Trump Sometimes Sends Bodyguard To McDonald’s Because White House Chefs Don’t Get Burgers Right

Politico reports:

When senior White House officials wanted to know what mood the president was in before a meeting, they used to look for guidance from Keith Schiller, a man with a hangdog face who sat in a small, shared office off the Oval.

When friends and advisers outside the West Wing wanted to share a news article, gossip or advice with President Donald Trump, they would be advised to “send it to Keith, he’ll get it to me.” After Trump decided to fire FBI director James Comey, it was Schiller who was tasked with hand-delivering the letter.

And when the White House kitchen staff couldn’t match the satisfaction of a quarter-pounder with cheese (no pickles, extra ketchup) and a fried apple pie, it was Schiller, bodyguard and Trump whisperer, who would head down New York Avenue to McDonald’s on a stealth fast food run.

Schiller is testifying before the House Intelligence Committee today.

  • FAEN

    Because your ass isn’t gigantic enough Cheeto?

    • Christopher

      I want McDonalds to give him a lifetime supply. He could eat that crap for every meal for all I care.

      Actually, I would encourage him to eat as much as possible.

  • Gustav2

    Fake food for a fake president.

    • Tawreos

      When one prefers fast food over the White House chef they are a fake person.

  • Tawreos

    Let me guess, he went to college in the Kremlin.

  • mr wonderful

    Trump has loads of class.
    All of it low.

    • Frostbite

      You’re being rather generous

    • Uncle Mark

      More ass than class

      • Todd20036

        Really? My ass is the classiest part of me.

        • WNY

          We are going to need pics.

          • Gene Perry

            plus witness testimony.

        • clay

          You used it for more than just 1) a cushion for your hemorrhoids and 2) a counter-balance during golf drives.

    • Tawreos

      I thought he had loads of ass.
      All of it wide.

      • Tatonka

        He’s got loads of gas.
        All of it toxic.

      • Stogiebear

        Potato, potah… Fuck my God look at the size of that thing!!!

    • TrueWords
      • greenmanTN

        Perfect. Our McPresident.

        • Nic Peterson

          Not loving it.

        • seant426

          Do you want it with cheese?

    • jmax

      Class with a capital K.

      • 2guysnamedjoe

        You’re two K’s short

  • Lazycrockett

    The Chief uses real beef.

    • Gustav2

      Or at least parts of the animal Americans would recognized as eatable.

  • Goodboy

    I encourage this. Supersize it for the pig.

    • DreadPikathulhu

      May his arteries clog and his blood pressure elevate.

    • Tatonka

      And serve it up in a trough.

    • TrueWords
    • Snarkaholic

      And leave off anything remotely nutritious (lettuce, tomatoes, onions, etc.).

    • 2guysnamedjoe

      Double up on the cheese-like substance .

    • Bob Conti

      Double Quarter Cheese, extra salt.

    • Charlie

      I think he needs some fries with that shake…

    • Kruhn

      That’s easy. There’s a McDonald’s on 17th between Pennsylvania and H made famous by Bill Clinton.

  • Tawreos

    I guess people know where to go if they want a shot at poisoning the president.

    • Bambino

      Why would anyone even try when the fucking moron is doing great shooting himself on his foot every damn day.

      • 2guysnamedjoe

        If someone really wanted to poison him, they should find something that works faster.

  • bkmn

    White trash tastes on the budget of the nation.

  • WNY

    May his arteries harden and clog at a rapid pace. Ramen.

  • BearEyes

    What’s with all the ketchup?

    • bkmn

      High fructose corn syrup can be addicting.

      • Steverino

        And causes brain rot.

    • Lars Littlefield

      It’s his favorite vegetable.

      • Steverino

        No doubt had Michelle’s garden dug up and replaced with ketchup bottles.

        • perversatile

          “I grew up on a ketchup farm in Mississippi. We would go out all day and dig up bottles of ketchup then sell them by the side of the road for 10 dimes, which most people just call a dollar now. It wasn’t till I was 18 that my pappy told me there’s no such thing as a ketchup farm, he was buying those bottles in town and burying them in the middle of the night just to give us something to do the next day. They cost him two dollars a bottle, so we were losing a solid dollar every bottle, plus the time spent digging them up and him sneaking out every night to bury them. After I found out I moved to New York to become a jazz dancer. I became a hit and danced privately for many well known celebrities and world leaders. I would sometimes dance quietly for Einstein in his study, he said it helped him think. I was dancing softly in the corner when he came up with the E equals Mc Squared stuff.”

          “You seem quite young to have danced for Einstein”
          “You’re very kind young man”.

          -Hamish Blake Shotz

    • Gustav2

      His preadolescent palate?

      • Steverino

        In addition to everything else about him.

    • stuckinthewoods

      Tomatoes are high in glutamic acid, the umami factor, concentrated in ketchup. Plus he probably likes things sweet.

  • clay

    1) Reince Priebus was never actually Chief of Staff.
    2) We now know how General Kelly fills his time.

    3) Hidden clue to a second reason Trump was in “Home Alone 2”.

  • Slippy_World
  • Boreal

    A gourmet chef on staff and cheeto wants processed grease. Unsurprising.

    • Uncle Mark

      Meh…just like his burnt, ketchup-doused steaks. The man has no taste or taste buds

    • Bambino

      I can pictured many prominent chefs that work in the White House will need to update their resumes with added details of what year and who they served in the White House.

    • Chucktech

      And none of that all beef crap, he wants lots of soy filler.

    • TominDC

      When I was in cooking school, I noticed that just about everyone (students and instructors) had the weirdest junk food habits. We were literally preparing the fanciest foods every day and were able/encouraged to eat them at lunch for free at “family meals”… and yet, a lot of time we chose fast food.

      There’s just something about fast food that hits the spot in just the right way.

      • zhera

        Sugar and fat.

        • TominDC

          And salt.

      • Boreal

        Yuck. Unless I’m traveling I rarely eat Fast food.

        • PickyPecker

          I find it somewhat disturbing that in our small town (roughtly 18k population), the McDonalds has expanded the drive-thru lanes to 2 tracks….and they are almost always full of folks waiting.

          • Boreal


          • TrollopeReader

            “breakfast” all day !!

      • Bj Lincoln

        When my brother was in cooking school he loved eating everyone’s fine food when they all went out for crap for lunch. We didn’t grow up on junk. 3 out of 4 don’t eat the stuff. The one lives on it and so does his wife and kids. My wife and her dad love it. I don’t so guess who does all the shopping and cooking. It is like cooking for kids all the time.

      • ZRAinSWVA

        “Limited evidence suggests that the high fat and salt content of fast
        food may increase addictive potential. Fast food restaurants cluster in poorer neighborhoods and obese adults eat more fast food than those who are normal weight. Obesity is characterized by resistance to insulin, leptin and other hormonal signals that would normally control appetite and limit reward. Neuroimaging studies in obese subjects provide evidence of altered reward and tolerance. Once obese, many individuals meet criteria for psychological dependence.”

        This one is a little more clearcut:

    • jerry

      Meanwhile, I have trouble–no matter which chain–eating any fast food. It all seems, any more, to leave an awful after taste. I will always first, when traveling, try to find an actual restaurant and have enough time to sit down and order. And most times the cost isn’t really much more.

      • marshlc

        I don’t mind a fast food burger now and then, though McDonald’s is probably about fourth on my list of the chains – but would never send out for one. If you’re gonna eat hot grease, it needs to be HOT.

        Lived in a town where the nearest McDonald’s was an hour’s drive away, and I knew someone who would always ask you, if you were going to a town which had one, to bring her back a Big Mac. Never understood it.

        • jerry

          I still do now and then when traveling (and pressed for time)…just don’t really enjoy the food.

      • chrisinphx

        The morning after a night of drinking I always crave a quarter pounder. It’s the hangover helper

  • Uncle Mark

    He has the hands, taste buds, maturity, and intellect of a 10 year-old.
    “Now where’s my goddam happy meal prize?!!” “So help me, I will nuke a country the next time they forget to include my toy.”

    • licuado de platano

      A 10 year old can properly feed the koi fish without dumping the whole box of food at once

  • Bambino

    McDonald does not deliver to the WH?

  • Boreal
    • Chucktech


  • Todd20036

    Remember when the Trumpanzees screamed about the cost of Obama’s security detail?
    How much money does each of those burgers cost taxpayers when you throw in all the expenses of having secret service agents going on burger runs… especially when you have a 5 star personal chef as well?

    • Bambino

      The fucking moron place himself in danger when he dispatch his own personal security details to run errands rather than guarding him. There’s no cure for stupidity.

      • Dave F.

        Yes there is. Death cures it. It sometimes just takes too long for the cure to work.

  • leo77

    For a guy who’s spent his life convincing the world he knows all about the finer things in life he has the palate of 11 year-old kid who was raised in a not particularly high-functioning home.

    • Chucktech

      Oh, please. Look around his digs at Trump Tower. The ultimate in nouveau-riche gaude.

      • Steverino

        Heterosexual kitsch.

        • TrollopeReader

          a gay designer who had waaaay tooo much fun making Donnie think it was “classy” with all that marble and gilt ….(laughing all the time)

          • Gene Perry

            Trailer park with $$$.

    • Steverino

      Emotional arrested development (and the malignant narcissism that accompanies it) is like that.

    • unsavedheathen

      Surprised it’s not chicken fingers and JuicyJuice.

  • OdieDenCO

    not much of a body guard if he’s allowing a his charge to be fed metabolic poison

    • WNY

      He is doing Gawd’s work.

  • Jon Doh
  • Tawreos

    Is this how the Kremlin gets word to Donny since Jared couldn’t set up the back alley communications route?

  • Bluto

    He’s gonna have a micky d’s built on top of Michelle’s veggie garden.

  • Tomcat

    He also sends him out to get a blowjob and bring him one back.

    • TampaDink

      I was going to comment that the bodyguard is always told to take Jared with him…but I suspect that he makes him watch each blowjob.

  • j.martindale

    Like, I am shocked–not.

  • blackstar
  • June Gordon

    Deep fried pies from McDonald’s is perfect for Trump. He’s so classy.

  • zhera

    Preferring the cardboard food at McD’s over the food made AT the White House?

    Classy, Donnie. Really classy. You’d never think this guy had grown up rich. His tastes in pretty much everything are horrible.

    • Helen Damnation™

      And I thought Amway convention attendees were the epitome of “Nouveau riche”.

  • Anastasia Beaverhousen

    Studying for his trip to France:

  • PickyPecker

    Warning: may induce vomiting; lack of appetite; lack of sexual desire.

    • Uncle Mark

      I just don’t know how the Japanese resisted the temptation to pair him up with a sumo wrestler when the Fucking Moron was there

      • clay

        They didn’t want to disrespect Sumo.

        • Jonathan Smith

          no diapers large enough?

    • Boreal

      All of the above plus it makes me want to yell at my computer screen and smash it.

    • Tread

      While I hate Trump with the intensity of 1 google suns, I hate photoshopped fake bullshit more. This image isn’t real. (No dig on you, just I hate the proliferation of fake news.)

      • Chucktech

        You’re right. His hands are way too big in this photo.

        • TuuxKabin

          And there’s not yellow stains in his crotch.

          • coram nobis

            And his face is red, not orange.

  • HZ81

    Such a sophisticated palate, our worldly President.

  • 1980Gardener

    haha – I actually like this.

    good way to bolster his (dwindling) support with his base too.

  • Cuberly Deux

    OT: Hmmmm….more Manafort charges?

    • clay

      How many are represented by a single private jet load in East Asia?

    • Natty Enquirer

      I’m thinking Flynn. More low-hanging fruit.

    • Treant

      Naw, I’m thinking they’ll leave as much on Manafort for the state of New York as they can.

  • Jonathan Smith

    so, the white house hires some of the BEST cooks in the world.
    and they can’t match a crapy jr. cheeseburger.
    dRump is a fucknut.
    but, we already knew THAT.

    • Frank Conway

      My thoughts exactly. This is a man who puts ketchup on a steak- that he insists be well done.

      • Jonathan Smith

        i think i see the problem here……….
        from Wikipediaq: “Cristeta Pasia Comerford (born October 27, 1962) is a Filipino-American chef who has been the White House Executive Chef since 2005. She is the first woman and first person of Asian descent to hold the post.”
        a) the word “she”
        b) not white.

  • TrollopeReader

    I dunno ….that special sauce …..

    • Natty Enquirer

      I think it’s “Tony” today.

  • Bambino

    Next he will replace all the chefs and cooks in the WH with McDonald’s employees. Soon they will stock up Gerber baby puree in the pantry.

    • TrollopeReader

      America’s best “first job” as they say …

  • Jonathan Smith

    how the HELL can you be a multi-Billionaire (so he says)
    and think Mickyd’s is the height of culinary art……….?
    oh, right. sorry. dRump.
    ’nuff said.

    • canoebum

      He enjoys the food more knowing its made by people making minimum wage.

    • I’ve heard tell that he’s such a germophobe that he believes the safest, cleanest meal is at a chain restaurant due to them not wanting the bad press if someone becomes sick after eating their food.

  • TrollopeReader

    Oddly enough, there’s a restaurant nearby (gourmet style) that has replicated the special sauce … and since it’s on real ground beef … tasty !!

    • seant426

      Meh. SS = thousand island.

  • Maybe we’ll get lucky and he’ll have a massive coronary.

  • R W C

    This is such good news; there’s still hope for a massive, fatal stroke.

  • Bambino
  • AlternativeQuacks

    Oh fer crying out loud. If you’re going to send a bodyguard out for burgers, at least send him to Five Guys or Burgatory or In’n’Out. Trump has the worst taste.

    • Tread

      He is the epitome of ugly, tasteless American. The culmination of 40 years of corporate bullshit.

      • TrollopeReader

        don’t forget obnoxious.

    • Reality.Bites

      only McDonald’s squeezes enough moisture out of the meat.

      I’ll mention that Bill Clinton was a Big Mac fan as well.

      Interestingly enough, McDonald’s sells Big Mac sauce in supermarkets in Canada. Also McChicken sauce (a sandwich that never went anywhere in the US but is a long-time favourite in Canada. Imagine one giant McNugget (it predates the McNugget though) on a bun with shredded lettuce and Miracle Whip (although they call it mayonaise-style dressing)

  • Gay Fordham Prep Grad

    HA, long ago I heard a certain couple residing in Kensington Palace, London did the same thing.

  • safari

    It’ll take a few coats of paint to get the McDonalds farts out of the oval office.

  • Adam Stevens

    Like I really need ANOTHER reason to NEVER go to McDonald’s.

  • Reality.Bites
  • anne marie in philly

    dog shit is good enough for the dump!

  • KaBoomBOX

    Garbage in, garbage out.

  • Treant

    Do it more often. And get the greasiest fries. Try tartar sauce.

    • Extra cheese on your burger, and double up on the fried apple pies! Oh go ahead, you only live once!

  • mjsatty

    Does he send them in a private jet to his favorite McDonalds in NYC because that is the best McDonalds?

  • Robert K Wright

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure someone in his family could buy one franchise and open it in the White House. That’s pretty much the direction it’s heading….

    • TrollopeReader

      burgers, tax breaks and corruption all in one drive-thru !!

      • And if you’re lucky, you’ll open the bag to find the rare gold “get out of jail” pardon ticket!

  • jmax

    Just a guess here – Schiller pays for the McDingle’s order out of his own pocket and Trump never reimburses him.

    • Reality.Bites

      In Trump World that’s no big deal.

      God some of their early ads were brilliant.

      • Girlgoon

        Everyone should see Founder with micheal keaton about how the McDonald’s brothers lost their franchise to a fast food flim flam artist who made McDonald’s the monster corporation it is today.

        • That was a interesting movie. What surprised me was that the McDonald’s corp is the largest landowner in the world.

      • coram nobis

        There was one where McDonald’s-uniformed people were marching into town. That aired just about the time Saigon fell.

    • Schiller, “Here’s your burger and fries, Sir. That will be $6.99.”

      cheetolini, “What do you mean, you had to PAY for it? When did they start charging for their products?”

      • jmax

        I work at a university and have noted several incidents where athletes shoplifted things from stores because they thought they were just entitled to whatever they wanted due to their imagined status as local celebrities. Unfortunately we now have a president who thinks the same way.

  • Well, Julia Child liked McDonald fries. But she dead.

    • canoebum

      She was also a homophobe.

      • Julia started off that way, much like most people of her generation, but changed her tune in later life. She showed some considerable concern at a 1988 AIDS benefit for gays who were dying alone, and talked about love.

        On the other hand, we’ve got a homophobe living down the street. Years ago when we bought our house, he said to one of our new neighbors, “Did you see what’s moving in?”. Our new neighbor later told us that they got in a fight over that comment, and it ended their decades-long friendship. We’ve been perfectly polite to the homophobe on the few occasions we’ve come in contact at the grocery store. We always say hello, but he only glares in response. It’s like, “Hate spill on aisle 5!” He also glares at us every time he drives by on his way to church. Yes, he’s deeply religious, except when it comes to the “love thy neighbor” part. His eyes are like a hate beacon, I swear. I was mowing the front lawn once and glanced up as his car went by, and his glare almost knocked me down. It was like the hatemobile! So out of place on a beautiful afternoon! But he’s gotten so fat his car now tilts toward the driver’s side. He’s using a walker now too, we’ve noticed. And several times lately paramedics have arrived at his house. Not going to be with us much longer, I suspect. Guess he’ll take his homophobia problem with him to the grave. Too bad he never dealt with it. But for some the grave is the only cure.

      • Reality.Bites

        It would be premature to blame that on the fries though.

        • LOL! I think it was when she dropped the chicken on the floor.

          • thatotherjean

            “Remember, you are ALONE in your kitchen!”

      • Girlgoon

        Never lose touch with your base, even trump gets that

  • Ningsisa

    My money is still on a heart attack or stroke while in office. The stress of being held accountable plus his unhealthy lifestyle are going to do him in. Sadly. I kinda want him to suffer the shame of indictment and prosecution for a long time.

    • Galvestonian

      He’s gonna blow an artery when he realizes that he can’t avoid impeachment by lying, double dealing, throwing everybody under the bus, trying to buy his way out, having Russia fix it, planning a revolution, calling out the National Guard/the Army/the Navy/the Coast Guard/the Merchant Marine/the Air Force/the White Nationalists/the Nazis/his base (?)/the Mexicans/Canadians/the Tea Party/Evangelists/Pat Robertson.

      • Girlgoon

        He thinks If federal agents try to take him into custody he can just fire them first.

    • CB

      That Apple pie alone should grease the skids.

    • M Jackson

      Could we hope it would be his conscience that kills him? No?

  • TheManicMechanic

    All the culinary education of a toothless hillbilly. Steaks well done, with ketchup. I can only imagine him at dinner overseas with foreign dignitaries, complaining about the five star food being served. Drumpf is THE Ugly American.

  • Galvestonian

    …not enough wood filler.

    • AJ Drew

      that’s what Melania said!

  • Steven H

    Bill Clinton used to go to that McDonald’s sometimes, too.

    I think some of the people in this comments section don’t get the fact that (1) very few Americans think McDonald’s is great food that is good for you, and (2) a lot of us eat there anyway (sometimes because our options are limited). Many millions of Americans living in food deserts (many of whom are minorities) eat at places like McDonald’s.

    We need to be more careful about how we talk about other people if we want to start winning elections again. Because It sure sounds like a few of you think that my Democrat-voting lesbian sister or union-supporting parents are “white trash” “toothless hillbillies” who support the “idiocracy” because they sometimes eat at their local McD’s.

    • Jon Doh

      Let’s see, Big Mac or a meal prepared by a culinary expert. Yeah, tough decision.

      • Reality.Bites

        My grandmother made her on fylo dough for strudel and baklava. She made her own pasta and gnocchi. She was not German, Greek or Italian. Born in 1906, she was quick to adapt any new technology in the kitchen – and for someone with arthritis, a food processor and pasta maker were a blessing. Except she was an atheist, so just a good thing that was the result of science and education.

        Her pizza sucked. When you want junk food you don’t want it prepared by a culinary expert.

        (Of course there’s lots of pizza out there that’s far from junk food. Hers wasn’t that either!)

    • BobSF_94117

      If your Democrat-voting lesbian sister or union-supporting parents had a choice between McD’s and having a private chef on duty 24 hours a day, which would they choose?

      • LeeCMH

        Thank you.

  • Gigi

    Translation: McDonald’s line cooks should get a raise.

  • boobert

    I bet he’s eaten more than a few burgers with spit ( or worse) on them , lol.

  • ChrisMorley
    • Judas Peckerwood

      It’s impossible to make a decent meat helmet out of spam.

  • Gene Perry

    Schiller is totally Trump loyal … he’s not gonna say nothin’ to the HIC.

  • Girlgoon

    The assassin pays off the whitehouse chef to ruin the burgers knowing that Trump will be left unguarded when he sends his bodyguard to McDonald’s……

  • DrRobY

    The real reason is that Trump doesn’t want to pay for the food the chef’s use. They are probably using quality beef, and he scoffs at paying top $$ for it.

    • Girlgoon

      Why buy quality when you are gonna burn it and smother it in ketchup ?

      • DrRobY

        It’s not up to Trump to decide where the ingredients come from. The food staff have their own vetted sources.

        • coram nobis

          “Vetted sources?” Like, dogs or cats?

          Take for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop
          Business never better using only pussycats and toast
          And a pussy’s good for maybe six or seven at the most
          And I’m sure they can’t compare as far as taste
          — “Have a Little Priest”

  • Mickey Bitsko

    I’m surprised he hasn’t sign an executive order forcing McDonald’s to hand over their recipes to the WH chefs. followed immediately by him blabbing the info to the Russian ambassador.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Why does this not surprise me?

  • coram nobis

    And what nationality is the staff at that McDonald’s?

  • I’m not one to object to having an occasional fast food burger, but I’d pick a chef-made burger over fast food any day.

    • AJ Drew

      and that’s why you’re not POTUS. /s

      • Yes, I’m quite sure that’s the *only* reason. 😉

  • netxtown

    c’mon donnie!
    double your pleasure
    double your fun
    with double meat – double cheese
    all on a bun!

  • TexasBoy

    I’m shocked the POTUS doesn’t prefer Happy Meals.

    • Yes! A bag to color and do the fun puzzles, and a free TOY! But then again, it comes with milk and apple slices, so yeah, it’s much to healthy for him to enjoy.

  • liondon#iamnotatraitor

    I’m sure the secret service love being sent to McDonald’s.

  • MassageBear


  • fuzzybits

    Pickles are too exotic for donnie.

  • Smithbc

    Finally, class has returned to the whitehouse. 🙄