Christian “Prophet”: God Will Kill Two Former Presidents And Imprison The Others For Daring To Criticize Trump

“Firefighter prophet” Mark Taylor, currently the darling of extremist Christian sites like World Net Daily and a regular on Jim Bakker’s show, who recently claimed that Trump has secretly imprisoned 3000 “elite pedophiles,” says that God will take murder two former presidents and have the others imprisoned for daring to criticize “God’s anointed president.”

Kyle Mantyla reports at Right Wing Watch:

Taylor said that when he saw all five former presidents gathered at an event to raise money for hurricane relief, he received a word from the Lord that “two will be taken, three will be shaken.”

“They were doing this Hurricane Harvey relief effort,” Taylor said. “They were trying to raise money for Hurricane Harvey, but we all know that is a bunch of lies. These guys could care less about people, it’s about their agenda. They disguised it as a relief effort for Hurricane Harvey victims and they go in there and they trash Donald Trump.”

“The Bible says, ‘Do not touch my anointed, but especially my prophets,’” he continued. “These guys have now touched God’s anointed, Donald Trump. They used it as a platform to go in there and attack.”

  • HZ81

    How brave to predict the death of people in their 90s. Fuck you, asshole, and your magic sky friend who is also a giant fucking asshole.

    • Todd20036

      What a coincidence! So is the deity I worship – Priapus.
      He can be a fucking dick too. He’s very vers!

    • Octoberfurst

      And of course when one of those elderly Presidents does die that scumbag will say “SEE, I told ya so!” and all his moronic followers will Oooo and ahhh
      over his incredible prophetic talents. Yes indeed who but God’s anointed could have predicted that men in their 90’s were gonna die soon.

      • Chucktech

        all his moronic followers will Oooo and ahhh and put more money in the collection plate.

        • David Walker

          …and buy more buckets of Bakker’s Bilge.

      • jonfromcalifornia

        That’s Evangelicalism for you… frauds, conmen and bigoted, gullible sheep.

    • GayOldLady

      Yeah, both Carter and H.W. Bush are 93, so they’re one foot in the grave.

      No one is going to prison in this but Trump. And I hope his jump suit doesn’t clash with his hair.

      • bzrd

        unless he has his hairdresser accompany him to the clink, it will become its normal grey again

        • GayOldLady

          Have you noticed that you can see his scalp, even on the sides? I think if he stopped the elaborate combover and just got a regular haircut we would see that Trump is basically bald. I don’t know why he works so hard to hide it with such a hideous combover.

        • Democats and Demodog

          He’s bald.

      • Salton

        I’ll be 93 next month and neither of my feet is in the grave, but I hope to outlive 45 or at least see him and his cronies in prison for treason.

        • GayOldLady

          I hope you outlive 45 too. I hope we all do. Glad you’re doing so well, you need to join in comments more often.

          • Salton

            Thank you, Gay Young Lady. English being my second language, I never feel at ease trying to express my feeling in more than a few words. All you young people are so much more savvy and informed than I am, that I probably never have anything really interesting to say. I do appreciate all these comments which make my day every day! And I learn so much, too!

          • Anne Fisher

            I’m an Editor. You have better English than many people, for whom it is their only language. Welcome!

          • Salton

            Thank you so much, you’re too kind.

          • Danielle Rawls Carr

            I was just thinking the same thing. Salton, you are wonderful, and your command of the English language puts many of us native speakers to shame.

        • Democats and Demodog

          45 is looking more haggard every day. I think his health is rapidly declining.

          • Salton

            No doubt he’s sick. Maybe more than we think!

        • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

          Cross your fingers so you don’t get congratulations on your 100th birthday from a jerk president like Trump.

          • Salton

            I hope to see in the White House the first female President, and, why not the first black female president. It is too early to hope for an LGBT, male or female president. But it will come.

        • Melissa McDermott

          Happy Birthday for next month from Western Australia 🙂

          • Salton

            Thank you so much for your kind wishes.

        • Bad Tom

          I agree with GOL. I’d love to hear your perspective more.

          • Salton

            I do thank you and I cannot do better than repeat what I said to the Gay Young Lady: English being my second language, I never feel at ease trying to express my feeling in more than a few words. All you young people are so much more savvy and informed than I am, that I probably never have anything really interesting to say. I do appreciate all these comments which make my day every day! And I learn so much, too!

          • Bad Tom

            You have direct experience of years that many of us can only learn about from books and films. I bet you have some great stories to tell.

        • Miguel Roberto Gay

          Hair? I doubt they’re going to let him wear his $1.50 toupee. After all, he can’t afford a good one with all of his massive debt from failed business deals and all of those gold plated toilets.

          • Salton

            Hair Furor?

    • northern_neighbour

      Yeah, exactly! My response to Mark Taylor: “Drop Dead you Fucking Evil Tool of Satan”.

      “If the Dark One doesn’t wanna do it just yet, then maybe yer Sky Fairy will Righteously Smote You when you least expect. Cuz yer the epitome of EVIL!”

    • Adam Schmidt

      Kings are anointed (divine right of kings and all that) but Presidents are not. Presidents aren’t anointed because they’re not kings.

      • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

        He was anointed by a pair of Russian hookers, apparently.

      • jonfromcalifornia

        To Evangelicals, Trump IS the king of kings and the lord of lords because “God anointed him”. In other words, Trump IS the Messiah (which means “the anointed” in Hebrew). A pussy grabbing, water sports enjoying Messiah.

    • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

      I was going to say the same thing! Old men tend to die off, so this “prediction” is simply more Christian hoodoo buffoonery.

    • Marie Rose

      God and this charletan have absolutely nothing in common.

    • Paula Key

      Hold on; don’t you realise that there are people who, like myself, believe in a God or Supreme Creator.

      • HZ81

        I do realize that and I don’t care. Religion = cult. All of them, to me. You’re welcome to believe what you want.

  • Todd20036

    Um. Sorry. All the ex-Presidents are dead. They died during the Armageddon Harold Camping predicted a few years back.

    The only reason you’re still in business is that your audience is so dumb they conveniently forget about your predictions the day after it was supposed to come true.

  • I swore that was a picture of Jeff Foxworthy for like a second.

  • bkmn

    His predictions have a really good track record, as long as you don’t look at his past predictions.

  • Stephen Elliot Phillips

    Jim baKKKer

  • gaycuckhubby

    Aha-ha-ha
    He may actually be right. George H. W. Bush and Jimmy Carter pass away in their 90s. Trump gets impeached / resigns in disgrace and then gets imprisoned. Boom. Three former presidents 2 dead 1 imprisoned.

  • Jon Doh

    With both Carter and Bush Sr. at 93, I’m sure at least part of his prediction will come true soon.

    • BostonBud

      I was thinking the exact same thing and he’ll claim he heard it from the lord first. Praise Jebus!

      • (((GC)))

        Given current knowledge and technology, it’s safe to say that we’ll all die sooner or later.

        • peacfulseas inWA

          Yep, we’re all just compost in training.

  • Tatonka

    Before I can even react to what he says, I’m going to have to get past the fact that he’s the last person on earth who parts his hair in the middle and has a facial tumor that looks like the cartoon character Ziggy.

    • Chucktech

      Excuse me, I part my fucking hair in the middle, I think it works for me!

  • Jonathan Smith
  • Bambino
  • blackstar
  • TrueWords
  • Boreal

    Joe:
    You misspelled profit and what is that demon attached to his cheek?

    • Dreaming Vertebrate

      That demon on his cheek is a flesh-colored microphone.
      Looks like a giant zit.

  • TrueWords
  • bkmn

    Well then, lets hope Trump is soon to be an ex-President.

    • (((GC)))

      Let’s hope tRump is neutered (politically) and contained until Democrats retake the Senate majority!

      (An unrestrained President Pence may well be worse!)

    • RoFaWh

      Let’s not just get rid of him, let’s un-president him and take away his “45”. The president who was erased from history.

      • Marie Rose

        I’m not looking forward to 45.5. Hope Mueller has the goods on him too.

  • blackstar
  • Tawreos

    I really hope this continued support of Trump will come back and bite all of these preachers in the ass.

  • Barry William Teske

    Oh look.
    Someone thinks a check is in the mail.
    Profits for prophets.
    At the expense of all others.

  • Michael R
    • Marie Rose

      Loved that movie. Wish it was on Netflix.

  • TrueWords
  • AlternativeQuacks
    • (((GC)))

      Can we somehow convince Republicans that all the signs and voting machines etc. are just a plot to deceive Democrats, and that the real election day is tomorrow? 🙂

  • another_steve

    My Maine Coon was unhappy with the day-old open can of tuna I let her lick out this morning. She threatened to kill me.

    Should I call the police?

    • bkmn

      Does she have real claws or just Lee Press-on claws?

    • AlternativeQuacks

      I don’t think a jury of her peers would convict. She might get away with it.

    • Dreaming Vertebrate

      Do not let animals eat from any tin. The jagged metal can give them really bad cuts!

      • another_steve

        Good point. Important point.

        I always give the rim of the can the “finger test” before I put it out for her.

        • Dreaming Vertebrate

          I would not do that. Always remove food from the tin and place in a fresh dish!

          • (((GC)))

            That’s what I do… also useful if the can actually contains two servings.

          • Dreaming Vertebrate

            Also, always clean the tin before disposal, so that wild animals who rummage through garbage do not get cut.

          • RoFaWh

            “Clean” meaning washed like you do dishes so there’s not even any odor remaining.

            Wildlife Aid, an English charity that rescues and rehabilitates wildlife of all types when they’re in distress, sometimes includes among the videos they post various animals with their heads trapped in tin cans. Fox cubs and hedgehogs seem to be the most common victims.

            Did you know that the English (apparently) don’t recycle?

          • Librarykid

            A tuna tin is pretty shallow to be a cause for worry about an animal’s head being trapped in it.

          • another_steve

            If I do that, she thinks it’s cat food and expresses annoyance.

            If it’s still in the can, she knows it’s human food – and she scores a win for herself.

          • Dreaming Vertebrate

            Well, they are finicky.
            Still, I can’t stress strongly enough that this may lead to bad cuts.
            Maybe you could ask your vet for their informed option on the safety of this practice.

          • GayOldLady

            Are you channeling cats this morning?

      • greenmanTN

        Get a can opener that opens from the side. No sharp edges.

        • PickyPecker

          I have one of those. Love it.

    • BJORN RAGNVALDR

      The police are nothing against an inconvenienced Maine Coon, it’s been fun, Steve.

      • another_steve

        Ohmigod… yes. Doomed, I am. :-/

        Although the smartest, most devious cat I ever had was a Siamese. That boy was unbelievable. At the time, we had a string of sarna bells hanging on the wall adjacent to a large armchair. When boyfriend wanted food or attention, he would climb to the top of the chair, stretch all the way out and ring the bells.

        It was the most intelligent cat behavior I personally ever witnessed.

    • skyweaver

      Maine Coons are the best! I have a friend who has one and I just love that cat. He’s the most catty cat of any cat I’ve ever known.
      Also yes you should probably go to a shelter for the next few days

    • RoFaWh

      She wants to kill you because it’s tuna. Tuna is not good for cats, especially if it’s their sole diet. Get that girl a big bag of Royal Canin chow and a small bag of Temptations treats.

      • another_steve

        A steady diet of human food, in general, is undesirable for dogs and cats.

        As an occasional treat, yes. But never, as you mention, as their sole diet.

    • Adam King

      Repent, hyooman!

  • Todd

    By saying that Trump is his god’s “annointed” and his prophet, he’s unwittingly giving the rest of the world a perfect excuse to not follow his god. If his god would choose someone like Trump as his prophet, why would anyone want to worship such a being?

    • (((GC)))

      Especially with so many preachers denouncing tRump until the moment he won the Republican nomination.

  • Mr. M

    Can we all just pause for a minute and imagine the right-wing-nut-job meltdown reaction if a Muslim cleric said, “The Koran says, ‘Do not touch my anointed, but especially my prophets. These guys have now touched Allah’s anointed, Barack Obama. They used it as a platform to go in there and attack.” Thernovich and the rest of them would probably take to the streets armed to the teeth.

  • Chucktech

    he received a word from the Lord that “two will be taken, three will be shaken.”

    I think you’re a loony.

    • Librarykid

      not stirred

  • safari

    Obama was anointed. Twice.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    I am sure the Bushes are trembling in fear at this. God’s got quite the list of people whos Hes going to wack like a mob boss. How these people think Two Scoops Donny is a prophet i dont honestly know.

    • boatboy_srq

      White. Male. Presumably hetero. Apparently wealthy.

      Those are the only criteria they use.

    • RoFaWh

      To write plainly: the Trump supporters do so because he confirms their own biases and bigotry. The guff about religion is just a smokescreen to excuse what is clearly inexcusable.

    • Opinion Sousaphones

      Exactly! I am not Christian. I have that up back in my teens, but I know what it is. Trump is NOT Christian. Of course, neither are any of those who play on on TV, it seems. Jimmy Carter is Christian, and so all the scamevangelists hate him.

  • Boreal

    Someone has been reading ‘The Stand’ again.

  • Sashineb

    That idiot needs to read his buybull to find out why he’s spreading so much BS: 2 Thessalonians 2:11 “Therefore God sent them a strong delusion, so that they may believe what is false.”

    • Jonathan Smith

      so……it’s Tuesday?

      • Sashineb

        Yeah and they wouldn’t care. Their “religious freedom” is all about blaming other people, and never admitting that they are wrong, even when it is so obvious for all to see.

        • RoFaWh

          It doesn’t matter what they admit. What matters is what the judge decides when they go on trial for fraud and other financial crimes. Has anyone checked the Paradise Papers for names of prominent American “religious” grifters?

  • Adam Stevens

    God’s Anointed Pussy Grabber™

    Brought to you by The Righteous.

    Un-fucking-believable.

    • KCMC

      curious that, “anointed,” described watersports.
      Who knew?

  • Christ. What an asshole.

  • baruchzed

    Another false prophet.

    • RoFaWh

      Actually, he’s just another grifter conducting a lucrative fraud.

      The reason that churches are exempt from both taxes and financial scrutiny is that they perform “good works” — charity, in other words. Now someone explain to me what good works, if any, Joel Osteen (e.g.) does aside from feathering his own nest.

      In fact all the fundagelical “pastors” seem to be frauds collecting money under false pretenses. Isn’t it time to start enforcing laws against fraud?

  • Frostbite

    Isn’t threatening a president, even a past one, a federal offense?

    • safari

      “God did it.”

    • clay

      Oh, it’s not him who’s threatening a president; it’s God! /s

      • Tulle Christensen

        I see the Secret Service knocking on God’s door anytime now

      • RoFaWh

        England once made illegal any predictions of the sovereign’s death. Tudor times, iirc,

      • Frostbite

        in this case i’m all for blaming the messenger.

  • clay

    “Two will be taken,
    Three will be shaken,
    The earth was quaking,
    My mind was aching
    And we were making
    it and you
    Shook me all night long.”

    I thought I heard that, too. But in a different context.

  • Ninja0980

    This God guy sounds like a major asshole.

    • gaycuckhubby

      Imagine having Thanksgiving dinner with him. And I thought my family was bad.

    • (((GC)))

      That would certainly be more consistent than the “all-knowing, all-good, all-loving” propaganda that doesn’t stand up to examination.

      Then again, shit happens, and we humans are perfectly capable of being horrible to each other, or excellent to each other, all on our own.

  • gaycuckhubby
  • Jeffrey

    I predicted that I’d be wet after my shower this morning. I had so much faith that the lord would make me wet just from standing under water that I placed a dry towel beside the shower. And when I alighted gracefully from that shower I was indeed soaking wet. That’s the power of faith. If you’ll just send a small donation I can get you wet too.

    • BJORN RAGNVALDR

      If I pray,, will I be able to alight gracefully from the shower.?…asking for a friend.

      • Jeffrey

        We shall see, my son. We shall see.

  • Ben in Oakland

    Two will be taken. Three will be shaken. “Release the kraken!”

  • Jonathan Smith
  • Tomcat

    Two will be taken, since they are very old and medically unstable that is not a prophecy. That is a given. And actually all five were shaken by Trumps asshollery.

  • skyweaver

    If your god’s anointed is Donald Trump you need a re-org

    • RoFaWh

      The anointing oil has gone rancid.

      • skyweaver

        Also eew, it’s all orange now

  • AlternativeQuacks

    OT – OOOOOOH! Page = Shit Creek, no paddle.

    https://twitter.com/KenDilanianNBC/status/927912684351295488

    • -M-

      Translation: “Here, hold this. ⚓️”

      😆😂

  • Bad Tom

    Two will be taken
    Three will be shaken

    –“Firefighter prophet” Mark Taylor

    It must be true! His prophecies RHYME!

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      A regular Nostradumbass.

  • anne marie in philly

    yeah, let’s get rid of idiots like YOU first! YOU SUCK!

  • Tomcat

    And I predict EVERYONE will die. God told me.

  • RoFaWh

    The liars are getting bolder with their unrestrained fantasies. Go lie at a bible or something and get out of everyone else’s hair, you lying idiot.

  • thatotherjean

    Wait–you’re talking about five former presidents. Were they not God’s anointed, also? Perhaps, having done Trump’s job before him, they have a right to criticize?

    • clay

      Do we have pics of them receiving a laying on of hands?

    • Natty Enquirer

      Yes, but they have fallen. And since they are not stirred by God’s Anointed, they will be shaken.

      • Adam King

        Thou shalt not bruise the gin.

  • gaycuckhubby
    • Chucktech

      Odd… Why would that asshole do that?

      • Jonathan Smith

        he couldent win?

        • Chucktech

          I could have told him that on Day One.

      • Adam King

        Noticed the First Amendment.

        • Chucktech

          Didn’t see that the first time around?

          • Hue-Man

            Thought it was the 2nd.

          • Chucktech

            It is. Didn’t see that the first time around?

  • Lazycrockett

    Crazy loves em some crazy.

  • Adam King

    God told me that Presidents Carter and Bush the First are old as fuck, not in the best of health and don’t have long for this world.

    • safari

      And Dick Cheney is immortal.

      • Jonathan Smith

        well, until we run out of hearts for him to use up……..

        • safari

          Nah. He’s got advanced pumping technology from the oil industry.

          • Bad Tom

            They replaced his blood with that stuff they use for fracking.

          • Opinion Sousaphones

            Yes, I heard of that… no pulse while he was on a continuous flow blood pump.

      • Opinion Sousaphones

        Lizards are long lived, but not immortal.

        • Tulle Christensen

          Cheney has already shown he can live without a heart

  • Natty Enquirer

    In his spare time, Mr. Taylor contributes scripts to WWF Superstars.

  • Megrim Twist
    • clay

      Baby Jesus, or . . . .
      Baby Trump!

    • greenmanTN

      I *told* Mary she needed rails on that changing table!

  • misterjack

    I predict Orangeturd and his son, Traitor Tot, will also be taken –to prison.

    • Opinion Sousaphones

      Traitor Tot?!!! Best!

  • David Walker

    “Do not touch my appointed, but especially not my profits. For lo, I say unto you, if I chose not to help those people on tiny islands in the middle of the bigly oceans, it is for a reason you profess not to understand…but find delight in your hearts for my doing so.” II Bigotarians 3:4.

    • Chucktech

      Especially not my profits, for lo, see them safely stashed in mighty banks on righteous islands surrounded by bigly waters, in Jesus’s name.

  • Harveyrabbit

    “These guys have now touched God’s anointed, Donald Trump.”

    Eww. Carbolic soap might be a good idea.

  • toddc

    Frump is not anyone’s anointed anything….

  • Blake J Butler
    • Natty Enquirer

      What a tease.

    • greenmanTN

      That deserves its own topic/thread!

    • Todd20036

      They talked about it at their show in DC.

  • safari
    • Chucktech

      And, where he is, his tomorrow is our Thursday.

      • Tulle Christensen

        Nope there is nowhere on earth where it is still Monday, it is Wednesday in some places right now

        When it gets to be noon in London the previous day is all gone everywhere

        • Chucktech

          Yeah, whatever.

    • Treant

      Shhh! Don’t tell him he’s wrong!

      The fact that he’s repeating all this so often implies the internal numbers don’t look so good. Add Republican vote flipping and we’ll see, but that’s a good sign.

    • Halou
      • JackFknTwist

        That about says it all.

    • Jon Doh

      In his defense, time flies when you’re having fun. /s

  • JackFknTwist

    “God’s anointed Donald Trump”……. ha ha ha ………that gave me a laugh for the day.

    So Trump/turd thinks he is the line of the British kings claiming to be “God’s anointed”.
    Well that pose by King Charles I did not end well for him in 1649.

    But it gives us food for thought on how to dispose of this turbulent priest.

  • Slippy_World
  • Since God only exists in the minds of believers, Taylor should be investigated for making a threat.

  • Leo
    • Treant

      That happens every single time. They’ll sue, and the charges will be verified and found to be true.

      And nothing is going to happen to the perpetrators, so they’ll simply do it again.

      • safari

        But we’ll get another voter purge afterward. Which is nice for the side making the calls in the first place.

      • Tulle Christensen

        Don’t be silly they will have to pay a few hundred dollar fine

  • safari
    • Treant

      But without the Nazis, do they have a business model?

    • Chucktech

      Welp………I’m not a Nazi and I won’t buy your pizza, either, you right wing asshole.

    • misterjack

      Little Johnny Schnatter
      Sat on his twatter,
      Eating his Nazi ‘za.
      He stuck in his schwandika
      And pulled out a swastika
      And said, “Ich bin ein gut Nazi pa pa!”

    • safari

      I’m sure this Wonkette article will be hilarious on the matter.
      https://twitter.com/Wonkette/status/927948822747197440

      • Chucktech

        Love Wonkette!

    • greenmanTN

      Schnatter’s house is like the Nouveau Riche ride at Disney World.

      http://homesoftherich.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/Screen-Shot-2016-09-03-at-4.50.55-PM.png

      • Librarykid

        With that kind of fortune, he can’t do right by his employees? Just for violations of good taste, he’s going to hell.

      • RoFaWh

        Who on earth wants a house that big?

        Mislay almost anything smaller than a mature elephant in it and the lost item will never be seen again.

  • Adam King

    Fry up some bacon
    ‘Cause breakfast needs makin’!

    –God

  • David Walker

    OT, except, of course, it isn’t really.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtjhHKka4jc

  • Tomcat

    Wrong because I killed god. Now prove me wrong.

  • Halou

    The idea that Trump would do anything secretly, it is absurd, he is not so humble as that even though he may say so himself. And he certainly wouldn’t remain silent about being personally responsible for the biggest take down of a paedophile ring in human history.

    Edit: What do 3,000 incarcerated paedophiles look like? I want a visualisation.

  • Dagoril

    Let me guess: The Democratic Presidents are the ones who are going to be murdered.

    • Tomcat

      The oldest two.

      • Halou

        Jimmy Carter. Born: 1 October 1924 (age 93)
        George H.W. Bush. Born: 12 June 1924 (age 93)

        Of course these two fit young lads can only die by divine intervention.

  • Silver Badger

    A pretty easy prophecy. Bush Sr. and Carter are older than dirt. Is it still murder when god does it? That leaves Clinton, Bush Jr. and Obama to be imprisoned. . How do you suppose god will sign the arrest warrant for these last three? Will the DOJ honor god’s signature? Would it be federal prison, state or county?

    • Halou

      I’d like to know how god’s prison operates, whether it adheres to basic international human rights regulations.

  • Galvestonian

    “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. Matthew 7:14

  • geoffalnutt

    Elite pedophiles? I’m envisioning something very Monty Python-like, indeed. I think I need a nap.

    • Tulle Christensen

      Mark Taylor was not arrested so he knows it must have been only the elite pedophiles that were arrested

    • Adam King

      I guess they let the proletarian pedophiles off with just a warning.

  • William

    Does anointing count when it’s done by Russian hookers?

  • dbishop75

    this dude really needs to lay off the sacramental wine

  • BeaverTales

    How come the “sane” Christians never call out this rhetoric?

    • safari

      You mean like Paul Ryan calls out atheists for not “getting” that “prayer works” after a mass shooting?
      http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/11/07/paul-ryan-to-far-secular-left-after-mass-shootings-prayer-works/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter

      • BeaverTales

        I doubt Ryan believes half the crap that comes out of his own mouth. He’s just pandering to Christians for votes and tribal status.

    • Tawreos

      Because most of them don’t pay attention to idiots like this. I am sure if you look around there is a gay atheist spewing bullshit that we would all disagree with. We don’t know about it because we are not watching out for people like that.

      • Chucktech

        Peter Theil springs to mind…

      • BeaverTales

        Millions of gay atheists are not sending money and voting with a single crazy gay atheist though: Milo has his fans, but he gets called out by the gay community regularly.

        This guy has his own TV show and is the “darling of World nut daily”….yet the sane Christians haven’t noticed him.

        Christians have a strange and pervasive habit of not noticing Christianists. Just sayin’

        • thatotherjean

          I doubt that most Christians–make that most people–know what World Net Daily is.

      • Reality.Bites

        And because Joe banned Bill Perdue.

    • Girlgoon

      Where’s the silent Christian majority when they’re needed ?

  • Ron Robertson

    Prove your assertions, asshole.

  • Girlgoon

    Dude, how come when you were a fireman you couldn’t predict the next fire ?

    • Lars Littlefield

      Always with the difficult questions. 😉

  • Mrs. Councillor Nugent

    3000 elite pedophiles? who’s left to say mass?

  • Pure evil.

  • Lars Littlefield

    Well, ain’t he just a special little butter cup?

  • Piet

    That boy’s buying the wrong brand of yoghurt and eating crazy for breakfast. “Elite pedophiles”? What the hell is an elite pedophile, much less 3000 of them? Ai yi.

    • William

      Elite pedophiles get to use the special line at airport security.

      • Piet

        Ah, so that’s it. Well, that should make the lines shorter, but it won’t help me, now that my traveling days are over. Thanks for the information, though.

  • Charlie

    This guy is bat-sh*t crazy. Anyone who appears on Convicted Felon Jim Bakker’s scamvangalist show needs to be locked up in a loony bin. Anyone who watches this scam artist’s show or buys any of his SLOP buckets needs their head examined. This so called ‘prophet’ is one of the very reasons why nutcases go into a church or rent a truck or use a car to kill innocent people. There’s way too much hate in this country and Resident Dump is the leader of the pack. PERIOD!

  • Christopher Street

    Fuck this actual piece of human garbage.

  • TheManicMechanic

    In a better world, people like this would be confined to asylums and never heard from again.

  • Lazycrockett
    • safari

      I want to buy him new shoes.

      • Lazycrockett

        I wonder if they gave him a lollipop for not crying.

    • Silver Badger

      Look at the size of those feet and that nose. The mind boggles…

      • William

        Isn’t he pocket sized?

  • boobert

    For these nuts to think the moron is their savior is completely insane. He’s using them most of all, and they’re too stupid to realize it. The only god trump worships is money.

    • Lazycrockett

      I don’t remember the evangelist being this cra cra when Bush was in office.

      • mad-dog

        No, they’ve been this crazy at least since the Carter administration when I started actively mocking them; they just have more ways to get the madness to the masses now.

      • Friday

        Well, I dunno if they were this *off-the-wall* about it, but they were blaming queers and Pagans and feminists for 9/11 before the dust even stopped flying.

    • BillysWilly

      The hypocrisy of the evangelicals is just stupefying. If ANY other person had said “grab ’em by the pussy”, owned casinos and strip joints, etc, they’d be all over it. The orange baboon gets away with it. It really seems to be a big conspiracy of the rethugs to plant these so-called prophets and preachers so that they can talk to the morons who call themselves evangelicals.

  • PickyPecker
    • ChrisMorley

      I loathe that homophobic bore.

    • kareemachan

      We did this to an alarm clock when I worked up in Barrow one time. Damned thing was loud and obnoxious and we celebrated the end of the work season by shooting the crap out of it. With a shotgun.

      • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

        Alarm clocks were really obnoxious when I was a kid. Of course, I’d be sound asleep when it went off, starting off the day with a brutal jolt of adrenaline.

        Today’s alarm clocks are much nicer. My Amazon Echo makes a gentle sound that doesn’t shock you awake.

      • Grumpy Old Man

        We hid a bunch of alarm clocks around the campsite set to go off at random times throughout the night – we were going to make it a contest about who could ‘get’ the most. We ruined a perfectly good tent – but we were just killing time.

  • Girlgoon

    The 3000 elite pedophiles are imprisoned in a basement under a really big pizzeria somewhere in DC

    • Natty Enquirer

      Subsisting on baby carrots and Tang.

      • a chef friend of mine says those “baby” carrots are a blasphemy.

        They are actually merely ugly carrots that have been peeled down to the nub

  • Gene Perry

    3000 elite pedophiles. Seriously, how do you even begin to respond to a claim like that?

    • Reality.Bites

      And how would you even find 3000 elite ones with Jared Fogle, Gary Glitter in jail?

      • LeeCMH

        Tom “turn-a-page” Foley.

    • Friday

      Cause somehow secret prisons are good ideas to these Christianists. Besides which, if Drumph actually accomplished any such thing, he and his surrogates would be trumpeting it to the hills.

  • Jerry Kott

    This Rabbit Hole doesn’t have a bottom, the madness is on a loop.

  • Jmdintpa

    Just remember as crazy as they sound they believe this. They are armed to the nines and are just waiting for the prophet to call them to arms. They are ready with god on their side to impose as much damage as a semi automatic weapon on a crowd can do. Thats the kind of deranged people we are dealing with and there are millions.

    • Girlgoon

      Right now the loonies are in charge of the asylum what do the few of us sane people do ?

  • 2patricius2

    Perfect quote on the screen: “Speaking lies in hypocrisy…” Pretty much describes Drumpf and this phony (profit) prophet. And isn’t it time for that scam artist Bakker to go back to prison again?

  • DesertSun59

    So amusing. That mere human being has the inside scoop on an invented Bronze Age tribal deity’s punitive measures.

  • LeeCMH

    tRump is the image of all things not Christian.
    + Three times divorced
    + Adulterer
    + Potty mouth
    + etc, etc.

    But he be a haten dem fags, and that’s okay with me.

    • motordog

      Don’t forget mooslims and mud cullert folks in general.

  • Jeffg166

    The bar for Christian prophet has been set rather low.

  • Larry in Oklahoma

    Actually, not that it matters, but he’s misquoting that verse. It actually says: ” Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm.” Mark Taylor should also be aware that HIS Bible cautions him about misquoting what he’s citing. OK, aside from all that, who ARE some of these 3000 prisoners? Names? Locations they are being held? God’s gonna murder two former presidents? I guess he means that Democrat dude Bill Clinton and that supposedly foreign born Black brother. But THIS is Christianity? I want no part of what this snake oil salesman is selling.

  • lizdhm

    “I’m not done with the prophecy yet. It’s still in post production.”

  • Stogiebear

    Oh Honey, I live right next to Grand Prairie and witnessed Heather peddling her pussy down on I-30 during rush hours. She deserved it!

  • ETownCanuck
  • Todd20036

    Where’d the ignore button go?

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    No he won’t, because he doesn’t exist.

  • Queequeg

    So, god is a cop now? How does he send someone to jail? These whack jobs just need to STFU.

  • disqus_D9pH1OIG67

    I wonder what hole he slithered out of.

  • kareemachan

    Notice they revert to the OT gawd with crap like this. I do not remember anybody ever saying, “Jeebus will kill the prez for speaking against drumpster.” Just their vengeful, OT gawd.

  • TexasBoy

    “two will be taken, three will be shaken.” How convenient that God rhymes his idiotic commentaries.

    And Donald Trump is an anointed one, now? Wow, people are gullible. When will he perform his first miracle?

    • coram nobis

      Depends on the translation. I believe it’s “stirred, not shaken.”

      • Mikey

        it could also be translated as “disturbed, not bothered”.

    • William
  • William

    A few days ago, there was some minister on the 700 Club just giddy about how much Trump loves the evangelical folks. It was absolutely disturbing. He was so excited talking about ministers laying on the hands Cheetolini.

  • Alpha 50327

    Way to go out on a limb. Bush 1 can’t leave his wheelchair and Carter is a 90+ cancer survivor. And how can you say ‘These guys could care about people, it’s all about their agenda.’ without your head exploding?

  • coram nobis

    “Anointed” usually meant, biblically, that you poured oil on him.

    So, 20-20 SAE? Or 10-40W?

    • Karl Dubhe

      Mineral or vegetable?

      Really wouldn’t want to use motor oil. 🙂

      • coram nobis

        But … ! After all he’s done for the petroleum industry!

        • Karl Dubhe

          I’m sorry, you’re right. We should use heavy oil for the ministers of religious groups. Let them bathe in the heavy oils sold by Koch.

  • motordog

    Has the 700 club or bakker ever delivered a sermon on ‘false prophets’?

    • Karl Dubhe

      Not directly, no.

      I think every one of their sermons touches on that issue, does that count?

  • John Calendo

    Shaken, but not stirred.
    https://youtu.be/l3fZuW-aJsg

  • Mikey
  • Dick518

    Anointed one?!?!?! WTF… “A pussy grabbing serial assaulter!!!”

  • What will god do about that molester mustache and mousy middlepart, which is clearly an abomination before all humanity?

  • JCF

    “two will be taken”

    Why, it’s almost like he’s looking at an actuarial table, w/ two former Presidents in their 90s (fucking GHOUL).

    ““They were trying to raise money for Hurricane Harvey, but we all know
    that is a bunch of lies. These guys could care less about people, it’s
    about their agenda.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bd9495830b2b9c7f6c44225495df400a56dec5077486031c1a90c341f6491b03.jpg

  • Hand Turkey

    Presidents aren’t anointed, you dumbass…they’re elected. As were the other guys you’re ragging on.

    And how exactly does one become an “elite” pedophile?

    Also, why do preachers always look like 1970’s porn stars?

    Okay, I’m out of questions.

  • Gianni

    Has he ever appeared on FUX News? He really should. Hannity is obviously failing at his job of keeping the citizenry appraised of these very important facts and pronouncements. God loves us all, but will kill for criticizing his “anointed” asshole President. Makes sense to me (or it will when I’m totally senile).

  • orion dumptee

    3 will be shaken? hmm, I’ll have mine stirred…..

  • Orly

    These people are just mentally ill.

  • Charles Nelson

    I guess there will be a Federal arrest warrant for God for Presidenticide.

  • rednekokie

    Oh, ye dogs and cats — will the numbskulls ever stop slithering out of the woodwork?

  • Kenny Francis Fasolo Jr.

    This whackjob needs to be arrested ASAP!

  • Tempus Fuggit

    https://youtu.be/xEt5dEOcW0I?t=2m46s (at 2:46 in case the time-indexed link fails). Oh, and 1978 called; it wanted its hairstyle back.

  • Sporkfighter

    What the hell is an “elite pedophile”?

  • Michael West

    the giysas loopy as harold camping and several times more likely to be SHAMED back into your nasty cave!! prophets get one chance to be right or wrong !

    TELL EM to KEEP HIS OTHER DAY SLACK!!!

  • TJ Pierce

    Certified nutter.

  • Maura Hart

    if this does not happen, then this doofus is a lying false prophet. and the bible says we can stone him to death!!! wonder if he knows that?

  • Ann Kah

    “The Bible says, ‘Do not touch my anointed”

    Your anointed what? OK, OK, I won’t touch it. At all!

  • Andrew146

    Let me guess, the two oldest people die a few years from now, and this dip-wit claims “God’s will is done”. And to claim Trump is God’s anointed one is heresy. These “Christians” are false profits. Plus, this is America. We don’t have divinely anointed leaders. Go back to Czarist Russia

  • J.Z. Slawosky

    Isn’t their a passage about prognostication in the Bible? Oh yeah they are consorting with the evil one. to get these prophecies

  • barclaylin

    Pathetic. Didn’t God give him the dates? What a jerk, two of the presidents are over 90 and may die any moment now.
    And death can’t be punishment, for EVERYBODY DIES.

  • Anne Fisher

    Beware of False Prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
    By their fruits ye shall know them. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
    Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but the corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
    A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
    Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Therefore by their fruits ye shall know them.
    Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father who is in heaven.
    Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy by thy name, and by thy name cast out demons, and by thy name do many mighty works?
    And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
    Every one therefore that heareth these words of mine, and doeth them, shall be likened unto a wise man, who built his house upon the rock:
    and the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and if fell not: for it was founded upon the rock.
    And every one that heareth these words of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, who built his house upon the sand: and the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and smote upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall thereof.
    (Matthew 7:15-27)

    • Anne Fisher

      Reminder that Jesus never wished death upon people, but came to give life. Jesus did not brag about grabbing women by the pussy, nor did He say, “Sorry. I can only heal you if you can pay for it” or “Get a job. No one wants to pay to feed you, just because you are sick & old.” He never said, “Blessed are the Selfish, the Greedy, the Narcissistic, and the Pussy-Grabbing.”

      I voted GOP for 30 years, but NEVER again. They have shown their true hypocritical faces, and DARE to claim “Christians” among their voters.

      REAL “Christians” do NOT follow such men. Real “Christians” do NOT bow down to worship the False Idol of Trump.

      Trump & his political cronies are the ultimate RINOs.

      A great REAL Republican once said, “Patriotism means to be loyal to one’s nation, not to one’s President.” (Teddy Roosevelt)

      I will be loyal to my nation, and my Lord. But to do so, I CANNOT be loyal to the GOP any longer. Now and forever, I must be #FormerGOP .

  • Crysta

    I put my money on Trump dying in jail due to rectal hemorrhaging.