Trump’s Longtime Bodyguard Keith Schiller To Face House Intel Panel About 2013 Moscow #Pissgate Trip

The Washington Post reports:

One of President Trump’s most trusted confidants, a security chief who served as his sounding board for nearly two decades, will face questions from congressional investigators next week about Trump’s 2013 trip to Moscow, according to people familiar with their plans.

The excursion is at the center of some of the most salacious allegations in a now-famous dossier, which contains unverified charges that Trump has vehemently disputed. The House Intelligence Committee has called former longtime bodyguard Keith Schiller to appear for an interview Tuesday as part of its probe of Russian meddling in the 2016 election.

Investigators plan to press Schiller about allegations in the 35-page dossier that Russian officials obtained compromising information about Trump’s personal behavior when he visited Moscow for the 2013 Miss Universe pageant, according to people familiar with the investigation.

  • Tomcat

    Hooker bodyguard.

    • Bambino

      And I…..will always eewww eeewwwwww….
      will always eeeewwwwwwww
      my furor, ewwwwwwwwww
      bitter taste yellow stain
      that is all I can think of these days…..

  • Sam_Handwich

    so the House intel comm is trying to get in front of the mess, and then proclaim “nothing to see here – the bodyguard says so” ?

    • Joe in PA

      I’m thinking Mueller won’t see it quite the same way. Teeheehee.

      Hurry Mueller, hurry.

  • Karl Dubhe

    He should know who went into Trump’s hotel room. 🙂

    Will he be afraid of prosecution? I’m not sure that he needs to be.

    • j.martindale

      On the contrary, I would think he is terribly vulnerable. His lies could send him away if the tapes eventually turned up. I would be more of the opinion that he will have a conveniently poor memory.

      • Chucktech

        Sent to the pokey over a pee tape. What a truly ignominious way to go.

  • Bambino

    The ultimate fear for the fucking moron in regards to the pissgate is the world will expose to his tiny penis.

    • JackFknTwist

      And that is the ultimate humiliation for Trump/turd………he talks loud and carries a small dick.

      • RoFaWh

        A small, limp dick at that.

  • Dreaming Vertebrate

    Senator: Mr. Schiller, what is urinalysis of the pee-pee tape story? Is it real or an attempt to embarrass Mr. Trump.
    Schiller: Senator! I have never seen Mr. Trump’s bare ass!

  • Scout
    • Scout
      • Gerry Fisher

        I really *hate* that “everybody is asking” or “everybody is saying’ manipulation. It’s so transparent to me.

        • JCF

          It’s the “Trump Tweet —> FOX & Friends —> Trump ‘Everybody Says'” cycle.

    • William

      Trump needs to read up on the three branches of government. Was there a Schoolhouse Rock song for this?.

      • Snarkaholic

        Yes, but it was one of their worst songs.

    • Stev84

      He is really jealous of his dictator friends Putin, Erdogan and Duerte

      • Todd20036

        No. He’s still jealous of Obama and Hillary Clinton because the majority of America loved them.

        Or at least would vote for them.

    • Chucktech

      The yoooge difference is that Nixon knew that trying to influence the DOJ and the FBI was outrageously improper. Trump is too ignorant and ill-informed to understand why this is a BFD.

      • Amanda B. Rekendwith

        He just doesn’t care what the rules are.Only losers play by the rules. He’s a winner. He MAKES the rules. Classic FIGJAM.

      • Todd20036

        Trump, unlike Nixon, is too stupid to know when to shut up!

    • David Walker

      Rachel had a really good segment on 45’s thoughtless pronouncements’ effect on any legal decision…military or civilian…and it’s pretty much when it talks about something, he prejudices the case against the defendant, whether anyone listens or not. The slaughterer in NY this past week now does not have to worry about a death penalty. The fucking moron announced that it wanted the DEATH PENALTY (liar-in-chief’s caps lock), and, no matter how you feel about the death penalty, the orange asshole has taken that off the table. If anyone is telling him to shut the fuck up, he’s not listening. “NObody tells me what to say.”

      Rachel also hosted a too-short segment with a certifiably cute reporter from Politico. He definitely needs more airtime.

    • bkmn

      Just wait, when his time in front of a court comes you can bet his lawyers will claim he can’t get an impartial judge because of the comments he has repeatedly made about the judicial system and judges in particular.

      • David Walker

        I know where we can get some kangaroos for cheap.

    • RoFaWh

      Trump says “saddest”. He means most likely to cause dancing in the streets.

  • BarbWire

    He won’t turn against Trump. He will lie like hell. Under oath, he doesn’t care. The guy is a hired Mafia goon with loyalty to The Don. If he were to turn, he knows that Trump will do to him, which is total ruin. He’s not willing to risk that.

    • Hue-Man

      Plus Trump will pardon all perjury.

      • Todd Allis

        Next to access to nukes, his ability to pardon scares me the most.

    • JackFknTwist

      You never know; Trump/turd may have dissed him at some occasion, or short changed him, as Trump/turd has done with contractors.
      This guy may be waiting for this moment……you just never know what resentments may have been building for years.

      • Chucktech

        Maybe, but you know Trump makes these hand-servants sign non-disclosure agreements. So this putz has to decide if all that juice he must have on Trump will net him enough on a book deal to make it worth being sued.

        • Proud MOFO Beaner (bkb)

          Any contract term that purports to prohibit one from testifying in response to a court order would be illegal and unenforceable. Usually, these contracts are written to say you must keep so and so confidential “unless compelled to [testify, or otherwise provide evidence] by court order” or similar language

          • Chucktech

            I’m talking about writing a tell-all book.

    • robindaybird

      You underestimate Trump’s ability to stiff, belittle, and humiliate people under him.

      • Bj Lincoln

        He has been at Drumpf’s side for 20+ years. Anything could happen. Drumpf could have this man by the balls for something or the guy likes to humiliated. Drumpf could be supplying him with everything his heart desires and not willing to give it up. He could hate Drumpf so badly he knew the right moment would come along and he will put his ass in jail the second he lands. He will have the time to disappear before Drumpf lands too. I do think you are correct about his ability to humiliate. We have only heard the nicer side of that. I bet he is a tyrant in private.

  • Henry Auvil

    And why do they think he’d tell the truth?

  • Rebecca Gardner

    I can’t wait for all this information to be showered on the public. It will surely piss off Trump. Keep the leaks coming.

    • shellback

      I see what you did. Ha!

    • TrueWords
      • Steverino

        Trump, urine deep trouble.

        • TrueWords

          I love it…

          • Debra

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
            On tuesday I got a great New Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            da14d:
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        • Coprolite

          Trump, Uranus is showing, please cover it up.

      • IDavid

        ….. ‘I’d rather be golfing’….
        It’s easier than saying “I quit”.

      • RoFaWh

        That goddamned smirk he learned from Roy Cohn.

        Edit: I notice that his left eye and the left side of his mouth aren’t completely closed. Has Trump ever had Bell’s palsy?

    • Tawreos

      If this guy leaks it could be the gold standard of leaks

    • Steverino

      Goldwater would be proud.

      • Rebecca Gardner

        AuH2O

        • Bob Conti

          Finally! I made use of 11th grade chemistry!

    • TrueWords
    • Adam King

      He’s too yellow-bellied to spill all at once, but the info will eventually come out in a slow drip-drip-drip.

      • William

        See a urologist if you have a drip-drip-drip.

    • Bob Conti

      #uringate

    • Steven B

      I see what you did there. 🙂

    • Stogiebear

      Silence may be golden but congressional testimony can be too.

  • clay

    He’s already said that the Feds can’t pay him enough (i.e. as much as Turmp was when they were still “closely held”).

    • Joe in PA

      Yeah, I was just thinking about that. Surely Trump could have made up the difference…I wonder if his departure was about getting out of the limelight? Like: if I’m out of sight, no one will think of me.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    Low level hookers.
    They were only unpaid sex worker interns.
    Just got Trump coffee.

    • Nic Peterson

      Perhaps they brought him covfefe…

      • Gerry Fisher

        I *hate* when that happens

        • Nic Peterson

          I’ve had my fill of covfefe. Seriously, outlaw the stuff already.

    • Steverino

      Sounds like they drank plenty of coffee themselves, beforehand…

      • popebuck1

        She didn’t specify FRESH coffee.

  • William

    Is that the guy Melania is knocking boots with? Ewww.

    • SoCalGal20

      No.

      • William

        Good.

    • Bambino

      He gets the sloppy second from the fucking moron.

      • RoFaWh

        Fucking Moron (as he is lovingly called) is impotent and these days leaving a sloppy second for the hired hands is no longer possible.

    • Lazycrockett
      • Silver Badger

        I’d wanna see him naked before I made any judgement. In that picture he is not unattractive. Of course, this is merely a shallow comment as I have no idea who he is or what his politics are.

  • Lazycrockett

    Now these are the ones that would be quite useful to get to turn.

  • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

    TICK TOCK TICK TOCK

  • SoCalGal20

    Nothing like putting out a great big neon sign. Stay away from old real estate deals, you say?

    https://twitter.com/dsamuelsohn/status/926791130481491968

  • Statistics Palin
    • William

      Is that Paul Ryan? Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

    • Treant

      Vern could certainly guard me.

    • popebuck1

      J.K. Simmons made the cuddliest Nazi ever.

  • DesertSun59

    Slowly but surely the noose tightens.

    The real question tho is why, TRUELY, why are there so many people coddling this man-child. How can power be so addictive that people will willingly give up their very soul (I’m talking to YOU, General Kelly, Retired USMC) to play this serial-liar’s game.

    • SoCalGal20

      Kelly was no saint before he became CoS. He’s a bigot and an idealogue. He won’t save this country. At best he’ll prevent Trump from nuking us all but probably won’t even do that.

    • JackFknTwist

      I think you answer your own question.
      I have always believed that two things were totally poison even in the most diluted strength; religion and power.
      Both tend to corrupt even in the smallest quantities.

      And power at that level of the White House must be massively seductive.

      But on a brighter note, I have potted-up all my hyacinth bulbs and from here I stare out at the Atlantic ocean…..without power, without religion:
      “Cast a cold eye on life ,on death.
      Horseman pass by.”

    • JackFknTwist

      Second Reply: Look at Sessions, humiliated by Trump/turd, his years as a US senator kicked into the dirt, being hauled before Congress and accused of lying repeatedly……and still, without any regard for his own integrity, he clings to power.
      It is poison, utter poison.

  • margaretpoa

    This is going to be a veritable golden shower of dirt on the shitgibbon.

    • RoFaWh

      One of the classic legends involves a shower of gold from Zeus/Jupiter. Which kills the recipient.

  • Leo

    OT. MSNBC’s apparently doing Tuesday night Virginia panel coverage. I know lots of y’all will be here. It’s gonna be a shitshow. Someone bring the booze.
    https://twitter.com/MSNBC/status/926615012541640705

    • Leo
      • SoCalGal20

        Dems should just post that everywhere. Billboards, gave cars drive around with it, etc.

        • Chucktech

          Dems don’t do unseemly things like that…

          • SoCalGal20

            They should start.

    • SoCalGal20

      Oh yes. Rachel played the MSNBC election night music on her show on Thursday, I think (all days blend together for me anymore). They’ll be doing election night coverage. I hope Northam pulls out the win but I’m really interested in the state races and what happens with NJ and stuff too.

      • Lazycrockett

        Hardball is gonna be live at midnight. so expect Chris to fawn over RFK.

        • Chucktech

          Jesus, he is sooo past his shelf life…

      • Leo

        NJ barring some historically weird shit is not even a contest and I’m not even bothering with it.

      • Chucktech

        I’m sure the Old Dominion will let us down.

      • JCF

        I *think* the NJ Dem Gov candidate (don’t even know his name, {cringe}) is in the bag? [NJ Dems: Vote, Vote, VOTE!!!]

    • Lazycrockett
  • DaddyRay

    I wonder if they could track down the Prostitutes by their IP address

    • MikeBx2

      I see what you did there. lol

      • DaddyRay

        We may finally have an example of Trickle Down actually working

    • AJ Drew

      I pee what you did there

      • DaddyRay

        It just flowed out of me

      • MikeBx2

        Ha! I saw and you peed at the same time. 🙂

    • Tulle Christensen

      I have to wonder if urine to such things?

      • BigOnion

        It depends.

    • MBear

      Urine a lot of trouble for that one, buster

      • Tulle Christensen

        I think we can expect a steady stream of these

        • MBear

          Number one thing to do this morning

    • Mikey

      easy, they’re Lotta Urinallova and Ivana Pissonyu (she’s actually Romanian).

      • Mark Cross

        They’re his #1 fans.

        • Mikey

          thank god his #2 fans didn’t show up… ewwwww

    • JCF

      Check where they’ve been streaming…

    • popebuck1

      The investigators are also pursuing a mysterious figure, one Mr. Ivan Petrovich Freeley.

  • Treant

    House Committee? Useless, then. Hopefully Mueller already has the PissGate tape.

  • Michael R
    • Ernest Endevor

      God, I hope so. And I hope it leaks. Someone should definitely stream it.

      • Treant

        I’m waiting for the river. Of tears, of course. Tears.

      • Mikey

        there will be a golden opportunity.

    • Treant

      Maybe, but he wouldn’t use it in any prosecution. Water sports aren’t illegal here (or, to my knowledge, in Russia).

      He’d quietly leak (hee!) it to the press, who would happily broadcast it. But he’ll choose a better time than this–when Dumpster is more susceptible to being forced to resign.

      • Tulle Christensen

        Of course water sports are not illegal in Russia, they even have an Olympic water polo team

        oh wait….what?

        never mind

      • Bambino

        The only reason for Mueller to use it is to rattle the fucking moron to trip over himself to self-incrimination. Otherwise it adds no value to the investigation.

        • kareemachan

          Actually, it does. It shows the imbecility and mindset of drumpster. It shows the way he thinks, and if you realize he has the ability (supposedly) to start a nuclear war, IT MEANS A LOT.

          • Bambino

            It’s not a tip over point for his supporters and the GOP. His impeachment needs absolute proof on legal ground. The pee tape was just one of the many personal indulgence in the context of the whole collusion investigation.

      • Chucktech

        Oh, please. The press wouldn’t “happily” broadcast shit. They’d wring their hands and breathlessly say they have this tape that’s not suitable for broadcast. If they even tried, the video would be one giant blur-out.

        • Treant

          I’m willing to bet that dozens of online news carriers would happily play it uncut, then watch as the response crashed their servers. 🙂

          • Chucktech

            I’ll happily and eagerly do my part in server-crashing!

          • Adam King

            I don’t want to see it. I plan to use my eyes later in life for other things.

        • RoFaWh

          I get so fucking tired of Youtube’s “this video is inappropriate for the young, sign in to verify your age.”

          I make a point of not signing in to any element of the Google organization unless I must. And that doesn’t happen very often at all.

      • Friday

        Actually, it wouldn’t be about illegality of the peeing, it’d be about Drumph being beholden to blackmail as one of the reasons he’s so pro-Russian and Russian interests.

        • Treant

          True, but that’s way too subtle for the American right to understand.

          • Friday

            Granted, they habitually indulge hypocrisy.

        • Steven H

          I’m not a fan of that argument… it’s one that has been used against gay people in government for years (and is still being used against people who are at least partially in the closet).

          The mere fact that someone could try to blackmail you over something that you might find embarrassing isn’t proof that you’re a traitor; if that’s all the government has to press on this Schiller dude, then we shouldn’t be pleased.

          Besides, this whole thing became public before Trump was president, and after far more shameful things became public, so (a) Russia didn’t have the opportunity to act on this material, and (b) Trump likely wasn’t vulnerable to blackmail over this in the first place, since he’s generally shameless.

          At any rate, this whole thing seems a little… sex negative, frankly.

          • Friday

            Well, it’s different from a ‘lavender scare’ in that this would be about showing the one individual is clearly compromised and beholden to a hostile foreign power in *fact,* …it’s not cause he could be outed/lose his job over being a persecuted minority.

            Frankly, it’s part of building up a picture of various ways Drumph’s been compromised and for how long. (And Trump may be shameless about lots of misdeeds, but he’s very image-conscious, and that image don’t go so well with watersports.)

    • -M-

      The Russians have the tapes. Steele never saw them, his sources told him about them and described what some of them show.

      • Michael R

        So we won’t see it until Putin wants Trump out .

        • Adam King

          Or just wants to ramp up the American political chaos.

  • marshlc

    You know what I love? I love that Trump has brought all this on himself.

    If he would have kept his mouth shut, and done a, oh, let’s say a 50% competent job at the actual work of being President, there would be no scandal right now. Sure, the left would be screaming, about corruption, about the Russians, about terrible appointees like DeVos – but if Trump was putting up a reasonable facsimile of an actual leader (not even doing any leading, but saying leaderlike things) and if a little bit of work was getting done, nobody else would care. A significant number of Democrats in Congress would be voting with Republicans on various bills, because nobody would be looking all that closely. An unfired Comey, a Republican, would not be pursuing the Russian investigation too urgently, if at all, if he could see that life was progressing normally. The mainstream media would be going along with business as usual, treating Trump as if he were the real president and chasing various squirrels. Trumpanzees would be saying “Aw, turns out he’s just another politician” and have gone back to ignoring politics in any meaningful way besides bitching.

    And instead there is this dumpster fire that even his supporters can’t ignore, all because the man cannot control himself and act like a normal person for five minutes. It’s got all the elements of classical tragedy, where the seeds of his own downfall are in his character. Except because we all hate him, it’s not very tragic.

    • Natty Enquirer

      Trump is no leader, but neither is he doing nothing. He has signed nearly 100 executive orders and memoranda. He is nominating fiercely conservative judges to the federal courts, and this is where the real damage is being done while we obsess over his nasty tweets.

      • Chucktech

        Not to mention installing goons and cretins in cabinet positions, judgeships [edit: you did mention that], and of course, the Atty. General.

        • Natty Enquirer

          True, but these people leave office with the President in four years or less. Federal judges hold their positions until they die, retire, or are removed for misconduct.

          • Chucktech

            Absolutely, but Dept. of Ed., DOE, EPA and Interior can do great and lasting damage.

          • kareemachan

            So it’s okay then? Again, pffft.

            ETA: Baka, teinousha, asshole, moran, etc.

      • AlternativeQuacks

        Yeah, and he’s been especially active dismantling all our environmental protections. It’s kind of odd how that has gone mostly under the radar. Not that people haven’t been reporting on it, but it’s like nobody car…. SQUIRREL!

        • -M-

          A firehose of outrages.

        • Could it be that most people are overwhelmed with the daily fires, the scary Russia storyline?

        • BearEyes

          same with dismantling consumer protection regulations

      • marshlc

        That’s normal partisan stuff.

        It’s terrible, don’t get me wrong, but it’s what can be expected when one party gets power after a period of several years, in a deeply partisan system.

        We would be screaming about it here, if any Republican president did it, no matter how well he otherwise held to the norms of presidential behaviour, because we care about these things, and because we are in opposition to Republican policy.

        But most people – mainstream media, the apolitical general public, the rest of the world – would just be saying “Well, yes, a right wing government was elected, so they can be expected to initiate right wing policy”. There would be outrage and concern in some quarters, but it would be the kind of outrage and concern that was felt, say, in the US when Thatcher was in charge in the UK. She did a lot of damage in the UK, and a lot of damage was done on this side of the Atlantic when her ideas crossed the ocean, but since she held herself like someone who knows what a world leader looks like, in general those who disagreed who were not the British Left mostly just shrugged and said “Well, what can you do?”

        The reaction to Trump is different, and the reason it is different is that he is incapable of pretending to be a normal person. That part, he has done entirely to himself.

      • kareemachan

        Pfft. If that’s your idea of presidential “doing something”, you’re a nidiot.

    • RoFaWh

      His enormous gut is proof he completely lacks self-control.

      • marshlc

        Hey now! I’ve got an enormous gut myself, but I can still be professional when I’m at work.

  • SoCalGal20
    • Jean-Marc in Canada

      but, but, that would mean that the far left is culpable at keeping women down…surely she must be wrong. /s

    • JCF

      Hey Amber, how ya been? [I admit, she’s been off my radar since “Joan of Arcadia”: a good show that died too soon.]

      • SoCalGal20

        Loved Joan of Arcadia!

        She accused James Woods of trying to pick her and her fiend up when thry were 16 and take them to Las Vegas. Then the Harvey Weinstein story blew up. She’s s great twitter follow.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada
  • TheGrandWazoo2

    “I’m not a farmer and don’t know anything about chick peas, sir.”

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      There’s a garbanzo bean joke lurking in this quote. Somewhere.

      • TuuxKabin

        certainly a kidney bean . . . or stone . . .

        • Johnny Wyeknot

          That’s no joke …

          • TuuxKabin

            Sowwy.

  • AlternativeQuacks
    • Mikey

      ROFLMAO
      Hey!!! watch out my laughing could have woken my hubby who’s peacefully sleeping off a difficult and exhausting week.

  • Leo

    OT spamming more Virginia shit today because I can. this is lolz.
    https://twitter.com/jmartNYT/status/926810973503139842

    • Treant

      “No, Carly, we heard he was a fucking racist.”

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    OT- suks when a hottie turns out to b ugly

    https://twitter.com/mla1396/status/926841057177952256

    • Silver Badger

      A love spat gone bad?

  • MikeBx2

    O/T: What better way to get free advertising for your hotel than to make a stop on the way to the airport…
    https://twitter.com/JonLemire/status/926853254293495808

    • Treant

      Or point out to sane Americans, “Do not stay here. There are toupee cooties.”

    • Skeptical_Inquirer

      He’s also probably loading up on well done steaks doused with ketchup.

    • kareemachan

      Well, they gotta make money *somehow*….

    • Adam King

      He wanted to sniff the mattresses.

      • RoFaWh

        More probably so Trump could help himself to all the cash in the registers, cash boxes, etc.

  • chuckrod

    You peeple on this site are too much…I love it!

  • MBear

    Lotta chat on here about piss tapes.

    You know if it was released, all those god bangers will claim Jeebus digs watersports

    • Treant

      That’s why they called it the Sea of Galilee.

    • Natty Enquirer

      He turned wine into water, right?

      • Treant

        Over the course of 90 minutes, yes.

    • coram nobis

      Depends on your analysis.

    • Skeptical_Inquirer

      They already accept pussy grabbing, thrice divorced and foul language from their true lord & master. Meanwhile if you ever ask if Jesus had a nice loving consensual sexual relationship with Mary Magadalene or any of his apostles, they’d have a hissy fit.

    • Cuberly Deux

      Oh they’d recite some obscure bilebull quote. “Mortechai smote the Venztiz that sinned agin teh peoplz uv Ezrael. Celebrashuns ensued, wit much festive urinashun.”

      • MBear

        Prayzzz bees tew jeeebussss!!!

    • safari

      The Mercers are funding research on pee. Literally, they have a collection of over 20,000 samples of pee.

      • RoFaWh

        To what end?

        • safari

          Medical diagnostics

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    Congressional investigators is like jumbo shrimp.

    • TuuxKabin

      Grilled properly they can be delicious.

      • Johnny Wyeknot

        But only on rape-preventing clean coal.

  • Blackfork

    He’ll say he doesn’t recall anything.

    • Treant

      “Nothing was out of the ordinary,” Schiller replied, “I mean, hookers, blow, a dead underage prostitute, water sports, heroin, and Donald watching me fuck a hooker because he likes reminding himself of what an erection looks like occasionally.”

      • Leo

        this sounds like an actual quote

        • Treant

          In my head it is.

          • Ross

            And I read it on the internet!

          • Treant

            So you know it must be true!

          • Ross

            Exactly!

  • David

    When I first read the headline, I thought it read “Trump’s longtime boyfriend”.

  • SoCalGal20
  • Leo
    • MikeBx2

      Maddening!

    • Ross

      Bernie Sanders campaign staffers: We have proof the fix was in against us!

      Yes. Your candidate.

      • Lazycrockett

        Doesn’t the staffer have a comic shop to run?

        • Treant

          Mom’s basement isn’t zoned for that.

    • Treant

      No. You don’t or you would have whined about it piteously from the first second you even suspected it existed.

      Your candidate got fewer votes. I literally got into a long line to vote against him because I thought he would be a very bad candidate, the far-left’s answer to Donald Trump. I am not the only one who did this.

    • Karl Dubhe

      Oh, fuck the hell off.

    • SoCalGal20

      No you don’t. You just have Donna Brazile’s lies and Russian bots. Try again.

    • Paula

      I think we are completely fucked on the national political level…at least, until Bernie dies.
      C’mon Team Reaper!!!

    • kareemachan

      Well, boo-effing-hoo. Get over yourself. The vast majority of us have already a LONG time ago.

    • Bambino

      They are using the successful campaign model ran by the fucking moron courtesy of Russia.

    • The Kremlin is still all over American politics, I see.

    • Adam King

      I’m starting to think Bernoids are as bad as Trumpies.

  • MikeBx2

    The ONLY reason I clicked play was to see if he still treats Melania with the same disrespect and he didn’t disappoint. She could trip and tumble back down the steps, and he’d never know it…
    https://twitter.com/NBCNews/status/926860199750656000

    • Lazycrockett

      I do like when they get to the top and are done waving he pretty much shoves her into the plane. Fucking POS

    • Treant

      “THREE steps behind me, you whore.”

    • SoCalGal20

      If anything he’s probably worse because he hates his job.

    • kareemachan

      Gee, didn’t he diss Obama for being in Hawaii?….

      • clay

        and from.

      • MikeBx2

        He told us a few years ago that we “won’t believe” what his investigators in Hawaii were finding about Obama’s birth certificate. Perhaps he was checking in with them.

        • popebuck1

          My guess is, they stopped reporting back after the first time their paychecks bounced.

          • RoFaWh

            There were no investigators and, hence, no paychecks.

    • Bambino

      He knew it. He was just looking for an excuse to buy a new one if she broke.

  • Sam_Handwich
    • Ross

      And both are true.

    • Lazycrockett

      41’s liberation of Kuwait was understandable. I think the WH has the wrong president here.

      • David Walker

        Not checking facts before issuing a statement. That’s a new one. Must be the weekend staff.

        • Bambino

          Contract workers a la Twitter style.

      • Friday

        The biggest blunder there was when Bush told the pro-democracy Iraqis to rise up… then hung them out to dry, thus …*getting almost all of them killed.* Thus setting up for Dubya’s even bigger blunders.

    • Cuberly Deux

      “…the forgotten men and women…”

      Talibanjelicals and bigots?

      • RoFaWh

        No. Just a dog whistle.

    • Adam King

      I.e., Republican Presidents are destructive pieces of shit.

  • Paula

    Keith Schiller looks like the kind of guy that would throw people out of hotel windows.

  • Steven B

    What’s the over-under on whether he’ll tell the whole truth or risk felony charges for the sake of loyalty?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2a7a713941b079d3c5ce4e62c3582e718ef24dc9ab940f6bc514c151f23b3fa9.jpg

    • Treant

      To the Committee? It’s Republicans, so perjury is the order of the day. He won’t face any charges.

      If Mueller has spoken with him, he told the truth because he knows Dumpy has no honor, no loyalty, and not that much money and sure won’t stand up for or help fund the defense of a mere underling.

      • Steven B

        I thought it was a felony to light to the committee even though it’s not under oath.

      • Steven B

        I thought it was a felony to lie to the committee even though it’s not under oath.

        • Treant

          Only if you’re a Democrat or defending a Democrat. Republicans will not bring charges against their own.

          • David Walker

            Right. Sense of honor and all that.

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    So, what’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

    • David Walker

      Don’t know, but the fucking moron is an expert on chicks peeing.

    • Lars Littlefield

      Side note: If you’re seriously trying to lose weight or just keep the threat of a tool shed at bay, add a daily cup garbanzo beans to your diet (between breakfast and lunch). You’ll be amazed what happens.

      • Is this true? Hubby is always fighting the threat of tool shed-ism.

        • Lars Littlefield

          It helps a great deal. The same amount of humus make from garbanzos works, too. Garbanzos are what dietitians call a “thick carbohydrate.” They digest slowly leaving most people sated longer. Slow absorption prevents them from flooding your system with a burst of complex sugars. Just avoid garbanzos/chick peas deep fried in oils. Indians love chana, deep fried garbanzos dried and seasoned with a variety of spices. Chana is delicious and as addictive as potato chips. The oil used to cook them, not so friendly for keeping trim and fit.

          • Sounds fantastic! When I pick up some forgotten odds and ends tomorrow at the grocery, I’ll pick up a container of hummus and some sweet peppers for dippers. I’ll start adding chickpeas to meals to help hold him longer as well. Thank you very much for the info!!

          • Lars Littlefield

            Remember, a two-pound back of dry garbanzos is the least expensive way to make humus. Just soak two cups in clear fresh water overnight, rinse them, and throw them in a blender until they’re the right consistency. I usually throw a couple of raw garlic cloves in and a seasonal spice. Canned garbanzos have their uses, but it’s just as easy (and cheaper) to soak your own. 🙂

          • Wow! I didn’t know that making hummus was that easy! What is a seasonal spice?

          • Lars Littlefield

            small (as in pinches) of coriander, mace, turmeric, indian spice mix, powdered ginger, ground cardamon, ground rye seed . . . whatever you have a hankering for. Just use a smidgen, not even a quarter of a teaspoon. I like to use a generic mustard seed-based curry. Curry and celery go well together. Ust plain hummus with a little Sriracha sauce splashed on top is damn good, too.

          • I see a very busy food processor in my future! Mega thanks! I love hummus on flax seed crackers….yum!!!

      • Johnny Wyeknot

        I Don’t even know what that means

  • SoCalGal20

    Anybody here speak Greek? But he was just a coffee boy!

    https://twitter.com/funder/status/926836275339915264

    • Bambino

      The covfefe link.

  • Treant

    OT: OK, so not quite done just yet. This is in a pot, but it has plenty of friends still blooming. I’ll be bringing the pots in on Tuesday when the weather changes, and they’ll stay in for the winter.

    Most of the plants won’t survive the entire winter, but they should look good and bloom into January.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/366458b6ba3a4b71706b139a7e835e70e4a80b63df4ffcfe6ba8ed1f3791d7b4.jpg

    • David Walker

      Orange is so beautiful on almost every living thing. That is to say, “almost everything living thing.” There is an exception, of course.

      This, however, is gorgeous. Thanks for posting it.

      • Treant

        I tend to winter plants that are orange or red, since those are two colors you don’t see during the winter. Yellow’s nice, but too thin a hue. Most blues won’t survive indoors, although I’m wintering an ageratum that should do OK.

      • RoFaWh

        Orange is one of the colors not distinguishable by red-green colorblind folks. Put a pair of the Enchroma color vision corrective glasses on a sufferer, and they literally don’t know what they are seeing.

        Purple has the same effect.

    • bkmn

      We had unpredicted snow here in western Washington that actually hung around a few hours. We were pleasantly surprised that one of the farmers at the market had raspberries today – was not expecting that to happen.

      • Treant

        It’s going to turn and when it does, it’s going to go hard and fast. We’re looking at a sudden drop into late fall on Tuesday evening, and recovery from that looks limited.

        Enjoy your raspberries whilst ye may. 🙂

  • bkmn

    Schiller might be the only one that Trump might actually provide real legal aid for. But we know what Schiller’s testimony will be….

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a703ccacb89ada571722c0dcf3f7acca225e124b362c6333193f11814244e18e.gif

    • Depends on whether he’s offered a deal in exchange for immunity.

      • LeeCMH

        Yes. It appears the Mueller plea deal office is busy.

        • If I could think of one person who could ask for and potentially receive actual blanket immunity, it’d be Schiller.

          Because at the present time it doesn’t appear he’s benefited materially (in a significant way) from working for Donald all those years. Sure, he was reasonably well paid and all that, but I haven’t heard anything about him suddenly becoming a multimillionaire due to shady overseas oil deals.

          • Adam King

            …as far as we know.

      • coram nobis

        A pee deal?

        • LeeCMH

          It is not my problem, its urine.

      • RoFaWh

        “If you tell the truth, we’ll only imprison you for ten years.”

  • SoCalGal20
    • Karl Dubhe

      I suppose it’s too late in the year to do that to Niagara Falls. (not that I would, but think about it. 🙂 )

      • Adam King

        Drink a lot of beer and take a lot of vitamin B to get ready for spring.

  • skyweaver

    Ahh an all-urine-pun thread. I love you guys

    • Stogiebear

      Offer void where prohibited.

  • JCF

    I swear, I just read “Trump Longtime Boyfriend”.

    And now I must go vomit—

    http://gif.mocksession.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/DON-DRAPER-PUKES.gif

    • RoFaWh

      That’s Trump’s longtime boyfriend after blowing Trump and causing six ejaculations in quick succession. I’d throw up too.

  • LeeCMH

    Who are you? I.P. Dailey
    Where do you live? Yellow Falls

    Your book: The Never Ending Stream.

  • safari
    • SoCalGal20

      Jinx!

      Maybe instead of “Hacks” she should have just called it Donna’s Burn Book.

  • SoCalGal20

    If you didn’t already think Donna Brazile’s book was a hot mess.

    https://twitter.com/washingtonpost/status/926872325655494656

    • Treant

      Ok…and how, precisely, did she think she was going to pull that one off? I like Biden. I’d vote for Biden. But Biden wasn’t running and didn’t want to run, and had not, at that point, amassed any delegates.

      It sounds like a transparent attempt to hand Bernie the win by shifting candidates mid-stream and declaring that the new candidate can’t ever receive enough delegates to win.

      • SoCalGal20

        Yeah Biden didn’t run because his son had recently died (and maybe so he wouldn’t to deal with Donna and Debbie!).

    • Who the hell does she think she is?
      1. First of all, if Hillary could not run — shouldn’t Bernie as the #2 candidate — with positions that the DNC adopted — have been considered by the national committee members? She is not a dictatoress! There are rules!
      2. Second, where the hell does she get off making medical decisions? Fainting in public? Oh common, Hillary was pushing 18 hour days for a year. Fainting? A doctor gets to make those decisions, not her.
      3.And here is the main point. Why bring this up now? Couldn’t this crap have waited until after the Virginia governor’s race. Hey folks, if the Dems lose Virginia — to a racist Republican — after Nazis and the KKK staged the biggest rally in years in Charlottesville — Trump will have won a big one. She could have backed off until next Wednesday!
      She has done good things in the past so I am going to keep my language clean here. Edited, I removed the F word.

    • Ann Kah

      As it’s been described, she complains about stuff SHE could have done – and didn’t. Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.

  • Harveyrabbit

    Here’s the whole unedited secret pee movie for those that haven’t yet seen it…

    http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/9c7d1dce6a/too-hot-for-youtube-trump-pee-tape-real-sex-tape-from-moscow-ritz-carlton

    Just a tiny taste of it…. Well maybe taste isn’t the best word but anyway….

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4c2225f997323af12d5221f3a08dfe5c38c0fc914679c75309ef73d48da0fc5d.gif

    • JCF

      I love this GIF.

  • JCF

    New thread!

  • Barry William Teske

    Poor, poor #45.
    It must be very angering to know the decisions come from ‘his’ people, higher up, than he.

  • RoFaWh

    I hope whoever presides over his examination keeps this line in his pocket for ready use: “Mr. Schiller: I remind you that you are under oath and that the penalties for perjury can be pretty severe. Would you care to re-phrase your testimony?”

  • Henry Auvil

    House Democrat: “So tell us, does your boss frequently hire hookers to pee on him?”

    Keith Schiller: “To my knowledge, only a few months after his most recent marriage.”

  • Henry Auvil

    I’ve always loved me some Donna Brazile. Tonight, not so much.

  • Steven H

    #Pissgate is a funny as a joke, but it’s a terrible subject for a congressional hearing.

    I say that for two reasons:
    (1) it’s sex-negative
    (2) it supports the notion that, if you engage in *legal* sexual activity that some people in your community find embarrassing, the government can totally use that sexual activity against you, and even prosecute you (or, in this case, your bodyguard) for not admitting to that activity. It supports the stupid old idea that sexual minorities can’t be trusted with the nation’s secrets because they are vulnerable to blackmail, while at the same time suborning that blackmail.

    If Trump was a Democrat, we wouldn’t be happy about this. He’s a shnitstain and his supporters are hypocrites, so it’s fair for the jokes and the memes.. but it’s not a good subject for a congressional hearing.

    At any rate, I doubt it will come up. I’m sure the congresspersons who are running this hearing are more interested in the allegations of corrupt land deals, drug use, and prostitution.

    • ZRAinSWVA

      Not so sure I agree: if the person involved in the activity is ashamed of it, or would not want it to be public–legal or not–it’s leverage, therefore it’s relevant.

    • John Calendo

      Your argument, while true, misses the point. If Trump is ashamed of the alleged piss sex, if he fears associating it with his name, more importantly, with the Trump brand, than he is primed to be blackmailed. The piss sex, despite being a harmless private act, becomes the weakest point of entry. The President can be made to do things even this President would not do in exchange for silence.

  • Coprolite

    This will be tRumps most loyal employee, the one that has seen, heard and witnessed his most criminal acts, and the least likely to talk.

  • Galvestonian

    Well, it’s a choice between jail or keeping his job…but the Trumpizzi can pardon him if he goes to jail, so…