Australian Haters: I Want To Marry My Goat [VIDEO]

Pat Robertson’s Christian Broadcasting Network is weighing on Australia’s marriage battle in typical fashion, giving voice to the extremist Party For Freedom, which typically rails against blacks, Muslims, refugees, and immigrants.

Australia’s Party For Freedom is an offshoot of Dutch extremist Geert Wilders’ party of the same name and their stunts included “storming” Muslim-friendly Christian churches while dressed as Muslim clerics. Watch below.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    Go for it! Careful with those horns though, but once you get that figured out it’s pretty sweet!!

    • RaygunsGoZap

      I hear if you get a goat without teeth the horns are actually quite handy

  • crewman

    The argument that same-sex marriage will lead to fill-in-the-blank horror (men marring goats, men marrying laptops, rampant pedophilia) is harder and harder to make. There are too many countries in the world serving as counter examples where none of those ridiculous fears came to pass.

    • Tawreos

      It is so adorable that you expect them to learn from things.

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      I can’t get my mind off my lawn mower

      • David Walker

        I’ve seen your lawn mower. I understand.

      • Boreal

        If you haven’t married the mower yet, you’ll burn in hell for living in sin.

      • DumbHairyApe

        Have you NEVER seen a John Deere????

      • Todd Allis

        Is it a riding lawn mower?

    • zherazhera

      I dunno, now that my PC is in the shop and I’m using my phone, it does feel a bit like cheating on a really great guy with a crack junkie I found under the overpass.

      • Dagoril

        I want to write a novel about it. “Zhera: The Under The Overpass Years”.

        • zherazhera

          Lol! I’d buy that book!

          • Dagoril

            “It was a dark and stormy night, somewhere outside the town of Malbork. ..”

    • Goodboy

      I love those wacky Christians when they think they’re being so witty and smart.

  • Tawreos

    If the legislature ever votes to give children and goats the ability to sign a contract then you can marry either one. Lawmakers aren’t likely to give either one that ability, but you are welcome to try.

    • Treant

      Even there, laws regarding the age of consent would apply and probably require judicial permission for weddings of younger folks. After all, an 18-year-old can go to war, sign a contract, and so on…but can’t buy alcohol.

  • Why won’t Pat Robertson do us all a favor, and die?

    • Tawreos

      Because it would do us a favor.

      • Jonathan Smith

        Satan dosent want him, god wont take him.

        • Tawreos

          I hear Venus has offered to take him.

          • Sol, only need to raise a few billion for the rocket delivery.

          • Tawreos

            We just need to get the rocket out of the atmosphere and on the correct course. Gravity will do the rest and I am sure such a faithful servant would expect his god to sustain him to he arrives at his destination.

  • HZ81

    Where’s Thunderdome when you need it?

    “Two men enter. One man leaves.”

    Although in this case, I’d be the only man, or queermo if you prefer.

    • HZ81

      Also, sidebar: Had a chat with friend last night. We both came out years ago now, but were commiserating how ashamed we were (or were made to feel, really) about being gay—and today we’re upset if anyone thinks we’re straight. It’s offensive.

      And these douches are why. Choke on that. Aussie assholes.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      “Two men enter. One man leaves with a goat.”

  • Jonathan Smith
    • Tawreos

      Is the goat porn for the guys that want to marry them?

      • The_Wretched

        Narcoleptic goats.

        • David Walker

          Sounds like an action movie title: Narco Goats
          Ready to go under(the)cover to weed out the bad guys and put them in the can

    • safari

      Poor fainting goats.

      • Ragnar Lothbrok

        Talk about a genetic fuck up

        • Lumpy Gaga

          “He certainly didn’t get that from MY side of the family.”

        • Lars Littlefield

          Similar to waltzing mice.

        • Hunter M

          No reason to bring 45 into this.

  • shellback

    Legally consent. Legally consent. Legally consent.

  • PickyPecker
    • JCF

      Like most things that disgust them, they lack the honesty to admit they desire it.

  • Boreal

    Why would he want to marry it? He has already consummated the relationship. Why buy the c̶o̶w̶ ̶ goat when you can have the milk for free?

    • Tawreos

      He wouldn’t want the goat to face the shame of living in sin with him.

      • Xiao Ai: The Social Gadfly

        Right before the divorce she bought the farm.

  • Reality.Bites

    If it didn’t happen in New Zealand why would it happen somewhere without the tradition?

  • Blake Jordan

    I did not know (farm) animals were capable of giving informed consent, like adult humans can…

  • Ninja0980

    They are aware of consent right?

    • Tawreos

      Most of them don’t respect it in humans, why would would they respect it in animals?

    • RaygunsGoZap

      Consent isn’t in the Bible so it’s of Satan.

    • The_Wretched

      Or that legal rights are a feature of being 1. human 2. citizens. Goats are neither.

    • zherazhera

      Only white males of the right and proper religion are granted consent.

    • DumbHairyApe

      Consent/schlement! They want to make and enforce the rules for EVERYONE else to adhere to. They could care less about the free will of others, they want CONTROL!

    • AmeriCanadian

      Shhh…that doesn’t fit into their straw man argument.

  • watchthewingnuts

    Let them marry their goats. Then force them to publicly consummate the relationship. File under “Be careful what you ask for.”

    • Todd20036

      Who’s to say that isn’t exactly what they want to do?

    • Todd Allis

      Those poor goats.

    • Frostbite

      Please. Public goat sex is just one of their many kinks.

    • AmeriCanadian

      And then arrest them for committing bestiality?

      • watchthewingnuts

        It would definitely be a challenge to argue for/against consent. 🙂 But something tells me these folks aren’t real big on consent anyway.

    • Dazzer

      There’s a whole Black Mirrors script just there…

  • Boreal

    Rosalie is a pedophile.

  • bkmn

    Show me where the goat can sign and show consent.

  • SLK in SF
  • Bryan

    These extremists who use animals and kids, to demonize us, need investigating- as they have no understanding of consent.

  • Bluto

    I just so fed up with these kunts for christ & their absurdities.

    • Barry William Teske

      It is what they lack.
      I call it our upper hand.
      One good whack and, well, you know.

  • safari

    Is it projection when they are saying what they want to do themselves?

  • Rex

    Goat/human wedding ceremonies are just lovely.
    It’s the receptions that get out of hand.

    • Reality.Bites

      Plus it’s just embarrassing when the bride eats the tin cans tied to the car’s bumper

    • zherazhera

      But the goat will eat all the cake. None left for goat-fucker. Sad.

      • David Walker

        “Good fresh goat cheese is a special and important thing. It should be moist and creamy, without a hint of graininess. Its flavor should be clean and fresh, mouthwateringly tangy but not astringent, lemony but also milky and balanced. An unaged cheese has nowhere to hide its faults.” From Liz Thorpe’s column in “

        • zherazhera

          Have you tried brown cheese?

          • David Walker

            How about head cheese? Oh. That doesn’t mean what I thought it meant.

    • JCF

      …and also out of barn.

  • teedofftaxpayer

    Of course the stupidity is paid for by the right wing dimwits.

  • Barry William Teske

    I love bacon.
    Doesn’t mean I am commited to it.

  • safari

    O/T: Sam pointed out in the last thread that Berghdal’s sentence has come down. Expect a level 5 tweet storm.

    • Treant

      Isn’t he in the air right now? Maybe Dumpy get mad. Dumpy smash. Dumpy crash plane.

      • safari

        Is he? Does Elon Musk have the ability to move the continent while he’s away?

    • Frostbite

      But Trump likes people who don’t get captured.

  • Pip

    Why on earth do these people immediately go to incest and bestiality??? What the fuck is wrong with these people??? I mean I’ve known for a long time now that children and animals aren’t safe around straight males based on news reports and raw numbers. You know, if I go by their own arguments against us.

    • safari

      Because the idea of two men sleeping together doesn’t seem to bother people as much anymore, especially women. And two women together is a normal fantasy for straight men as far as I can tell. So, they have to “shock” people with something else other than what they’ve got their panties in a huff over.

      • Pip

        I get what you’re saying. Though the guy with the “I want to marry my child” sign does look like he needs to be investigated for kiddy porn. Also, I think it still takes a special someone to immediately go to animal and child fucking for an argument.

        • Tom Furgas

          Yeah, he does look pretty creepy.

        • zherazhera

          Did NAMBLA move to Australia?

          • David Walker

            You’re confusing that with Nambia. Wake up and smell the covfefe, z2.

          • HandsomeMrToad

            NAMBLA– is that the National Association of Marlon-Brando Look-Alikes?

        • John30013

          They think they’re being clever with their “slippery slope” argument. Ignoring, of course, legal consent and anti-incest laws (because those immediately shut down that argument).

          Of course they just come off looking like pedos and pervs.

          • glass

            Goat fuckers… there’s one in every crowd. O_o

          • Regan DuCasse

            This ground was covered over and over in so many countries now.
            People act like gay couples weren’t armed in dozens of courts at every circuit level and legislation with evidence, facts and credible witnesses for laws to change. And most persuasively, when it came to public vote, families. People with gay family members that aren’t being rejected or treated differently when it comes to marrying.

            Of course, primacy and consent being THE most essential standards to marry. And gay couples have to meet and do, and agree to, and do…the same standards and requirements for heterosexuals.
            It’s only the most monumentally stupid people who never understood that.

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      • TampaZeke

        Some of the people I know who are most bothered by two men sleeping together are women. The Republican Party is full of such women and some of those women have married men and turned them very conservative and homophobic; Stephen Baldwin’s wife, Chuck Norris’ wife, etc.

        • safari

          Mike Pence.

      • Regan DuCasse

        You are too right. I’ve noticed that about the anti gay. They just LOVE bringing up the most graphic, and explicit sexual content they think gay people engage in (as if it’s exclusive only to gay people and we know it’s not), whenever this subject comes up.

        And us pro equality folks, keep trying to maintain the conversation as a legal, Constitutional, and social responsibility issue.

    • Silver Badger


    • BearEyes

      they have nothing else.

    • Adam Schmidt

      Because to them, anything that isn’t a man and a woman is icky. And pretty much equally icky. They can gleefully and willfully ignore the fact that adults can provide consent and enter into contracts (like marriage) while children, animals, and inanimate objects can’t.

    • Goodboy
      • Pip

        He can only marry it if he starts it before consummating the marriage.

    • JCF

      “What the fuck is wrong with these people???”

      Not world enough, nor time, to answer THAT question!

    • Cerberus

      Because they fuck kids and animals and so it’s freshly on their minds.

  • Lumpy Gaga

    (re: article pic) Oh, get a job, already.

  • PR

    So basically that guy is admitting he sexual abuses his goat ?

    • KarenAtFOH

      He just can’t quit them.

  • Boreal
  • Rex

    I did date a goat, we even discussed marriage, but we couldn’t agree on if we’d raise the children Christian or barnyard, so it just didn’t work out.

    • safari

      I imagine the argument over whether or not to leave the door open to heat the outside also came up.

    • AlternativeQuacks

      You made the right choice. It would have gotten tense around the house after junior went into his rebellious adolescent phase.

    • kanehau

      Plus he turned out to be a cock sucker.

    • KarenAtFOH

      I bet he thought a cardboard wedding cake was the way to go.

    • JCF

      Kids today, they’ll just devour both.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    WOW! The level of stupidity among bigots never ceases to amaze me. Children, animals, and inanimate objects cannot give consent you stupid twats!

    • boatboy_srq

      We should ask them whether in their worldview women can give consent either. I would bet their answer would be instructive.

  • Duh-David
    • Barry William Teske

      On a moat, beside a boat.
      Should you. Did you. Could you.

    • kanehau

      I’ve never done it with a goat,
      nor with things that are prone to float,
      but in 2018… go out and VOTE!

      That’s all I have to say in this note.

  • Barry William Teske

    So thats what happens when you wash things in hot water….those hats.
    Like, who does that?

  • TominDC

    I have absolutely no problems believing that those two want to marry their goats.

  • Jon Doh

    JFC I live in Arkansas and I know of no one marrying a goat. If it isn’t happening here, it isn’t happening anywhere.

    • watchthewingnuts

      There’s always Alabama and Mississippi. You’re never really at rock bottom until one of those states is involved.

    • John30013

      There’s always Iowa, or Texas, or Arkansas, or Mississippi, or Alabama.

  • MT YVR

    I love the headline. All I ever think in response is “oh, hon… she doesn’t want to marry you.”

  • I’d be ok with this for the greater good if it meant he’d never touch a woman to bred.

  • DumbHairyApe

    So, these two guys in the photo above are admitting that one is an incestual pedophile and the other is into beastiality. Unless, of course, they are lying- but Christian types would never do that.

    I hope any current or future employers are aware of their targets/victims of their affection.

    • Tawreos

      I would like to see them get hauled in by the police for questioning over publicly stating their views on pedophilia and bestiality

      • David Walker

        Really. Why doesn’t that happen? And why does the lovely Rev. Dr. Preacher Pat escape charges of condoning and promoting such unnatural acts.

  • Karl Dubhe

    “I want to marry my child”? Seriously?

    Normally people don’t confess to pedophilia quite so openly. I hope the state’s social services are aware of him, and are monitoring how close he gets to his kids.

  • Adam Stevens

    Very telling that so many heterosexuals go right to goat-fucking.

    I don’t recall any LGBT person asking for that right. Only the heteros.

    Must be intrinsically disordered or something.

    • Todd20036

      Or maybe the goats hate gay people and are pressuring heterosexuals for this legislation.
      Ever consider that?

    • boatboy_srq

      Interesting to me that heteros go right to fvcking, regardless of who or what gets fvcked. It’s as if that’s all they think marriage is for.

      • David Walker

        You mean it’s not? *gasp*

  • zherazhera

    Everything changes? Mother and father removed from the vocabulary? Hardly. Nothing changes for straight people. Nothing.

    It’s nice that the majority has voted yes. If parliament rejects the vote, will anything happen? Will the people revolt?

    • boatboy_srq

      I still say the h8ers biggest fear is that there are boatloads of LGBT people in cis marriages who will be able to divorce their current spouses and marry the ones they love. They’re terrified that we really ARE everywhere, and that they will lose the power that shame and guilt give them.

  • blackstar
    • Boreal

      Is there a goat in that photo?

      • Lumpy Gaga

        A gloating goat.

        • Boreal


          • Lumpy Gaga

            Look at that face. That goat would be snapping if it could.

    • Karl Dubhe

      Grows facial hair, but shaves his chest?


      • Boreal

        All I care about is can he control his gag reflex.

        • AmeriCanadian

          Ooh ooh (raises hands) I can! I can! 😉

    • kanehau

      Love to know what the goat is thinking. Seems quite happy.

  • Lumpy Gaga

    [Goat looks across bed after wedding night]

    [Thinks, “What have I done?”]

  • Boreal

    Consent: a term used by libruls to serve Satan.

  • Tom Furgas

    I am not sure of marriage laws in Australia, but here in the USA one can only marry another party if that party can consent to the union. A child, of course, is underage and not able to give consent on that ground. A goat can be asked “Do you consent to marry this person?”, and it will not be possible for the goat to give this assent. Same for any asshole who says they want to marry their lawnmower, a cherry tree, or any animal.

    • David Walker

      The most embarrassing part is when the reverend asks, “Do you take this man…” and the goat says, “Baaaaaaaa.”

      • zherazhera

        In Russia the priest will say “Close enough!”


    • zherazhera

      Technically, people can marry children without their consent. The child’s parents can consent and in many states that’s good enough for the law. As young as 10, I believe.

  • Craig Howell

    Does anybody remember the scene in “My Little Chickadee” where Mae West puts a goat into bed with W.C. Fields? Jumping Jeosophat!

  • rednekokie

    Hmmm — I wonder if this numb-nuts ever considered if the goat might object!

    • Lumpy Gaga

      A goat likes to be asked.

  • P3dophile, inc3st and beastiality laws should cover those morons.

  • Treant

    Strangely, when we got married, I had to swear that I was there of my own free will and not being influenced in my decision. Additionally, I had to assent to the union.

    I don’t think a goat can do either.

  • Princess Lardass

    Please seek some counseling.

  • I_B_ME

    well that gives animal husbandry a WHOLE NEW MEANING

  • Ninja0980

    O/T but I give twitter’s porn ban about one week at most.
    Tumblr tried the same thing and it cut into their profits by a lot.

    • Treant

      It’d be like trying to block Dumpster J. Moron. It would cost $$$, so they won’t do it. If they do it, it won’t last for long.

  • kanehau

    Go ahead… marry your goat.

  • TheManicMechanic

    Punch them hard, then yell at them, “That’s what you get for wanting to marry your children or animal!” and punch again.

  • Tatonka

    The goat was radiant in a full-length burlap gown, trimmed with accents of gently nibbled calico. The groom opted for traditional formal wear of denim overalls and recently washed cotton tee shirt, boldly emblazoned with the Blumpkin family motto, “AIN’T SKEERED.” At the conclusion of the emotional ceremony, the Groom’s party erupted into enthusiastic rebel yells, prompting several members of the brides family to faint with alarm and others to scream like people.

    A reception and hootenanny followed the ceremony at the Adelaide Hill’s Country Club, where the celebrants feasted on oats, hay, and 140-proof Everclear punch. Three further engagements were announced during the best-goat’s toast to the newlyweds.

  • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

    Hey, guys. Move to Alabama. Roy Moore would happily preside. He’s done it lots of times for guys and their bass boats, trucks, guns, four-wheelers, backwoods stills…

  • Princess Lardass

    But does your goat want to marry YOU?????

    • Michael White

      It is his only hope as no man or woman would have him. I’ll bet he is the bottom in the goat/man relationship. I am a bottom not trashing them.

    • Canadian Observer

      Unlikely, goats usually come up to people looking for food… it is dogs that approach your legs with carnal intent.

  • Lizard

    Their lack of understanding of basic consent is disturbing.

  • Southeast PDXer

    If you equate two people getting married to you deserving the privilege of marrying an object, then you yourself don’t consider anyone you would marry anything but an object. Notice it’s always men that declare this type of thing? They want the right to marry a goat. They want the right to marry their laptop. These people have the mentality that the women they would marry are in fact more property than human.

    And isn’t THAT a fucked up thought?

  • KarenAtFOH

    I’m fine with them consummating their marriages with their lawn mowers.

    • DumbHairyApe

      As long as the lawnmowers are running.

    • djcoastermark

      And chain saws and hedge clippers and Roto-Tillers and heck, even the gentle sewing machine.

      • Canadian Observer

        You forgot to mention their belt sanders. Fixed it for you.

  • Gigi

    I had this discussion with a Talibangelist on the Australian Christian Lobby facebook page. When he tried the “if love is love” bullshit and asked if he could marry his dog I said, “Animals can’t provide informed consent so that wouldn’t be possible. The same goes for small children, just in case you were wondering. If you’d like to fight for your right to engage in bestiality or paedophilia, be my guest. Fight that fight but that’s not the question being posed to you in the plebiscite.” I then explained that soon the definition of marriage in Australia would be expanded to include same-sex couples, whether or not he agreed with or supported that decision. I was then banned by the Australian Christian Lobby.

  • Dagoril

    He should be forced to marry that goat. And divorce should not be allowed, should it not work out.

  • isthisdavid

    A goat can’t give legal consent, dumbass.

  • Bambino

    The question is will the goat has a say to reject the arrange marriage?

    • David Walker

      You’d think “Baaaaaaaaa” would be enough.

  • colo303

    Clearly they know nothing of consent. Coincidentally the same people who think rape is OK.

  • Kettle_Meatpot

    I wish they would keep their barnyard fantasies to themselves.

  • BearEyes

    I hope the good people of Australia pee their pants laughing and pointing at these assholes to the point the assholes are thoroughly ridiculed.

  • 2patricius2

    Man/woman marriage is not under attack. And polygamy is traditional marriage. Incest is common in Christian families, e.g. Josh Duggar, former executive director of FRC. And child marriage is something that the Duck Dynasty patriarch is for (marry a girl when she is 15 or 16). And marriage equality hasn’t made molesting children, marrying one’s children, polygamy, and all these other things acceptable or legal in countries with marriage equality.

    After nailing Tony Perkins for his lies some years ago in an email, I asked the Family Research Council: “Who is the father of lies”. Their response was “Satan.” They didn’t get the irony. If they believe there is a Satan, who is the father of lies, then by their own logic, this group of “christian” people pushing these lies about marriage equality must be Satan’s children.

  • Ben in Oakland

    We want to marry human beings, and we’re sick. They want to marry goats, and they’re Christians.

    Christ-stains is more like it.

  • Halou

    When the only woman around is your sister, and she is already getting it on with your father… I guess the goat is the only thing left.

  • JackFknTwist

    The Goat says ‘No’.

  • Friday

    Christian pervert animal rapists!

  • Charles Nelson

    His father apparently did.

  • OdieDenCO

    as soon as you teach your goat to say “I do” and understand it will be marring a buffoon you can.

  • coram nobis

    Goatwin’s Law: where right-wing argument reduces to animal husbandry.

  • FAEN

    JESUS FUCKING CHRIST-THE GOAT CANT CONSENT! Neither can a child. And no you can’t marry your siblings either 🙄.

    This is the same BS we saw before Windsor and Obergefell. Enough already!

  • CCleverly

    Yer goat wouldn’t stoop so low.

    • JAKvirginia

      Goat? You can do better.

  • RJ (TO)

    Is it just me, or is anyone else fascinated by the fact that their minds always go straight to sex with children and/or animals…

    • David Walker

      …and/or lawnmowers

  • Hue-Man

    Any distraction from what is happening to Australian asylum-seekers in Papua New Guinea. (Trump has allowed into the U.S. only 50 of the 1200 refugees agreed to by Obama.)

    By Friday, detainees said conditions were leading to illness. One asylum
    seeker, Imran Mohammad, said in a text message that three diabetic men
    had fallen ill because they were unable to get insulin, and the camp was
    strewn with garbage.

    NYT Caption: Asylum seekers linking hands
    to resist the closing of the detention center on Manus Island, in Papua
    New Guinea, where some of them have been held for years.

  • JWC

    Why would you want to Marry your goat just because you have been banging it for years No one buys the cow when the milk is free

  • MonochromeMouse

    It’s funny how smug the haters are being while they carry a sign that basically says “I’m A Huge Pervert! Look At Me!”

  • JAKvirginia

    Honey, if the goat can recite the marriage vows and sign it’s name I say have at it!

  • Ross

    You want to marry a goat?

    Well, ok.

    As long as the goat consents.

  • Tor

    Admission of desire for bestiality. Run, goat, run.

  • Renfield

    Maybe they can help form the AMGLA: Australian Man-Goat Love Association.

  • Natty Enquirer
  • The Professor

    Let them. Then demand video proof of consummation like the Bible demands.

  • Girlgoon

    If all the bigots married goats we’d all be better off as a society

  • Robert Adams

    Hey Sicko!

    You gotta have a lot of hate in your heart in order to stand in public and either lie about or admit to wanting to marry your goat.

    How many of you think virgin wool comes from sheep that can run faster than the shepard?

  • kareemachan

    Whatever blows their skirts up….

  • ByronK
  • PR

    I don’t want to see 2 fat straight people having sex nor do I want to make it illegal.

    • AdamTh

      Agreed…. However, sometimes I don’t mind watching Danny D and a woman doing it…..

  • Steve Smith

    Always these people use the word “freedom” in their party name, when they stand for exactly the opposite. Freedom for ugly brain-dead hateful little white men with personality disorders and nothing at all for anyone else.

    • Renfield

      KInd of like the National Socialist German Workers’ Party.

    • AdamTh

      Same for groups with “family” or “values” in their names…..

  • TampaZeke

    Why not?

    Your mother obviously did.

    • Ben in Oakland

      No evidence that their mothers married any goats, only that they had sex with them.

    • Gianni

      Ooooooh! Very good! 🙂 I wish these comments could be read right to their damned faces.

  • TexasBoy

    So the nut jobs in Australia dress up like religious Muslim men and claim to want to marry their goats? That is how they are protesting? Somehow I just don’t see the correlation between a costume wearing pro-goat marriage weirdo and two humans consenting to enter a legal. loving relationship.

  • unclemike

    If you really want to marry your child or your goat, set up a plebiscite and get the vote out, otherwise shut the fuck up you neanderthals.

  • HandsomeMrToad

    Baa, humbug!

  • HandsomeMrToad

    DO you know who loved goats? L. Frank Baum, author of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Two of his books feature heroic goats who save the day: Rinkitink in Oz (one of many sequels to TWWoOz and, the book which he personally considered his best work: a non-Oz fantasy called Sky Island.

    Here are a few highlights from Sky Island:

    But the angry inhabitant of this blue place would not permit them to look around them in peace, for as soon as Cap’n Bill rolled off his toes he began dancing around in an excited way and saying very disrespectful things of his visitors.

    “You brutes! you apes! you miserable white-skinned creatures! How dare you come into my garden and knock me on the head with that awful basket and then fall on my toes and cause me pain and suffering? How dare you, I say? Don’t you know you will be punished for your impudence? Don’t you know the Boolooroo of the Blues will have revenge? I can have you patched for this insult, and I will—just as sure as I’m the Royal Boolooroo of Sky Island!”

    “Oh, is this Sky Island, then?” asked Trot.

    “Of course it’s Sky Island. What else could it be? And I’m its Ruler—its King—its sole Royal Potentate and Dictator. Behold in the Personage you have injured the Mighty Quitey Righty Boolooroo of the Blues!” Here he strutted around in a very pompous manner and wagged his little head contemptuously at them.

    “Glad to meet you, sir,” said Cap’n Bill. “I allus had a likin’ for kings, bein’ as they’re summat unusual. Please ‘scuse me for a-sittin’ on your royal toes, not knowin’ as your toes were there.”

    “I won’t excuse you!” roared the Boolooroo. “But I’ll punish you. You may depend upon that.”

    “What is being patched?” asked the boy.

    “They cut two of us in halves and mismatch the halves—half of one to half of the other, you know—and then the other two halves are patched together. It destroys our individuality and makes us complex creatures, so it’s the worst punishment than can be inflicted in Sky Island.”

    “Oh,” said Button-Bright, alarmed at such dreadful butchery; “doesn’t it hurt?”

    “No; it doesn’t hurt,” replied Jimfred, “but it makes one frightfully nervous. They stand you under a big knife, which drops and slices you neatly in two—exactly in the middle. Then they match half of you to another person who has likewise been sliced—and there you are, patched to someone you don’t care about and haven’t much interest in. If your half wants to do something, the other half is likely to want to do something different, and the funny part of it is you don’t quite know which is your half and which is the other half. It’s a terrible punishment, and in a country where one can’t die or be killed until he has lived his six hundred years, to be patched is a great misfortune.”

    Suddenly there was a noise in the corridor and evidence of scuffling and struggling. Then the door flew open and in came the soldiers dragging a great blue billygoat, which was desperately striving to get free.

    “Villains!” howled the Boolooroo; “what does this mean?”

    “Why, you said to fetch the first living creature we met, and that was this billygoat,” replied the Captain, panting hard as he held fast to one of the goat’s horns.

    The Boolooroo stared a moment and then he fell back in his throne, laughing boisterously. The idea of patching Cap’n Bill to a goat was vastly amusing to him, and the more he thought of it the more he roared with laughter. Some of the soldiers laughed, too, being tickled with the absurd notion, and the Six Snubnosed Princesses all sat up straight and permitted themselves to smile contemptuously. This would indeed be a severe punishment; therefore the Princesses were pleased at the thought of Cap’n Bill’s becoming half a billygoat, and the billygoat’s being half Cap’n Bill.

    “They look something alike, you know,” suggested the Captain of the Guards, looking from one to the other doubtfully; “and they’re nearly the same size if you stand the goat on his hind legs. They’ve both got the same style of whiskers and they’re both of ’em obstinate and dangerous; so they ought to make a good patch.”

    “Splendid! Fine! Glorious!” cried the Boolooroo, wiping the tears of merriment from his eyes. “We will proceed with the Ceremony of Patching at once.”

    Cap’n Bill regarded the billygoat with distinct disfavor, and the billygoat glared evilly upon Cap’n Bill. Trot was horrified, and wrung her little hands in sore perplexity, for this was a most horrible fate that awaited her dear old friend.

    “First, bind the Earth Man in the frame,” commanded the Boolooroo. “We’ll slice him in two before we do the same to the billygoat.”

    The whole thing, with original illustrations, is here:

  • Jean-Marc in Canada
  • Wade Persnippy

    I want to marry Pat Robertson, I know I am a sick fuck. It’s just that I want to take him to one of those countries where it is okay to stone your wife for being stupid.

  • GanymedeRenard

    What is it with these morons that they always want to marry goats or sheep? Is it the milk thing – and, honey, I’m very good at milking HORSES, wink wink, but seriously?

    Why can’t they be more original in their love choices? Why won’t they want to marry, I don’t know, a tilapia? An ostrich? A platypus? Or a kangaroo, or a koala, or a dingo, or a Tasmanian devil since we’re talking about Australia?

  • Dunkerblinker

    I think the goat could do better.

    • Gianni

      I took a second look at the pic. OK, I agree.

  • Richard B

    We should call them out on their absurdity.
    Let them marry their goat or their children if that is what it takes to get their approval..
    All we are asking for is to marry the person we love, we share our life with, and do the naughty with.

  • Gianni

    The guy who wants to marry his goat probably should. He’s likely already fucking it. (or vice versa)

  • JCF
  • fuzzybits

    Party for freedom? Hahahahahahahaha!!!!

  • SDG

    It’s because he is fucking his goat.

  • Anyone can call themselves a political party, hold rallies, have a website, hand out flyers etc — but in Oz they have to be registered with the Australian Electoral Commission to be legitimate and put up candidates in elections. Registration is not that difficult, though the would-be Party has to start by proving to the AEC that it has a minimum of 100 members in good standing who are not members of any other Party. (Merely claiming as these guys do, that their “Party” has “lots more than 100 members” cuts no ice — they have to prove it, with names and addresses; and no, the AEC doesn’t give them grants towards their expenses.) And until they are registered, they cannot propose candidates for election to any seat in any Australian legislative body, whether Parliament (State or Commonwealth) or Local Government. Oh, sure, Pat Robertson thinks they’re the ant’s pants, but the overwhelming majority of Australians have never heard of him.

    As for this woman Crestani, she is a junior Councillor in an outer-suburban Melbourne Council (the grandiosely-named “City of Casey”) and her views are so extreme that its Mayor and Council have publicly distanced themselves from her.
    More about her here:

  • Martin O’Donnell

    Hang on a sec. Men walking through the streets yelling “I want to marry my child” there is something seriously wrong with these guys and they need to be removed from the family for everyone’s protection. I hope the authorities are actively doing something about them.

  • Peter Hiv

    Thanks for that video. Amazing that you get news over there I don’t bump into here in Australia 🙂

    I blogged about the whole thing here

    As you say the Party For Freedom is a far right political group. You may be interested also that Catch The Fire church (of which the pastor was in the video also) is a political group as well. It lost it’s charity status earlier this year after it was deemed as such by the authorities.