Pastor Who “Laid Hands” On Trump: The CIA Trains ISIS At 49 US Bases And Ships Them Around The World

“The dogs want war. Our American men and women are being used as cannon fodder for the globalist agenda. We’re not in Afghanistan because we’re killing terrorists. The ISIS bases are in 49 states in America that the CIA brings them and trains them here and then ships them out to the areas of the world where they want there to be conflict. They are all trained here. Osama bin Laden worked for the CIA, so does Anderson Cooper. Work that one out.” – Pastor Rodney Howard-Browne, who was among the scamvangelicals to “lay hands” upon Trump in the Oval Office.

PREVIOUSLY ON JMG: Last month Howard-Browne declared that Hollywood is filled with Satanic cannibals who drink the blood of children.

  • clay

    Let me guess; every state, but not HIS!

    • Todd20036

      You mean Blissful Ignorance, or Intoxication?

      • David Walker

        All high on the holy spirits.

    • ben-andy

      I too detected a note of bitterness in that remark. I guess the Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, Guam, the Northern Marianas and American Samoa all didn’t get a base either. Pity.

  • Todd20036

    And since Trump will listen to this schmuck, it’s just another reason why Trump won’t trust his own intelligence agencies.

  • Pollos Hermanos
    • northern_neighbour

      Yeah crazy all right … just like a fox in the henhouse …

  • another_steve

    My mother’s rabbi thought I was destined for greatness. He thought that maybe I was the Jewish messiah. The Chosen One.

    And then I discovered cock.

    • David Walker

      Everyone has his own calling. Cock can be pretty great.

      • another_steve

        Yes, but the pastor who’s the subject of this post probably has an elaborate mansion with golden bathroom faucets. I have a meager federal pension. That’s all.

        I could have done better.

    • Judas Peckerwood

      Have you read Michael Chabon’s excellent The Yiddish Policemen’s Union?

      • another_steve

        No. A friend once recommended it to me, though – knowing I’m into science fiction.

        If I recall, plans to make a film version of it fell through.

        • Judas Peckerwood

          Highly recommended (along with everything else that Chabon has written).

  • Nic Peterson

    Sweet Friday, hurry up!

  • RoFaWh

    Sounds like a preliminary Bannon-esque attack on the “deep state.”

    Putin loves chaos!

  • tonyg

    I’m convinced. Now where can I buy some of his low-T supplements or Apocalypse food buckets?

  • Boreal
  • Judas Peckerwood

    Sounds legit.

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    Well of course! That explains it all.

    • David Walker

      I knew there had to be an answer. Thank you Jeebus for this humble, loyal speaker of truth and bullshit.

  • Bambino
  • Rex

    I think he’s been laying his hands on some serious drugs.

    • boatboy_srq

      My money is on all the lead paint he licked as a kid.

  • tonyg

    What the fuck is up with his accent? Been taking elocution lessons from Sebastian Gorka?

  • Lazycrockett
    • RaygunsGoZap

      LOL. Is that real or from a show?

      • Lazycrockett

        I dont know for sure, but looking at the cheap as chairs and paneling I would say real.

        • HandyAndy

          It’s real. That’s the line the suspect in orange gave to the undercover cop while simultaneously trying to pick her up and sell her pot.

    • RaygunsGoZap

      Here’s a real court transcript dramatically read and animated by Rick & Morty!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTWdP5DMdsM

      • Todd20036

        Good lord! Hilarious!

      • Lizard

        Wait, I don’t watch this show so I’m confused. Rick Allen as in Georgia State Rep Rick Allen?

        Edit: Oh, different Allen. My bad.

  • Rex

    The CIA is training ISIS – send money.

  • Adam Stevens

    Why would a man allow himself to become this?

    • shellback

      $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

      • Jeffg166

        & lots of it.

  • justme

    There are many countries in the world where fake christians have feared to go.. I see a volunteer that needs to be shipped out…

  • Rex

    The Scamvangelists have learned they can say any damned thing and the scamvangelicals will eat it right up.

  • Tawreos

    I wish for once idiots like this could be made to provide evidence for just one of their fucking claims. Just fucking once!

    • Todd20036

      It’s the same reason why religion exists. You don’t need evidence. It just has to “feel right”.

    • crewman

      And I would love to see meaningful accountability. They damage our country with their lies and conspiracy theories, and there is never any accountability.

      • Nowhereman

        Tax them like the businesses that they are and make them accountable.

    • Nic Peterson

      I’ve been waiting for someone to cough up those golden plates I heard about at the Book of Mormon play. Hasadiga Ibawai!

      • Uncle Mark

        They’ll be on sale at QVC just in time for the holidays…and they’re called “collector plates,” by the way, so they’ll improve in value

      • Nowhereman

        Oh I think that Moroni (what an appropriate name) took them back to Kolob.

        • Nic Peterson

          That’s convenient.

    • Uncle Mark

      WHO NEEDS EVIDENCE HERE ?!! All anyone needs as a modicum of common sense. So if we’re training them here by the thousands, why are we shipping them out to Iraq & Syria to be bombed by us? So we can have a lone wolf pop up with a gun, a truck, or a sword to kill a handful of people here once a year to generate fear, doesn’t seem to be very cost effective. How is the “globalist” EU profiting from having ISIS terrorists attacking their member countries? How is a “globalist” US, when the result is fomenting fear and isolationism?

      Now training Christianista terrorists in this country, makes a whole lot more sense to me. It might even explain why churches are tax exempt, if you wanna play this crazy game of “pullin’-it-outta-my-ass”

      • Todd20036

        It kind of hurts your brain if you analyze it too much

        • Uncle Mark

          It really does. Do they pass out copious amounts of sacramental wine before they spout this BS?

        • Uncle Mark

          I’m just disappointed that no one has been accusing that “killer ninja,” Hillary of running those ISIS training camps, herself…and somehow indoctrinating them all with her “lesbian, feminista, social justice warrior agenda.” ISIS promotes that right?

          • FAEN

            Give it time.

      • boatboy_srq

        Training them here by the thousands and shipping them there afterward would explain why it’s been so hard to get a seat on an airplane recently.

        /s

        Sounds like somebody found an article on the School of the Americas, disbelieved it was a Conservatist operation, and got their worldview bent as a result.

        • Nowhereman

          Well if you believe in the BIG LIE, you’ll believe just about anything.

      • Nowhereman

        Hear hear! And I’d like to know where the radical christians are training the gunnuts who are slaughtering us here at home with the help of the NRA and their puppets in Congress.

    • Adam Schmidt

      These are people who equate “believable” with “true”. Their entire job is to tell you that you have to have faith and convince you that it’s believable and thus it’s true. So why wouldn’t the same approach work with conspiracy theories about people they don’t like?

    • They don’t have to. The CIA is not going to sue for libel or slander. They can’t really as so much of what they do is classified. So they just lie and get away with it. Sadly, there are people dumb enough to believe this shit and they are highly likely to vote.

    • FAEN

      My ex brother in law and his posse of red neck douche bags will believe this shit.

  • greenmanTN

    Who moved HIS cheese?!

  • As far as I’m concerned, Howard-Browne (like Alex Jones or our idiot POTUS) can spew whatever nonsense he wants. What I worry about is all the brainless twits lacking any capacity for critical thinking who take what he says seriously.

  • Stubenville
    • Ben in Oakland

      But your cat looks so sane!

      • kareemachan

        The cat looks resigned but irritated.

        • Lizard

          Wouldn’t you be?

          • FAEN

            I’d just claw.

    • Nowhereman

      It’s really good of you to protect your cat, too. Cats see and hear things that we can’t.

  • Silver Badger

    I have confirmation of this. It has apparently been going on since ’95. Fortunately, we will all be killed Saturday by the Antifa revolution anyway so it makes very little difference. The EMP is going to wipe out all of our computers, cars and power grids first though.

    • PickyPecker

      I’d better get going on the laundry then.

      • Silver Badger

        Yep. I have a gentleman friend who keeps me informed of such things.

      • Tulle Christensen

        Yes and put on clean underwear as soon as you wake up Saturday

    • Tawreos

      Well that’s a relief, those Antifa folks are so nice, remind me to send them a note.

    • ChrisMorley

      Why the far right believes a US civil war will start on Saturday

      – Since late September, ‘alt-right’ members have advanced the idea that anti-fascist groups will begin a violent insurrection on 4 November.
      But no antifa groups are planning to protest – so what gives?

      https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/nov/01/far-right-conspiracy-theory-us-civil-war

      • Tulle Christensen

        It’s super secret protest, no one has been told about it so no one finds out. we are a bit concerned about turnout though

      • DesertSun59

        It’s actually just Russian bots. There is no ‘alt-right’ in the US. It’s a scattering of individuals who come together when the Russians need to stir the pot again.

    • Tulle Christensen

      Put your electronics in the Faraday cage Soros sent you, so we can still send messages to each other on Saturday

      • DesertSun59

        You just gave away the secret to how we’re going to survive the coming destruction!

    • The_Wretched

      Antifa isn’t big enough to take over a city militarily and wouldn’t want to regardless. Their paranoia/ projection is showing.

      • Tulle Christensen

        Whoosh!

        • The_Wretched

          Don’t be too sure about that.

          • Tulle Christensen

            I think the “Fortunately, we will all be killed Saturday” is a dead giveaway

          • The_Wretched

            ich weiss.

          • Tulle Christensen

            ich kennen Sie nicht

          • The_Wretched

            Du reuchst so wie kartolfel salat.

    • FAEN

      That can’t happen-Inhave Tom Of Finland running tights to order!

  • Ben in Oakland

    well, some one who gets his Secrets of the Entire Universe from a 2000 year old book probably has better sources of information than the New york Times.

  • Rex

    Further proof that you have to be nuts to touch Trump.

  • Dirk Prophet

    I am so sick of people using ‘globalist’ as a pejorative.

    Merriam Webster:
    Definition of globalism

    :a national policy of treating the whole world as a proper sphere for political influence —

    • FAEN

      There you go with your facts. They don’t need no stinkin facts!

      😉

    • Nowhereman

      What they mean by “globalist” is jewish.

      • Dirk Prophet

        All too often.

  • Paula

    C’mon, CIA, can’t you do anything about these crazies? What do we pay you guys for?

  • shellback

    Laid hands on Dump. I thought he was wiping KFC grease off his fingers.

  • Tomcat

    Is there anything in that there Dribble Bibble about scamvangelist turning stark raven mad near the end times? We may be close now.

    • kareemachan

      Well, the rest of us can take comfort in the thought of them leaving, ie rapturing.

  • Gustav2

    Remember folks, we are the crazy ones!

  • Tomcat

    Laid hands on trump could explain his mental disease.

  • Slippy_World
    • RaygunsGoZap

      I did upvote that for the humor but I think a little trigger warning might have been nice! Traumatic flashbacks!

    • Stubenville

      That would explain the constant money begs, too

  • greenmanTN
  • northern_neighbour

    Certifiable Asshole RW Nutjob Wolf in Shepherd’s garb, asks sheeple to dig deep as the collection plate makes the rounds, … Dammit! He has to wait until Monday morning to chortle all the way to the bank.

    This man should be doing time in a Psychiatric Facility for the Criminally Immoral .. abusers of feeble minded fellow Americans.

  • zherazhera

    And here I thought that Rick Perry would get today’s award for Stupidest Thing. Damn, what’s next?

  • Tread

    What the. Anderson Cooper? I guess it explains his big arms.

  • Lizard

    Um…he knows that his boy Drumpf is in office now, right? That he can’t rail away at the government anymore without implicating him? Are the nutcases having trouble remembering that Obama isn’t president anymore?

    • marshlc

      Even they know, deep down, that Hillary really won.

  • Cuberly Deux

    So he’s busting the lid off this terrible deep state conspiracy. Um, shouldn’t he be on the run, scared for his life?

    Cults are fascinating things. Saying the most outlandish things yet somehow the pews are still filling up Sunday after Sunday, the collection bowls are full. Yet they’re supposed to be victims scared for their very lives that could be snuffed out by the evil government at any moment.

    Does not compute.

    • Lizard

      Confirmation bias is a powerful thing.

      His parishioners probably think the gubbmint won’t come after him because the National Guard is afraid of the three guns he owns, or some shit like that.

      • Cuberly Deux

        I don’t think they think it through that far. If they attached a reason or any other opinion chances are it’d be to bolster their illogical fear.

        Yep, confirmation bias.

      • zherazhera

        God protects him! Because white Jeeziz and the whole spiritus.

        • lattebud

          But he came after Anderson…. the gay mafia is gonna snuff him out. He will found in a ditch after subcoming to bitch slaps and cosmo poisoning.

        • The_Wretched

          Spiritus sancti and the spiritus chiabli

    • boatboy_srq

      He is insufficiently insane to believe that the CIA can operate inside the US against residents. That makes him more frightening, though, not less.

      What he thinks of DEA, ATF, FBI, and the other federal and state law enforcement bodies is not clear.

  • The_Wretched

    While I guess loons will be loons, they really ought not get tax exemptions for their idiocy. All non-profits or service orgs should have the same tax structure.

    He’s right about the military-industrial complex; however, it’s not the ‘globalists’ who want war. Globalists want world peace since it makes trade easier. It’s the right who wants war. It’s trump who wants to drop bombs and use nukes.

  • MDixon34

    Is he also trying to sell some kind of supplements?

  • Karl Dubhe

    Nice work, if you can get it.

    I suppose…

  • Mikey

    In another day and age these people would have been locked up as a danger to themselves and to society at large.

    Now they are rewarded with cabinet positions and lucrative deals.

    • boatboy_srq

      In another day and age they would have either lived in hiding from the Inquisition or signed up as Inquisitors themselves.

  • Tulle Christensen

    Trump should really tell the CIA to stop doing this cause you know he can do that

  • Bluto
    • Tawreos

      I am stealing the hell out of this one =)

    • Tomcat

      it sure can be full of shit, that is obvious.

  • boatboy_srq

    So THAT’S what happened to all those FEMA camps.

    /s

  • Leo
  • bkmn

    Dear IRS….check this guy’s finances out.

  • kareemachan

    So when are we gonna hear about him molesting children?

    • Lizard

      *checks watch* Eh, give him a month.

    • Karl Dubhe

      I suspect puppies, myself. (eek!)

      • Canadian Observer

        That is only because you overlooked the probability that his desires were not directed towards mammals.

        • Karl Dubhe

          Ha! Found something Rule 34 doesn’t apply to.

          Human/slug sex.

  • Gregory B

    Batshit crazy bastard…

  • kareemachan

    https://www.revival.com/prayer

    I filled out a prayer request that he gets the healing he needs to put himself in a better relationship with God.

  • AlternativeQuacks

    Why don’t they ever do that snake-handling thing anymore? That would be a good thing to bring back.

    • Galvestonian

      …they still do in Matoaka & Jolo, West Virginia at the Church of God with Signs Following and in Middlesboro, Kentucky at the Full Gospel Tabernacle in Jesus Name Church

  • Gene Perry
    • OdieDenCO

      not to worry george we still think your an idiot. It’s why we call you bush the lesser [idiot]

  • AlternativeQuacks
  • Coprolite

    I would like to know which state does not have a secret CIA training base? is that a secret also?

  • coram nobis

    49 states? Which one got left out of the pork barrel?

    • djcoastermark

      The state he lives in, they prayed them away silly.

      • coram nobis

        The State of Hysteria?

    • Tomcat

      The State of Reality of course.

  • fuzzybits
  • alc2018
  • Jean-Marc in Canada
  • Uncle Mark

    The Rev LAID HANDS on the Fucking Moron?!! Who knew that one could spread syphillitic dementia this way…and so quickly. The big money question is…who had it first?

    • Uncle Mark

      It was a trick question. They BOTH had it. The problem is that they passed it onto each other and the different strains merged to create “super crazy.” It has to be the only reasonable explanation…as well as why all those others, who have “laid hands” on the shitgibbon are crazier than ever.

      Or it could just be the incoming indictments of the Orange Scourge means that they see their collective gravy train is chugging towards a cliff making them crazy

  • Skeptical_Inquirer

    Fundajelicals versus the CIA. I would like to see that fight.

    • William

      The CIA has the ‘Brown Note Gun’. They should use it on the congregation.

  • Canadian Observer

    If you look real close I am pretty sure you can see where the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck depriving his brain of oxygen during the birthing process.

  • Slim Compersion

    In 49 states, huh.

    Time to move to Rhode Island, I suppose.

  • William
  • Hank
  • alguien

    does the CIA ever feel vengeful?

  • JCF
  • Mark Austin

    Sadly, the decline in availability of mental health services is in full demonstration with this person – and with his “followers”.

  • Galvestonian

    Where do they get this insane shit ??? You shouldn’t be allowed to put this crap vocally in any context – yeah, I know – Constitutional privileges – but still – where do they get this crazy stuff ?

    • Jeff Ryan

      Not constitutional “privileges.” Constitutional rights.

    • Stubenville

      They just make stuff up.

  • Kettle_Meatpot

    Looney Tunes

  • Oscarlating Wildely

    Sorry but “laid hands” sounds about two steps away from molestation to me. Mind and then body.

  • Xuuths

    Wow, the Stupid is strong with this one. Mega intense, even.

  • Michael R
  • Richard B

    So we now have proof this scamvangelist is not credible and is f*cking crazy. The bad news is he and his ilk counsels Donald J. Trump with their ideas…

  • teedofftaxpayer

    And they want to make it that the religious dimwits can interfere in America politics and not lose their tax exemptions. Just what we need is more lies and false information out there.

  • Kevin Andrews
  • Jimmy R

    Best buds Osama and Andy, together again! Are Kardashians involved? I think there’s a pizza parlor in the basement where Hillary sells children, though whether as sex slaves or supper, I’m not sure.

  • pch1013

    TTW a scamvangelical channels Cindy Sheehan. The Horseshoe Effect is a real thing.

  • DesertSun59

    Let’s see if Breitbart picks this one up.

  • JaniceInToronto

    He’s a proud member of Lunatics for Jesus®

    • Gianni

      Is he fishing for a job on Trump’s staff?

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    How does someone become that crazy?

  • orion dumptee

    YES! he is truly endowed with gawds spirit (in the ‘other’ endowment dept. he has -Nothing- to brag about).. He is correct….Cia/anderson cooper have “mind controlled” my 1948 Sunbeam Mixmaster (with the ‘rare’ green ‘ bowl)..so it only makes popovers for COMMIES! (sigh). WHAT a nutcase….Reality check anyone ???

  • orion dumptee
  • Gianni

    It would be a real treat to hear from someone who listens to this shit and really believes and accepts it. Their reasoning would be a truly fascinating view into the totally gullible, religiously warped, degenerated mind. Then we could ridicule the hell out of them. I’m feeling somewhat meanish today.

  • andrew

    He sounds like one of the many crazed medieval Christians who claimed that Jews slaughtered and drank the blood of Christian babies. We are indeed in a Cultural War, in the USA, with these extremists Christians and they MUST be soundly defeated, if we are to preserve our fundamental freedoms. The civilized world is in a war with a resurgence of fundamentalist Islam and fundamentalist Christianity. Both these isms want a 13th century world. They must be defeated.

  • jonfromcalifornia

    That people actually believe these kinds of Evangelical nonsense is frightening.

  • Gianni

    I learned a very long time ago that accepting Jesus as your personal savior and having a deep faith and belief in God absolutely does nothing for the intelligence level or common sense of that person. They do not get smarter, or kinder, or more understanding, or accepting of others. If fact, they learn early on that whoever or whatever they don’t like or hate, those are exactly the same people/things that God hates.Funny how that works out.

  • Nowhereman

    Oh for pity fucker’s sake! And the flock believes this shit.