Roy Moore: Send Me Money Because Joe Biden Hates Me And Also (Probably) Something Something Hitler

Email blast from Roy Moore’s campaign:

They call us “rubes” because of our family values. They refer to us as “hayseeds” because of our faith. They say we’re “offensive because we love America and refuse to turn our backs on our country and our flag. At a rally in Alabama, Joe Biden officially declared war on me and my campaign — pledging to do whatever it takes to keep me out of Washington.

Friend, the national Obama-Clinton Machine is “all in” against me in Alabama. That means over the next 65 days before the December 12 Special Election, they’re gunnin for me with literally everything they’ve got. Unfortunately, after our hard-fought run-off against Mitch McConnell my campaign coffers are running low.

In the predawn hours of September 17, 1938, at theWithout an nimmediate influx of funds, I won’t be able to fight back against the Obama-Clinton Machine. So can I count on you to chip in an emergency donation of $1,000, $750, $500, $250, $150, $75, $50, $35 or $25 IMMEDIATELY to help me fight back against the vicious attacks and smears?

I looked up that garbled portion that I bolded and only found one notable item that happened on that date: “Neville Chamberlain reported to the Cabinet on his meeting with Hitler, informing its members of his belief that a settlement of the Sudeten matter would satisfy Hitler’s aims.”

  • PickyPecker
  • bambinoitaliano

    Meanwhile the clock is counting down on Caleb’s 10th arrest.

    • bkmn

      and his 11th and his 12th….

      • Todd20036

        Newsflash. If Junior ever dies, either from a drug overdose, a prison incident, a drug deal gone bad, or even a suicide, you can bet real money that “daddy” will use his son’s death to further his own political career.

        He would not actually give a shit about him otherwise.

        • Jon

          He’ll certainly be collecting on that insurance policy he took out on him.

    • TrueWords
      • Tawreos

        He sounds neat

      • DreadPikathulhu

        Just a good ‘ol boy.

      • Raising_Rlyeh

        Sounds like the kind of dl douche who’d pop some E and asked to be gang-banged.

      • Todd20036

        Im guessing not too many of Caleb’s friends are actually black.

      • Professor Barnhardt
        • thatotherjean

          So there is something he’s good at!

          • prixator

            Just like Dad!

    • Frostbite

      It’s ok. Daddy will get him out of those too.

  • JWC

    sometimes there is just no point in trying to expose the “dumb shit ‘ in people

    • thatotherjean

      Fortunately, they frequently expose it all by themselves.

  • bkmn

    Did Eugene DelFraudio ghost write this?

    • JoeMyGod

      My very first thought.

    • Jean-Marc in Canada
      • bkmn

        nevah

      • Natty Enquirer

        If The Joker married Endora …

    • April

      Is that the On a dark and stormy night in a warehouse were sweaty, bare-chested men driving forklifts thing?

      • bkmn

        only if they wore ponytails

      • PickyPecker

        Don’t leave out the long hair on those men, k?

        • April

          Damn hippies!!

        • agcons

          And the earrings.

        • ColdCountry

          Earrings, too, weren’t there? Or were they nipple rings?

    • greenmanTN

      5/10. It needs more sweaty long haired men with earrings.

  • Todd20036

    You know, everyone on our side knows he’s just that unhinged.
    Everyone on their side knows he’s a Christian Taliban enforcer who is white, straight, male, a Nazi, and against education.
    He’s a shoo-in for Senator in that crappy state.

  • safari

    This will be the first time I have ever used the word hayseed.

    • PickyPecker

      I prefer ‘tumbleweed’

      • bkmn

        or hick or moran

        • The_Wretched

          christianist

          i can’t think of a time when I’ve used Hayseed.

          • April

            Hick, hayseed, moran and Christianist are pretty much interchangeable.

          • bkmn

            There you go using a five syllable word “interchangeable” – you know that just confuses them.

          • April

            Damn city slickers with their fancy, complex words!!

      • Snarkaholic

        I prefer “dick cheese on a (stale, moldy) cracker.”

  • JoeMyGod

    they’re gunnin for me with literally everything they’ve got

    That part also made me laugh.

    • bambinoitaliano

      Is that why he was brandishing that little gun he claimed to be his wife’s.

      • Darrel Cj

        That CUTE little gun! Loved Colbert’s response: “Does that gun come with the costume, Roy?”

        • Uncle Mark

          The lipstick is in the barrel

          • agcons

            Oh, that Avon company. So clever with their product containers.

      • April

        Pew! Pew! Pew!

    • Uncle Mark

      Perhaps he would feel better if we had “gunnin” bans in place

    • Paula

      No, they aren’t. If they were, you would already be missing or in a mysterious accident. So shut the fuck up.

    • iambu

      That’s how cowboys talk, duh!

  • another_steve

    Lol. Joe boyfriend, re that “garbled” section – it’ll sound like William Shakespeare to Moore’s illiterate constituency.

    • Tor

      You mean incomprehensible? As Shakespeare would be to them?

      • April

        Shakespeare? We don’t cotton to that fancy sissy writing from foreigners around these parts…

  • Gustav2

    “they’re gunnin for me with literally everything they’ve got.”

    How folksy!

    • April

      Like Deliverance.

  • JoeMyGod

    Gotta say I’m curious how he intended to tie Joe Biden to Hitler….

  • Ray Page

    I’ll bet Jim-Bob’s broodmare and three of their daughters – pick any with a name that starts with “J” – that Alabama elects this miserable sack of shit.

    He hit all the talking points… God, guns, flag and country. The only way he’d get more votes is if his campaign slogan was, “Alabama, Where Incest is Best.”

  • Jean-Marc in Canada
  • bkmn

    what’s a machione ?

  • Natty Enquirer

    Poet Bruno Jasieński was executed on that date.

    – Nickelodeon –
    A freckled maid in a white polka-dot shirt.
    Someone slender, with a vengeance.
    – Will you come?… – “I can’t…”
    Hop!
    Cars. Platforms. Cabs.
    A rolling filmstrip
    Grumbling across the stretch of dried asphalt.
    – Wait… – “No, no, don’t ask, I could give in…”

    Ding! Ding!!
    A red tram pulls out of the alley.
    One. Two.
    They pass each other at a distance.
    The ominous song of polished rails…
    A small man in a drab coat…
    Crrrrrash!!!
    Stopppp!!
    Brakes!
    Ahhhhhhhhh!!
    They ran him over! They ran him over!!

  • Rocco Gibraltar

    I’m sorry but only rubes and hayseeds would say “gunnin”. I rest my case, but it will play in Peoria, AL.

  • Tawreos

    If they give to his campaign how are they going to give to his foundation so he can skim the funds off of that as well?

  • JoeMyGod

    “hard-fought runoff against Mitch McConnell”

    Um……

    • ColdCountry

      That did have me scratching my head.

  • Rex

    A modicum of intelligence is obviously not a requirement to run for any office.

  • JoeMyGod

    “that’s why they’tr gunning for me”

    gunnin and gunning

    they’tr

    • PickyPecker

      Proofreading is for librul cucktards.

      • Adam King

        Also jes’ plain ol’ readin’.

    • Gustav2

      Spellor Chex must be broke on theer gooble macheen.

  • Adam King

    Nobody calls them rubes and hayseeds. Nazis, KKKers, racists, bigots, nutjobs, wingnuts, Christianists, assholes, dumbfucks, yes, but not rubes and hayseeds.

  • Tawreos

    He must be in dire straits if they are so poor they can’t even afford a proofreader.

    • JWC

      its not that he can’t afford a proof reader All them alabama proof reader are equally edumacated

  • Tawreos

    It’s too bad his son just got arrested, I bet he could fund a nice campaign with the profit from the drug sales.

  • April

    If you spell the word gunning “gunnin” you are a rube and a hayseed. And a moron.

  • Rex

    He’s still fighting Obama and Clinton. That must be a hayseed thing.

    • PickyPecker
      • DoctorDJ

        “What the hell, Hoss. The wimin-folk ain’a packin’.”

      • Rex

        Gay boy, back row, third from the left.

        • Ernest Endevor

          Good catch.

      • Tawreos

        What did the guy on the left do that 4 people have to keep him covered while they take the picture?

        • Ernest Endevor

          Voted Democrat.

        • Pip

          ahahaha I had the same exact thought and was about to ask when I noticed your post.

    • April

      And a Trump thing…

  • Sam_Handwich

    Machione? nimmediate?

    is this for real?

    • Rex

      real stoopid

    • Gustav2

      He has reel prophessionals werkin fer hymn.

    • The_Wretched

      Too much perfection is arrogant and besides, learning like that is for libruls.

    • Stogiebear

      Alabama is on the cutting edge of spelling reform, dontcha no….

  • Uncle Mark

    Where’s the button to donate money to Caleb’s latest bail bond?

  • Tawreos

    In the predawn hours of September 17, 1938, at the Kommunarka firing range near Moscow, a slight, bookish-looking man was marched out of his cell.

    His name was Nicolai — and he was an economist. And as he faced the firing squad, he was informed that his death had been personally ordered by the Soviet Union’s supreme leader, Josef Stalin.

    http://www.moneyandmarkets.com/reports/RWR/stockmarket-tsunami-ext/sq3/

    • Tawreos

      It is one of those bullshit things that claim to have predicted everything ever and if you buy the book now you will be able to predict things as well. I guess they tried the bullshit way first and then just decided to beg

    • Steve Smith

      This was due to happen last year. And the year before that, and the year before that. Like an evangelist predicting the rapture, really.

    • ColdCountry

      WTF does that have to do with Roy Moore? What is he hinting at?

      • Tawreos

        It means the people putting together his moneybeg letter are terrible at cutting and pasting as well as proofreading.

  • Talisman

    We call you rubes because you’re willfully ignorant.

    We call you hayseeds because you tend to be clannish, refuse to see a world beyond your property lines, city limits, or county lines, and believe that everyone thinks exactly like you.

    We call you offensive because, well, you are offensive. You routinely demean people because they are not white enough or straight enough or gender-conforming enough. You embody hate and demand that the world must conform to your desires and beliefs. And you want enshrine your petty, selfish desires and beliefs in law.

    So, yeah, fuck you.

    • CarolRFennell

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    • Tricia

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  • April

    They left out “homosexual agenda” in their money beg.

    They must be slipping.

    • Tawreos

      I think they are going to wait and pull that out if this first one doesn’t come in big for him.

      • April

        That and the Men sharing a restroom with your daughters lie.

  • Ken M

    For some reason when I first read through this I thought Bill Clinton. I’m going to put it on the amusement of the typos. 😉

  • TrueWords
  • worstcultever

    Why not just have that Mercer lady slip him the money. I’ve heard that when $1m falls out of her purse onto the sidewalk, she doesn’t even bother picking it up.

  • Ken M

    Well, if the SPLC wasn’t in Montgomery, AL, I doubt many of his followers would even know what it was.

  • TrueWords
  • Johnny Wyeknot

    I wonder what Roy smells like.

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    I love the evidence of the blatant plagiarism. If you don’t want to get caught copying at least make sure you paste the quote fully and not in the middle of another sentence.

    • M Jackson

      Proofreading is for losers.

      • Johnny Wyeknot

        Not to be mistaken for poofreading

      • Raising_Rlyeh

        It also loses you court cases: Dover v. Kitzmiller

  • safari
    • Johnny Wyeknot

      Where did his neck go?

      • Talisman

        N*****head?

        • Johnny Wyeknot

          Good one!

      • bambinoitaliano

        The air con was in full blast. His neck and his balls have a meeting of their own.

        • bkmn

          No, his balls are the bought and paid for property of the Koch brothers and have been in a vise in their dungeon for years

    • ColdCountry

      That just made me laugh. Honestly, what else can we do?

  • Cuberly Deux

    Was son Caleb mething out while writing that for daddy moral-war-bucks?

    • bambinoitaliano

      Someone’s gotta spent daddy’s hard grift money.

  • another_steve

    Tonight at Mr. and Mrs. Alabama Deplorables’ dinner table:

    “Harry, what happened on September 17, 1938?”

    “I dunno, I think the U.S. Constitution was signed. Henrietta, didn’t I tell ya a million times I don’t like gravy all over the chop like this?”

  • Henry Auvil

    In Roy Moore’s mind, it’s always 1938.

  • Mike C

    I would never call them rubes and hayseeds when “fascists and theocrats” will do just fine.

  • FlKeysKevin

    I use much harsher words than “rubes,” “hayseeds” and “offensive.”

    • Henry Auvil

      “Hayseed” is the new “fucktard”.

  • DesertSun59

    Actually, they’re rubes because they continue to foist their unwavering addiction to tribal Bronze Age mythology into the public sphere and pretend it’s the basis of our laws.

  • MikeBx2

    Nobody loves offensive, hayseed rubes more than Donald Trump, but even he was against Roy Moore. That’s gotta hurt.

    • bkmn

      He was against him, until he wasn’t….pretty much describes his views on everything.

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    What a hemorrhoid

  • zhera

    Neither Obama, Biden or any of the Clinton’s are running things in the Democrat camp now. But hey, let’s not pay attention to facts!

    That letter reads like one of Eugene’s stormy nights.

    • NowAnAgnostic

      Democratic camp, please. Democrat camp is a repugnican term.

  • edrex

    the clinton/obama machine? i assume the people of alabama are unaware that they aren’t running for any office these days. someone should tell them.

  • anne marie in philly

    nope, he doesn’t need the $$$; he gets $180K a year for his part-time job. FUCK YOU!

    • bkmn

      from the fraudulent tax-exempt organization that “forgot” to disclose the years of payments to its executive officer.

  • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

    Rubes and hayseeds will vote for a criminal who failed to mention tens of thousands of dollars donated by Christian organizations.

    In other words, gullible dumbasses.

    • JWC

      Blessed are the ignorant for they to shall something somethging and something

      • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

        “inherit what’s left?”

  • Macbill

    I’m sending any spare thoughts and prayers your way. Shit, I’ve none to spare

  • bambinoitaliano

    O/T What is that fucking moron up to? Printing fake money?
    https://twitter.com/W7VOA/status/918920795715440641

    • PickyPecker

      huh. I would have thought there would have been a shredding machine parade.

      • bambinoitaliano

        Transformers shredders in disguise!

        • zhera

          Dammit, you beat me with 2 seconds!

      • zhera

        Shredding machines in disguise?

      • bkmn

        My guess is that those machines will connect wirelessly to the Russian embassy.

    • bkmn

      It’s nice they let Sarah go outside and trot off her anxieties.

      • ByronK

        “Wide load, comin’ through!”

        • bkmn

          She needs a truck before and after her with flashing lights

          • jmax

            I wonder if she makes a beeping sound when she backs up.

          • bkmn

            Ahhhhh….that wasn’t a beep, more like lots of farts

    • bkmn

      Interesting enough I just saw this on twitter…

      Public access to Pennsylvania Avenue has often been restricted in recent weeks without explanation from @SecretService or @NatlParkService. pic.twitter.com/odxmN4tLPY— Alex Howard (@digiphile) October 13, 2017

      • The_Wretched

        they didn’t want people outside to hear Trump throwing a fit?

    • The_Wretched

      Maybe they think the copiers were hacked to email out anything that was copied? (it a thing). OR Mueller could have pulled the existing ones for their caches.

    • April

      To print up all the Presidential Pardons?

    • Lazycrockett

      They found the leakers!!!

      • bambinoitaliano

        Interesting suggestion that it was Mueller who send these machines in. LOL!!!

      • Talisman

        They found the Russian hookers?

  • Leo
  • Tomcat

    I am surprised Donald has not made a donation to Moore from the government of the United States of Corporation.

    • Tawreos

      He is still mad that McConnell and others convinced him to back Strange, and he lost.

  • The_Wretched

    Irrelevant: Do you think Trump will try to rename the country to “Trumpmerica”?

    • Tawreos

      Like that would ever happen. The name would just be Trump

      • The_Wretched

        Someone needs to get Hannity to recite the idea.

    • bkmn

      Trumpleton

    • PickyPecker

      Trumplandia

      • bambinoitaliano

        Trumpambia

    • ByronK

      Trumpsilvania.

  • Paula

    Roy, you will probably win the runoff. That doesn’t mean that you will have much of a say in Washington.they already hate you. You will be the most junior senator and they will probably ignore/blacklist you and everything you try to say.

  • Tomcat

    I am watching a movie now called 2012 about the end of the world and how the elite have special seating on a giant ark in China. So exciting, with things going like they are in reality I almost wish it were real. Of course I am hoping the ark does not survive the catastrophic event.

    • Talisman

      Terrible movie. I LOL’ed at the “science” and near misses of the main characters.

      • Tomcat

        I always let myself go and forgive bad scenes to enjoy the movies better. If not I could NEVER watch a Star Wars movie.

  • agcons

    I wonder if it should be “Judge” Roy Moore, given the on-again, off-again relationships he’s had with that title.

  • Robert Adams

    Alabama?

    Ain’t that the part of my home state, Pennsylvania, located between Philadelphia and Pittsburgh? Do I get a vote?

    • Ben in Oakland

      That’s pennsyltucky, so I’m told.

  • BeaverTales

    They call us “rubes” because of our family values. They refer to us as “hayseeds” because of our faith. They say we’re “offensive because we love America and refuse to turn our backs on our country and our flag.

    You Confederate KKKlan members don’t love America because you’ve been trying to destroy it for over 100 years.

    We call you names because you act like Jesus-besotted imbeciles who will gladly vote against your own best interests because you think you’re still fighting the Civil War. Thankfully, there are a lot of good Alabamans who want America to be strong, and they’re trying to fight back and keep you from wrecking the remaining government that’s left.

    • Cattleya1

      Good comment! We need to use ‘imbecile’ more often when referring to teabaggers.

  • Andrea_Rae

    Conservatives/Religious morons are so fucking gullible it hurts.

  • Halou

    “we love America and refuse to turn our backs on our country and our flag.

    Our flag? Is that the red one with the white circle and swastika in the middle, or is it the red one with the blue cross and stars going out to the corners? I must have missed the part where “our flag” was one of those that was saluted by the United States of America’s once defeated enemies.

  • Halou

    Can you notify us if Roy Moore corrects the ‘September 17, 1938’ paragraph? I’d like to know what nonsense he is trying to push.

  • thatotherjean

    When Joe Biden hates your guts, you’re quite probably the scumbucket he thinks you are.

  • JCF

    Yes, send money…to Moore’s opponent:

    https://dougjonesforsenate.com/

    • grada3784

      And to be fair, send Moore lots of thoughts and prayers.

  • ColdCountry

    I always liked Joe Biden…. (Mind you, I don’t believe any of this.)

  • Bob M

    Did anyone proofread or spellcheck this before sending it out?

    • Grumpy Old Man

      Yes – they did not see anything to change.

    • Scott Fitler

      It’s probably misspelled on purpose — their intended recipient won’t know the difference or if they do, will see it as proof that he’s a “genuine working class American” just like them who don’t need to spell!

    • Ben in Oakland

      Yes.