Crazy Eyes At Hate Convention: Unbelievers Are Going To Hell, Archeology Proves The Bible True [VIDEO]

Kyle Mantyla reports at Right Wing Watch:

Apparently operating under her new anointing as pastor, Bachmann opened her remarks by celebrating the election of Donald Trump before dedicating a significant portion of the remainder of her speech to recounting the history of Christianity and the saving power of Christ.

“You know, the remarkable thing,” she said, “when you read the Bible, every archeology find that has ever come forward has only proved the authenticity of the Bible.”

“We can’t even conceive of how great eternity will be with Him,” Bachmann declared. “It will be fabulous. And as fabulous as heaven will be, there will also be a literal hell. In the greatest tragedy in all of history, people who do not receive this free gift, there will be a place called hell and hell lasts just as long as heaven.”

  • Steve Pierson

    Um, has she started taking whatever Jim Bakker and Pat Robertson are on?

    • barracks9

      Are there any leftovers from the Jim Jones party?

    • Dagoril

      Did she ever stop?!

    • SammySeattle

      She has a distributorship. It’s kind of like Amway.

  • sdnative1958

    “Fabulous?!” Well, count me in!

    • Judas Peckerwood

      Sounds like Ladybird is starting to rub off on her.

      • TheManicMechanic

        That’s a visual I absolutely did not need.

  • bambinoitaliano

    The bible is as authentic as her lady bird’s heterosexuality.

  • joe ho

    lol. Another crazy Christer claiming to know things they don’t know. Puffing themselves up by pretending they have a connection with an imaginary creator of the universe.

    They are absolutely disgusting creatures.

    And the liberal Christers enable them.

  • Tor

    See you in hell, fellow bitches!!

    • Adam King

      We arrived in hell on January 20th.

      • GayOldLady

        I arrived on November 8th, 2016

  • GayOldLady
  • Adam King

    She knows as much about Biblical archaeology as she knows about government.

  • Bluto
  • Pollos Hermanos
  • J. Schitt Ragman

    Heaven for the climate … Hell for the company.

  • Sam_Handwich
  • swimboy

    Who knew that her eyes weren’t the only crazy thing about her?

    • Adam King

      Everybody. Everybody knew.

  • Lazycrockett

    Bitch is stupid.

    • Chucktech

      Alternative spelling for “christian.”

  • olandp

    How can heaven be “fabulous” when they won’t let the gays in?

    Got a message for you Michel, Marcus won’t be in heaven with you because God can see into your/his true heart…

  • PickyPecker

    GAH!!! No trigger warning on that pic!!!
    https://media.giphy.com/media/4gOJSLjo3NtQc/giphy.gif

  • joe ho
    • DonnaLee

      He’s one of my role models that anyone can overcome their upbringing.

  • AtticusP

    Well, if that crazy bitch is going to Heaven, Hell sounds pretty damned good to me.

    • grindstone

      My thoughts exactly. If heaven is filled with folks like you, I’m good with not going.

    • Todd20036

      That’s my opinion too. If heaven is for the Nazis who think it’s godly to treat “those people” like dirt, then I’ll go to hell and enjoy the company.
      Besides, I hear the orgies are hot down there.

      • AtticusP

        Honey, EVERYTHING is hot down there!

  • MikeBx2

    That scary crazy eyes picture needs some theme music…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPcC8bN5UFw

  • GayOldLady

    There’s absolutely no historical or archaeological proof that jesus christ ever existed. Put that in your buybull and smoke it

  • JoyZeeBoy

    Won’t she just shit when she gets to the other “side” and finds out that Carl Sagan runs the universe?

  • Judas Peckerwood

    “You know, the remarkable thing,” she said, “when you read the Bible, every archeology find that has ever come forward has only proved the authenticity of the Bible.”

    Talk about a textbook example of circular reasoning.

  • PickyPecker

    It’s Friday. Hmmm…what to do tonite…..
    https://i.imgflip.com/1xkdf3.jpg

    • April

      Shouldn’t the buffet price be $6.66?

      • Adam King

        It’s hell. They’re ripping you off for $.33.

      • jmax

        Since it’s Hell, I’m guessing they only take Discover Card.

        • April

          Or only pennies.

    • Joe in PA

      Ah, could we be a little more inclusive and make that a “wet underwear” contest? Hmmm??

      • Todd20036

        I like you.

  • Mark Née Fuzz

    Y’all are invited to the party in my brimstone pit.

  • dbishop75

    she apparently hasn’t paid too close attention to that last story in her book of fairy tales. does not say anything about people going to “hell”.

    • joe ho

      Jesus himself threatens people with an eternity in a lake of fire or a furnace more often than any other character in the Bible.

      It’s the people who misrepresent Jesus as an all-loving figure who show that they haven’t read very much of the Bible. Jesus is almost as much of a vengeful dickhead as his father.

      It’s disturbing that so many liberal Xtians pretend those passages don’t exist.

      • Joe in PA

        Don’t make me go to Cleveland, please.

        (ducking)

        • Adam King

          Very well, you’re sentenced to Pittsburg.

      • dbishop75

        I’m not a xian. I’m an ex-xian and converted to Hinduism. At least in Hinduism, they embrace the crazy of the stories and myths.

    • kaydenpat

      It’s projection of what she’d love to do to all those “sinners” that she doesn’t like.

  • joe ho

    lol.

    And archaeology shows that there really was a Trojan War and the places mentioned in the Iliad and Odyssey really existed. I guess that means that Zeus, Hera, Apollo & the other Homeric gods are real.

    I hope Michele has been sacrificing bulls to Zeus. Otherwise, her after-life prospects are not very good.

    • Adam King

      And archaeology shows that there was never any Exodus. *sad trombone*

      • CB

        And that “manger square” was completely made up.

      • Chucktech

        That should have been such an easy one to prove.

        • Lars Littlefield

          Agreed. Any large tribe wandering around in a desert (or anywhere) for forty years would have to leave a trail of trash.

    • Chucktech

      Oh, now, now, her afterlife prospects are no better or worse than yours or mine…

      Fuck…

    • grada3784

      Zeus was really into roast pork.

  • Skokieguy [Larry]
  • Joe in PA

    What’s up with that Bride-of-Frankenstein hair coloring? Sheesh, Marcus must have been having a bad day. 🙁

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/17752f1cc9002b134011b6e802f346585862b87cfc918db4d4fe12a91ae323f0.png

    • Adam King

      Elsa is so lovely.

      • Joe in PA

        For reals? I presume Elsa is an actress. ;( Sorry if I don’t get the ref. But yea, this woman is beautiful…love the elegant pose. 🙂

        • Christopher

          Elsa Lanchester played “The Bride”.

          (Edited to correct spelling.)

          • Adam King

            Lanchester. (I make the same mistake all the time.)

          • Christopher

            Thank you!

            I was trying to Google that very thing as the Hubbinator was leaving for work.

          • Adam King

            It’s Burt Lancaster’s fault.

        • olandp

          Elsa Lancaster, married to a gay man, Charles Laughton, too.

          • Joe in PA

            How do you people know all this stuff???

            Sheesh, the things you learn here. 🙂

            (and ‘you people’ was intentional. Ahem.)

          • olandp

            I’m surprised you ever got a gay card at all! I thought this was all required knowledge.

            lol

          • Joe in PA

            Shhhh, don’t bring up the daiquiri vs martini incident.

            (Mame)

            I’ll never live that one down. Sheesh. 🙂

          • BearEyes

            I keep telling the hubby that whenever I make a reference to an old movie or such and he just looks at me like – what?

          • Adam King

            Lanchester.

          • Joe in PA

            Purist. 🙂

          • olandp

            Sorry, didn’t check before I posted. You missed the e instead of an a on Elsa…

            Edited

          • Adam King

            I always get it mixed up too.

          • Adam King

            All the references I google have Elsa with an a.

          • olandp

            It is, but my fingers don’t always listen to what I tell them to type, they put an e, but I corrected it.

          • Adam King

            I assumed it was an autocorrect interference.

        • Rob NYNY

          Did you miss the stitches where her head is sewn onto her neck?

      • Lazycrockett

        I highly recommend watching her in “Ladies in Retirement” if you can catch it on TCM. It’s wonderfully odd.

  • zhera

    “You know, the remarkable thing,” she said, “when you read the Bible,
    every archeology find that has ever come forward has only proved the
    authenticity of the Bible.”

    Sure, Michelle. Like how the world is 6000 years old. And the flood? Totes happened! And since you said ‘every’, I’m guessing you somehow think that an archeology find in Mongolia proves something about the bible?

    Fabulous: This is not a word you’re entitled to use.

    • Friday

      All the archaeologies. Every one. 🙂

    • Chucktech

      So, Michele, where’s the archeological evidence for a civilization of Jews wandering the desert for forty years between Egypt and Israel? That should be an easy one to prove. Yet nutty bible “scholars” have searched desperately for that and come up with nada.

  • Christopher
  • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

    There will be a literal hell? You mean other than listening to you speak?

  • Dagoril

    I always wanted to open a gay nighclub with 2 separate levels, called Heaven and Hell…

    • boatboy_srq

      Heaven already exists. It’s under Charing Cross Station.

  • TexasBoy

    Archeology has proven some locations in the Bible did exist. It also proved some events did happen. It did NOT prove that the reason for the events or natural disasters had anything at all to do with a deity or his minions.

    • boatboy_srq

      It also has precious little to say about Mohenjo-Daro, Olduvai, Stonehenge, Monte Verde, and countless other sites either predating, or unknown to, ancient Semitic cultures.

  • Joe in PA

    I think we should all lobby JMG to bring back the “Get The Net” tag.

  • MikeBx2
    • Clive Johnson

      A meme classic.

      • MikeBx2

        It is. Love that one.

    • wmforr

      “Nice little body and soul you have there. Pity if something should happen to it.”

  • kaydenpat

    So she pictures herself in heaven celebrating with White Jesus forever while “sinners” are in hell being tortured forever. What a mean spirited, twisted concept of eternal joy. Count me out.

    • Raising_Rlyeh

      From that lovely “saint” thomas aquinas
      “In order that the happiness of the saints may be more delightful to them and that they may render more copious thanks to God for it, they are allowed to see perfectly the sufferings of the damned. . .So that they may be urged the more to praise God. . .The saints in heaven know distinctly all that happens. . .to the damned.”

      • kaydenpat

        Wow. How can anyone read that and think that they would be happy watching people tortured forever? That sounds like hell.

        • Chucktech

          Sounds like American Christians, actually.

          • kaydenpat

            Sadly true. Pretty sick folks.

  • Joe Evony

    Please Mr Husband Sir, your wife needs discipline

  • Christopher

    Heaven won’t have me, and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over.

    • Adam King

      John Constantine, is that you?

  • Frostbite

    If it’s so great we aren’t you in a hurry to get there, go now and take your totally not gay husband with you.

    • Chucktech

      Ooooohhhh no. No, they’re never in a hurry to get to heaven. That’s because deep down inside they know it’s all bullshit.

  • hoover2001

    None of this is going to change the fact that your husband is gay, Michele.

    • matrem

      Fun Fact: the last time Michelle ran for president, my mom called Marcus’s conversion therapy center. When her call went to voicemail, she left a scathing message calling them out for their monstrous practices. She then proceeds to get a call from Marcus himself. She missed the call, and he proceeded to leave a voicemail flat-out lying that they didn’t torture people to “convert” them to heterosexuality. The spouse of a presidential candidate called to personally harass a potential voter, AND LEAVE A RECORD. Boggles the mind.

      • hoover2001

        Holy shit! That’s insane. I don’t even want to know what the Bachmann’s personal lives are like (maybe I do, just a little.)

        • Lars Littlefield

          No you don’t. Really. You don’t.

  • TexasBoy
    • BearEyes

      I’ve been to Hell, Norway. Small town, cute.

      • Cattleya1

        Hell means bright in German – not sure about Norwegian.

  • Rex

    No way Trump’s going to Heaven, God’s not going to fight him for attention.

  • Yeah, sure, because people who lived thousands of years ago, whose most advanced technologies were writing and making stuff out of stone, iron, and bronze, and who believed the Earth was flat are the best authorities on telling us now how everything worked and where it all came from.

    Then again, the concepts of myths and metaphors are utterly lost on these whackjob crackpots.

  • Clive Johnson

    She’s so dogmatic and biased, and so lacking in introspective honesty, that practically by definition she can’t tell the truth.

  • Macbill

    Dinosaur bones prove that Noah had a bigly boat.

  • Lazycrockett

    Well Drumpf took off early to go golfing for the weekend.

    • boatboy_srq

      The US pResident, hard at work.

  • Uncle Mark

    30 years ago, I was in a suprisingly fascinated with a class at DePaul University…taught by a Catholic priest, who was also an archeologist. The class concerned an examination of the Bible (mostly the Old Testament). The professor would look at most of these passages as allegories and inaccurate spoken history, while reminding us of the actual history and moods of those times (it helped to keep things in context). Then he would tell us what the archeologists found. In almost all of the cases, there were glaring conflicts, if one ever interpreted the Bible as a literal history. (For example, he discussed how many times the city of Jericho was destroyed, and at the time it was referenced in the Bible, it was long destroyed.)

    I would have loved to see that crazy bitch’s head explode in such a class. I would ask her to produce the archeologists, who agree with the Bible, but we all know what a lying, demented, attention-whoring bitch she is.

    • Hell, even the story of Joseph and Mary supposedly making their way from Nazareth to Bethlehem for a census makes no sense whatsoever. (Book of Luke.)

      First of all, there’s no evidence Augustus actually called for a census at that time. Secondly, any such census would have a person register in the town in which they were living. Mary, as a woman (and Joseph’s property) would not have had to travel for this anyway. And finally, there is no record of any Roman census in the region of Palestine during Herod’s reign.

      • GanymedeRenard

        There you go with your pesky facts again.

      • Ben in Oakland

        not to mention, the slaughterof the innocents.

      • wmforr

        But shepherds did worship at the birth of Mithra, a legend that long preceded Christianity.

        • Lars Littlefield

          But I thought Mithra defeated Godzilla in Tokyo. How could I have been so misled after so many years? !

          • Robincho

            Well, even on Bronze Age qwerty keyboards, the “o” is right next to the “i”, just as it is in our own age. So this dispels the whole Mothra/Mithra confusion thing…

          • Flora

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !ka75d:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleHomeDreamCashJobsOpportunity/simple/work ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!ka75lzzz

          • CarolRFennell

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !ka86:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleOnlineEasyBaseTechJobsOpportunities/easy/jobs ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!ka86lggggg

        • Robert Eckert

          You are repeating the fabrications of Acharya S. There were no shepherds at the “birth” of Mithra because there were no material objects of any kind; the emergence of Mithra (the Sun) from undifferentiated rock was in that cosmology the Big Bang or let-there-be-light moment.

      • Mike Knife

        Crazy Eyes lives in Hell with her closeted gay husband who does Ex Gay Therapy to prove that he is not gay;)

    • Lazycrockett

      My religion class taught also by a Catholic priest was more atheist than any of my Philosophy Profs.

      • jmax

        I took an Ethics of Religion course which was taught by an atheist. The first day of class, he made a girl cry by verbally blistering her for answering a question with, “Because it says so in the Bible.” I really enjoyed that.

        • Lazycrockett

          Acouple of devotes dropped the class after the first day.

        • BearEyes

          oh to have been in that class that day

          • jmax

            The girl never came to another session.
            As a side note, when that professor retired a few years ago, he had an open letter printed in the campus newspaper and absolutely ripped into the student body for only being interested in passing classes with minimal effort and for their total lack of independent critical thinking. It was glorious.

          • BearEyes

            my kind of professor.

          • Strepsi

            I love the sound of that prof — now THAT’S how you retire!

            https://m.popkey.co/342ca0/YRpKZ.gif

        • wmforr

          Was she defending her father’s decision to sell her into slavery?

          • jmax

            That would be easier to defend than her father’s decision to brainwash her with religion.

    • boatboy_srq

      Bachmann’s archaeologists are Barton, Barton and (yep) Barton.

      • Ben in Oakland

        I thought it was the famous team of archaeologists– Maroon, Idjit, Ahole.

      • Chucktech

        Really? Not Moe, Larry, and Curly?

        • Strepsi

          yes. the same.

        • boatboy_srq

          The Stooges were funny. Barton (et al) is (are) just lazy and desperate.

    • Duh-David

      In the seventies, in a small midwestern village, I took a completely uncontroversial class, called “The Bible as Literature.” Can me make it a part of Common Core?

      • Nic Peterson

        Dark fiction. Should be rated as adult only material.

    • Archeology has proven more about the Trojan War than about the Bible.

      • Wynter Marie Starr

        Wish I could up vote a thousand times or so. You are so right!

      • Robincho

        The only Trojan War I ever gave a shit about was when my boyfriend and I were tussling over who got to wear the one remaining rubber…

    • Gay Fordham Prep Grad

      I went to Catholic schools as well, and for all the ritual mumbo jumbo of the RCC, if anyone ever muttered something about “creationism” in a science class, s/he would be tossed out on the ass and likely failed on the spot.

      • wmforr

        The church learned some lessons from challenging Galileo and vaccination, and so they were much more circumspect when Darwin came along.

    • Strepsi

      She is demented — she can’t even pretend not to patronize her house-faggot husband. Classic clip:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53OW517_oxM

    • Greg Korte

      Funny, I had a grade school nun who would challenge biblical stories and offer things like a a prolonged timeline and drought as an explanation for the parting of the Sea.

    • JCF

      Nah, Christianists refer to (the education received in this kind of) seminary as “cemetaries” (see re my alma mater—ooh, second of my alma maters referred to tonight!—Union Theological Seminary https://utsnyc.edu/ )

    • NMNative

      “but we all know what a lying, demented, attention-whoring bitch she is”
      Are you still talking about bachman or did you switch to trump?

      • Uncle Mark

        It’s easy to confuse the two; however keep in mind that one thinks she’s God’s favorite, and the other thinks she’s god

  • Pip
    • Joe in PA
      • Pip
        • Acronym Jim

          “L’il pink sock!”

      • vorpal 😼

        He moved off the trackpad!
        I was just in Santiago for two days and I swear when I got back, the cats were in the same positions they were in when I left.

        • Joe in PA

          That’s because they ARE in the same position. 🙂

        • Joe in PA

          And BTW, the little kitty WAS a boy (for some reason we just assumed he was a boy) and the folks at the shelter took him in…he’ll likely find a good forever home. 🙂

          • vorpal 😼

            =happy!=
            Thanks for updating me! I was thinking of the little guy and wondering what had happened. I’m so glad to hear that he was fortunate enough to find you and get some help. He is so adorable that I’m sure he’ll find some human minions in no time at all!

          • grada3784

            A boy named Kitty?

          • Joe in PA

            🙂

  • toddc

    You really need to work on your threats…..

  • MikeBx2

    Fun fact: Christians once executed people for claiming that the sun was the center of our solar system. Because, you know, the Bible.

  • Ken M

    http://www.anorak.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/hell.jpg Welcome To HELL, MI. Paper is from the UK, couldn’t resist though.

    • Baltimatt

      Is that Fahrenheit or Celsius? (I already know the answer.)

      • Eastside Derp

        I feel bad for you. Your well moderated forum is simply a joke anymore. The 8 same people arguing the same crap everyday. It’s incestuous! And sad!!!!!
        And why do you end up with so many CREEPS?

        The only fresh blood you get there is previously banned posters who aren’t the best folks to have around.
        But you sure like ‘em!

        Let me guess….. Bluto is a mystery to you.
        Similar to Jeebus and Jeeebus. 😂😂
        Anyway- bugging you is dull because YOURE DULL!

        Please make sure that no one ever puts a happy emoji on a serious post by the way! 😡😡😡

        🤡

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Cucking Funt needs to be pushed down a flight of stairs lined with razor blades and nails.

    Yeah, I’m in a mood.

    • Canadian Observer

      Jean-Marc, you keep forgetting the sand paper, and the iodine bath at the bottom of the stairs. Fixed it for you!

  • BearEyes

    I think some archaeologists might be surprised by that.

    • Joe in PA

      And you win the understatement of the year award! 🙂

    • HomerTh

      I’ve been an archaeologist for 31 years. And yes, I am surprised to learn this bullshit.

      • jmax

        So you didn’t get your degree at Liberty University? : )

    • Misutaa Roboto

      This is “Archaeology proves the Bible” nonsense is a beloved and resilient trope among fundagelitards.

      In their minds the Bible is all-or-nothing, and can only be treated as a single unit. Anything that supports any aspect of it supports all of it. There are plenty of bullshitters who will compile lists of archaeological finds that they believe confirm various stories or details out of the Bible (and it’s usually filled out with pseudoscientific claims that are much stronger). This sort of thing is effective at reassuring believers that their idiotic mythology is “like totally supported by like archaeology and stuff”. They don’t need strong arguments to keep believing. They just need to keep being reassured that such arguments exist.

  • Secure

    So all Mormons will burn in hell, including the entire Romney family?

    • Uncle Mark

      Mormons, Catholics, and those who don’t require adult baptism, or don’t adhere & embrace the letter and verse of their ideology.

      • Joe in PA

        And don’t get her started on those joooz.

    • jmax
      • GanymedeRenard

        As long as they’re 18 and over, I’m in!

        • Is the second one from the left over 18?

          • GanymedeRenard

            No idea, hence my comment. 🙂

      • Daveed_WOW

        I saw that movie on my computer last night. Very inspiring.

      • grada3784

        Hotter Days.

      • Daveed_WOW

        Whatever you do, don’t google Mormon Boyz. Just don’t.

        • jmax

          Too late.

  • greenmanTN
  • HZ81

    If Jesus and heaven are so awesome, why don’t these ass-clowns just kill themselves and go?

  • Blake Mason

    She was on the Intelligence Committee… think about that.

  • GanymedeRenard
  • Uncle Mark

    Could we bring back the Indiana Jones franchise, so Harrison Ford can bitch-slap that crazy twat? It’s the least Spielberg can do after the 4th movie.

  • bkmn
  • Benny S.

    My ears! My ears!! Ahhhhhh!!!

    • Snarkaholic

      Her eyes! Her eyes! Ahhhhhh!!!

  • JWC

    Getting a little desparate honey Grasping at straws maybe, https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e6e36deb1139e2a33f48b3b4f288fae2af65da154ab75e8480f7a340891bc1be.jpg Everything all right at Home??/

  • Ernest Endevor

    “We can’t even conceive of how great eternity will be with Him,” Bachmann declared. “It will be fabulous.” If she’s referring to Ladybird then heaven will indeed be fabulous.

    “Isn’t heaven fabulous?”
    “I hear Ladybird and Lincoln are giving swing-dance lessons this afternoon.”
    “That is so fabulous! Who needs catholics?”
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8a98b3a117b16c86d3a107883b5312bdb94f320a7906d2a466ddfadc381141ea.jpg

    • Cattleya1

      Is that Justin Trudeau on the left?

  • Adam Stevens

    How does an adult say this kind of stuff with a straight face?

    • kanehau

      Once the mind goes – the husk it is in is meaningless.

  • Xiao Ai: The Social Gadfly

    Correct me if I’m wrong but, isn’t archeology a science?

    • jmax

      They pretend to be all sciency when it suits their purpose. Otherwise, science is the work of Satan.

  • HomerTh

    I’m an archaeologist. The only Biblical things proven about the bible are a number of places names and the fact that some of the individuals mentioned (e.g., Pontius Pilate) actually existed. None of the major events described in the bible (the Flood, the Exodus from Egypt, Jesus) has been proven true and most have been proven false. Even worse- the Book of Mormon.

    • jmax

      So you’re saying Native Americans aren’t one of the Lost Tribes of Israel? Heretic!

      • grada3784

        Travelling from Egypt to Israel and they wound up in North America qualifies them for really lost.

      • Snarkaholic

        Q: Why did the Children of Israel wander in the wilderness for 40 years?
        A: Because Moses refused to stop and ask for directions.

        • BillyDee4

          I thought they were looking for good Chinese take-out.

    • Natty Enquirer

      Fake news!

  • fkevin

    This free gift can be yours for only your mind, body and free will.

  • Alternative Facts

    Hell would be spending eternity next to Michelle Bachman and her self hating closeted husband.

    • -M-

      and or

  • CB

    If we’re handing out free gifts, I’d rather have the travel size cologne.

  • Lee Grupsmith-Pedersen
  • I once made the mistake of giving a religious relative a book on Biblical Archaeology as a gift. I thought it was thoughtful. It was clear they never even cracked the spine a year later though. They aren’t interested in actual archaeology. Just urban legends about findings that confirm their religious beliefs. Actually archaeology has proven that a lot of what’s in the Bible is either grossly distorted or never happened at all.

  • GanymedeRenard

    This is my idea of a FABULOUS Heaven… I want to be greeted by these queens at the pearly gates if a heaven exists (and if I deserve to inhabit):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKV-P-mAxWE

  • bsinps

    Bat shit crazy!!!

  • Grifting is grifting, be it politics or religion.

  • bkmn
  • Robert Adams

    “every archeology find that has ever come forward has only proved the authenticity of the Bible.”

    Evolution, on the other hand, not so much, I guess.

  • Halou

    If heaven is spending an eternity in the same place as her the please, sign me up for hell.

  • ETownCanuck

    In Canada, when we hear this sort of language anywhere outside of a Church…the average person usually (rightly) concludes that the person spouting it, is most likely looney tunes. Why can’t you guys down there get over your religion addiction?

    • Del Sam

      A lot of us have. Just number of them gotta hold onto “That Old Tyme Religion” since they are too “stoopid” and “ignant” to get an “edjumakshun” and think for themselves

    • PhillyProfessor

      In part its a testament to the power of herd mentality. It’s difficult to get rid of something that binds a herd together and gives it so much strength

  • Natty Enquirer
  • Does this mean that “Lady Bird” Marcus will get five extremely painful golden hemorrhoids in his “secret parts” per 1 Samuel 6:17-19 since he is clearly a trespassing Philistine? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5d391dc2458367669dd7b9b984f6c0d94e400640c5b8a56e5683f3f31d5e8713.jpg

    • Snarkaholic

      As straight as a circle.

  • acde

    Crazy Eyes is too limiting as her honorific. Bat Shit Crazy is more all encompassing

  • Mike

    “every archeology find that has ever come forward has only proved the authenticity of the Bible.”… actually dear … the opposite is true. No evidence of Israel captive in Egypt. No evidence of conquering the levant, Evidence that there was a Mrs god until late in the monarchy. etc etc … and that’s just the OT.

    • Tor

      What parts of the bible to Machu Picchu, Chichen Itza or Angor Wat prove?

      • McSwagg

        Book of Mormon and its “lost tribes” …?

        • Tor

          Ask Crazy Eyes what she thinks of the Book of Mormon.

          • McSwagg

            I don’t believe she actually “thinks” so that would be quite a stretch for her.

  • Matt

    If Jesus whores aren’t there, it will be automatically better than wherever they end up.

  • infmom

    HAHAHAHAHA…. I wish Israel Finkelstein could give her the truth about Biblical archaeolgy, but she’d never listen to a Jew.

  • Lars Littlefield

    I deal with this type of madness and stupidity constantly living among mormons. As some of you may know, the mormons believe their Book of Mormon is an account of Jesus ministering to the Nephites, Jaredites (yes, I know), Lehites, and Poopites who loved and warred in Central and South America after he was resurrected. And Mormons LOVE to tell anyone within shouting distance that modern archaeology is proving it is true and even truer every day. Which, of course, is not even remotely true. “Hey! Have you heard the good news? Zarahemla is where Mexico City is today!” Yeah, . . . uh huh. Sure.

    I’ve spent considerable time a Tikal, Tulum, Uxmal, Chichen Itza, Mount Alban, Xunantunich, Caracol, Teotihuacan as well as spooked around and investigated pre Pueblan ruins from the USA to Central Mexico. Nope. Nothing about Jesus or the Angel Moroni. And don’t get me started on Peru and the high plains in Bolivia. Of course, that doesn’t stop the Mormon church from dispatching their own archaeology apologists from BYU to just make up shit to make the faithful feel better. But like the Kathy Bates character in AHS, “”It lies. It”s all lies!”

    By the way. I’ve done all this travel and research over the years as a well-paid professional ethnobotanist. Also, I like investigating the ruins of ancient civilizations. They’re fun!

    So, when I am confronted with energized whackos convinced the buybull is true or the BOM is a living testament of Jesus, well . . . I now just laugh at them, which is better than how I used to react to them. They CRAAAZY!

    Remember: you can’t spell Moroni without moron.

    • wmforr

      Poopites?

      • Lars Littlefield

        Just as real as anything else. Which is to say, not a real thing at all. Poopites.
        🙂

  • wmforr

    She forgot to say absolutely fabulous. I get the impression that the major joy that Christianists anticipate in heaven is knowing that all the people they hate are undergoing eternal suffering. I believe it was a Universalist minister who said, “I do not know how any feeling human being could enjoy living in heaven while knowing that others were being tortured in hell.”

  • greenmanTN

    I just don’t get people with this level of religiosity. I mean if you’re going to believe in some higher power/creator, fine, whatever, but how does it fester into this insanity where it literally takes over your life and everything is viewed through that lens?

  • That is the position from where these people work: they, of course, will go to a fantastic paradise. While all those they loathe must be consigned to an eternal hell of agony and damnation. Egotism is a cancer.

  • netxtown

    I have my own golden rule: do not grocery shop while hungry
    So – today before I hit the aisles, I hit a drive thru, and while munching on something slapped between two buns – I was wondering how far ahead (progress) the world would be had the dark ages and the crusades not sucked the life out of everyone back then. I’m sure we would already be way past combustion engines, and coal, and maybe even the common cold put out to pasture.

    But NOOOOOOO. Here we are today still fighting these bible crazy fools.

  • netxtown

    Is it crazy to not read the drivel of someone you know is crazy?…to just dismiss them with no mention?

    I just can’t read her shit….

  • charemor

    If you are so excited about eternity, Me-Shell, why don’t you hurry up and go there?

  • -M-

    Ugh, the complete disconnect from reality of people like Michele Bachmann or Ken Hamm.

    The moral and political foundation of America is the realization that nobody has the authority to speak for “God”.

  • Wynter Marie Starr

    I’m shocked that this stupid bitch even know how to spell archaeology. I have no doubt she doesn’t know the meaning of the word. And, no, archeology hasn’t proven anything in the bible, although some ancient cities that the bible MAY have referred to have been located. Using science no less.

  • Gianni

    “You know, the remarkable thing,” she said, “when you read the Bible,
    every archeology find that has ever come forward has only proved the
    authenticity of the Bible.”……………I don’t know about ‘EVERY’ archeological discovery, but she is in the ballpark. What she’s speaks of is that many of the actual physical locations mentioned in the Bible have been proven through archeology to be factual, but her statement suggests that the ‘faith claims and miracles’ described in the Bible have been proven to be true and that is absolutely NOT TRUE.

  • Pete Wascher

    the world was created in 7 days?

    • Snarkaholic

      Six…God took Saturday off.

  • JCF
  • andrew

    Please Michele prove all the doubters wrong. Lead an expedition and find that Ark of Noah’s. Once the Ark is found lead an expedition into Sinai where the bible tells us that a couple million freed Israeli slaves wandered around for forty years but to date archaeologists haven’t found a single shred of physical evidence supporting this righteous biblical claim. If the Catholic Church has pieces of wood from the cross on which Jesus died and the cloth shroud in which his body was wrapped, surely a Protestant believer like you can find some shred of evidence of a couple million Jews living and dying in Sinai for 40 years. We must challenge these doubters.

  • Dale Snyder

    What a vile piece of illiterate christian shit.

  • itsnwman

    At the age of six my parents told me that religion was a fairy tale, just like Paul Bunyan and the BlueOx. As a result I have never had the problems religion causes for its followers. I consider it superstition and a total waste of time.

  • Marc

    I assume hell has a rockin’ bathhouse full of big-dicked muscular tops?

  • SamCam

    Crazy eyes is my favorite “Orange is the New Black” character.

  • Jeff Breeze

    Dammit who keeps activating the Rapture Bot 2000?