World Net Daily: God’s Secret Messages In Willy Wonka Can Be Seen In The Incineration Of Wicked Veruca Salt

Today from World Net Daily:

“As shocking as it sounds, God Himself is using the center of the entertainment universe, which is often thought to have abandoned the Creator long ago, to secretly broadcast messages in popular movies and TV shows that ostensibly have nothing to do with matters of faith,” says Joe Kovacs, author of the highly anticipated, brand-new book, “Shocked by the Bible 2: Connecting the Dots in Scripture to Reveal the Truth They Don’t Want You to Know.”

Regarding “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory,” Kovacs says the beloved 1971 musical starring Gene Wilder is one of the clearest, most succinct metaphors for key messages of the Bible. He explains that the candyman Wonka represents Jesus, the Maker of all things good and sweet, who is testing the morals of children to determine who can receive “the most fabulous prize one could wish for,” as a newscaster declares at the start of the movie.

Kovacs notes: “Throughout the film, Wonka (Jesus) pays close attention to the character of each individual, to discern if the children are filled with good or evil. Those filled with bad traits, such as the obnoxious girl Veruca Salt, the closest thing to a witch with a capital B that you’ll ever see on screen, end up headed for the furnace, the reward for all the wicked who don’t turn away from their transgressions.”

God loves everybody so motherfucking much he’ll burn children alive if they get sassy. Praise! Glory!

  • Anastasia Beaverhousen

    But I want a nonvengeful god and I want him now!

    • TampaDink

      POINTS!

    • Gustav2

      That was Jesus in the New Covenant, until these people got a hold of religion in America.

      • Tomcat

        Well he was just fine until he turned republican.

        • (((GC)))

          He and his disciples were socialists and communists even, holding “all property in common” to give to those who had need!

    • Ernest Endevor

      His name shall be Tito.

      • greenmanTN

        Not Levon?

        • Ernest Endevor

          Behold his bounty.
          http://www.titosvodka.com

          • greenmanTN

            Hmmm. Cute too….

          • Ernest Endevor

            There you go. Plus he kisses dogs.

          • Lars Littlefield

            Made with extra dog.

    • Oscarlating Wildely

      But daddy, I want a pony.

    • HAAAAAAA
      • Brianna LaPoint

        That would be Bacchus.

    • RobynWatts

      Ooooh look….a squirrel, or 50!

      Bad news for religious fundamentals is 1): They are all bad nuts, and 2): That today is garbage incinerator day.

      https://youtu.be/Zb1_dQ81IJg

  • Nic Peterson

    Sweet FSM, these people are fucking lunatics.

    • Todd20036

      Anyone who is more than passingly interested in religion is a lunatic.
      You’ve got these idiots:

      You’ve got the RCC that is ok with kiddie fuckers.
      You’ve got Scientology. Yeah, don’t get me started.
      You’ve got the Mormons with their own planets and magical underwear.
      You’ve got the Hasidim with all sorts of fun things including oppressing women, not bathing much, and wearing magical scarves (talleet)
      You’ve got Muslims, with their misogyny, anti gay bigotry, and justified pedophilia.

      Moderate adherents eschew the above, but then they aren’t the ones trying to work their religion into secular society.

  • Lazycrockett

    Really? I always thought Willy wanted to do things to Charlie.

    • Nowhereman

      That was the remake, not the original. (Johnny Depp is creepy)

  • j.martindale

    Vice punished, virtue rewarded. What profound insights this religious quack offers.

  • JWC

    someone has Way too much time

  • bambinoitaliano

    If god ever existed, he would not let that many fucking morons abuses his name without getting any royalty out of it. Not like America is lack of lawyers.

  • TampaDink

    I love that movie….but am, to this day, perplexed by the odd family arrangement. Who can possibly imagine both of your sets of grandparents sleeping in the same bed?

    • Anastasia Beaverhousen

      Oh honey, they’re doing the “Ompa, doompa, doopity do”, grrrrrrrrr

      • TampaDink

        I suspected as much…no wonder Charlie wanted to get the fuck out of that house.

  • sfjohn

    yeah Roald Dahl was such a good christian he left Patricia Neal right after she had a stroke…………

  • Friday

    And.. nothing to do with class warfare, or mean people sucking, obviously. 🙂

    • Todd20036

      I’m ok with a mean suck…

      • BJORN RAGNVALDR

        or even a revenge fuck…

        • Lars Littlefield

          Please . . no teeth! Either do it right or don’t do it at all.

  • Joe in PA

    So, Joe forgot the “Get the net” tag. Hmmm.

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      All the nets are currently in use.
      Please come by & check again.

  • William

    Veruca Salt is Ivanka Trump. That’s the message.

    • greenmanTN

      Ivanka? Donald Trump!

      • William

        Donald does not look good in a dress.

    • Cuberly Deux

      Is Stephen Miller Mike TV?

  • Megrim Twist
  • PickyPecker

    Oooo….I love this game. Let’s see, Violet represents the evangelical quasi-christian right who try too take what they want and don’t feel there should be consequenses. (and then blow up like a blueberry)
    https://readinginbeddotorg.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/blue.gif

    • TampaDink

      Or a Hucklebeery.

    • glass

      Violet eats gum and becomes todd starnes.

    • Todd20036

      She’d look fucking awesome in a night club like that.

      • jerry

        Under the black lights, I think I probably look like that in a club.

        • Todd20036

          So would I, but she’d glow!

  • Gustav2

    Jesus tests the morals of children by tempting them? What neo Calvinist shit is that?

    Do not celebrate the 500th the end of this month assholes.

  • Nowhereman

    I would love it if all of the so-called holy books on the planet suddenly self-immolated. Let’s live in the real world before your gods and demons effing destroy it.

  • Their deity is a bloodthirsty murderer then, and his followers are violent barbarians.

    This is CHILDREN we’re talking about. And this wheezing asshole is basically saying they deserve hell—eternal unimaginable torture—for misbehaving.

    Even the film makes it clear the kids aren’t really in physical danger and that somehow the Oompa-Loompas will save them. But Kovacs would just as soon the kids die horribly. Hooookay.

    Fuckers.

    • Gustav2

      The people commenting on WND are not having it either.

  • MikeBx2

    This reminds me; it’s World Mental Health Day.

    • Friday

      I probably shoulda taken one. 🙂

  • bambinoitaliano

    World Net Bonker and it’s loco nutty factory.

  • Oscarlating Wildely
  • PickyPecker

    Let’s ward these people off.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVi3-PrQ0pY

    • Mikey

      that has to be one of my favourite songs from any musical film.

  • calvin

    Veruca Salt is Ivanka Trump. That’s the message.

    • Ken M

      Explains the Golden Egg passion.

  • another_steve

    I discovered today that my cat has “666” imprinted on the sole of her rear left paw.

    What should I do?

  • Joe in PA

    Lucy says…I’m taking my stick and leaving…you people are too weird.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/19ad2f986763d3e26d4ea823e0c29efaf37631c1b6f81b647e1d9e7cbb15507d.png

    • Lars Littlefield

      I love it when dogs do that. It’s like you can hear them thinking, “I’ve gat a purpose. Don’t nobody stop me. Ta dee ta dum ta dee.”

      • Joe in PA

        Oh yeah, that is exactly what she is thinking…or maybe she just has to pee. 🙂 Still…

        • Lars Littlefield

          A job is a job.

  • HAAAAAAA
    • Tomcat

      Good to see she still has it.

    • Xuuths

      “Your momma sews socks that smell!” — from Saturday Night Live . . .

  • Mikey

    of course, this only makes sense if you ignore the simple fact that none of the children died, nor were permanently hurt in the film.

  • Ken M

    That book is in the comedy section, isn’t it? He would have a field day with “Alice in Wonderland.”

  • Frostbite

    Why does your all powerful deity have to do everything in secret encoded hidden messages only one lucky individual can decipher? You would think it would be powerful enough to post a flaming billboard in the sky that says “Don’t be a dick.” Right?

  • Pollos Hermanos

    I loved Veruca Salt in the 90’s.

    https://youtu.be/jC9AUR-iTo0

    • The_Wretched

      I was so happy in the 90s when the grunge & industrial music changes happened. Insipid R&R was boring me to tears.

    • ChrisInKansas

      The Morning Sad is great too. 🙂

  • JCF
    • Ken M

      Does it have to be a musical?

  • barrixines

    Roald Dahl pretty much decided Christianity was a sham when a retired Archbishop of Canterbury told him that the family dog, Rowley, wouldn’t go to heaven to join his late seven year old daughter Olivia.

    Christians – it’s not always all about you.

  • m_lp_ql_m

    I know more “inflation fetishists” who became so because of Violet Beauregard than I should.

    • The_Wretched

      “Why is there a fish tank air pump in your nightstand?”

  • StillALiberal

    Roald Dahl said he lost faith in god after his daughter aged seven died of measles and he was unimpressed with how Christianity could explain her death. He wrote Charlie and the Chocolate Factory soon after her death. What a totally tone deaf interpretation of Dahl’s work.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/biographyandmemoirreviews/7930223/Roald-Dahl-on-God-the-day-I-lost-faith-in-the-Boss.html

  • Tatonka

    “…the obnoxious girl Veruca Salt, the closest thing to a witch with a capital B that you’ll ever see on screen…”

    1) There is no “B” in witch.
    2) Has he never seen the wizard of Oz?
    3) Color me shocked that there’s no mention of parasitic old Grampa Joe, who does nothing, takes credit for everything, and is “miracled” out of bed the minute there’s something in it for him. Where does he fit in your little allegory?

    Ugh. I can’t believe I’ve put so much thought into this.

  • Ken M

    So dear Willy is Jesus. Oh could we have some with that one. Based on “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” God (Jesus’ dad) is a satanic dentist. Very interesting.

  • Daveed_WOW

    So..self involved brats with quick tempers and bad manners are witches who deserve to be executed? Children? Jesus is good with this?

  • Macbill

    Jesus was the one with the large penis in “Deep Throat”.

  • Ken M

    “Highly Anticipated.” By whom?

  • The_Wretched

    I see. He didn’t actually understand the movie. Also, the morality of CatCF is pretty plain and simple. The oopa-loompas sing it to you.

  • Sam_Handwich
    • PickyPecker
      • Gustav2

        Like Sen Corker, Handwich is no longer a candidate for office and can now say what he really thinks.

      • Lars Littlefield

        I have stewed chicken and dumplings cooking on my wood-burning stove right now, having executed an old hen and annoying rooster of war crimes this morning. A late lunch will be ready in an hour. Mmmmmm . . . good.

    • Tomcat

      A simple butt plug would have been enough.

  • Ken M

    I want Disney, I want Disney, I want Disney!!!!! 😉

  • Xuuths

    Um, no, Veruca was not ever “headed for the furnace”. Period. Silly person, Wonka only suggested that as a possibility in order to temporarily create drama for the parent who asked, but made it clear it wasn’t going to happen. Boy theists are dumb!

    • Paul Duca

      “Well, I believe that furnace is only lit every other day…so she has a good sporting chance”

    • Keroleen

      Not to mention the original book and the Johnny Depp remake both explicitly show that Veruca and the other kids are more-or-less okay at the end. The Gene Wilder version mentions it, saying they’re hopefully wiser for the wear, but it isn’t as overtly shown as in the other cases.

  • kelven

    The level of emotional and intellectual maturity to come up with this shit is certainly at the level of a children’s story. Even then, they are so lazy they have to try and glom onto anything popular and make it secretly all about Jeebus. As a gardener, I’ve learned that many plants and flowers were known by other names before being appropriated by the god bothered. Not an original idea in the lot of them.

  • 🎵 Oompa loompa doompadee doo, 🎵
    🎵 I’ve got another puzzle for you. 🎵
    🎵 Oompa loompa doompadee dee, 🎵
    🎵 Gather around, and listen to me! 🎵
    🎵 What do get when a movement is…nuts? 🎵
    🎵 Led by a president who’s just a big…putz? 🎵
    🎵 It’s idiocy that makes us all…cringe 🎵
    🎵 When we see these people…on…the fringe! 🎵
    🎵 I don’t like the looks of this! 🎵
    🎵 Oompa loompa doompadee dah, 🎵
    🎵 Avoid World Net Daily, you will go far, 🎵
    🎵 You will live in happiness too! 🎵
    🎵 Like the Oompa loompa doompadee do! 🎵

    • Todd20036

      *golf clap*
      You win one internet….

      • Ha ha, thanks. Hope it made some people laugh. :p

  • Cuberly Deux

    Wanna see a WND shutin bigot’s head pop?

    “Charlie in ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ was supposed to be black, Roald Dahl’s widow says”

    http://www.businessinsider.com/charlie-in-charlie-and-the-chocolate-factory-was-meant-to-be-black-2017-9

    Black Jebus!

  • bambinoitaliano
  • Stubenville

    And soooooo convenient that Roald Dahl, the writer, has been dead for nearly 30 years. So he can’t deny this utter batshittery.

    When did lying get dropped from the Bible as a sin?

    • (((GC)))

      Aren’t there other parts of the Bible which say it’s perfectly OK to lie in order to win souls over to Jesus?

      • Stubenville

        I must have missed the part of the Bible where they say the end justifies the means.

        • The_Wretched

          The end justifies the means is the point of southern christianity.

  • Ninja0980

    They do know she survived in the end right?

  • Girlgoon

    I would sooooo love a comeback quote from good ol’ J. Wilder.

    • ScubaBearLA

      He’s been dead a lot longer than three days, so not likely at this point. But hey, at least he’s Jewish so they got part of that right!

  • Adam Stevens

    An ADULT man wrote this. ADULT. I just can’t say it enough.

    Adult, adult, adult.

    • Todd20036

      Physically an adult. Still an emotional and mental child.

  • boatboy_srq

    Notice they are remarkably silent on the matters of baked Augustus Glut or squeezed Violet Beauregard.

  • Talisman

    I’m probably one of the few who has never seen Willy Wonka. Not even the remake. So, I cannot comment.

    • Xuuths

      There’s a simple cure for that . . . it involves Netflix.

    • greenmanTN

      The 71 version is really very good. Didn’t see the Johnny Depp version so can’t comment on that one.

      • Mikey

        both versions are quite different.
        I saw the original on a grade-school class trip when it first came out in the theatre.

        I am one of the few who actually loves both versions. Depp’s version brings out an “abused child” vibe about Willy, that goes a long way toward explaining why Willy Wonka is Willy Wonka.

        The Gene Wilder version has a more… strange? Willy Wonka, in that he seems normal and kind one second, yet appears to be hiding some sort of really deep-rooted psychopathy.

        Depp plays Wonka as almost autistic, while Wilder plays him as a borderline serial killer.

        • greenmanTN

          The boat scene in the 71 version is legitimately terrifying, so I see your point.

      • -M-

        It’s very different, but both are very good. I was surprised, I had low expectations for the Depp film.

  • Henry Auvil

    In the words of Roald Dahl, Willy Wonka’s creator: “I knew very well that only the night before this preacher had shown neither forgiveness nor mercy in flogging some small boy that had broken the rules… Did they preach one thing and practice another, these men of God?…It was all this, I think, that made me begin to have doubts about religion and even about God.

    I sat there wondering if this great and famous churchman really knew what he was talking about and whether he knew anything at all about God or heaven, and if he didn’t, then who in the world did? And from that moment on, my darlings, I’m afraid I began to wonder whether there really was a God or not.”

  • ByronK

    So these “God-fearing Christians” basically just called the little girl in the movie a bitch. Nice. WWJD? I think he’d call her a nasty little ‘word that rhymes with kicking a football a short distance’.

    Please, someone stop the crazy!!

  • Refugay

    I’m good friends with Julie Dawn Cole-the actress who played Veruca in this film. I just sent her this. She is going to laugh her ass off!! Btw, she is an amazing woman!!!

  • Tulle Christensen

    And it was so obvious that Wonka was Jesus it only took 46 years to figure it out

  • CB

    Roald Dahl was not a believer. A view that evolved after his daughter died.
    Anyone with any education about Dahl and his writing would know that he was criticizing parent, media and spoiled children, as he did in Matilda and James and the Giant Peach. His adult fiction, particularly short stories in Kiss Kiss, is even more grim.
    These people are morons.
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/biographyandmemoirreviews/7930223/Roald-Dahl-on-God-the-day-I-lost-faith-in-the-Boss.html

    • CB

      Sorry, I see Henry below made the same point first. Still, these people just making crap up incenses me.

    • These are the same fools who see saints and Jeebus in toast, wood grain, clouds, etc.

    • Originally, Dahl’s “Oompa-Loompas” were a tribe of African Pygmies. It was rightfully noted how incredibly racist this was, as well as really looking a hell of a lot like slavery.

    • jerry

      I just watched the movie “The BFG”, based upon his book. It was also somewhat a morality tale, and directed by Spielberg.

  • Didn’t the religious groups complain/boycott this movie way back when?

  • Jeffrey Hitchin

    This makes me wonder what Violet did to receive blueberry bloating as a reward. This makes no sense.

  • Clive Johnson

    The god of conservative/fundamentalist Christianity: “I love you unconditionally with a love more powerful than you’ve ever experienced–infinite love.”

    This god notices insufficient obedience.

    The god of conservative/fundamentalist Christianity: “Time to commit another genocide!”

  • Halou

    Christianity did not invent morals, they can’t claim ownership of the concept.

  • DaveMiller135

    ‘Cause cellphones or, I know He likes to put on a show, a Jumbotron is just to hard to figure out.

  • misterjack

    Christ stains are really current with pop culture.

  • jerry

    What…not the 2005 version with Johnny Depp? (I think his Willie Wonka was one of the creepiest screen portrayals I’ve ever seen, based upon Michael Jackson). https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/11153d335757d6645972bbbc59b242c81ffbfede94ec0b2f8b644d0839a41a72.gif

    • Treant

      I strongly preferred Gene Wilder’s, actually. Gene had the mostly normal thing going on, with just a very frightening edge of weirdness that popped out exactly when it was going to be creepy.

      Depp’s Wonka radiated “I will molest you. Before or after you’re dead, it doesn’t matter to me.”

      • jerry

        Yes, I much preferred Gene’s version. Depp’s was scary/creepy…more so than his Sweeney Todd portrayal.

  • KarenAtFOH

    Love the Johnny Depp version:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBi9tJAABGM

    • -M-

      They’re both very good movies.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada
  • April

    Wow, it only took 46 YEARS to come up with this Christian fever dream.

    P.S. Veruca Salt? I prefer the band.

  • adamj2013

    I guess if you don’t understand how metaphors work this could be some scary shit.

  • Lee Grupsmith-Pedersen

    That’s nice. How about a reference from this century?

  • John

    It sounds like a really bad, freshman thesis written early on the morning it’s due, after a night filled with lots of alcohol and some great drugs.

  • Robert Schaaf

    But she was the best thing in the movie!

  • leastyebejudged

    Remembering Gene Wilder and Gilda Radner.

  • iambu

    I wanna weigh in on this, I really do, but I can’t get past Shocked By The Bible 2…I am dying over here….

  • ColdCountry

    I always thought there was a bit of child molester vibe to Willy Wonka. The way Johnny Depp played him was just CREEPY, but in some ways, sweet Gene Wilder was even worse, as he seemed so nice.

  • andrew

    Wow. This rivals the Fatima apparitions and secrets. I just know that the creator of the universe with its billions of galaxies is inspiring this stuff. LOL,LOL.LOL.

  • JDS
  • Ann Kah

    “One of the clearest, most succinct metaphors” that took 46 years to discover. Kovaks needs to get another hobby, seriously. Nothing too taxing, mind you. Perhaps picking up cans along the railroad tracks…

  • grada3784

    Except in neither version of the movie did Veruca Salt actually get incinerated. I don’t think she was in the book either.

  • Itsatarp

    Maybe it’s just me, but my take away was as bad as the kids were their parents were even worse because they instilled the terrible morals and enabled their kids while not suffering the same punishment. That being said, I can see how Christians would take this crazy position. After all, their god is constantly using hurricanes and earthquakes etc. to punish innocents for to the misdeeds of others.

  • Paula

    It took them since 1971 to come up with this?

  • Steve Heath

    “Shocking as it may sound!” leads always leave me unsatisfied

  • shrpblnd

    Okay, explain the line “The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!”

    We all giggle at the reference to “snozzberries,” and as kids, we assumed it was an innocuous made-up word for some sort of awesome, delicious fruit. Turns out, the book’s author, Roald Dahl, had a sick sense of humor and snozzberries have been dicks all along. Yes, snozzberries are dicks, and Charlie and his grandpa were licking dick-flavored wallpaper.

  • William Hamilton

    “He explains that the candyman Wonka represents Jesus,” Somehow, I don’t think that was the intent of the Jewish producers, Directors, and especially the Jewish actors of this film. Oy vay!

  • coram nobis

    So, what messages did God send with the Three Stooges films?

  • Grumpy Old Man
  • WitlessProtection

    It just goes to show that the whole Jesus thing is a made up story…

  • AaronD12

    Yeah! And Harry Potter is the centralized Jesus character in that story with Hermine as Mary Magdeline, etc……. you can rearrange nearly ANY story into a biblical story if you try hard enough.

  • Brianna LaPoint

    I dont know, Willy wonka seems to have more of a Buddhist feel to it. Even if it doesnt, i consider it a classic. (Side note: stop seeing Christian symbology in good movies groans)