Pastor Bad Wig: Mar-A-Lago Was Spared By Hurricane Irma Because Trump Is Under God’s Protection [VIDEO]

Kyle Mantyla reports at Right Wing Watch:

Right-wing preacher Lance Wallnau streamed a video on Periscope yesterday in which he blasted the “knucklehead bloggers” who dared to mock his claim that his prayer changed the course of Hurricane Irma and suggested that the storm didn’t damage any of President Trump’s properties in Florida because he is protected by God.

“I’ve got these knucklehead bloggers that watch me and always make fun of me,” he said. “They were crazy last week over the hurricane. They kept saying, ‘He thinks his prayers with 5,000 people influenced the direction of the hurricane.’ Well, I’ll tell you what, I believe our prayers, along with everybody else’s, did influence the direction of the hurricane.”


PREVIOUSLY ON JMG: Wallnau releases the “Jezebel spirit” on Robert Mueller. Wallnau prays to protect Trump from witches, jinxes, and demons that jump into dogs. Wallnau prays for God to “unleash his holy sword” and smite Trump’s enemies. Wallnau claims angels literally dusted his face with gold flakes as a reward for loving Trump. Wallnau prays away obstruction of justice charges against Trump in the name of Jesus. Wallnau claims a gay bar owner was “cured of homosexuality” after eating a slice of anointed cake.

  • The_Wretched

    I guess the christian Caribbean islanders don’t pray hard enough?

    • LovesIrony

      I voodooed em

    • Tulle Christensen

      Too many brown people on them there islands for God to bother to help

      • Todd20036

        They have voodoo
        They have hoodoo
        They’ve got things they haven’t tried….
        ANd they have friends on the other side.

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    • Longpole

      Nor did the wealthy folks in Naples, Fla. But their money will protect them.

      • boatboy_srq

        Naples, Longboat, St. Pete Beach,…

        In his defense he probably lumps them among the West Coast Elites and is too geography-challenged to understand his mistake.

    • Nowhereman

      Oh he’d probably blame that on teh gay….

    • Goodboy

      Actually he took Bill Mayer out of context. Saying it’s proof that there’s no God because he spared Trumps two properties was simply meant as a joke. Something these charlatans never understand.

    • Steverino

      “American exceptionalism.” Translation: none of the rest of the world fucking matters.

  • Tulle Christensen

    OK Maria, you know what to do now, but please only damage Mar-A-Lago

    • Hank

      During Irma, I was getting warnings of tornados, here in FTL and throughout Broward County. They were brief and gone before, the notices arrived, which is not uncommon. Perhaps a Mar-A-Lago “touchdown” is in order!!!

    • lattebud

      I would rather see a sinkhole. Much more expensive and difficult to rebuild.

      • BudClark

        But they used to be filled with clear, cold, blue water, and were fun to swim in, like Blue Sink outside Tallahassee.

  • Frostbite

    Guess Trump won’t need to be filing that insurance claim now will he?

    • BuckyB12

      Says who? Says who?

      • LovesIrony

        lots of people, some to the best people.

  • IAMBOWLINGGREEN

    That protection must also apply to the gayer parts of Key West. Including Joe’s Island House, which seems to have sustained minor damage.. but will soon be back open for business.

    https://www.advocate.com/travel/2017/9/12/key-wests-most-famous-gay-resort-fixable-after-irma

    • Todd20036

      And also to Miami and Fort Lauderdale.

  • Bad Tom

    Wasn’t Trump’s mansion in St. Martin flattened?

    If God had protected THAT while the rest of the island was demolished, it would have been impressive.

    What was the damage AROUND Mar-A-Lago?

    • Tulle Christensen

      Does not count, Trump was trying to sell it at the time. I guess now he is trying to sell a pile of rubble

      • boatboy_srq

        Just replace “sell” with “file insurance claim.” Same thing in Lord Dampnut’s ledger.

      • Steverino

        For a pile of rubles.

      • Bad Tom

        Lot for development.
        Just that it costs the same as if there were a mansion on it.
        Also, new buyer has to do cleanup.

    • Librarykid

      Is that the one he’s been trying to unload for some time?If it was totaled would insurance only pay the owner to rebuild or just payout and take the loss?

      • Bad Tom

        Yes, it was!
        And I have no idea how his insurance policy for that property was written. I wonder if he bothered to pay the premiums? If not, even the President isn’t gonna get an insurance company to cough up.

  • shellback

    As a trump supporter, you are a FUCKING NAZI.

    • Uncle Mark

      Excuuuse me, but that’s GAWD’S FUCKING NAZI to you !!

    • Goodboy

      Many Nazi’s see themselves as Christians.

      • Steverino

        “Gott Mit Uns.”

  • mikeinftl

    Couldn’t the angels have brought him a better wig?

  • Friday

    So, he’s taking credit for all the death and destruction and thinking it’s some miracle that Trump bought a house that happens to be built like a fortress? (You know he didn’t build it, that way. 🙂 )

  • barrixines
    • Bluto

      That aircraft did him a favor.

      • AmeriCanadian

        Yes, he actually looks better without the rug. Too bad many guys can’t see this about themselves. Natural is sexy!

        • Mike_in_the_Tundra

          I’m actually turned on by bald heads. I do prefer a little fur on chests.

          • Todd20036

            When I started to lose the hair on the top of my head, I realized that unless I wanted “donut head” I was either going to have to do the toupee’ thing or cut my hair so short the remaining hair on the top of my head would be the longest.

            I opted for the latter.

          • BudClark

            I’ll “forgive” a “bear belly” if it’s HAIRY!

        • Goodboy

          I understand that but going bald is something I still fear.

          • Bluto

            You can’t fight Mother Nature. Besides, bald is sexy hot.

          • AmeriCanadian

            I get that. I’m in my early 50’s with all of my hair and it makes me nervous to think that I will eventually lose it. My husband is more than 50% bald and he has the confidence that I can only hope I will have. He practically shaves his head (not quite) and I find it extremely sexy. He wouldn’t dream of getting hair plugs or wearing a toupée and I am very thankful.

      • Uncle Mark

        He actually looks better without it

        • The_Wretched

          I feel the same about the majority of ‘enhancements’ people go for.

    • Treant

      It’s the natural environment of the Human Hair Bat. Which just said, “nope, nope, nope…”

  • Christopher
    • Uncle Mark

      Make THEM leave first !! They don’t even know nor care how to take care of the planet in the first place

      • Christopher

        Meh, I’m over this place. I’d rather go check out the other side of the galaxy for a while.

  • Hank
    • Tulle Christensen

      My electric company is closing the coal fire plant that is only 13 years old because “it is not cost effective to run”

    • The_Wretched

      The Trump admin is cartoon villainy. The facts don’t matter. Knee-jerk thinking that ossified back in the 50s-80s and ‘pissing off the libruls’ is the sum total of the policy. Bullying old white men who are insulated from reality and the consequences of their decisions are running the show.

      • Steverino

        Yes, there is no “conservative movement” anymore. It is just anti-liberal trolling.

    • Treant

      This is coal country and our primary energy source is…nuclear. Leading to us being the 32nd largest carbon dioxide emitting state, but the 3rd largest in terms of energy generation (that because we’re pretty big and it gets damned cold here in winter).

      Solar and wind are both on the rise.

      ETA: Linky for PA: https://www.eia.gov/electricity/state/pennsylvania/index.php

  • geoffalnutt

    What does it mean when they haul Trump off to jail?

    • justme

      Alot of sheep gave up their testicles for that hair!!

  • Ninja0980

    He is aware everything else around Mar A Largo survived too right?

  • Tor

    You can believe anything you want. That doesn’t make it true.

  • olandp

    He prayed for hair, God said, “NO!” so he went out and bought some. Sounds like blasphemy to me.

  • vorpal 😼

    It must be fascinating to live in a reality where science is clearly a liberal conspiracy but you can without a doubt move natural disasters by talking to yourself.

    • JWC

      good morning

      • vorpal 😼

        Good morning to you, JWC! (It’s afternoon here now, but ha – I slept in until 11:00 and just ate breakfast, so it may as well be morning here :D.)

        Got any big plans for the day? Here it is Chilean Independence Day, which turns into three days of vacation where you are almost by law obligated to stay drunk. The festivities kick off in a few hours here on the diplomatic compound with a giant potluck, ridiculous amounts of alcohol, and a bouncy castle.

        (The kids get to use the bouncy castle until bedtime, when the adults are drunk enough to really enjoy it!)

        • JWC

          Heheh enjoy and I don ‘t know spanish so what would a be appropriate to “happy Independence”

          • vorpal 😼

            We just say, “Feliz dieciocho de septiembre!”

          • JWC

            Well then “feliz dieciocho de septiembre” and bottoms up ( drinks I mean)

        • Robincho

          Que tengas un buen día, mi gatito!…

          • vorpal 😼

            Muchas gracias, querido amigo!

    • WitlessProtection

      What is clearly astonishing is that these people believe that a 900 year old man, built a tiny little boat to hold two of every animal on earth, then lived aboard that boat for more than 40 days and 40 nights, none of the animals ate each other, none of them died, there was no shit to clean up, and then came to rest close to where they originated from, that family then repopulated the entire earth; yet climate change is a hoax.

      • greenmanTN

        That story is still more believable than his wig.

    • Steverino

      Wishful and magical thinking is like that.

      • vorpal 😼

        It’s no secret to most people here that I have used a lot of dissociative anaesthetic drugs (think ketamine, PCP, and other similar chemicals). One of the primary effects of these drugs is severely altered magical thinking, so I think I have experienced how the brains of the very religious work.

        That being said, while it’s fun to visit such mindsets on occasion for a short time, I cannot imagine going through life continuously in a delusional state like that. I wonder if dissociatives would make these people normal.

  • JWC

    yup here it is Monday and he is still bat shit crazy

  • justme
  • Bluto

    Well praise jeebie for fucking over the west coast of FL instead of the east coast.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cf63d2d6a3718692f7cb0f9abd648e77994ae8f0559edb289369910d676aea1a.jpg

    • Goodboy

      God simply over extended himself answering football and lost key prayers.

      • ted-

        But, of course… Puny god.

  • Texndoc

    When is Joe going to go from Pastor Bad Wig to Milo Fake Teeth? He wants to promote Berkeley on Instagram and people just want to talk about his new chompers which are ridiculous and some cosmetic dentist is howling to the bank 🙂 https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/90e7c1b6af1e6c08393c047a8395e26b72906969f5d12aca56e187f4f063a383.gif

    • barrixines
    • Treant

      I know, right? I had mine whitened (they were badly fluoride marked), but the dentist and I stopped at a hue that’s well within human normal white.

      • Texndoc

        I hate fake teeth. I’m over 45 and so are my teeth. I deal. Milo won’t grow up and it bothers him more than Patsy.
        Bill Maher: “What are you? 33?”
        Milo: “Forever 27.”

      • fuzzybits

        Teeth aren’t supposed to look like chiclets.

        • Treant

          So the dentist warned me, with horror stories of patients who demanded ridiculously white teeth. One was a lawyer; the “beauty” photo was anything but.

          They looked huge because nothing should ever be that white except snow.

          • fuzzybits

            I use the whitening trays at home. The last time I went to have a cleaning I told the dentist I used them last Dec. He said I could wait until this Dec. to do it again.

          • Treant

            So far, so good. I’m about 20 years from my (permanent) whitening and my teeth still look great.

          • BudClark

            Anybody have experience with dental implants? We MAY get them if California goes single payer … it will include, eyes, teeth, etc.

          • Treant

            My mother has two and loves them. So far, they were a bit uncomfortable to get, including bone reconstruction that she required. But they’re otherwise excellent.

          • Goodboy

            Those are veneers. Teeth whitening by itself could never produce that.

          • Treant

            You’d be surprised what a professional bleach can do. No, seriously, the lawyer in question had nothing but bleaching.

            Milo and the guy pictured on this thread definitely have veneers. I’m surprised they’re actually MADE in that hue since it doesn’t speak well for the company!

  • TexasBoy

    Since Disney World was also spared major damage (mostly landscaping) does that mean God approves of Gay Days?

    • Christopher

      Clearly!

      And apparently is a job creator for the gay/immigrant landscapers.

    • Treant

      And people in bright costumes. Fairy princesses. And large rollercoasters.

      God likes flash.

  • Tatonka

    Also, God apparently wanted for all those people from Miami to Tampa to go fuck themselves.

  • bkmn

    End the tax exemption for religious orgs now

  • Tatonka

    I’m having one of those moments when I long for the Old Testament god to come back around and smite these assholes who claim to speak for Her into a greasy smear.

  • Uncle Mark

    I’m more inclined to think that farts from 5000 would affect the path of Irma more than the prayers of his 5000 sheep

  • Jefe5084

    Walnut

  • Nowhereman

    These guys really need to be rounded up for a psych evaluation. They are freaking nuts, and they are dangerous.

    • The_Wretched

      When your bread and butter is peddling magical thinking, dangerous ‘unintended consequences’ are expected.

    • BJORN RAGNVALDR

      You get a 5150! You get a 5150! You get a 5150!

  • coram nobis

    Maria is on her way.

  • Treant

    How will you solve a problem like Maria?

    • WitlessProtection

      PACK YER SHIT AND RUN!

    • Tawreos

      Send her to be a governess of some guys kids and steal auto parts from the Nazi’s. Problem solved.

      • Treant

        “Forgive us, Mother, for we have sinned.” (Shows stolen auto parts).

        “Shit, girls, run and pack, we’re fucked. They’ll toss our asses in a camp.”

        (The Way It Should Have Happened)

        • Tawreos

          I like Family Guys Take on it where one of the nuns comes back with a Nazis head talking about we didn’t start this war, but it is on.

          • Treant

            That. Was. Hysterical.

    • bambinoitaliano

      This Maria is going to make many cry instead.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    OT but the St. Louis PD were not just assholes last night for chanting that the streets were there’s but now they are tweeting out the personal information of those arrested.

    https://twitter.com/SLMPD/status/909198129999749120

    • Clive Johnson

      Offensive and disgusting.

      Advocates of a police state will cheer this on. Opponents should demand sweeping police reforms, civilian review boards, etc.

      • Lizard

        “Advocates of a police state will cheer this on…”

        …while proclaiming it’s actually the liberals who want a police state. Sigh.

    • The_Wretched

      The cops going all thug and abuse will not calm the unrest. It’s amazing the protests are as peaceful as they are in the face of all the provocation from the cops. This. is. not. policing.

  • Macbill

    Key West was saved, too, so God loves the gays.

  • edrex
    • The_Wretched

      It’s good to confirm even the ‘well, duh.’ stuff. Religions’ primary line is nothing makes sense so do vodoo to appease the god(s) and be afraid, very very afraid.

      • edrex

        it explains a lot.

    • Rebecca Gardner

      Fear is the cornerstone of religion. It does not work without fear.

      You’re gonna die someday. If you don’t listen to me you will burn in Hell for all eternity! Fear! Fear! Fear!

      • Treant

        Personally, I plan on being immortal…for as long as I live.

      • fuzzybits

        And they start with the kids. Or else it’s old people eating cat food and sending their dollars in.

      • bambinoitaliano

        Religious institution is the largest insurance company that does not payout anything but scare mongering.

      • greenmanTN

        No one here gets out alive so selling boogedy-boogedy afterlives is an easy sell.

  • fuzzybits

    Hey Joe,you knucklehead blogger! 😛

  • fuzzybits

    I’ve just recently went on periscope and have seen this nutcase. People are on there raving about him. Not sure how often I’ll go on there,it’s just another cesspool of the internet.

  • Dubito et cogitare

    Irma also spared the many sex clubs in southeast Florida. Was he praying for them, too?

    • Tawreos

      He was paying…I mean praying in them

      • Jerry Kott

        or preying in them.

        They know how to prey but know nothing about praying.

  • fuzzybits
  • Lizard

    I guess the elderly people who died due to lack of AC in the wake of the hurricane pissed God off?

  • David

    He means Moloch.

  • Gregory Peterson

    The whole town was apparently spared from major damage, but was not spared from any damage. Expensive landscaping was damaged as well as minor damages to structure itself.

  • Natty Enquirer

    Who is the dwarf that he’s complaining to?

  • HappyDance904

    My house was spared….not a single shingle that was replaced after Matthew blew off…I guess I have God on my side too???

  • BudClark

    “Doctor” of … SCATOLOGY?

    From Liver-Tea “University?”

    Mar-A-Leggo was spared because (1) there is no “gawd,” and (2) hurricanes don’t have very good aim.

  • Galvestonian

    When did they start giving doctorates in Bull-Shittery ???

  • eyefidelity

    Let’s boil that Lance, perhaps in an extra-large stock pot in the Mar-A-Lago kitchen….

  • pete

    so was all of miami, ft lauderdale. and ft lauderdale is a haven for gays! :O