TOLEDO: Tongues-Speaking Prophetess Opal Covey Loses Mayoral Race, God To Destroy City As Punishment

Two weeks ago “prophetess” Opal Covey warned that God will do to Toledo what he just did to Houston if she doesn’t win the mayoral primary.

“It’s overdue! The judgment has been upon Toledo for a long time. God sends a prophet like me, saying, ‘Let this city go! This city is mine!’ And I’ve told them what God wants to do and they have rejected it! Ah see-ah a ma ma man asha tay-yah! Know that I am a vengeful God and I will destroy you for disobedience!”

Uh oh.

The Toledo Blade reports:

Incumbent Mayor Paula Hicks-Hudson declared victory in Toledo’s mayoral primary race Tuesday night, but added her campaign still has a lot to do if she is to defeat Wade Kapszukiewicz in the general election.

With elections officials reporting all votes counted, the endorsed Democrat had 9,686 votes, to 8,350 votes for Mr. Kapszukiewicz, a fellow Democrat and Lucas County Treasurer. Endorsed Republican Councilman Tom Waniewski came in third with 6,659 votes. Self-proclaimed Prophetess Opal Covey tallied 199 votes.

Ms. Covey, 77, has run five times before and has never received more than 1 percent of the vote. Deputies escorted her out of the Early Vote Center Tuesday night after she was asked to be quiet.

After her previous loss, Covey declared that she would no longer stop God from destroying Toledo, as he told her he would if she was not elected. “God has already told me if I wasn’t on that seat this time, that destruction is gonna come. And I’m standing back and I’m gonna let it happen.”

Several years ago Covey spent ten days in jail on animal cruelty charges related to her now-closed pet shop.
(Tipped by JMG reader Sashine)

  • bkmn

    I know its not nice to make fun of the mentally impaired but somehow it feels appropriate for her.

    • Todd20036

      Mentally impaired due to a disability or accident should not be made fun of.
      Mentally impaired due to willful acceptance of religion, should DEFINITELY be made fun of.

      • Chucktech

        Mocked. With the greatest scorn and derision.

      • Christopher

        “Mentally impaired due to a disability or accident should not be made fun of.”

        In most cases this is true.

        However I’m a sick fuck and have twisted friends. (Like this is news to anyone here.)

        One of them was in a horrendous car accident years ago with severe head trauma. He’s never gonna be the way he was, and he knows it. So we like to people watch and point out “the Normies” who act like they’re head injury cases. The more disturbing the comments, the harder he laughs.

        It’s like going to the VA and the soldiers are cracking dismemberment jokes. You REALLY want to laugh? Go listen to the jokes cancer patients tell. Holy shit! And you all think I’m not right in the noggin.?!

        I truly believe that there’s humour to be found in EVERY situation. And I mean every situation. Timing, and knowing your crowd, are really the keys.

        • Lizard

          If you want proof, talk to a trauma surgeon, ER nurse, or EMT. Most have sick senses of humor because it’s how they deal with the horrors of the job.

        • vorpal 😼

          Yup, this. As someone with a nasty case of Crohn’s Disease and a good number of friends also with IBD, IBS, or other autoimmune disorders, you have to be able to make dark jokes about these things to stay sane.

      • zhera

        Speaking of the religious cray cray, have we heard anything from the third beagle of the catocalypse? Would’ve thought he’d have a lot to say about the recent weather…

        • Beagle

          Ah, yes, the cousin we, um, don’t like to talk about. No idea.

        • Dagoril

          I fear his warehouse may have been flooded.

    • Treant

      She’s been found guilty of animal cruelty. Any funmaking goes.

  • Todd20036

    You know, in some cities, she’d win by excreting that loose stool from her mouth.

  • kareemachan

    But, but, but…. she doesn’t have a sceptor. What can she do without a sceptor?…

    • Bad Tom

      No. Smiting. Allowed.
      Bless her heart.

    • Treant

      It’s her rod and her staff, and they don’t comfort people.

      • Bad Tom

        They make Deputies escort her off the premises.

      • Chucktech

        Yes, but she’s rodless and staffless. Must suck for her.

    • Uncle Mark

      She can stop a clock with her face…ramming it into the offending clock to stop it, if staring at it doesn’t work…tada or praise Jeebus (whatever they say after a magic act)

  • Bad Tom

    Trump thinks the DOJ is his personal hit squad.
    Opal Covey thinks God is her personal hit squad.

    Thank the Goddess neither is true.

  • Chucktech

    Deputies escorted her out of the Early Vote Center Tuesday night after she was asked to be quiet.

    All snark aside, it really is a pity that this obviously deluded woman does not / can not get the care and treatment she so desperately needs.

    • james1200

      If this kind of religious mania is considered mental illness, we’ll have to lock up 20% of our population (which I’m ok with…perhaps Texas can be their prison colony.)

      • Chucktech

        Works for me…

      • Joseph Miceli

        I waited on some people from Austin the other night. I told them, when Texas secedes from the Union, Austin will be the new “Berlin.”
        They were amused. 🙂

        • Diane Sloan

          Joseph, the big cities in Texas are all blue – Dallas, Houston, Austin, San Antonio, and El Paso. Dallas is deeper blue even than Austin! I always feel I have to stand up for my city. The state has changed, thank goodness, and there are more Democrats than ever.

          • Chucktech

            I appreciate the tough spot of defending the indefensible. So blue, yet look at your legislature.

          • Ninja0980

            Gerrymandering is a *$#(, let me tell you.

          • JenniferRGonzales

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          • Lizard

            Same boat here in Georgia. 45% of the state voted for Hillary and the 2016 country electoral map was a sea of red with five distinct blue dots: Atlanta, Athens, Savannah, Augusta, and Albany.

          • Joseph Miceli

            Yet we still get Louie Gohmert, Ted Cruz and Gregg Abbott. Better start the lawsuits over the gerrymandering NOW! 2018 is up next and 2020 is around the corner.

      • vorpal 😼

        About 30% of Americans (according to Wikipedia and linked sources) believe the bible is inerrant fact.

        This is why we can’t have nice things.

        • Dave F.

          And why advanced aliens with the cures for all our diseases and amazing technology to solve all our problems have posted warning beacons all around our solar system and refuse to visit. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/12ed3d1cdcaa8217bbcd7bb6bd209030a00e3a32a12c2116b6f26adc1c2f6535.jpg

          • vorpal 😼

            At least based on her track record, if the aliens asked to be taken to our leader, nobody would ever think to bring them by Opal’s house.

          • CriticalDragon1177

            That’s because its doubtful that she’ll ever be our “leader”

          • vorpal 😼

            In Opal’s mind, she’s already Trump’s #4 and sitting next to him on the Iron Throne*.

            * gold-plated

          • Dave F.

            Maybe they abducted her, and she became swim bramaged from the anal probe.

      • Paula

        Make it East Texas. They would be welcome with open arms.
        I’m thinking Oklahoma might work better.

      • Pollgera

        I’m in Texas – and yes our big cities ARE Blue. It’s the gerrymandering with the rural areas that are so red it’s painful, that is killing us here.

      • ted-

        Holy shit! That’s a friggin GREAT idea! I love it!

        When can we have this plan set in motion. I’ll help!

    • Xiao Ai: The Social Gadfly

      She’s delusional, but it’s from brainwashing. And, that ain’t covered.

      • vorpal 😼

        I’m not convinced there was ever anything to wash.

    • MT YVR

      It’s what bothers me the most. I don’t care about religion, defending it or demonizing it. What creeps me out is not that it produces people like this one. It’s that people like this woman run around in front of other people and no one does anything.

      Clearly there are people of her faith. And they haven’t once said, “Hey, wait… y’all might need a bit of a sit down and maybe a talk with a doc here.” Nope. More than one person just… let it go. THAT is seriously fucked up.

      • Christopher Hall

        Totally agree, their silence is DEAFENING.

    • VodkaAndPolitics

      I have relatives with Bi-Polar disorder, and they sound just like this woman when they’re in manic states. As a family, we take them to the doctor at the first signs of it.

    • TheManicMechanic

      I read “care” in this instance as “rubber room.”

      • Chucktech

        That just may be the level of “care” she needs.

    • Old Top Kick

      Sadly, the DSM provides an exception for religious fervor. Unless she asks for help, nothing can be done.

  • kirby7771

    Too funny. This crazy old bat got 199 votes!

    • Treant

      Mr. Magoo and other visually impaired people like me. Folks who weren’t paying attention. Ones who let their three year old vote, and said child can’t read.

  • Tawreos

    There at least 199 idiots in Toledo, I am sure there are more, but these ones announced it themselves.

    • BJORN RAGNVALDR

      There are more, way more….

    • The_Wretched

      Maybe they just like opals? I have a sister who is mad about them and minerals. Opals aren’t a rock.

      • Palmer

        Opals are a crypto-crystalline mineraloid.

        • Chucktech

          Tis the devil’s gemstone…

    • Lizard

      Considering this is her fifth defeat, she’s probably the protest vote at this point. “Eh, I just wanted to vote for the school board race. Mayor? Opal Covey is running again? Why the hell not.”

      • Nowhereman

        The Jill Stein of Toledo.

  • HZ81

    If dire predictions are part of your schtick, you should really move to Florida or Tornado Alley.

  • james1200

    Yes, the town is going to be destroyed in an apocalyptic firestorm, however, she won’t be mayor so…

    https://media.giphy.com/media/eVh9uXk3aC6m4/giphy.gif

  • kelven

    Ooo Eee Ooo Ah Ah Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang!

    • Bluto
      • Paula

        Opal’s parents?

      • Christopher

        “Hate it when that happens.”

    • Paula

      I know a ditty, nutty as a fruitcake
      Goofy as a goon and silly as a loon
      Some call it pretty, others call it crazy
      But they all sing this tune:

      Mairzy doats And dozy doats
      And liddle lamzy divey
      A kiddley divey too, wouldn’t you?

      Yes! Mairzy doats And Dozy Doats
      And liddle lamzy divey
      A kiddley divey too, wouldn’t you?

      If the words sound queer and funny to your ear,
      A little bit jumbled and jivey,
      Sing “Mares eat oats and does eat oats
      And little lambs eat ivy”

      Oh! mairzy doats and dozy doats
      And liddle lamzy divey
      A kiddley divey too, wouldn’t you – oo?
      A kiddley divey too, wouldn’t you?

  • Christopher
  • Jerry Kott

    That is what you call functional insanity. Very Florence Foster Jenkins.

    • Chucktech

      I dunno, the condition of her living space might enter into that diagnosis…

      • Jerry Kott

        Have you seen her living space? She is a sad work . However she could get a job in T45’s White House . She resembles what Sarah Huckabiily Sanders could look like in a few years

        • Chucktech

          Yeah, um, no. I’ll take your word for it.

  • Uncle Mark

    I don’t recall any prophet being elected to rule anywhere in the Bible. Most prophets didn’t seek to rule, and those that did usually took cities by force. Where’s your army?

    • Treant

      Jericho sort of comes to mind, in part, at least.

      • Uncle Mark

        That wall did keep the Mexicans out…praise Trump-luvin’ Jeebus. /s

    • KCMC

      Judges, few in OT.

  • Chucktech

    “God has already told me if I wasn’t on that seat this time, that destruction is gonna come. And I’m standing back and I’m gonna let it happen.”

    Yeah, you do that. Actually, tell your false dead god to bring it.

    • Lizard

      He did. He hit Texas and the entire Southeast instead. God has really shitty aim.

      ETA: And yes I will make a joke about Irma, considering I’m writing this from B&N because there’s still no power at my house.

    • Nowhereman

      In fact, tell your false god to come on down to city hall and say it to our faces! Why does this all-powerful all knowing god have to hide behind fruitcakes and grifters?

  • Jeffg166

    Any day now, any day. Just you wait Toledo.

    • Reality.Bites

      So much better than Where’s Waldo.

  • Pip

    She needs to stop listening to whatever voice it is that tells her to do her eyebrows that way.

  • Jonathan Smith
    • Treant

      I was always a little hot for him when he dressed cisgender. Black hair and furry chest does it for me, though.

      • Jonathan Smith

        you are a strange, strange man………
        i LIKE that

  • PickyPecker

    I would have voted for Opal if she had the Rhubarb Lady on her ticket.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDKuWphUaWI

    • Lizard

      Hey now. Rhubarb is awesome.

    • Uncle Mark

      Rhubarb Lady for Treasury !!

      • Pip

        Department of Agriculture, actually.

        • That_Looks_Delicious

          No, she has experience in that. Trump only appoints people to departments where they have no fucking clue what’s going on.

          • Pip

            Good point! But she does mishandle agricultural things and hates abiding by crop laws. So does that qualify her?

    • Joseph Miceli

      That is an AWESOME ticket! The “Fuck YOU, You’re Going to Hell” party!

      • Lizard

        I thought Trump/Pence already used that slogan.

    • Jeffrey

      Omg yes

    • Jeffrey

      When your neighborhood is a John Waters movie

      • Oh, Parker

        I actually spit Coke on that one.

        • Jeffrey

          You know that’s just Mink Stole yelling at Divine over the fence.

    • vorpal 😼

      Along with everybody’s favourite God Warrior.
      There seems to be a common type here.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuAvRCSWu8I&t=44s

      • Joseph Miceli

        Amazing. She’s mentally ill and she’s also stupid. What a combo.
        Thorazine might be a good idea.

      • Clive Johnson

        That makes me think. I should start a political party called Dark Sider. Its political ads will feature dark ambient music and images of children congregating around satanic statues.

    • Xiao Ai: The Social Gadfly

      I think I wet myself!!! 😆

    • William

      Such a cheerful woman.

    • William

      http://www.cracked.com/blog/9-failed-attempts-to-interview-viral-video-villain/

      Felix Clay: Ms. Janice Gaynor? I’m from Rhubarb Fancy magazine, and we’d like to feature you as next month’s centerfold model.

      Janice Gaynor: Oh, for fuck’s sake, buddy.

    • jerry

      Yes, that’s always the first thing that comes to my mind when there’s a new Opal story…Rhubarb Lady!

      • vorpal 😼

        Has anyone seem them together in the same room?
        =eyebrow raises=

  • Uncle Mark

    “And Gawd will smite this city of sinners…wiping it off the map, just as He wiped the eyebrows right off my face. Be warned or be ugly.”

  • Publius
  • SLK in SF

    WHY NO ‘GET THE NET’ TAG FOR THIS FINE LADY?

  • BJORN RAGNVALDR
  • David

    Hey Opal, maybe ask Jesus if he could send a hard rain since you’re obviously not going to power wash your siding. Forget Toledo, look at the state of your porch woman!

    • Treant

      SCORE!

    • Andymac3

      You think her sidings are bad, have you seen the state of her drawers?

      • Brian

        Thanks a lot. You just killed it for me for the next month.

      • Scott Carpenter

        I’m sure it’s much like the other drawers of her state. We are talking about Kansas after all.

  • safari

    God can’t get her elected?

    • Pip

      Nope. Satan was in the hearts of the voters, so she lost.

    • Rex

      He’s got a lot on his plate these days, your city will be destroyed in the order it was prayed for.

      • Lizard

        Take a prayer number. God will send a hurricane as soon as He is available.

    • Andymac3

      God isn’t a citizen, he can’t vote.

  • Rex

    God needs to start the destruction in Opal’s house, specifically with her make-up case. It’s an abomination.

    • safari

      Her eyebrows serve as a warning to others.

  • CanuckDon

    “God will do to Toledo what he just did to Houston if she doesn’t win the mayoral primary”

    Holy Toledo….the waters of Lake Erie are gonna rise up and tsunami its southern shoreline!

  • Gustav2

    Gawd will punish you and turn your drinking water green!
    (Oh wait, that has already happened) https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b8747a1910e2f0b9825a7ba6594c2ee4ca64278cbc9487347bc566d6cb5c2e3e.jpg

  • Jonathan Smith
  • Max_1
    • Jonathan Smith

      and…….you win the internet……

    • Reality.Bites

      A friend’s comment – That’s me when I don’t want to tell a friend I’ve already heard the movie news he’s dying to share with me.

  • SammySeattle

    God wants her to take some soapy water and a scrub brush to that aluminum siding.

  • Tom G

    199 votes. Who are those idiots?

    • Reality.Bites

      Eany-meany-miney-mo voters? Or None-of-the-above voters.

    • bambinoitaliano

      Related cousins from in house spawning of 3 generations.

  • JDS
  • Nowhereman

    Seriously, why isn’t this considered a mental illness?

    • Reality.Bites

      It is. But there are no laws preventing people from running for office on those grounds.

      She’s far from being the craziest person walking around.

  • kelven

    There are matters in the Bible, said to be done by the express commandment of God, that are shocking to humanity and to every idea we have of moral justice. – Thomas Paine

  • Lazycrockett

    meh Toledo.

    • safari

      Leading to the great Michigan/Ohio war.

  • Mrs. Councillor Nugent
    • PickyPecker

      I have a very nice copy of this El Greco painting above the fireplace mantle in the music room. Is a wonderful study in purples and greens.

      • Mrs. Councillor Nugent

        I like his work so much that the religious content doesn’t faze me a bit

  • BeaverTales

    200 votes? Sadly, her brand of Christianity is becoming more mainstream.

  • Dan M

    she looks like a madam from Sodom or Gomorrah

    • motordog

      Sodom AND Gomorrah would have kicked her out, no doubt. No one want’s that kind of wet blanket around.

  • Paula

    Surely, there is a dementia unit with an empty bed, somewhere in Toledo.

    • Hank

      I was thinking of a Schizo-affective unit, as she probably hears voices as well as speaks in tongues!!!

    • RoFaWh

      Poll: Does she actually believe the sewage that flows so freely from her lips?

  • TexasBoy

    God’s gonna send a hurricane to Toledo? Holy Toledo!

  • bambinoitaliano

    Give me what I ask for or I’ll have my god destroy you! NRA is so glad the sky fairy is not real. A free weapon of mass destruction would have decimated NRA and Military Industrial Complex businesses in a second.

  • Tor

    O/T. Remember there was a time when people with names like Kapszukiewicz and Waniewski were shunned, couldn’t find decent work or housing, were pushed into ethnic neighborhoods, let alone run for mayor of a large city.

  • Jeffrey

    Oh poor Delta Burke

    • Treant

      If Gerald McRaney were 20-30 years younger, that would be a good thing.

      • Silver Badger

        If many of us here were 20 – 30 years younger, myself included, it would be a wonderful thing.

        • Treant

          Yeah, I wouldn’t mind taking off 20–pounds and years–myself.

          • Brian Burleson

            I’ll gladly take the weight from you. The years, not so much. Three years ago the doctor asked me to work on gaining some weight, she suggested 25 pounds. Since then I have lost another 10. All I can do is try.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    Holy Toledo!

  • bambinoitaliano

    Shud up Opal! Don’t make me summon Beetlejuice to shave your head.

  • Talisman

    Let me know when that hurricane forms in Lake Erie.

  • coram nobis

    God doesn’t keep hurricanes in the Great Lakes region, nor F5 tornadoes out-of-season.

    • safari

      I can’t speak to Toledo, but Michigan hasn’t had an F5 since the 60s nor an F4 since the 70s.

      • coram nobis

        They’re freak disasters. Like Hurricane Opal.

        • bambinoitaliano

          If you call those vile spits coming out of her mouth hurricane.

      • bambinoitaliano

        Shush! Don’t you know god can hear that?!

    • bambinoitaliano

      It’s almost festive and award seasons. God is too busy prepping to receive his praise from those he selected to hear from.

      • Talisman

        He is busy vetting football teams so he knows which pre-game prayers to answer.

        • bambinoitaliano

          And baseball too.

  • Ninja0980

    Someone needs the men in white coats to take her away for a nice long rest.

  • Natty Enquirer

    I refuse to let someone like Covey off the hook as a harmless kook. Telling people “obey me or be destroyed” is practically the definition of abusive and antisocial behavior. Let her be shunned and not merely patted on the head.

    • Lizard

      True, but that might depend on the person saying it. If a 2-year-old said “Obey me or be destroyed,” you’d probably chuckle and have a gentle talk with Timmy about language. Covey is no more dangerous than that 2-year-old.

    • licuado de platano

      Her behavior with the pets in her former store speaks volumes.

  • That_Looks_Delicious

    I thought she was going to leave politics behind and perform at Coachella or Burning Man.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUCnGW3Fro0

    • William

      I thought Opal was a character portrayed by Divine.

      • That_Looks_Delicious

        Andy Kaufmann. Best performance art piece evah.

        • William

          Andy could never pull off those eyebrows.

    • Tomcat

      Wasn’t she performing at burning man when that guy ran into the fire and died? Would explain his actions.

  • Christopher
  • vorpal 😼

    To some people, failure is apparently a hobby.

    • anne marie in philly

      like donald dump, for example…

    • bambinoitaliano

      As long as there is a microphone and a camera. Oh and social media.

  • IAMBOWLINGGREEN
    • Treant

      I seriously doubt those people would be left behind while the wackos get to go.

      • Mikey

        but it doesn’t really say what direction the wackos went, does it 😉

    • bambinoitaliano

      If these arseholes are going to stick around, I prefer rapture.

    • Reality.Bites

      I’m not sure about the woman – she looks mid-rapture to me.

  • William

    Opal Covey, Roy Moore and deputy/bus driver Robert Belt. Throw in the Crazy Rhubarb Lady and you have the Four Horsepersons of the Apocalypse.

    • bambinoitaliano

      Let’s round them up in the magic school bus and take a journey to funny farm. They ought to see a wizard in a land of Odd. Highly recommended.

    • RoFaWh

      ITYM “Crapocalypse”.

    • motordog

      What about the Third Eagle?

      • William

        He’s providing air support.

  • Tomcat

    Well it looks like Toledo is in for some serious prosperity. Thanks Bitch.

  • j.martindale

    Roy Moore in drag.

  • anne marie in philly

    stupid ass fucking bitch; and NOTHING will happen to Toledo.

    • Oh, Parker

      Does it ever?

  • Lazycrockett
    • Christopher

      Let me know when this guy shows up…

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6c77bc87ef0b0f696d239a3f936b671efdb016ac7f50f455ed4011778662aea1.jpg

      Because I think I may be in a different universe.

      • Silver Badger

        Please don’t hold your breath. I believe he is still dead.

        • Reality.Bites

          He won’t even be born for hundreds of years.

      • Kevin Perez

        Him or maybe Jim Cantore. When Jim Cantore shows up, kiss your ass goodbye!!

    • Treant

      What’s the catch? Hatch doesn’t do anything right unless there’s a payoff for him or a poison pill that will kill it.

      …Waidasecond, he’s planning on assuming the Presidency when the first four fall in the investigation, isn’t he? This is to gain a few points with the Democrats!

      • Gustav2

        Maybe his friends in the vitamin scam business are now going into pot?

    • Reality.Bites

      without properly delving into the weeds?

    • William

      I hope Hatch didn’t shoot his wad on this bill.

  • justme

    WHAT!!!
    No specific time and dates…
    That’s like saying one of these days it’s going to rain.
    And when it does….
    Didn’t I tell you so!!

  • justme

    Oh wait

    there’s covfefe

  • Gustav2

    OT: The U.S. government banned the use of a Russian Kaspersky brand of security software by federal agencies amid concerns the company has ties to state-sponsored cyberespionage activities.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/us-to-ban-use-of-kaspersky-software-in-federal-agencies-amid-concerns-of-russian-espionage/2017/09/13/36b717d0-989e-11e7-82e4-f1076f6d6152_story.html?utm_term=.da8e72872390

    • Tomcat

      Yet they still allow them to sell to Americans.

  • Adam Stevens

    Kid Rock/Opal Covey 2020?

    • Treant

      “Crazy squared is better than just crazy alone!”

      Although I think Kid is crude enough that it would turn into infighting and Opal eventually running on her own.

  • Tom Furgas

    199 people voted for her? Can there really be that many deranged voters in Toledo?

    • RoFaWh

      That figure tells us the approximate size of the new Toledo Nut House being planned.

  • Artsy

    What a crazy old bandicoot.

  • Mike Solo

    Just got home from long day at new job (got hired to be an engineer for Jaguar Land Rover!), and after that singing clip, I’m DEFINITELY going to the pub.

    • jmax

      Congratulations!
      Can you get me a deal on an F-Type convertible? 🙂

      • Mike Solo

        10% or so… I think… I can get 20% off!

        • jmax

          So still an arm and a leg, but at least I can keep my testicles!

    • William

      Tail fins! Tell the designers to add tail fins.

    • CharlestonDave

      Congrats! Now fix the wiring…

  • Gene Perry

    Destroying NYC, I get that. New Orleans, maybe. LA, sure. But, TOLEDO? Why bother.

    • That_Looks_Delicious

      I was gonna make a joke about “too late,” but Toledo does have a few nice areas.

      • Brian Burleson

        Where?

        • fuzzybits

          Old West End is nice.

    • Gustav2

      I would think just having The Original Tony Packo’s would be reason enough to wipe it off the face of the earth,.

      • Publius

        Now you take that back! Tony Packo’s is God’s gift to weinerkind!

    • Ken M

      Apologies if you’re from there https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqCZFT0TN2E

    • Brian Burleson

      Apparently, someone beat her to it. IIRC, Toledo was a shit hole way back when.

  • DarleenMB

    LOL. But calling her a “prophetess” is more than a bit dated. “Prophet” (in her own mind) is all the adjective you need.

    • That_Looks_Delicious

      If I remember right, Opal refers to herself as a “prophetess.” That’s her word.

      • RoFaWh

        Quite ordinary for a person driven mad by religion to be stuck in an earlier time, vocabulary-wise.

        • Brian Burleson

          Among other things.

  • Kevin Perez

    I’m a much more important and valued prephetess for God than Opal. I just got off the phone with God and we had a good laugh. I told him that just in case He was considering destroying Toledo, He shouldn’t. I am proclaiming Opal Covey overridden. May sha-ta ballay tchakka-looee ptooee.
    You’re welcome, Toledo.

  • Artsy
    • motordog

      Edie Massey was a wonderful, fun person…Opal is a sad, hateful hag.

  • Gregory In Seattle

    Her own holy scriptures are very, very clear what must be done to false prophets.

  • Cackalaquiano

    I find her condition sorta depressing

  • Blake J Butler

    I’ve only been familiar with his voice overs in the Saints Row franchise and now he is giving it to Ritchie running for senate next year.

    https://www.facebook.com/MichaelRapaportOfficial/videos/1458204437597567/

  • Ken M

    She dyed her hair, or her wig…whatever. That’s all that matters to me…: )

  • G Thomas

    Mental illness is a serious issue.

  • Andymac3

    The scary thing about Toledo mayoral elections is that they went from 65,000 people voting in 2015 general election to 25,000 people voting in primary election 2017. When the population stops engaging in the vote we end up with extremist in charge who never take a day off from crazy.

  • RJ Bone

    Congratulations on losing, Opal. We look forward to your punishment as a false prophet.

    Oh wait, your religion cherrypicks.

    • motordog

      I’m always waiting to hear about someone being refused service because they have tattoos or are wearing mixed fabrics…or just aren’t even Christian.

      • RJ Bone

        Exactly. Thing is? The big haters? They enjoy it, at the core. It’s primal. Some might do it out of fear of their peers, but for a chunk (at LEAST) it is hate for pleasure.

  • JWC

    Somebody just send this old bat another case of gin and keep her out of the news “speaking in tounges or druken blathering

    • motordog

      Mrs. Slocumb’s drink of choice, iirc.

      • JWC

        Bombay Sapphire for Martinis London Dry for Gin and Tonic Deah

        • motordog

          …and I am unanimous in that!

          • JWC

            Ms Slocombe follows a stict regime on Martinis The Bombay Sapphire is stored in the freezer section The vermouth is in a spritzer cotainer 1-2 spritz and the Martini glass is also in the freezer Ms Slocombe likes /em cold and dry

  • Jay Silversmith

    When the hurricane flood hits yer home opal, I hope it wipes out your Joan Crawford eyebrow stencils. Gawd is really pissed at those.

  • Rich

    I laugh because she’s clearly a nutjob. But then I think that there’s plenty in Congress who are almost as batshit. Or just as batshit, but they hide it better. Sometimes.

  • RoFaWh

    If only the US didn’t use secret balloting, we could start excluding the 199 crazies in Toledo from further participation in public life.

    As for dear Opal’s earlier animal cruelty charges, no surprise there.

  • Clive Johnson
  • boobert

    Come on Toledo, grow a pair and put her in charge !

  • Taylor

    Well…all things considered, Toledo would be fairly high on my list of places to destroy too…once I got finished with every fucking town in Alabama and Mississippi!

  • MB
  • boobert
  • Terance Greene

    She needs to become mayor of a grocery store stuck in a inter dimensional mist

  • CharlestonDave

    She got 199 votes?

    That must have been Opal and her 198 cats.

    • motordog

      I imagine a few hipsters and pranksters probably thought it would be funny to give her a vote. Throw in a few dozen ‘true believers’, and there you go.

  • MT YVR

    Personally she looks like a witch. Like the Christian version of them. Not like the Wiccans I know. Or the Witches I know. But like… the version that certain religions demonize and mischaracterize. She’s preeeeetty much spot on for that trope.

    I think I see a great marketing idea in the works. Masks of her for Halloween. But to avoid issues, despite using the face, we’ll call it the Babbling Brooke Mask.

    There. I’ll be rich in a day of advertising in that town, I’m sure.

  • Charlie

    “She’s the worst god-damned singer I ever heard” Worse than Florence Foster Jenkins! Someone get a net and send her to the funny farm. There’s something definitely wrong with her.

    • motordog

      As an avid fan of outsider music and ‘golden throat’ celebs, I actually quite enjoy her music. If all she did was sing, Id probably be a fan of hers. But then she stops singing, starts ‘preaching’, and it all goes to shit.

  • Robert Adams

    An omnipotent god who can’t get a damn thing done without people like Covey?

    • Jean-Marc in Canada

      They never seem to have answer for that, do they? LOL

  • rednekokie

    The only problem is that god didn’t put an ocean next to Toledo. A large lake doesn’t count, as they don’t have hurricanes. A water spout or two, perhaps, but that hardly makes a deluge.

    • Beagle

      It’s September. Blizzard and ice storm season is coming up.

  • olandp

    Do you think that Opal know we are her biggest fans?

    • Sashineb

      I wonder. I had a notion to drop her a line, but didn’t bother. 🙂

  • Halou

    “Ah see-ah a ma ma man asha tay-yah!”

    And the crowd cried “Covfefe”.

  • Dagoril

    Pet shop owner? I would have guessed real estate agent.

  • leastyebejudged

    That she gets headlines here all the time really speaks volumes about the lack of journalistic integrity you have, Joe.

    • sounds like you are judging Joe’s integrity.

  • Galvestonian

    Good for you Opal … now you just stand back and let God completely decimate Toledo … any time now, sweetie … O.K. Opal … let ‘er rip … come on, dearie … just let the Lord do his stuff … now …. ummmmm, go for it. Opal, honey are you sure that the message is getting through ? You know you just gotta concentrate … do it NOW !
    Is it crumbling, yet ? Any fire and brimstone ? Ohhhhh, I think I can smell charcoal … naaaw … just some car fumes. OPAL ! Let’s get good with God and push his buttons
    … come on, big guy … Opal needs you to keep your promise … she didn’t get elected … Ohhhhh, Opal … all I can hear is crickets and a faint breeze – maybe God don’t give a good Goddamn about you sugar babe … bless your sweet heart.

  • charemor

    What is with this idiotic “speaking in tongues”?

  • Keith D Plane

    hmmm. sharpie bitch

  • orion dumptee

    ahhha ,gee… Opal,would you consider substituting Jersey City for Toledo ?

  • JT

    Isn’t this wicked witch dead yet?

  • iambu

    Sure, why not.

    (lol “get the net”)

  • Larry in Oklahoma

    Poor Opal! Toledo won’t be destroyed. She will never win that much coveted office. She will die a loser and a bitter ole bitch.

  • TheManicMechanic

    She is a vindictive old cụnt, like so many of these worthless Christianists.

  • Dubito et cogitare

    It was nice of Stephen King to put her as the main character in his new movie.

  • normadesmond

    From the looks of her house (behind her)
    I’d say GOD already had his way with her.

  • JCF

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a367307389df75ef0c1f7cef27f0950e283485f0f5b19deb296663c5b53f7152.jpg

    Mentally ill asshole. Lock her up (in a secure facility for the criminally insane)!

  • Kevin Perez

    Hurricane Irma is right over Toledo!!! OMG!!!!! She was RIGHT!!!!!!!!

  • RJ Tremor

    I’m going to wager it’s been said, but 199 people actually voted for her. Joke votes or srsly supr srs? The world may never know, and I don’t really know if I wanna find out.

  • Timothy White

    We really need to do more about mental illness in this country.