LIVE VIDEO: Apple Unveils New $1000 iPhone

Allegedly $1000. The Verge reports:

After months of speculation and anticipation, we’re only a few moments away from Apple’s big event where the company is expected to announce the new iPhones, along with updates to the Apple Watch and Apple TV.

The spotlight is expected to be firmly on the iPhone X, a new, top-of-the-line model that’s rumored to feature the first radical redesign of Apple’s smartphone in years, ditching the home button entirely for a bigger, bezel-free, edge-to-edge OLED screen.

The new model is said to pack some new face-scanning technology that will allow you to unlock your phone merely by looking at it, as well as the long-awaited introduction of wireless charging to an Apple device.

It’s also expected to cost an eye-watering $1,000 or more. The X is rumored to be ditching the TouchID fingerprint sensor entirely, according to a recent report from The Wall Street Journal.

  • bkmn

    Phones are such a racket.

    • TuuxKabin

      And make such a racket, especially by their users.

      • Johnny Wyeknot

        Easy access porn is worth it. 😂

    • JWC

      ya if you don’t repurchase in 5 years they simply advance the system which no longer supports your phone

  • TK
  • Sam_Handwich
    • Butch

      So can I admit that I did give in and buy an international cell phone for our trip to Tahiti this last winter so that we could check in on the critters? I didn’t realize that the plus sign in the phone numbers meant that you actually had to dial a plus sign to make a call (nor did I know how to create a plus sign) and so I never succeeded in placing a call. And then (this is true) a tropical cyclone struck the island and knocked out all communications so it didn’t matter whether I knew how to dial it or not….I returned it when we got home.

  • bkmn

    I can see the wireless companies beginning to offer three year contracts to get a “free” phone

    • Jonathan Smith

      10 year contracts

      • jmax

        For a phone that will be obsolete in 5 years.

    • ETownCanuck

      That’s how it is in Canada. New iPhones are usually always around the $1000 mark up here when they’re released, so I’m assuming this one will actually be $1200 – $1400 when they start to sell them up here.

    • TheManicMechanic

      If you notice, the monthly rate never drops after you supposedly “paid” for the device. You usually have to raise a stink.

  • Furface

    WHY?? Just why!?

    • TuuxKabin

      $ & pretension.

      • Furface

        I’ve got sufficient funds to meet my needs and no use for pretension. I’ll pass, thank you.

    • Smithbc

      Because some people like it?

  • Ernest Endevor

    Where do I sign up?

    • FAEN

      An Apple Store? 😉

      • Ernest Endevor

        I mean spiritually.

  • JoeMyGod

    Right now they’re talking about how the new Apple Watch will let you stream music, which judging by the screaming is a big deal. Shrug.

    • PickyPecker

      It saddens me there are now a couple of generations of humans out there who have no concept of what sound is like coming from a decent speaker system.

      • this is the stereo i have in my bedroom.
        we like things that go boom.
        along with 2 old 70’s era big wooden cabinet speakers with JBL 12″ subs.
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9bce2fc12e6e2065203238056d7232601b6c823f9e87f720bcda45c94b99f301.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7ea07c41756376b3d01003664b37c1be7a407ccef5bd7e2faec392ef69ccb101.jpg

        • PickyPecker

          We’re a Bose household. 🙂

          • Butch

            Onkyo with Jensen and Polk Audio speakers…..

          • vorpal 😼

            I’m a whippersnapper, but I love my Grado headphones.

          • Frostbite

            I’m sorry.

        • olandp

          A Carver man, I may be in love…

          I have the Klipsch Quartet speakers with Klipsch Signature as the b speakers to go with my Carver Integrated Amp.

          • dad bought them in 1995. never been in the shop. the meter lights are out. I need to get them to a shop for a refresher, the amp cuts off randomly. but when it’s rolling, it positively slams.

          • olandp

            It is fabulous when you find the sweet spot for the Hologramic sound. Makes that home theater system sound like crap. Wish I could have bought the analog amp with vacuum tubes…

        • Clive Johnson

          I splurged during a more affluent time in my life and got two Mackie HR824 studio monitors for my music. They work great for everything else too. Everything I had listened to in the past sounded new and different–they made that much of a qualitative difference.

          • netxtown

            oh no…I can’t read through this. I just can’t……
            I have been having this odd itch to find an old HK Citation 16 or a Crown DC300 – stack it up with a soundcraftsmen pre-amp – plug in the ol turntable, whip out the 12 inchers – and disco my ass off. My audiofile days shall live again! Pump up them Cerwin Vegas!

          • TheManicMechanic

            I have the HR824 mkII monitors in my little studio. They are perfect for any kind of listening. They are brutally honest speakers, and unless you are playing something that has shitty mastering (think also Loudness War) you will hear everything as intended.

          • Clive Johnson

            What kind of music do you do?

          • TheManicMechanic

            Was mostly guitar, bass and some synths, in progressive, metal, rock and ambient genres, but I have mostly given up on playing since a nasty car accident years ago took away the dexterity in my left arm. These days I mostly tinker with existing music, like cleaning up old tape and vinyl sources, transcribing to different formats, etc. And lots and lots of listening.

        • Nic Peterson

          Classic Carver stuff! I’ve been using McIntosh equipment and I’m not sure what all the hubbub is with the products that spell the name incorrectly. The 225 amps that drive a pair of B&W 805s are almost as old as I am. A Velodyne sub makes things go boom and no, this is not a home theater system. Sonos has a suite of wireless products for the rest of the home that are second to none and the support is first class.

      • Pip

        And that life happens outside of a 5″ cellphone screen.

      • Todd20036

        Try Bose.

      • Steve Smith

        And another advantage of deafness. Saves me a lot of money, not having to listen to anything.

      • DoctorDJ

        But I’ma gonna punch in the throat the first hipster-millennial that tells me I’ve gotta be listening to my music on vinyl:
        1. Completely non-portable.
        2. Disks are easily and irreparably damaged.
        3. The low frequency turntable rumble may be soothing to some, but it ain’t part of the music!
        4. Only the best, most expensive tone-arms will play the whole side of the disk without distortion. (While the initial tracks may sound fine, the playback of most players will distort the tracks on the inner grooves.)
        5. Your music is limited to 20-25 minutes of play time before you have to turn the record over.
        6. Unless the turntable is on bed-rock, you can’t dance to the music since the floor will bounce and the record will skip.

        The only people who like vinyl are those who have options and haven’t suffered through the age of vinyl.

        …Now where is that 8 track player when you need it…?

    • crewman

      My Samsung Gear S3 does that too I believe, but it’s not a feature I’m interested in. The phone on the watch works surprisingly well though and really is pretty cool.

    • Paula

      The new Apple Watch comes with a deluxe 87 minute battery life.

      • Bj Lincoln

        BFD.

      • bambinoitaliano

        To think once upon a time we don’t need to be reminded of a dead watch we forget to charge.

    • Rambie

      The iSheeple will love it, denying it’s been a feature from other manufacturers.

    • How nice for people always within wifi range.

  • PickyPecker
  • Ninja0980

    The 50$ cellphone I have works just fine, thank you very much.

    • Butch

      I have no opinion on one cell phone versus another but I’m always bothered by the photos of the people who wait in line to buy the new iPhone emerging from the store with fists pumping and waving their new toy around as if buying the thing were some kind of incredible personal achievement.

      • FAEN

        But ask many of them to stand in a shorter line to vote and they pitch a fit 🙄.

        • Butch

          Very true.

      • Bj Lincoln

        Morons just spent way too much on a status symbol. It costs little to make them and the changes in the programming is not much from one to another so we all pay too much for a phone.

        • LaChatSayWha

          And we do it over and over and over and over again. I’m still waiting for the tech companies to market to the audience that’s burnt out on upgrades. Issue a classic/somewhat stripped down version of the iPhone, photoshop, whatever, and charge $150/year for essential upgrades that don’t include interface updates that will require hours of irritating re-learning and troubleshooting.

      • jmax

        There was a video clip a while back where a guy had waited in line for hours for his new iPhone and while showing it off to the reporter he dropped it out of the box and broke it. Call me evil, but I took some pleasure in seeing that.

    • bambinoitaliano

      There are plenty of cheaper advance smart phones manufactured by Chinese companies. But the thought of me getting “putin” deter me from straying too far away from a more reputable company.

    • vorpal 😼

      My iPhone 5c is older than many people alive today but is still chugging along fine. It’s also pretty, petite, and green and that makes me happy.

      • Rambie

        Green like catnip. 😉

    • jerry

      I have a year-old LG phone that I paid about $50 for…and the service is through Tracfone, that I pay $100/year. Only use it when on vacations or away, so it otherwise generally stays plugged in under the desk at the office. Mainly use it to keep up on deleting the extreme amount of emails I receive, and occasionally I’ll make a call or text (hate to come home from a vacation and deal with 2500+ emails).

  • Dreaming Vertebrate

    Contards: So sick of welfare queens running around with their $1000 Obama phones!

  • another_steve

    Man and I recently purchased our first smartphone. It’s an “LG Android.” Is that a good thing?

    We still don’t know how to operate it.

    • yep. you got the nomenclature right.

    • Jonathan Smith
      • Johnny Wyeknot

        Hahaha

        • I know someone who just may want it.

          • who do we know with tiny hands, and tiny tiny fingers….hmmmm…

          • Na, 66 year old technophobic luddite i had offered to loan a video player to so I don’t have to charge him for dvds He also had a hard time giving up on VCR’s.

          • jmax

            My porno collection is on VCR tapes – no way in hell I’m giving them up! 🙂

          • Digitize them before they degrade anymore.

          • jmax

            I’ve considered it, but wouldn’t that require buying another video gizmo?

          • It’s that or in some cases lose them forever.

      • Todd20036

        Honestly, that looks so retro cool I’d buy it.

      • another_steve

        Rotary phones have been discussed in other JMG threads. We still own one. The fucker is indestructible, and I can’t get rid of something that still works. I just can’t.

        My great-nieces and nephews are amazed by it. For them, it’s like a school trip to the museum.

      • jmax

        God, I’d love to be able to buy one of those for my father. He still can’t operate the Jitterbug flip-phone I bought him.

    • Gustav2

      We also did not long ago. Not married to it like the nieces and nephews.

      • another_steve

        My major problem is that even with my reading glasses, I can hardly read anything on it.

        Carrying a magnifying glass around with me would, I think, be very not-gay.

        • Gustav2

          But my dear, we are the trendsetters!

        • Rex

          I have to wear my cheaters when I’m using my Iphone, but I didn’t want the bigger one, seemed too big to carry around, but I’m re-thinking that for the next one.

          • another_steve

            We bought the thing at our local Verizon Wireless outlet and the young man (very cute) was extremely helpful. He immediately scoped us out as two aging fairies who didn’t have the slightest fuck of an idea what they wanted or needed.

            He suggested a medium-size LG.

            The small one was so small I couldn’t even see it in the display case.

          • Bj Lincoln

            My phone seems to get bigger and bigger with each upgrade. I hate sticking it in a pocket. It pulls my pants down! 🙂

          • bambinoitaliano

            I have a BlackBerry Passport. Talk about wide 🙂

          • motordog

            lol, mine too!

          • jmax

            Here’s what you need – a belt that holds your phone. Killing two birds with one stone, as it were…
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3331a8c9aa77eb9515204071eee4f6ddb994fe0c09cbe9d344efba8e3cedb3be.jpg

        • Furface

          There’s an opportunity to bring back the stylish longette.

        • Bj Lincoln

          You can enlarge things by spreading 2 fingers apart on the screen. While you are texting, push the volume buttons to make the letters larger/smaller. It helps me a lot.

          • another_steve

            Good advice. Thanks.

          • Bj Lincoln

            You are welcome friend and neighbor.

        • barrixines

          What about a lorgnette?

          • greenmanTN

            He can carry it in his reticule.

        • bambinoitaliano

          In the setting you can increase the font size.

      • Rex

        You can marry your smartphone – see what those heathen gays started!

        • Gustav2

          Those Silicon Valley values.

    • Bj Lincoln

      There is a lot to learn about your phone. The wife is a geek about phones and I have to ask her all the time how to do stuff. I am not big on phone calls or texting. I play games and read news in waiting rooms or in bed. I hate even dragging it around.

    • That_Looks_Delicious

      I have an android. I like it compared to other smartphones. I’ve had iphones and blackberries through work in the past.

      Honestly, I don’t use even one quarter of the apps that came pre-loaded on there. The ones I use the most are the mapping program to find things and drive, second the clock/timer, third the web browser and fourth, the camera. One app I added is a call blocker to partially stop telemarketing calls; legally they’re not supposed to be calling cell phones, but they’re getting away with it all the time. Oh, and e-mail. I do check my emails on my phone. That’s nice to have.

      • another_steve

        Yeah, first thing I mastered was how to get rid of all the apps that we’d never use and that were only cluttering up space on the screen.

        I mean, stupid things.

        “Real time temps on Venus and Mars.”

      • Gustav2

        I have used the flashlight once or twice…when I remember it is there;

        lol

        • Bj Lincoln

          I live in the country and love my flashlight. I am blind in the dark so it gets me to the truck or get a dog who has to get tangled on something in the dark.

          • another_steve

            I was amazed to discover that the smartphone understands speech.

            I was in Google and got frustrated and shouted “shit!” – and all of a sudden I get all these google search selections for “shit.”

            Who knew.

          • Jonathan Smith

            everyone in the store……..

      • bambinoitaliano

        I’m a dying breed. Still sticking to my BlackBerry. The one phone maker getting out of business because it did not monetized users personal data.

        • Smithbc

          Actually, Apple does a pretty decent job of not collecting and using user data.

      • another_steve

        Question: If I delete an email from my smartphone, does it delete it permanently from my email inbox on other devices – like my home PC?

        Elementary, I know… but I’m still learning.

        • That_Looks_Delicious

          Yes, it will be deleted on all your devices.

          It will be deleted permanently when you empty your “Deleted Items” folder on whichever device.

        • bambinoitaliano

          You should get the options when you first set up your phone. You can also reset it on your computer within the email account.

        • jmax

          My LG has the option of deleting mail from just the device or from the server..

    • jerry

      I (generally) like mine…though it’s only used when I’m away on vacation. So I only pay $100/year for service through Tracfone.

  • TJay229

    Waiting for the Pixel2

    • Cuberly

      Same here, but from the leaked images it doesn’t appear to be much different design wise from the Pixel.

      • TJay229

        I know, but I have to compare it to the Note8. I am very very happy with my Pixel XL (proud size queen) so I gotta see what it’s going to be like.

        • Cuberly

          Ha! I have the smaller Pixel, it’s been a pretty great phone, nice and speedy.

          I checked out the larger model but it made me nervous that I’d drop it.

          • TJay229

            😀 Well, I’m used to holding BIG things in my hands plus… I NEVER buy a phone that doesn’t have a OTTERBOX DEFENDER case made for it. So dropping it is never a worry.

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    Can it dust and vacuum?

  • Rex

    It better have a shatter-proof screen if it’s going to use my face to unlock it.

    • FAEN

      Your face is easy on the eyes.

      • Rex

        Get back to me when you’ve seen me first thing in the morning.

        • FAEN

          Promises promises.

          • Rex

            Hopefully the night before makes up for it.

          • FAEN

            No doubt it would.

        • Daveed_WOW

          I almost called in sick one day because I woke up puffy and wrinkled. Alas, 4 decades has passed quicker than I thought.

  • FAEN

    Don’t see myself upgrading any time soon. Very happy with my 6s.

    • Lizard

      I adore my SE. I have small hands, so the gigantic screens of the Galaxy and newer iPhone models are detrimental to me. (I kept dropping my brother’s smartphone, luckily onto carpet.) To each their own.

  • Sam_Handwich

    cripes, this is hokie

  • KCF

    A fool and his money…

    …typed on my MacBook Air.

    • FAEN

      LOL-I’m in the market for Mac Book myself but I might just get a refurbished one.

      • vorpal 😼

        I’m getting a new MacBook for my birthday later this month!

        I know in general people often don’t have a lot of good things to say about refurbs, but my refurb 15″ MacBook is still diligently surviving hubby’s drunken attempts to murder it by dropping it, spilling liquids near it, and letting cats sleep on it after five years.

        • FAEN

          LOL-that’s good to know.

        • Cuberly

          Refurbs from the Apple site are all that I purchase for my clients. I’ve only had to replace/return one MacBook Pro in all the years I’ve used it. They replaced it with a faster one with more HD space….I have no qualms about refurbs.

          • Rambie

            Yes, if you get it from Apple their refurbs are good. I got a iPod Touch years ago as a refurb and it was great for years.

          • vorpal 😼

            Very nice. I’m glad my experience was not an anomaly. I was going to buy a completely new MacBook this time around but now I think I’ll look at some refurbs instead and see if I can save some money.

          • Cuberly

            I know of at least two other support techs that swear by them as well. I have zero reservations when it comes to Apple refurbs.

            And you don’t have to contend with going into an Apple Store, which can, for some people, be a teeth gratingly annoying experience.

          • vorpal 😼

            Last time I went into an Apple Store was in Barcelona, and all I wanted to buy was a charger for my MacBook since the previous generation of them were so crappy (thin cables kept fraying on us, probably in no small measure with some help from the cats and their teeth, and that required replacing the whole charger). All it was was a bunch of wooden tables with a huge number of people milling around.

            I felt like a 110 year old confronted with an ATM for the first time. After 10 minutes of confusion and not being sure what the hell to do, I just left and bought one online.

    • pj

      love my macbook air

    • Dunkerblinker

      I keep hoping they release a new MacBook Air….I love mine

  • TK

    Jesus, that TV…I really need a sugar daddy.

  • Rex

    I’ve had my Iphone for 3 years, and was thinking of updating when the new one comes out, but damn, $1000?

    • Bubba in TX

      Don’t worry, there’s also going to be a less-expensive model for us common folk.

      • Furface

        It’ll have direct connection to your bank; for security purposes only.

      • Rex

        That might be an option, unless the more expensive one gets me more hits on Grindr.

      • Reality.Bites

        Two less-expensive ones. This is a line extension, not an update.

        • E.J.

          I think this is supposed to compete with the Note 8, it’s about the same price.

  • JWC

    WOW send your entire wallet to…

  • Sam_Handwich

    tuck in your damn shirt

    • PickyPecker

      Now, now, Candidate Handwich. You say that now, but you’ll have your lettuce danglng out on the campaign trail, no doubt.

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      I said that to a work colleague the other day and got an earful

      • FAEN

        I don’t understand the untucked shirt look. I just don’t.

        • PickyPecker

          Hey, I don’t understand the plaid shirt with a striped tie trend these days either. Blech!

          • FAEN

            Jeebus that’s worse!

    • Natty Enquirer

      But then you’d see his enormous pot belly.

    • Rex

      Really. You’re a carnival barker for some of the most expensive technology available and you look like an unmade bed. At least tuck in your shirt.

    • Bj Lincoln

      Pull up your pants!

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    Will it make my dick look bigger?

    • Natty Enquirer

      Not if you hold the phone next to it.

    • Megrim Twist

      There’s an app for that.

    • FAEN

      The right pic-which you can take on your new phone-will.

    • bambinoitaliano

      There’s an app for that.

  • kaydenpat

    Unless that phone can impeach Trump and put President Hillary Clinton in the White House, it’s not worth it.

  • TK

    He’s overselling the TV features. Other than the picture, all the apps and stuff sound like stuff you’ll be able to do with any TV (if not now, then soon).

  • Paula

    All you fanboyz know you will line up for it. /S

  • Harveyrabbit

    Well… I guess maybe it’s about time to get a cell phone that fits in my pocket.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7ee4cf9a615e90b33c8ebcc35aad2559d02111e1a4e8edbcfeec0d9f274e5f3a.jpg

    But seriously. My 3 year old Samsung works just fine and I’m a keeping it.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      You say you’re happy to see me, anyway?

  • Sam_Handwich

    OH PISS OFF!

    /patsy

  • barrixines

    I still don’t have a mobile phone. For a thousand dollars, does this one come with Snake?

  • TK

    “Apple has always believed that humanity infused with technology can change the world”

    Which is why we pay workers pennies in foreign countries to work their fingers raw. So wealthy whites can IG their avocado toast and beach photos and brighten your world.

    • bambinoitaliano

      Not to mention the installation of suicide nets to prevent further loss of those cheap labor.

  • Rex

    The new one better hold a charge longer than the old ones.
    Watching porn is really draining – for the phone too.

  • olandp

    The only Apple TV series that i accidentally purchased was fine for the first three episodes, but after that it was just a black screen. The woman at customer service said that it was working properly. Why would I pay thirty dollars to download a black screen? Why would I bother with higher resolution Apple TV when I can look at a black screen for free, and who cares about the picture quality? My iBooks purchases were mostly blank pages too, all I’m told is,”…due to Terms of Service there are no refunds.”

  • TK

    The untucked shirts…

    • Natty Enquirer

      You’d never guess that these guys are all obese.

      • Waarki

        The body tension of ‘about to pinch one off’ didn’t help.

  • TK

    Cheers for the gold finish? But will it still be available in ‘BROse’

  • Rex

    Private porn viewing? Hey, Ted Cruz…

  • Sam_Handwich

    i like the retractable ass scratcher

    • jerry

      And TP dispenser.

  • Blake Mason

    I will wait until I see a Facebook post that tells me that Apple is giving away a free iPhone X… i just have to like and share.

    • Jonathan Smith

      followed by the “Snopes” correction?

      • Blake Mason

        …?

        • Jonathan Smith

          snopes.com.

  • Adam Stevens

    Yes, but the $1,000.00 model comes with an actual apple.

    • Vira

      For $1000, it better come with an Adam’s Apple.

  • Kevin Perez

    Oh please white Jesus, we beseech thee. Make Apple change the default ringtone!!

  • Sam_Handwich

    WH briefing with Sleazy Sarah at 2:30 (aka 3:15)

  • TK

    Wait…did Apple just whiten the features of a black guy? That’s…that’s a sales feature??

    Hey black folk…you too can now pass…Apple 8

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/53df71c8720a427f24e4b3de94928965b74659fe93e1ef723249e607ef57e931.jpg

    • Gustav2

      I saw that…how whitie are they?!

    • Vira

      It’s an app called Vitiligo.

  • Edmund Allin

    Sad.

  • TK

    The sky around you feature already exists in several apps.

  • worstcultever

    Cheap-ass, ancient flip phones 4-ever!

    *dodders away*

    • It’s what I have. It serves my purposes. And I prefer talking to texting anyway.

      • vorpal 😼

        LOL you’re one of those people.

        Hubby and I look utterly horrified and distrustful when any of the phones (landline or cellular) in our vicinity begins to ring.

    • Treant

      Ditto. I have an ancient Pearl that still works. I like it, I can see the numbers, and it’s durability is practically infinite.

    • jerry

      Actually, I’ve found that some of those had much better reception and overall sound than any of the smartphones…when, you know, using it as an actual phone.

      • Dean Chambers

        I’ve noticed recently that I have no trouble understanding friends who use older technology phones, and I can barely understand a word of friends who have brand new smartphones. I’d justr as soon not deal with the bad sound quality.

  • Mark

    Well, I’ll be an ex apple user when I can no longer find affordable ones on eBay. That’s just fucking stupid for a phone.

    • Gustav2

      but…but…but it cures cancer!

      • Mark

        Unless it can help me with the PTSD from the fucking hurricane, Tim Cook can shove that phone up his ass.

    • Smithbc

      There is also new “iPhone 8” that is priced the same as previous iPhones. The “X” is basically a new line of phones.

  • bambinoitaliano

    You mean George Soros did not pay for those line up at Apple stores?

  • -M-
  • AtticusP

    If I paid $1000 for a phone, I would expect it to blow me regularly.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1a9bb708b70d9ac59e72efb212d11ffa46c2a7284ebeb04943895cb463161d6c.jpg

    • Rex

      I’m available for regular blowing and at reasonable rates.

      • vorpal 😼

        Do you offer monthly discounted plans for couples?
        If I don’t run out of “data” regularly, I get cranky.

        • Rex

          I’m sure we could work out a family plan with plenty of data. But no discounts, I’m not WalMart.

      • Treant

        I do it for free…do you think I should start charging?

        • Rambie

          Oh you slut. 😉

      • AtticusP

        Good to know, but can you be used to send texts and make long-distance calls?

        • Rex

          I’m not into any of that kinky shit.

    • I’m just glad no one posted all the dumb shit I did in my teens and 20s on the internet!

    • Snarkaholic

      The ones on the right probably missed THREE buses in a row!

    • For a thousand friggin’ bucks that damn thing better transform into a damned Autobot.

  • Jonathan Smith
  • shellback

    https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/71C1E4oRakL._SL1500_.jpg
    Amazon $19.24
    Perfect, crystal clarity. No drop outs, no fading, no echo.

    • Treant

      No updates, no planned obsolescence in terms of apps. No real operating system that you have to worry about.

      Down side: Does not allow you to play Angry Birds.

      • Jonathan Smith
        • Vira

          So much bitter squawking in this thread, don’t think there will ever be any shortage of Angry Birds.

      • stuckinthewoods

        Being able to plug in allowed us to call to report when Hurricane Isabel knocked power out. Restoration was nearly 3 weeks but at least they knew we were out.

        • Treant

          I keep an absolutely ancient Princess phone upstairs in the bedroom. During power outages, it’s the only one that works (if the telephone lines are still up and providing 14v power, which they usually are).

          • stuckinthewoods

            We haven’t found that service ever out. To get back to us the clearest shot is underground cable down the driveway so landline phone’s more stable than power.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      We have one of these in the living room:

      https://i.ebayimg.com/thumbs/images/g/CUsAAOSwJdZZbqiz/s-l225.jpg

      It’s red.

      But don’t get too jealous. It really is hard to find a good old HEAVY (“classic”) telephone with a loud ring, which is what I was going for. This ain’t that – the beige one next to the bed is better in that regard than the above cheap knockoff – but I’ve grown accustomed.

      • LaChatSayWha

        I have an old black heavy phone like that, but with a dial. I call it the Dr. Strangelove phone. I still love it and it works perfectly. I even wired it for speaker years ago, and it can be plugged into my studio monitors for conference calls. It can also be used as a weapon in time of need. Those things are Heavy.

  • TK

    Tim, please, it’s Im-por-tant. What does Im-por-dant mean exactly?

    • Mikey

      it’s… apple-speak!

  • margaretpoa

    For people with more money than common sense….

  • motordog

    Dagnabbit! Get your fancy-shmancy expensive doodad telephone offa my lawn! Rotten kids! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9ab7c80dcf3008ffa07ba4a9a719b9a704d52169c55e1dd7dd9ee2571ca13b48.jpg

  • DJ John Bear

    Yawn.

  • TK

    It’s not retina display, it’s now SUPER retina display…

    It’s not chip A##, it’s now chip A## BIONIC…

    It’s not a ton of $$$, it’s now a shit ton of $$$

    • Waarki

      40,000,000.00 songs… on your WRIST!

  • netxtown

    Personally, I prefer oranges, bananas, mango, and all the berries verses an apple, or any sort. Born on intel, raised on NexGen, matured on AMD. Still lovin it.

  • Pip

    64GB $999
    256GB $1099
    512GB $1199
    That’s just STUPID

  • Steven B

    Just take my money.

  • motordog
  • Treant

    No.

  • TK

    Who gives a shit about this face ID stuff? Do people really find unlocking their phone that difficult?

    • Jonathan Smith

      depends on how drunk i am………

    • -M-

      Face ID would be more about making the screen larger for the same size phone without losing the easy authentication.

  • worstcultever

    Hey Apple – How about I license my username to you. You can even pretend it’s the ultimate hip irony! Introductory offer – $1m/month. Act now, supply is limited!

    (edited to add: I love my old Macs, made before Apple sucked)

  • The_Wretched

    And once Apple develops and brings down the cost of face scanners, expect them everywhere.

    One question I like to ask is “How far to you have to go to not be tracked 24/7?” Add wearing skimasks or facial decals everywhere.

  • bambinoitaliano
    • Jonathan Smith

      or:
      “Just a reminder that Trump likes to avoid paying taxes and has literal piles of money parked overseas.”
      …just sayin

      • The_Wretched

        The entire oligarch class does. That came out rather plainly with a relatively small leak about Panamanian law firm Mossack Fonseca. From an economics standpoint, money that is stashed is next to useless and makes everyone else poorer.

    • Reality.Bites

      Good. The less of my money going to the US government, the better.

    • Smithbc

      Or:
      “Just a reminder that most US companies like to avoid paying taxes and have piles of money parked overseas”

      Unfortunately, this is not just an Apple problem. Most large companies do this same thing because, ugh, its perfectly legal. In fact, Apple has a fiduciary duty to maximize shareholder profit. If they were to do the right thing and bring that money home, they would likely get the pants sued off of them for violating that duty to their shareholders. Google does the exact same thing. In fact, both of these companies, and a bunch of others, do this not only to the US, but to many other countries they operate in.

  • Cackalaquiano

    Goddammit. My husband, mark my words, will move heaven and earth to get this damn phone, despite already having the latest model and despite having FAR more pressing things to spend $1000 on.

  • Mikey

    Ooooooh!!! Look! Another Apple product I won’t be buying.
    Even if it was $10 I wouldn’t buy it.

    • -M-

      That’s how I feel about WinDon’t and Android devices. Luckily we all have options.

  • TheManicMechanic

    Apple Bottoms will certainly rejoice. They will only complain why it doesn’t cost more, and hope that they have to buy entirely new cables and accessories that work with nothing else.

    • Jean-Marc in Canada

      “Apple Bottoms”

      You win the internet today.

    • MBI

      Genius!
      No, bottom shaming is terrible.

      • TheManicMechanic

        I never shame bottoms.

    • Mike in Texas

      Funny how they’re passing off the OLED screen and IR face recognition as new cutting edge things. Apple products are fine and really don’t need that kind of somewhat deceptive hype.

      • TheManicMechanic

        My two year old Android handset has most of the features Apple is routing as “new.” As usual it’s new only to Apple, but the Appleistas will be sold on these features being entirely new.

    • -M-

      The (poorly named) iPhone X is the luxury top of the line model. Most of its internal features, including Qi standard wireless charging, are shared by the iPhone 8 and especially iPhone 8plus models* that would be the standard models for those upgrading as part of their phone plan. Plus, they still offer the 7, 6S, and SE models at reduced prices.

      *Didn’t watch the announcement yet and haven’t read the coverage closely, but I think the “super retina” OLED display, face recognition technology, maybe more RAM (and $200) are the main differences between the X and 8Plus versions.

      • TheManicMechanic

        A lot of this tech is standard on my 2 year old Droid Turbo 2.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    $1000?

    Clearly, Trump isn’t the only huckster who can bilk people out of their money.

  • JoeMyGod

    How does it recognize your face in the dark?

  • JoeMyGod

    So there’s an iPhone 8 and iPhone X but no iPhone 9?

    • Waarki

      You obviously don’t know about Chinese numerology. Ask any long term resident of Los Angeles about ‘the 818’

      • MichaelJ

        You got me Googling Chinese numerology and the number 9. From numerology.com: “The number 9 is a positive number in Chinese Numerology, as it sounds like the pronunciation of the word ‘longlasting’ and represents longevity.”

        In other words, Apple doesn’t want to sell anything that people will be content with over the long haul. They want you to buy their next product as soon as they can produce it.

      • Strkr

        But they had the iPhone 4?

    • Mike in Texas

      Windows did the same thing and had some kind of coding reason to skip over 9.

  • Jeffrey

    I have an iPhone Plus and it was $900. So no big surprise there. People will still pay it.

  • Karl Dubhe

    Have fun…

    My phone’s still hooked up to the wall. 🙂

    • Reality.Bites

      My place doesn’t have phone jacks. They were replaced with Ethernet jacks – there’s fibre direct to the unit with gigabit internet.

      (I could get phone service through my internet provider if I wanted a landline, but I haven’t had one in 15 years or so.)

  • Winston Statehill

    Video isn’t captioned.

    • -M-

      I don’t know why there aren’t at least autogenerated YouTube captions available. That’s so thoughtless.

      Presumably the podcast version will have captions. In the meantime Ars Technica among others live blogged the event and now have articles on specific products and topics as well.

  • Jeffg166

    I still don’t have a cell phone.

    • TexasBoy

      I resisted having a cell phone for years, but now I have business dealings mainly by text and email. And home phones in my neighborhood go down whenever we get a little rain.

  • TexasBoy

    I’m not planning to upgrade as long as my 6+ is working.

  • Lee Grupsmith-Pedersen

    There was something on the morning news about it. they went on about some of the new features, face recognition being one of them. So big deal. My mid-range Android had that out of the box–and it was $850 less.

    • Smithbc

      Its not important to a lot of people, but the version on the new iPhone is far more advanced than the one currently in Android phones.

      • TJay229

        For me it’s a privacy issue.
        If the face ID is so great, then what if the Police took your phone.
        Well it’s locked.
        But No… They simply hold it up to your face and now it’s unlocked.

        That’s very weak to me. That’s why I love Android and the option for PATTERN. The pattern has proven the hardest to beat out of numbers and words.

  • stuckinthewoods

    I’m guessing “face recognition” can’t be fooled by a picture? Or do you program it to recognize when you make some predetermined face at it? “Dang. Now try putting your thumbs in your ears and crossing your eyes…”

    • Reality.Bites

      it needs to be a three-dimensional face that’s looking at it.

      It’s able to detect fine muscle movement (it can map your face to an animated image like they do in for movie creatures like the hulk) so I’m betting it won’t work with a dead head or a wax dummy of you either.

      And of course an identical twin could unlock your phone.

      • stuckinthewoods

        mmm, identical twin, my second partner had an identical twin,…the stories. They were both named Louis.

  • Grant

    There’s no “allegedly” about it. The entry level X is $999.00 and the larger capacity variant is $1,149.00. This is from http://www.apple.com

  • Hank
  • Reality.Bites
  • Dunkerblinker

    I have been an Apple fanboy for years, but I see that changing….hello Google..

  • Apple: for people with more money than sense. All kinds of hype. Not really better products and several times more expensive. Please buy something that does the same shit for less money and donate the rest to charity. Fuck.

  • leastyebejudged

    Suckers.

  • fuzzybits

    A thousand dollars would go a long way at a shelter.

  • Joseph Mora