Mayor Of Hell Bans All Straight People

Michigan Live reports:

“Make Hell gay again.” That was the message from the newly-appointed-and-then-impeached “mayor of the small, unincorporated community in Michigan’s Livingston County. Confused? Let’s explain further.

In a series of comical Tweets sent out on Wednesday, Aug. 30, comedian and internet personality Elijah Daniel explained that he was named the legal mayor of Hell, Michigan when he was presented a proclamation signed by former “mayor” Odum Plenty.

As part of his first day in the office, Daniel quickly banned all straight people from entering Hell. “Growing up, I was always told that homosexuals would go to Hell,” the notice reads. “Now, the heterosexuals are trying to take this from us, too. As of today, I am establishing new vetting measures to keep radical heterosexuals out of this town.”

You can pay to be Hell’s mayor for 24 hours for $100.

  • ben
    • I was just thinking about him, we hadn’t heard anything lately. incidentally, my guy and I just booked a trip to Harlem at the beginning of Oct. We’ll make sure to pass by.

      • barrixines

        Take a couple of stones with you – it should be easy to make short work of the TV.

        • TuuxKabin

          better aim and distance, force too with a sling shot.

          • Bj Lincoln

            If you can get far away enough to clear the security cameras.

          • TuuxKabin

            The one thing he’s probably not had the sense to install.

            Besides, dark glasses, wide brimmed hat. Grow a beard after the fact, or shave if sporting one, should said ‘shooter’ be male. And with the projectile of the object from the slingshot, one can do a direct hit from a disco . . . I mean a distance, maybe out side the security cameras’ range.

      • Leo Degrandmaison

        I thought they sold his church for not paying his bills . there was a group that wonted to buy it and make in to a youth center for gay young people

    • Rambie

      What happened to the building being auctioned off?

      • Ernest Endevor

        I think the case is working its way through the courts.

    • Ernest Endevor

      The original sign is in violation of building codes so…

    • Uncle Mark

      Instead of paying off part of his $1Million+ bill that he owes the utilities (which is why he’s in court fighting to keep his “church”), he puts an expensive TV out there to annoy his neighbors.

      Damn…I can’t wait for the day when the butt babies arrive.
      http://splitsider.com/2016/02/jessica-williams-catches-up-with-homophobic-harlem-pastor-james-david-manning/

      (I can’t watch this guy without getting my gaydar overloaded)

      • Bj Lincoln

        I can’t watch him. I can’t watch Drumpf either. I don’t understand why the city is pissing around when there is a place ready to buy it up for good things. They need to get on it ASAP.

        • Reality.Bites

          Trump: getting more people to cut the cord than Netflix.

  • Mike

    In gay hell, is everyone else more fit and better looking than you are, just like in life?

    • NIFP

      Kind of, according to Dante (Inferno Cantos 15 and 16). Also no sex, I think.

  • bambinoitaliano

    Watch the likes of Alex Jones to spin this like the pizzagate.

    • bambinoitaliano
    • Gretchen

      I can see the headlines now. Homosexual Mayor Bans Straight People from Michigan Town.

      • Professor Barnhardt

        Paging Eugene Delgaudio….

        • Reality.Bites

          He’ll be ever so upset when they welcome him with open earrings.

  • Reality.Bites

    As an atheist and a Jew, I don’t believe in Hell.

    How dare this town challenge my beliefs by existing?

  • olandp

    I’m ready to move…

  • barrixines

    He was impeached after only an hour. Who knew Hell had better checks and balances in place than the US?

    • Tawreos

      Well if Trump banned most of the senate and the house of representatives they would have him out even quicker

      • That_Looks_Delicious

        Nah. Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell would just say it’s something something “disturbing.”

    • glass

      Well you know Hell, it’s the HOT place to be. O_o

      • Barbaralbeets

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family!!!
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it >>>http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash124TopGreen/GetPay$97/Hour….

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    What the Hell ?!

  • edrex

    so that’s where other people live.

  • Acronym Jim

    I’m guessing this is the former Mayor’s official portrait. I think it fits nicely with the area.

    His satire was brilliantly done. “Reproductive precautionary deposit.” LOL!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/897481301564968960/jDeyGZ9C.jpg

    • Christopher

      He’s yummy!

      And what a cute belt!

  • Baltimatt

    Odum Plenty. 😀 😀 😀

    • That_Looks_Delicious

      I think I saw once something in the news about his brother, Gooden Plenty.

    • Ode2joy

      http://talk.baltimoresun.com/topic/283070-critical-thinking-protesters-cant-even-answer-what-they-are-protesting/

      Only the bestest ever posters. 😂😂

      Do you ever feel sorry for that steve51 poster? I’m guessing you probably find him an intellectual challenge and quite the contributor of brilliance to your awesome forum. 🤓
      I think I reported him quite a few times too-with his following me around like a puppy dog and making stupid off-topic comments that were a violation of the rules on your forum.
      But, as we all know, the only reason you get banned from your forums is to question the moderating. 😎
      And please answer this- I am dying to know. How many warning points does Sprightly really have? 😄

      • Ode2joy

        Baltimatt
        Super Moderator
        49,846 posts
        Posted January 3, 20

        kudzu–

        One can talk sexuality without getting personal. In fact, this board is not the place for getting too personal when discussing such a subject.

        Wow so nice to good ol disgusting homophobe poster rude extraordinaire.
        Kudzu!
        I remember reporting him OVER AND OVER, yet he was allowed to harass me (and others) with his foul mouth.

        Do you remember why he was banned? 😡😡😡😡😡

    • Ode2joy

      http://talk.baltimoresun.com/forum/11-nationalworld-news/?sortby=posts&sortdirection=desc

      Do you see why this is interesting? You are driving away all the posters. You would think your wonderfully moderated forum would be getting more and more people every day.
      I wonder how the Baltimore Sun people would really feel if they knew you were driving people away from something they created.

    • Ode2joy

      Kevin
      Kevin Baltimatt
      Hey baltimatt, I have a weird problem, my computer, either thru cookies or something, would not let me sign on as Jed anymore, I thought I had been banned, but then realized Jed was still a member. so I signed up as KEVIN just to see if it was my computer. it will allow me to post as kevin but will not let me on as Jed.

      i am not trying to fool anyone, or be sneaky, but i would like to do the right thing. So…should i stay on as Kevin. i will eliminate Jed easily. i could even make an announcement that Jed is now kevin. many of the smarter posters already have guessed who I am, cause I’m not trying to really hide it. Computers can be weird.

      Suggestions?

      • Ode2joy

        Gee what an honest poster.

      • Baltimatt

        Why are you writing me this? Jed doesn’t exist on the current system, and Kevin is banned.

        • Ode2joy

          I was just showing you what an honest person I was.
          Always have been- always will be.

          Meanwhile, I see the people you prefer on your forum!

          I am kind of enjoying the fact that you seem to only respond to certain posts of mine. Speaks volumes. I’m sure the truth hurts.
          I have not lied about one thing.

          How many warning points to sprightly have? 😊
          Why were my accurate reports ignored, and why was a group of rude people allowed to hound and harass me out of there? With your help?

          You know I was PMIng certain posters and they all agreed with my assessment.

        • Ode2joy

          27 minutes ago, Heisenberg said:
          Wow… that’s pretty rich. No irony there.

          Sprightly:
          No one asked you. Stay in your lane.

          Good grief Matt
          Moderate your damn forum 🙄

        • Baltimoresuntalkforum

          http://talk.baltimoresun.com/topic/283145-americas-first-white-president-donald-j-trump/

          Boy…. look at th first two trolling posts from the responders. . Why aren’t they removed, SUPER moderator?

          🙄

          Yeah I really deserved a LIFETIME BAN!
          🤡🤡

          • Baltimoresuntalkforum

            THEY ARE STILL UP? 😳

            You’re not doing YOUR JOB! 😄

            What does the forum have rules for anyway? For super moderators to ignore them, and make up their own?

  • RobynWatts

    Hell ripped him off! Elijah didn’t get to serve out his full term as mayor! Sue them all to hell! /snark

  • SLK in SF

    Elijah and Christine are hilarious. I’m not a “stan” (as the kids say), but I follow casually, from a polite distance befitting my age. 😂

    • JCF

      “stan”: that was a new one on me. Stalker-fan. Got it. Thx!

  • Mark Née Fuzz

    Hell needs to up its game a little if it wants to pull the gays from Saugatuck. There’s not a helluva lot there (pun not intended) but a few tacky hell-named businesses, and a Welcome to Hell sign where you can take your picture in January when the place freezes over.

    • Falconlights

      Not much has changed since I was through there in the 80s, apparently.

  • Bj Lincoln

    Ha Ha ha! That was great.

  • That_Looks_Delicious

    It sounds like he’s having way too much fun with his $100.

    • kareemachan

      Be a great present to the right person.

  • That’s hysterical!

  • rusty57

    It’s Livingston County. Home of the Klan and mouth-breathing, slope-headed right-wingers in Michigan.

    • AmeriCanadian

      The grand dragon himself, Robert E. Miles, was from Cohoctah, Michigan, part of Livingston County. Nice area (not). I try to avoid it.

  • Lori

    This is making me all nostalgic. Somewhere there’s a picture of 5 year old me standing next to the “Welcome To Hell” sign. The joys of a Michigan childhood.

  • Lars Littlefield

    “This will not effect my presidential run.” Fucking illiterate poseur.

    • CottonBlimp

      Maybe he meant “this won’t cause my presidential run” 😉

  • Jesushas2daddies
    • JCF

      The biker bar (w/ the really good food) is the best part about it.

      {looks at pic, at handle}

      Is your son named Jesús? 😉

    • Aw your kids are adorable! <3