Man Busted For Claiming Black Man Stabbed Him Over His “Neo-Nazi” Haircut, Cops Say He Stabbed Himself

Denver’s ABC affiliate reports:

A man who claimed he’d been stabbed outside a Sheridan restaurant on Aug. 16 because his haircut made him look like a neo-Nazi actually stabbed himself, police say.

Joshua Lee Witt, 26, was booked late last week on a false reporting to authorities criminal summons, which could land him a fine of $2,650 and up to a year in jail if he’s convicted.

Witt posted his allegations on Facebook after the incident, which he alleged happened on Aug. 16 outside the Steak ‘n Shake at 3502 South River Point Parkway. He also reported the allegations to police.

At the time, Witt told officers a black man in his 20s came up to him outside the restaurant and asked, “Are you one of them neo-Nazis?” and tried to stab him.

Witt said he had gotten a defensive wound while trying to stop the stabbing, and posted pictures of his bloody hand to Facebook. He said the man ran off afterward.

Surveillance video shows Witt buying the knife shortly before the “attack.”

  • bambinoitaliano

    Idiot is not stabbing deep enough to back up his false claim. He should try again.

    • Tawreos

      Practice does make perfect.

  • shellback

    You can’t fix stoopid.

    • TampaDink

      Actually you can….but there are significant risks of homicide charges, so best to just let them “fix” themselves.

  • elvigy

    Witt? Haha, more like an improvident lack wit, as a certain Mr. Burns would say.

  • kareemachan

    Well, he’s as dumb as drumpster and stupid to boot.

  • PickyPecker

    I was tempted to stab myself coming out of Steak ‘N Shake as well.

    • Dagoril

      Is the food THAT bad? 😉

      • Tulle Christensen

        The food is not very good, but as a child I loved their Orange Freezes. I still go grab one every other year or so.

  • bambinoitaliano
  • HZ81

    Another genius confederate heard from. Had he only watched an episode of Dateline while mething, all of this could have been avoided.

  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    It certainly is devotion to his cause.

    When I read sites that tend to have hateful comments, what is good for our country, what makes common sense, is completely gone. There is no pretext other than causing pain to “other”.

  • Todd Allis

    So, who is the real danger to these neo-nezis?

    • Tawreos

      Reality is the biggest danger to them.

      • Todd Allis

        I was thinking they were a danger to themselves, but that works too!

      • Tor

        I was out to dinner with some friends last night. On the way back to their car, we passed the “Reality Church.” Oxymoron.

        • Bluto
          • Tor

            Ohhh, Yessss, Sir!

          • shellback

            Torgo must have taken the picture.

          • BobSF_94117

            I had to embiggen to see it was a whip. I thought it was tassels.

          • Bluto

            Tassels, lol. You’re not an aficionado of leather culture, are you Sir?

          • BobSF_94117

            In my defense, I embiggened because I thought it seemed a bit odd.

            🙂

        • David Walker

          You have one of them, too? I tried to look them up, hoping that it might in fact have a reality-based take on Jesus. So much for that.

          • Tor

            I did the same, hoping that maybe it was a rationalist “church.”

  • Dagoril

    The fact that our Nazis are just so frakking dumb is actually reassuring.

    • olandp

      If they weren’t so dumb they wouldn’t be neo-nazis. Lack of intelligence seems to be a requirement.

    • JW Swift

      “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”

      ― George Carlin

      • DonnaLee

        Mencken said something similar…but it’s hard to look up quotes which are not direct quotes!

    • clay

      Obviously, they shouldn’t be allowed to handle sharp objects.

    • kaydenpat

      Dumb people can still be dangerous though.

    • Todd20036

      It’s their one saving grace, but they can still do a LOT of damage in the mean time

    • Nowhereman

      They also wet their pants if they get separated from their gang.

  • AtticusP
  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    O/T for another HOLY CRAP! moment:

    On Monday The New York Times published copies of the emails it had obtained, which reveal that the project in Russia was intricately linked to Trump’s campaign for the presidency.

    “I will get Putin on this program and we will get Donald elected,” Sater wrote in one email to Cohen. “Our boy can become president of the USA and we can engineer it. I will get all of Putin’s team to buy in on this, I will manage this process.”

    http://www.salon.com/2017/08/28/we-will-get-donald-elected-emails-show-trump-ally-was-working-with-russia-during-campaign/

    • kaydenpat

      Shoes dropping.

  • Rex

    Next time he should go to Steak ‘n Shake during Happy Hour.

  • shellback

    Why am I reminded of this?
    https://youtu.be/c_tELkI0vbU

    • Jefe5084

      Mike Nelson. 😉

  • Rebecca Gardner
    • Rebecca Gardner

      OT-ish, but this is interesting. Trump is starting to make everyone sick.

      https://twitter.com/ThomasReeseSJ/status/902042750299889666

    • Tulle Christensen

      yes remember folks mirrors you know mirror things….

      • David Walker

        That sounds suspiciously like science.

        • Rebecca Gardner

          Burn the witch!

        • Oscarlating Wildely

          Yea, typical elitist. Next you’ll say that the earth isn’t flat!

          • Tulle Christensen

            well curving only 8 inches per mile makes it pretty flat does it not? 🙂

        • mpatreyu

          What be that strange word Science of which ye speak?

    • safari

      Do you think she changed her name?

    • kaydenpat

      Sure do. Backward Carving Liar Chick.

  • fastlanestranger

    The struggle for fame cuts like a knife.

  • Deflated

    Joe Witt? Better known by his alias, Nitt.

    • djcoastermark

      And I saw at the drugstore there are treatments to get rid of him already.

    • mpatreyu

      I believe he also went by Dim

  • Highmoremotel

    If you have to lie and cheat for your cause, your cause is for sh*t.

    • JWC

      Their cause is shit that they lie and cheat for

  • liondon#iamnotatraitor

    I’ll show you…I’ll stab myself….. LOOK AT ME ..LOOK AT ME..LOOKATME!!!

  • Paula

    I would tell this idiot “go lay down in the parking lot. I’ll come out and run over you head later.”

    • TJay229

      Please let me drive.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      “Hey good-lookin’! We’ll be back to stab you later!”

  • Moebym of the Returners

    To all those who get the bright idea to injure themselves and then falsely accuse others of the crime so they can get sympathy, police and forensic examiners can tell if wounds are self-inflicted.

    • clay

      He didn’t even get the bright idea to injure himself– he was just incompetent with his new pocket knife. He had no courage in his conviction– this false flag was entirely after the fact to project his own failure onto maliciousness from another.

    • Friday

      I’ve seen defensive knife wounds in my colorful past, …it’s not something that would even be a bright idea to try and fake, if you like the use of your thumb. Also not an image I much care to reflect on, actually, so that’s all I’ll say there.

  • Gigi

    When I first read this I knew it was fake. Asshole!

  • bambinoitaliano
    • Canadian Observer

      Waiter, there is a dog in the croissant your brought me!

      • The_Wretched

        Yes, it’s cute isn’t it?

        • Canadian Observer

          As a cat (and owl person), not so much. Not to mention dogs, no matter how small, are not halal.

          • Daveed_WOW

            owl person….does this involve scratching posts and rubber toys?

          • Canadian Observer

            Well it is more of a craving lemmings as a midnight snack kind of thing, but I wouldn’t say no to a scratching post and rubber toys. Was that an invitation?

          • Daveed_WOW

            Well, I do love the sounds they make.

    • djcoastermark

      That’s one fresh hot dog.

    • John Ruff

      Meh. Lol.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      Mmmm. Poppin’ fresh puppy rolls.

    • Nowhereman

      Is that a bagel dog?

      • bambinoitaliano

        Looks like a Shiba Inu to me.

  • safari
    • Moebym of the Returners

      Mirrors. How do they work?

      • Tulle Christensen

        I posted a scientific explanation on the post below

    • safari

      (I’d take it down since it was already posted… but… meh)

      • David Walker

        Meh, indeed. Do you remember what she had to do to get the black eye?

        • safari

          Nope

          • David Walker

            Me either, and I don’t remember enough about it to look it up.

          • safari

            Ashley Todd is her name.

          • safari

            Huh. Earlier she had also claimed that her tires were slashed because she was a Ron Paul supporter and then posed as a Huckabee supporter to try to get information from that campaign too. She’s quite a piece of work. Her punishment for the fake attack was counseling and probation.

      • Lumpy Gaga

        Never Forget!!!

  • bkmn

    Is he one of Trump’s best people?

  • Joe

    Charles Stewart and Susan Smoth used imaginary black men to try to get away with murder!
    It’s easy and people have been doing it for a long long time!

    • Tulle Christensen

      Sometimes when I am alone in bed, I have an imaginary black man join me. Does that make me a bad person?

      • mpatreyu

        Yes. You should get a real one instead.

  • John Ruff

    “Surveillance cameras? What are they?” Lol.

  • Pip

    Dammit, I hate when my town turns up in the news for dumbassery.

    This is my stomping grounds. Anyone who knows the area knows that blaming some random black dude won’t work around there. It’d have to be some random Hispanic dude. 😉

  • I know I might need a profile shot to make it clearer, but from the front it doesn’t look like a neo-Nazi haircut to me.

    • JW Swift

      I think it has grown-out since the incident.

      • I guess his hair grows fast over 12 days.

  • IAMBOWLINGGREEN
  • Adam Stevens

    Stabbed himself, eh? Maybe smarter than he looks?

  • Oscarlating Wildely

    Favorite Game of Thrones quote insertion here:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13CSWRyaAgA

  • safari
  • Lakeview Bob

    What does a neo-Nazi haircut look like anyway?

    • Friday

      Not very plausibly like the mugshot, really. I dunno where he got that.

    • AdamTh

      At the time of the “attack” he posted a pic showing it shaved on the sides & short/thick on top. Is that called “high & tight”?

  • Ninja0980

    But only the left fakes hate crimes or so I was told.

  • Hank
  • Kevin Perez

    I stop at punching Nazis. Drawing blood is a step too far.

  • Paris

    If folks called you half witt all your life you’d do stupid shit too.

  • dcurlee

    Lock the fucker up

  • Halou

    A fine person?

  • Jefe5084

    These people and their bizarre obsessions sometime make me wonder if Jamestown, Guyana could happen again with these crazed non-thinkers.

    • Jerry Kott

      In a way, it already has. They drank the T45 Kool Aid. And it appears that Democracy is dead on arrival.

    • Ben in Oakland

      No such luck.

  • TJay229

    This is both sad and hilarious.

    He needed some attentionso bad in his pathetic life, that he created a story painting a black man as a violent assailant.

    Summa y’all White people… 😐😑😠😡😒 are beyond Disgusting.

    • Friday

      Kind of willing to bet he was trying to show off his new knife and was trying to explain away his klutziness. “Blame the imaginary black man” even turns up in accidental police shootings.

  • Jerry Kott

    This dick was so stewed in White Privilege that he assumed ( they don’t think) that the Race Card is always a hole in one from his perspective. He expected that his word was power enough to carry off this ruse and never be questioned.
    White Privilege is in the DNA of this nation and slowly will be bred out of existence only to be replace by some other mutant privilege.

  • clay

    a clue: hold on to the round end next time, and keep the pointy end away from your skin.

  • popebuck1

    He’s diabolically clever! Obviously he’s an Antifa thug, committing a false flag attack on himself to make it LOOK as though Nazis are idiots committing false flag attacks on themselves!

  • clay
  • Lumpy Gaga

    “I don’t want anybody else.
    When I think aBOUT you I stab myself.”

  • Ben in Oakland

    Joshua Witt?

    Seems more Wittless to me.

    • BobSF_94117

      Middle name: Nit

  • kaydenpat

    Sick dude.

  • SilasMarner

    Definitely a Trump supporter because he lied just like Trump.

  • LeeCMH

    And these are the folks screaming about “false flag” operations.

  • AdamTh

    Has anyone read what his occupation is/was? Hope it’s not something like an accountant!

    • Ken M

      If I’m doing my Googling correctly, the restaurant is in CO. No info on him though.

  • Ken M

    Chalk up one more case of “Tech is not on the nazi’s side.”

  • Orly

    Geez, these morons can’t even carry out a false-flag operation with even a modicum of competence.

    I guess that’s a good thing 🙂

  • SDG

    Um… that does NOT look like a neo-nazi haircut!

  • JCF

    Behold the Archtypical DrumpfenKorpMann.

  • Grumpy Old Man