GOP US House Candidate Warns That The Eclipse Is God’s Warning On Something Something 33 Something

GOP US House candidate Michael Snyder today penned an eclipse warning for Charisma News, your one-stop destination for anti-witchcraft tutorials. He writes:

In a previous article, I noted that the first major city in the United States that the eclipse will cross is named Salem. Well, it turns out that the eclipse will actually cross a total of seven cities named Salem, and of course “Salem” is short for “Jerusalem”.

I also find it very interesting how much the number “33” is associated with this eclipse. The following are just a few examples: This solar eclipse is highly unusual for so many reasons and it occurs just 33 days before what may very well be the great sign. It begins in the 33rd state, ends at the 33rd parallel, and occurs on the 233rd day of the year, which is 33 weeks and 2 days into 2017. The eclipse will take 1 hour and 33 minutes to cross the country and occurs 133 days (inclusive) before the end of 2017.

And of course this solar eclipse begins a period of 40 days which will end with Yom Kippur on Sept. 30. So is this solar eclipse actually a warning that America should repent? Many Christian leaders all over the nation believe that this is the case. In fact, Billy Graham’s own daughter, Anne Graham Lotz, is one of them. If we continue on the path that we are currently on, there is no future for our nation. Hopefully we can get America to wake up, because time is rapidly running out.

RELATED: Right Wing Watch reported on Snyder last week.

Snyder, who bills himself as “the most pro-Trump candidate in America,” said that he would like to see pro-Trump candidates “challenge every House seat in the entire country” and flood Congress with “InfoWars candidates” who will never betray Trump.

“The key is the Republican primaries,” he said. “In many areas of the country, less than 10 percent of the population of a state will vote in a Republican primary. So if we get just the InfoWars audience energized and fired up to vote and get 50, 60, 70 percent of us to go out and vote, we can literally take over these primaries [and] put in InfoWars candidates, pro-Trump candidates, liberty and freedom candidates, Ron Paul candidates into these positions.”

  • Todd20036

    When I think of 33, I think of Keystone, which I think has the number 33 written on every bottle.
    Funny how the GOPers believe in magic and spells and witchcraft.
    And wonder why we “elites” point and laugh at him

    • I thought of the Smashing Pumpkins song. Is Billy Corgan causing the eclipse, maybe?!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYSbztCCTlA

      • Keroleen

        Ah, I doubt it – he spends too much time hanging around with Alex Jones these days. I’m sure he’s got some spectacular theories on what/who is causing it, though.

        • Really? Yikes. Didn’t know that.

    • Dramphooey

      Rolling Rock!

    • Dana Stinson

      You mean Rolling Rock, right?

      • Todd20036

        My bad!

    • boatboy_srq

      There was a yuuge boycott of Proctor and Gamble over some mystic reinterpretation of stuff printed on their products IIRC.

      • Also some brouhaha about Macy’s red star being a secret communist symbol…the ability of some to be to twisted in knots over nothing is beyond amazing.

      • David Walker

        You do. It’s a crescent moon, old guy’s face in profile, and a some-how significant number of stars around it. I can’t post the picture, but scroll about halfway down and you’ll see it.

        http://www.snopes.com/business/alliance/procter.asp

  • Jonathan Smith

    if the world is going to end, why are you begging donations?

    • Chucktech

      Spoiler alert: The world’s not ending and stoopid people send money.

      • David Walker

        Fortunately, not many of them read JMG. Or are able to decipher the language of the gays. Assholes.

  • liondon#iamnotatraitor

    I agree that some god somewhere is pissed off…. but it has nothing to do with gay marriage.

  • PickyPecker
    • Mark McGovern

      I just loved that total bitch.

      • Gregory B

        You, me and a host of discerning men everywhere.

  • Gustav2

    Holy Crap.

  • Daveed_WOW

    The face of evil. All three of them.

  • Greg B.

    Um…we have known that there would be an eclipse on 8/21/17 for a very very long time.

  • BobSF_94117

    Ya know, if you take 33 and multiply it by 2 people and add a six-pack you get 69 plus three cans for afterwards….

  • Cuberly
    • bambinoitaliano

      Black God was alerted by America flares of racism across the country. Some Nazis are gonna get a can of whoop ass.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      “We need to take our sun back!”

    • AtticusP

      Thanks, Obama.

    • It’s the souls of hateful pro-Tump and Nazi supporters being reflected in the Heavens – a sign from God – REPENT from hating your neighbour. Give everyone equal rights and that includes health care.

    • David Walker

      The applicable bit last about :30. Bob is an explorer showing slides of his expedition to find the seven lost cities of the Incas.
      https://youtu.be/M-TdCHvnDpY?t=4m51s

  • Ernest Endevor

    American evangelicalism has become a cargo cult. They build a plane out of boxes and watch for the real thing to land from the sky.

  • Dagoril

    Funny how literally EVERY FUCKING THING that happens is God telling people to repent. Maybe He should say what he wants in plain English or something.

  • Robert Anthony

    Wow I wish I had a dollar for every stupid thing I’ve read about the eclipse today. How has humanity made it this far with religious mind viruses so broadly accepted as valid ways of thinking?

  • Ninja0980

    The scary thing is if he wins the primary, he’ll be the next Congressman from Idaho.
    He’ll still have to go a long way to top Helen Chenoweth and Raul Labrador in the batshit insane and asshole categories though.

    • Beagle

      It’s also scary that he’s off to a good start in those categories.

  • Mark Née Fuzz

    It’s called science bitches.

  • Hank
  • JWC

    these drumm beating Chrlatans never miss a trick for money

  • Mikey

    The US really needs to institute rules for compulsory psychological fitness examinations for anyone intending to run for public office.

    There is an AWFUL lot of cuh-razy going on in the GOP.

    • canoebum

      But then the Jesus grifters will get psychiatry degrees from Liberty University and pronounce the most bat shit crazy as sane. You can’t let the Coastal Elites pick the psychiatrists and expect them to be fair to God’s Own People.

    • Joe in Wyo

      I’m not a fan of Dick Cheney but he once told my attorney that “we truly are a representative democracy” – i.e. there are a lot of nuts in Congress.

  • Ninja0980

    Fun fact about this district.
    Due to work, my uncle had to live in this district from 95-98 when Helen Chenoweth represented it.
    Suffice to say, by the time he left Idaho in the fall of 98, he had left the Republican Party as well, since a party that would have the likes of her in and reelect her is one he wanted no part of.

    • Mark McGovern

      Well you piqued my curiosity, so I read about her. Seems her disbelief in regulations did her in – killed by being thrown from a car while not wearing a seat belt, while other two occupants of vehicle survived with minor injuries. She sounded like a total bitch.

      • Lumpy Gaga

        Oh, I needed a laugh today. TY.

      • Ninja0980

        She was.
        All rankings have her as the most conservative woman to serve in Congress from 1919-2007 and she loved her some white supremacists and militia types.
        She even tried to make excuses for the OKC bombing.
        The fact she did and suffered no consequences for it is why my uncle left the GOP.
        As you said though, her dislike of government laws telling her what to do did her.
        Love karma, don’t you?

        • BlueberriesForMe

          Per Wikipedia: “When discussing the Endangered Species Act:

          “It’s the white, Anglo-Saxon male that’s endangered today.”
          (That was in 1994).

          Also, she had an extramarital affair but:

          “I’ve asked for God’s forgiveness, and I’ve received it.”

          Of course you did, Helen. Nothing like a Christianist to absolve themselves while criticizing others for the same thing.

          • Ninja0980

            Yup, same sex couples wanting equal rights was ruining marriage but hypocrites like her and Newt, a-okay.

      • BlueberriesForMe

        I can only assume that the car crash was the Lard’s Way of “calling her home”.

  • AtticusP
    • Mikey

      When I was a kid my father used to tell us: “And the Lord said unto Daniel ‘Come Forth’. But Daniel slipped on a pile of lion shit and came 5th”.

      • Bluto

        Your father sounds wise.

        • Mikey

          oh he was! he was!
          and he could have a group in hysterics with the absolute stupidest “dad jokes” you can imagine. he truly had a gift.
          I miss him sorely. He never got the chance to attend my wedding (he passed away a year before I got married), and never really got to know my husband (we had just met a few short months before my father died.) He was the most supportive dad anyone could imagine. I still have happy memories of him at the guitar, and me on oboe, playing baroque duets together when I was younger.

          • Bluto

            Dad jokes are simultaneously the worst & the best. It’s a gift the best dads possess.

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1da710e999d3471a88b2d1347d3928847a278fed76bd72723ef52d55edb956a4.gif

          • Joseph Miceli

            You got lucky . My dad tried to discourage me from moving to Florida by saying “Joe, there’s lots of sinkholes in Florida .”
            He wasn’t joking .

          • boatboy_srq

            And there are more sinkholes in FL daily (thanks, unscrupulous developers and golf course entrepreneurs!).

          • Joseph Miceli

            Like I told my dad ,” never once in seven years did I ever meet anyone who fell through the crust of the earth . :)”

          • Mikey

            my father would probably have called them “stinkholes”.. and yes, it would have been a euphemism for a$$holes.

          • Joseph Miceli

            Boy you’re not kidding . In South Florida the first two questions were always “what do you do” and “what kind of car do you drive.” Then the boring bitch asses and start talking about real estate . On and on and on with the real estate ! Much as I loved the climate and the beach , the people are much nicer here in New Orleans .

      • My father’s version was God said “Moses, come forth!” but he came fifth and lost his beer money.

    • bambinoitaliano

      Should have pick door number 2.

    • John

      This is today’s….WINNER!!!! BTW, I’m usually first 😉

    • JDS

      Or John cameth not at all for his balls were missing. 🙂

    • Larry in Oklahoma

      The key phrase is that John cum.

  • as a scholar of ancient religions, i remain fascinated by the way that people, usually stupid people or grifters, believe or pretend to believe that stellar phenomenon have something to do with human affairs. it’s so arrogant! even if you think the earth is flat, and the stars are sons and daughters of the sun on chariots floating upon a sea of night, it’s just… so self centered. the moon isn’t alive and it doesn’t give a shit about your mythology, cause, you know. it’s a lifeless rock. we’ve sent people there, and they confirmed it is not made of cheese, creme cheese, the milk of the breast of a goddess… nope. it’s just a big rock harnessed by the gravity of a larger body in the solar system in which you happen to live.

    but even given all the science and discovery of the last 2,000 years, there is still a large number of people who think their little, tiny, mortal lives are ‘affected’ by the position of stars and orbiting bodies, zillions of miles away. the human mind is an impressive thing, including in the way it can be delusional and self obsessed.

    • Chucktech

      You know, believing that their little, tiny, mortal lives are ‘affected’ by the position of stars and orbiting bodies, zillions of miles away really is no more nutty than the Son-God bullshit and they tend to be relatively harmless, unlike Son-God believers.

      I’d love to see christianity reduced to the same plane as astrology.

      • stuckinthewoods

        Truly. Believing your life is affected by the position of distant stars and planets is less strange to me than thinking your life affects a god.

      • kareemachan

        There’s a wonderful short story (Arthur C. Clarke, maybe?) where a priest has to come to terms that the star that shone for Jesus’ birth killed off an entire advanced civilization when it went nova.

        • Keroleen

          There was a pretty decent adaptation for the 80’s version of Twilight Zone – they gave it a more upbeat ending, but otherwise it was reasonably faithful to the source material. (relevant footage ends at 11:00, 12:00 if you want to see the credits)

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2XPV4CgHVo

        • Chucktech

          More “gawd’s mysterious ways” bullshit.

    • greenmanTN

      At least we get to control the weather! 😉

      https://youtu.be/x1rFAaAKpVc

    • Chris Baker

      Thinking a particular event, that was predicted decades ago because of the rhythms and patterns of objects in the solar system , is a sign of some warning, is as silly as saying that the sun setting at night was a sign. But we all know that.

    • Harveyrabbit

      I dunno. This shot from the famous 1902 documentary “A Trip to The Moon” by Georges Méliès contradicts your “theory” about the moon just being a lifeless rock.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5d6b8d57cd37c0be1b685d7f565016c4a9b2f41b075e6c39c1932c53a98aec36.gif

    • There is probably a distinction to be made between intentionality (the planets informed my destiny; homosexuality caused the earthquake) and physics (the moon affects the tides; sunlight facilitates photosynthesis). So, yes, our lives are indeed affected and in a large part dependent on those large bodies spinning around in the universe spewing their electromagnetic spectra and exerting gravity…and who knows what other quarks.

  • worstcultever
    • Todd20036

      I wouldn’t give $25 to get him reelected, but I might consider donating $25 to get that little girl away from that madman

      • Snarkaholic

        The expression on her face is downright disturbing…I shudder to think what they’ve told her.

    • ColdCountry

      That’s a joke, right? I just can’t tell anymore.

      • Kristenjhipp

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !al91d:
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  • Smokey

    I don’t understand the fear these folks exhibit about the state of the U.S.A. If anything their craziness, their ignorance, and their utter lack of compassion defines the problems we face. The eclipse is a sign, a sign of how much work we need to do so they don’t drag us through the looking glass.

  • FAEN

    And the lemmings will eat it up.

    • Ninja0980

      All that matters is that he has an R next to his name.

      • FAEN

        Sadly true.

      • Chucktech

        …and loves the Jeezy god.

    • jerry

      I actually went to his website to see where he’s from: Idaho. So, there’s a good chance that he could actually be elected…move over Gohmert, you’ve got new competition.

      • FAEN

        🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

  • Chucktech

    This putz represents the zenith of scientific animus and ignorance.

  • Stogiebear

    Idaho. Whew!!! Texas has Looney Louis Gohmert but somehow we missed this bullet. Everybody thank Jebus 33 times.

  • Tawreos

    Do a lot of christians celebrate Yom Kippur?

    • Dazzer

      If there’s good Jewish food to be had, I’ll give it a go.

      • grada3784

        Fasting on the Day of Atonement.

  • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

    “If we continue on the path that we are currently on”

    Now if the Democrats had the presidency, the senate and the house, we’d know what they mean by the “path we are currently on”. But the Republicans have all those branches of government. God so very clearly wants you to ditch the Republicans, doll.

    • JWC

      the DNC has lost itrs way The RNC are in power only for the sake of power Much as a doig may not want his bone he will feverently guard to prevent others from taking it away

    • Chucktech

      Plus 33 governorships. Plus 38 bicameral state legislatures.

      • Beagle

        There’s that 33 again.

    • kanehau

      The path of totality?

  • BJORN RAGNVALDR
    • Tomcat

      Hey, that’s trumps doctor.

      • Snarkaholic

        With a much nicer haircut.

    • Buford

      Indeed. I just love these complicated, cryptic theories about what God is trying to tell us via some sort of complex code when the truth is that He, being magic, could simply… I dunno… broadcast it directly into our brains, or literally write it in the sky.

      • David Walker

        And make eclipses unpredictable or random or at least not the property of smart people. Did InfoWars predict this? On the scary side, I hate when I agree with what these people say but not what they mean: “If we continue on the path that we are currently on, there is no future for our nation. Hopefully we can get America to wake up, because time is rapidly running out.”

  • IAMBOWLINGGREEN
    • Lumpy Gaga

      Very Drumplike.

  • HAAAAAAA
  • bambinoitaliano

    2017 the GOP still uses the boogeyman to scare the little people. And the sad part is these idiots are still living in the same fear and buying it.

  • boobert

    ‘A fool and his money are soon parted’ ! Donate $25, that just about says it all .

  • greenmanTN

    It appears the dung-heap just got a new King of the hill.

  • canoebum

    We live in a nation of idiots.

  • Texndoc

    I couldn’t even figure out on his website which state he was running in let alone district. Idaho. Says his two heroes are Rand and Ron Paul and that he’s a regular on the Alex Jones show and is anti vaccine and anti fluoride in the water. And there’s little martians living in his salt and pepper shakers.

  • Jeffg166

    What is he smoking?

    • Adam King

      Christianity. It makes ordinary people dumb as fuck.

      • OdieDenCO

        which came first, christianity or stupid?

        • Mikey

          yes.

        • Adam King

          The egg.

    • EdmondWherever

      There’s only so much harder I can laugh.

  • Bluto
  • jmax

    I’m in Kansas and we are currently at 98% totality. I can understand how primitive man would be scared shitless by something like an eclipse. But anyone alive today with an elementary school education and the ability to read who believes that gawd or satan or bad juju is responsible for this awesome natural phenomenon is purposely ignorant and deserves to be shunned.

    • boatboy_srq

      You’re in Kansas a/k/a Brownbackistan. Methinks you need to expand your definition of “primitive man” somewhat.

  • worstcultever

    Does anybody else think we might have reached Peak Stupid? That is, the stupids are so saturated in stupidity there’s no new vistas of stupidity to exploit (or depths to plumb)? I know what Twain and Einstein said, but still – look at the neo-nazis – they seem to have hit their limit vis-a-vis “normal” society. Oh well, a girl (even a very pessimistic girl) can hope ..

    • Tulle Christensen

      Stupidity is a bottomless pit

    • Mike__in_Houston

      I gave up a long time ago thinking there was a Peak Stupid. If I believed there was, I would have been sitting here basically at the end of every day since last November 8 thinking we had hit it that day. And then each new day would come and by the end of it I would be proven wrong once more. I think we hit it early today with the very idea of “InfoWars candidates.”

  • Dramphooey

    From the glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe we bring your complete insanity. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/35476776a40d55d058edb926d7f0a84a4087a6c583a79e45bfdfd756d13a9eb2.jpg

    • Lumpy Gaga

      [Running in circles]

  • Natty Enquirer

    He sounds like a numerologist to me. Burn the sorcerer!

    • Lumpy Gaga

      That adds up for me!

  • Judas Peckerwood

    “In a previous article, I noted that the first major city in the United States that the eclipse will cross is named Salem.”

    He’s either:

    A. Never been to a major city; or

    B. Never been to Salem

  • bambinoitaliano
  • TKW

    Why do they always fucking forget Hawaii?!? We are the 50th state and it hit here first! Only a partial eclipses thought like 33%…

  • skyweaver

    Or it could be the big guy upstairs really doesn’t like YOUR guy. But that doesn’t jibe with whatever bat signals you’re seeing out your window, so carry on

  • worstcultever

    Ooh, bout half an hour to go till (incomplete) totality here – KEWL!! – everything getting darker – a lot of the usual customers at my Boid Cafe just showed up en masse as if it were dinnertime (hey, maybe they’re just old and were there for the early bird special! hahaha i’m here all week)

  • Tawreos

    He does realize that had all life been wiped out when the dinosaurs went extinct and Earth was a lifeless ball of rock there would still be an eclipse today.

    • Jonathan Smith

      but…but….but…….GAWD!!!!!

    • Natty Enquirer

      Nuh-uh. There is an invisible man in the sky who made the earth for us and everything happens because of him and his twisted plans.

    • worstcultever

      You’re failing to account for the Dumpy-esque levels of human narcissism that drive this bullshit.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      But 333333333333333333333333!!!!!

      • 2guysnamedjoe

        That’s how many emails Killary deleted!

  • Tatonka

    By the looks of that photo, they’re both about to turn towards the dead-eyed toddler and shriek: “IT’S ALL FOR YOU, DAMIENELLA! IT’S ALL FOR YOU!”

  • Lumpy Gaga

    OMG, I just went outside and saw it.

    WE ALL GONNA DIE, ETHEL!!!

  • Mark

    It’s fucking science asshole. Eclipses happen every 18 months somewhere on the planet. Fuck, have we gone back to the 13th freaking century?

    • Mikey

      13th century? hells no! that would be a leap forward for these people.

    • zhera

      18×2=36. 36-3=33

      !!!!!! It’s a sign! The third eagle of fuckocolypse told me a while back that this means that Jeeziz will come down to Earth and piss on a Russian bed. This will be the start of the new flood and all sinners will be washed away.

      • Ken M

        3+3=6×6=36 etc

      • Mark

        Is it going to be a yellow flood????

      • 2guysnamedjoe

        66 times 66 times 10 is 43,560 square feet, which is one acre. It clearly means the lard will punish murica if we continue to defy His metric system

  • Lumpy Gaga

    Meanwhile, we got lucky. The sky cleared of clouds in the West.

    We’re about 20 minutes away from peak Satan for this area.

    • Mikey

      we’re already getting scattered hell-fire and the occasional demon flying past. it’s going to be VERY exciting.

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    “If we continue on the path that we are currently on, there is no future for our nation.”

    Then we must get rid of the orange one.

  • Blake Mason

    I farted five times on my way into work… it must be a sign that I am eating healthy.

    • 2guysnamedjoe

      Not on a public conveyance, I would hope.

  • zhera

    Yes, Christians, you should repent. Repent your bigotry, your greed, your hate, your sodomy (real, biblical sodomy), your lies and your theft.

    But will you?

    • BudClark

      They haven’t in the past 2017 years …

  • boobert

    I hope there were people screwing in their back yard holding the cum shot till totality. I wanna see some possessed eclipse babies !

    • Dazzer

      Ummm… Trump was born in a total eclipse (trufax).

      I don’t want eclipse babies to become a ‘thing’.

  • netxtown

    “…is this solar eclipse actually a warning that America should repent….”

    Well no. But 40 days could be just the right amount of time to teach your kids how to duck and cover. Donnie needs a ‘win’ in his column.

    • Ken M

      “Another” apocalypse, so send my campaign $25. eye roll

  • Lumpy Gaga

    I realize we’re achieving peak only 17 mins. from now, and it’s only gonna be 75% coverage, but I really thought it’d be darker by now, looking East.

    I don’t know if my spells are gonna work. I wish that voodoo shop on South Street hadn’t closed down. Don’t let Paula Dean tell you there’s a simple substitute for eye of Newt.

  • worstcultever

    Wow – finch party at the finch feeder – eight of em! Those purty little yeller thangs ain’t afeared o’ no ‘clipse!!

    • Alex in Idaho

      I had the usual finch fiesta just before the darkest time (we had 99.5% totality here). They quieted down for a few minutes, then resumed pigging out.

      O/T the newspaper says Neil Degrasse Tyson is somewhere in Idaho (undisclosed location) viewing the eclipse. He was spotted at a local ice cream parlor over the weekend. They (Delsa’s) have a hot fudge eclipse sundae, and Tyson also sampled the sweet potato/marshmallow ice cream (blech!).

      • Lumpy Gaga

        They (Delsa’s) have a hot fudge eclipse sundae

        You eat 0.5% and they take it away from you?

        • Alex in Idaho

          Nah, but several places have “shot glass sundaes” that have about 3 tablespoons full of ice cream–the size I need, but not the size I want.

      • worstcultever

        sweet potato/marshmallow ice cream

        Ashamed to say, that sounds Homer-Simpson-drool worthy to my inner sugar trash ho

        • Alex in Idaho

          Sweet potatoes are OK, but I loathe marshmallow

  • worstcultever

    K, around 15 mins to totality – gonna just go out and walk around and enjoy the lesser light

    (sorry, I probably should be blathering this stuff on the eclipse thread)

    • Lumpy Gaga

      123456789!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • TimCA

    I went to Snyder’s official campaign website linked above. It mentions his strong opposition to Agenda 21. Every time I see someone cite Agenda 21 in their campaign platform or materials I know then that I’m dealing with a real nut and there’s no reason to go any further.

    • Ben in Oakland

      Agenda 21 means no reason whatsoever.

  • Thorn Spike

    Making shit up = bearing false witness, Michael.

    • worstcultever

      NAAAAAAH! Also, you’re the puppet! /s

  • Lumpy Gaga

    Dorothy! Dorothy!

  • Ken M

    What do you call someone from Idaho? Actually want to know : )

  • Dana Chilton

    This guy is as far right fringe conspiracy driven loon as you can get. He says he’s an “anti politician” which makes zero sense considering he’s begging people for money and votes to make him a politician.

  • Harveyrabbit

    I love how these fucking idiots act like the eclipse event was just discovered a few weeks ago like it’s some big miracle it’s happening and no one knew about it except Jesus who created it. Someone should let these cretins know that eclipse events are predictable far into the future. A cursory google search found the ones that will happen in the 30th century….

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_solar_eclipses_in_the_30th_century

    • worstcultever

      OBAMA DID THIS JUST TO TRY AND DESTROY THE GREATEST PRESIDENCY EVER

      ALSO COMEY BECAUSE HE’S A SHOWBOAT

      WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!!!1!!1!!1!!!!

  • HKDaniel

    “and of course “Salem” is short for “Jerusalem”.”

    No, it’s not. Even that you got WRONG.

    • Ken M

      He would have done better with Salem being the home of Witchcraft in colonial America.

    • craigbear

      Oh, my favourite was the link to another blog post about how 40 days from now the sun and moon will both be in Virgo, thus fulfilling the thing in the book of Revelations about the pregnant woman who is clothed with the sun and has the moon beneath her feet.

      Er, dude, the sun and moon have both been in Virgo at the same time for a few days every damn year since the dawn of time. That’s why the “zodiac” is a thing: the sun and the moon are both always in one of them, so by definition the moon is always going to be in the same sign as the sun for two or three days every single month.

    • Todd20036

      Right? No one EVER called Jerusalem, “Salem”

  • That_Looks_Delicious

    Nine nine nine upside down is six six six. Michelle Bachmann told me so.

    • Ben in Oakland

      999 and 666 are 333 Multiplied by 3 and 2, respectively. Which makes them much more super duper than a mere 33

    • William

      Are you trying to summon Herman Cain?

  • Ken M

    All those numbers. Isn’t numerology a bit of a faith in it’s own right? Well, there is a book “Numbers” in the OT, I’m sure it’s all explained there. NOT

    • BudClark


      Arithmancy | Harry Potter Wiki | FANDOM powered by Wikia
      harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/ArithmancyArithmancy
      is a magical discipline that studies the magical properties of numbers,
      including predicting the future with numbers and numerology.”

      Doesn’t sound very KKKristianist to ME.

  • Charlie 2001

    At this point it would be much more worrisome (and more a sign of a Satan/devils) if the eclipse didn’t appear.

    But people believe what they want to believe and there is little to be gained from arguing about religion. My mom and dad attended church weekly (Presbyterian, like Donald Trump) as did I as a child. My mom kept up with the other members of the church and their needs (like if they were sick or recovering from being in the hospital). She visited teenagers who were in jail. I think of the church as being a community and professing belief in Christian dogma (the Nicene Creed) as being the charge for admittance. What do you suppose the beliefs are to be part of the JMG community?

    • boatboy_srq

      Lord Dampnut isn’t Presbyterian. He’s First Church of Mammon.

    • Ben in Oakland

      Intelligence and compasssion. And a damn good sense of humor.

    • William

      Growing up, we either went to the closest church, or the one the neighbors attended. I liked the Presbyterian church.

  • M Jackson

    Somebody please put some more kick in his kool-aid.

  • boatboy_srq

    So this wingnut is obsessing over the anti-Jeebus and supporting Lord Dampnut in alternating breaths.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada
    • Ben in Oakland

      How is your husband doing?

      • Jean-Marc in Canada

        Very well actually. Still in hospital but doing much better. Doctor says once the pneumonia is dealt with he should be able to come home and then we can start on his recovery. We got to wheel his bed into the solarium to watch the eclipse, it was only partial here, but still fun for him.

        • Ben in Oakland

          I’m glad he is recovering.

          We got no sign of an eclipse here in Ireland. It was badly overcast.

          • William

            I’d gladly give up sunshine to get out of Trumpland.

        • BudClark

          GOOD! HUGS TO BOTH! Bud-in-the-Desert

  • Ben in Oakland

    I’ve got 33 inches, myself.

    • 2guysnamedjoe

      You and whose quintet?

      • Ben in Oakland

        All right. I lied.

        I have only 30.

        Damn. You caught me.

  • Carl

    More proof there’s no such thing as a moderate republican. If any republican was truly moderate they would be Democrat by now.

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    Jesus fucking christ, how the fuck can we have 21st people with 5 century bce thinking? Eclipses are not dragons swallowing the sun or signs from gods. Fucking idiots.

    • boatboy_srq

      Remember, if Du Vois has her way, the (remaining) public schools will be required to teach stuff like that as science.

  • Robert Adams

    I’m proposing a law that says that until you understand science, you are hereby prohibited from using all the things that science has created, such as cell phones and social media, as a start.

    • William

      Electricity, safe drinking water, machine made clothing….

  • Christopher

    The Hubbinator and I were just postulating yesterday about…

    “How many cults are out there right now planning a ritual suicide during the eclipse ala Heaven’s Gate?”

    My response was “We won’t know until it’s over.”

    Anyone STILL chattering on about “End Times” after this has neither the courage nor convictions of their faith.

    Hear me out.

    If you’re the type of person that is ranting about “God’s wrath” or “Satan’s embrace”, then it would surely, and in my estimation unequivocally, should’ve just happened for all the world to see. Either God raptured you, or Satan just turned our world upside down. BOTH of which would’ve been verifiably witnessed by others and posted to the internet. I’m still waiting for the video.

    The ones who chose ritual suicide as a way out aren’t able for questioning. So who the fuck knows?!

    If you’re still alive to bitch and moan about the world, then I question your faith without reservation!

    At this point I’m literally at “Put up, or shut up!”

    • William

      I’m also waiting to hear how many car accidents were caused by people driving with their eclipse glasses on.

  • Clive Johnson

    Someone should run a serious mock competitive campaign against this guy.

    The accusation should be leveled that Snyder is not sufficiently astute numerologically.

    This alternative candidate should be speaking in tongues on campaign stops and regularly blasting the illuminati and insinuating that Snyder is aligned with them. ‘Did Snyder visit that pizza shop in DC? I’m just asking’. ‘Is Snyder taking money from ACORN?’

    Phrases like ‘Republican values’ and ‘conservative values’ should be uttered immediately before of after the most unhinged statements.

  • pgarayt

    Poor kid.

  • Robert Adams

    Funny how people who know the least think they have some inside, even scared, knowledge that’s been kept hidden from the rest of us. The irony is they can’t even agree on the interpretation of their own holy books.

  • David Raymore

    As Bea Arthur said in History of the World Part 1: Oh, a Bullshit Artist! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cb95fbbe9611a028f0b1ae14c4d1430fdf91e8aaac52d7b3a3a3294a12ae91b4.gif

  • Ninja0980
    • CB

      Ocam’s Razor, motherfuckers.

  • John Boily

    He should totally have kids and home school them!

    • grada3784

      It would be better if the kids home schooled him.

  • Pip
  • KnownDonorDad

    So, pretty much the worst possible candidate.

  • -M-

    So, 93 minutes, 132 or 133 days, and 33.29 weeks all equal thirty-three?

    Fun with numerology, where it’s all made up and means nothing at all.

  • orion dumptee

    another graduate of the cindy jacobs school of reasoning

  • Clair

    I celebrated the eclipse by sun worshipping in the nude. It is the only time us fair-skinned gingers can be exposed to the sun without blinding all those around us.

  • TexasBoy

    I think it means we have to kick Trump out within 33 days or face the Almighty’s wrath.

  • Priya Lynn

    I’m just so tired of the stupidity of people like this. If there was an all powerful and all knowing god and he/she wanted to communicate something to people he/she wouldn’t use vague ambiguous celestial events that have no direct linkage to any message to do so, he/she would communicate in a way that could easily be understood with clarity.

    • Gianni

      Yeah, in English so the whole world would understand.

  • Westcoast88

    The eclipse is a sign of the end of the Trump presidency

    • Gianni

      I’d sooner believe that than this other bullshit.

  • kareemachan

    Ye elder gods, and he’s already bred….

    • William

      I hope is wife is banging the doc catcher.

  • andrew

    We all know that he knows that what he is spouting is bull shit, but these immoral mutants will say or do whatever it takes to get themselves a cushy job.

  • Gianni

    We may be in the 21st Century, but there are still an awful lot of morons whose brains haven’t gotten past the Bronze Age.

  • JCF
  • William

    Are there any reports of mass suicides today?

  • Larry in Oklahoma

    Oh, enough with the numerology BS, Snyder. Everybody knows Salem has nothing to do with Jerusalem. SALEM is the brand name of a cigarette. They were introduced in 1956. Now, add in numerology of the cost, the fact that there’s 20 ciggys per pack, they can come in long or short…..I’m thinking there’s some sort of Biblical reading that one could do with THIS info, too.

  • Ore Carmi

    Duhhhh! *headslap* So, an astronomical event that scientists have been able to predict for thousands of years is somehow a warning from God about modern America?