Ted Nugent: I’m A Gay Pirate

We interrupt our weekend of Trump/Nazi news for a bit of fun had at the expense of Ted Nugent, who is apparently furious that he’s never been inducted to the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame. From the music site Metal Injection:

Proud statutory rapist Ted Nugent has had a long, and inarguably, successful rock and roll career, but one achievement has eluded him: a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction. When Albany Q103 host Tigman asked “the Motor City Madman” why that was, he seemed to have an idea.

But the real money quote is when the Nuge was asked how he felt that he is not in the Hall while “non-rock acts” like Madonna and Grandmaster Flash are in the Hall: “I mean, why don’t you just piss on Chuck Berry’s grave, you know what I mean?” stated Nugent, later adding, “Yeah, Grandmaster Flash is rock and roll. And I’m a gay pirate.”

See, he said it! No fake news here. Sure, he may have meant it sarcastically, but we are not ones to judge. Live your best life, Ted!

As you’ll see at the link, Nugent says he’s not in the Hall of Fame because they hate the Second Amendment. And not, you know, because he’s an open racist who never had a hit single or even a top ten album. And he certainly hasn’t been influential on the direction of pop music, as have Hall inductees who also had little commercial success.

  • Treant

    He can’t be a gay pirate. We don’t want him, and I’m sure the pirates would return his entrance fee as well.

    • David Walker

      These planks are made for walkin’.

  • Paula

    I am very happy to see that this issue bothers him so much.

    • TrueWords

      Poor little snowflake…

    • ElenorRigby

      He had a mostly short-lived career. People know who he is but he didn’t really leave much of a cultural dent. I once saw him on Politcially Incorrect bragging about how he was “part of the biggest rock tour last year.” He failed to mention that his “part” was one of the opening acts for Kiss. Nobody went to see you, Ted. They went to see Kiss. I was at that show. When you were playing, the stadium was ¾ empty.

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      • Librarykid

        His invitation to be part of the tour was like a pity fuck.

    • Joseph Miceli

      Well bless his heart !

      • FAEN

        That’s Southern for “go fuck yourself”

        😉

        Always good to see you man. Always good.

  • another_steve

    If he were part of the tribe, I’d turn heterosexual just to protest it.

  • ClevelandJim

    NO. He does NOT get to be a gay ANYthing!

  • zhera

    I have never heard any of his music. This pleases me greatly. Bigly, even.

    • another_steve

      Me too.

      Glad you broke the ice on this.

    • Todd20036

      He had one mediocre song “Cat Scratch Fever” that made the MTV rounds for a little while.

      Mostly, he’s known for draft dodging by feigning insanity – including shitting his own pants at the recruitment station, and for fucking children

      • olandp

        Feigning? Are you sure?

        • Todd20036

          Medical insanity, yes.

          Moral insanity, hell no

      • another_steve

        I had never heard of Eminem until that sordid incident where Elton John continuing to praise him even after Eminem sang songs with the moral equivalent of “death to fags” lyrics.

        I’ve never respected Elton John since then.

        • Todd20036

          No, and when Elton sang at Rush’s wedding, I knew Elton sold his soul for money.

          • Nowhereman

            I heard that he donated the money to charity, but still. I was disappointed that he sang at El Rushbo’s wedding, too.

          • Robincho

            On one of more charitable days, I presumed that Limbaugh’s $1M went to EJ’s Foundation. Money is fungible. The guy who really needs $10 isn;t gonna care that it smells of Rush.

        • MonochromeMouse

          To be just a little bit fair, Eminem has since apologized for some of his older songs’ lyrical content and has been, at least compared to other rap artists, a bit of an ally.

      • AtticusP

        There are people who would say that Ted Nugent wasn’t “feigning insanity”.

        I would leave it up to a jury to decide.

      • FAEN

        No wonder he’s with the party of ‘family values’ and ‘personal responsibility’.

    • Goodboy

      Here’s his all time hit from a long time ago.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I47floRRAFs

    • kelven

      Do your ears a favor and don’t ever change that.

    • Nowhereman

      If you ever want a taste, just look up his lyrics. Jail Bait for instance.

      • zhera

        No thanks, I’m good!

        • agcons

          Are you sure? The lyrics for “Wango Tango” are also magical. Why, Shakespeare himself could have written them!!

    • agcons

      You haven’t missed anything.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    Be like your career Ted, it’s dead.

    • another_steve
      • Todd20036

        He needs to take off the shirt, but not because I’m in any way offended by it.

        • another_steve

          Figured he’d bring out the prurient in you…

          • Todd20036

            You know me too well.

      • Ragnar Lothbrok

        OMG- Yesterday, at the State Fair, for some odd reason, we decided to view the Dairy Cow show. There was a young man there showing his prize Holstein and let me tell you – I just about hid in his Truck to go home with him. It is a very good thing that you weren’t there.

        • another_steve

          I’m bi.

          Men and boys.

        • Jon Doh

          My dog man, leave those poor dairy cows alone.

        • Acronym Jim
          • Ragnar Lothbrok

            Yep and we learned a lot from milking cows too 🙂

            ( parents sold dairy cows when I was 2, but we still had to milk a beef cow once a year or so to freeze her colostrum )

          • Reality.Bites

            Is that what you kids are calling it these days?

          • David Walker

            They’re also good, if memory serves, in rolling in it.

          • another_steve

            My man and I recently went to our county fair and I can attest to what Ragnar Lothbrok says above, re farm boys.

            Must be all the fresh air they get or all the newly-laid eggs their mamas cook for them… but I found myself hyperventilating on several occasions that day.

          • Acronym Jim

            I grew up in rural Northeastern Oregon. The most sexually frustrating time of my life.

          • another_steve

            I grew up in Brooklyn NY, in a neighborhood that was heavily Italian. All those swarthy dark and gorgeous boys.

            The most sexually frustrating time of my life.

  • AtticusP
    • Acronym Jim

      A pile of shit would certainly fit Ted’s M.O.

    • HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

      Calling The Nuge a pile of shit would be insuiting to piles of shit everywhere.

  • Paula

    Ted, maybe you should try getting some talent. Or at least some good
    anti-psychotics.

  • Adam Stevens

    I guess the only thing worse than being a special snowflake is finding out you aren’t one, huh, Nugey?

  • Henry Auvil

    Maybe it’s because of that crusty dried drool that’s perpetually parked under his lower lip.

  • Pat

    It’s because you’re a talentless jackass, Ted, and your “music” sucks.

  • Porkie

    Ted who?

  • In a related story, gay pirates have announced that they have nothing to do with Mr. Ted Nugent and want nothing to do with him.

    • Carl

      Aaarrrr, matey!!

  • ceeenbee

    I think in the bi-laws of who can be inducted into the R&R Hall of Fame, in Section 42, Subsection 9, it says that no rapist, draft-dodging scumbags who stop bathing and live in clothes that they had pissed and shit in before going to the draft board to avoid fighting for their country because they are chicken-Shit lowlifes will gain induction to the H of F.

    Section 3, subsection 5 says you must have a modicum of talent.

    Turd nugent fails on both counts.

  • Carl

    Right wing celebrities are always the d-list. I’ve noticed the trend.

    • David Walker

      Now, how can you say that? What about… No, I guess I was thinking about… Isn’t… Come to think of it, I think you’re right.

  • Michael R
    • Silver Badger

      Absolutely on target!

  • JoeMyGod
    • kelven
    • Todd20036

      He could pay people $5 to sit at his show, and the tickets would still be overpriced.

      • David Walker

        And the house just as empty.

    • Octavio

      Dear Joe: This tid bit fills me with glee.
      Thank you.:-)

    • Nowhereman

      That warms the cockles of my heart.

    • Karl Dubhe

      Maybe he should have tried a concert at a school for the deaf?

      /I’m going deaf, I’ll not be missing noises that he produced.

  • kelven

    From Wikipedia: The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame… recognizes and archives the history of the best-known and most influential artists, producers, engineers, and other notable figures who have had some major influence on the development of rock and roll.

    That’s not you Ted.

    • Carl

      But they did let KISS in.

      • Paula

        Hey, they just want to rock and roll all nite….

    • Reality.Bites

      Only reason I ever heard of him was he was a laugh-line in a Robin Williams riff about Jesus coming back and this time he’s mad and won’t be looking like Ted Nugent.

  • Ninja0980

    Oh do fuck off you drafting dodging pedophile.

  • Bluto

    I understand why his song “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang” would appeal to our glorious orange leader & his fellow “all the gurls want our dicks” nazis, but fuck you, that’s why.

  • Ted who?

    • M Jackson

      “Cat Scratched The Sofa” or something or other.

      • Karl Dubhe

        That’s why my sofa is covered in blankets. He’s not scratching it now.

        Just shedding on it. 🙂

    • Robincho

      Nougat. Dead Nougat…

  • Sam_Handwich
  • SoCalGal20

    WAY OT but just a reminder that this important story came out about Mueller’s investigation. So Trump will be doing everything he can distract from it. Hopefully Rachel will be reporting on it on Monday.

    https://twitter.com/nytimes/status/896744409018101762

    • blackstar

      This,

    • Keroleen

      In an interesting bit of synchronicity, Don Henley’s “Dirty Laundry” was playing on the radio when I came across this. Here’s hoping.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    I could really care less about Ted Nugent. In the 70’s I liked Cat Scratch Fever. He’s a draft dodging piece of shit chickenhawk who shit his pants for weeks and today he is just another voice screaming insanity from the right wing. A voice that has always been insane. Next.

  • TrueWords
    • Carl

      Yo ho!

      • David Walker

        I’ll add a second ho and a bottle of rum.

        • Acronym Jim

          Jinx!

      • Acronym Jim

        There’s two of them; it should be yo ho ho. They provide a valuable service.

    • Treant

      I need to inspect their poop deck.

      • TrueWords
        • another_steve

          One of two possibilities here:

          (1) Photoshop, or

          (2) There is a God.

          • Acronym Jim

            (3) Gay porn star.

          • Mike_in_the_Tundra

            I choose to believe the latter.

          • Galvestonian

            It’s not photoshop as I remember him from a Gay magazine that I had that was at the very least 20 years old. (I got off to that photo more than once).

          • Bad Tom

            A renewable natural resource!

          • another_steve

            Holy Mother of freakin’ Zeus.

            Thanks for the info.

          • Spray on abs

            I had this pic saved on a floppy disc…it’s an old pic for sure.

        • JT
        • Kyle Deetz

          **gasps and clutches pearls**

          • Silver Badger

            Pearls are not exactly what this picture makes me want to clutch!

        • Joseph Miceli

          Colt ?

      • I just wanna see their planks.

    • Lazycrockett

      and you know those 2 fought over who had to carry the backpack.

    • Octavio

      Arrrrrrh!

    • Reality.Bites

      When I see candid photos of really cute guys like these I think “Oh well, I can at least be happy knowing they think they look a lot better at home in the bathroom mirror.”

      My boyfriend’s a photographer, but his casual selfies are nothing special.

      This guy in BC, in addition to his paid work on weddings, etc., instagrams himself and his boyfriend.

      https://www.instagram.com/alexbischoff1/?hl=en

      • FAEN

        Hot abs but too thin for me.

    • FAEN

      Not bad at all.

  • Rebecca Gardner
    • Hank

      Thanks, Becca, he is one of my favorite “pirates”!!!!

    • David Walker

      Great skull, super crossbone.

      • Reality.Bites

        You win all the Internets today David.

    • Reality.Bites

      Who wants to walk the plank?

      Or at least lick it?

    • Silver Badger

      Now there’s a gay pirate. Gay Ted, eat your heart out.

  • David Walker

    OT, but I spent last night listening to Barbara Cook’s CDs and being thankful that there was this incredibly beautiful voice in the world…or at least in a country…so full of shit. I cannot stop listening to “In Buddy’s Eyes” or “Will He Like Me?” or “Errol Flynn” or “Good Night, My Someone” or “Glitter and be Gay” or “Sweet Dreams” and so many, many more. I keep repeating that she was a song’s best friend because she was.
    She retired, she died, her music lives on, I mourn and celebrate her talents.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIVkVBPrk1E

    • Hank

      I have @ 8 albums of hers and I saw her in concert @ 12 years ago at the Kennedy Center. She was phenomenal!!! I listen to her albums often for a touch of beauty in my life! So, sometime, I would like to spend an evening listening with you. 😉

    • Hank

      This is one of my favorites…
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_G4JNMURj4

      • David Walker

        And she hadn’t even sung Sondheim before and had only a couple of days to learn it. She was an incredible force.

    • M Jackson

      That was enough beautiful music to lead to your beautiful tribute. My favorite has to be her take on “This Nearly Was Mine”. She was a legend like no other. She brought us ice cream!

  • Hanwi

    Bitch please, he had like what, two good songs? A borderline one hit wonder in my book.

  • teedofftaxpayer

    Perhaps he’s not in there because his music is shit.

  • Nowhereman

    Maybe it’s the lyrics to your songs, Ted. “Jail bait” is one example. Your music sucks, too. Same ole same ole.

  • Nowhereman

    What’s with the haircut? Is he running for Congress?

  • JWC

    Ted Nugent is a waste of anyones time

  • Dagoril

    Oh please. Vanilla Ice has left more of a mark on our culture. And it’s not exactly a huge mark.

    Nuge will only be remembered as a rapist, and as a guy who deliberately shit his pants to get out of the draft.

    • greenmanTN

      Ted Nugent has left a mark on American culture. A skid mark.

  • Daveed_WOW

    I just don’t want him to be.
    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/LqQCyAQBgXY/hqdefault.jpg

  • bkmn
  • Silver Badger

    Perhaps we should applaud Ted for coming out at such an advanced age. As we older ones can tell you being an older gay is not for sissies. Hence forth, let him be referred to as gay Ted.

  • Mike in NC

    I hope not! Nobody wants a lousy bottom who shits his pants!

  • Mark Elie

    uncle Ted is fucking awesome and he does belong in the rock and roll Hall of Fame. Go Ted!!!!!!!

    • Silver Badger

      As this is your first comment, you may not know that sarcasm is followed by a /s indicator. Otherwise you may get flamed. Friendly fire mostly, but still fire.

    • secretlab

      Russian troll farms are into mid-charting (highest chart position #30 Billboard) 70’s rock? Tsk tsk.

  • Gerry Fisher

    …and “Cat Scratch Fever” wasn’t that good.

  • LovesIrony

    He belongs in the fecal hall of fame

  • Stogiebear

    Sorry Teddie, that title is already taken by Austin Ruse. Maybe you two should just dookie it out to see who comes away with the sash.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/85da79296b5d85865778d3610266d2b01dbbd9eccf563823cf07e55a065b411d.png

  • Chris Gardner

    Who is this Madonna person they speak Of? Haha

  • JDS
  • Professor Barnhardt

    Politics aside, he had some good tunes. His first hit with the Amboy Dukes has held up for almost fifty years.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Journey_to_the_Center_of_the_Mind

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCR3GSXGFc4

    Yes, that video is pretty hard to believe, but it was the sixties. Good luck finding threads like those anywhere.

    • DaMoldBrok

      He looks like he was stoned out of his mind in that vid.

    • leastyebejudged

      Even this song lyrically is a rip-off of the era, he’s always been a lying parasite, he’ll always be little more than a lying parasite.

  • Galvestonian

    Has he ever sung anything original that was anywhere near the top ten ???

  • theonlyseven

    He thinks he deserves a participation trophy.

  • andrew

    Few people like to bestow honors on scum. That’s why Nugent is not in any Hall of Fame. If they establish a Hall of Shame and he is not inducted, he has a real right to protest.

  • JCF

    Again, I get to say:

    I am an EYEWITNESS to the “Nuge’s” racism. In a Michigan diner, c 2004 (I nearly lost my breakfast, when I heard the racist shit he said. N word this, N word that.)

  • leastyebejudged

    He has not earned an induction, the child molesting draft dodging scumbag.

    And God help the R&RHOF if they ever DO induct him.

  • KaBoomBOX

    Yeah, it can’t have anything to do with him not being much more than a minor act/one hit wonder.

  • Raising_Rlyeh
  • margaretpoa

    If three really simple riffs get you in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, then it’s just meaningless.

  • FAEN

    It’s your racism, misogyny, homophobia and xenophobia stupid.

  • They just don’t like you Ted. Your music is shit and so are you.

  • HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

    He was famous for about 5 minutes for playing the most basic, mediocre kind of dive bar boogie out there. That’s not compelling enough for a greatest hits album, let alone induction into the HOF.

    That, plus the fact that he’s a vile piece of shit, means it ain’t likely to happen.