Anne Graham Lotz: The Coming Solar Eclipse Is A Sign Of God’s Angry Judgment Unless It Totally Isn’t

“In light of Ezekiel 33:1-6 that commands a watchman to be faithful to warn others of the danger coming against the land, I feel compelled to issue the warning once again. The warning is triggered by the total solar eclipse of August 21, 2017, nicknamed America’s Eclipse. For the first time in almost 100 years, a total solar eclipse will be seen from coast to coast in our nation. People are preparing to mark this significant event with viewing parties at exclusive prime sites.

“The celebratory nature regarding the eclipse brings to my mind the Babylonian King Belshazzar who threw a drunken feast the night the Medes and Persians crept under the city gate. While Belshazzar and his friends partied, they were oblivious to the impending danger. Belshazzar wound up dead the next day, and the Babylonian empire was destroyed.

“Jewish rabbi’s have historically viewed solar eclipses as warnings from God to Gentile nations. Therefore, my perspective on the upcoming phenomenon is not celebratory. While no one can know for sure if judgment is coming on America, it does seem that God is signaling us about something. Time will tell what that something is.” – Anne Graham Lotz, sister of Franklin Graham, writing for her personal site. (Via The Friendly Atheist)

  • HomerTh
    • HomerTh

      Graphic of White Jesus’s next temper tantrums.

    • I count that totality stripe transiting just two Blue states and seven-to-nine Red ones, depending.

      God hates Republicans.

    • TrueWords

      God is one ANGRY son of a bitch….

    • FuzzyOtter

      I just don’t even know how to respond to someone that sees portents in a completely predictable event.

      • William

        You can put on a show for the not too bright.

        • Snarkaholic

          Don’t let her read Plato’s Cave Allegory!!!!!!!!!

      • Adam King

        It’s evening, and the sun’s going down. God must be angry! It’s the end of the world!

        • charemor

          God gets pissed off very easily.

          • Joseph Miceli

            “Every sperm is sacred,
            every sperm is great,
            if a sperm gets wasted,
            God gets quite irate…..”

            Monty Python’s “The Meaning of Life.”

          • Librarykid

            God should not have put it in such a fun to play with dispenser.

        • Steverino

          Elton John sang “don’t let the sun go down on me.” I dunno, if the sun went down on me, that would be pretty hot!

          • Librarykid

            I thought that was “Don’t let your son go down on me.” I guess I heard it wrong at first.

          • (((GC)))

            Excuse me while I kiss this guy…

          • prixator

            Is that you, Jimi?

      • Dagoril

        The sun came up again! God hates you!!

      • Cattleya1

        Imbecile preaching to the truly stupid.

        • Snarkaholic

          “Don’t call me illiterate…my parents were married when I wuz born!” ~Anne Graham Lotz, probably
          And, while we’re on the subject of Anne(a)Grahams, here are just a few (of more than 4,000(!) for her name:
          1. Hangman Zeal Rot
          2. Ghana Tzar Lemon
          3. Hangar Malt Zone
          4. Analog Man Hertz
          5. Raglan Matzo Hen
          6. Organza Ham Lent
          7. Marathon Lag Zen
          8. Lama Gonna Hertz
          9. Amazon Large Nth
          10. The Amazon Gnarl
          11. Halogen Man Tzar
          12. Agent Harm Zonal
          13. Hazel Nag Matron
          14. Hazel Mango Rant
          15. Learn Nag Matzoh
          16. A Raglan Zen Moth
          17. Gala Harm Zen Not
          18. Alarm Hag Zen Not
          …and, most appropriately…
          19. Anal Graze Month!

          • Joseph Miceli

            Is it Anal Graze Month already? I’ll just pop on over to Hallmark and get a card.

      • Tom Mears

        God has pre-ordained the eclipses on these dates because He knows, in his infinite wisdom, that someone in the US will commit a heinous sin the day after. He is pre-warning us of the events. It’s kind of like the Minority Report.

        Of course several of these appear to predict it will be the US and Mexico or Canada who will be punished.

    • Thanks for posting that Homer!

    • Adam King

      Isn’t that a beautiful image! Science is wonderful.

      • David Walker

        Srsly. I mean, what had god wrought last time? 100 years ago would have been 1917. The end of the war to end all wars. How horrible was that?

  • bkmn
    • another_steve

      We all have faith in things. We have faith that our hearts will be beating an hour from now, but there’s no proof of that.

      Faith in things comes with being human.

      • Adam King

        That’s a different meaning of the word “faith.” “Faith” in things we can actually see, measure, test and predict is not the same thing as religious faith. That’s just sensible confidence that things will happen the way they usually do.

        • another_steve

          Respectfully, Adam, “sensible confidence” is also the way that many good and well-meaning religious — gay and straight – describe their faith in their deity.

          It’s all “faith.” Much of science is, in fact, faith.

          There’s a very very very high probability – but no guarantee – that the sun will rise tomorrow.

          • Adam King

            Nobody’s claiming absolute certainty, except, of course, people of faith. Science does not rely on faith in any way. That’s an equivocation. Science makes testable predictions all the time, and has an excellent track record. None of them are faith-based, ever.

          • another_steve

            Do you or do you not believe that the sun will rise tomorrow – and if so, what is the “proof” backing up your belief?

          • Adam King

            Science doesn’t deal in “proof.” That’s mathematics. The theory of gravity and understanding of celestial motion is very well understood. Read an elementary science textbook.

          • Sporkfighter

            I took a class called Celestial Mechanics in college. I learned the math, I learned the physics, and then I tested the math and physics by making a detailed and specific prediction. That my prediction proved to be spot on within the limits of observation verifies the physics and the math.

            Science: It works.

          • another_steve

            So allow me to channel an imaginary well-meaning LGBT person of faith and suggest what s/he might say on point.

            (A reminder: I personally am not a theist.)

            ——————-

            I took a class called “Faith in Practice” in college. I learned about its history, its tenets and the testimonies of the faithful like Martin Luther King Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi. Then I tested the principles of it by practicing it and seeing how it impacted my life. That my life changed and I became a better, more understanding and compassionate human being verifies its principles.

            Faith: It works.

          • Sporkfighter

            I call it empathy, compassion, and courage. You have to feel others’ needs and sorrows , you gotta care when they’re suffering, and you have to do what’s best for others when you could be doing what’s best for yourself.

          • Steven Jaeger

            any thing that relies on testimonials is not science!!!!!! Testimonials are not worth the spit they are said with.

          • another_steve

            Not worth the spit they’re said with? Really? What you and I testify to isn’t worth shit?

            When you testify to how something moved you and forever changed your life, not worth shit? Not as meaningful and real and demonstrable as, say, a lab experiment?

          • Steven Jaeger

            Actually the sun never rises technically, our spinning brings it back into view, the sun is not moving (at least not in that way) , both it and the solar system are moving at >800000 KM per hour around the milky way, and the milky way in aggregate besides spinning is also moving at 2100000 KM per hour through the universe. All this movement should blow the sky fairy out of our sky.

          • another_steve

            The scientific details are interesting but somehow not the “end of story” to a person of faith.

            The good-willed, insightful people of faith I know are curious and ask questions. They recognize “mystery.” All the ancient mystics recognized the existence of mystery, which they put into words in their own unique and culture-specific ways.

            If you’re a scientist and point to the Big Bang as the origin of the universe, the question arises in the minds of the curious – those who don’t glibly dismiss mystery as “religious hogwash” – “What was there before the Big Bang?”

            “Why was there a Big Bang in the first place?”

      • RaygunsGoZap

        You have faith your heart will continue to beat in an hour. I have a reasonable expectation that mine will.

      • Cattleya1

        Nobody promises us tomorrow.

  • William

    Eclipses. Okay, it was the same eclipse.

    https://youtu.be/j13oJajXx0M
    https://youtu.be/NCO6cm0tIoY

  • Natty Enquirer

    Are we dealing with another college dropout here? The English plural of rabbi is rabbis. Step away from the apostrophe, dunce lady.

    • JoeMyGod

      I almost put that in bold.

      • Natty Enquirer

        You could throw in a [sic] just to be mean.

        • TominDC

          It’s not mean if it’s true/accurate!

        • tim870

          And a “bad” just to be topical.

        • Marydruss

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      • (((GC)))

        I do somewhat miss your “bolding is motherfucking mine”, at the same time I’d like to see words related to sex and genitals and such disappear from our lexicon of insults and swearwords. (Literal) fucking is often one of life’s intense, incomparable joys, an “egalitarian pleasuring party” unlike any other; we don’t need to connect it with domination and hate.

    • William
    • GayOldLady

      She has the 5th grade edjukayshun.

      • WitlessProtection

        She doesn’t use that word since a sound like “jew” in it…

    • charemor

      We are lucky she didn’t call them rabbits.

    • JDS

      Or Rebbes, Rab, etc.

    • Librarykid

      Stupid, ignorant grifting low class snake oil huckster from a traveling medicine show trying to take us back to medieval superstitions surrounding the eclipse with a poorly connected Bible reference. Does she want a monetary contribution to protect us from the dangerous rays? Go straight to hell, Mrs. Slotz, I mean Lotz, as in lotz of money. There is nothing wrong with watching a spectacle of nature and learning about what causes it. I guess she is another of these people who denies science because it challenges her weak, manipulative religion. I hope that when she needs medical science, it will not be able to help her.

    • Rocco Gibraltar

      The dumb fuck Christians, who have all been home schooled, think an apostrophe equals an exclamation point. It says, “look at me.” Plural vs possessive means nothing to them.

      • (((GC)))

        We know better. In English grammar the apostrophe is used to indicate:
        1. Omitted letters, as in “we’ll” or “wasn’t” (true even for “won’t” which came from an older word “wonnot”);
        2. Possession in various senses, as in “Jane’s sister” or “Beth’s book”;
        3. Plurals of individual letters and such, as in “This sentence has two c’s”;
        4. An inner level of quotation marks, if you’re not using typographic (curly or slanted) single quotation marks; and
        5. “Beware of oncoming ‘s’!!”, especially on grocers’ signs.

    • Sporkfighter

      It’s called the “homeschool apostrophe rule”.

      • Joseph Miceli

        “How many Christian’s does it take to make sure them trangendered don’t go in the ladys room?”
        You have to use proper punctuation.

    • Todd20036

      More like a high school dropout who got a college “degree” at some School of Religious Dumbfuckery

      • Octoberfurst

        Hey now, The School of Religious Dumbfuckery is a serious institution! Virtually all the great televangelists graduated from there: Jerry Falwell, D. James Kennedy, Jimmy Swaggart, Pat Robertson, Jim Bakker, etc. It’s based in Biloxi Mississippi–(of course) and is affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention—(of course.)
        It is run by Rev Cletus Delroy Spuckler and his lovely wife April May June and the intensive 6 month curriculum offers such great courses as:

        1) Why gullible idiots make the best parishioners.
        2) How to use crazy conspiracy theories to your advantage.
        3) Why science is an invention of Satan.
        4) Why God wants you to have a 60 million dollar private jet.
        5) How young is too young? A Biblical view on sex.

        And much,much more! Apply now and get a set of Ginsu knives for only $19.95!

    • Herald

      She thinks that the natural result of the earth revolving around the sun is a sign that an invisible man in the sky is angry at us, and your concern is grammar?

      • Tom Mears

        What is this “earth revolving around the sun” nonsense? Mrs. Graham-Crackers will be quick to point out that the bible has numerous references that the sun & moon revolves around the earth. Joshua 10:13, Psalms 19:4, 50:1, 93:1 and 96:10 , Isaiah 38:8, Malachi 4:2 1 Chronicles 16:30, and Ecclesiastes 1:5 etc.

        😉

    • Dale Snyder

      Lynne Truss approves.

  • safari

    But what about the Blood Moons?!?

    • bkmn

      Don’t confuse them with all that menstruation talk.

    • Uncle Mark

      I prefer moons that don’t bleed out of their wherever

  • Benji

    These people are crack-pots!

  • bkmn

    Thinking especially of Anne ‘Grifter for Life’ Graham Lotz on this one.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6967ac7824a3f1c8bf914c6691f98561c596d5c1158053c2839b547122c0e03d.jpg

    • Librarykid

      Good heavens! There are women’s shoes (2 pair) visible. I did not know there were women Kluxers. I thought they were all like Lurleen Wallace in that spoof Tide ad in Mad in the early 60s where she talked about how Tide got the stains and dirt out of the bed sheets George wore on his night rides. Here are two women not at home doing the laundry. Amazing.

  • AtticusP

    Anne Graham Lotz is Victor/Victoria come to life.

    She actually looks like a woman playing a man playing a woman to me.

    • Natty Enquirer

      She reminds me of Terence Stamp in drag.

      • William

        Ralph!

      • AtticusP

        You’re right! She’s a dead ringer for Bernadette/Ralph in “Priscilla”.

        • JDS

          Someone ought to up to her and call her Ralph!

  • Some people are entirely too stupid to live and I find myself idly wishing they’d suddenly forget how to breathe.

    I’m really sick to fucking death of indulging the idiotic myth-believing anti-science childishness of otherwise grown adults who ought to fucking know better than to peddle this ignorant bullshit.

    Their stupidity should not be indulged or tolerated any longer.

  • HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

    She looks constipated.

    • nocadrummer

      It’s because she’s full of sh!it.
      And she gets too much sun, which will make white girls have skin like untreated cowhide.

  • Hanwi

    “Jewish rabbi’s have historically viewed solar eclipses as warnings from God to Gentile nations…”

    I guess it’s a good thing the US is a secular nation…

    • Ancient Jewish rabbis also didn’t have telescopes or understand celestial mechanics.

      • William

        We know ahead of time when an eclipse will happen.

        • Uncle Mark

          I guess that makes the Almighty all too predictable.

        • I know. Only ignorant myth-and-fairy-tale believers pretend this shit is a divine unknowable mystery and sign from their angry sky god.

          • William

            We’re due another warning on April 8, 2024. It’s anyone’s guess what the warning is about.

          • clay

            But . . . but . . . that’s a (magical number of) seven years away!

          • Stogiebear

            Since that one appears to be crossing directly over Dallas, I’m certain Missy Jeffress will tell us all about its portents.

        • Steverino

          That means we are prophets!

          • grada3784

            But not profits.

    • Librarykid

      I think “Jewish rabbis” is redundant, not that she would know anything about Judaism or the principle of redundancy.

  • Uncle Mark

    Drop the Bible, and get a damned science book for once !! (And y’all aren’t even reading the damned bible anyway)

  • Bryan

    It’s science, not mythology, you dolt.

    • alguien

      remember, she’s someone who probably believes the bible is a science textbook.

      • Librarykid

        and a civics text as well as a law book.

  • Adam Stevens

    LOL. She’s an ADULT human being. Can you even imagine? Poor thing.

    • Librarykid

      Bless her heart. We will remember her in our thoughts and prayers–not.

  • M Jackson

    Just think, if the entire menagerie at CBN could find a way to convert the magnitude of their stupidity into a power to do good in the world.

    Ok, now back to drinking.

    • Christopher

      Their bible IS fond of slavery. So they would still be doing “god’s work”.

      Just sayin’.

  • Christopher
    • Todd20036

      Reminds me of when Sakka had to deal with a bunch of people who were adamant that a fortune teller was always true, even to when their entire village was nearly destroyed by a volcano.

  • SilasMarner

    Holy crap lady, what has what you said got to do with anything?

  • IAMBOWLINGGREEN

    Hypocrisy, and making it up as you go along, is in the christian psyche..

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ac5f21ae0363a38c901fa71daed592cb79e94cfd21d5784358678c5b0ac034ea.jpg

    • shellback

      A woman was telling me about her successful cancer surgery. At the end of her tale, she thanked god. I did not hesitate to say: Did you thank the doctors? They probably had something to do with your success, as well.

    • Steverino

      Pre-scientific thinking is a terrible thing.

  • TrueWords
  • shellback

    Anne, stare at it. It’s the only way to save yourself from slipping off the edge of Earth.

  • safari
    • They’re poking Donald to see if he’ll squeal like a stuck pig again.

    • Bad Tom

      They’re going to attack the waters near Guam?
      Like Caligula ordered his Praetorian Guard to do?

      If they collect enough sea shells, perhaps that will calm Kim Jong-un down.

  • Sam_Handwich
    • safari

      I usually go for the 85+ waterproof. Yes, I know it doesn’t matter when the numbers get that high…. but I burn in a car.

  • Stogiebear
    • safari

      Complete relaxation

      • Stogiebear

        Alt-relaxation.

    • “Luckily I still got a tight grip on the anal beads.”

      • Adam King

        Little does she know they’re still around her neck.

        • clay

          And we can all imagine how they ended up there.

          • Adam King

            I do not wish to imagine that.

        • Dagoril

          Pearls around that leathery face are a Fashion Don’t/

      • Snarkaholic

        “Yes, they are now securely around my neck…because I just pulled my head out of my ass!”

  • another_steve

    “Jewish rabbi’s have historically viewed solar eclipses as warnings from God to Gentile nations.”

    “Jewish rabbi’s”? Is that like “Catholic popes”?

    My mama’s rabbi told her I was destined for greatness. I was 12 and he was 91, and he knew.

    He could see it.

    • Adam King

      Apostrophes have historically had no place in plurals. Graham raised an ignorant, semi-literate, superstitious daughter.

    • Mikey

      Amusing when you understand that her “Jewish” rabbis consider these “Christians” to be Gentiles.

      • another_steve

        Most Jews I know – religious or (as I am) cultural-only – consider the goyim to be quite amusing.

        I’m married to one and can attest to the fact that they’re amusing.

    • Ben in Oakland

      Lusting after Jared does not qualify as greatness.

    • Bad Tom

      It’s more like “Catholic pope’s”.

      • Steverino

        Catholic pope’s altar boy’s…

    • Librarykid

      and, outside of your mother’s eyes, are you great?

      • another_steve

        Not only am I great, I am fabulous.

  • Chris Baker

    I thought Nov 9, 2016 was known as “America’s Eclipse”?

  • Uncle Mark

    Honey, a great darkness fell over this country January 20, 2017. The moon has nothing to do with it, unless you are referring to the giant ass in the White House

  • octobercountry

    I am speechless (almost) at the blatant stupidity of this woman.

    • Steverino

      Always keep in mind, with her brother, it is all about the Franklins.

  • AtticusP

    I’m guessing astronomy isn’t Anne’s strong suit…

    • Thinking isn’t.

      • Ben in Oakland

        Strong isn’t.

        • Todd20036

          Anne isn’t

    • Sporkfighter

      Can stupidity be a strong suit?

  • Silver Badger

    Grifters gotta grift.

  • Talisman

    or, you know, it’s a purely natural phenomenon that means absolutely nothing.

    • Uncle Mark

      Yeah, but just look at that “woman.” There isn’t much about her that looks natural at all, so you can excuse her from understanding anything about nature

    • Mikey

      oh my gawd! the sun will rise tomorrow morning! it is surely a sign of gawd’s displeasure with everything wrong with the world…. that he could fix with a snap of his finger if he existed.

  • O/T: Discovery’s gonna be fun on this one.
    https://twitter.com/TPM/status/895404616241860613

    What it also strongly suggests is Bolling’s already been handed his pink-slip by Fox News.

    • Uncle Mark

      So basically he’s had his balls handed to him…or at least the pictures of them

      • Octavio

        More like a photocopy.

      • Ben in Oakland

        Probably some one else’s balls.

  • Uncle Mark

    Ugh…I’ve seen beef jerky with a healthier glow than her skin has. A total eclipse could only help her…and those of us, who have to look at her.

  • Adam King

    Ignorant, barbaric nonsense from the Christian grifters. Just another day.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    She looks very……… Severe

    • Natty Enquirer
      • Octavio

        I just lost any future erections for the next three weeks.

      • Adam King

        What’s she just about to bite into?

        • clay

          Whoever did that to her nose and eyes?

      • Ben in Oakland

        A smite without joy, mirth, happiness, or love.

        The smile of a dead person.

      • Karl Dubhe

        I wouldn’t have thought the Graham’s would be so accepting of a transgendered daughter.

        Wait, what?

      • BearEyes

        bad facelift

    • Librarykid

      Filled with Christian kindness and love. She does have a grudge against the sun for having aged her because she spent too much time out in it without sun screen.

  • WitlessProtection

    We should all send her a tin-foil MAGA hat…

  • More mental illness on parade.

  • Cuberly

    “While no one can know for sure if judgment is coming on America, it does seem that God is signaling us about something. Time will tell what that something is.”

    Now, about that tithe…..

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1ff54701087cfdbeffc58091d3ea4e7984535fad6b1243ef0827856df0831b22.jpg

  • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

    Actually, the diagonal path of the eclipse across the US looks like God is drawing an international no-no sign across the country.

  • popebuck1

    So, what does it signify that scientists have been SUCCESSFULLY predicting each and every solar and lunar eclipse for thousands of years now?

  • Lazycrockett
  • Kevin Perez

    Who could have ever predicted that there would be a solar eclipse? Jesus must really be mad!!

  • justme

    ..and all those solar eclipses in the past have been.. What!!
    Can we get a muzzle for the fake Christians of America

    • clay

      God hasn’t had anything to say to us in 99 years. /s

  • Uncle Mark

    Honey, the only sign I see of God’s wrath is all over your face. Clearly a lifetime of lying, grifting, and sowing seeds of hate has left you so fugly that even plastic surgery fails to help. It is true that at 50 and thereafter, you get the face you deserve…and all of your faces, honey, are hideous.

  • teedofftaxpayer

    They blame their God for every little thing that happens. Pretty pathetic if you ask me.

    • Steven Jaeger

      That way they have no personal responsibility for anything having to do with living.

  • MikeBx2

    Who was it who said that God works in such mysterious ways, it’s hard to tell from no ways at all?

  • carrolmcc

    Actually, I think science is what it is. Where do they get these people?!

  • Dagoril

    Something that happens almost literally like clock-work is the Sign of an Angry God! A mechanical event is a portent most foul!

    God these people are frakking stupid.

    • Ben in Oakland

      Not stupid. Expert grifters of the frakking stupid.

  • Tor
    • clay

      The Ghost of Christmas Present: “This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of ​all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased. Deny ​it!” cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards the city. “Slander those who tell it ye. Admit it for ​your factious purposes, and make it worse. And abide the end.”

      — Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

  • thatotherjean

    Does Ann Lotz’s screed make sense? If it does, I missed it completely.

    • Librarykid

      Be glad it does not make sense to you; that means you have not imbibed the KoolAid.

  • Will Parkinson

    Damn, she looks like Kelly Ann Conway…

    • Ken M

      How’s that for frightening. Forget the eclipse as a warning. We will all start looking like Kellyanne.

  • Ben in Oakland

    God is signaling that the moon will pass in between the sun and the earth. Totally scary…

    To the god addled and the stupid.

  • Duh-David

    She knows that solar eclipses happen like clockwork, but like a Connecticut Yankee, she can use a routine celestial event to scare the ignorant.

  • Tor
    • Sporkfighter

      Needs more turtles. (That’s turtle’s to the illiterate.)

      —–

      After a lecture on cosmology and the structure of the solar system, William James was accosted by a little old lady.

      “Your theory that the sun is the centre of the solar system, and the earth is a ball which rotates around it has a very convincing ring to it, Mr. James, but it’s wrong. I’ve got a better theory,” said the little old lady.

      “And what is that, madam?” Inquired James politely.

      “That we live on a crust of earth which is on the back of a giant turtle.”

      Not wishing to demolish this absurd little theory by bringing to bear the masses of scientific evidence he had at his command, James decided to gently dissuade his opponent by making her see some of the inadequacies of her position.

      “If your theory is correct, madam,” he asked, “what does this turtle stand on?”

      “You’re a very clever man, Mr. James, and that’s a very good question,” replied the little old lady, “but I have an answer to it. And it is this: The first turtle stands on the back of a second, far larger, turtle, who stands directly under him.”

      “But what does this second turtle stand on?” persisted James patiently.
      To this the little old lady crowed triumphantly. “It’s no use, Mr. James – it’s turtles all the way down.”

      — J. R. Ross, Constraints on Variables in Syntax 1967

  • Ken M

    Their God, and all he does and commands, is based on fear. The preahers need something for the people to fera. The fearfilled stories are almost all preChrist in the OT. With the exception of Revelation (great sci fi movie somday) nothing else is NT.
    God uses fear, Christ uses love. Not saying either is right, but these Christians need to get it figured out.

    • Librarykid

      Christ might have used love, but aside from the 4 gospels, the Paulist rest of the NT is pretty fierce about sin and salvation. What else do you do with a dead messiah, but bill it as a sacrifice for people’s sins and then convince them of how sinful they are so they need to buy in to the sacrifice for forgiveness?

  • Larry Larson

    LOLZ at LOTZ

  • DesertSun59

    It amuses me when ppl addicted to tribal Bronze Age myths pretend that we’re completely clueless abt eclipses.

  • Ken M

    Once again I ask…what is the plural of apocalypse. Seems we’re scheduled for another.

    • licuado de platano

      Apoco-prolapse?

  • TrueWords
  • Karl Dubhe

    Yah, the planets and moons and stars exert such a massive force upon us.

    Nearly enough to make an atom wobble a bit as it moves about… Maybe.

    Physics vs the Bible? I’ll laugh at the results.

    • Friday

      Well, actually it *will* significantly affect the tides, just… not more than any other monthly New Moon. 🙂

      And I don’t think the Christianists are actually going with the atheists’ idea of what they imagine astrologers think cycles of time mean. 🙂

      • Karl Dubhe

        Not that much considering the weights involved. Which are fucking massive, but we’re talking about a lot of mass. 🙂

    • Librarykid

      Speaking of the forces the stars exert on us, Nancy had her astrologer and they co-opted the religious Right because the Religious Right didn’t give a God Damn about anything that is supposed to be important according to God or Jesus God.

  • tim870

    Scary creature, why would your god only be mad at America?

    • Mike_in_the_Tundra

      Because we elected the orange one as president.

  • Karl Dubhe

    Oh, dear. Anne’s website uses the disqus commenting system.

    Don’t do what I did. 🙂

  • David Walker

    There’s a kind of horrifying facial similarity between her and the propaganda minister. Aside from the blonde, of course. Eyes? Perpetual sneer? I’m better than you? Plus, what they issue as “truth” seems to be as reliable.

  • BudClark

    How many drugs has she DONE? She looks AWFUL!

    • Tom Ato

      She’s on the Smellanne regime. Meth and cigarettes.

  • Slim Compersion

    Did her religion make the prediction where and when that eclipse will be? Is it one of the prophecies in the Bible? In other words: What kind of reasoning makes her so sure there’s going to be a total solar eclipse across our country later this month?

    Answer: scientific.

    It’s amusing to hear these religionists with their vague prophesies (which never come true) who then rely on rock-solid, real world scientific predictions (which are always borne out).

    The predictions based on science are so accurate and reliable that they’re just taken for granted.

    Compare the track records of past religious predictions and past scientific predictions and see which comes out ahead.

  • Tom Ato

    Stop with the apostrophes already (rabbi’s). You’re going to hell just for that.

  • Pip

    This was the belief of the Aztecs too. I’m sure we could list out a few folks that could give up their hearts to appease the gods, or her God in this case.

    • Friday

      Basically the Christians try to sacrifice queer people, witches, and anyone who may be suffering, to appease their ‘jealous God.’

      • Librarykid

        Well, that is not offering the best to God; more like killing enemies which was not in the guidelines of what was acceptable for unblemished offerings to the Lord. Maybe that is why their religion is so perverted.

      • Pip

        He doesn’t have to be jealous. He can keep them all, I sure as hell don’t want them.

  • Slim Compersion

    A religion that holds out a harmless, rationally understandable, and fascinating phenomenon of the natural world as being something to rouse fear and consternation is not a religion that could get me anywhere good in life.

  • BearEyes

    why do I have an old McHale’s Navy episode running through my head?

    • Friday

      Because it’s about time. 🙂

  • Sporkfighter

    … and that solar eclipse sweeping across the United States from northern California to southern Florida on August 12, 2045 … what will God be telling us with that one?

  • What is she selling – book, food, pictures, a subscription, or just “send me money.”

    • Friday

      ph34r. 🙂

  • jmax

    “While no one can know for sure if judgment is coming on America, it does seem that God is signaling us about something. Time will tell what that something is.”

    Translation: I will point to anything bad that happens afterwards and say I predicted it.
    Hallelujah! Send me your money!

    • Ernest Endevor

      A third Sex and the City movie?

  • Does she have a real job? I doubt it. Brother Frankie probably gives her a few grand a month from the loot he milks off the ignorant and the stupid.

    • Joseph Miceli

      Her last job pulling a Hanson around Central Park didn’t work out too well. She was too skittish.

      • Jefe5084

        she should join up with Kaitlyn Jenner and Ann Coulter and do team plow pulling contests at county fairs.

        • Joseph Miceli

          Well, except that Ann Coulter would eat Kaitlyn and lay her eggs in Anne. Either way, what an icky mess!

          • Jefe5084

            Hmmm. Good points. Might have to fit Coulter with a Hannibal Lecter-type face mask and put a clamp on her ovipositor.

            It’s always something. If it’s not one thing it’s another.

  • Jefe5084
  • Stubenville

    She must spell mammaries “breasts’ ”

    [facepalm]

  • RJ Bone

    TBN is just down the road from me. Their church next door is this huge idol of avarice surrounded by a pretty big parking lot.

    I… express myself every time I go by it.

    And when I think of the millions that went into it and the pseudo white house auxiliary studio next to it, I start thinking about the poor that aren’t allowed into their church (I’m sure, because they’re not pretty enough) and the thousands of starving families that a quarter of the construction costs could have fed… 🙁

    And I’m glad I’m out of all of it.

    • Slim Compersion

      Irving is in the path of totality of the eclipse of April 8, 2024. Gonna be a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth at TBN, it seems.

      • RJ Bone

        Hey, maybe it’ll be Heaven’s Gate all over again :P. Preferably without the cyanide, though.

  • RJ Bone

    August 21 is also when school starts in Irving, so obviously it is your god telling us that it takes 37 pancakes to make a dog house. But only when ice cream has no bones.

    I’m not crazy, YOU’RE CRAZY! ESPECIALLY YOU, PHIL HARTMAN!

    OH NO, WHAT HAPPENS IF I SEE THAT ORANGE CAT RIDING THAT TRICYCLE AGAIN?! IS IT THE APOCALYPSE?!?!

    • Stogiebear

      OHEMGEE. Do you also live in Irving?

      • RJ Bone

        Unfortunately. I swore I’d never come back to Texas, but life has a tendency of punching you in the face with things you promise never to do ;P

  • disqus_D9pH1OIG67

    She be crazy.

  • SFBruce

    Gee, maybe God is telling to study science and history, which tell us that patterns related to the frequency of solar eclipses were noticed as early as the 8th century BCE. Obviously, once you’ve established the fact that these events are predicable, it makes it hard to see them as some kind of apocalyptic sign. Ms. Lotz has a little catching up to do.

    • grada3784

      Come on now. Ms. Lot’z the salt of the earth.

      • Snarkaholic

        Did you misspell scum?

        • grada3784

          No. Just making a Biblical funny.

  • JCF
  • Priya Lynn

    How stupid do you have to be to think there’s an all powerful god but he can’t come up with a clearer way to signal people than an ambiguous act that could mean anything?

    • Friday

      And is of course entirely regular.

      • grada3784

        And predictable.

  • fuzzybits

    Guess she has to pop up every once in awhile between spending daddies millions.

  • JackFknTwist

    Yeah, God is signalling us about something alright……that ignorance and Biblical studies are bedfellows.

  • grada3784

    God gets so pissy on such a predictable schedule. He’s going to send something to eat the sun.

    Time to dust off an old Bing Crosby movie.

    When did we return to the Dark Ages?

    • Steve Teeter

      Everybody re-read Tintin in “Prisoners of the Sun.”

    • leastyebejudged

      I dusted this one off, I think we all could maybe watch it again.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_o8vX8lGss

    • Librarykid

      When you walk through the door of a house of worship.

  • rednekokie

    Good grief — this one is as nutty as her sister.

    • Librarykid

      They were all raised in a toxic environment filled with the wages of sin and the need for salvation. It just damaged those little psyches as effectively as lead paint. It did not keep them, however, from being typical preacher’s kids and raising hell all through their growing up years.

  • theonlyseven

    This event was calculated to happen centuries ago before North America’s discovery.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Honey, bitch, douche-using-dufus, madam dumbfuck, it’s science not your god.

  • DoctorDJ

    These Graham kids, Frankie and Annie, are despicable evangelical leeches, clamped on to the seat of power (e.g. tDump’s ass).

  • Old Top Kick

    What a fecking PUTZ!

  • kareemachan

    Oy, she isn’t even a young Faux Noise type.

  • Paula
  • Love how the right will use the Jewish Rabbis as an authority on certain things, but were quite happy to not allow them access to our country in the past. In the more recent times would not allow the into country clubs, golf courses, etc.

    • Librarykid

      So the Jews built country clubs that were nicer than any of the goyishe clubs. HA-ha

  • Rebecca Gardner

    This made sense 5000 years ago. Today? It’s just batshittery.

  • 2patricius2

    Ah, yes. Solar eclipses were a warning to the dinosaurs that their end was near.

  • Outlaw Woman

    She likes to pretend that solar eclipses are random occurrences, and haven’t all been all mapped out 200 years ago for the next few thousand years.

  • SelectFromWhere

    Uh, yeah, and the precise date and time of this eclipse has been known by astronomers for decades…try again, madam.

  • MaryJOGrady

    How idiotic.

  • fahvel

    these religious babbling folks are bat-shit crazy!!!!!! There are nuts like them everywhere in the world but only in the usa are they given prime time attention when what they derserve is to ignored as their god is actually doing to them.

  • geoffalnutt

    I wonder what that wig is made of. It was obviously made in the 1960s, though. She is surely a fire hazard and, what’s worse, that thing will release toxic fumes when it burns.

  • Dale Snyder

    The United Shithole of America continues to be a complete embarrassment to the international first world community with right-winged illiterate christian trash.

  • amitco

    Can she not pull us Jews into her garbage speech?

    • Librarykid

      She’s reaching back to try to give her screed a shred of validity–ancient rabbis and all that stuff from the Tanach.

  • Another example of a self-absorption of the “Christian” right: “It’s all about us!”, regardless of the fact that solar eclipses happen regularly and can always be viewed from somewhere.

  • Mickey Bitsko
  • Mordred LeFey

    “SOLAR ECLIPSES ARE SIGNS FROM GOD DIE REPENT NOW SINNERS”

    No. /You/ just can’t understand that eclipses are the result of the orbital relationship between us, the moon, and the sun. Everything to you is the Will of God. If you God did exist, why would he warn us cryptically with eclipses and prophets? According to your Bible He’s done shit directly before, so why doesn’t he do it now if he’s so concerned with warning us?

  • Chris Gardner

    To quote Michaelangelo Signorile: You people pick and choose scriptures like a smorgasbord!.

  • The_Wretched

    I’m sure sentries wouldn’t sentry if they didn’t have a bible verse telling them to…

  • Jay Bob

    A sign of his angry judgment, totally calculated, analyzed by by Ancient cultures thousands of years ago and occurring every 18 months or so since long before Man existed. Definitely God’s wrath….

  • And all the solar eclipses that happened before the human race existed meant something somehow.

  • joe

    I believe the message being sent is that the moon is passing between the earth and the sun, so science is a thing