Prophetess Cindy Jacobs: I’ve Decreed That God Expose Terror Threats To The US In Jesus’ Name [VIDEO]

Safiyah Riddle reports at Right Wing Watch:

Self-proclaimed prophet Cindy Jacobs received a message from God about the national security of the United States, announcing that she “decreed” that the Lord would “expose, expose, and expose” terrorist threats to the U.S. “in the name of Jesus.”

These visions, according to Jacobs, are “an anointing and an authority and an intercession” from God that allow her “to avert disasters” from occurring in the United States. “Even right now the Lord is saying to me,” Jacobs proclaimed, “there is something major being planned, that in God’s will it’s going to exposed. So let’s agree together: Father, in the name of Jesus, we decree the exposure of terrorist attacks.”


PREVIOUSLY ON JMG: Cindy Jacobs declares that God wants Christians to be “profoundly wealthy” so jealous Jews will convert. Cindy Jacobs urges Christians to vote Trump so America stops “polluting” other countries with gayness. Cindy Jacobs commands the clouds over Israel to dissipate during a 700 Club photo shoot. Cindy Jacobs says she caused a short woman to grow three inches “on the spot.” Cindy Jacobs says her prayers stopped the shoe-bomber. Cindy Jacobs says her six year-old son prayed away the assassination of Ronald Reagan. Cindy Jacobs prays away her own tumor. God tells Cindy Jacobs that he’s going to punish America for gay marriage. Cindy Jacobs prays away a terrorist sleeper cell. Cindy Jacobs prays away mental illness (but only in others). Cindy Jacobs prays away a car crash that would have killed David Barton. Cindy Jacobs’ daughter prays away a tornado. Cindy Jacobs prays away the global recession. God sends Cindy Jacobs magical spaghetti. Cindy Jacobs prays away Hurricane Sandy. (It totally didn’t hit Nebraska.) Cindy Jacobs reveals that God killed thousands of birds because of the repeal of DADT.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    The “Previously On JMG ” is the best.

  • Karl Dubhe

    Delusional gibberish. The sad thing is that people send her money.

  • OdieDenCO

    Thou shalt not tempt the lord thy god! false prophet! stone her!

  • Boreal
  • safari

    Sounds holey.

  • dcurlee

    Another snake oil salesman that preys on the simple

  • AtticusP
  • netxtown

    She needs to hook up with that wind bag, mayor-wanna-be prophet in Ohio….

  • Jonathan Smith
  • shellback

    Your book of fables says: Shut up, woman.

  • Hanwi

    I guess we can eliminate the CIA and the NSA, thank Zeus, tax breaks for all! /s

    • Hue-Man

      Tax breaks for the 1%!

  • safari

    Those attacking the US are doing a pretty good job outing themselves
    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/886950594220568576

    • dcurlee

      Yep I’m sure Russia got all the info they wanted

    • Nowhereman

      They really really do believe that. It’s shocking. I had a better grasp of our laws and politics when I was 10.

    • RoFaWh

      Someone pointed out recently that there’s a difference between illegal and simply wrong. You still aren’t supposed to do “wrong” things.

      Trump and his spawn don’t get this. Never have, never will.

  • Frostbite

    Couldn’t your deity, like prevent this shit from even happening? Damn useless gods…

    • Craig Howell

      Yeah! Where was Cindy on 9/10, when we could have used her woo-woo powers!

      • Michael R

        I demand an answer from her on this !

  • Pollos Hermanos
  • MBear

    Make her the head of Homeland Security! LOL

    Ya know, these religious people: give them all what they want and watch the whole system collapse

    • Palmer

      Been there, done that, we don’t need to do it again!

  • Butch

    And I decree that you get a hairdo that wasn’t last in vogue in 1963.

  • The_Wretched

    More magic from the magical thinking people.

    it’s on the list of reasons why religions are a bad idea. They teach and support ‘magical thinking’.

    That she’s wrong isn’t the issue; it’s that thinking like this prevents focusing on actual solutions.

    • Nowhereman

      Exactly. Thoughts and prayers are worthless in an emergency. Well, they are worthless all the time.

    • Xiao Ai: The Social Gadfly

      What is the issue is, who is funding this.

      • The_Wretched

        People like Adelson, Foster Freeze, Mercers and Koch bros. More of them should be household names but they value having their names hidden and have enough money to ensure it.

    • Rolf

      She needs to take the mothballs out of her twat, they’re making her hallucinate.

  • Michael R
    • JWC

      Trump just grab her pussy ????

      • Todd20036

        No. She’s a 6 at best….

        • JWC

          just the look on her face hehehe maybe its because he Didn’t grab it

      • RoFaWh

        Yes, and now her pussy is working hard to bite the orange asshole’s hand off. Thus the facial expression.

      • TK

        No – she just realized she’s got the same wig as the gonzo prophetess!

        • JWC

          oh shriek

  • clay

    So, couldn’t Prophetess Cindy Jacobs pray away God’s punishment for the gay?

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      Where’s the fun that ?!

  • Todd20036

    She prayed away a meteor, a zombie apocalypse, and an outbreak of smallpox.
    That’s why she was too busy to pray away a POTUS who could destroy America.
    But hey, she did her imaginary best, no?

  • safari

    God sends Cindy Jacobs magical spaghetti.

    Wow. He also apparently sent her miracle tires and blessed shoes.

    • Stubenville

      So… Jesus is Ron Popeil?

      • grada3784

        Wait 2000 years. There’s more.

  • zhera

    Prophetess…

    Joe, don’t you mean Profiteer?

  • Harveyrabbit

    Well isn’t she special. Lock her in a room and force feed her nothing but that horrid muck that they try to sell to suckers on Bakker’s show.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/19864db54bdea97d0eb150c5b99ee1643a6a4c0f8c21e2cd3f9c784bb61cf6b4.png https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/44cebe5648559ea23c06ac0767960e9c8b23fb4ed27113f0dbb1dec9f575e44d.gif

  • “Mom! Aunt Cindy’s off her meds again!”

  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    I can’t even figure out what she means. “Lord would “expose, expose, and expose” terrorist threats to the U.S. “in the name of Jesus.”

    So if Jesus is making terrorist threats, does Trump need to institute a Christian ban?

    Also, have you bought Stewart a new shirt yet? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ff2a66184d65684f582fc98b283a89e21d43e95faeb7572d632eb66788950e82.jpg

    • MBear

      Most terrorists in america are christian, so a christian ban should be enforced immediately

      • Nowhereman

        I agree. We need at least a 90 day ban on them until we can figure out what is gong on…

    • RoFaWh

      It’s just gibberish thrown together out of various what-Cindy-Jacobs-thinks-of-as-biblical phrases.

      I love hyphenated words.

  • Jefe5084

    Insane christian gobble-de-gook (a.k.a “speaking in tongues”).

  • JDS
  • Ben in Oakland

    Too bad Jesus didn’t think of that 16 years ago.

    Too bad Jesus didn’t make his announcement about her in The NY Times.

  • Lee Grupsmith-Pedersen

    Why isn’t she busy being silent? It’s in her part of the book–or did that get glossed over/deleted?

    • Karl Dubhe

      Hers is another Christian Church of the Cafeteria.

      • RoFaWh

        I’d like a serving of that delicious bread pudding, please.

        [Pleasant memories of the Norse Cove, a one-time cafe on Castro Street. Gone for about 30 years now. The best bread pudding in the world, and for breakfast too!]

        • grada3784

          It’s got to have glutin for it to be authentic.

          • RoFaWh

            They may have made it out of croissants, not bread.

  • Nic Peterson

    Omniscient, omnipotent beings that hang around with fucking idiots, like that woman above, do not deserve my recognition.

  • Galvestonian

    Ummmmm… I think it’s working ’cause I keep hearing a voice telling me that Trump, Cindy Jacobs and the Rev. Pat Robertson can be ‘prayed away’ ( it’s actually my hubby yelling at the T.V. ) but his kind of praying is a bit closer to cursing cause he uses a lot of swear words.

    • MBear

      “Powerful words of majik”

    • RoFaWh

      My advice, unsolicited, for your husband:

      Turn off the TV and (if any) the radio; stop subscriptions to news magazines and newspapers; do not visit “news” websites.

      All the shit those outlets are exposing about Trump are very upsetting, but there’s nothing your husband can do about it. Become uninformed and enjoy much smoother digestion.

      Backstory: My bipolar sister gradually and obviously entered a manic state after 9/11; her pointless hour long phone conversations made that clear. I gave her the same advice but sadly she wouldn’t follow it and went completely nuts by January 2002, leading to total estrangement for over eleven years. In other words, I’m not kidding.

  • bkmn

    Why wouldn’t she do this while Obama was in office? Why does she hate America?

  • Snarkaholic

    Decreed…so she’s telling God what to do?

    • RoFaWh

      She likes the sound of “decree” much more than she likes “command” or “tell”.

  • Porkie

    Major terror threats facing the USA in 2017: #11 Cindy Jacobs’ wardrobe….
    (You read it here first folks)!

  • IAMBOWLINGGREEN

    Neuroscientist says religion is a mental illness and argues that the behaviours exhibited by “prophets” are diagnosable acts :

    https://www.indy100.com/article/robert-sapolsky-neuroscientist-thinks-religion-mental-illness-schizophrenia-7834981

  • Benny S.

    Well shit, why didn’t she do this years ago??? She would have saved hundreds of thousands of lives. This now suggests that she was complicit in all those earlier deaths. I have no choice but to rebuke her.

  • Tor

    I don’t think god would choose a prophet named “Cindy.”

  • Nowhereman

    If she’s seeing visions and hearing voices, she really should be institutionalized. People who hear gods telling them what to do are dangerous to themselves and others.

    • RoFaWh

      I would be more interesting in transcripts of hearings on the subject “Is Cindy Jacobs insane and in need of institutionalization? Or are her insane statements just grifting efforts?” Get her to admit the latter, record it on video, and then put dozens of copies on Youtube and other video sites.

      “So tell us the truth, Ms. Jacobs, do you actually believe the shit you spew or are you just trying to squeeze more money out of the fools who believe you?”

  • Friday

    Well, you cant expect these Fundies’ worshipped Drumph administration to listen to our own or our alies’ intelligence agencies, after all, never mind do anything but look the other way about right-wing Fundie domestic terrorist groups, can you? Obviously they can just ‘prophesy’ about ‘Something big to fear.’

    • RoFaWh

      Her tactics need revision: nonsense announcements like this one cause laughter, not fear.

      • Friday

        Her own ‘flock’ need to feel like they’re being brave in the face of something, as long as it’s safely in imaginary ways.

  • Natty Enquirer

    “Prophetess” is unnecessarily gendered language, even for a loon.

    • RoFaWh

      Everything about this bitch is unnecessary.

  • andrew

    The funniest part of her comedy routine was the bit that “God killed thousands of birds because of the repeal of DADT.”

  • Stogiebear

    “expose, expose, expose”

    Are we sure she’s not a Catholic priest in drag?

  • anne marie in philly

    what a horse’s ass!

  • pj

    we live in a golden age of con artists

    • RoFaWh

      I can remember a time when even chiropractic was flatly illegal in many of the states. To say nothing of fortune telling and similar scams.

    • Adam King

      And you don’t even have to be remotely sane to profit from it.

  • bambinoitaliano

    Again that hair and that make up is just too obvious. Talk about the stereotype of they all look alike.

  • ColoMtnWoman

    I just love Bat-Shit-Crazy… I could and watch it for…minutes.

  • RoFaWh

    Suggestion, Joe: when writing headlines like this one, put “Prophetess” in quotes.

  • Mikey

    It seems to me that anyone hearing voices telling them what to do about world affairs needs to be locked up in a padded cell.
    When one person hears voices, it’s schizophrenia.
    When hundreds of people hear voices, it’s a religion.

  • Rex

    You don’t suppose that Donald J. Trump is one of the terrorists that will be exposed do you? Go get him God!

  • CanuckDon

    It’s pretty great that crazy nitwits like Cindy Jacobs are on the Mercers and Koch brothers side. All of their money can’t make Cindy go away.

  • Joe

    Jesus as an ATM!

  • kelven

    “Degree!” “Anoint!” “Intercede!” = Ooh, E, Ooh Ah Ah, Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang!”

    • Adam King

      Now there’s an old obscure reference for you. I wonder how many people under 60 got it.

      • JWC

        ya Flashback

      • Karl Dubhe

        Youtube has that song… 🙂

      • orion dumptee

        witchdoctor ha ha ha on a 45 of course,lol

        • Leo Tallant

          I think I still have one in my box of old 45’s…….

      • kanehau

        I’m 59 and I got it.

        • Adam King

          Sorry, but your subscription to “under sixty” is about to run out. 🙂

  • Stubenville

    Eva Gabor phoned; she wants her wig back.

  • GayOldLady

    What a nut bag!

  • Ken M

    “gayness”, haven’t heard that term in a while. Her new clams sound like the apocalypse is coming…AGAIN, and this time it’s going to be called terrorism.

  • GayOldLady

    “and the Lord says I’m going to expose, expose, expose”

    I think that’s illegal!!!!!

  • Belthazar

    “Cindy Jacobs prays away mental illness (but only in others)” – LOL!

  • Kevin Perez

    Tell Cindy to get back to me when she makes and amputee regrow a limb.

  • scorpiomike

    meka leka hi meka hiney ho!

    • RoFaWh

      The amusing thing (well, one amusing thing) about glossolalia is that the participants make only sounds found in their first language. To be more specific, in the US the speakers in tongues never make any of the sounds found in some other languages but not in American English: the ejective consonants of Georgian (which, I understand, are still argued about by linguists), the clicks of San languages in southern Africa, even the u-umlaut sound students of German must master. None of those are ever spoken in tongues.

      IOW, just more proof (as if we needed any more) that the whole thing is fake.

      • scorpiomike

        As a child, I was forced to attend an evangelical church. Once I turned 10 or so, I was dragged from the children’s services to the adult services. My first time witnessing someone “speaking in tongues” or “slain in the spirit” I was scared and confused. I literally thought the lady was having a stroke. I suggested to my mother that someone should be calling for an ambulance.
        Once it was all explained to me, I then felt defective or not worthy since I never seemed to experience what these other people were experiencing. Really not good for a growing young mind to be left trying to sort all of that out!

  • Palmer

    Didn’t realize Gawd was just Jacob’s hired help. (I wonder if she gives him Christmas off?)

  • DanimalChgo

    “an anointing and an authority and an intercession” – I would love to see a real linguist analyse the use of multi-syllable words by these kinds of people. They make no sense. They’re just tossing out words that make them sound important to uneducated cave people.

  • grada3784

    You just got to love these “prophets” giving orders to their “God”.

  • FelineMama

    As my German mom used to say: “lady, you are verruckt”!
    There was a time when people like this were burned at the stake. Good times.
    CUCKOO CUCKOO CUCKOO CUCKOO!!!!

  • 2patricius2

    I’m surprised #45 hasn’t offered her a high position in his administration. She fits right in.

  • liondon#iamnotatraitor

    …”That God Expose Terror Threats”… ummm… there’s this thing called a mirror.

  • Vinnie NYC

    I lost it when she said “Satan is looking for an entry point and do great damage”
    I’ve met a few guy like that and oh, how I loved them all LoL

  • Beagle

    It’s been a long time since I considered myself a Christian. But I do remember God’s opinion of being ordered around.

  • At some point Jesus must have said, “You know, screw all these bozos! I don’t care if they ask in my name or not. I’m sick of casting demons out of flower pots and finding people’s car keys. I should have never made that promise. Screw ’em!”

  • boatboy_srq

    I can’t help thinking that her hair is too small, her jools too visible and her attire insufficiently unattractive to be a “prophetess.” But a medium? Sure.

  • Matt

    Dingbat.

  • Pip
  • teedofftaxpayer

    Another ding-a-ling trolling the poor innocent people.

  • Len Ricci

    I decree that this so called righteous woman shalt sendith all her wealth to ME so she can proclaim to the almighty JEEBUS that she is working in humble servitude to him and no other false GODS before her… WRITE THE CHECK DAMMITT!