Catholic Bishop Decrees No Funerals Or Last Rites For Married Gays Unless They Repent On Their Deathbed

The Washington Post reports:

The bishop of the Catholic Diocese of Springfield, Ill., is calling on priests there to deny Holy Communion and even funeral rites to people in same-sex unions unless they show “some signs of repentance” for their relationships before death.

The decree by Bishop Thomas Paprocki also said that people “living publicly” in same-sex marriages may not receive the sacrament of confirmation or be admitted to the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults, a process by which many converts become Catholic, preparing them for baptism and confirmation.

At the same time, Paprocki said that children living with a Catholic parent or parents in a same-sex marriage may be baptized. But when it comes to same-sex unions, priests cannot bless couples, church property cannot be used for ceremonies and diocesan employees are forbidden from participating, the decree said.

See the full decree here.

PREVIOUSLY ON JMG: In November 2015, Paprocki held a ceremony to exorcise the entire state of Illinois of its “gay demons” after marriage equality was signed into law. In September 2012, Paprocki told his diocese that if they vote for a Democrat, Satan will take their soul. In January 2012, Paprocki testified against same-sex marriage before the Illinois legislature. Paprocki then ordered all of the priests in his parish to read an anti-gay letter to their congregations. Also in January 2012, Paprocki defended a priest in his diocese who was forced to call 911 to get him out of the handcuffs and ball-gag that he’d put on during some totally-not-gay self-pleasuring. According to Paprocki, the priest was merely engaging in “non-sexual self-bondage” as a means of relieving stress. Uh-HUH. Just for fun, here’s that 911 call one more time. Listen to the priest try to mumble directions through the ball-gag.

  • Xiao Ai: The Social Gadfly
  • j.martindale

    Fu*k you and your superstitions, assh*le.

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      You just turned him on.

  • Dot Beech

    Why would anyone care what this hate-mongering grifter says or does?

    Have some self-respect and kiss him good-bye.

    • Judas Peckerwood

      Him and the international crime syndicate he represents.

  • Gay Fordham Prep Grad

    Looking at him sets off my gaydar (NOT my lust-dar, but gaydar).

    SNAP also has this pointy hat on their list as a notorious child rape enabler.

  • Tawreos

    Please go fuck every part of yourself with diseased donkey dicks. Thank you!

    • Phillip in L.A.

      Very expressive, Tawreos! Thank you

  • kanehau

    Hey Bishop PoppyCock – I call upon your god to damn you to hell.

    There… tit for tat – asswipe.

  • JWC

    and you dumb piece of shit where in your Holly Bibble doesit say that shit Oh no wait you just made it up so you may further your cause at being an asshole

  • Carl

    Pope Happy Words hasn’t made a difference.

    Leave the Catholic Church and let attrition do its thing.

    • Gustav2

      Happy Words is a Jesuit, so he will happily argue both sides.

    • jonfromcalifornia

      The Catholic Church is growing in large numbers in places like Africa and Asia.

  • Maybe because I came from a different religious tradition entirely but I find this “threat” very vacuous. What’s stopping a spiritual gay couple from performing their own religious rites?

    • KCMC

      divorced Catholics have been doing exactly that for a while.

  • bkmn

    He just screams “I abuse children for breakfast.”

  • aar9n

    Oh yeah! Well if you don’t do what i tell you i won’t give you my imaginary unicorn so ha!

  • safari

    People keep telling me that regular Catholics in general are much more progressive than their leadership. I’m just curious how close to 100% this number needs to be for the leadership to have a godly moment and see the holy spirit has changed hearts.

    • CottonBlimp

      Regular Catholics disagree with their leadership in the same way that John McCain disagrees with Trump; they’ll say they disagree to avoid embarrassment but God forbid you expect them to do something about it.

      The RCC will only change when the rubes stop giving them money, and THAT is never going to happen so long as the rubes’ sense of guilt for giving money to literally the most evil institution in human history can be assuaged with a Pope with a nice face.

      • Rob NYNY

        Not entirely true. Married Catholics enjoy oral and anal fucking just as much as normal people. And contraception. Fifty years ago, my Catholic godmother had a baby in odd-numbered years, and an abortion in even numbered years. But never used contraception. The logic is that using condoms for a year is 200 mortal sins, getting an abortion is only one mortal sin.

    • another_steve

      Catholic churches across America are closing or consolidating. There aren’t enough priests. The average age of Catholic priests in the U.S. is increasing as fewer and fewer men enter seminaries. Things will eventually have to change or the Catholic Church in America will go out of business.

      The Pope has, as I understand it, authorized a commission to explore loosening up on the rules regarding married priests. Eventually (possibly in our lifetimes), women will be ordained as priests. Necessity. Invention. You get the drill.

      In the fullness of time (probably when all of us reading here are compost feeding the worms), openly gay and lesbian people will be permitted to become priests.

      The gods, it seems — the gods of all faiths — can be quite flexible when they need to be.

  • Lazycrockett

    Im impress MSNBC isnt covering Spicers PC.

    • safari

      On audio delay?

      • Lazycrockett

        Audio only.

        • safari

          And only after the fact.

        • B Snow

          They are such cowards.

    • coram nobis

      He could probably use a ball gag.

  • CottonBlimp

    You notice they’d never suggest refusing funerals for child raping priests.

    It should completely disgust every moral person that the RCC has shown consistently that it considers gay marriage more offensive than child rape, but I’m constantly amazed at the excuses catholics have for it.

    • Nowhereman

      I agree. And I’m glad that my parents never got my brainwashed into a religion. It allowed me to grow up without all that nonsense.

      • Christopher

        I was raised Southern Baptist and Roman Catholic.

        I outgrew it all by the age of ten.

        • agcons

          Anglican (the real one, not the new crackpot version) for me, but I was about the same age as you when I outgrew it.

          • Christopher

            Bullshit smells the same, even to children. .

          • Xiao Ai: The Social Gadfly

            I think that’s especially true in children. Beating helps though for the Religionists.

          • Christopher

            And the truly devout do it to themselves…

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/55304e916bae0b1ef7ee2e47f168cf37aa1f8dfe1fe4218f75b1b8babe025de2.gif

            WTF is wrong with some people?!

          • rickhfx

            Heterosexuality and the fucked up thinking that comes with it.

          • Angelahray

            CNN is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family,,,Here’s how to make additional cash each week…On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned 9036 Dollars this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. Learn more about it on following link
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        • Xiao Ai: The Social Gadfly

          So technically you were, wait for it,…

          SAVED! 😀

          • rickhfx

            Well, I gave my heart to Jesus and now he never calls.

          • Jeffg166

            Men.

          • Fur Hunter

            OK…..Seriously….I did laugh.

          • nicacat56

            Lol 😂! I did too!

        • teedofftaxpayer

          I was raised Methodist and then after my mom died I was raised Southern Baptist. My stepmom would send my brother and I to church every Sunday (we were 13/11), except we went bowling. Got way more out of bowling than we did church. Haven’t been back since.

        • northern_neighbour

          You had both of those! The cognitive dissonance must have been 100 decibels for sure. No wonder the age of reason kicked in so early on, either that or you were precocious.

          It took me until age 16, when I realized I could have been a far more compassionate deity than the one that was being flogged at home and by the jerk ass pastor in our church.

          By then I was in full recoil from the vindictiveness, and also trying to find some compassion for myself, in addition to the rest of humanity after the years of personal guilt feelings and sense of worthlessness — just from having a sexuality that was aberrant and “abhorrent to Gawd”.

          Other than being gay I was an extremely good kid, and scarcely deserved the mental suffering that the hateful religion had projected onto me.

          But I continued to love my parents and they continued to love me, so I was lucky that way. They knew I was now an atheist, but I never dared to come out to them about my orientation. In those days no one dared say who they were.

          Although I realize now they would have come around. And that is sad because one is lonely indeed in one’s isolation.

      • Ragnar Lothbrok

        You lucky bastard

        • Nowhereman

          I agree. In many ways it was the best thing my folks ever did for me.

      • FAEN

        My family was and is more into spirituality. They looked to all the good but never forced any religion on us. Their politics that were always center left went left full force as we got older. I’m more and more thankful for that every day.

      • You don’t even know how glad you should be!

      • 1Myles1

        Pentecostal Assemblies Of God anyone?

      • Blackfork

        I threw that nonsense off when I was six. I thought, what is this old man in the front of the church talking about and why is it so boring….

    • hoover2001

      Ah, the old get out of jail for free card that is repentance. Mass murder, child rape, you name it. Repent and enjoy eternal bliss.

    • Gustav2

      And the hierarchy must be buried in their vestments so they can push their way to the front of he line at the pearly gates.

      • Where they’ll be promptly dropped through the trap door into the pit of hell. (Just as valid as their version.)

    • infmom

      I agree! Pedophile priests should be stuffed into big black plastic trash bags and dropped off at the landfill.

      • CottonBlimp

        That’s horrible! Don’t you believe in recycling?

        • infmom

          What could we recycle them into? They wouldn’t even make good dog food.

          • rickhfx

            Cat Litter?

          • bsinps

            Soilent Green maybe?

      • rickhfx

        Thats a waste of garbage bags.

      • David

        Filled with Fire Ants.

    • rickhfx

      Its called faith.

    • charemor
    • RaygunsGoZap

      Related: One of my favorite bits of the Rendezvous with Rama stories is a reference to a terrorist attack on the Vatican using a nuclear bomb.

    • Gerry Fisher

      Child rape is OK, you see, if you confess it. Just carry on, and then do a death bed confession. All fixed! /s

  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    I feel so not bad for all the married same sex couples wealth that won’t be left to the church. So many wills that won’t have a bequest. How ever will you pay for all your lacy vestments?

    P.S. What about all this bishops. No last rites for them, huh?

    http://bishop-accountability.org/priestdb/PriestDBbylastName-A.html

    • lymis

      Oh, no, the very wealthiest gay couples should most definitely leave money to the Church.

      Like, a single penny. Itemized in a list of the extensive donations going to other groups.

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        Love your idea.

  • Phillip in L.A.

    Yeah, well fuck you and your Bronge-Aze mystery cult, M’Lord

  • ben

    who cares, honestly? If you are a gay married person, why would you want to be a catholic?

    • safari

      Cultural Catholics. There are many of them.

      • Gustav2

        Most Roman Catholics of all stripes are just “cultural.”

        • Natty Enquirer

          Doesn’t this really go for almost everyone who belongs to an organized religion? Very few believe each and every preposterous assertion, no matter what they say.

          • ben

            no true scotsman fallacy

        • CottonBlimp

          “Cultural Catholic” is basically just a euphemism for “too emotionally abused to deconvert” when you think about it.

          • Gustav2

            Or “just for weddings and funerals”

        • RoFaWh

          Just like a lot of momos.

      • Natty Enquirer

        I don’t begrudge people their hobbies, but when they are supporting a regressive institution with their time and money, I have to draw a line.

      • Carl

        I still use “catholic” from time to time if someone asks about my background. I usually follow it with “I’m totally over it, though”.

        • David Walker

          Jack used to say he was “a recovering catholic.” I also had a friend whose life was built around the Southern Baptists until he was “found out” to be gay…he shouts from the rooftop that he’s “a recovering Southern Babtist.”

      • coram nobis

        Episcopalians?

  • Natty Enquirer

    I’m fine with this. The Ancient Roman Men’s club ain’t a democracy. Let their hate flag fly high and drive people (and their dollars) away to some place more progressive.

    • JWC

      make them pay taxes

  • netxtown

    Fuck off, bigot. I wouldn’t let you scratch my nuts, say much less perform funeral rites. And, FWIW, it is very clear in my will there is to be NO religious ceremony of any sort for my ‘funeral’. None! Zilch! Zippo! Not even a fucking hint of sky freak shit.

    • RoFaWh

      The standard advice about funeral arrangements is NOT to put them in your will. Put them in a separate document so they won’t be inaccessible during probate.

  • Ben in Oakland

    Do drive a few more people away from the fold. They will no longer be sheep, but who cares?

  • KCMC
  • Bluto
    • Jim Gallagher-Barker

      Stolen & shared. Now, do you have a wipe for the coffee I just spit on the screen?

  • ETownCanuck
    • Trumpanzee King

      Is that a gloryhole? LOL

      • coram nobis

        Think of it as a confessional.

        • Statistics Palin

          Same thing. Oops! I did go to a Catholic, all-boys high school.

  • Gustav2

    500th Anniversary of the Reformation in 129 days…just sayin’.

  • Deviancy Behavir

    If you’re a gay person and still continue to follow the Catholic church, then you get what you deserve, they can’t be any more plain in their hatred of LGBT people.

  • Sam_Handwich
    • bkmn

      With Collins (ME) and Murkowski (AK) that puts the Senate bill in jeopardy of non-passage, especially if one more GOP Senator says no.

      *caveat – moderate GOP Senators are infamous for caving under pressure

      • David Walker

        …especially if they are offered an immoderate amount of money for their campaign fund or for some unnecessary-but-looks-great project for their state.

  • Pollos Hermanos
  • ByronK
  • Jonathan Smith
  • Joseph Miceli

    Kiddy Fucker said something? Sorry, I’m too busy watching your nasty belief system crumble.

  • TheSeer

    Child raping cult. Enemies of human decency.

    • JWC

      Ya and why does NY keep backing off the case concerning Catholic sex crimes in the city Could it be something to do with the 2.17M the chuch has spent to block it year after year

  • JWC
    • Treant

      I like it when the Dowager Countess is a bitch.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        Yes, but she can’t overdo, or it will lose all its effectiveness

    • teedofftaxpayer

      My thoughts exactly!

    • rickhfx

      Mom is that you?

  • HZ81

    Father…gasp gasp…. If only… cough gasp.. I…gasp cough gasp… sucked more dick. I should have sucked more dick!

    (HZ dies happy)

    • liondon#iamnotatraitor

      Let me bath you in the love of Holy Spirit…. It’ll be our little secret.

  • Oh look, another old white guy in a frock telling people they’re doomed to burn for eternity. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3c15f359accd8d62b7b1f16b8cfcf02796e33e180d7598270b7e1e8c3ae8d93f.gif

  • Leo

    OT! McTurtle wants this wrapped by July? Good luck bitch!

    • Treant

      Or is it Kabuki? They change a minor point and suddenly all five just love this thing. Best legislation ever. Yes, yes, yes!

      • Gustav2

        Yup, then another beer blast down Pennsylvania Ave.

      • David Walker

        Kabuki? I think it’s more like pork barrel.

    • Lazycrockett
      • Cattleya1

        WPOS and being from KY, I am embarrassed beyond belief that a state with a history of such great democratic senators has produced its 2 current psychopaths.

    • Lazycrockett

      All of them will fall in line before the vote.

    • Sporkfighter

      Do you think the Republicans actually want to repeal the ACA and suffer the consequences, or do they want to make a show of thrashing about, attempting a repeal while doing nothing?

      • Leo

        The former. McConnell has to answer to his rich donors, sees the consequences of doing this and doesn’t think they’ll be big enough to make a difference (aka losing control of either the Senate or House and I think he’s right unfortunately)

  • joe ho

    If you’re gay and still Catholic, it’s what you signed on for.

  • Jonathan Smith
  • edrex

    this would trouble me only if i believed that the catholic church and it’s spooky incantations mattered. fuck last rites and the molesting priests who offer them.

  • Rex

    If it comes down to “showing some signs of repentance” on your deathbed to get into heaven, sure doesn’t sound like it’s much incentive to live your life denying your true self.

  • Joe in PA

    He seems nice.

  • Matt

    But Duggar-ing altar boys is still a-ok.

  • TheSeer

    In RCC vile belief system, raping children is not evil because it is done secretly, but gay marriage is evil because it is public. Vile, heinous belief system. Evil beyond words.

  • Ninja0980

    This is why I left the Catholic Church when I was 16 and never looked back.

  • RobynWatts

    Whatever, Bishop Bigot Blowhard. Now, go crawl back under a rock.

  • edrex

    as i recommended yesterday, watch “The Keepers” on netflix and then try to tell me that the catholic church has any moral credibility.

    • Jonathan Smith

      why are you asking me to lie to you? 🙂

      • edrex

        um… maybe it turns me on?

        • Jonathan Smith

          works for me:)

  • Sporkfighter

    “In November 2015, Paprocki held a ceremony to exorcise the entire state of Illinois of its “gay demons” after marriage equality was signed into law.”

    Highlighting how his god is either impotent or pro-civil rights was a public service.

    “In September 2012, Paprocki told his diocese that if they vote for a Democrat, Satan will take their soul.”

    Seeing how his god is either impotent or pro-civil rights, perhaps it’s the bishop who should worry.

    “Paprocki then ordered all of the priests in his parish to read an anti-gay letter to their congregations.”

    I’d call that “decruiting” the young.

    “Also in January 2012, Paprocki defended a priest in his diocese who was forced to call 911 to get him out of the handcuffs and ball-gag that he’d put on during some totally-not-gay self-pleasuring.”

    Yeah. If he’d extend his concerns to the rest of humanity, that’d be a good thing.

  • David Walker

    Since we’re speaking of assholes, here’s Keith’s comments on the Asshole-in-Chief:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYgWvgbnsTw

  • The Milkman

    This will stop when people stop giving them money and attention.

  • teedofftaxpayer

    I would give the Priest the finger on my deathbed.

    • KCMC

      digital?

  • TheManicMechanic

    Too bad it’s against the law to punch bishops.

    • Lars Littlefield

      Who says?

  • TheSeer
  • fuzzybits

    I guess he should’ve done his oooga booga in 2014,the year we were married in Illinois. Fuck off asshole. https://media.giphy.com/media/BVJtgtZiQsUhy/giphy.gif

  • MB
    • fuzzybits

      He was always so evil looking.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        Can you imagine what he must look like now? He is still alive, right?

      • Carl

        He was ugly inside and out, but at least he shot straight with you. The current guy likes vague statements you can interpret it any way you want to while nothing really changes.

    • TuuxKabin

      Ah, ol’ Rat Slinger. Bastard.

    • Cattleya1

      They have not announced his death, we can only presume Pope Palpitine is still praying away the gay…

    • don

      Ahh. The old Nazi anti-aircraft gunner. The ‘church’ can really pick ’em.

      Bunch of rapey filth.

  • Nowhereman

    Repent for what?

    • David Walker

      For not giving more money to The Church, of course.

  • lymis

    The GOP is about to strip three quarters of a trillion dollars from medical aid that affects primarily the poor and sick.

    And THIS is what he’s making sure to get the word out on? Keeping the queers out of church? Gotcha.

    Jesus has some pretty stern words for people who acted like this. Ah, if only the Church had some sort of record of that….

  • Tomcat

    But opposite sex couples can sin all they want and get last rites.

  • coram nobis

    “Non-sexual self-bondage” is vaguely plausible with these people; witness, for instance, the Cilice sales website. It looks like a pricey BDSM store but may be for the unduly religious sort.

    http://www.cilice.co.uk/cilice.html

    It’s something that mere mortals at Folsom Street Fair could only marvel at.

  • skyweaver

    I’ve got a rule – if you abuse a child in any way you don’t get to be a priest and you get to go to jail like all other citizens.

  • MB
  • Rex

    Something tells me he’s one sexually frustrated man.

  • Trumpanzee King
  • carrot festival

    Fuck you and the choir boy you rode to town on.

  • Lars Littlefield

    Well, doesn’t he think he’s all that and a bag of chips? To me it doesn’t matter what the fuck wad thinks. There is no god in the traditional sense of some sky daddy everyone has to please. But for those of you still clinging to your “faith” that you’re not in control of your lives, sorry. That’s your problem,

    Matches inserted between the soles of this guys shoes and lit on fire might be a good thing for him.

  • safari

    O/T: Donald had a man who called for Hillary’s execution for treason last summer in the white house for a signing.
    https://twitter.com/maggieNYT/status/878307648025833472

    • JWC

      and Kathy held up a fake cloodied head What a bitch…just sayin

  • skyweaver
    • RoFaWh

      The “Catholic League” calls for nothing.

      That’s Donohue’s schtick.

  • katkelly57

    One of the many reasons I am a recovering Caflik…..he is one sick and twisted asshole.

    I guess this mofo didn’t get the Pope’s memo on the LGBQT community.
    Although he still stands by no same sex marriage in the church….he did say when it comes to homosexuality. “Who am I to judge?”….among other things.

    I can’t find anywhere where he has said no to funerals and last rites or anything the heartless bishop has said and advocates….

    This hits very close to home for me….I lost my mother when I was 9 and because she was divorced from her first husband, we were not allowed to have a Mass said for her, she couldn’t even enter the church.
    At that very young age, I threw a fit because even I, at that time knew it was hurt filled and shame filled act by the parish priest.

    (Funny how they had no problem w/the money she gave each week or spent on lighting candles, over who knows how many years)

    I knew my mother had great faith, she wasn’t super religious, but she did believe in her church.
    They finally conceded to stopping in front of the church during the funeral procession to the cemetery, where they did do the funeral tolling of the bells.

    To add insult to injury, the fucked up priest, Fr. Dominic rode w/us in the lead car….I had my back to him the whole time, to and fro.

    There is no love lost for the RCC….however, I think Francisco is a long awaited breath of fresh air…..open those windows wide, more is needed though.

  • Ken M

    It is truly hard to believe that they still wonder why the church populations, gay and straight, are dropping.

    • Gustav2

      As soon as the Silent Generation (Korean War) dies and all they have is a portion of the Boomers, attendance in all churches will drop even more.

  • coram nobis

    BTW, Your Eminems, the anniversary of the St. Bartholomew Day Massacre is on August 24. Going to have a celebratory Mass, then?

    • Lars Littlefield

      Your M&Ms?

    • grada3784

      The Pope at the time did approve the death of Coligny, a major Protestant leader.

      • coram nobis

        Yes, but that was in the 16th Century. I suppose this bishop is nostalgic for that sort of thing. It did cause some blowback at the time.

        This is the day the Lord has made; rejoice and be glad in it.
        — Huguenot battle hymn set to Ps. 118, popular in the war of religion after St. Bartholomew’s Day

  • Brian

    How about you fuck off, all the way off, and while you are busy doing that I’ll try to find my repentant face. Deal?

  • swimboy

    I still to this day can’t figure out how so many nice, equality-minded, good folks come from a downright *evil* church. The cognitive dissonance is unreal.

    Virtually every other religious person I know “tows the line” of their Church’s pedagogy, but so many Catholics seem to take the attitude of “The church says that, but I don’t buy it.”

    • CottonBlimp

      They were groomed for the church since childhood. The RCC more than any other religion warps the minds of children to make them emotionally incapable of leaving the church as adults.

      • Jefe5084

        Didn’t work on me. HA!

        • I chose between the Church and my future wife….I’m happily married and happily not in the Church.

      • Friday

        The Pagan religious experiences kinda meant that didn’t take. 🙂

      • RoFaWh

        Some manage to leave, but they leave as very bitter men and women who continue to bitch about the RCC until they die.

        • CottonBlimp

          “Bitter” is not how I’d describe people who escape abuse and feel obliged to speak honestly about it.

      • John30013

        I’d say the Mormons give the Catholics a run for their money in that department.

    • BobSF_94117

      The RCC used to have liberal bishops and conservative bishops and they all had to thrash out policy. Then came JPII. He destroyed the liberal church on purpose.

  • Christopher
  • Tom

    Begone, dumb fool. Repent of your hopeless idiocy.

  • TuuxKabin

    My ‘some signs of repentance’ bastard, if you even get near me.

    https://fairyprincessdiaries.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/1408573535774.gif?w=460

  • Michael

    He seems nice.

  • The Sentinel

    That 911 call is GOLD.

    • Mike_in_the_Tundra

      I wonder if he was also wearing a harness and leather thong?

  • In the Catholic Church, can a Bishop get away with this against the wishes of his superior? I assume this Bishop is under the authority of the Archbishop of Chicago — Cardinal Blase Cupich. Cupich is considered very sympathetic to the LGBT community (see his letter “I stand with you”). Can Cupich stop this? https://www.ncronline.org/blogs/ncr-today/cupich-letter-lgbt-community-i-stand-you

    • Phillip in L.A.

      Yes, the Cardinal can basically excommunicate the Bishop if he wants to go to all the trouble of filling out forms in Latin

    • coram nobis

      Francis could can this bishop personally. He’s done it before, e.g., see the “Bishop of Bling” affair.

      http://www.nytimes.com/2013/10/24/world/europe/vatican-suspends-german-bishop-known-for-spending.html

      … The bishop, Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst, 53, of Limburg, was said to have let the cost of renovating his residence and other church buildings balloon to more than $41 million. The projects drew ridicule in the German news media for luxuries like a $20,000 bathtub, a $1.1 million landscaped garden and plans for an 800-square-foot fitness room — as well as a cross to be suspended from the ceiling of a personal chapel, which necessitated the reopening of a renovated roof.

  • Mike_in_the_Tundra

    I’m certain it would be okay if we sexually assaulted little children.

  • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

    Married nominally Catholic Monseigneur Bonhomme decrees: Fuck you!

    • David Walker

      See, now, I could see confessing to you.

      • 2guysnamedjoe

        “And for your penance,” said Père C.J.B., “you shall [insert fantasy here].”

      • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

        Yes, my child. I’m all ears. 👂🏼

  • Blake J Butler
  • Jonathan Smith
  • Tiger Quinn

    And to the people who that sort of thing is important to: maybe this is where you realize that sort of thing isn’t a real thing, if a man can stand between you and God.

    • Tor

      Paging Dr. Martin Luther! Paging Dr. Martin Luther!

  • Ernest Endevor

    I repent of my marriage at least three or four times a day so I should be golden.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a9d5666343f986bf3b4becfb7237c1f8f060b247600669fe97d6755cd6d31cc4.jpg

    • coram nobis
      • agcons

        “Ohh, that’s too much ecstasy. Too, too much!”

        ~ my art history professor c. 1993

        • coram nobis

          It depicts a dream St. Teresa had, where an angel pierces her with an arrow and caused her to go into ecstasy. It’s a major work in the church of Sta. Maria Vitoria in Rome. I suppose a life of celibacy would cause some night-time … events … but it’s a major Counter-Reformation work of church art.

          • agcons

            My prof was joking, and of course was making pretty much the same point you did in your first post. Only about half the class got it right away (sigh).

          • BobSF_94117

            An arrow, eh?

          • coram nobis

            That’s what the angel is holding and what she said she saw in her dream.

      • Karl Dubhe

        If you rely on ceremonial wine to get nookie, all your tricks might look like her. 🙂

  • GayOldLady

    Go to Hell Mary!

  • DisqusD37

    Nothing godly about him. More like a demon in disguise.

  • Ken M

    Why is it these fools NEVER bring up divorce?

    • Jonathan Smith

      and lose 1/2 their congregation? don’t be silly

    • Bad Tom

      Because annulments are a moola maker.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    I cant, it’s really just too much.

  • Karl Dubhe

    You’ll refuse to say the magic words after someone’s dead?

    Well, that’ll show them! Really, it will.

    • Bad Tom

      They won’t even know it!
      But their friends and family will. They were the real targets all along.

      • Karl Dubhe

        The living always were. Remember when they sold Indulgences?

        “Get your grandparents out of Hell or Purgatory! Bargain.”

        • grada3784

          The soul from Purgatory doth spring,
          when the coin in the cash box doth ring.

          • Karl Dubhe

            That’s a scam I wish I came up with. 🙂

          • grada3784

            It’s part of what led to the Reformation. It was a part of Tetzel’s spiel.

  • royinhell

    Dear Catholic Church:
    Your rites mean nothing. Your beliefs are ridiculous. Your politics are disgusting.
    Fuck off and pay taxes.

    • DoctorDJ

      Amen.

    • don

      Insert name of any church. No f*cking way should they be tax-exempt…!

  • So on a married LGBTI death bed, the dying looks from the priest to the person they have loved for years and has to make a choice…..There is no choice. “Priest be done!”

  • Mike

    They are scums of the earth, even with the smiley friendly new boss. Just when they make you think maybe the catholic church wants to do better, they do something to show us they are as bad as they ever were, or worse. Let the lawsuits continue until they have nothing left and are small enough to be put out with the trash.

  • Karl Dubhe

    This crap makes me want to file a noise complaint about the fucking church bells from the Basilica next door. 🙁

    • agcons

      Heathen!

      • Karl Dubhe

        Apostate, actually. They’d burn me at the stake if they could. 🙂

  • Tor

    Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?

  • Stephen Elliot Phillips

    You know if this powerful presence swooped down and actually somehow made me believe that it was god and I wasnt on a bad shroom trip, I may have the slightest change of heart about believing in dieties.
    BUT this is another human telling me what HE thinks god is saying. He aint god. He’s a pedophile in a black frock. I aint listening to his BS

  • JWC
    • coram nobis

      Protestantism was the triumph of Paul over Peter. Fundamentalism is the triumph of Paul over Christ.
      — Will Durant

  • pleasebereasonable1

    How terrible! Eyeroll. Now if only that stick wasn’t so imaginary….. .

  • Ken M

    Another “P” man from Illinois. Maybe Trump can find a job for him in DC too.

  • coram nobis

    Breaking: Federal judge in Detroit blocks ICE deportation of 100 Chaldean Christians back to Iraq, where they faced death.

    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/jun/22/iraq-deportation-us-judge-halts-detroit-ice-raid

    ACLU did this action, not, apparently, Bishop Pockeyhuck or the local archdiocese.

    • Bad Tom

      ACLU once again proving their worth.

      • 2guysnamedjoe

        And Bishop Poprocks, his lack thereof.

  • leo77

    The narcissism is breath taking.

  • Adam Stevens

    Hey padre, you’re one sick fuck.

    Deny my husband of 17 years??????

    Go fuck yourself, buddy.

  • 2guysnamedjoe

    So if you’re really keen on a bigass church funeral, just murmur to the padre, “Oh. Uh. Yeah. Sorry. ‘n’ stuff.” With your fingers crossed.
    Now your friends can have their big party in the church.

  • What

    Signior Pet-rocky might be in for a slapdown from El Papa if he doesn’t cut it out.

  • FAEN

    Dear Bishop Paprocki-GO. FUCK. YOURSELF! Preferably with something hard, sandpapery and on fire.

    • Ken M

      He would probably enjoy that. Maybe just a nice female virgin to bore him to death.

    • Helen Damnation 🍑™

      And lubed up with Been-Gay, or Icy-Hawt, whatever is stronger…

  • Ken M

    77 million Catholics in the US. Now mind you, that’s baptized, no guarantee that they’re practicing. Median age for priests is 59; over 40% over over 65. Is there a trend here? Add to that , that a large percent of “Christians” aren’t Catholic and the church could be finding itself in a less than blessed space. If Trump kicks out the Latinos…OUCH! There was a time the internet would have been called a miracle. That time has passed.

  • m_lp_ql_m

    This makes no sense:
    1) The “catholic” church doesn’t recognize same sex marriages in the first place when a person is alive, so now they’re doing so during and upon death?
    2) LGBTQ who embrace this church deserve the agony they get anyway simply for doing so. An organization known for tormenting LGBTs deserves no support.

    • ted-

      Thank you!

  • bambinoitaliano

    Because I want to see a priest in my last breath and let their kakameme bullshit centuries old con job of a ceremony to send me off? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9e84bc4d00611b495c1364bd84a315136e324743c1a47420afc4ff0c97056390.gif

  • CB

    Who was it who said, “Who am I to judge?” Oh, right, the motherfucking POPE. Why any LGBTQ person thinks he or she has any need for the cathlicks escapes me.

  • Ken M

    Good luck praying that gay away..It’s PRIDE in Chicago this weekend ; )

    • Friday

      Probably why he had to think of something nasty to do to Catholic families with gay people in em.

  • For a couple of decades now I have refused gigs at Catholic Churches. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being too hard on them. After all, most of the mainline protestant churches where I have gigged have mixed positions on gay issues. But then something like this happens and I remember why. I’d rather starve to death than take gigs for bigoted hypocrites like that. Why any gay person is still in the Catholic church I do not know. Come to think of it, why anyone is still int he church of the kidfuckers is beyond me.

  • BobSF_94117

    Pretty tacky to use a priest’s 911 tape to discredit the bishop.

    • Friday

      Pretty tacky of a Bishop to try to use the occasion of someone dying to try and bust up LGBT families. Maybe pressure any hapless gay Catholics to make sure their assets can be grabbed by homophobic Catholic relatives,etc. I say screw ’em.

      • BobSF_94117

        I didn’t mean it was tacky to do to the bishop.

    • Helen Damnation 🍑™

      Why do we keep trying to shield the truth from Catholic churches and their leaders? If religion is so good, let’s tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Like Trump trying to discredit #RussiaGate, when they’ve got nothing, blame the whistle-blowers.

    • m_lp_ql_m

      The “catholic” church excused themselves from any form of fair play after the 1200’s or so.

  • Mrs. Councillor Nugent

    You say a word of criticism toward the church hierarchy and they start screaming that you’re anti-catholic. We had an Italian catholic family move on our street in the late 50s. Two kids, and it sure wasn’t abstinence. They also went out on their power boat every weekend, all weekend, and this was before Saturday masses. They didn’t stay on our street long. I believe the other catholics shunned them–nice christian sentiment. . .

    • Xiao Ai: The Social Gadfly

      But, I AM anti-Catholic. I’m anti-Religion in fact.

    • Cranky Squirrel

      I am very proudly anti-Catholic. The church is a vile institution.

  • Ken M

    “You will go to Hell” “Been there, done that” well, there goes the fear factor.

  • Michael Glatze, the “ex-gay” pastor who was portrayed in a movie by James Franco of all people, announced a few months ago that he quit his Wyoming church, traveled around the country (for reasons) and now lives in San Fran and considers himself a Catholic:

    https://web.archive.org/web/20170111052516/http://elliottcandle.blogspot.com/

    He said on FB a few days before he mysteriously disappeared from all social media that he was going to take RCIA classes.

  • unclemike

    It astounds me that any gay or ally would still remain a member of this church.

    • rickhfx

      But they do.

  • Statistics Palin

    That makes it easier to keep priests away from my funeral. I thought I’d have to spray myself with clergy repellent before I die. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3ce4c7a597473f714d1f07e4ada40231322ddc716f15b5aca257bc902ce8ec58.jpg

    • ted-

      I’m going to spray this whole country with it!

  • Ken M

    I remember getting “Confirmed”. It was so cool, we got to pick another middle name : ) That’s about the extent of the sacraments these days.

  • jayjonson

    Good. The more these bastards reveal their bigotry and hatred the less support they will have. We have to remember that in our epic battle for marriage equality, love won but it could not have done so without the hate on the other side.

  • TK

    Hey Bishop – go fuck yourself with a sharp pointy crucifix. Preferably a very large one!! And then drop dead – with NO funeral. I agree with CottonBlimp – of course they won’t suggest such things for child molesting priests. I’m so sick of all this twisted, sick religious bullshit. Ban the churches!!

    • ted-

      1000 Up vote!

  • Floyd

    There’s never a Sweeney Todd around when you need one. Have a Little Priest.

    • ted-

      Patience… 🙂

  • LovesIrony
    • ted-

      Great movie!

  • Dejerrity

    Fuck the priests. They’re just sad old men in dresses who fuck underage boys.

    • ted-

      Succinctly said.

  • ted-

    It’s about time LGBT folks and allies start to leave Catholicism.

    • canoebum

      Isn’t the ACCUS an accepting organization, an alternative for those who have had enough of the RCC? There is a gay retreat center (Easton Mountain) near where I live and I believe one of the founders became a priest in ACCUS.

      • ted-

        News to me

  • This is why this Catholic does not go anywhere near a Catholic church anymore.

  • I see the religious as somewhat weak because they need a spiritual being to lean on and to guide them to be good. And to be fair, when one is raised within any religion from birth, they believe anything their parent(s) believe, so they have little chance of breaking free. In my view, it’s indoctrination by brainwashing starting during the fetal period and becoming more aggressive as we age, to keep us “on track”. What I know, is that I can absolutely depend on myself, my husband and most of my family in hard times and spiritual guidance is not needed for the comfort and love I may need from time to time. And god is not needed to know what’s right and fair treatment. I don’t begrudge anyone of their truths (beliefs) so don’t begrudge me of my truths.

    • Friday

      Actually, you’re thinking of authoritarian religions, notably the Abrahamic monotheisms: they *claim* that all religions do what they do, (but only they are ‘right’) …but they actually just supplant and subjugate real human spirituality, then expect to make people suffer enough to go begging to ‘believe’ and obey them. The human experience isn’t all ‘objective’ either, though.

      • Christianity is just that. Their beliefs and their god are the only valid ones. Worshipers of any others are going to h3ll unless they convert. Once I fully understood what that meant, logic proved to me that there were no gods at all and and each was just made up to make people behave (in particular, it seems in matters related to lust) – out of fear of eternal h3ll.

        • Friday

          Well, I’m just saying don’t believe them when they tell you about *other* religions, either. Frankly, *their* the ones who insist ‘There’s either our God or none,’ … it’s always funny how many Atheists just swallowed that line whole. When frankly, that’s part of how monotheists try to trap people: they claim it’s either them or Nothing. (While of course billing that ‘nothing’ as more terrifying than their Hells, funny nough. ) Shrinks people’s worlds, I think, mostly down to arguments with *them.*

  • Jacob

    I’d offer to help dig your cult’s grave but it doesn’t look like you need it.

  • JT

    Fuck you, asswipe!

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    This is why religion must be destroyed, utterly and without mercy.

  • ceeenbee

    How to put this gently?

    FUCK THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND ALL THE CHILD MOLESTERS IT HIDES.

  • Xuuths

    I kind of look down on anyone who admits to being catholic, much like I look down on anyone claiming they’ve “just seen Elvis!”

  • Macbill

    What a wonderful way to espouse the tenets of White Jesus.

    • (((GC)))

      Yeah, the very same Jesus who had these unmistakable words to say about homosexuality:

       

       

       

       

       

  • Al Kaseltzer

    Fuck you.

  • Monotheists… you know, it’s awfully difficult to scream long streams of hateful invectives whilst puking? I just found out.

  • Blackfork

    EAT. SHIT. AND DIE.

  • Marides48

    Unless you consider yourself a Caholick, this is bullshit

  • askDominick

    Shove your little mysteries, kidfuckers.

  • Jim Foy

    Burn that church down!

  • David

    FUCK YOU
    FUCK YOU
    FUCK YOU
    FUCK YOU
    FUCK YOU
    FUCK YOU
    FUCKING GODDAMNED PRIESTS

  • IDavid

    Last Rites by evil freaks guaranteed to keep you Earth bound. They all work for evil. Be thankful that villain is far far away from your death bed. Now trip onto heaven at will, without being stopped. That’s your rite. It’s called free will, don’t ever turn it over to an evil man in black.

  • ECarpenter

    This is just the latest in a two thousand year history of Church immorality and vileness.

    At least they don’t have the secular power they had for so many centuries – or we’d be burnt at the stake or tortured to death to convince us to stop our “heresy”. A lot of our gay predecessors were burnt or tortured by the assh0les in this organization. And the Protestants kept it up, too, the Catholics weren’t alone in their abominations.

    And Xtians wonder why so many of us loath their religion.

  • Paprocki is one of the sickest in a whole line-up of sick, sick people — also known as “the Catholic hierarchy.”

  • Silver Badger

    Fuck the catholic church with Pence’s shrived dick.

  • And to this, I say: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you!

  • rednekokie

    Absolutely totally disgusting crappo!
    He needs to get rid of gay priests first — but then he’d have no one to preach his form of nonsense to the public.

    Is it any wonder that people (who can think for themselves) are leaving the church of Rome by the thousands, if not millions?

  • Homo Erectus

    I wouldn’t trust that fucker around my corpse – would you?

  • Go die in a fire you pompous child molester.

  • jonfromcalifornia

    Contrast this Pharisaic Republican conservative homophobe appointed by that chief archconservative Benedict XVI with that of Cardinal Archbishop Blaise Cupich of Chicago appointed by Pope Francis. It’s like night and day. The Catholic Church is NOT a monolithic institution. It is comprised of conservatives and progressives just like this country and unfortunately, the conservatives are in power right now (just like this country). Cardinal Cupich was elevated to the cardinalate only last year by Francis. His compassionate and pastoral approach to LGBT and other issues make him a standout among the conservative stranglehold of the US Conference of Catholic Bishops most of whom were appointed by John Paul and Benedict. There is a whole crop of new bishops appointed by Francis but they are outnumbered by the conservatives. Francis may be hated and scorned by many of you here for not “saying” enough but his actions speak louder than his words. Many think that the Pope is like some kind of king with unlimited power but actually he is more like a President. The Pope is constrained by the Curia and the President is constrained by Congress. Popes can be deposed just as Presidents can be impeached.

  • sandollar_man

    The priests only pretend to have knowledge of an afterlife. But they haven’t shown us any additional info about the afterlife, since their cult leader died 2000 years ago. And hell, HE didn’t show us how to do the experiments that would help us to “prove” an afterlife, either.
    Every time you hear someone pretending to know about life after death – the drink in your mouth should erupt out in a transcendent “spit take”.

    All of their holier-than-thou inquisition mentality is based on their supposed knowledge of an afterlife.
    They love to pretend to have authority based on that fantasy.
    In other words, their authority is based on BS and manipulative sleight of hand.

    Anybody who would choose to be a part of their cult, hasn’t stepped back to see that big conman picture yet.

  • KQCA

    Everyone, including Joe, I apologize that this is VERY off-topic, but does anyone in the greater Los Angeles area happen to know of a store where I can try on women’s shoes that will fit a large men’s shoe size?
    I need to try on a pair and buy them for a costume and none of my friends know anything about drag or female impersonators. Again, my apologies for interrupting the thread.

  • Franciscan

    Gay parishioners should consider ditching this spawn of Satan and join the Abraham Lincoln Unitarian Universalist Congregation in Springfield.

  • Tony Huffman

    For a good read google the names Msgr John Reinkin and Scott Kastel – the Msgr better do some repenting….

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  • It all comes down to the notion of ‘sin’, a distinctly religious idea with no purchase in the real world. I mean really – behavior and attitudes that zealots have decided offends a non-existent deity. Sure, human behavior can be moral or immoral, but there’s nothing immoral about gay sex per se, or gay marriage.

    Repentance is another, related religious idea with no real meaning – asking forgiveness of a fantasy figure. We should never ‘repent’ our sexuality, sex or relationships.

  • SilasMarner

    Fuck a whole bunch of him and his stupid cult!

  • Tony Fullerton

    I wonder what Jesus would do in this situation? everyone is entitled to his or her opinion as an individual however a shepherd in this case the bishop is supposed to be a shepherd of the whole flock of god including sinners.

  • Fur Hunter

    This @$$HOLE Bishop needs to take his miter and shove it up his @$$. He must not have heard the comments made by….THE POPE….regarding gays. Does he not remember those comments and how infuriated the church hierarchy got regarding them? So, is he now, taking charge instead of….THE POPE???? Religious pieces of $H!T like this guy make me puke.

  • Ogre Magi

    Does this really surprise anyone?

  • fedupmd

    Why would any gay want to be Catholic. We have rules, history,and morals. The gays have history. Start your own church.

    • pdquick

      Or we could acknowledge that the Catholic Church has been a nearly endless source of cruelty and human misery, and add this to the pile of examples.

      Also, we could avoid getting diverted by stupid utterances like this, and hold the church actually accountable, with actual dollars, for all the actual people that it has actually victimized, from child molestation to the torture and murder of people who have been placed under its care, until it is no longer a going concern.

  • pdquick

    Sorry. But not my problem. I realized when my gay-as-shit ninth grade religion teacher was swishing on about the difference between the Immaculate Conception and the Virgin Birth that it was all bullshit, and never looked back. I could have used a gay role model right about then, but I had to grow up and be my own.

    If somebody tried to give me a Catholic funeral, my only hope is that it would be open casket and I could be posed giving a middle finger.

  • Gianni

    Would not take much for me to tell this guy to go fuck himself. We need more of that wonderful Christian love.

  • Tom Chicago

    malodorous object bobs to the surface.

  • Bill Kenny

    As a gay Catholic, my prediction is that many, if not most, priests on the parish level will just ignore this. In practice, a great many parishes are in effect gay-friendly.

  • TallBearNC

    Ignore that asshole. No human can speak for God etc. if they do , they are lying.

  • Bruce Brown

    Gay Roman Catholics should become Episcopalians. Catholic without the hate or guilt . Almost the same liturgy.