Trump Departs For Nine-Day Foreign Trip Amid Roiling Domestic Scandals, Nation Hurriedly Changes Locks

The Hill reports:

President Trump set off Friday for his first foreign trip, a nine-day, five-stop tour of the Middle East and Europe that comes amid turmoil at home. rump said in a Friday morning tweet he’s excited for the trip.

He tweeted Friday morning: “Getting ready for my big foreign trip. Will be strongly protecting American interests – that’s what I like to do!” The president’s trip will be shadowed by the growing controversy at home over his campaign’s alleged ties to Russia.

Trump’s abrupt firing of FBI Director James Comey last week set off a firestorm in Washington that resulted in the appointment of a special counsel to oversee the probe. The situation has dashed hopes in the White House that the trip could have served as a reset for Trump’s chaos-filled presidency.

  • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

    Melania looks thrilled.

    • liondon#iamnotatraitor

      She has a steady supply of Xanax logs… she’ll be fine.

      • Philly Mike

        Xanax logs!

    • Tawreos

      His immigration policies may not let her back into the country

      • David Walker

        And being the loyal, faithful, truly compassionate guy he is, he’ll refuse to come into the country until she’s allowed to come in, which she won’t be because she’s not entirely legal.

        Then there’s the fantasy that he’ll be barred from entering the country…any reason will do.

    • another_steve

      As in the (sadly no more) Downton Abbey, the palace doors will be unlocked at night and there will be much “exchange of personnel” then.

      Jared will reveal his humongous oh-so-billionaire Jewish endowment and good looks to Melania as she lay in her bed, and she will submit.

      There will be moaning.

      “Oh… Jared…do it again. Yes, there. Do it again.”

      (I have to stop now. I’m getting an angina attack….)

      • clay

        and I was getting indigestion.

  • Philly Mike

    Poor Melania she has to be with “IT” for 11 days, I know she sold her soul but he was probably not derranged at that time just an asshole.

    • safari

      He has plenty of meetings and photo ops. She’ll be fine.

      • Philly Mike

        different rooms I hope!

        • safari

          It’s not different than how it’s done now, I suppose.

        • Snarkaholic

          She’ll pay store owners huge sums of money to “forget” that she’s there and to lock the store for the night…trapping her inside.

      • Philly Mike

        my thoughts and prayers are with her

    • another_steve

      Re the “sold her soul” thing, this has been discussed many times in the JMG comment threads.

      I’m of the camp that says, “Look, give girl a break. It was either marrying Donald Trump and feasting on caviar and imported gluten-free crackers for the immediate future or doing soft-core lesbian porn in some backwater country where you’re lucky if the electrical power stays on all day.”

  • safari
    • clay

      1) So, H.R. Puffnstuff Giger McMaster is now advising the WH Press Corp for the sake of national security?

      2) At the Coast Guard Academy graduation he said, “I will strengthen old friendships and seek new partners, but partners who also help us, not partners who take, and take, and take,” but the only head of state he’s meeting who leads a country we’re not already partnered with is Sudan’s (war-crime indicted) al-Bashir. Maybe president Trump will hand deliver a signed weapons deal for Sudan, as well?

      3) After months moaning about the “horrible” Paris Accord, Trump now says he’ll only pull out of it if Merkle, Macron, and Frankie can’t sell it to him.

      • The_Wretched

        Misuse of staff should be on the impeachment articles list.

  • Anastasia Beaverhousen

    Bye, Bye! Don’t hurry back. Stay away as long as you want.

    Okay now send the note to North Korea identifying his location….

    • JWC

      Ah Putty is preparing a nice Dacha for him and Mellie..no wait one for each

  • another_steve

    In half the countries they’re visiting, Melania can probably be arrested due to all the makeup she wears.

  • Tawreos

    He is out there, “strongly protecting American interests”…we’ll be in a war by Monday.

    • Gustav2

      Ugh, his phrasing.

      • Joe in PA

        He must have been admonished for using “bigly” too much…so he switched it up and used “strongly”.

        SMH.

    • Jerry

      After his Saudi speech on Islam, the entire middle east will be in flames.

    • CottonBlimp

      Let’s be honest, he’s out there selling American interests.

    • LaChatSayWha

      “Strongly protecting [his own] interests”

      In related news, this cowardly, imbecilic bag of unchecked neurosis and loathsomeness is terrified by all of the changes of habit this trip will require. One of the biggest problems is all of the upcoming state meals… which obviously won’t feature fast food. So his team includes a special “chef” who is prepared to provide burnt steak and ketchup for the Totalitarian Tangerine at any meal. The stories we’ll get out this trip should be excruciatingly entertaining.

  • Jon Doh

    I’m surprised the Frost Lady didn’t take a different flight at our expense.

    • Joe in PA

      That’s the rest of the family. 🙁

    • Robincho

      Don’t worry. Whatever flight Melanoma takes will be very much at our expense…

  • Mike Solo

    BBC News showed tRump and Melania walking up to the plane, and the commentator made a remark of “she always seems to follow and walk behind him”

    • safari

      He’s more pleasant looking from the rear. Usually.

      • Jon Doh

        He’s the best looking President, hands down going away.

      • Rex

        She probably can’t tell the difference between his face and his ass.

    • charemor

      She knows her place as a woman.

    • Tawreos

      If she walks next to him he will try to talk to her.

    • pj

      if shes ahead he grabs her pussy

    • -M-

      ‘Maybe she’s not allowed to speak.’
      -DJT

  • dcurlee

    I need to get my bomb shelter built before they get back I think I will need it

  • Dejerrity Mycron

    Judging from the picture, Trump brought along his robotic Melania fembot on this trip.

    Orange is the new cyborg.

  • Rex

    Have a good trip Donnie!
    No, seriously, catch your foot on something and fall flat on your face.

    • Paula Key

      bury your head in Saudi sand!

  • Tawreos

    Are we sure he doesn’t have Trump properties in all of these countries and is just going to visit them at our expense?

    • The_Wretched

      I’m sure he’ll make it a point to stay at Trump Org. properties.

  • Jim Maloney

    I don’t see there being a ‘reset’ as long as he is president. What you see is what you get. Those who know him would likely say the same. Drama and him go hand-in-hand.

    • swimboy

      Exactly. We were promised a reset after the Convention, then they said he’d start being presidential after the election. And then they said it again when he was sworn into office, but even after his “presidential” speech to congress, it’s still the same ol’ Donnie. Anybody who’s expecting a “reset” now is just plain daft.

  • Dejerrity Mycron

    I bet his handlers told him he was going to Golf Camp.

  • Rex

    Hell with a reset, time for resignation.

  • DrRobY

    I look at Melania; I should despise everything about her. But deep down I just have to say, “You go girl.” Token beautiful wife who makes only special guest appearances. It’s obvious that she cannot stand him—basically using him for the $$$ and the lifestyle. And when he goes off to prison, she will be free of his sorry ass. Yes, there are many issues against her, but I just have to say not bad for a Slovenian pornstar.

    • Joe in PA

      Ugh, no amount of $$ and “lifestyle” could make up for the fact that she has to sleep with this pig.

      • Silver Badger

        I don’t think she does much of that any more since she had her anchor baby.

      • Derrick Johns

        Well, Joe, maybe just once every few months.

        I wonder if Melania fantasizes about her husband’s predecessor?

        • Joe in PA

          only about the girth.

          • Joe in PA

            oh wait, that’s me. 🙂

        • Paula Key

          maybe about Jared?

    • boobert

      She also falls in the complicit category !

    • Paula Key

      Wait until she writes her “tell all” book! Since he will be a criminal, all those signed hush documents will be null and void.

  • skyweaver

    “Nation Hurriedly Changes Locks” – good laugh!

    • Silver Badger

      How about we simply join Canada while he is away?

      • another_steve

        Let’s just eliminate the northern border we share with them and pollute them with our politics.

        • Silver Badger

          How about they pollute us with their politics?

          • another_steve

            How about Justin Trudeau sit on my face?

          • Silver Badger

            Fine by me. Video at 11?

          • Joe in PA

            aw come on…ya gotta share.

          • pj

            and health insurance

      • canoebum

        How about some parts join Canada while he’s gone? I can think a few places down here Canada doesn’t really need.

        • vorpal 😼

          Unbuckle the Bible Belt to start with, and we Canadians might consider it :-).

          • Paula Key

            Don’t forget that July 1st 2017 marks Canada’s 150th birthday. I married July 1, 2000.

          • Marionbwoody

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        • Silver Badger

          But they need Canada!

    • canoebum

      Headline of the Week!

  • Macbill

    I wonder if Melania has a stack of autographed naked photos of herself to give out as a remembrance of all that is good and holy?

  • JWC

    KEERIST Let the embarassing SHIT show begin

  • nocadrummer

    During the campaign, some liked his approach.
    Now that he occupies the Oval Office, many would like to see his departure.

  • RemusL

    “American” is code for “my personal”.

    “Will be strongly protecting my personal interests – that’s what I like to do!”

  • Joe in PA

    Love this “presidential” tweet:

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/865573793531478017

    Like a 10 year old. 🙁

    • Gigi

      At least he didn’t say: Only one more sleep until by big foreign trip. Can’t wait to see Euro Disney!

      • Joe in PA

        I wish I could find the response that NPR cited today…something like “hey Trump you’re the president, not beavis and butthead”. Maybe the dumb and dumber guys?

      • JCF

        ^ That still sounds too sophisticated to be a Drumpf tweet.

        • Gigi

          It’s because I wrote it. 😉

    • Natty Enquirer

      I also like to look at maps!

    • lymis

      I notice he didn’t say it was his FIRST big foreign trip as President. Let’s hope he’s right and this is his only one.

  • Frostbite

    Maybe they will keep him!

  • Ernest Endevor

    Do those two know each other?

    • Gustav2

      In the biblical sense, only once.

      • ohh myy

        I’m not so sure the Third Lady doesn’t have more mileage than that old 747.

        • Tawreos

          Maybe she was a rental for a while.

        • True, but not with cheetolini.

        • Steven Jaeger

          But as FW(hore)OTUS she’s unique.

  • Gigi

    In what world does “strongly protecting American interests” = revealing super classified intel to hostile governments and choosing a politically compromised man as your National Security Adviser?

    • MikeBx2

      Excellent question from a sane, rational human being. Which is also the answer to your question.

  • MikeBx2

    Yes, his first foreign trip. His second will be seeking asylum.

    • Snarkaholic

      I can name several asylums where he’d fit in nicely.

    • Jon Doh

      Forever after the spelling would be changed to assylum.

  • boobert

    They can keep the whole bunch, plane and all !

  • Rex

    Let me fly the plane – I know more than the pilots do!

    • ohh myy

      I can totally hear him say that.

  • Jon Doh

    I’ll bet she was hoping Airfarce One was over booked.

    • The_Wretched

      She might prefer United on an overbooked flight.

  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    Okay time for another fevered dream. Comey releases a few more memos while Trump is away, a few more tapes surface and the FBI determines Trump is am immediate threat to national security. Trump returns and as he walks down the steps of Air Force one [Danger – steps!] Trump is arrested and led away in handcuffs in front of a massive barrage of cameras and media. [Also the law enforcement officers are hunky, in tight uniforms and call me to get together to ‘relax’ after throwing Trump into a holding cell].

    • Tawreos

      I hope your dreams come true.

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        Tanks! I think they should.

    • Chicago joe

      Thanks for the very cheerful thought going into the weekend!

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        My pleasure Joe.

    • David Walker

      A dream is a wish your heart makes. Here’s hoping, especially the part about the hunky law enforcement officers. You deserve it.

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        Tanks! Yes, I’ll take pictures.

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    Why doesn’t Barron get to go?

    • Joe in PA

      Too experienced, he’d show everyone up.

  • NowAnAgnostic

    Do newly inaugurated (100+ days) presidents usually schedule such a long foreign trip this early in their administration?

    • Tawreos

      Obama went to Europe in April of 2009, so it is not unheard of. Of course, Obama wasn’t a xenophobe that looks down on anyone that isn’t ‘Murican

  • Rex

    Apparently pigs can fly.

  • MikeBx2

    While they’re in the air, we really need for more bad news to break for Trump. Then imagine how small AF1 must feel with Trump ranting and raving at everyone. Good times.

    • edrex

      great idea!

    • clay

      . . . Lieberman legal/financial entanglements cannot be overcome . . .
      . . . Bob Mueller announces full cooperation from Mike Flynn . . .
      . . . Trump Tower NYC safe stolen!

  • Chrissy
  • DonnaLee

    Poor Melania, stuck with him for 9 days. Longest she’s had to deal with him since he was assigned Presidency.

    • Jon Doh

      She requested an air sickness barf bag on the way to the plane.

  • Mike C

    Look at the happy couple.

  • Miji

    Can we now give him the James Comey treatment? While he’s out of town and at a big public event in Saudi Arabia, file articles of impeachment so it will be blowing up on tv screens and everyone’s phones while he’s speaking.

    • LOVE how your mind works! A zillion upvotes.

  • Sam_Handwich
    • ohh myy

      My money’s on Jared … or Miller.

      • clay

        Miller, or Hungarian Nazi?

        • I’d like both please!

    • David Walker

      Rachel should be pleased. It’s not even 5PM…she’ll have plenty of time to work on this.

  • Sam_Handwich
    • Cuberly

      He always has a yes-man there to cover for his addlepated nonsense.

      “A third government official briefed on the meeting defended the president, saying Mr. Trump was using a negotiating tactic when he told Mr. Lavrov about the “pressure” he was under. The idea, the official suggested, was to create a sense of obligation with Russian officials and to coax concessions out of Mr. Lavrov — on Syria, Ukraine and other issues — by saying that Russian meddling in last year’s election had created enormous political problems for Mr. Trump.”

      • clay

        but why would they feel any obligation, unless they already had an interest in Trump’s problems?

        • Cuberly

          Concessions? The ole saying, blood from a turnip comes to mind.

      • CB

        25 points for addlepated, Eliza

    • Bryan

      Omg, paging Dr. Projects-a-lot.

  • Michael

    Great headline, Joe!

  • fuzzybits

    rump. lol!

  • TJay229

    “Rump said….” 😁 😁 😁 😁 😁 😁 😁

  • fuzzybits

    Shove him down the airplane crapper.

    • JCF

      A tragic faulty air-lock incident!

  • Halou

    “Will be strongly protecting American interests – that’s what I like to do!”

    Well, there is a first time for everything, right?

    • Steven Jaeger

      by leaving the country permanently?

  • Cuberly
    • clay

      1) at least he didn’t parade Hope Hicks in front of his wife.

      2) Melania’s spanx are certainly working.

      3) “We, who are about to die, salute you.”

      • Paula Key

        There is NO love or respect between these two. She walks behind him. He ignores her to talk to an official. He walks up the plane steps before her.

        • JCF

          God, on Inauguration Day? He left in the limo, and walked into the White House. The Obamas were left to fetch her. I know she’s a glorified whore, but I still felt humiliated on her behalf. Drumpf lacks any SEMBLANCE of human feeling. Revolting POS!

  • BillysWilly

    Should say his first foreign trip as Fake President. Obviously he had a foreign trip prior to that when he bought Melanoma from that whorehouse.

  • TKW

    Can we revoke his passport once he is out of the country? At least Melania’s since she came in illegally to begin with.

  • bkmn

    I read that AF1 was being loaded with frozen pizzas because Hair Furor does not want to eat foreign food.

    Absolutely no one will be shocked by this.

    • Alexander Crouton-Skitch

      I’m sure frozen pizzas are the healthiest things crammed onto that plane. I’m seeing buckets o’ chicken, bags of pork rinds, freeze dried McDonald’s, …

      • bkmn

        What really bugs the crap out of me is that they have real chefs on that plane to make food from scratch and to order – yet he wants frozen pizza. What a buffoon.

        • He has the most pedestrian tastes in all things.

        • Alexander Crouton-Skitch

          I envision the White House chefs sitting around in the kitchen, very discouraged and depressed, because DT would rather eat processed crap than what they’ve worked all of their lives for. He just ruins everything.

  • Alexander Crouton-Skitch
  • geoffalnutt

    Actually he’s going to Russia We’ll never him again. .

    • David Walker

      Oh…you tease, you.

    • FSM, please make it so!!!!!

  • CB

    Let’s hear it for the rainbow tour..

  • Paula Key

    Melania, walking behind Trump; Saudi Arabia will like that!

  • Happy_Housewife

    He’s got his FSB agent with him. She’ll keep him in line.

  • Gianni

    Trump could really do us a big favor and “take the pressure off” by just not coming back from this trip. He has properties all over the world; pick one, Donald, and stay there.

  • Grumpy Old Man

    Well done steak with catsup – Impeach the fucker https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b1d0ec73e68af2b581a661cf2a5e2fea08062490ac8e0d8cd03d2050c59fddd4.gif So many ways to leave your lover.

  • SDG

    He is coming here (Israel), and many of us are NOT happy. Big demonstrations planned. Bibi already has a big boner. But I think Bibi will be disappointed that Trump will not hand him everything he needs.

  • FrancisMcGlitterbomb
  • JCF

    Barf. Somehow, the view of Shitgibbon & Slut standing on THAT iconic plane, is even more offensive than seeing him in the Oval Office (probably because Air Force One flies the President off to represent the USA to the world).

    Did I mention barf?

    http://gif.mocksession.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/DON-DRAPER-PUKES.gif

  • Jay Silversmith

    Don’t let him back in….check his papers. I know Melaria is illegal, but I’ve never seen don the con’s birth certificate.

  • Bill

    Best. Headline. Ever.