When Mike Huckabee Attempts Comedy….

From the Washington Examiner:

Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee applauded President Trump’s nominee to the Supreme Court, Neil Gorsuch, for holding his own against an intense grilling by Senate Democrats during his confirmation Tuesday.

“Breaking News! Jimmy Dean Sausage Co will be renamed GORSUCH SAUSAGE because he’s grinding up some Democrat Senators into PURE PORK SAUSAGE!” Huckabee tweeted Tuesday as Gorsuch took part in a confirmation hearing on his nomination.

That tweet was part of a flurry of Gorsuch-related messages from Huckabee. He said Gorsuch looked “very impressive” and that the Democrats “look small and Gorsuch stands tall by separating personal views from the law;it’s what we hope for at SCOTUS.”

  • mikeinftl

    Mike, leave comedy to the professionals.

    • Todd20036

      Or the amateurs, or even clever commenters on blogs, or even the drunken, lonely person at the end of the bar.

  • Huck’s tried this before, making jokes on Teh Twitter. He is absolutely horrible at it.

    Then again, he’s a horrible person.

    • That_Looks_Delicious

      The one Republican who, surprisingly, can sometimes be wickedly funny on Twitter is Bobby Jindal.

      • Todd20036

        Given how much he’s been the butt of jokes by the GOP, I’m not surprised.

        Can you imagine him being help up by customs in an airport?

        I can.

      • james1200

        I can’t even imagine that this could be true.

        • That_Looks_Delicious

          My favorite Jindal tweet was shortly after Trump’s “two corinthians”: “Donald Trump hasn’t read the Bible because Donald Trump isn’t in the Bible.”

          • Chucktech

            Frankly, I doubt that Trump has read “Art of the Deal.”

    • james1200

      That’s because he himself is the joke. btw, @KenTremendous always does a great job of explaining why Fuckabee’s “jokes” don’t work.

      https://twitter.com/KenTremendous/status/844242757325484032

    • Chuck in NYC

      And wouldn’t you know his lame attempt would be food-related. Sad.

  • Robert Anthony
    • Derrick Johns

      LOL What is this breed that has this facial expression? Or is it a mixed breed? When your man comes home drinking just put this cat right in front him…NO!

      • zhera

        Ragdoll cat. Grumpy Cat has an underbite and feline dwarfism.

      • Robert Anthony

        I wouldn’t have known what breed, so I’m glad zhera replied to you, but I have to ask: have you never seen “Grumpy Cat” before? : )

        • Derrick Johns

          “…but I have to ask: have you never seen “Grumpy Cat” before? : )”
          No, not feline. I’ve seen plenty of human beings with that kind of face…even they try to smile.

          • Robert Anthony

            Haven’t we all? : ) You should google “grumpy cat”. He was pretty popular years ago.

          • Derrick Johns

            Thanks. I’m trying to think of what Hollywood stars had the Grumpy Cat face expession. I guess, James Cagney.

  • safari

    Remember when he was popular because he played an instrument or something?

  • jimbo65

    This guy’s sense of humor goes over like a dead balloon. And oh yeah, has he ever been publicly called out and made to answer for his serial killer in the making son’s behavior of killing a poor innocent dog?

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      Many times. Here.

  • AdamTh

    Joe – Can we just refer to him as “former gov Huckabee”. No need to embarrass the state of Arkansas any further….

    • Bonobo

      I didn’t realize that the state of Arkansas was capable of embarrassment.

      • McSwagg

        Everyone from Arkansas who was capable of embarrassment left as soon as they could.

        [Don’t ask me how I know this. It would be too embarrassing.]

    • Strepsi

      isn’t there?

  • Rex

    Since he hasn’t held political office for a while, I guess he’s trying his skills at comedy. Fair enough, since his political aspirations are a joke as well.

  • Boreal

    I don’t know who 1st starfighter is but I love him.

    • JoeMyGod
      • Boreal

        TY

      • SunsetGay

        If this 1st Starfighter is Han Solo, consider me his Princess Leia!

        • Todd20036

          Complete with the dress and the hair.

          • SunsetGay

            What dress? I’ll be wearing the Return of the Jedi bikini!

          • FAEN

            Atta gurl!

  • Paul David

    Does anyone listen to this guy?

    Why is he still here?

    What is his purpose? I just don’t understand….

    • james1200

      He’s waiting for Jesus to come down from heaven and makes sweet love to him, or something.

  • SunsetGay

    Mike, you don’t make the comedy. You are the comedy. Remember that.

  • Canucky Yank
  • Todd20036

    I for one, love sausages. Sucking them, grabbing them as I’m pummeling the sausage’s owner.
    Huckabee is a Nazi with the fucked up family that goes along with being a Nazi

    • Derrick Johns

      “Sucking them, grabbing them…”
      Well, I used to know what you meant before I went into the convent. “Sucking them…” oh, yeah.

    • That_Looks_Delicious

      German sausages are the wurst.

      Ba-dum-bump.

      • McSwagg

        Balogna !!!

      • Ben in Oakland

        But they are the Best wurst.

        That will show YOU!

  • That_Looks_Delicious

    He hasn’t been a governor for 10 years now, and he failed miserably at two presidential runs. Why is he still on TV?

    • clay

      ’cause the Church won’t take him back as a preacher.

  • Derrick Johns

    Trump Years (hopefully just Trump Months) But these may be America’s Trump Years.
    In the voice of the great Peggy Lee:
    Let’s break out the booze and have a ball because that’s all there is…

  • Skokieguy [Larry]
    • Todd20036

      Ah, the family just before eating lunch outside.

      Guess what the main course is.

      • Dreaming Vertebrate

        Looks like she’s holding the main course rather firmly by the neck.

        • The_Wretched

          Neck and noodles stills the poodles.

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        • Skokieguy [Larry]

          Looks like when Homer strangles Bart.

        • Steverino

          They walked the dog before the pic was taken, afterward they wok’d it for lunch.

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        Occurred to me after I posted, Was that the dog the son killed?

        • FAEN

          I think it was a few stray dogs.

          Those assholes are serial killers in the making. No trace because they clearly eat what they kill.

          • olandp

            They clearly eat EVERYTHING.

    • safari

      Vertical stripes are supposed to be slimming.

      • safari

        (Damn brain won’t work today.)

      • Todd20036

        They’re slimming, not miracle inducing.

    • Blake J Butler

      I feel sorry for Suzanne Sugarbaker, real pigs occupied her house for a number of years after DW.

      Oink Oink!!!!

    • The lovely miss on the far right is now known as Sarah Huckabee Sanders who serves as deputy assistant to the Trump and principal deputy press secretary.

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      That house needs some shutters. Closed shutters.

      • Rex

        They burned them at the last bar-b-que.

    • Boreal
    • JT
    • AtticusP

      I’m sure the dog was delicious.

    • Waarki

      +infinity

    • FAEN

      WTF are they not eating??

    • And I always thought horizontal stripes were slimming.

      • james1200

        It is slimming, that’s the scary thing here.

    • james1200

      You’re fat shaming!!! And it’s really funny!

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        Honestly, we can all agree that fat shaming isn’t right. But the outfits all by themselves are chuckle worth as is their expressions. The only thing that makes me sad is that it does look like she’s strangling the dog and its gasping for air.

        • james1200

          At least they’re not eating the dog, so that’s a step up for that family.

          • Homo Erectus

            Yet…

    • Gerry Fisher

      You are a *horrible* person for saying that. And I owe you the beverage of your choice. 🙂

    • MaryWalker111

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    • dcurlee

      Damn….what the fuck. The real story is the had five kids

    • Mark

      I’ve seen – even played this game! Sometimes i ws even drunk at a beer bust! Stripes and solids!

    • bambinoitaliano

      Those lined shirts could give one a seizure if you stare at them for too long.

    • agcons

      Stripes on some, orange on others. There must be a subliminal message in there somewhere.

    • NancyP

      Typical calorie rich, fiber poor Southern (read: white trash) diet here. Lots of meat, biscuits and gravy, pies, excess sugar, excess salt, fried foods. Sure, it’s tasty, but..No wonder the gut bacteria go on strike.

    • Daniel McCall
      • Uncle Mark

        One day none of those men will fit through those columns, and the women (and dog) will finally be free.

  • safari

    So, Huckabee’s son killed a dog at scout camp in a manner that no one will confirm for reasons that no one will confirm, and the state police director was fired seven months later for not intervening in the matter… which Huckabee said wasn’t a criminal matter and anyhow his son was a minor two weeks away from being 18.

    Huh. Huckabee bothers me even more now.

  • Boreal
    • Chucktech

      Control, yes. This is more like crash and burn.

  • Sashineb
    • The_Wretched

      Was that from the speech where he said he’d dress up like a girl in HS to get to see all the girls changing?

  • Rex

    Hey Mike, we’re not laughing with you.

  • Blake J Butler

    Let’s also joke about the rapist he released that went on to rape and murder women once he was pardoned. Or the criminal he pardoned that went on a police rampage and murdered officers. All the while without reasoning behind his pardons as governor, since he is not a attorney, i believe it was “jesus” that told him to release criminals back into society to commit horrific acts.

    I could throw in Josh Duggar, but i’ve had my fill of conservative christians doing hypocritical things.

  • The_Wretched

    The core of right wing ‘humor’ is the denigration of people without power. So here we have the dems getting ground up and presumable eaten. It’s not funny. It’s never funny.

    • Chucktech

      Absolutely. Humor requires wit and guile and mirth, but also empathy. Republicans are utterly bereft of these qualities.

      • Ben in Oakland

        But he has girth and wiles and apathy. He’s almost there.

  • sadoldguy

    Pro child killing, dog screwing Huckabee …
    Sorry, got that backwards.

    • probably works both ways in that family’s case.

  • stuckinthewoods

    Mr. Huckabee, do tell us how you’re related to Col. Caswell Campbell Huckabee of the Alabama Brierfield Furnace, pre-War slaver and post-War purchaser of re-enslaved black prisoners. Especially since you yourself suggested returning to convict slavery in Oct. 2015. http://www.salon.com/2015/10/15/mike_huckabee_just_endorsed_biblical_slavery_over_the_modern_prison_system/

  • Ragnar Lothbrok
  • Thorn Spike

    Pigs making sausage jokes is just poor taste.

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      I see what you did.

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    I like the dog one. 🙂

  • Pollos Hermanos
    • JWC

      shades of childhood is that Rosemary De Kamp

    • Tawreos

      I love St. Paul Pork Products so much I work there now!

  • Rex

    I love a good sausage joke as much as the next guy, but this is just sad.

  • bkmn
    • i hate to say this as i always enjoy your posts, but you should warn people about flashing red gifs like that. people with certain brain problems can be hypersensitive to those and may be at risk of seizures.

  • MikeBx2

    I’ll bet 90 percent of the Huckabee family’s thoughts involve pork sausage.

    • bkmn

      More than that, from looking at Mike Huckabee’s waistline.

      • Johnny Wyeknot

        It’s as round as Earth is flat.

    • Ben in Oakland

      Or porking sausage,

    • seant426

      It’s been a long-ass time since any of those boys have seen their “sausages.”

  • Beagle

    Funny as a crutch, Mike.

  • Tempus Fuggit

    aHyuck…I guess?

    Conservateeves Have No Sense of Humor, Film at Eleven.

  • PhallicMetaphor

    It’s hard to see how a sausage ground from people joke on Twitter could have gone wrong.

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      It made for a pretty good musical. MANY seasons ago.

      • M Jackson

        The Huckabee family alone could have made Mrs. Lovett as rich as winning Powerball.

  • Steven B

    O/T

    So this happened.
    Representative Maxine Waters (D-CA), the ranking member of the House Committee on Financial Services, signaled that the House of Representatives had seen all it needed to see. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b0baf48fc3496c6ce9b71adcc1224a45fba8dbb1d6dc3f20335c8b485c07ec20.jpg

    • whoa! Maxine is no dummy. i’ve rarely seen her forced to take back a claim or opinion due to false information. she was right about the drug thing way before it was fashionable to admit that many of our drug policing forces are corrupt as hell.

    • james1200

      This isn’t one of my fake ones, is it? I’ve done so many I can’t remember.

    • M Jackson

      Wow. From your Disqus to god’s ears.

  • JWC

    Bout as funny as defending Kim Davis

  • sadoldguy

    Are there any republicans who aren’t reprehensible?

    • Boreal

      No.

    • M Jackson

      My parents but they’re dead.

  • Henry Auvil
  • Lazycrockett

    He’s not even on Faux anymore right?

    • clay

      They canceled his variety show even before they were forced to due to equal air-time rules.

  • i’m lovin the NK tweet. lol, you know you’ve hit rock bottom when the Norks can pimp you.

  • Secure

    Keep eating TONS of pork products Mike.

    • he’s getting older and isn’t as fast at the table as he used to be, judging from the looks of his sons i think i can guess who is getting the lions share of pork products at the family dinner table.

  • Barry William Teske

    Sausages, witless punditry and empty links…
    Is there a connection?
    Will the nominee appreciate the casing by Huckabee?

    OK I will stop now…

  • Gigi

    The last one’s my fav!

    United States radio simpleton Michael Huckabee pathetic efforts at rustic humour make him daily subject of worldwide scorn and derision.

    • Chucktech

      I wonder if it was really from North Korea?

  • frogview

    This man is on the GOP “potential” list for governor of Florida.

    • djcoastermark

      Oh gear dawg, tell me you are kidding. We have way to many crackpots here already.

    • M Jackson

      He is the stuff that Florida governors are made of.

  • andrew

    Mike Huckabee has produced lots of comedy, just check out his hilarious daughter.

  • SpiderPIG

    bwahaha
    He wrote sausage three times, for some reason.
    #sausage3X

    • CatCope

      Freudian slip, no doubt!!
      Huckleberry, your face is funny enuf without opening your piehole.

  • Scribble Writer 🌹 ☭
  • Gerry Fisher

    “Governing” and “being a public servant” are irrelevant to these folks. It’s all about winning, as if it was as inconsequential as a sports-ball game.Except that after the game, half the fans lose their healthcare insurance and social services.

    • Homo Erectus

      Those that need it the most.

  • Robincho

    “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.”

    I suggest Huckabee opt for the former…

  • DuaneBidoux

    I’d just be happy if these idiots would learn the difference between a noun and an adjective.

    Democratic (adj): Democratic party.
    Democrat (noun): someone who is a Democrat.

    If simple grammar is beyond most conservatives then humor is way beyond them.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      It’s not a grammar problem. They do it on purpose. All the time.

      Because it annoyed a liberal once.

      • DuaneBidoux

        Maybe it annoyed a liberal who appreciated good grammar.

        • Lumpy Gaga

          In any case, they’ve taken up the cause with gusto – certainly since the heyday of W.

  • fuzzybits

    Hit the hook!

  • Friday

    Well, that tweet from the DPRK could be the first popular thing to come out of North Korea since… I’ll get back to you on that I guess.

  • Stogiebear
  • Friday

    I think Huckster is being groomed as the replacement for Pat Robertson that we can watch slide ever further into sick dementia.

    Frankly, he’s said some really sick things lately. The first burn there was just perfect, though. 🙂

  • Homo Erectus
    • jefe5084

      Well, it’s a whole family of porksters getting ready for a trip to the Hormel Packing Plant.

      • M Jackson

        Would somebody please for the love of god save that dog???

      • Homo Erectus

        You know it’s too bad they don’t have any gay friends,,,,,

  • LovesIrony

    POW, right in the kisser with the dog tweets
    .

    • Homo Erectus

      To the moon, Alice!

  • Robert Conner

    Little wonder that when this lardass Baptist preacher man searches for a metaphor the first thing that comes to mind is sausage. Meanwhile this:

    http://thegodabovegod.com/savior-just-nuts/

    • M Jackson

      Fascinating.
      I only heard about the Jerusalem Syndrome for the first time on Sunday, in a play I saw on Broadway called “If I Forget”. It’s like he playwrite Steven Levenson had read your article! The Jewish character explaining the concept to his family cites the same facts and statistics that you do. Quite a coincidence.
      It is an excellent play, I see Pulitzer possibilities.

  • Kevin Perez

    This reminds me of when Jennifer Rubin tried to tell a joke:
    http://sparklepony.blogspot.com/2015/01/jennifer-rubin-tries-joke.html

  • RickCabral

    Ah, the Republicanskee sense of humor – – – -about as non-existent as the Republicanskee sense of compassion.

  • HappyDance904

    In other news…I wrote an email to Zale’s showing my disappointment after reading this. I have been a Zale’s customer for over 30 years, but I will definitely NEVER shop there again. .

    One Million Moms
    5 hrs ·
    Victory! A few months ago 1MM contacted Zales urging the jewelry company to remain neutral in the culture war, and we have encouraging news to report. Zales has removed all of their “Love and Pride” Collection from Zales.com. The “Love and Pride” wedding band collection, designed for the LGBTQ community with rainbow and matching bands, is “promoting Equality, Diversity, and Unity” and celebrating “their Love with Pride” as stated on their website. It has all been taken down. This is HUGE! The website is now family-friendly, but more importantly neutral, which is all 1MM asks. 1MM appreciates Zales taking appropriate action to make this correction. If all married couples want to be treated equal, then special wedding bands are not necessary. Thank you Zales for being neutral in the culture war! Your voice was heard once again!

    • rusty57

      And by “remain neutral” they mean no depictions of any relationships other than heterosexual.
      Because otherwise 1MM (all 12 of them) are afraid.

      • HappyDance904

        I wrote the company and inquired about the truth behind this. They wrote me back:

        Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We are proud to have helped guests celebrate life and express love for nearly 100 years. Throughout that time, we have always been dedicated to promoting a spirit of inclusion. We recognize that our guests may have a broad range of beliefs, and we serve each in a manner that is consistent with our core values, always seeking to deliver the exceptional experience every guest deserves.

        Should you have any further questions, or require additional assistance, please contact us at 1-800-311-5393, or email us at [email protected] and a Customer Service Representative will be happy to assist you.

        Sincerely,

        Zales Customer Service

  • Tom Ato

    Mike, let us know when you decide to jump into the sausage grinder. Until then, we’re not interested in anything you say.

  • Ben in Oakland

    Personal views out of government, says mike

  • Ben in Oakland

    Personal views out of government, says Mikey Hucksterbee, who would like nothing better than to have his personal views of Jesus become THE government.

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  • grada3784

    Of course, Democrats would look small to Tubby Huckabee.

  • JCF

    You don’t need to tell jokes, Mike. Just (continue to) BE the joke…