FIRE SAFETY IS FOR CUCKS: Loony Louis Gohmert Is Pissed He Can’t Grill Ribs On His Office Balcony [VIDEO]

Loony Louis Gohmert actually took to the podium of the US House today to bitch that US Capitol fire safety rules don’t allow him to barbecue ribs on his office balcony for the quarterly party he throws for fellow reps. According to Gohmert, “all of the networks” want to do stories about his fantastic ribs, but thanks to typical government overreach and “misplaced priorities” his ribs have gone ungrilled for the last seven years. Surely Hair Furor will fix this!

  • Lazycrockett

    Well now we will know how the Congress burns down. Heil Drumpf.

    • clay

      If Fire Codes won’t let him do it on the office building balcony, there’s still the Reichstag, I mean, the Capitol.

      • Nowhereman

        Took the words right out of my mouth.

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      • grada3784

        It’s been written.

        “What? Urge your petition in the street? Come to the Capitol!!

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    • crowTrobot

      I hope Gohmert tries to fry a turkey.

      • Dazzer

        yep – a frozen turkey fingers crossed.

        • Oh’behr

          Yes … Gohmert please burn down the swamp, just the GOP part of it.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFbhOlV3Aoc

          • William

            Somebody needs a hug.

          • Nowhereman

            The look on his face at the end is priceless. I’m going to file this under “what did you THINK would happen, dumbass?”

          • Macado

            Liberals cooking!

        • Cattleya1

          Maybe after that someone would hammer his sorry carcass into the ground upside down, with a croquet mallet?

          • Nowhereman

            That could take awhile. Sign me up for a 30 minute shift!

          • Cattleya1

            I am going to need help with all the creative little things I could do with rethuglicans, given half a chance.

      • lymis

        Doing that is notoriously unsafe. The turkey can shift suddenly, causing a huge fire and major property damage. To be safe, Gohmert should climb in with it to keep it stable.

      • lattebud

        Is there a pot big enough for Virgina Foxx?

      • Dagoril
        • grada3784

          He’s been having a cow for so long now, it would be like cooking one of his children.

    • BobSF_94117

      Ribsstag?

    • William
  • Paula

    Keep fiddling, Representative Nero.

    • coram nobis

      It’s not true that Nero fiddled! He played the lyre and sang of the fall of Troy.

      • kanehau

        Keep lyreing just doesn’t have the same ring.

        • Dazzer

          If you shorten it to keep ly-ing, it works perfectly fine.

        • coram nobis

          You think it … wisible? When I say the name of my fwiend … Louie … Gohmert. Silence!! What is all this sniggering from the wabble! Wait’ll Biggus Dickus hears of this!

          • kanehau

            It said “One other person is typing” for the longest time. Now I know why… I bet you had to re-enter words 20 times to get beyond your spell checker 😉

          • coram nobis

            Biggus Disqus is running slow today, at least on this website. I type a few characters .. and wait .. and wait. Then it drops in.

          • Oh’behr

            Thank you. I thought it was only my computer.

          • coram nobis

            It’s JMG. I’m answering this through my notifications page off another Disqus website.

          • Marides48

            Siwence!!!!

          • Snarkaholic

            This is Baba Wawa, wepowrting to you, wive, fwom downtown Jewusewem.

      • Paula

        Yeah, nobody says that, though.

        • coram nobis

          Nobody probably knows who Nero was, anymore. At least MGM taught us some Roman history, anyway, but that was back in Cecil B. De Mille’s day.

          • Paula

            I know who he is. He lived next to us in Honolulu, back in the 70s.

          • grada3784

            I thought he died around 1960.

      • Ernest Endevor

        And the fire was set by the Christians.

        • Dazzer

          lthough I’m not one for violence generally, sometimes when I see the gross, hypocritical ‘Chrisians’, I can’t help but yearn for the good old days of Nero and his Roman Candles.

        • lymis

          I thought a cow kicked over a lantern.

          Oh, sorry, different fire.

          • Friday

            The more Christians lie right *now* the less I’m inclined to believe them about historical records they penned, either.

  • kanehau

    “I have enough of my late mother in me…”

    Now we know where the ribs came from.

    • William

      The secret’s in the sauce.

      • Bryan

        But he’ll never tell…

      • McSwagg

        Gohmert’s from the Piney Woods of East Texas. His sauce tastes like turpentine and pine pitch.

  • Bryan

    Oh for cuck’s sake.

  • coram nobis

    That’s rich, a government official with a government paycheck complaining about government regulation.

    Say, which networks were clamoring for this? Berlusconi still owns Mediaset in Italy; Louie also probably has Fox, RT and Breitbart, but who else? CSPAN?

  • Taylor

    Why doesn’t he have a party where he can barbecue his ribs? Like at his house for instance? What an entitled fuck, this dipshit is.

    • Snarkaholic

      There HAS to be a parking lot nearby, where space can be set aside for the grilling station.

    • Franciscan

      But, you know, if he were to host the party at home, he’d have to pay the help.

  • Pollos Hermanos
  • TrollopeReader

    i suppose cooking them on the sidewalk and having an outside party (or, gosh forbid) getting the ribs inside is just too much of a bother?

  • Mike C

    Oh is this what the Stein/Johnson supporters meant by “Burn it all down”?

    • Friday

      I wonder if they had such ignominy as a barbecue accident in mind. 🙂

  • Mark_in_MN

    What an idiot. If he really wants to cook ribs for a party for other house members, just find another venue he can use.

    • Dazzer

      I wonder if we could paint sticks of dynamite to look like lumps of charcoal?

      • Ernest Endevor

        You bet Bugs Bunny would. Then he’d give them to Daffy.

        • Nowhereman

          And Daffy’s beak will get blown off, and then reattached to the back of his head. I saw that one. (Snark–Daffy’s beak was always getting blown off and reattached.)

      • Friday

        How ridiculous. Obviously this requires gelignite or Semtex and a Forstner drill-bit. 🙂

        (Actual mid-20th-century technique, usually used on coal-fired boilers.)

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        Or obtain actual dynamite from the Acme company…?

    • IamM

      Gotta love how bent out of shape he is over ‘misplaced priorities’ that prevent him from having lighter fluid or open flames in his workplace, which just happens to be full of congress people and government officials.

    • lymis

      I’m sure the president-elect will rent him some space at his hotel.

    • RoFaWh

      He’s astonishingly stupid if he thinks that his office balcony is a suitable venue for almost any kind of gathering.

      Yes, he is astonishingly stupid.

      • DonnaLee

        You’ve read other crap he’s said before? This is mild by comparison.

    • Nowhereman

      My thought exactly. We don’t have to pay for stupid dangerous stuff like this. What’s next? A fire pit on the Senate floor?

    • Gerry Fisher

      THAT’S NOT FREEEEDOM!!!

  • T-Batwoman

    OT: I signed up for a concealed carry class next Friday, sad fact of the times.

    • William

      You can order one by mail from Arizona for around $60. If your state has a reciprocity agreement, it’s just as valid.

  • dcurlee

    Really he’s wasting time and tax dollars on this bullshit

    • clay

      His mind is only big enough for small priorities.

  • Cuberly

    OT: Mooselini is pissed!….Bwahahahahahahaha…

    https://twitter.com/politico/status/804801627051986944

    • Lazycrockett

      Well at least the Veterans are safe.

    • Moebym of the Rebel Alliance

      Sarah Palin made sense? We ARE in an alternate universe.

      • Phaius

        Broken clock is right twice a day!

        • Friday

          (More like cowed Republitarians don’t dare speak up so paid her to read that.)

      • Paula

        I wondered why the toilet was flushing in the opposite direction.

      • Cattleya1

        Next, you’ll tell me that Marcus has started having sex with Michel…

    • clay

      she prefers a more . . . lazy . . . executive position.

    • BobSF_94117

      Guess someone doesn’t wanna be Secty of Veterans’ Affairs.

      • Friday

        Probably means she already isn’t and is looking for a new gig.

      • Talisman

        She would have quit after 2 years, anyway.

        • BobSF_94117

          Long enough to snag another pension, I assume.

      • Lumpy Gaga

        You can’t put one over on Sarah: she burns her bridges before first crossing.

    • Bill Post

      At least it will be fun to watch the CON- servatives eat their own for awhile… got tired of the victim shit show they presented while Obama’s been in office.

    • rusty57

      I’m amazed she knows the words “crony capitalism”.

      • RoFaWh

        She doesn’t know those words. She has, believe it or not, a speech writer.

  • Marides48

    I’ll gladly provide the 5 gallon can of gasoline he”l need to get the fire started. Here’s hoping that at least 50 Republicants are there for the BBQ.

    • William

      Mmmm. mmm! Nothing beats gasoline fire flavor.

  • Rod Steely

    Fucking idiots! I love this forum because I can spew away!

  • clay

    It’s because of big government regulation that he can’t always get what he wants. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6a22fbb267960ccb839e454424bcbfee27052e4a2bd3018b06f18e43a12884ad.jpg

  • hdtex

    If the good man from Texas would like to soak himself in gasoline I would be honored to light the match.

  • JT

    Gohmert is so fucking stupid and ugly that we need a beauty break. Imagine Poldark and Enys in a clinch.
    https://66.media.tumblr.com/e26ba6451a643a9ab210bad9c9acee8b/tumblr_o82e0n4t4L1srpvwao2_500.gif

  • William

    I’ll send Louie some scissors, if he promises to run with them.

    • Dazzer

      Make sure their not the ones with rounded ends.

    • TrollopeReader

      i’ll provide the olive oil, marbles, and banana peel.

      • William

        We still need someone to run the floor buffer, to give those marble floors a nice slippery coat of wax.

        • TrollopeReader

          there *has* to be a buffer on this page …..dammit, I was thinking fluffer ….

          • William

            You won’t find many volunteers for fluffer, if it has anything to do with Gohmert.

          • TrollopeReader

            that’s why i volunteered the stuff i did !!

        • Steverino

          Just don’t let Gomer wax the floor… he thinks the way you do that is to light a candle and let the molten wax drip all over the floor…

        • Skokieguy [Larry]

          Perhaps Shimmer? Its also a desert topping.

      • Oh’behr

        Don’t forget the ball bearings.

        • TrollopeReader

          can you send them to me … i’ll add to the chex mix …

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        My bracelet broke and their are beads on the floor everywhere. Oooopsies!

  • peacfulseas inWA

    OT: Rebublicon’s and christian fundamentalist wet dream to be a new Hulu mini series, Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale. Scheduled for April 2017.

    • Mikey

      sarcasm, yes?
      sorry I can’t tell.. because there’s not much in The Handmaid’s Tale that doesn’t seriously skewer republicunts and christ-stain fun-d’uh-mental-ists.

      • agcons

        I’d say it was truly their wet dream because they did not, do not, and never will understand the book. They get as far as perceiving the Republic of Gilead then shudder and roll their eyes in ecstasy. Anything else is just noise on the page.

        • Mikey

          if that was the OP’s intent when they posted then definitely, I agree with your analysis 100%.

  • Phaius

    Cuck is my favorite Alt-Nazi word because they think it’s this horrible insult when everyone is like “Uh… yeah… OK breh”

  • Hue-Man

    When he’s Chief Justice of SCOTUS, he’ll overturn laws that get in his way of grilling ribs!

  • geoffalnutt

    The only major problem I see with “Louie Flambe” is the release of toxic fumes. We’d have to shut down the interstate. The “War On Christmas” will be all fucked up….supply routes interrupted, delays.

  • Ninja0980

    Keep in mind this idiot is in power because people keep voting him in again and again.
    You can’t fix stupid voters, you truly can’t.

  • Friday

    What a raving fuckwit: “I should be able to risk historic buildings entrusted in small part to me by the American people so I can have a promotional stunt!”

  • Randy Ellicott

    Of all the regulations out there the fire code is one of the most robustly defensible. Almost every single restriction in the fire code is traceable back to at least one but usually multiple fatalities. But we know that the GOP cares little for life or liberty.

    • Friday

      I propose replacing all the nuclear warheads with Nerf and not telling them a while. 🙂

      • Oh’behr

        That would be funny if Donnie pressed the button also it it just went, “boom” flag.

    • clay

      We had fire regulations in this country before we had a country.

  • Oh’behr

    I think his pay and benefits (along with future pension) should just be in cheap fatty ribs, inexpensive BBQ equipment and a pittance of fuel.

  • Jeffrey

    So these assholes know so little about the job of the president that they think he’s going to get involved in fire code. He actually might, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

  • TheManicMechanic

    May I suggest also deep-frying a couple turkeys at the same time?

    • Snarkaholic

      While the turkeys are in the hot oil, be sure to baste them regularly with chicken broth!

    • grada3784

      Frozen solid to start with, I trust.

  • Lumpy Gaga

    My ribs bring all the boys to the yard,
    and they’re like: “AAAAAH! RUN!!!!”

    • Princess Lardass

      I can teach you, but my face is charred!

  • Kruhn

    Let’s see, a building full of flammable paper, wood, and other knick knacks and you complain why the Architect of the Capitol (partially named by your Speaker Ryan) thinks it’s a terrible idea to have an open flame nearby? You do remember what happened back in 1814 to the Capitol Mr. Golmert?

    • Earl

      Whoops, did we do that?

      /s

    • McSwagg

      1814 – White House. The Capitol Building wasn’t built yet.
      https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61vqAs4j1UL._SX327_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

      • Kruhn

        Actually the Capitol was also burnt too. It was built with a wooden rotunda.

        • McSwagg

          I didn’t know that. I thought it was being built during the time of the Civil War.

          “The more you know!”

          • Kruhn

            The current dome was built during the Civil War. It’s also made out of cast iron, similar process used in making Hot Wheels.

  • RoFaWh

    Inquiring minds want to know: ¿does Gohmert deep fry his Thanksgiving turkeys in his carport?

  • FAEN

    And this crazy POS used to be a Judge. 🙄

    • The_Wretched

      He’s probably doing less damage now then.

  • greenmanTN

    Gohmert is one of those politicians who make you want to ask the people who voted flr him, “What the HELL were you thinking?!”

    And for god’s sake don’t cast aspersions on his asparagus!

    • Gianni

      The operational word in your question is “thinking”. Voting for Dumbo Louie requires none of that.

  • Gianni

    If possible, I’d like to see a one-time exemption to the Capitol’s Fire Safety rules. Please allow us to stick a rotisserie spit up Louie’s ass and grill him on the balcony.

  • Slippy_World
    • Earl

      I always loved sam…

      Or, I’ve always had a thing for red heads.

  • RoFaWh

    I just looked at photos of the Capitol and the Cannon, Rayburn, and Longworth House Office Buildings and there are no balconies visible, at least none that I can make out.

  • Earl

    I am fully in favour of letting him bar-b-que ribs on his balcony. Heck, I’m also in favour of letting him bbq indoors in his office.

    Go for it Louie, it’s not like you’ll kill yourself or burn down the office block.

    /s

    • EweTaw

      I enthusiastically support him burnin’ ribs on his office desk. Turn his whole office into a damn smoker!

      • Snarkaholic

        An electric grill, precariously perched on the edge of his tub during bath time, will make the most memorable ribs of all!

        • grada3784

          Sounds James Bondish.

    • The Return of Traxley

      Great idea.

      Louie could serve up those famous ribs in a jiffy with a charcoal grill in his office. He’d need to be sure the fire stayed hot enough by closing all windows and doors, and laying towels on the window sills and under the doors to seal out drafts. Also he should wait long enough for the coals to turn cherry red — at least an hour or more.

      • Snarkaholic

        And I’ve read (on Facebook…so it’s true(!) that bleach, mixed in equal parts with ammonia, is a great sanitizing solution for cleaning up afterward.

        • grada3784

          As Robin said to Batman: Kapow!!!!

        • KarenAtFOH

          ..

        • Canadian Observer

          It works… I have cleaned up a few mice this way (little buggers come in to escape the cold and they don’t even offer to pay their share of the rent)

          • Snarkaholic

            The nerve! They could at least offer to run the vacuum once in a while!

  • rednekokie

    You would think, that after having been denied this privilege for the past seven years, it would sort of sink in to his numb skull that it wasn’t allowed.
    However, if that’s the only type of sermon he delivers on the house floor, perhaps we are all still safe from him.

  • The_Wretched

    Gohmert, proving once again that he’s the dumbest man in congress.

  • NancyP

    Uh, Louis – carry-out? Order it, right after you book a visit to your doctor to check for cognitive impairment. Can you still draw a clock?

  • fuzzybits

    Please do grill Gomer. Use some gasoline to start the grill.

    • William

      He should grill with charcoal in his living room. Worrying about carbon monoxide is for pussies.

  • Manny

    He’s not THAT far fromTennesse, is he?

    • The Return of Traxley

      I see what you did there.

  • LesbianTippingHabits

    Rep. Louis Gohmert (R-TX) is also a parsimonious (cheap) tipper.

  • DesertSun59

    Watch the rules get changed for HIM.

  • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

    Not wanting some jackass to burn down the building is ‘government overreach’? Okay, sure.

  • Robert Conner

    Stupid piece of shit doesn’t come within a lightyear of describing this stupid piece of shit.

  • Max_1

    Bitter and cold and white… That snowflake has a melt down over fire safety…

  • Nasty Girl Brianna

    What he fails to mention is the fact that Capitol rules also unfairly prevent him from having a tailgate party in the underground parking lot.

  • KQCA

    Trailer trash racists and bigots are coming out of the closet….and there are far more of them than we would have guessed. They’re everywhere.

  • andrew

    Loony Louis is one sorry SOB.

  • Debraarodriguez

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !mj252d:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !mj252d:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash252ShopUSAGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!mj252d:….,….

  • Macado

    Congressman proves the stupidity of some regulations. The balcony he refers to is marble, liberals actually think marble can catch fire. But liberals know if they create fifty regulations about grilling on marble and have ten bureaucrats watching the regulations that marble will never catch fire.

    • Dirk Prophet

      Smoke stains and damages marble…our marble.

      • Macado

        No worse than the stench of liberal gaseous damage

    • KarenAtFOH

      Not satisfied with burning down the Presidency, eh? Now you want to burn the Capital down again too?

    • Maggie 4NoH8

      No, we are actually concerned that this doofus would hurt himself. Bless his heart, he doesn’t have a lick of sense…

    • McSwagg

      Science denying cucks (i. e. conservatards) don’t know that marble (chemically known as calcium carbonate) decomposes under high heat into calcium oxide and carbon dioxide. You don’t want to expose it to the intense heat of a fire. Liberals, trusting in science, know this and so rightly back appropriate fire regulations.

  • mark99k

    Republicans are sooo persecuted. And concerned with such important issues.

  • Debbi

    Whatta snowflake!

  • Jay Silversmith

    THIS is what taxpayers are paying this asshole an incredible amount of money to do with OUR government time on the congressional floor? It’s not like there are any pressing issues that citizens are concerned about, huh?

  • Wayne

    So perfect that he uses the phrase “misplaced priorities”…

    • Maggie 4NoH8

      Irony is sadly lost on the deplorables

      • Wayne

        They probably think irony is what you do to get the wrinkles out of your shirts!

  • Dick518

    What a fucking dip-shit!

  • karmanot
  • Dave

    Let him barbecue the damn things. Maybe he’ll burn the whole mess down. Good riddance

  • Canadian Observer

    Wow, reincarnation must be real – Gohmert must have been Marinus van de Lubbe in a previous life!