Hate Group Leader Praises Jeff Sessions: As Attorney General He’ll Return God-Given Rights To All Christians

Via press release from hate group leader Tony Perkins:

After the eight-year scandal-factory of the Justice Department, the president-elect is making it clear that it’s a new day at DOJ with the nomination of Senator Jeff Sessions (R-Ala.) as attorney general. For the senator, the first to endorse Trump, the DOJ is hardly new territory. “My previous 15 years working in the Department of Justice were extraordinarily fulfilling. I love the Department, its people and its mission. I can think of no greater honor than to lead them,” he said.

FRC has worked with Senator Sessions on a number of issues and could not be happier to watch him usher in a new era at DOJ — one that cherishes the Constitution and its protection of our freedom from government oppression. If there’s one thing we know about Senator Sessions, it’s that he understands the importance of all of our God-given rights, respects the law, and will be a vital part of restoring our nation to greatness.

  • AW

    Remember how Josh Dugger molested his sisters and his parents sent him to be a carpenter as punishment?

    • TampaDink

      That carpentry internship wasn’t punishment…..it was therapy. ;-p

      • Bad Tom

        Either way.

        • TampaDink

          It turned out to be an epic fail. Every time he went to drive a nail, he could only think about nailing one of his kid sisters.

  • Treant

    Actually, I think he’s too dumb to form a coherent argument in court, so that’s a plus. And he won’t be able to keep the best people around, most of whom will be painfully aware that they can do his job better than Sessions can.

    • Piet

      The problem is that he won’t be able to keep the best people around. We really don’t need a DOJ staffed by lawyers who think Mat Staver’s a genius and John Roberts is ethical. That department’s going to be able to do a whole lot of damage after January 20.

  • Pollos Hermanos
    • Oscarlating Wildely

      Not *those* religions, silly!

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    • Cuberly

      Unfortunately that act is being perverted into RFRA laws. If I’m not mistaken Dobson said as much.

    • Cattleya1

      I am unable to decide which is worse – this evil fuckwit on the outside flinging shit in or on the inside flinging shit out. I do fervently hope that his god calls him home for a consultation soon. Very soon.

  • Ernest Endevor

    Still won’t stop one or more of your kids from being gay, Tony.

    • Ninja0980

      I shudder to think of what that kid will have to go through.
      My one friend was “lucky” in that his parents just kicked him out of the house.
      Others have done far worse.

      • Ernest Endevor

        I know. Onwards and upwards.

  • Mark

    So…uh…PerKKKY….what about those gawd given rights for black clergy & xtians? Or do they not meet your holy definition of xtian?

  • Oscarlating Wildely
    • Ernest Endevor

      No.

    • Uncle Mark

      Clearly these people don’t even read their own sacred tome; they prefer to let others cherry-pick and interpret excerpts to save them the trouble of reading comprehension, thought or reflection.

      • NancyP

        Well, yes. That is what authoritarian followers do – have some authority think for them.

        That’s also why discussions with them are so dismal. Time was, you could find a conservative or two who could make a reasoned argument supporting or refuting a policy. Not any more. These are the most boring people on the planet.

        …writing from the “my cousin heard from his best friend who heard it on Fox that ho-mos put gerbils up their ass” state, formerly known as the Show-Me state (MO)

    • greenmanTN

      I’m assuming that is a rhetorical question.

    • Richard, another Canuck

      That would be nice. No objection here.

      • BudClark

        Keep the Episcopalians for their liberal theology … and their glorious liturgy and music.

        Toss most of the rest onto the ash-heap, except the usual suspects: UU, UCC, MCC, etc.

  • HZ81

    “After the eight-year scandal-factory of the Justice Department…”

    Yes, remember the… um? Hmm. Um?

    • joshie

      Don’t you remember the Staplergate in 2014? Hoo boy, that was an embarrassment.

      • Jay Silversmith

        What about the dildo uprising ?

        • joshie

          Ah yes. Remember remember the 3rd of September, The Dildo Uprising and Orgy.

  • Outlaw Woman

    Trump winning the election doesn’t stick in my craw anywhere near as much as Tony Perkins and all the other far-right goons being able to claim victory along with him.

    • Bj Lincoln

      Tony has had his shit eating grin on several times. I don’t know what he thinks Drumpf or any of his ‘best people’ can really do but he sure thinks it will be for his hatred of us. I will enjoy watching him go down when his time comes.

    • joshie

      Tony’s an asshole but he’s not stupid. There’s no way he believes Trump is a devout Christian. He also doesn’t care, because Trump is going to put a bunch of goons after Perkins’ own homophobic, Islamophobic, racist little heart in control of the country.

  • Max_1

    Remember:
    To that white fuck face, child sexual molestation is O.K. when it’s a Duggar.

  • Guest

    God what a lying piece of shit. What “scandal factory” is he talking about???

  • Sam_Handwich

    maybe they’ll put pasties on the statue’s tits again!

    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v411/gsh999/statue-ashcroft01_zpsfknfrxp8.jpg

    • Treant

      Oh, I thought that was Melania, but I see she’s not grabbing her pussy.

      • agcons

        Also, there’s too much drapery.

    • Snarkaholic

      And install a huge tarp over the Capitol dome, because it looks like a giant boob!

      • Bad Tom

        That would cover the 535 boobs inside!

      • BudClark

        And also the dome of the National Shrine, aka “The Tattooed Titty.”

    • 2patricius2

      I don’t think so. Trump wants to be able to feel her up whenever he’s in the mood.

  • Max_1

    In a self professed “SECULAR” Nation…
    When seeking to limit and strip Rights from one religious class so as to elevate another… I’ll cry 1st Amendment violations. Nowhere does the Constitution say that America was created for “Christians”.

    • Falconlights

      It wasn’t. In fact in the Treaty of Tripoli, it says clearly that “The United States not in any sense a Christian nation”. I don’t think that it could be said any more clearly than that.

      I am so tired of hearing the RWNJs saying that America is a Christian nation. It has never been a Christian nation, it is not a Christian nation, and hopefully it will never be a Christian country.

      Another thing that really pisses off is when they say that the Founding Fathers were all Christians. No, most of them were Deists. If they belonged to a church, it was likely for social reasons, since not being a member of any church would been socially unacceptable. Another stupid RWNJ claimed that our laws are based on the 10 Commandments. No our laws are based on English common law, which was based on Norman law, which was based on Roman law.. They also say the US is based on Judaeo-Christian ideas. It was based on Enlightenment ideals along with influence from the Iroquois Confederacy. Benjamin Franklin was impressed by them and elements of their constitution were incorporated into our Constitution. These RWNJ must have been reading too many books by David Barton. I know Texas uses his textbooks, as do other states, which explains at least some of the dumbing down of Americans that we’ve seen increasing over the past four or five decades.

  • dcurlee

    Humm they want smaller govt but seems as long as it’s when it benefits them

    • Max_1

      Because a “smaller government” is all about hiring up a 100,000 workforce to implement a National registration data base and enforcement goon squad.

      Oh, and also, limited applies to the enormous expense building a wall to the south will cost. I guess that’s why it will be necessary to strip the ACA, Medicare and Social Security so as to “redirect” those costs and lower that expenditure.

      Of course, think of all the paperwork and legislation that is necessary to go into stripping those agencies will cost… Ya know, smaller (like Don’s dick).

  • Gustav2

    Your particular deity is not mentioned in the Constitution.

    • NO diety is mentioned in the Constitution.

  • Sam_Handwich
    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      lol, that will bring him some love

    • pj

      let them eat cake

      • Sam_Handwich

        funny you should mention that, cuz this just happened:

        https://twitter.com/glennbeck/status/799743279340384256

        • Bj Lincoln

          That looks and sounds great except I would rather starve before I take ANYTHING from this ass.

        • Tor

          After turducken, carropunkintaters, and cranjellopudding.

        • pj

          ill pass sam.

        • agcons

          That might be good, but I have issues with this particular execution. There’s too much of everything, and what the fuck is that yellow rubbish?

          • rusty57

            Pie crust.

      • BudClark

        Naw. Miss Minnie’s PIE.

    • Bj Lincoln

      He is going to keep the SS on it’s toes! He doesn’t want to live in the White House and wants to hop in the car and go.

    • joshie

      That will teach NY and NJ not to vote for Trump!

    • BudClark

      OT: Christian teenagers somewhere in the Middle East have been sentenced to seventy lashes for receiving wine at Holy Communion.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    ” God given rights in America ”

    There are no less than 33 things wrong with that statement

  • Jerry Kott

    Their rights end where my rights begin. Get ready and don’t back down. They believe that compromise is when someone takes 100 dollars from you and they only have to give 50 back. I want it all back.

  • TampaDink

    Remind me again which civil rights have been stripped from xtians?

    • Bob M

      The right to appropriate Christmas coffee cups and being able to say Merry Christmas

      • Snarkaholic

        Fuck him. At my job, I work out front with the public, so, this December, EVERY person who is wearing a cross is going to get a ‘Happy Holidays’ from me.

        • Bj Lincoln

          That and ‘Seasons Greetings’ are all I give. They refuse to recognize my holiday, why should I recognize theirs.

        • Sean Williams

          Great, now you’ve made the baby jesus cry again. We just managed to get him to bed. I guess we’ll just have to use the whiskey again.

          • Bad Tom

            No, no, no. Not whiskey.
            Use Paragoric.
            Far more effective.
            “Soothes the crying baby.”
            ——-
            Contains Laudanum!
            Seriously, it does. You can still get Paragoric. Only not OTC anymore. By script only. Sad.

        • TimCA

          Merry Saturnalia to you and yours!!

      • joshie

        I just got fired from my job as a “Christmas Cop”. My job was to go around and fine anyone who said “Merry Christmas”.

      • Uncle Mark

        Why don’t we just say “Merry Christo-capitalism?” These folks have heretically linked their savior to capitalism and guns. Let’s just call it what it really is to these people.

      • TampaDink

        I don’t get it. Why can’t the settle for drinking their coffee out of pagan cups & saying Merry Festivus? 😉

      • Gerry Fisher

        I just got one of those “It’s not Happy Holidays. It’s Merry Christmas. Share if you agree!” posts on Facebook. Here was my response:

        “Regardless of the Christmas or other holiday message that you send this season, please give some thought to your neighbors who are vulnerable to extremists due to the recent election. People are being beaten, harassed, threatened, groped, and subjected to property damage due to their membership in a group, due to who they are. I think it would be truly in the Christmas spirit if we can stand with our neighbors and speak up for fairness and peace this season.”

    • AW

      The right to openly discriminate against the gays and blacks and women.

      • TampaDink

        Oh that! As if they weren’t going to continue to do that anyhow…

    • Gustav2

      The right to get everything they please.

      • TampaDink

        And the right to deny some of us from anything that they want.

    • Chuck in NYC

      The right to dye a man’s hair without being accused of pride and vanity by us awful people here at Joe.My.God.

      • Canadian Observer

        We are a snarky lot, aren’t we. Strangely enough, flagellation as punishment simply seems to encourage some of the worst offenders!

      • Perkins doesn’t dye his wigs. He buys them ready-coloured.

      • TampaDink

        We would never judge them for their physical appearance as harshly as they judge us for existing.

    • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

      They lost the right to forcibly convert other to Christianity.

      • TampaDink

        Oh….that. Well, under the regime of the most religious president ever, they have nothing to worry about now, do they? ;-O

  • ColdCountry

    Jesus wept.

    • Bj Lincoln

      He sure would now.

    • kat

      Can Jesus maybe stop with his crying and do something useful for once?

      • ColdCountry

        I’m sure he would if he could. If he existed, and was alive. And all powerful and stuff.

      • JCF

        Curse you, free will!

  • justmeeeee

    Does this mean Obama was able to take away the rights given by god? Does this mean Obama was more powerful than god? Why yes, I think it does!

  • we’re still here

    Perkins is just glad that Trump is unifying the KKK.

  • joshie

    LOL. It’s been a “scandal factory” for 8 years but Sessions loves the people and is honored to lead it.

    Sessions respects all our “God-given” rights, except for the right to vote.

  • Kelly Lape

    Our “rights” were taken by force of arms in the 18th century. As a nation, we decided that rights were not to be limited by any religious affiliation.

    To make a statement that defines “god given rights” as the exclusive province of “Christians” is as un-American as one can get.

    Welcome the the Theological States of America. We are not United, and we will resist.

    • Your first sentence is not strictly true. Americans enjoyed all the rights enumerated in the Bill of Rights, 1689 edition. They rose in armed rebellion because they claimed they were being denied them. And having won the war, they promptly jettisoned the right to have a Protestant government — something that a great many American Protestants ardently desire to re-establish.

      • rusty57

        History, it (usually) happened.

  • DesertSun59

    And there you go. Rights are only for Christians.

    • Craig Howell

      And White Jesus Christians, at that!

      • Snarkaholic

        And only the male ones!

  • Bj Lincoln

    At some point in history this man will fall and I will take great joy in it. I thought it was going to be sooner than later but it will happen. I can’t hate him as much as he hates us. It would kill me. It will kill him.

  • Bill Post

    My butt is clenching at the thought of all this and not in a good way.

    • Gianni

      Spasm of the sphincter is common at times of continuing stress and anger.

  • TexasBoy

    I didn’t know anyone’s God Given Rights had gone missing?!

    • Gianni

      The nail just got hit on the head! The rotten fuckers!

  • BearEyes

    there is still no right to discriminate in the Constitution.

    • There is no mention of God, either — not as the Giver of Rights, nor in any other capacity.

  • BlindBill

    what did rights do the christionists believe they no longer have? the right to force their religion on all americans? …no, they never had that.

    • Gianni

      It was my first reaction. And who the fuck to any rights away from the Christianistas? Let’s fact it: It’s code for the right to discriminate against those awful gay people, especially the married couples. Wow, I hate bastards like Tony.

    • Snarkaholic

      And the right to assault gays in silence (they reeeeeeally hate it when we protest while being beaten(!)

  • Cuberly
  • Will Parkinson

    Poor, put-upon Christians. Jail and lions and stuff must be horrible.

  • NancyP

    Please, rent boys out there. Do the world a favor and out Tony Perkins.

    • BudClark

      AND Miss Lindsaybelle!

      • Snarkaholic

        And Brianna Brown and Mattilda Barber and Lin-duh Harpy and Marcella Bachmann and…

    • Gianni

      If only someone could reveal some sleazy shit about Tony’s personal life.

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    But … but all those homocons and straight people told me I shouldn’t be worried because trump “is pro-gay tights.” Fuck them all up the ass with a rusty Lucille.

  • Jack

    And the rest of us?

  • coram nobis

    The Senate can vote Jefferson Beauregard Sessions as most likely to secede. Certainly his record as a US Attorney under Reagan is horrifying enough.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/why-trump-s-choice-of-jeff-sessions-as-ag-is-alarming-voting-rights-advocates

    Wait till he gets to pick US attorneys. Real danger is that DOJ can intervene in Federal cases as third parties, just as Bush’s DOJ horned in on some of the rendition-and-torture cases, e.g., Padilla v. Yoo or Mohamed v. Jeppeson Dataplan.

  • olandp

    Well Tonette, Christianity survived Savonarola, I’m sure it will survive you.

    • rusty57

      More’s the pity.

  • John T

    And he’ll round up all the Muslims, because Religious Freedom!!

  • God Given Rights? Where the fuck does this shit licker think he lives? Shit licker PerKKKins hasn’t lost one right, and none of them were “god given”. Its beginning to get to the point where I just want to unhook from all news and just go into a world inhabited by books, knitting, puzzle games, movies and figuring out gluten free equivalents to foods I miss, like Hawaiian Rolls.

    • Leo Tallant

      Move to CA. We still have Hawaiian Rolls here LOL. I retreat into Star Trek Online where I run an LGBT fleet and also into the LGBT friendly The Sims 4.

  • BudClark

    Tony: if your “gawd” existed (it doesn’t), it would occupy its time licking shitty used dildos after they’d been up Ricky Santorum’s ass.

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  • Richard B

    Considering Tony Perkins buys his mailing lists from the KKK and is known to speak before white supremacist groups, yeh sure, I am certain he is having his manna from heaven moment this week.

  • Gerry Fisher

    White Supremacist Solidarity! [gagging noises]

  • Leo Tallant

    ….because the Bible SO talks about Americans and what kinds of rights they will have…..