Jim Bakker Guest: Liberal Groups Are Using Witchcraft To Cloud The Minds Of Conservatives [VIDEO]

Brian Tashman has the quote at Right Wing Watch:

“The web literally is coming down on America. And what’s sad is, how many Christians feel this fog on their head at times? Do you feel that? It’s almost like everything’s going wrong. We don’t realize it’s a remnant operating strategically through organizations that are intent on shifting the American culture and discipling the country. And that fog that’s on Christians is the collective witchcraft that comes over the Body of Christ because there’s spirits being authorized to be released.

“Wherever there’s agreement, there’s power. The more unbelievers agree with the narrative that they’re hearing, the more power and authorization Satan has to manifest. So unless the church has an exposure of what the enemy’s doing and begins to agree together with a counter-strategy, we’re going to deal with more and more fog. And the worst part is—we don’t have to surrender nations to the devil.”

As you’ll see below, Media Matters is among those using witchcraft.

  • JaniceInToronto

    Well, if it’s true, then HAIL SATAN!

    Keep up the good work, my diabolical buddy!

  • geoffalnutt

    Shit, you don’t need witchcraft. Just look at ’em funny.

    • Friday

      Witch hunters are a cowardly and superstitious lot, usually if they’re stalking you you can just tone at em or use Tuvan throat-singing to creep their shit *out.* 🙂

  • Chucktech

    Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble… Our woo’s stronger than jeezis…

  • mikeinrkfd

    It seems to be working. Now we if we all would put our witchcrafts together we can blow this jerk back to the stone age.

  • MBear

    double double toil & trouble
    fire burn & cauldron bubble

  • Pollos Hermanos
  • GeneInSJ

    My efforts do seem to be fruitful.

  • Do Something Nice

    527 organizations? I’m so afraid.

  • PickyPecker
    • Pollos Hermanos
    • EweTaw

      Love her in Dark Passage. Too bad it wasn’t in color. Her character drove an orange convertible and she dressed only in orange clothes. But orange doesn’t lend itself well to film noir.

      • madknits

        But it films magnificently in black and white.
        They used to use chocolate syrup in the old b&w westerns, because it looked like blood.

        • EweTaw

          There are great shots of North Beach and Telegraph Hill “modern” architecture in that film, too. When “Madge” falls out of the window I always cheer. Agnes done good playing an evil cock-blocking bitch. Love it.

        • David Walker

          There were books compiled by some cinematographers on what to use to achieve a certain shade of gray or black or white. Back before colorizing became a horrid thing, the argument was that there would be enough information on the b/w film to indicate the colors in use, so you could bring about the accurate colors. I forget who it was, but an older cinematographer worthy of great respect said (in effect), “Uh…you may not want to do that.”

          • cleos_mom

            But I would love to see Jezebel in a colorized version. At least that scene when Bette Davis attends a ball where all the girls wear virginal white — and she makes an entrance in a red dress.

          • David Walker

            I know what you mean. But the neat thing about b/w is that crimson red can be any flavor you want it to be, as bitchy and up-yours and “take that, you prudes” as you want it to be. What’s also cool about it is that if we were asked to color a still or the dress, we’d both use a red color, but the red would be a different hue or shade for both of us. The idea is planted a scene or two ahead of time, and your imagination takes it from there. I love old radio for the same reason…they suggest what’s going on and you get to fill in the blanks. It’s not that I don’t care for TV, but being asked to use your imagination from time to time is fun, too.

          • cleos_mom

            Theoretically that’s true.

            Non-theoretically — meh. Try eating Spam for Thanksgiving and use your imagination to fill in the blanks.

          • David Walker

            Tofurkey runs a close second to Spam, and I had to do that for several years. The friendships, however, were good.

  • another_steve
    • Chucktech

      What is this, some cheap, gratuitous attempt for an upvote?? Here ya go…

      • another_steve

        You’re just jealous that I thought of him first.

      • Lumpy Gaga

        After a certain age, Agnes Moorehead is the cheap, gratuitous attempt for an upvote. Here ya go, PP!!

        • PickyPecker
          • Lumpy Gaga

            “On second thought, make that a fish taco.”

        • motordog

          Interestingly enough, she was a devout Christian…carried a Bible around with her on set and reportedly god-bothered the child actors. Still, at least she had no problem playing a witch…she at least had some common sense.

          • Chucktech

            “Play a witch? Oh, well, that’s show biz…”

          • Lumpy Gaga

            A preacher’s daughter, FWIW.

          • another_steve

            Rumors abound re her possible lesbianism. Some swear it’s true. Some swear it’s false.

            Anyone interested can google.

            Makes for some interesting reading.

      • another_steve
        • Ernest Endevor

          Why are you posting pictures of my husband on the internets?

          • Silver Badger

            Because he’s pretty. Besides, mommy said you should share!

          • Ernest Endevor

            He’s not just a piece of meat. He is a loving human being. Okay, he is a piece of meat. But he’s my piece of meat. And sometimes he cries. (He also does other things and mommy was a bitch.)

        • Chucktech

          My, my, another upvote…

          • another_steve

            He is, of course, Lukas Ridgeston of the Bel Ami studio.

            “When asked, “Do you identify as gay, straight or bi-sexual?,” he replied, “I always say I am sexual.”


        • motordog

          Personal preference and all, but I think he looks better with a few years on the clock.

          • Todd20036

            Too be sexy at 20, all you need is good genetics.

            To be sexy at 40, you need to have good hygiene, exercise, and diet habits. Not to mention you don’t use hard drugs.

          • another_steve

            Attitude is important too.

            Bad attitude is a turnoff — however sexy one might otherwise be.

          • Elizabethjvale2

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !mj92d:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash92ShopBookGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!mj92d:….,…..

          • ChrisMorley

            FLAGGED 7

          • Goodboy

            ..and by age 50 we get the face we all deserve…George Orwell.

          • DaveMiller135

            I don’t think other people deserve the face I got at 50. But I’m just an old softie.

          • vorpal

            A gentle note: alcohol and nicotine are, by all standards, hard drugs… alcohol more deserving of the label than most other hard drugs, as it is physically and psychologically addictive, toxic, and withdrawal can result in severe consequences and death. People who abuse alcohol DO tend to age poorly. My husband is one of them and has some wrinkles that he hates… I call them his “drinkles.”

            Opioids, on the other hand, while absolutely a hard drug, provided one doesn’t use dirty street opioids or inject them, doesn’t make people look old, nor do benzodiazepines.

          • Rambie

            Especially when he started doing por… err… movies again.

          • Gerry Fisher


          • cleos_mom

            But those eyes contrasting with black hair are impressive.

          • another_steve

            They’re exceptionally gorgeous, his eyes.

            They’ve been referred to as “wolf-like.”

          • Ben in Oakland

            I’ll have a three way with both.

        • Rambie

          ^ That’s the one!

        • Jeffrey

          I like him both ways. Actually I’d like to have him both ways.

        • Much better looking with a few years behind him….but that’s just my preference.

          • another_steve

            I know it’s not PC, but I’ve always loved that line — “I’m bisexual. Men and boys.”

          • Ben in Oakland

            I’m trisexual.

            I’ll try anything.

          • another_steve

            ^^ LMAO!


            I’m adding that to my repertoire.

        • DesertSun59

          Damn. He’s still HOT!

          • another_steve

            Plus he has a brain. His wiki page says he “received a university degree in architecture in June 1999.”

            I hate it — hate it hate it hate it — when they look like that AND they have brains!

      • Jeffrey

        I shameless posted a shirtless pic of myself yesterday in competition for hairiest chest yesterday purely because I was sick of politics and because I’m an exibitionist who enjoys cheap upvotes…so yeah, I get it haha

        • motordog

          I don’t recall seeing this pic…so…uh…where is it? 🙂

        • Chucktech

          Perhaps you could refresh our memory. Promising an upvote…

    • Rambie

      I prefer his more current look, the scruff and salt-n-pepper hair

    • Chucktech


    • Rebecca Gardner

      OMG! That made my whole morning. I really needed a laugh because I started the day looking at my medical bills.

    • lymis

      Anyone know how they did that? That’s classic.

      • Chucktech

        This is just a guess, but this looks like a techie toy that will repeat a sentence you say to it. Perfect!

        • (((GC)))

          Yeah! There are toy parrots like that. Fun to set up a few in a feedback loop.

  • Chucktech

    Foggy-headed christians…

  • PickyPecker
  • TexasBoy

    Proving, once again, that P.T. Barnum was absolutely correct.

  • Oikos

    I think Lance is a witch. We can only be sure using trial by water to find out.


  • TK

    In their world, witchcraft = facts

    • marshlc

      witchcraft > facts

  • another_steve
  • PickyPecker
  • PickyPecker
  • Lumpy Gaga

    And what’s sad is, how many Christians feel this fog on their head at times? Do you feel that?

    Girl, that’s your wig.

  • JaniceInToronto

    We manufacture the 527’s here in Canada and smuggle them across our southern border in submarines, right across the Gulf of St. Lawrence. You’re welcome.

    Satan has a lovely summer home in cottage country.

  • MB

    Filed in this week’s ‘what tha’ hayull ??’

  • EweTaw

    Those fingers in my hair
    That sly come-hither stare
    That strips my conscience bare
    It’s witchcraft


  • PickyPecker
  • Porkie

    “Jim Bakker Guest: Liberal Groups Are Using Witchcraft To Cloud The “Minds” Of Conservatives”.
    WOW! Talk about pin-point accuracy!

  • PickyPecker
  • Rebecca Gardner

    Thank the Goddess! It’s Working!

  • motordog
  • Brooklyn Joe
  • Lumpy Gaga

    Also confounding Christians: sunrises.

    • Chucktech

      Also deluding Christians: Sonrises.

  • Liberal Elitist
  • witch

    Oops, busted

  • Allan_in_SF

    I am going to do all the witchcrafts!!!!11!!!

  • Joe knows who I am.

    If what he says about liberals is true, that they’re using witchcraft, why haven’t they cast a spell on him to be unable to speak?

    Asshat grifter.

    • Friday

      He’s already unable to speak sense, why cover for him? 🙂

  • Barry William Teske

    Well we certainly can not have the charity, the good will towards others, the good fortune for the dire in need, all going to the homeless, the sick, the destitute, the lost or just in need of life’s once resplendant gift of ‘hope’.
    That would be sacrilege…NOT!

  • Oikos
    • Friday

      Of course she had to say that because she was part of the Satanic Panic going on talk shows claim that all the anti-Pagan accusations and ‘occult crime’ paranoia was real cause… well, she was a Fundie who believed that scam, …claimed to be an ‘occult expert’ cause she… ‘dabbled in witchcraft’ …which in her case involved no more than a little heavy petting with a metalhead in the park one evening, then panicking. 🙂

  • Mr. M

    If by witchcraft he means performing “I Put a Spell on You” a la Bette Midler, he would be 100% correct!

  • Martin

    Too bad they’ve nobody acting as a shepherd to guide them.

  • Friday

    OK, that ‘fog’ you may be feeling there, Fundies, is not witchcraft, it is a *dissociative state* your preachers and pundits are inducing by all the disinformation and psychological double-binds they are employing to try and get you to vote Trump in the name of yer Jesus.

    As for what any actual witchcraft may be doing, I couldn’t possibly comment. 🙂

    • grindstone

      Thank you. I tried to turn NPR back on the other day (I’m eschewing radio until after the election), and the BBC had a story about evangelicals in Colorado. They rationalization they had to come up with for why Trump was their candidate was astounding, befuddling, confusing, and dumb.

  • Lumpy Gaga
  • Uncle Mark

    This “holy truth” is brought to you by the same witchcraft that put these images and sounds in your rectangular palantir…in full demonic digital clarity

  • Eenie meenie chilie beanie the spirits are about to speak!

  • Cackalaquiano

    Folks, we need to be more focused and coordinated in our witchcraft efforts. Work smarter not harder right?

  • Acronym Jim

    Who knows what darkness lurks in the minds of men?

    The Shadow Lance Wallnau does. /s

  • Blackfork

    If your little christianist head is in a fog, it’s called brainwashing.

  • Jmdintpa

    look like a witch got a hold of that wig he got on

  • Nathan Broussard

    Ten Commandments List:

    You shall have no other gods before Me.
    You shall make no idols.
    You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
    Keep the Sabbath day holy.
    Honor your father and your mother.
    You shall not murder.
    You shall not commit adultery.
    You shall not steal.
    You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
    You shall not covet.

    They always forget #9

    • greenmanTN

      Hmmm. I have Trump down for 9 of those and that’s only because I have no direct proof of #6.

    • joe ho

      Too bad the supposed creator of the universe forgot to add “You shall not own other human beings.”

  • Lumpy Gaga

    Yeah, ask Macbeth how we roll…

  • LackofFaithify

    How has this not been posted yet?

    • Kruhn

      I was going to post it myself.

  • Ernest Endevor

    I am entirely convinced by that thing on his head. Particularly the color. Also the eyebrows and such as.

  • Gaymurcan

    This from a collection of roaming psychotics, self-loathing misfits and apologist snake-handlers hawking Bakkker slop in buckets for cash and prizes. Boo hoo, Xian!

  • The_Wretched

    “more unbelievers agree with the narrative that they’re hearing”

    There’s magical thinking going on here. It’s not the liberal groups doing it.

    Notice the embedded argument from fear. By merely existing with ‘liberal views’, you’re engaging in direct personal attacks on them.

    • Friday

      Even as magical thinking goes, that’s not very good thinking skills. 🙂

  • Lumpy Gaga
  • greenmanTN
  • OhNo,Sweetie

    well, trying to cloud minds already immersed in their own fog is rather redundant and a waste of perfectly good infant blood.

  • SoCalVet

    Jim looks like he just got let go from prison or something. Does that just stick with you?

  • Smartypants

    That’ll teach them to skip their Defense Against The Dark Arts class.

    • Friday

      Christianist “Defence Against The Dark Arts:” 1)Accuse everyone, 2) Pray 3)Get Paranoid 4) Accuse more. 5)Go Insane. 6) Escalate 7) Repeat.

      • PickyPecker

        See….Salem Witch Trials (1692-1693)
        Of which, geneology shows my ancestor was the last woman to be hanged as a ‘witch’.

        • OdieDenCO

          well that certainly puts a new spin on choking the chicken

        • Friday

          I think the guy who said ‘More Weight’ may have been the first true American as we’ve come to consider the nation that would come along in later centuries being about. 🙂


    Counterfeit evangelical outfits like this infomercial.

  • Tom (Wpg)

    Have you ever thought that God could be on our side?

    • Oikos

      If he existed, maybe.

      • Chucktech

        But since He doesn’t, no, we’ve never actually thought with, you know, our brains and shit, that God could be on our side.

  • DonMN763

    I wonder, will these evangelical wingnuts be included in the New
    Republican Party? You know, the republican party that one day embraces
    Women Americans, Veteran Americans, African Americans, Hispanic
    Americans, LGBT Americans, Poor Americans, Elderly Americans, Nonchristian Americans, Immigrant
    Americans? Sorry, it’s a trick question. Republicans will NEVER embrace
    these groups of Americans. Not in YOUR lifetime.

  • Friday

    It’s always interesting and horrifying to watch Christianists gaslight *themselves.*

    He went full Cotton Mather.
    You never go full Cotton Mather.


    • greenmanTN

      So it could be said he’s bullshitting in high Cotton, yes?

  • justme

    A little too much whine and geez…

  • bkmn
    • sherman

      I think the Republicon party has become a cult.

      • RJ Bone

        They wanted a mindless base that they could control with talking points and preachers and there was a large, untapped group out there ripe for the taking. All they had to do was add gawd to their bullshit fiscal talking points and suddenly the sheep are trampling each other to vote against their own self-interest. Because gawd.

        Besides, how do you get people who are dirt poor to hand millionaires more money? Tell them their god told them to.

        Religion is terrifying because it can take people who might otherwise be kind and turn them into lunatics literally frothing at the mouth while hurling bigotry and racism.

      • glass

        It’s a religion and a cult. They are Republic Con Artists.

    • William

      A cult is any religious sect created after yours.

    • DoctorDJ

      Don’t remember where I heard this decades ago, but it’s still true:
      A religion is a cult with a university.


    Al Capone wasn’t in the mafia, he was a freelancer.

  • good shot green
  • Uncle Mark

    Poor Jimmy. I guess for him “The Ages of Reason, Enlightenment, the Modern Era, and the Information Age” were just things that happened to other people.

  • i am very sad that i have no marijuana right now. i’ve been experiencing the effects of a brain injury, recently and so i’m not really good with all my ancient, silly languages. would anyone like to translate for me? MJ would do the trick, but like i said, i aint got none.

    • Hue-Man

      Sadly, Alan Turing is long dead. Whatever the message was will have to remain an Enigma.

      • EweTaw

        Worst pun ever! But I enjoyed it. 🙂

  • FAEN

    Religion-constantly lobotomizing.

  • motordog
    • Friday

      Kind of a nice holiday song. 🙂

    • New avatar? Nice!

  • sherman


    Are they going to add another stripe to the rainbow flag?


    • Friday

      Probably not, on the stripe.

    • lymis

      The stripes never reflected the acronym before. The original designer had different meanings for each color, but basically, it was the rainbow. A couple of colors in the very first design were removed because they were too expensive.

  • Natty Enquirer

    Dr. Loon boasts a “Doctorate in Ministry with a specialization in Marketplace from Phoenix University of Theology.”

    • Chucktech

      A true academic dynamo, that Phoenix U…

    • Friday

      It’s the Home Shopping Network Of The Tribulation!

  • Michael White

    If we had that kind of power the GOP would not exist at all.

  • ShawnSwagger
  • RJ Bone

    No. The “fog” in your heads is your brain trying to reconcile the world not being what your Dear Leaders SAY it is. It is that moment when facts collide with brainwashing and you don’t know what to do, so you start to shut down or mentally filter what is breaking your processes.

    “It’s almost like everything’s going wrong”? That’s because it IS, in the world you’ve constructed in your head. You’re seeing things happen that shouldn’t BE happening because gawd or whatever.

    Unfortunately, many of those who are indoctrinated find a way to sort it out and go back to their previous settings. But sometimes you can get a clear picture of the fact that it is WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG and you get away.

    I’m really glad I did, with help 🙂

  • Greenscreen

    This tool has a “doctorate” from the online Phoenix University Of Theology!

    • Natty Enquirer

      With a specialization in “Marketplace.”

    • EweTaw

      Oooohhhhh, I hear they’re a good school!

    • Chucktech

      Thank you. I eye-rollingly half-wondered what “doctorate” of horseshit this guy was purporting to have.

  • JoyZeeBoy

    Why am I NOT watching this sh!t? It’s clearly far more entertaining than GoT, Gotham and a Treehouse of Horror marathon all rolled into one!

  • EweTaw

    OT: Chris Schwartz, the out Democratic candidate for supervisor in Black Hawk County, Iowa, woke up Thursday to a find antigay vandals had targeted his home.
    Check out his Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/VoteChrisSchwartz/photos/pcb.1594663920840173/1594663784173520/?type=3&theater

    Leviticus 20:13 strikes again. It’s gotta be witchcraft.


    “Christians” always feel a fog, it’s a standard setting.

    • lymis

      There’s your PROOF!

    • Friday

      Actually, of course, that’;ll be the dissociative state from their own lies and delusions and fears not matching up with reality or …actually computing. The more they escalate their paranoia, the more their poor brains have to dissociate. WHen they start decompensating it’s usually called a ‘moral panic’ or… A witch-craze.

  • paganguy

    I guess I’ll need to use the extra-strength candles and incense now that they’ve figured it out.

    • Friday

      Song to actually frighten Christians by. 🙂 )


      • paganguy

        I hadn’t heard that before. I liked it. 🙂 There’s always this too. https://youtu.be/B2D6C2IC1U0

        • Friday

          That’s a band I’ve always kinda wished could have gone with a more-appropiate name than kinda generically Gothy, (especially since just the band ‘Inkubus’ was big at the time, too. 🙂 )

  • Steverino

    That fog is likely the result of double-think, cognitive dissonance, psychological projection, paranoia, and lack of facts and critical thinking skills.

    In other words, nobody to blame but yourselves.


    At least they haven’t figured out that Joe is the PM of the shadow cabinet and we are his army.

    • OdieDenCO

      proud member of the JMGAF, flying monkey division

    • motordog


      • PLAINTOM

        Since my neighbors haven’t figured out that the gazebo which appeared overnight in my garden is actually a camouflaged black helicopter, I feel operational security is adequate.

        • William

          You can disguise nearly anything by putting a doily on it.
          “That can’t be a Sherman tank, it has a doily!”

  • Uncle Mark

    I find it rather odd that we didn’t hear this much talk of “witchcraft” when Obama was running for office or re-election; it was more “muslim” accusations then. Is this the best these misogynist RWNJs have to denigrate a white woman?

    • Kruhn

      Remember, independent women are either witches or bitches to those folks.

    • Duck

      There was some “devil” related chatter, but I think it was more related to the fact that he was not-white than anything else. One of the last emails I ever got from my Dad’s home account was a chain email forwarded about Obama being the anti-christ , some numerology, revelation of john, Mayan calendar bs. That is about as close to that I can get from recollection.

      Of course to the RWNJ crowd the accusation of following Islam is pretty much the same as being a “witch”, or “pagan” or “devil worshipper”.

      • Uncle Mark

        I remember that “devil” chatter about Obama too. Unfortunately, my own sister (married to a demented & racist Limbaugh-lover) felt the need to share with me that “Obama was The Beast” as the Beast was supposed to promise solutions and fix a pressing issue (the economy), and was supposed to be well-liked/adored by the masses before fucking everyone over. I told her those same arguments would have condemned FDR or pretty much any other President as the Beast.

        Where Hillary is concerned, I couldn’t help but notice that I’ve heard the full range of dark accusations about her. First I heard she was a demon, then JUST demon-possessed, and now she’s a witch. I would think that these RWNJs could at least come to some agreement as to what kind of evil Hillary is supposed to be. Being the Halloween season, I must admit some comedic curiousity as to their proof.

  • Clair

    I don’t put any weight in supernatural powers,either witchcraft or religion, but if the the religious groups can offer up prayers (incantations) to try to influence the outcome, how is that any different from witches casting spells? And by saying that Christians are under the fog of a witchcraft spell, aren’t they just resigning to the power of witchcraft being more powerful than their own supernatural religion?

    So it is OK to pray and fast for their power to influence things, but totally not ok for a Wiccan to do the same? Freedom of religion!!
    The whole thing is crap…

    • Chucktech

      Just as in Oz, apparently one can be a good witch or a bad witch.

      • Friday

        Technically the Christians think and teach all ‘witches’ are *bad,* and then went around the world teaching other cultures that ‘witch’ is the word for an ill-worker and all workers are witches, so all are to be killed.

        It’;s one reason they were so obsessed with trying to ban Harry Potter books, …which have about zero to do with actual witchcraft (at least that most would recognize as other than general British folklore) save an original cultural context for the word ‘witch.’

      • perversatile

        Yet Glenda couldn’t tell by looking at Dorothy, she had to ask…
        Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

    • Xuuths

      Iron is more powerful than their supernatural omnipotent deity (Judges 1:19 “And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.”)

    • Friday

      Interestingly, these Christianist ‘prayers against others’ much more resemble what is ‘forbidden sorcery’ in Abrahamic beliefs, not to mention ‘black magic’ than do actual Wiccan spells. (in effect they’re summoning ‘spirits, gods, angels, or devils’ to act as their agents rather than so much acting directly. Just they think if it’s their God or angels or Jesus, it’s OK.)

  • Jean-Marc in Canada
    • EweTaw

      By the bleeding of my gums
      Something icky this way comes!

  • Max_1
  • StraightGrandmother

    It’s always the fault of “the gays” did you ever notice that. One thing I so much enjoy on JMG and listening to you, is to hear your stories of what it was like for you growing up and what it was like now. You are the generation that drove that change, and now you are experiencing the fruits of your labor.

    So when these right wing Christians whine and lament it is true, ya’ll did change the culture. And 30 years from now,, it is going to be even more different, better.

    • Friday

      Hey, they’ve been blaming Pagans (as ‘witches’) for their own lunacy all along, too. Strictly speaking they kind of got *obsessed* with the anti-gay stuff about when they got severely fricking embarrassed by their own ‘Satanic Panic.’ They’ve been trying to bring it back though, hoping people will have forgotten.

  • I have a gay hombre friend with an evangelical mother. She bought him a Jim Bakker end times bucket. Even bought the 3 in 1 shovel (it’s a bucket stirrer, a serving utensil and a latrine digger and probably could be used to kill zombies). I think he said it was over $300 for the kit. I begged him to open it up and take pics. It’s just packets of freeze dried and instant food.

    “Make your Apocalypse more enjoyably with our Family Size Macaroni and Cheese! Don’t be raptured without it!

    • RJ Bone

      “This tastes like chicken.”

      “So what’s wrong with it?”

      “It’s macaroni and cheese.”

    • Chucktech

      “So delish during the Apocalypse! Oops, we’re running out. Now what? At least we have potable water……………………wut???

      • LOL they sell buckets of instant water you big silly man!

        • Treant

          Powdered water, just add water?

          • Chucktech

            Christians’ll buy it…

  • Octoberfurst

    Damn! He’s on to us!

    • Treant

      I didn’t know Vorpal was in that movie!

  • William

    Don’t go blaming witchcraft, some people are just stupid. Others are poorly educated.

  • TheManicMechanic

    That fog is stupidity and mental illness.

  • Lee Grupsmith-Pedersen

    Clouding minds with witchcraft/blinding them with science. PoTAYto PoTAHto. Either way–good job, crew!

    • Friday

      Magic distinguishable from technology is insufficiently-advanced. Well, unless it’s just cooler otherwise. Or funnier. 🙂

  • RJ Bone

    If you ever want to have some fun, find a congregation of people like this, sneak in the back door and start yelling “Darwin”, “Carl Sagan” and “Critical thinking” and watch the whole group fall down to the ground in a group seizure, begging jeebus to save them.

    EDIT: Becuz ay noh spel gud.

  • Patrick

    If facts + logic = witchcraft, then guilty as charged.

  • Nic Peterson

    Girls! The goofy dude with the bad weave is on to us! Who has the incantation?

  • Wynter Marie Starr

    It’s been a rough week, so I’m indulging in some wine. Here’s a spell passed down in my family.

    Write the name of your enemy on a small piece of paper and put into some water. Freeze the water and you “freeze” your enemy.

    • Max_1

      What happens if I toss that cube in the fire?

      • Wynter Marie Starr

        My grandmother never said. I come from a long line of women that may have “played” at being religious, but all of us have a little something extra. My grandmother taught me many things that she learned from her mother and grandmother. She scared the crap out of my grandfather, but he adored her.

      • Treant

        By theory? Fire is a cleaning element, so it should erase the binding spell quite handily and cancel any connection the person had with the paper.

    • Treant

      My great grandmother swore by a tied knot around said slip of paper, to symbolically lock them down and render them impotent. Power-wise. For actual impotence, you needed a few random herbs.

      • Wynter Marie Starr

        Same theory it seems. I’d have to search for that one as it doesn’t immediately come to mind.

        • Treant

          Check the Germanic traditions for that, I should think. I grew up in a household with a hex sign, after all, and even I buried a ring of bent nails around my own property.

          Traditions die very, very hard sometimes.

          • William

            I’ve heard of burying witch bottles, but not burying a ring of bent nails around the property.

          • Treant

            Cold iron. Protection against nasties and things that go hump…I mean bump…in the night.

          • Wynter Marie Starr

            I will. Sounds interesting and I’m very into traditions that are passed down. Thank you.

    • greenmanTN

      If my grandmother lost something and couldn’t find it she would say “I pin the devil down until I find _____,” and stick a big hat pin into a cushion, then she’d find the lost item almost immediately. Then she’d remove the pin to let the devil go to commit mischief elsewhere.

      • Wynter Marie Starr

        Love that. I must try it as I ALWAYS lose my glasses, keys, and wallet.

      • Friday

        An Irish version is to laugh like you get whatever joke the pooks are playing on you. 🙂
        (Actually helps mundanely if you manage to do it well, laughing and mental blocks sometimes don’t get along. 🙂 )

    • Bomer

      I had family members that would pray to St. Anthony for help then take their little statue of him stand it on its head and then turn it so he was facing a corner. They would turn him right side up and facing the room again when their prayer was answered.

      • Wynter Marie Starr

        I’m loving hearing all these family traditions. Thank you. So interesting and every family seems to have them.

        • Bomer

          My Grandmother’s side of the family was Catholic (Spanish/Mexican decent) and they had a lot of these little rituals but that’s the only one that I remember.

          • Wynter Marie Starr

            In some families, the veneer of christianity is thin indeed.

    • PickyPecker

      In my family, there is a tiny statue of St. Joseph which has been passed down several generations. Mom has it now. If you are wanting to…or planning to move, you ask mom to borrow him. He gets buried upside down near the foundation of your current home facing the direction in which you wish to be moving……and after your wish is granted, he is exhumed, washed off and returned to mom for safe keeping. odd, I know. 🙂

      • Wynter Marie Starr

        Not as odd as you think. There is a tradition in my family that old brooms are discarded and new ones bought whenever you move. I have no choice about moving soon and plan to throw my old brooms out and buy new ones.

        • Friday

          Yeah, that’s a common one, …actually it usually seems to work out that whoever left a place leaves an old broom in the closet, so I get a new one and the old one becomes an outdoor one, (and I do the same moving out of wherever: cause I do that tradition too, except accordingly I leave the old one outside so as not to leave my old troubles on the next tenants) … that way it all rotates and no one’s dealing with moving old brooms around at least. 🙂

          • Wynter Marie Starr

            I know that you are a pagan so I’m not at all surprised you follow this very ancient tradition.

      • Friday

        Syncretism at its finest: since Joseph’s sort of the Catholic patron of exiles/journeys and burying stuff upside down is for the attention of the spirit world (going back to the Neolithic in the British isles anyway. )

        (Funny enough in some cultures that seems to be turned round to trying to make the object of the statue earn some respect (back.) 🙂 )

    • We had a “Bathtub Mary” which is pretty common in catholic areas. It’s literally an old bathtub, half buried and a statue of virgin mary inside. Google it.

      • Friday

        We kinda made ours back into Ishtar one place we had back home. 🙂

  • Joseph Miceli

    Oh, Honey! We don’t need witchcraft for that. You’re doing just fine all on your own.

    • Friday

      Yah, that ‘fog’ will be their own dissociation since their lies have taken them so far from reality… they must dissociate. 🙂

  • Uncle Mark

    I love how Joe has this story filed this under mad cow disease

    • William

      Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease is the correct technical term in human cases. Mad Cow Disease is close enough in certain cases.

  • Treant

    Unfortunately, I’m not a witch. I’m a druid*. So I’ll use my druidcraft and entangle you in vines, symbolically immobile. Enjoy.

    * That’s the running joke around here as, every year, the gardens explode far above what anybody else can do.

  • Rod Steely

    Oh these poor things and their weak god who falls victim to Satan and to witchcraft. Oh how I long for the days of an all-powerful god like Zeus!

    • Friday

      Actually ‘All-powerful’ in that sense is a Christian/Abrahamic theological problem, specifically. 🙂

      (You’d find ancient philosophers (at least as approved of by Christians passing it down) found the general lack of positied omnipotence and omnibenevolence unsatisfying in terms of ‘Platonic ideals,’ in fact. 🙂 )

      • Hína Kemenduro

        Yes… and it sets up the contradiction of how can an omnipotent benevolent deity allow evil. The parasites will go on about free will, but, if parents allowed children to fight one another with deadly weapons, with knowledge, and the parents did nothing about it, we would probably find them to be criminally negligent and then jail those parents. We certainly would not praise them. Clearly, their god is a fiction. This world is proof enough of its non-existence.

        • Friday

          “Free Will” in the Christian sense is actually just there to try and be a patch on their own contradictions, which come from their own absolutes in the first place. Fate and free will aren’t the contradictions some claim: just cause something’s fated doesn’t mean you’re exempt from making your choices at any given point.

  • teeveedub
  • Well, okay, let’s give it a test. Conservatives, I command that your minds be cloudy! *POOF*

    Well, how about that! It worked!! And I didn’t even have to use the full spell!

  • shivadog

    Actually this makes a lot of sense. What else could explain the sheer stupidity of right wing nut jobs?

    • Friday

      That they brought their own stupidity and are looking for someone to blame when their bullshit is getting too contradictory for even their own heads? 🙂

  • RJ Bone

    Considering the audience, you could use Minecraft and they wouldn’t know the difference…

  • motordog

    It’s not ‘levi-O-sa’, it’s ‘levios-A’!

    • Treant

      “You’re going to put somebody’s eye out.”

  • Mike Knife

    Christians are experts at witchcraft. Only they call it psychological warfare instead of witchcraft.

    • Friday

      Sure, like they’re ‘experts’ at sex, sexuality, science, and anthropology. 🙂

  • ByronK

    Pointy black hats are better than pointy white hoods.

  • CanuckDon
    • Herald

      Thanks for the LOL, I needed that today.

  • Clive Johnson

    Witchcraft? This millennia-old savage myth? I’m not surprised that Christian fundamentalists keep this stuff alive.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    “how many Christians feel this fog on their head at times? Do you feel that? It’s almost like everything’s going wrong.”

    LOL! Are they waking up to being WRONG all the time ?? ? Can this be ??

    • Friday

      It’s almost as if conservative groups are using television, disinfo, and psychological double-binds to cloud the minds of Christianists and vice versa. 🙂 That fog’ll be the cognitive dissonance of their self-gaslighting having trouble coping with reality or itself. 🙂

  • Megrim Twist
  • Bj Lincoln

    Is it me or does this seem like a half ass word salad? I read it once then thought I would get more from watching but I didn’t. The last part does not make sense to me. The fog is from witchcraft?! They really don’t have a clue do they.

    • greenmanTN

      I’d say full assed, but maybe you’re grading on a curve?

  • D. J.

    Puhleese, if I had the power of witchcraft, there would be a round daisy chain of male radical Christianists with every quote they have said against our tribe, calling for our deaths along with complete financial disclosure of how much money they have fleeced from their flocks of deplorables.
    I would also have a similar set up for women like Janet Porter, Little Monica Cole, Linda Harvey and Anita Staver.
    Not a single hateful denomination would be spared.
    This would appear randomly on CBN & DayStar rotating around like jewelry TV sales infomercials, until no church could escape bankruptcy and I’d tax them, too.
    I have no tolerance for those who declared open hunting season on us since what seems like forever and have used us for their own lust for power.
    Witchcraft? Bring me a fucking magic wand.

  • Randy503

    Facts and logic are really witchcraft too.

    • Hína Kemenduro

      Facts are from the devil… only bullies use them.

  • cleos_mom

    If you chronically feel a fog in your head, you’d best have your car’s emission system checked.

    And of course there’s “power in agreement”. Aside from the metaphysical meaning, that’s called an “election.”

  • greenmanTN

    I must send him a thank you note for reminding me of this song, which I haven’t listened to in years. It was a mainstay on my Halloween party mixed tapes for years.


  • Silver Badger

    If Witchcraft worked like this asshole thinks, there would be way fewer evangelicals and way more frogs.

    • PhallicMetaphor

      Unless someone is punishing frogs by turning them into…….evangelicals?

      • Silver Badger

        Goodness, you would have to be to be pretty bad to be turned into an evangelical.

        • Friday

          One too many times, Lady saw em scooping up the field mice and bopping em on the head, so they got turned into goons. 🙂

    • Friday

      Frankly, if it worked like he thinks he’d have less of an audience because people wouldn’t be as stupid and angry and miserable. 🙂 (It never occurs to them that power of any kind could be used for something besides malice or control.)

  • Hína Kemenduro

    Ugh… that “fog” is a product of cognitive dissonance. You assert a rather nasty fairytale as literally true, not a useful metaphor, but a literal fact. Then, when you dare to open your eyes, you see that it is utterly unsupported by reality. It’s like a two-by-four between the eyes.

  • DaveMiller135

    You say “Witchcraft,” We say “Logic and Facts.” Let’s call the whole thing off.

  • AJayne

    Yes. It’s witchcraft, and I am the witch in charge. Beware all ye xtians, the fog is only the beginning…

  • Richard

    Talk about bat shit crazy !

  • Sean Taylor

    Ain’t nobody got time for that

  • charliebkk

    I don’t live in the US any more. At one time, I kind of missed it. But no more. The epidemic of mental illness has become out of control.

  • Ben in Oakland

    Doctor of what, exactly?

    And Jesus isn’t protecting anyone? Why, you’d almost think Jesus doesn’t….nah.

    • Friday

      (Generally, they invoke ‘witches’ whenever their own bullshit doesn’t work on contact with reality and they can’t pretend otherwise without dissociating themselves into brainfogs anymore.)

      • thatotherjean

        I read that the first time as “brainfrogs,” I liked it better that way.

  • Robert Adams

    I’m always amazed that the people who are the strongest believers in an omnipotent God, who they supposedly walk with every day, are so vulnerable to the evil spirits of the world.

    • Friday

      As much as they try to project it on everyone else, that Devil of theirs is part and parcel of *their* ostensible religious cosmology. Cultures that deal with spirits constructively don’t fucking act like these guys. 🙂

  • wds

    Good Lord, these folks can’t come up with something new … I grew up when this was being preached – Witches are controlling our government and allowing _______ (insert fear of the day – then it was Communism) to cloud the minds of everyone/the government/the president/other churches .. They – well, especially Jimmie Fraud Buckets anyway – are getting so desperate …

    • Friday

      Goddess. If ‘witches’ were controlling the government we’d have better things to do than use all that to elect Republicans and subtly help the Fundies drive themselves insane. Frankly, people’d probably be happier and more good stuff would be getting done. 🙂

      (Frankly, it says a lot more about *them* than anyone else that they imagine someone else has this kind of power, whether that kind of magic control or weather-altering machines or etc etc and ….they completely can’t consider that if someone had that kind of power, they might not waste it on some conspiracy to fuck things up, when, say, hey, you know, if you could control the weather, you could …make a lot of people *happy* around the world, maybe even unfuck the climate so everyone can run their duallies’ diesel engines as over-rich as the neighbors can stand, as or something. 🙂 )

  • IamM

    Short version: Wishful thinking is real. Something something Jesus. Send money.

    • Friday

      I think that’s their way of saying that their inability to rationalize/agree on all voting Trump in the name of Jeezus is causing them to dissociate, therefore it must be an ancient witchcraft conspiracy to fog their minds cause of their religion’s Devil. 🙂

  • DesertSun59

    These evangelical groups are telling all of our secrets! I guess I’ll have to up the ante and get my voodoo doll out now.

  • Richard B
  • fuzzybits
  • Gianni

    Oh, Lawd! The blather coming from this one. He has more conspiracies wrapped up together than I thought possible. Interesting how when God isn’t responding to their entreaties to humble the opposition and the opposition remains strong and resists while gaining ground, it must be because of demons, devils, and witches collaborating and, apparently, overwhelming God’s power. Odd because that, according to Christians, is impossible. God is all powerful and whatever happens is because He wanted it to happen or just allowed it to happen. There just might be a message in there for Christians to seriously ponder. And while you’re pondering, stop talking like frightened little children imagining the boogeyman is under the bed.

  • Stubenville
  • JCF
  • andrew

    Satan, Witchcraft, Devil, Evil Spirits, Yes folks mythology is alive and well in 21st century U.S.A.

  • I.Smith

    So Gay people can control the weather and have a massive Mafia organisation, Witches can cast spells and control minds.

    Why haven’t both groups teamed up they could rule the world together.

  • George Waite

    What’s with theologians/aka witchdoctors becoming “doctors” in non-subjects like “theology/divinity”? Can you get a masters in astrology or tarot cards?
    This “doctor”s been eating too much of Jim Bakker’s survival food.