One Million Moms Vs Kraft Heinz

Just via press release:

Dear Joe, Devour microwave meals, owned by The Kraft Heinz Company, is offending families with not one but two inappropriate commercials. Both ads use s-xual innuendo and suggestive language. Parents find this type of advertising disgusting particularly since they air during the day and prime time when children are likely watching.

In “Pool Boy,” a teenager is standing in the kitchen, wearing only tiny swim trunks, while he and the woman of the home discuss his food with back and forth dialogue including “oh yeah, so creamy, so creamy, creamy cream, oh yeah, oh yeah” before her husband walks in on them and says, “Hey, you’re eating my meal you punk.”

In “Lunch Spank,” a guy in a lunchroom is talking dirty to his frozen meal. He tells it to say his name while he says, “you like that don’t you?…you naughty little” and then spanks his lunch with his fork. A coworker walks in on him and asks if he just spanked his lunch. He replied, “yes” to which the coworker follows up with, “Nice.” The tagline they are using at the end of all their ads is “Food You Want To Fork.”

Devour’s shameful advertising campaign doesn’t stop with p-rverted commercials though. Posts by Devour Foods on their Facebook page include: “Dive in to obscenely creamy new frozen meals. #FoodYouWantToFork” and “Always be prepared. #FoodYouWantToFork (With an image of forks wrapped in c-ndom wrappers.)” and “Warning: This video contains explicitly bacony new frozen meals. #FoodYouWantToFork”

The Kraft Heinz Company has gone too far and will push away loyal, conservative customers with this new ad campaign. Families will not be able to buy any of their products until they clean up their advertising. Who will want Kraft Heinz products in their fridge or pantry if this vulgarity is what they represent?

One Million Moms cannot get over the gall of this company. It is unnecessary for Kraft Heinz to use s-x to sell frozen food! Why would Kraft Heinzdeliberately turn off consumers with s-x-laden advertisements? They need to hear from 1MM concerning these sleazy commercials. There is no reason to use indecent ads to sell food products.

TAKE ACTION: Please use the information we have provided to contact The Kraft Heinz Company and urge them to discontinue their offensive Devour Foods #FoodYouWantToFork campaign immediately.

  • I like how they can’t spell out “perverted” , as if that is itself a profane word.

    • clay

      They’ve seen what it drew in through their search engines. Of course, if they wanted to help their readers search for their articles, they could tag them.

    • Robincho

      THAT F-G REALLY S-CKED MY D-CK…

      (That fog really socked my deck…)

      • YakHerder

        God damn it now I have coffee all over my computer monitor ahahahahahaah

    • (((GC)))

      It’s not profane, it’s sacred! (As are condoms, and sex itself!)

      (Like traditional Jews writing “G-d” out of caution and respect — an extension of the idea of honoring someone’s “good name” — so a name of God won’t get accidentally defaced or thrown away. In prayerbooks, scriptures, etc. “God” is spelled out.)

  • Enrico Webers

    They don’t even dare to spell the word perverted (writing ‘p-rverted’ instead)?

    Wow, they’re anal, aren’t they?

    • edrex

      No. They’re “a-al”.

    • Michael Smith

      I believe you mean -n-l.

      • Enrico Webers

        Oh my g-d, you’re right!

    • David Kerlick

      Cat lovers meaning purrverted?

      • Reality.Bites

        Oh that reminds me – I heard an interview with furry artist Mouse on Matt Baume’s “Sewers of Paris” podcast. They (or he does, anyway) use terms like fursona and fursonality.

        http://www.mattbaume.com/sewers-shownotes/

        I have to say, that were I a politician faced with granting or withholding rights from furries, that their willingness to drop terms like fursona would weigh heavily in my decision. And in all fairness, had it been up to me the term “husbear” would not have been allowed to survive our community’s transition to legal marriage.

    • JW Swift

      They’ve claimed in the past that they do it to keep their messages from getting caught by parental filters that could be blocking the messages if they contained certain keywords having to do with sex.

  • Oscarlating Wildely

    You know, if you are afraid to write the word “sex” you really should not be giving any advice on it, more less on fucking, more less on anything dealing with that fine young hunk o’ man! Me-ow!

  • Dante

    They actually wrote “sexual” as…. s-xual???

    • SunsetGay

      They’re playing Wheel of Fortune. I’d like to buy a vowel.

      • teeveedub

        P-T S-J-K would be so proud.

        • Todd20036

          He probably censors sexual, perverse, etc. as well.
          He’s a worthless tea bagger.

          • abel

            Wasn’t Sajak one of Merv’s boy toys?

          • Robincho

            That’s b-gger, to you…

          • (((GC)))

            Those kinds of puritans can go b-gger off for all I care!

    • Rolf

      I often wonder how, considering their horror at anything s-xual, they actually became moms.
      I guess, like that old joke, their husbands came on the floor and flies did the rest.
      Which makes me wonder if the biblical scribes misspelled ‘fly’ as ‘dove’.

      • Galvestonian

        It’s easy – ya cut a hole in the sheet and lay it over yourself covering up every thing but where he’s supossed to put his membrum virilis.

  • Conservatives complain about safe spaces and trigger warnings but then have to bleep out “perverted” and “condom.” Jeez.

    • josephsinger

      And don’t forget the word s*xual!

      • I thought maybe that was “saxual,” as in people who have two saxophones (they’re bisaxual! :p).

        • (((GC)))

          I love to duet!

      • Lane

        Bunch of uptight Yankee fans, can’t stand anyone who actually like Sox or Soxual activity.

    • vorpal

      Vowels are BAD, mmmkay?
      = s-x
      = G-d

      • IamM

        😀

      • Robincho

        They need to buy a vowel movement, methinks…

        • They need a bowel movement, they are full of crap.

      • (((GC)))

        You’re on to something! Like Orthodox Jews, they’re showing that sex, condoms, etc. are too sacred to disrespect their names! (What if someone prints out the email and then throws it away?)

        Then again, the Rev. Jim Huber writes:
        “Next time some Mighty Zombie asks if you believe in God tell them this: ‘Sure: I believe God is sex, and I definitely believe in sex.‘ If
        they’re cute and you’re available, wink.”
        http://www.jhuger.com/pascals-sucker-bet

  • Keiffer

    Hey, One Mom! Fork You.

    Or as Bette Midler has often (almost) said: If they can’t take a “fork” then joke ’em.

    • TuuxKabin

      Yeah, she then goes on to say: ‘that’s helped a lot of people over some bad humps.’

      • Anastasia Beaverhousen

        My favorite of Bette’s… “My husband and I only have oral sex now.
        I see him in the hall before bed. I say, “fuck you!” he says, “fuck you.”

        • Jerry

          Or…”and I’ll never forget it, a man was knocking on my hotel room door all night…eventually I had to get up and let him out.”

      • ceeenbee

        I was in bed last night with my boyfriend Earnie and he said to me “Soph! You’ve got no tits and a tight box.” I said to him “Earnie! Get off my back!”

        • TuuxKabin

          My first impression of her, from the “Live At Last” album. Live in Cleveland.

          • ceeenbee

            My parents took me to New York when I was 13 to see Bette do Clams On A Half Shell at the Minskoff Theatre. They have probably regretted it since.

          • TuuxKabin

            Enlightenment and empowerment gone wrong? How could that be? Maybe they just don’t want to take all the credit for helping you on your pursuit to being, absolutely FABULOUS!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_Sb7PpLoS0&list=RDA_Sb7PpLoS0

        • Jerry

          I will never forget you know, my boyfriend said to me, “Soph, if you would learn to cook, we could fire the chef.” I said to him, “Ernie, if you would learn to fuck, we could fire the chauffeur.”

          • JDS

            I was talking to my girlfriend Clementine, a dirty filthy old broad, she says to me “Soph, what do you get when you cross a male member with a telephone pole?” I said Clementine, I don’t know” she says “You get a 10 foot dick that wants to reach out and touch somebody!”

        • Anastasia Beaverhousen

          I told my girlfriend Clementine, “My boyfriend Ernie bought me a dozen roses last night. Now I will be on my back with my legs in the air for at least a week!”
          Clementine says, “Whatsamatta? Ain’t ya got no vase?”

  • JT

    Some individuals definitely have creamy stuff on the brain.

    • boatboy_srq

      Makes one think that one should refrain from demanding they bake cupcakes: all that FROSTING, after all…

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    Forking great commercials!

  • delk

    WTF? Is that a press release of Wheel of (mis)Fortune?

  • “s-xual”?!? Now basic English words are offensive?

    • teeveedub

      Y-s.

  • Gustav2

    Everytime I see them use the word “s-xual” I giggle like a pre-teen!

    • YakHerder

      Yeah! And I don’t understand it. What does “suxual” even mean?

      • boatboy_srq

        Actually it’s “sixual.” Because the first five times don’t count.

        • Christopher

          I thought it was saxual! Damn those woodwind instruments! Always corrupting the youth, enticing them into a culture of music.

          • YakHerder

            Actually, I think it’s got to be “soxual”. I for example am bisoxual: I like the Red Sox and the White Sox!

        • Robincho

          Or with a bonerfied Kinsey Six… 😉

        • (((GC)))

          Actually with what passes for good, moral, godly, pure, upright, abstinence-based sex “education”, their kids might well end up believing that the first five times, a boy can’t get a girl pregnant!

      • Jerry

        And to complete the vowel set…syxual.

  • Mark

    obviously, one million moms, after watching, are now all wet.

    • Christopher

      Perish the thought!

  • CatApostrophe

    What a bunch of p-rverted s-xual c-ndoms!

  • Ernest Endevor

    ‘Tiny swim trunks’? Color me disappointed.

    • Dramphooey

      Apparently these real Americans have never seen any Canadians or Europeans at a beach.

      • Ernest Endevor

        Or me.

        • Mister Don

          Pic, or it didn’t happen!

          • Ernest Endevor

            I’m looking. It was during my gym god phase.

      • Mihangel apYrs

        have you ever seen synchronised swooning? That would be result of them seeing hunky guys in budgie-smugglers

    • boatboy_srq

      These are the same people who complain about the hijab. Worth remembering that modesty is strictly an Xtian “virtue.”

      • IamM

        No matter what you wear there’ll be Christians criticizing it from both sides, and especially so if you’re a woman.

        • Because it gets the moms hot.
          The kids arent even watching.
          Boring mom is so frustrated.
          Sad.

    • ChrisMorley

      I trust none of the IMM were watching the Olympics, because GB bronze divers Tom Daley and Daniel Goodfellow sported proper tiny trunks. http://65.media.tumblr.com/1352baa8e0a17cd52e03838575774590/tumblr_oblw8cYWzx1s2dh77o1_500.jpg

  • Michael Smith

    “p-rverted”
    Oh for fuck’s sake. They can’t even write out perverted? This has to be a very sophisticated prank, right? Nobody is that uptight.

    • Gustav2

      Yes, they are.

    • Friday

      Since ‘One Million Moms’ are mostly old men pretending to be old puritanical harridans, yes and no. 🙂

  • Treant

    Neither’s a particularly good ad, but neither are worth boycotts and condemnation, either.

  • Atomicrob

    The Million Moms need to start a quilting bee . . . frustrated housewives making fools of themselves . . .

    • nocadrummer

      Crocheting. They’ve got a good start with their p-nties all in a kn-t. :O

  • boatboy_srq

    1) Sex in advertising. Whodathunk.

    2) One Dozen Moms’ knickers in a twist. Isn’t that just Monday?

    • Beagle

      …or Tuesday, or Wednesday, or….

  • Will Parkinson

    He looks a tad older than teenager. But then again, I guess that won’t work them into a froth otherwise.

  • SunsetGay

    Hey One Million Moms! Since you prefer women stay in the kitchen, make yourselves useful and bake us one million cupcakes!

  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    So ONE (million) Mom(s),

    You are saying that your children will understand that ‘creamy’ is a double entendre for ejaculate?

    You are saying that your children will understand that “spanking” is a double entrendre for masturbation?

    I think child protective services needs to investigate the families of these moms.

    • nocadrummer

      I wasn’t thinking of “spanking” as masturbation.
      (More like something flagged with a fuchsia hankie.)

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        I had a friend who constantly talked about images or thoughts he’d file away in his “spank bank”. But of course, you’re right too. Regardless of interpretation any child who understand the sexual connotation of the word spank or spanking should clearly have his family investigated.

        • Strepsi

          Yeah, it’s def a straight-guy fantasy of spanking the ass of a woman he’s dominating and fucking, he says “Say my name you naughty little––” [bitch]

          • Skokieguy [Larry]

            No, he really meant spank as in masturbate. “Spank the monkey” “Spank bank” he did not mean it as slapping the buttocks – even if that’s a more common meaning. And he is a gay man.

    • Todd20036

      That pool boy was no teenager. 23 maybe.

      • Rambie

        I’d still hire him to clean my pool. 😉

        • KCMC

          have no pool, but would be happy to clean him over.
          Polish and buff.

          • Rambie

            I don’t have a pool either. One doesn’t need to have a pool to have a pool boy. 😉

        • Todd20036

          Oh I agree. I’m just commenting on OMM’s criticism of the commercial.

      • IamM

        Worse, those swim trunks were not tiny.

      • teedofftaxpayer

        As usual the pool boy is HOT.

    • Frostbite

      Feel sorry for those poor kids.

    • Acronym Jim

      Spanking is a double-entendre for masturbation?

      I’m so embarrassed; I’ve mastered the wrong technique.

      • jsmukg

        Fear not. it’s spanking the *monkey* which refers to self-abuse.
        Now, about that technique….

    • Strepsi

      The moms know… that’s why they detail these commercials and movies in such loving, panty-moistening detail. They practically devour them!

      • Skokieguy [Larry]

        Yup, and Kraft knows exactly what they are doing. No right wing prude is going to fast-forward through this commercial. And while they harrumph in high dudgeon, Is probably getting 10 x the views because of the ‘outrage’. Kraft is now on their minds as is delicious, creamy mac ‘n cheese.

    • Lane

      I don’t think “spanking” was a euphemism for masturbation here. It was a actual spanking but with overt sexual overtones.

      Maybe OMM is worried that kids will learn that spanking isn’t always a punishment and they’ll have to explain why they like it in the bedroom when daddy does it to mommy?

  • AtticusP

    My G-d these people are f-cking assh-les!

    • pch1013

      They just need to fork off already!

    • (((GC)))

      You mean they’re DOING the BUTTS-X?!?!!!!?!1!!~!!!~!!11!!!!!eleven!

  • Elsewhere1010

    By “s-exual innuendo” they mean “f-cking in the a**”, right?

    • Dramphooey

      When I talk about fucking I always bowdlerize the word “s-x” because I’m a demure, sweet thing.

      • pj

        thats not what he said

      • Elsewhere1010

        Me too! When I drop my lace hankie (which is real lace, btw) and they bend over to pick it up, I look them squarely in their innuendo. And they never catch me doing it! Unfortunately.

    • Chucktech

      Dear LORD, no! By “s-exual innuendo” they mean showing a little too much ankle.

      • Christopher

        Seeing the actual knee makes them faint.

  • Reality.Bites

    Interestingly, these dinners are aimed at men aged 25-35. They come in at 700 calories or more, which is much higher than traditional single-serving frozen dinners.

    • lattebud

      Takes many calories to be creamy and naughty

      • Reality.Bites

        I just looked at the nutritional profile and they are pretty naughty indeed. They aren’t overly generous with the protein, but instead give big hits of carbs and fats.

        • clay

          They prefer cuddling over forking?

          • Miji

            You mean spooning?

    • GayOldLady

      You’re right. I’ve seen the commercials and their target audience is men.

      • Reality.Bites

        And straight men, at that. They’re “bro-zen dinners.”

        • Christopher

          “bro-zen dinners”

          Hey Kraft, I think we have your new marketing campaign!

          • Reality.Bites

            Beats the current one of “Food so good you’ll want to fork it, which is fortunate because if you eat it no one’s gonna be forking you.”

      • Lumpy Gaga

        How do I handle a hungry man?

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    I so love Christians and Conservatives, the sheer terror they experience whenever the subject of sex or, in this case, mere innuendo is proffered. Too funny.

    • GayOldLady

      “the sheer terror they experience whenever the subject of sex or”

      Yeah, because they became 1million mom’s by having no sex at all.

      • nocadrummer

        Or let the maid do it for them. Just like everything else.

    • Robincho

      I thought innuendo was where sex was supposed to go! Silly me…

      • (((GC)))

        Some folks (straight, bi, gay…) do like it that way!

  • Dramphooey

    I guess if you’re sixty years old some guy in his twenties might resemble a teenager. Or you’re just a liar trying to make something seem more lurid that it is.

    • Chuck in NYC

      Uh, I promise you this guy in his 60s can tell the difference between a teenager and some guy in his 20s. But enough about me… 🙂

  • Michael Rush
    • Christopher

      !!!

  • mykelb

    To One Million Moms,

    Throw out your television sets if you want to live in the 19th Century. — Modern Homo Sapiens

  • Oikos
    • popebuck1

      Hussy.

      • Acronym Jim

        Masher!

        • popebuck1

          Brazen strumpet!

    • Fifth-and-a-Half Element
    • karmanot

      Well! I nevah!

      • Robincho

        You;ve just invented the national motto of the Virgin Islands!…

    • Joe allows porn on his website?

  • BigRedEO

    I wonder if these “moms” ever protest violence on TV. To me, violence is far worse for children than sex, but I bet they don’t bat an eye over that.

  • popebuck1

    Once again, I’m suspicious the Million Moms are actually just part of some ad agency’s viral marketing team.

    • Oikos

      They are part and parcel of AFA.

      • popebuck1

        That’s just what they WANT you to think. This is all actually just a brilliant PR campaign to bring attention to these “naughty” commercials!

        • Friday

          Frankly, if people weren’t sexually-repressed, sex wouldn’t sell random consumer products. So the Right gets paid coming and going on that.

  • hdtex

    Anything that pisses off “One Million Moms” is A-Okay with me!!!!

  • David F.

    One Million Morons is just jealous – food gets more action than they do.

  • Do Something Nice

    I’m guessing that, in this case, it is one million moist moms.

    Sexual repression is kind of kinky.

    • nocadrummer

      Only if it’s f-rced.

  • Traxley Launderette

    The word is SEXUAL, you stupid biddies.

    And I know that you won’t say it, but you’re also offended that the dude looks like AN ILLEGAL to your ignorant ass.

  • madknits

    I’m not sure about spanking, but there are definitely things I would like to do to the ginger bearded guy in the second commercial that would make the One Dozen Momsters hyphenate most of their words.

  • bambinoitaliano

    One million moms should get off their lazy assess to engage with their children instead of plopping them in front of the televisions.

  • Who would have thought one could wet ones knickers over a microwave meal advert. Marvellous. One Millions Moms = One Million Prudes who have a chastity belt and haven’t had a bonk in many years, if at all. Must be really boring to spend life worrying about this than more important issues of the day.

  • bambinoitaliano

    One million moms should get off their lazy assess to engage with Heir children instead of plopping them in front of the televisions.

  • Rod Steely

    I LOVE these ads. I want to go out and buy some now just to support the company!

  • JustDucky

    She can’t even type the word “sex” so you’ve gotta wonder… Are her kids adopted? Did she use in vitro fertilization? Or maybe they were Kidnapped For Jesus™?

    My money’s on agamogenesis.

    • Chucktech

      You can be damned sure it was missionary position all the way if there was anything resembling sex involved.

      • Herald

        in the dark, partially clothed, and they made sure they did not enjoy it, the poor dears.

  • AnotherJosh

    “Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.” – H.L. Mencken

    • Robincho

      Happy 136th Birthday to the Sage of Baltimore!…

  • pdxuser

    These ads air during the day, when children could be watching! Our soap opera sex scenes should only be interrupted by chaste, wholesome messages.

    • Frostbite

      Children old enough to watch something other than Teletubbies should be in school wouldn’t you think?

      • juanjo54

        Normal children would be but the Million mom mom home schools her kids on good, wholesome programming like the Duggars little soap opera.

  • Hank

    Take it off, take it all off – How quickly they forget!!!! /s

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkpGM_MvZ2Y

    • BearEyes

      that was considered racy back then.

      • Hank

        “The Stripper” is an instrumental composed by David Rose, recorded in 1958 and released four years later. It evinces a jazz influence with especially prominent trombone slides, and evokes the feel of music used to accompany striptease artists.

        Let Me Entertain You
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGHtz9DKqk8

        • BearEyes

          and it’s still a great jazz number.

  • TheManicMechanic

    I’m not one for microwave meals, but I’d try these just to piss off the Christers.

  • Rex

    OMM members are wearing panties that are two sizes too small. They need to loosen up and relax.

    • RoFaWh

      But remember this: undies two sizes too small are sometimes just what the doctor ordered.

      Inspired by looking at too many of the very carefully staged photos on the Gregg Homme website and wondering (a) what size the models are? and (b) what size undies do they wear during their photo shoots?

      I do know that their fave model, Thierry Pepin, is 6’1″. I suspect they model a size or even two below their usual size, so the garments fit very sleekly, though careful adjustment is also part of t he story. Somebody should write a comedy novel on the general theme of spiffy undies and the people who design, model, photograph, and make the things.

      • Rex

        But are they also twisted and in a bunch?

  • tcinsf

    I’m sorry, I just rolled my eyes so hard i hurt myself. Must go have a lie-down.

  • ColdCountry

    What do they have against vowels? Anyway. I though arrogance was not a christian value? ‘Cause to claim to speak for all families is supreme arrogance, imo. And as for:
    “Families will not be able to buy any of their products until they clean up their advertising,” are you fuck*ng (did I do that right?) kidding me?

  • i wish, i really, truly wish, that i had so little going on in my life, such that i could spend all day clenching my vagina about a TV commercial. it’s true. i get pissed about some TV and i’ve even bitched about that here. but wow. this is called “luxury” and “privilege.”

    this morning, i was awakened to a rap song from one of my neighbors. tldr: “i’mma gonna kill you today.” sigh. also, people were shooting other people last night, all night. i have to run downtown and deal with… Evil, today. let’s hope nobody breaks into my house when i am away. that would be nice, yo.

    i want to force my dildo and vibrator on every last one of these Coulters. really, in the mean way. it’s just so unfair. my life goes down the toilet b/c i’m a nice person. and these women? they get to make money off an internet campaign complaining about… nothing. please bring one, just one, of these women to me. drop her off around 12. i want to go all insane clown posse, just once in my life.

    • Friday

      Since most of OMM aren’t actually women, just the usual AFA mouthpieces, they probably more like complaining about anything that makes them think about getting a stiffie or something.

    • The_Wretched

      May the downtown trip go well. I’d like video of your working over the 1MM (one millimeter?). 🙂

  • Natty Enquirer

    Cow^6 is some shriveled biddy with a fax machine, right, kind of like the Catholic League?

  • Matt

    I am so (not) offended! One Dozen Moms needs to get that daisy chain going once and for all, release some of that tension, and move on with their pathetic lives.

  • Marides48

    I suppose they want us to relive the 1950’s TV shows, where married couples in bedroom scenes, are sleeping in twin beds & you never see a toilet.

    • Todd20036

      The Brady Bunch never had a toilet either.
      I think the first series to at least hear a toilet was All in the Family

      • BudClark

        Now that’s just plain silly. Every human and mammal on the planet shits and pisses regularly … or they’re in deep, DEEP trouble!

    • Rex

      No one had sex then.
      Babies were delivered via Stork or found in a cabbage patch.

  • Brian in Valdosta

    Hahahahaha … food you want to fork.

    Well be careful. Cuz spooning often leads to forking. So always use condiments.

  • Christopher

    Given the fact that the average television viewer is subjected to a ridiculous amount of advertising, it’s nice to see that some companies are at least trying to make them entertaining.

    The only thing I find obscene is that we didn’t get a better look at the goods from the first video!

    • Christopher

    • karmanot

      Heck no Joe I accept assorted cheeses as my personal savior.

      • Robincho

        But how cheaply are the cheeses priced?…

        • jefe5084

          Let’s head over to the cheeses shop, to see.

      • (((GC)))

        To be served with the one true and holy “Cheesus Christ” (“Our Grate Lord”) cheese grater!

        (Of course, the Screaming Orange Cheeto wants us to think he’s got religion, with his calls to ban pre-shredded cheese and his slogan “Make America Grate Again”! 🙂

  • pj

    id reshoot the commercial. have the poolboy be super hot and wear tiny speedos. then have the man say the last line to the wife. that should work them up.

  • Mihangel apYrs

    only morons think that they are clever by leaving letters out of words

  • BearEyes

    first off, the commercials are pretty lame.
    Second, 1MM needs to set his vibrator to 10 and get it over with so he can stop minding other people’s business.

    • IamM

      That says it all.

  • Rex

    I saw a commercial over the weekend, It’s for Applegate pre-packaged deli meats. A big body builder dude wearing a cow suit is offering samples in a grocery store. A woman says what she’s buying is all natural, and he responds that what he’s selling must be since there’s a green leaf on the package. The woman stares at his package, which also has a green leaf on it and says “look at that”. Check it out on YouTube. When I saw it I thought, OMM is gonna have a cow.

    • pj

      they cant keep up with all the nasty on the tvs

    • boatboy_srq

      That as is brilliant.

  • kmcdevitt

    These people actually spell “vagina,” as “v*gina,” because your daughters’ body parts are evil. God only knows what they do about the dirty pillows…

    • Chuck in NYC

      It gets expensive throwing sheets away after every night’s seepage stains.

  • Secure

    They dubbed the actors in the creamy spot just like porn.

  • pj

    didnt hear any complaints about the olympic divers etc..during the olympics by the 10 shrews. guess they were too busy baking cookies.

  • James

    Those ads aren’t offensive because they’re sexual, they’re offensive because they’re idiotic and uncreative.

  • popebuck1

    And one more thing – that “pool boy” is NOT a teenager. Way to make it SOUND like kiddie porn, Moms, but nope.

    • Adam King

      It takes a distinctly p*rv*rt*d m*nd to imagine a m*n is really a b*y.

  • Jamie_Johnson

    Maybe our million-pound mom can get together with Bill Donohue and they can save basement office expenses by sharing their fax machine.

    • Adam King

      OMM is BD’s drag name.

  • Traxley Launderette

    I think we need to bring back more modest swimming costumes, like those men wore in the 1920s:

    • abel

      Wow, doesn’t Buster look great here!

      • Robincho

        He was gonna buster, but he didn’t wanna get crabbes,,,

    • Christopher

      Johnny Weissmuller was barely wearing anything at all!

      Might I add…YUM!

    • John P.

      OMG – he’s one hunk!

      • Lumpy Gaga

        He’s dead now.

        • Chuck in NYC

          Buster used to give the vapors to OMM’s grandmothers. And not a few of their grandfathers.

  • barrixines

    M-nica you’d be so much happier if switched that damned TV off for an hour and found some other way to entertain yourself.

    http://static.wixstatic.com/media/1544e0_3cdef40f612145c39573554bde3f2afd.jpg/v1/fill/w_644,h_579,al_c,q_85,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/1544e0_3cdef40f612145c39573554bde3f2afd.jpg

    • The_Wretched

      that might not work for her, she’s missing the o

      • Christopher

        That’s her whole problem!

    • Cackalaquiano

      Is your comment making s-xual innuendo? I’m telling M-nica.

  • Looks like I’ll be trying a couple of these this week. (They showed up in my grocery store recently with no warning or advertising. Thanks, OMM!)

  • Rex

    The commercials are just silly. Problem is, with so much advertisement everywhere it’s difficult to stand out. Everything’s been done. So, since sex sells, even innuendo, they trying to get attention. We’ll see if it works. Even the name Devour sounds suggestive.

  • RoFaWh

    Sex sells, baby!

  • Frostbite

    I’m sorry, but I can’t take anyone seriously if they can’t even type out the word “pervert”. Grow the fork up!

    • Secure

      These moms won’t even spell out the word “sex.” That’s some seriously deranged people.

  • madscntst

    Aren’t these “ladies” tired of always clutching their pearls?

    • Adam King

      They don’t wear pearls–too suggestive. They just clutch their tight, high collars.

  • David

    Also, the dude they claim is a teenager actually looks about 25+.

    This “One Million Moms” person (singular… as in…. it’s probably just one individual), is a serious pervert.

  • NancyP

    Hey, Million Moms – why are you letting your children see more than 1/2 hour of TV on weeknights, 1 hour on weekends? Why aren’t you reading to the young ones? Why aren’t you reading for fun, so your kids have a good role model?

    • Chucktech

      If they are reading to their kids, you know it’s the bible they’re reading. Hardly fun.

  • Mikey

    who ARE these Puritans????
    did a wormhole from Salem suddenly open into our modern world dumping these extreme prudes into it?

    • justme

      Yes..
      They are the Salem _itches…
      Back to annoy us for Halloween…
      Nothing more than terrorists and should be treated as such

  • BobSF_94117

    That pool boy is way, way too beefy, which I doubt can be said of the meal.

  • josephsinger

    Since when is the word sexual a naughty word?

  • Herald

    If they really cared for their families they would be home, in the kitchen making wholesome meals from scratch using farm fresh vegetables, not serving premade frozen or box meals so they can have time to get all worked up over nothing.

  • The_Wretched

    Did they forget to pay Vanna for the vowels?

    • boatboy_srq

      It would be consonant with their parsimonious prudery.

  • Christopher

    This is written in their speak. They can figure it out.

  • Gil

    They’re ok with Pepe the Frog ?

  • Larry in Oklahoma

    Oh, please. Other than some suggestive language, there’s nothing here to object to. And where has One Million Moms been when we had Ultra Brite toothpaste witb “sex appeal.” Yes, that’s what they said. Or how about Enjoli Cologne who borrowed the Maria Muldaur song “I’m A Woman.” Where were they then? Let’s make it clear, sex sells stuff. They’re so vain, they probably think the ads should be about them, they’re so vain.

    • marshlc

      Here in Canada, that ad didn’t say “sex appeal”, instead there was a wolf whistle instead of the word “sex”.

  • WIGuy

    I guess the crazy people home school their children, because you hear much harsher things at school than on a tongue n cheek commercial.

    These old hags need to get out of the house and stop watching so much television.

  • Henry Auvil

    The best thing about One Million Moms is that they’ve probably spawned 2.5 Million Deviant Rebels. Keep up the good work, ladies.

  • Lee Grupsmith

    Oh. My. I really should stop fast forwarding through commercials on the DVR. I’m obviously missing out on some cultural touchstones. Or something.

  • David

    The TRUE identity of “One Million Moms”.

  • Mister Don

    “Too much sex! remember, there’s more to life than getting all dolled up for the opposite sex.”

  • Steve

    The Lunch Room guy and the Pool Boy get called out by 1 Mom, but Carl* gets a pass? I have not seen either the Pool boy or Carl yet, but the Lunch Room plays here often.
    *Carl Brutanana from ‘Aqua Teen Hunger Force’

  • Queequeg

    Must be a strange existence when all you have to do all day is watch commercials looking for “s*xual” references. I think the whole asterisk thing is pretty funny as well. Most people have DVR’s and speed through commercials, but I may have slowed down if I saw the pool boy one.

    • boatboy_srq

      They’re the Peter LaBarbera of commercials.

  • mikeinrkfd

    One million moms (MOL) really need to find a fufilling hobby.

    • Adam King

      They need some vibrators so they can find out what an *rg*sm is.

  • Richard B

    The commercials were funny and catchy.
    The prudish “One Million Moms” is part of the American Family Association” hate group based in the woods of Tupelo, Mississippi. They are just a bunch of ignorant superstitious religious zealots with an overrated opinion of their own self importance and should be ignored.

    • Adam King

      I’m not sure OMM has enough members to qualify as a “bunch.”

      • Beagle

        Well, they ARE bananas.

  • Cackalaquiano

    Ads using s-xual innuendo? I can’t imagine.

    • Adam King

      It’s the first time that ever happened.

  • DaveMiller135

    They’re seriously scared to spell out words like “sex”? This person should not be allowed to raise children. Certainly this press release is an argument in favor of sex education in schools.

    • Jerry

      O-e Mi–ion M-ms has an adolescent, naive view of sex, and she thinks the rest of the country should too.

  • Mike D

    I have never seen these commercials or even heard of “Devour” foods. So thanks to the Moms I have now. Well done Kraft Heinz for letting the moms publicize your products for you.

  • Sean Taylor

    they can’t spell out sexual? really?

    • Adam King

      They need to buy a space ship and just get off the planet altogether.

  • Mark Neé Fuzz

    Anything that pisses off OMM works for me. Maybe next time they can have him pull those great big boxer style trunks down and do the helicopter move.

    • IamM

      Seriously. It was like “we want the model to wear something with a satiny sheen, but from the fifties”.

  • Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha*gasps*aaaaaaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  • Adam King

    Good commercials. Now I want to buy a Devour just to see what they’re like.

    • Ben in Oakland

      Too much salt, too much sugar, too much fat, too much articificial shit.

      Now you don’t have to taste it.

      • Adam King

        Yum.

  • Jim in TO

    They can’t even use the word “sex”? A very sad group of people at OMM.

  • Ta-er al-Asfer

    “s-xual”

    They’re too scandalized to even use the full word.

    • Adam King

      They never had anything resembling s-x except for that one time they made the b-by. The turkey baster had to actually touch them down there!

  • John P.

    OKAY,,, I’ll take the pool boy!

  • boatboy_srq

    One reason American English is such a mess is that too many prudes decide Term X is (somehow) offensive, which leads to use of Term Y as a euphemism for Term X, which makes the same prudes complain about the offensiveness of Term Y because it IMPLIES Term X…. ad infinitum ad absurdum. Sooner or later One Dozen Moms will be unable to voice their complaints because “shameful”, “disgusting”, “offensive”, “sleazy” and “indecent” will have unique connotations of their own that ODM won’t condone either.

    • Adam King

      For example, euphemism is the only reason we have the word “rooster.”

      • Reality.Bites

        I’m against euphemism. Only God can decide when to end a life.

        • (((GC)))

          So cancer, deadly car accidents, murderers, wars, and tobacco company executives are all part of God’s mysterious plan? (Funny how it’s indistinguishable from no god and no plan!)

      • (((GC)))

        A nice online etymology dictionary, mapping the “wheel-ruts” of the English language, where words came from and how they sounded hundreds of years ago: http://www.etymonline.com

        Seen on a button:
        “It really bugs me when I forget the entomology of a word.”

  • Jon Doh

    Reminded me to check for the new season premier date of Impastor, which is Wednesday 9/28 at 10:30, 9:30 central on TVLAND.

  • safari

    We’re bleeping the word sex now? This is where we are at?

    • boatboy_srq

      I’m waiting for them to bleep “the”, “word”, and “now.”

  • Dear 1MM: GO FUCK YOURSELVES. I mean literally. Go buy a goddamned vibrator and use it, because it’s obvious YOU NEED AN ORGASM.

  • roadtripboy

    The ads are stupid. But Kraft/Heniz wants to waste their money on bad ads, go ahead. As for the 1/2 dozen Moms, the balance sheets must be running low again. “Quick, find me something we can pretend to care about. There’s not enough money for my spa trip.”

    • Rebecca Gardner

      Really? I fuckin’ love when he spanks his lunch and then his co-worker goes Nice! The other is even better, so creamy! yeah!

      Different strokes for different folks I guess.

  • Ben in Oakland

    S-exual? P-rverted?

    F-cking st-pid.

  • Lumpy Gaga

    Re: Lunch spank video:

    I’ll be what he’s having.

  • IamM

    Seems a little odd for a group calling itself One Million Moms to be telling it’s members how parents feel about things. Backwards even. And offending families? Like en masse? Sure Jan.

  • KQCA

    It’s not an appetizing promotion, which means it is meant to achieve its goal by stirring up conversation about the product. Mission accomplished. The conservative puppets are animating themselves on this one. Let the homo-haters promote the product for you. Well done, Kraft-Heinz.

  • David Milley

    Their delicate sensitivities, which can’t abide the word “sexual” have no problem transcribing, in lascivious, loving detail, the very parts of the script to which they object. “… oh yeah, so creamy, so creamy, creamy cream, oh yeah, oh yeah,” indeed!

  • Acronym Jim

    Dear One Miffed Mom:

    SEXual innuendo was created, in part, so that adult jokes wouldn’t offend tiny ears. You got nothin’ to worry about here.

    • (((GC)))

      More precisely: sexual innuendo was created, in part, so that parents wouldn’t have to face “awkward” questions like “Mommy, what does ‘fuck’ mean?”

  • Kyle Deetz

    this is the first post about omm i’ve read in a while.

    i love that they won’t even spell out sex. they must have to go to extraordinary lengths to avoid the evil of this world.

  • justmeeeee

    They can’t spell the word “sex?” HAHAHAHA

  • Tigernan Quinn

    They can’t even say the word SEX. SEX. SEXY. SEXUAL. For crying out loud.

  • cheakamus

    I can almost sympathize with OMM on this one: while I like cum in general, I really don’t want it in my food.

  • karmanot

    One million douche bags find a sour note. Yawn……..NEXT!

  • Nic Peterson

    Dear Monica,

    Godly women shouldn’t be sitting in front of the tele all day getting their panties all knotted up over advertising content for products that their husbands would never allow them to purchase in the first place. You should hurry back to the kitchen and re-dedicate yourself to the godly work of cooking, cleaning and being a ‘help meet’, what ever the fuck that is.

    Have fun!

  • Gregory Peterson

    Having a dirty mind, I like the commercials. Giggidy giggidy.

    Didn’t much care for the ‘Devour’ lunches that I bought on sale, though. The “Pulled Chicken Burrito Bowl” didn’t even make sense, as it’s not actually a burrito, though the package does say that it’s a “delicious burrito filling without the tortilla.” Of course, without the tortilla, it’s not even burrito filling as there are not tortillas with the lunch for a do it yourself burrito.

    I would have named it: “Pulled Chicken Southwestern Style” or something.

    Without being wrapped in a tortilla, it’s just a bowl of very unappetizing looking, not all that delicious peppery gunk.

    For the second package (it was a two-fer and I’m too cheap to throw it out), I wrapped the gunk in a tortilla and make an actual burrito, which was more satisfying if for no other reason than you didn’t have to look at it while you were eating it.

  • Gerry Fisher

    If you can’t say/spell “sexual” and “perverted,” you aren’t emotionally mature, yet, to enter the conversation.

    • BudClark

      much less HAVE “s-x”

  • sfjohn

    OMM have dirty, dirty minds

    • I’m used to one of my friends whose father is an orthodox rabbi (my friend wears a rainbow yarmulke) writing “g*d,” but I’ve been trying to figure out the particular pathological compulsion of OMM to change “condom” to “c-ndom” and “sex” to “s-x.” Is there some compilation of their torture of the English language?

      • (((GC)))

        OMM unwittingly hit on a truth: condoms and sex are sacred!

        • one of my friends mentioned “You can’t spell happiness without penis lol”

  • John Calendo

    Oh, no! Not s-x! Not p-rversion!
    Would someone please, for G-d’s sake, think about the ch-ldren!

  • Tor

    “FoodYouWantToFork”
    This p-rvert loves it!

  • Bj Lincoln

    It’s sad they have nothing to do but get wet from a sexy ad for food. These women are sexually frustrated if this gets them flustered. If their kids understand ANY of this outside being for food, something is VERY wrong. Sounds like the dads are more interested in the kids than the wives.

  • Lane

    I don’t like the pool boy ad. He clearly shaves his chest, there’s only a very quick long shot of his whole body, he never looks up so you can’t see his eyes _at all_ and more importantly, he swallowed the damn “suiza” by saying “enchiladas suiss–are so…” instead of enunciating “enchiladas suiza / are so….”, which REALLY pissed me off.

    Also the not seeing his eyes thing.

  • teedofftaxpayer

    ONE MILLION MOMS? I thought the old biddy died. They’re a bunch of the NOM and other anti gay groups who hide under the disguise of a Million Mom. Betcha there not even a mom in the group.

  • ColoMtnWoman

    Wow…The “3,000-Moms-Rounded-Up-To-The-Nearest-Million” are upset–again? I must be sure to add this product to my shopping list, and buy several today….

  • One Million Moms LOL

  • LarryChemEngr

    Go fork yourself, One Million Moms.

  • alex

    And they didn’t mention the “pearl necklace”?

  • BudClark

    Advice for Dozens of Flapping Labias:

    1. Gather up all your dildos and vibrators.

    2. Take them to your local Shop ‘N’ Rob or sex emporium.

    3. Have them fitted with batteries, and/or chargers and/or converters.

    4. Buy some high-quality water-soluble lube.

    5. Go home, close the curtains, take the phone off the hook, get nekkid, and relieve some of that damn sex tension you’re forever taking out on US.

    MASTURBATION IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL, no matter what the Pope says (chuckle).

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    Because ads should never be creative and only show the product and a voice saying buy me. I’m assuming they pine for the good old days with ads like the following

    https://youtu.be/Zs-P_u7taMI

    • anne marie in philly

      my, what a racist commercial. but then again, the redumblicans are racists, so they would probably like this ad.

  • anne marie in philly

    STFU, one miserable mom! if ya don’t like the ads, don’t watch tv. period. bitch.

  • ECarpenter

    How is it possible that these pure Christian women, who work so very hard to have as little to do with s-x as possible, nevertheless understand exactly what the innuendo’s about? If they were as pure as they pretend to be (pure like commercial lard is pure, of course) shouldn’t all of this go right over their heads?

    I’m convinced that Million Moms is a not-very-smart fundamentalist guy living in his aged parents’ basement, with nothing better to do.

  • Bob M

    I had a typewriter in college that would miss letters once in a while, I guess they have one that drops E some of the time…

  • Gates Ortt

    Oh please kids see and hear much worse watching a Mylie Cyrus video/.