Ex-Gay Nutjob: Satan Made Your Child Gay

The relentlessly vicious Christian site Charisma News has published a primer of sorts for parents whose children have come out. The first thing to do, ex-gay lunatic David Kyle Foster notes, is to blame Satan. He writes:

Despite what the media and all of the pride parades might have you think, no one wants to be gay! Your child did not choose to have same-sex attractions. Your children are not the enemyโ€”Satan is (Eph. 6:10-12; 1 Pet. 5:8).

Parents sometimes get mad at God for letting it happen, or the child for doing whatever they imagine he or she has done to create the attractions. Such first reactions are understandable, but without reason, and should be confessed and put away. (Ephesians 4:26: “Be angry, and do not sin.”) Focus your anger at sin and Satan rather than at your child.

Yes, some parents don’t believe their child and actually try to talk them out of being homosexually oriented. I will say, however, that because of the cultural atmosphere that praises homosexuality, some highly impressionable kids do imagine themselves to be gay in order to gain acceptance, but studies indicate that that phenomena vanishes away for most by the time they are 17, if not sooner.

  • WeRTheSquirrels

    But he had CANDY! How could I say no?

    • Joe in PA

      And by “CANDY”, you mean….

    • And those dreamy eyes!

    • WNY
      • Good Shot Green

        It’s a car wash, ladies and gentlemen!”

        • Jeffrey

          That’s possibly my favorite line in the show, next to “I just walked away, ladies and gentlemen. Just walked away.”

          • Good Shot Green

            I love the reveal when she turns around and shows the splotch of red paint on Aunt Trudy’s fur coat.

            So many lines I love.

            They threw tomatoes – I had a nice salad.
            From this milkless tit you suck the very business we call show!
            Give it up! Kwang Yi! Give it up, Kwang.

            I’ve been talking with Phil Collins’ people. But then again, aren’t we all?

            I could go on. It’s my favorite movie!

        • perversatile
          • Good Shot Green

            What is this with H. Jon Benjamin, the sexiest voice in animation?

          • perversatile

            Lucy Daughter of the Devil

  • Mark

    Oh! Just blame satan – but the bottom line is that it is still a sin….it’s wrong…it’s not right. Fuck you asshole.

  • Kevin Perez

    If only I were seventeen again (knowing what I know now)..

  • Marides48

    gay gay GAY!

  • Joe in PA

    but studies indicate…. Bwahahahahaha.

    • DaddyRay

      Buy-Bull Study doesn’t count as scientific fact

  • JT

    He used to be a hustler. Now he’s found something else to hustle.

    • DaddyRay

      So he is still a hustler

      • David F.

        Just more clients now.

        • Goodboy

          Preaching to the Quire.

    • Why does it seem like all these ex-gay spokespeople (perhaps not a representative of ex-gays overall but of the ones they put out in the media) are the types that cruised men’s rooms in the malls or did a lot of drugs and had other issues that make me think they had other problems besides their sexuality.

  • shellback

    Thank you, Satan.

  • BearEyes

    vanishes by 17, huh?
    Sounds like he’s conflating being gay with pubescent horniness/experimentation.

    • uh, that didn’t disappear by 17 either..

      • Treant

        Hell, that hasn’t disappeared by 47.

        • Surely not by 38. I’m glad to hear I at least have 9 good years left. Lol ๐Ÿ™‚

          • David F.

            I’m 53, so that gives you 15 at least.

        • DaddyRay

          It’s just a phase – I hope my phase lasts for 100 years

          • Smokey

            I’m 60 and haven’t grown out of it yet.

        • Michael White

          Try 65

        • agcons

          Or 57, but whose counting?

      • AnotherJosh

        I felt like I got a second wind when I finally came out to myself at 25. It’s only been four years since, but the wind hasn’t died down yet… ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

      • Todd20036

        I was actually “straight” before I discovered I was gay. But I doubt that idea is lost on them

    • Javier Smith

      They simply consider us ‘misbehaving heterosexuals’. The concept that our orientation is just as real and valid as theirs conflicts with their world view too much for them to accept.

      • AnotherJosh

        “Straight people with a homosexual problem,” as if I recall correctly, Nicolosi likes to say. But then we’ve all been aware for basically forever that aligning beliefs with facts is not a strong suit of this group (of which the RNC circus is only the latest example).

  • skyweaver

    The mean daddy in the ground is about as effective as the daddy in the sky – neither one of them actually exists except to further whatever agenda you morons want to press.

  • JT
    • Sk3ptic

      YES!!!

      • Gene

        I hope she says it more and more.

        • Alicetwalden

          <<o. โ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…::::::!fn230m:….,….

        • Jenniferrcastillo2

          <<o. โ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…โœซโ˜…โ˜…::::::!fn646m:….,……

    • Bluto

      It’s damn depressing that anyone ever needs to make that declaration, much less a presidential candidate.

      • JT

        Yes. But the way she said it was hilarious, with a laugh of incredulity at having to say it and derision for those who need to be told.

    • Michael Rush

      Satan Made Your Child Gay

      OK now explain HOW he did that .

      • Steverino

        “Get thee behind me, Satan…”

        • The_Wretched

          “Ok, now line it up.”

        • Jeffrey

          And it wasn’t the worst time I’ve ever had.

        • Bryan

          OOOO, is this the part Squidbillies told me about? Where when I only see one set of footsteps it’s really because he’s behind me?

      • Nic Peterson

        The fallen angel is sitting across from me, enjoying a latte. He is quite emphatic about not being responsible for the whole gay thing. Says it’s something his dad does, why do I always get the ones with daddy issues?

        Now what, kicked out of heaven? Oh Jesus. Sorry that was insensitive. Get thee behind me again. But reverse cowboy this time, mkay…

    • swimboy

      Y’know, this statement kinda pisses me off. Nobody needs to “believe” in science. It doesn’t require faith to accept science, it requires knowledge. This is the entire reason that we end up with Intelligent Design in science classes. Religious people see science as just another belief system, and one that contradicts their beliefs and therefore must be confronted and destroyed.

      Science exists wether you believe in it or not. It doesn’t require faith to exist. It can be independently verified. If you believe in science, you don’t understand it, and are just taking it on faith. Science is so much more than that.

      It’s kind of like if God really did exist, and you could go visit him if you wanted, but you choose not to, and merely have faith that he’s really there.

      • JT

        We know that. She knows that. That’s why the way she said it, laughing sarcastically, was so good.

        • swimboy

          Thanks for clarifying. I didn’t get a chance to watch last night. ๐Ÿ™

          In case you couldn’t figure it out, it’s one of my pet peeves.

          • JT

            No problem. But do watch it. It was a great speech and that moment dramatically represented how pitch perfect it was. It was hilarious.

      • In terms of science you are correct. In terms of politics, we have a party that official rejects science on a whole range of issues, so yes it’s important that we elect a president that trusts science and the scientific method to understand the world because there are plenty of people in elected offices in our country that do not.

      • โ€œSome claim evolution is just a theory. As if it were merely an opinion. The theory of evolution, like the theory of gravity, is a scientific fact. Evolution really happened. Accepting our kinship with all life on Earth is not only solid science. In my view, itโ€™s also a soaring spiritual experience.โ€
        Neil deGrasse Tyson

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      Satanic Science !

      Sad!!

      • JT

        Sadz coming in from christofascists.

    • Jeffrey

      I literally yelled at the tv last night “I can’t fucking believe in 2016 we have to say this!”

  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    Well if Satan makes gay people (and I assume rapist priests), and god is unable to prevent it, then Satan is clearly more powerful than god, right?

    Maybe David, you’re worshiping the wrong fairy-tail sky-daddy?

  • yep, it’s Satan.

  • AtticusP

    Oh, good: Sister Mary David Kyle Foster explains it all to us.

  • Ernest Endevor

    Hey! I happen to be married to Satan and he’s a pussycat.

  • Michael Rush

    Well you can’t prove that Satan DIDN’T make your child gay , so I guess they have us this time . WELL PLAYED !

  • Well, he does have three mouths, after all (“Hey Satan! You’ve got some butt stuck in your teeth!”)

    https://flavorwire.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/satan-consuming-judas-from-dantes-inferno.jpg

    • billbear1961

      He cheweth perpetually upon Judas, Brutus and Cassius!

      • “Om nom nom nom.”

        • billbear1961

          lol

  • JaniceInToronto

    The article missed his background. He was dropped from a 2nd story window onto his head while still a child.

    He never recovered.

  • Larry in Oklahoma

    Poor David! He’s delusional enough to think he is an EX-gay. No, David is a gay man that simply chooses not to be one. David should be telling parents to LOVE their kid. His ignorant rhetoric that kids grow out of it by the age of 17 is based on what study? Nowhere does he endorse parents accepting their child as they are. If a parent can’t accept the child’s sexuality, can the parent accept that the child is short or tall, small or large, the color of their hair and other things about them? They should. It’s the CHRISTIAN thing to do.

    • Not being one? yeah right.

      Caught on a gay dating app cruising for sex or other scandal in 5….4….3….2…..

  • Sam_Handwich

    maybe we can chip in and send Satan a fruit basket

  • Treant

    Interestingly, that means that, in his world, being gay cannot be a reason to dislike or discriminate against somebody. It’s not their fault, after all, it was imposed on them.

    It’s another example of these people not thinking this stuff through to its logical conclusions.

    Also, Satan is a built otter. Chuck Norris would go gay for him, is it any surprise that I did?

  • E. Litella

    I always found Saturn to be the fiercest planet when I was a kid, but I don’t know that it made me gay. So this man is quite silly.

    • agcons

      We see what you did there.

  • DaddyRay

    And he knows this because he has talked with Satan

    • billbear1961

      hourly

  • Dreaming Vertebrate

    Go Satan!

  • lymis

    Idiot also ignores the fact that the reason that so many young gay kids “don’t want to be gay” isn’t because there’s anything inherently wrong with being gay, but because they aren’t stupid, and it’s transparently obvious to anyone that in our society, being gay is a hell of a lot harder than being straight.

    Who wants their life harder? Who wants something for themselves that they can see that a huge percentage of other people are going to harass and discriminate against them for? For those raised in religious homes, who wants to combine all the challenges of puberty, first love, and early sexual explorations to come with the price tag of being hated by everyone they’ve been told are supposed to love and support them?

    If “Satan” is involved, it’s in the hearts and minds of those who hate gay people and see gay sexuality as “a problem” or “a sin” or “an abomination,” not in the minds and hearts of those who find themselves to be gay.

    I “didn’t want to be gay.” But now, I wouldn’t change it for anything – because I got over the idea that anyone else got a vote in it, and it’s a continual source of joy, love, and connection for me. I wasn’t given the option at the time of loving myself for who I happened to be.

    Now I realize that what I “didn’t want” wasn’t the “being gay” part – it was always, and continues to be the “these assholes won’t shut up about it and let me just get on with my life” part of it.

    Has ANYONE ever met an ex-gay person who seems remotely happy?

    • I recently ran across the last ex gay person I knew on Facebook (actually, he came out to his parents, they flipped out, told him he had to cut all ties with anyone gay, my friendship included). Well, surprise surprise… He’s now living in San Francisco with his really hot partner. Ok, so I disgress, it’s not really an ex gay story. But whatevs.

      • BobSF_94117

        Focus!

        ๐Ÿ™‚

      • AnotherJosh

        That sounds about like 65% of ex-gay stories (ok, I made that percentage up, but stick with me). Then there are the 30% that end up in self-hatred and suicidal ideation (and hopefully get therapy so they end up in the first 60% rather than an early grave). And finally, the 5% – like the asshole quoted in the article – who figure out that they can milk their self-loathing for cash, other people’s feelings be damned!

        • My guess would be higher, but it would be interesting to know. For obvious reasons none of the ex-gay groups will allow any follow-up stories to see what their long-term effects are.

          • AnotherJosh

            Oh, yeah. I was just making up numbers to illustrate the point. I think it’s safe to say that approximately 0% of people have had their orientation changed by bogus orientation change methods. Some percentage higher than 0% identify as ex-gay*, probably either because grifting, or because they’re in a codependent relationship with a hateful, bigoted religious community that can’t accept them as they are (and there are still plenty of fundagelical churches that won’t even tolerate “celibate gay Christians”).

            * I’ve always wondered, if the sexual orientation change efforts (I won’t dignify them by calling them therapies) really made people straight, why don’t they just call themselves that?

          • If ex-gay therapy worked, they’d have evidence to show that. They’d have thousands of success stories. Instead what we see are support groups for the survivors of ex-gay ministries and even high profile ex-gay leaders who have publicly admitted that it didn’t work and they were lying the entire time.

          • AnotherJosh

            All of their “success stories” claim that they’ve “left the homosexual lifestyle” and they’re “no longer gay” (which is carefully defined to mean “participating in the homosexual lifestyle”). So they totally still want the penis … or vagina, as the case may be, but choose to engage in carefully choreographed linguistic gymnastics to make gullible conservative evangelical Christians think that they’re totes straight now. And as you point out, this life of deception and self-shaming takes its toll, with many of them ending up in survivors groups and a lifetime of therapy to undo the damage.

      • Hue-Man

        It’s an ex ex-gay story.

        • Matt

          At least those ex-ex stories usually have happy endings. Or happiER, anyway. None of those ex-gays are actually happy, no matter what they say. If you are not living as the person you ARE, you are living a lie. Period.

    • Brian

      “Has ANYONE ever met an ex-gay person who seems remotely happy?”

      I have. He was medicated to within an inch of his life, but he sure was happy about it!

      • CatApostrophe

        The misery of refusing to accept and love yourself is gonna creep out one way or another. Meds, drugs, abusive or loveless relationships. Just plain loneliness. I don’t think there’s any getting around it without genuine honesty.

    • paganguy

      Self-righteous? Yes. Happy? No.

      • Todd20036

        Another way to put it is, did any of the ex-gays grow up in accepting house holds where the parents didn’t judge the child for being gay?

        My guess is all the “ex-gays” tried to turn straight to please other people – parents, priests, peers, etc.

        Plus they had to be gullible enough to accept the malarkey that you can change your orientation, even though I have yet to see a straight person turn gay

        • I knew several guys in my early 20s who did the ex-gay thing for awhile. They weren’t all alike but mostly they were unhappy overall and someone met them and convinced them that all their unhappiness was from being gay. I think they eventually figured out that the ex-gay people were full of shit. And the ones I still keep in touch with seem pretty well adjusted and fully gay now.

          I do know some guys who married right out of college who are gay and some are now divorced and out and some are still married. I see them at reunions and they look miserable and their wives obviously have them on short leashes. (And based on rumors from back in college I have a good idea why.)

    • NancyP

      They may also think, “I don’t want these people as my parents any more”.

    • Randy

      All kids and adolescents WANT to fit in, to belong. Of course when you are old enough to recognize the majority of the world is straight and everyone has a role to play in being straight and the culture supports you and recognizes you at every turn for being straight, it’s hard when it dawns that you are standing on the outside of something, that you don’t fit. It’s not that you don’t want to be gay, you don’t want to be an outcast. It’s not the same thing, and maturity can help fix it.

    • Gay was not what I wanted to be but I was before I knew what it was.

      There are positive role models and support now but when I was a kid there was NONE. The depictions of gay people on tv, when there were any were either negative or pathetic victims of violent crimes (often murder). There was zero positive enforcement for being gay and tons of negative everywhere and yet I was gay anyway. And yet there are millions of men and women my age who are gay anyway.

    • CatApostrophe

      Well said!

    • Goodboy

      ..or an athiest ex gay. Why does it always require one part insanity? Oh that’s right.

  • Sam_Handwich

    I was 14 years old. He told me his name was “Todd”. I feel betrayed.

    • MB

      Yep, then Satan stepped out on Saddam again with “Chris” – Satan is a slut.
      If only his parents had just talked him out of being gay ?

  • OdieDenCO

    Get thee behind me.

    • Sam_Handwich

    • Christopher

      “Jesus, are you dressing in Satan drag again?”

    • Todd20036

      Gladly….

  • Djurisk

  • Brian

    All those muscles and that big, uh, horn? Yea, Satan lured me in and kept me comin’ back for more! Mmm Mmm Mmm!

  • Ninja0980

    My ex was close to Satan but he didn’t make me gay.

  • BobSF_94117

    I don’t have time to watch this, no doubt, riveting personal saga, but I assume it ends with “send money”…

  • Michael White

    My husband and I were talking the other day about how we could not imagine. Straight life. We seem to enjoy life so much more easily than our neighbors. We have lived in our neighborhood for 10 years and neighbors still comment how much we laugh together when we are outside working in our yard work or sitting on our patio.

  • chris james

    At 17…hell, that was when I just started enjoying the discovery that I was gay. In my world there is no Satan, just Christians who make up these fantasies to scare their children.

  • Oh’behr

    Well, I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt.

    I think he meant to say Santa since so many Christians hate Santa
    for stealing Jesus’ reason for the season.

  • Richard Rush

    Thank you, Satan, for giving me the gift of gayness, and steering me away from the stranglehold of preposterous Christian beliefs.

    • Oh’behr

      And thankfully we didn’t end up listening to AM radio and believing in the rapture and all the macho ‘Murican stuff.

  • Buford

    “Parents sometimes get mad at God for letting it happen, or the child for doing whatever they imagine he or she has done to create the attractions. Such first reactions are understandable, but without reason, and should be confessed and put away. Focus your anger at sin and Satan rather than at your child”.

    OR… how about you just acknowledge that God made your child gay, love your child, and together you just live long, full, happy lives ignoring self-serving assholes who tell you who to hate and what to fear…?

  • Oh’behr

    Sigh, he’s projecting after watching porn again.

    • Oh’behr

      PS … he’s sad that Satan still is not a Lesbian.

      • Friday

        Wait a minute, is she attacking with a clarinet?

        • Everyone knows that single reed instruments are of the Devil!!!

  • Uncle Mark

    Yep…Satin made me gay…so soft, so smooth, so shiny…the way it hangs off me.
    Oh…you mean Satan…nevermind.

    • AnotherJosh

      Hail Satin!

  • billbear1961

    It is incredible that these SORCERERS can peddle this delusional SHIT, an offense to reason and decency, in the 21st century, and that the LGBT kids of Christer parents can then, in MOST places in this BACKWARDS country, be subjected to the psychological and physical ABUSE of TORTURE “therapy” to “cure them” or “drive the devil out.”

    This isn’t permitted in a civilized country. It isn’t permitted in Canada (there was a province shocked to discover they hadn’t taken measures to prevent it, and that oversight has since been corrected).

    If the neo-fascists win the election in November, it won’t be long before new “justices” appointed by their fellow GANGSTERS forbid ANY interference with these EVIL practices anywhere in the country.

    That the loss of an election in a genuine democracy could lead to such mindless and willful DEPRAVITY and to other CRIMES against people’s RIGHTS, to all-out assaults on reason and the civilized DECENCY and protections one has a right to expect and DEMAND in a modern democratic society, is a JUDGMENT ON THIS NATION.

    The people of any democracy who tolerate it for any reason–for ANY reason–cannot be said to be FREE.

    And those who willingly bow down to it are guilty of GROSS indecency.

    To tell a child that he or she is the victim of SATAN because they’re gay–OUTRAGEOUS!!

    • Christopher

      I couldn’t agree more!

      • Todd20036

        Mathematics, meteorology…

    • Clive Johnson

      We live with what should be considered a rather astounding level of cultural and political primitiveness in the U.S. We fall prey to status quo bias and lose sight of where we should be if reason and humanistic ethics were the expectation and not the exception.

  • boatboy_srq

    “Some…kids do imagine themselves to be gay in order to gain acceptance…”

    Wut. Da. Fuq.

    What environment on the ENTIRE PLANET is LGBT-positive enough for kids to WANT to be gay?

    • Reality.Bites
      • AnotherJosh

        Well now, there’s the exception that proves the rule. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • boatboy_srq

        OK, so there’s ONE locale.

        • Reality.Bites

          You’d be amazed how many theatre camps for kids there are, at least judging by all the images I had to choose from on google.

          They must be very popular with Christian parents. No teen pregnancies and the boys are super helpful in respecting girls’ purity pledges.

          • boatboy_srq

            Wait. You’re actually DEFENDING this arsehole’s asinine assertion?

          • Reality.Bites

            Not in the least.

          • To quote Kathy Griffin, “I used to have a boyfriend in high school who wore a purity ring. He was saving himself for marriage. And now he’s married…to a guy named Dave.”

  • What’s in your closet, Foster? Or should I saw, whose bodies?

    http://www.loudounprogress.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Blood_Door.jpg

  • this is xtians transitioning, ironically. i’m sure i’m not the first to note how this is really about the fact that the kids coming out? not going back in, like this loser. not ever! b/c they don’t have to. while we still lack full legal rights, every day more old xtians die, and more younger people don’t give a shit about the “issue” of sexual orientation or gender identity.

    xtians desperately want their brats to cling to jeebus, hatred, and the right wing gravy train. some will. most won’t, b/c it’s not “cool” or whatever the kids are calling it, to hate on us. i have many young neighbors, living in a poor ‘hood like i do there are lots of 20s’gs and teens having kids here (yeah, that sucks). but i talk to them, buy them a beer sometimes (don’t tell!) and listen to them. they don’t know who any of the haters are, never heard of them, never been to their websites, and walk out if Grandma turns on the religious hater channel, cause, ‘Lame, dood.’

    xtians are finally accepting the fact: if you want to have a “living church” (money) in 20 years, you better adapt to the fact that folks born after 1990 aren’t interested in spending what little they have, and the economy really sucks for them right now, on hatred of the lgbt community. just like 60s kids rejected values and culture of their parents, we are among the signature and definitive issues for this “younger generation.” and they are standing up tall and proud.

  • bambinoitaliano

    Welcome to the gay no more homocon club.

    • JDS

      I wish I could insert the remixed video of this twit.

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    ” no one wants to be gay”

    Personally, I am indifferent about who I am attracted to. I can’t say that I want to be gay, but that’s because that’d be like me saying I want to be white or 5’11. I don’t have a strong opinion because it is who I am. Furthermore, I can say that I’ve never wished to be straight.

    • Hue-Man

      That’s why I have a hard time understanding gay self-loathing. I’ve never heard someone say “I hate myself because I’m 5’11” tall” or “I’m worthless because I have green eyes”.

      • I remember ages ago when the movie The Boys In The Band first released (I was 18) my reaction to Michael’s speech about “…not hate ourselves so much” was WTF! I don’t hate myself and I certainly don’t hate being gay, what I do hate is the prejudice, the bigotry, the harassment, the verbal and physical attacks…

  • Porkie

    I thought that being gay was a choice? Or, it was my smothering mother and distant father? ….I can never catch up with the theory “de jour” of the theocratic right. ( But strangely enough I can’t whistle and I quite like the colour green, so who knows?

    • billbear1961

      Depends on the Christer savage you have the misfortune to be speaking to.

  • Xuuths

    Nope, no studies say that. Lying for jesus? Why are we not surprised?

  • JDS

    I’d rather get fucked by Satan than that wimpy Christ. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Paula

    No, my parents had me. They made me Gay. I always suspected that they might be related to Satan.

  • Rubster

    You know what they say, once a prostitute, always a prostitute. He’s just hooking for heaven now. Jesus please cum for me.

  • Christopher

    “I do what’s necessary for the world to move forward. I’m a giver!”

    • rextrek1

      WELL – Id do that Satan ๐Ÿ™‚ lol

  • Martin

    The reason why Christians need to recruit children is because they can’t reproduce — nobody is born Christian.

  • Uncle Mark

    Well, who knew that God would prefer that you’d worship him in the closet?
    http://www.theonion.com/article/church-group-offers-homosexual-new-life-in-closet-470

  • Uncle Mark

    But Dr Marcus Bachmann (Michele’s wife) said that we are “barbarians that need education.” Nothing there about Satan. Let’s face it, in the deep recesses of their souls, both Marcus and David would love to be savaged by the “gay barbarians” to strip away their thin hetero veneer.

  • Mike Rasor

    The sad part is I personally met this loon back in the late 90’s

  • Christopher

  • Christopher

    Just sayin’.

    • JuanGalicia

      I imagine him having Hugh Grant’s voice >.>

  • DaveMiller135

    “I can’t let myself be happy, and you shouldn’t either.”

    • Tuna

      Religion in a nutshell.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    If this is true, all I can say is: Thank You Satan .

  • Phil2u

    Comments are allowed at the YouTube posting….just saying.

  • Hank

    Isn’t that the late Tammy Faye Baker’s Ex- Husband??? /s

  • Charlie

    YEAH Satan!

  • Bryan

    From prostitute to preacher.
    Sure, why not.

  • Randy

    Homosexuality – is there any subject in the world where people who know nothing about it feel so qualified to talk about it? People used to listen to what Anita Bryant had to say also, based entirely on ignorance, superstition and fear.

  • Alyssa

    I love being queer lol.

  • Galvestonian

    Phenomena ???? Vanishes by the age of 17 ???? What studies is he getting this whackadoodle theory from ? It’s gotta be another hyper christian bullpuckey quasi-religious load of faux-science and phoney psychological crapola. It’s enough to make you weep what statements like this are doing to kids.

  • Neely OHara

    Thank heaven for experts like this. Now I understand that it was either Satan, or I just “imagined” I was gay in Junior High for all that “acceptance” I gained by doing so.

  • Get Behind Me Satan!

    • NO MORE GOP!

      Get behind me and get busy with that reach-around.

  • GanymedeRenard

    If Satan made your child gay, does that mean God made you a homophobe? More likely a cretin?

  • Friday

    Clearly this ‘ex-gay’ thing causes people to lose their freaking minds.

  • Richard

    Is he trying to steal Geraldine’s line ‘ The devil made me
    do it’ ? These people
    that constantly bang the drum of anti-gay hatred must be really miserable in
    their own lives. Who goes around
    in life constantly concerned with what others do in their lives, except a crazy
    person? Life is too freaking short to begin with, to
    be worried about imaginary things like satan or who is attracted to whom. These
    people need a shrinkโ€ฆ..and fast!

    • StudioTodd

      I agree. It blows my mind that more people do not immediately recognize that for most of these “born-again” types, their “conversion” invariably comes at a time of incredible emotional and psychological crisis, when they are at their most vulnerable and desperate for an escape from their suffering. The fact that they present themselves as happy and claim that they’ve overcome their particular issues due to the magical powers of some unseen entity completely outside of themselves shouldn’t lead one to conclude that the person has successfully found a solution to their problems.

      A person can convince himself that he is happy and content–as long as he devotes himself to his delusion completely and convinces himself that any doubts, questions or misgivings about his delusion are not caused by his own rational mind trying to assert itself, but, rather, are the result of a different magical unseen entity constantly bombarding him from the outside.

      And when the delusion is supported by the reverence and deference that religion is granted (in this country particularly) and you find yourself lauded and are commended for your decision to surrender your will and logic and understand that you must maintain that suspension of disbelief in order to continue receiving the acceptance and support you crave from the other delusional participants, you’ll do just about anything to keep your delusion safe–including denying the truth of who you really are.

      But that’s not happiness. Safety? Maybe. Cowardice? Absolutely. But not happiness.

      It takes a mind capable of incredibly acrobatic contortions to hold onto such a delusion, but it’s not a healthy mind, by any means. These people haven’t found a solution for their issues–they’ve stumbled across a hidey-hole where they can bury their issues and go through the rest of their lives doggedly standing guard to keep them buried.

      “Rock of ages, cleft for me
      Let me HIDE myself in theeโ€ฆ”

  • ETownCanuck

    Caught in a rest stop with a dick in his mouth in 5…4….3….2….

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      Yeah. And too bad it was detached.

  • zhera

    Aha! They have ‘studies’. I guess we’ll just stop all things science-y, and you homos must stop being homos, because ‘studies’ indicate that it your homoness should have vanished long time ago.

    SATAN! GAWD! DONATE!

  • karmanot

    Being Gay is a choice. Damn right and the minute I figured it out I came OUT! Besides, I ran in to Jesus at the Folsom Street Fair and took him as my personal savior for a few hours in Dore Alley.

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      Hey! Wait! That’s MY Jesus!

  • Wynter Marie Starr

    Wow, what an idiot. I have to wonder how he breathes and walks at the same time.

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      Gills.

      • Wynter Marie Starr

        LOL. Thanks for the chuckle and excellent answer.

  • Robert Conner

    The closer you adhere to the ‘Abrahamic’ religions, the crazier you become.

  • len

    If Satan is really making kids GAY, then maybe he should stop those darn Heterosexuals from having GAY children…

  • Secure

    Does Satan live in a volcano on earth, or is “he” located in another galaxy? Or maybe in our sun? God’s first command was “Let there be light” so maybe his first chore was giving Satan a home base from which to operate.

  • Tor

    At least he’s asking parents to deflect their anger away from their children. But nothing else is helpful or sensible here.

  • Friday

    Of course this fraudulent twitch must have some idea that the surest way to see LGBT kids severely abused and/or murdered by Christian parents is to claim they ‘have the Devil in them.’ That’s Christian dogwhistle for ‘Any abuse is OK.’

  • this man’s “information” will destroy lives.

    like, dude – i’m sorry you need to tout these lies so your worthless bigoted family and “friends” will tolerate your cowardly ass, but the minute you evangelize your lies you become an actively harmful enemy.

    either shut up, or do the right thing and chug a bottle of bleach.

  • ‘Nutjob’ is about all we need to know about this loon. That, and to know where to lay the blame when parents beat, torture, and possibly even kill their own children in the name of primitive, ignorant, iron age beliefs.

  • James

    Telling already delusional, ignorant, scared people that their kids are literally Satanic. I just don’t see how anything terrible could possibly result from that.

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    Let me add, when Satan converted me, I liked it. A lot!

  • Ogre Magi

    Well, he is a man of wealth and taste

  • Gianni

    I remember when I imagined that I was a gay teen. I just waited and it all fell into place. Turns out I was right! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • JCF

    Yeesh. Looking at this guy, I believe that he—and I think I speak for lesbians everywhere!—could make me gay. }-X

  • andrew

    Wasn’t Satan the leader of a rebellious group of Angels that the creator of the billions of galaxies universe cast out of heaven? Can you spell childish M Y T H?

  • Jenniferrcastillo2

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