REPORT: Ted Cruz To Endorse Trump Tonight

Remember when Trump called Ted Cruz a compulsive liar, accused his father of helping to murder JFK, and made fun of his wife’s appearance? Ted Cruz doesn’t. Via Breitbart:

Daniel Schneider, executive director of the American Conservative Union, talked to Breitbart News Daily SiriusXM host Stephen K. Bannon about the Trump campaign, Ted Cruz, and conservative politics, saying, “Ted’s definitely going to endorse Trump” Wednesday night. “Ted’s a smart conservative who is also a good political operative.” Schneider added, “A Trump administration is going to be a lot more conservative than people are assuming.”

Schneider said he believed in his speech tonight, Ted Cruz will lay out some basic conservative principles to which he anticipates Trump will adhere, in exchange for mobilizing the conservative base for November, and that would set the stage for a grand bargain Trump supports. “I think Donald Trump picking Mike Pence, it’s extending his hand to conservatives like Ted Cruz and like me, saying, ‘Okay, I’m ready for this compact,’” said Schneider.

  • coram nobis

    Compact? You mean like, in a junkyard?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rZaLlP7kTU

  • Todd Allis

    Of course he will.

  • Blake Jordan

    This means what???

    • coram nobis

      It means he’s even more undignified than Chris Christie. “Yeah, he accused my father of helping kill JFK, and dissed my wife, and worships Mammon, but hey, I’m up here saying this stuff, ain’t I? It helps if I don’t think it through.”

      • Blake Jordan

        I should of elaborated…

        How would this help drumpf?

        • coram nobis

          In GOP Bizarro world? I’m not sure. It’s more like Trump is a foreign dictator parading prisoners of war on camera, showing how he humiliates his vanquished enemies.

        • clay

          Donnie has no ground game, no get-out-the-vote volunteers. Ted does.

      • james_from_cambridge

        Gawker had this story about how Cruz’s entire team is still with him and they’re preparing for 2020. He figures Trump will go down and he can challenge Hillary in four years. Plus, he’s getting a lot of pressure from the RNC to endorse, so if he wants a future in the GOP, he has no choice. It’s Cruz…he believe in nothing but power, which is what terrifies me about him, even more so than Trump. Trump is a narcisstic child, but Cruz, there’s something malevolent there.

  • Michael Smith

    Was it the chaos at the convention or the plagiarism/denial that finally convinced him?

  • Texndoc

    I’m happy because for people like Glenn Beck, Cruz will be dead to them now. Happy happy happy.

  • Sam_Handwich

    actually, i think Ted’s speech will be like Crispy’s in 2012…. basically endorsing himself for the next election cycle

    we shall see

    • Gustav2

      He may mention Trump’s name once or twice.

      • OdieDenCO

        it seems to be tradition this year. Bash Hillary 90%, bash Obama 10%, mention the apricot hell beast 1%, present national policies 0%

        • Joe knows who I am.

          Oooh, when does the chair come on?

    • oopsies

      Pot calling the kettle collect.

    • clay

      Kasich has been doing the rounds of delegation breakfast caucuses, etc.

  • MattM

    Well at least there’s an upside to Trump’s nomination: watching Cruz eat shit in order to support the Orange Buffoon.

  • PickyPecker
    • sherman

      A lot of people will refrain from posting this because the person who took the time to create it couldn’t do a simple check to catch “life TV”. Stupid mistakes seem to be a recurring problem with Occupy Democrat stuff.

      • Todd20036

        I saw that too

      • PickyPecker

        Saw that too…but chose to overlook it. Hey…..I’m certainly not one to be prefect with typos. 🙂

        • AtticusP

          Well, no matter how you spell it, they’re all a bunch of fcuking asohsles in MY book!

          • Mary Blakely

            <<o. ✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤:::::::!ja295s:….,….,

        • sherman

          That wasn’t a criticism of you, just the careless person who created this. Posting it to a friendly audience like here is different than to a mixed audience like many FB pages. There it would get the “moran” derision from conservatives, and I can’t say I blame them. I and I think many would not share it there.

      • Gerry Fisher

        I hesitated to post it for that very reason.

  • coram nobis

    It’ll be entertaining to watch; maybe he’ll be crazed enough to go off-message like Dr. Stabby last night. Say, who was this Sol Minsky the doctor kept ranting about?

    • Sam_Handwich

      Sal O’Linsky…. he’s the Irish Italian guy who forged Obummer’s birf certificate

      • coram nobis

        Okay — I knew it was some kind of burlesque, anyway.

  • Michael Smith

    Will his speech barely mention Trump like every other speech from elected Republicans so far?

  • bambinoitaliano

    Cruz will lick up smegma of Trump accumulated since before his baptism just to stay relevant.

  • bkmn

    I always knew Cruz could be bought off.

    • Chucktech

      He’s a politician, ain’t he?

  • james_from_cambridge
    • Oscarlating Wildely

      Can Canada just take him back? Please?

      • bambinoitaliano

        No!!!! It was a clearance item. No refund and no return! You can donate him to other country 😛

        • Blake Mason

          LOL!

        • Oscarlating Wildely

          We still have the receipt. Can’t we do an exchange for Justin? Naked? Please?

          • coram nobis

            Justin’s damaged goods. He used to look pretty, but that was before he got into the crayons. What is he trying to make his body look like, the Bayeux Tapestry?

          • bambinoitaliano

            Sir, I have spoke to the manager, unfortunately, the item has long exceed the expiry date. The receipt clearly stated within 30 days of purchase. Your purchase date was back in 1992! Even if he is still in the original box, we would still not able to accept it.

          • His mommy may have voted in canada making the sale illegal!
            On you.

          • bambinoitaliano

            Sir while the item was purchase before NAFTA took effect 1994. Our countries have a bilateral trade agreement since 1989 between Reagan and Mulroney. Under the term the item of one Ted Cruz you purchase are both made by a Canadian and an American. It is consider a domestic product and does not fall into the import/export restriction. 🙂

        • Paula

          But, we can send him to Alberta. Isn’t that enough?
          Or maybe Nunavut?

          • bambinoitaliano

            Actually the original manufacturer is Cuba. Perhaps the country still have some old spare parts that can fix him. It’s out of our hand.

      • james_from_cambridge
        • Oscarlating Wildely

          Holy Baffin Bay– who’s the mounty?

          • james_from_cambridge

            Clearly he’s your next, and probably fifth, husband.

          • clay

            He’s got kinda a Russell Tovey look about the ears.

          • HAAAAAAA

            Russell Tovey looks like his dog.

          • clay

            Thanks. Now I’m picturing Russell Tovey in Channing Tatum’s gimp gear from “This is the End” with an addition of a puppy tail butt plug. As if it’s not hard enough to get any work done around here.

          • HAAAAAAA

            A small aperitif…

          • Christopher Smith

            What are you thinking? puppy tails and butt plugs are not optional!

          • Christopher Smith

            Nah. Very lame gear compared to the Pulp Fiction gimpsuit….not to mention that *scene*…….!

          • TrollopeReader

            i think we asked that question a few months ago !!

            🙂

          • Robincho

            Can I please be the mountee?…

      • Alan43

        Yes, and they can give us Justin Trudeau in return

        Not that they would agree to that, not even for the Stanley Cup and all the beer and poutine in the world

    • The_Wretched

      I still just want to hit his face. It’s a really consistent urge across images and time.

      • james_from_cambridge

        That face, especially the eyelash/chin/nose combo that is just wrong and causes some weird uncanny valley effect, that will keep him from being elected. No way people can handle looking at him. And the weird thing is, knowing what his face is like, you’d think he’d try not to come off like he’d be the next Hitler but he doesn’t even bother hiding it.

    • TrollopeReader

      darn it! I thought that was Mike Fuxabee in the girls shower in high school!

  • Lazycrockett

    Maybe his dad will be in the grassy knoll outside.

    • PLAINTOM

      Why do think Trump wouldn’t even consider him for VP.

  • coram nobis

    “I think Donald Trump picking Mike Pence, it’s extending his hand to conservatives like Ted Cruz and like me, putting them up on stage, in public, and saying to them to read their final line: ‘Okay, Mr. De Mille, I’m ready for my closeup,’” said Schneider.

  • Oscarlating Wildely

    And suddenly, Ted finds his new savior and bursts into show tunes

    “I’ve been living to see you
    Dying to see you, but it shouldn’t be like this
    This was unexpected, what do I do now?
    Could we start again please?

    I’ve been very hopeful, so far
    Now for the first time I think we’re going wrong
    Hurry up and tell me this is just a dream
    Oh could we start again please?

    I think you’ve made your point now
    You’ve even gone a bit too far to get the message home
    Before it gets too frightening, we ought to call a halt
    So could we start again please?”

  • MBear

    annoying shitpile endorses vapid turd

  • lymis

    In any normal campaign, this would be less of an issue. “He’s not perfect, I think I’d have been better, but he’s better than the other party’s candidate, so I endorse him” isn’t even particularly hypocritical

    In this case, given how staggeringly unqualified Trump is, and how vile much of his candidacy has been, this is pure world-class whoring on Cruz’s part.

  • 1Truth1

    Because God told him to do it.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    And the Trump Taint Tickling continues with Terribly Trite Ted.

    • MBear

      okay…ew & LOL

    • PickyPecker

      Touche!

    • coram nobis

      Miles Gloriosus: Oh, her bridal bower becomes a burial bier of bitter bereavement!
      Pseudolus: Very good! Can you say “Titus the tailor told ten tall tales to Titania the titmouse”?
      — A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

      • Jean-Marc in Canada

        One of my all time favourites 🙂

  • sherman

    Will either Uday or Qusay be speaking tonight?
    https://twitter.com/RonanFarrow/status/755590145827598336

    • Lazycrockett

      Look how clean that fucking knife is. He probably didn’t even kill the damn thing but had his guide do it. That POS is just holding a tail in his hand trying too look like a man.

      • coram nobis

        … before he sells the ivory and turns a profit on the whole sordid affair.

      • Circ09

        And too small of a knife to be hacking at that tail. These people are just so gross.

        • clay

          What? That knife’s a LOT bigger than his dick!

        • Chucktech

          “You try to take my elephant tail and I’ll cut you…”

      • Oscarlating Wildely

        All to prove that “yes, look indeed, I have a really big dick. No, really, it’s enormous. I have the biggest dick in the whole country of Africa! See, I’m not PC– I’ll say it! Big. Dick. Me.”

    • Ross

      There is something PROFOUNDLY sad about being so insecure as a person that you need to slaughter a gorgeous, magnificent, innocent creature to feel better about yourself.

      “Hey! Look what a man I am!”

      Yet, all I see is a piece of shit.

  • Bruno

    As if we needed yet another reason to hate Crudz.

  • Uncle Mark

    That must be a picture of Cruz practicing to kiss a giant, orange ass.

    • bambinoitaliano

      A slight vindication for his wife who has to go pda with him all these years?

  • Bryan

    Cradle the balls.

    • And lick that taint, Ted. Party and ideology ahead of country, right, Ted?

      • Bryan

        So much for taking a principled stand…

        • Bryan

          Okay, as of Wednesday night, I take that back.

  • Todd20036

    And as has been said before. Republicans fall in line. No matter how preposterous the candidate is, no matter how unqualified he is, no matter how fascist, bigoted, or completely hypocritically incompetent he is, the goobs will fall in line.

    Like good little Nazi soldiers.

    • Oscarlating Wildely

      Slight difference: Nazis at least liked art before they destroyed it. Republicans just burn it all and let Jeebus sort it all out.

  • coram nobis

    Is Trump going to have this guy speak?

    https://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/trump-vets-adviser-clinton-should-be-put-in-the-firing-line

    An adviser to Donald Trump on veterans issues said on Tuesday that Hillary Clinton should be put in a firing line and shot for treason. …
    — lede

    • HZ81

      Classy bunch.

      And hung for imaginary crimes. Stupid bunch, too.

      • Chucktech

        Hillary would look utterly ridiculous sporting a nice, big basket…

    • clay

      Even if she doesn’t win, they’re still going to impeach her.

      • Chucktech

        Cuz freedumb and libety and no tranny.

      • TrollopeReader

        on day One, if they keep the House.

  • Jimmie Z
  • shellback

    At least with sleep-induced nightmares, one wakes up and it’s over.

  • sherman
  • Ross

    • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

      🙂

  • Blake Mason

    Be sure to get the taint Cruz.

  • AtticusP

    A zealot endorsing a demagogue.

    How did America come to this?

    • Harley

      Cruz is definitely cruzing for a Supreme Court seat. He can do much more damage there than in his senate seat.

      • Rambie

        ^ that was my thought too.

    • Nic Peterson

      Um, what is hate radio, Fox News and Citizens United?

  • secretlab

    Oh, how the slimy have fallen!

  • SoCalGal20

    I’ll believe it when I see it. If Cruz does endorse Drumpf I wonder what it cost Drumpf.

    OT but Wonkette always has the best headlines (and good articles.

    “Ben Carson Saw Goody Clinton Dancing With The Devil”

    http://wonkette.com/604395/ben-carson-saw-goody-clinton-dancing-with-the-devil#I2ESjwfMSjveO0Sf.99

    • clay

      What will it cost Trump? Nothing that he’s not already offering. That is, Pence gets to be president in everything but name; Trump never puts his businesses into receivership; we see that atomization of American society.

      • The_Wretched

        The idea that Pence will be a defacto pres. has me thinking about crawling into a corner and jibbering quietly while rocking back and forth.

        • Robincho

          And eating spiders. Don’t forget the part about spiders…

      • SoCalGal20

        Ok I probably should have said what bone will Drumpf toss Cruz’ way? I would think there will be something if Cruz is actually endorsing him.

        • clay

          Pence will be president in everything but name– Cruz would have no problem endorsing someone as anti-woman, anti-gay, anti-heathen, anti-trans as Pence. Will see worse judicial appointments than W (because they’ll now be higher in the ranks and with a more cooperative Senate, they think), less national unity, more disillusionment, more chances for religious grifters to step in.

          Welcome to the “popularization” of the “reality” TV candidates.

      • Friday

        It’s occurred to me that since Trump makes getting sued his SOP for underpaying or stiffing contractors and workers, and that there’s supposedly a couple thousand of those pending, maybe what he really wants from the White House is the immunity from being sued that comes with being a sitting President.

    • sherman

      Wonkette is great. They had an article with photos of hot Cleveland cops as part of the convention coverage.
      http://wonkette.com/604318/rnc-day-one-round-up-here-are-the-hottest-cops-weve-seen-so-far

      • SoCalGal20

        Their headlines always make me laugh. Love them!

  • Mark

    Ted Cruz on any stage is like a cockroach sizing up where to drop his next egg…..

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    With apologies to Sir Mix a lot

  • BlueberriesForMe

    Oh, Ted! I’m *SO* disappointed in you! So many of us *BELIEVED* in you! Never again!

    • TrollopeReader

      🙂

  • HZ81

    The Children of the Corn are coming home to roost in Cleveland. I hope Ted brings the snakes and speaks in tongues. It’d be more coherent than anything we;’ve heard muttered on the convention floor so far.

  • Hey Ted, have you asked your dad yet how he feels about the guy you’re about to endorse for President calling him a terrorist assassin of JFK? And you, how do you feel about endorsing the man who childishly called you Lyin’ Ted all those months?

    As for that statement up there, I have one small correction: A Trump Administration is going to be a lot more fascist than people are assuming.

  • skyweaver

    Shorter Cruz: “This is my cabinet position insurance policy”

    • Chucktech

      “…if not my Supreme Court appointment insurance policy”

  • Philly Mike

    from a religiuos affiliate

  • SoCalGal20
    • Reality.Bites

      Yesterday I saw a photo of it with a mute symbol covering it.

  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    Well thank goodness. I’m sure there are lots of undecided voters who were just waiting for Teddy to weigh in. Now that he’s endorsing Trump, this settles everything. /s

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      What’s he get out of it?

      • Sporkfighter

        AG.

        • clay

          or Chief of Staff.

          Which has more influence?

          • TrollopeReader

            Chief of Staff.

        • Johnny Wyeknot

          I thought that was reserved for butt-boy Christie.

          • Sporkfighter

            Christie doesn’t bring fundies the party.

      • Reality.Bites

        May 3, 2016: Ted, make a good endorsement speech for me and you won’t have to get my take-out or do my laundry like Christie and Carson. – Donald Trump

  • thom

    what the Republicans are doing to Clinton is highly disturbing. .. not just trump, but establishment politicians too.
    chanting lock her up. accusing her of murdering soldiers. accusing her of murdering political opponents. speaker after speaker calling for her to be thrownin prison. today a trump advisor called for her to be executed by a firing squad, it didn’t even make the news.
    this is more horrifying than the swiftboating of kerry.
    and the media is ignoring it or saying Clinton is just as bad because she says trumps policies are racist.
    it’s unbelievable, it’s dangerous, it’s lazy, it’s disturbing and its working

    • What worries me the most is this is the kind of violent rhetoric which can lead to assassinations. I hope with all I have that the Secret Service is aware of the danger to Clinton and pretty nearly every Democratic party candidate at this point.

      • Lazycrockett

        Some of that shit they are saying on the stage and floor makes me hope the secret service is gonna be knocking on some doors.

        • TrollopeReader

          hopefully a no-knock bam! the door off it’s hinges type of an entrance.

    • Lazycrockett

      But ratings are fabulous.

    • TrollopeReader

      the “execute” her is now on The Daily Beast, TPM, and others … don’t doubt that it’s not on cable channels, though.

    • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

      The GOP is giving Hillary the Obama treatment.

      • thom

        i dunno, this feels worse. public calls for execution. demands of lengthy prison sentence. decades old conspiracy theories of murder

  • Secure

    Trump beat you Ted. He beat you goooooood….

  • canoebum

    Integrity is not among the “basic Conservative principles” to which Ted Cruz adheres. Apparently, neither is self-respect.

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    I’m sorry, but none of this makes a bit of sense to me

    • Ross

      That is because you must be sane.

      • Johnny Wyeknot

        Why, thank you!

  • Mark McGovern

    Endorsement from Lyin’ Ted must be a valuable commodity.

    • clay

      Trump doesn’t care, but the RNC want his minions’ help in the field.

  • Cuberly

    Implementing dominionism by any means necessary. Just like Rousas Rushdoony advocated. Gaining access to power is all that matters.

    What Cruz or Trump fought about doesn’t matter in Ted-Lizard-Man-Cruz’ world.

  • Rex

    I’ll say one thing, Cruz is the ugliest sheep to join the Trump fold.

  • Tigernan Quinn

    How are all of these people going to walk back their support of Trump when he loses? They have to run again themselves someday.

    • Chucktech

      Same way they walked back their derision and scorn of Trump during the primary. Just pretend it didn’t happen. No biggee…

    • Same as with Dubya: They will pretend the Trump candidacy never existed.

    • Lazycrockett

      “Jesus, blah blah blah, please forgive me.” Done.

    • clay

      They’ll blame it on the primary voters.
      They’ll blame it on Trump not being a “real” conservative.
      They’ll blame it on “crooked” Hillary.

  • Reality.Bites

    Um… er… well… something rude about Canadians.

    (I’m really out of practice on Cruz)

  • Joseph Miceli

    “Tonight, Ted Cruz sacrifices what little self respect he has remaining along with the wizened remnants of what is left of his soul.”
    There! All fixed and ready to go!!

    • Veylon

      I’m looking forward to it. There’s a die-hard band of anti-Trump Republicans who cling to Cruz as the one true Christian. It’ll be schadenfreude-riffic to see their reactions to him kowtowing to The Donald.

      • Joseph Miceli

        Well I might have to watch that now !😄

  • Alan43

    He’s positioning himself for 2020 after Trump loses. Which is fine by me, GOP keeps wanting to send obvious wingnuts against Hillary so much the better

  • Mark Neé Fuzz

    I’ll never understand politicians. If either said to me what they’ve said to each other, they’d be on my shit list forever. No redemption. Past the point of no return. But here’s Ted Cruz, yet another to drop to his knees.

  • Tempus Fuggit

    Has anyone seen these “two” in the same room at the same time?

    • coram nobis

      Common enough rhetorical flourish. It’s what happens when you mention CHEESES. Priced CHEESES. It’s what happens when you’re being parmesan.

  • Michael Rush

    .
    Jeopardy

    I’ll take ” The Entire Republican Party Has Zero Credibility ” for $1000
    .

    • coram nobis

      CONTESTANT: I’ll take Republican Economics for $200, Art.
      ART FLEMING: “What happened when the little boy mistook Ex-Lax for chocolate candy.”
      CONTESTANT: What is quantitative easing?
      ART: Next question.
      CONTESTANT: I’ll take Campaign Finance for $400.
      ART: “Puts the capital into the Capitol.”
      CONTESTANT: What is Citizens United?

  • Canadian Observer

    It’s so sad that the name Turd Blossom has already been taken by Rove.

  • chris james

    Love the photo with this posting: You know Cruz has got to be praying to God…Please let me be relevant. What a shit.

  • Michael Hampton

    Tonight the pits of hell will open and Satan himself will crown Trump ruler of all he surveys.

    • coram nobis

      Mr. Chairman, fellow Republicans, I’m proud to present the ruination of the land, the undoing of the Free World, the last president of the United States, Cthulhu!!!

      CROWD: NO MORE YEARS. NO MORE YEARS.

  • Robincho

    Tomorrow’s Plain Dealer headline:

    “Invertebrate Proves Spinelessness. Cuyahoga Remains Damp.”

  • Duane Dimitrov

    How painful must this be for poor Ted?

    I mean, the guy was grown in a vat to be the World’s Perfect Conservative™.

    Then, at the last minute, his destiny–does that deserve a trademark symbol too?–was stolen from him by a vulgar talking yam.

    • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

      Honestly, I think Ted Cruz is doing this out of spite. Most of the main-line Republicans hate Teddy Bear’s teabagger ass and refused to endorse him. Supporting Trump is like giving them a double bird flip.

  • WIGuy

    I hope Cruz has a giant spoon when he eats that shit!

  • Stubenville

    So much for THAT prediction!

  • Mary Blakely

    <<o. ✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤✤:::::::!ja295s:….,….