Pharma Douche, The Musical

For real. Via Yahoo News:

Auditions are being held this weekend to play Martin Shkreli in a upcoming musical about the infamous millionaire, hoverboard-riding pharma bro called “Martin Shkreli’s Game.”

“Remember when the internet thought that Bill Murray could legally steal back the $2 million Wu-Tang Clan album, Once Upon A Time In Shaolin, from that pharma bro Martin Shkreli? Well, get excited world, because we’re bringing that heist to you! That’s right, this show has Bill Murray teaming up with the Wu-Tang Clan in an epic battle against the most hated man in America. Will Bill Murray succeed, or will he just end up another pawn in Martin Shkreli’s Game?” the musical’s website says.

The musical’s plot begins with Shkreli winning the Wu-Tang album auction and follows Bill Murray and Wu-Tang as they attempt a heist to reclaim it. Some of the songs include “I’m Martin F—kin’ Shkreli” and “Every Day’s The Same When You’re Bill Murray.”

  • Rex

    So, the check mark by his name means these tweets are real and not some sick joke?

    • Gustav2

      Yes. but still a sick joke.

    • Reality.Bites

      Proof he’s a douche – he’s retweeting Jill Stein.

  • Todd20036

    Similar to “Jesus II, the Fashon of the Christ”, I cannot wait to not see it.

    • MB

      The Passion Fruit of the Christ Easter Soufflé,

      http://www.bettybowers.com/graphics/souffle1.gif

      The Passion Fruit of the Christ Easter Soufflé

      By Jean-Georges Vongerichten, personal chef to Mrs. Betty Bowers

      !~ Boys and Girls, the only ingredient that takes a bit of poise and wrangling to procure is, of course, the flesh of the Christ. But for Heaven’s sake, don’t order over the Internet or you are likely to wind up with something in an Igloo cooler that came out of a Chinese dissident! Instead, I have found, that Catholic priests are rather alacritous in their willingness to allow me to score a stack of freshly consecrated hosts for my Body of Christ Soufflé. But come prepared with an envelope full of crisp twenty-dollar bills and a comely young boy who gives off the vague impression of being up for almost anything.

      — Betty

      Yield: 6 Christian Servings (78 servings if all your guests can squeeze into a Prada size 2)
      The Body of the Lord Jesus Christ, diced (in its own sauce)
      7 egg whites
      ¾ cup sugar flown in from the leeside of Maui
      2 Tablespoons Evian water
      1 vanilla bean picked within 24 hours in Madagascar
      Juice of 1 Ravello, Italy lemon
      1 cup Taittinger’s fresh passion fruit purée (you’ll find it in the most darling little food shop in Double Bay, Australia — I forget the name but have your help tell them Betty sent you!)
      2 Tablespoons butter flown in from Auribeau-sur-Siagne (for melting)

      Have your undocumented kitchen help stop protesting in the streets with signs written in Mexican and hurry home to preheat your Viking oven to 400º F.

      Brush six ramekins with melted butter at room temperature, while wearing a vintage Balenciaga ocelot-trimmed apron, and coat with sugar.

      Bring your French mountain spring water, Italian lemon juice, Madagascar vanilla bean and Hawaiian sugar to a boil while reminding your help that the so-called “minimum wage” is only meant as a meaningless suggestion, not a legal requirement, when an employer has the INS on speed dial.

      Whisk egg whites, using the remote control on your KitchenAid electric mixer. Carefully blend in the body of your Personal Savior into the soft peaks, taking care not to drop Jesus on your granite flooring, as nobody wants to eat the body of Christ when He has been on the floor. Add in sugar liquid. Whisk again with a warm whisk until Jesus and the eggs rise to form stiff peaks. Jesus may take a bit of cajoling. Gently fold the passion fruit purée into the Lord with a mother of pearl spatula until the Lord is full of passion.

      Fill Limoges ramekins with this divine mixture and bake for 7 minutes.

      To Serve:
      When the soufflé rises above the ramekins, roll back the door of your expensive oven and announce, “He has risen!” Then, remove the fluffy Lord and serve Him immediately. Verily, salvation has never been so sweet! Glory!

    • MB

      Also, Passionfruit of the Christ Punch:

      Wild Turkey Kentucky Straight Bourbon
      Passionfruit juice
      Pineapple juice (unsweetened)
      Lime juice (freshly squeezed)
      Riondo Prosecco Spago Nero
      Orange and lime wheels, to garnish
      Bitters (optional)

      In a punch bowl, combine Wild Turkey, passionfruit juice, pineapple juice and lime juice in a 2:2:1:1 ratio. Stir for about a minute and, if feasible, let it set in the fridge for an hour or so. Right before serving, top mixture with an amount of Prosecco equal to the amount of pineapple or lime juice used.

  • BearEyes

    No!

    • Gerry Fisher

      Bear gets succinct!

      • BearEyes

        Yes!

  • Todd

    I’d rather see “Cats” ….or be eaten by cats

    • Rex

      or listen to cats breeding

      • Michael Rush

        Martin Shkreli is one for the litter box .
        Bury it deep !

  • Hue-Man

    Skipped English class: “I’ve never sung or acted before” makes it more obvious that it’s not SANG.

    • David Walker

      Thank you.

  • bkmn

    When it finally opens he will have a new tweet

    “#pleaseclap”

  • Oscarlating Wildely

    There is nothing humorous about what this asshole did to people. In fact, the only thing that makes me chortle about him was seeing his ass in cuffs without his favorite smirk as an accessory. If true, I hope that the musical shows what a complete and utter asshole he is. Then it has merit. But I doubt he’ll be tweeting about that.

    • PickyPecker
      • Oscarlating Wildely

        Thanks! Only made better by the jawline of the one on the left that could cut diamonds.

      • Gerry Fisher

        This gave me a BIG smile.

    • teeveedub

      He doesn’t need a musical to show what an complete and utter asshole he is. He does that for himself every time he speaks. And yet he still has “fans,” if you can call them that.

      And that, ladies and gentlemen and everyone in between, is the same zeitgeist that elevated Drumpf to be the Presidential candidate for a major political party.

    • LovesIrony

      May the ghosts of Wilde and Dickens guide the author to a work of brilliance, illuminating the insidious greed and arrogance of those that believe the more perceived wealth one has the better the person.

      • Acronym Jim

        Throw a bit of Swift in there as well and It would be perfection.

    • fuzzybits

      Put him in a cell with Kim Davis. It would be fun watching him go mad as she preaches non stop at him.

  • Cuberly

    Scum sucking nasty looking douchebag. Fuck he makes my skin crawl. Bleh!

    https://67.media.tumblr.com/65d7d59d30f8887b3af866f2d5e14c6c/tumblr_nc4vwgMmKU1qzkj9to1_500.gif

    • Oscarlating Wildely

      I cry fowl.
      Nesferatu had the ability to turn into creatures of the night, including vermin. This guy is already there.

      • Cuberly

        Maybe he just got stuck in his vermin state.

        Seriously, does the slicked back greasy hair look work for anyone? Even Trump’s spawn sport that unfortunate look….bleh. says a lot actually…I need a shower. Gack!

    • Treant

      So somebody did video me getting up in the morning.

      • Cuberly

        lol….or at least what it’s like before that first cup of coffee…lol…

        • Treant

          Cup of…uh, coffee. Er, sure. Coffee.

          • Cuberly

            HA!

  • Skokieguy [Larry]

    So this is actually happening? And he wants to play himself or is playing himself? He is financing and producing this or someone is taking his story? Wouldn’t he have to sell the rights? I’m so confused!

  • Sam_Handwich

  • Rebecca Gardner

    Why?

    • David Walker

      Because “Hamilton” now commands $850 for a prime top ticket, but the producers try to make nice by doubling the number of $10 tickets to 46. So why not?

  • Prion

    • Skeptical_Inquirer

      I’m still mad other countries negotiate to lower prices for their government programs but the US doesn’t.

      • David Walker

        It’s the “American Way”…woo people in your district/state to vote for you and then vote for the corporations that pay you. Best government money can buy.

  • Prion

    ..,

  • Prion

    .,.

  • Snarkaholic

    Springtime For SHIT-ler.

    • perversatile

      Thse songs practically write themselves…
      -I’ve Gotta Punchable Face
      -No Friends No Money

      -Malaria-Hysteria
      -When I’m burning in Hell
      Satan will Complain about the Smell
      -Smirky Lil’ Ass Face Jerk

      • Jon

        The refrain in that last one is SUPER catchy! 😀

        • Francesnchaffee1

          “my room mate Mary Is getting paid on the internet $98/hr”…..!gd192ur

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  • Prion

    .,,

  • WeRTheSquirrels

    “My smirking mug is A-mer-i-ca. I control drug in A-mer-i-ca. I am so smug in A-mer-i-ca. I’m just a thug in A-mer-I-ca!”

    • Gerry Fisher

      Purrr-fect

  • 2guysnamedjoe

    Casting call for snivelling little rat-faced gits!

  • Gerry Fisher

    Pharma Douche appears to be positioning himself as the heir (air?) to the “Donald Trump Turn Bullshit into $$” thrown. May he fail spectacularly.

  • rextrek1

    Why does he remind me of a Grown up version of the Kid from LIDSVILLE?

  • That Guy

    I hate that being a huge POS gets you ‘honored’ with hundreds of comedy sketches and musical numbers. Certainly PharmaDouche deserves all the hate he gets, but he surely relishes the attention he gets from people whose talents are above going after an unrepentant asshole. I feel the same way about the Orange Menace running for president right now. Make a musical about people who go broke paying for their healthcare or struggle to live peaceful lives while a sociopath drums up anti-immigrant sentiment. Tell THEIR story.

    • David Walker

      That would make the businessman uncomfortable.

  • Tony Prost

    just you wait, he will run for Republican nomination in ten years or so.

  • BeaverTales

    I don’t know if there are enough tubes on the Interwebz to contain all of the fractal wrongness of transforming this little doucheroo’s ‘cast iron set of nads and obvious criminal intent into some new kind of defining cultural Zeitgeist-y statement on our own culture’s stupidity.

    It’s like buying a new suit for and then giving a tongue job to the sociopath who swindled your poor sick grandmother down at the nursing home.. What am I not getting here?? Is this that newfangled postmodern irony Broadway?

  • mikeinrkfd

    Music and lyrics by Wu-Tang Clan?

  • Acronym Jim

    It finally struck me why Shkreli has looked so disturbingly familiar to me all this time; he looks like the young version of the child snatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

  • Acronym Jim

    I can’t speak for Wu Tang Clan, but somehow, I don’t think Bill Murray would be copacetic to douche bag using his name and image in a commercial venture.

  • Pharma Douche — the Florence Foster Jenkins of our time.

  • David Walker

    “Hamilton” producers will now sell their “premium” tickets for $849 (at least it’s not $850), so I can see taking a chance on a putting on a show. From yesterday’s NY Times:

    The producers of “Hamilton” are sharply increasing the cost of the best seats in the house, shattering Broadway’s top ticket price while also more than doubling the number of inexpensive seats available via same-day lotteries.

    The paired moves — raising the price for premium seats to $849 while offering 46 seats per show at $10 each — are part of a broader effort to stanch the loss of tens of millions of dollars in potential revenue to scalpers, and to make the show available to people who can’t afford costly theater tickets.

    An $849 theater ticket, although less than some people are currently paying for seats to “Hamilton” on the secondary market, is a record for the price being charged directly by a Broadway show. “The Book of Mormon” has long had the most expensive premium ticket on Broadway — last week that show topped out at $477 — and until now “Hamilton” has been lagging slightly behind, at $475 last week.

    In the new block of tickets, about 200 seats at every “Hamilton” performance — mostly in the center orchestra — will be sold for $849. The rest of the house — everything but the lottery tickets, or about 1,075 seats per show — will be sold for between $179 and $199 (currently, the regular seats are priced from $139 to $177).

  • Hank

    Pharma Douche, The Musical – Talk about a Money Loser…. or just plain LOSER!! /s

    • coram nobis

      Retitle it as “The Bitter Pill” and feature a scene where Shkreli gets consumed like Don Giovanni, or maybe tarred and feathered, and you might have a winner.

      • Hank

        Toby it… The GLBT’s and Liberal NYers who go to Broadway would boycott seeing it. Even if they have him “flambéed” at the end!!!

  • fuzzybits

    There’s a lot of delusion under that greasy mop.

  • Gianni

    I like how he has earned the name Pharma Douche. Just say it and anyone who reads or listens to the news knows immediately who you mean – Martin Shkreli.