Carly Fiorina Issues First #CruzCarly Ad [VIDEO]

TIME recaps:

Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina have released the first advertisement of their joint campaign to stop Donald Trump and win the Republican nomination. The ad features Fiorina, the former CEO of Hewlett-Packard, speaking to the camera over footage her and Cruz clasping hands in victory.

“Jobs. Freedom. Security. They feel out of reach because corrupt politicians have sold us out to the insiders,” Fiorina says. “Neither Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump will fight the system, because they are the system.”

  • I’m amazed at how delusional that woman is to believe we would think electing her was a good idea.

    • Sporkfighter

      She learned nothing in California.

    • Randy Left Brooklyn

      She did win the CA GOP nomination for senate. She will be a plus for Crud in CA.

      • Not really. When she lost that race, she completely dismantled her campaign organization. She left the state owing a lot of people favors, and failed to pay her staff. She did finally pay off those monetary debts last year, in preparation for running for POTUS, but she has few friends left out there.

        • Randy Left Brooklyn

          Those unpaid staffers are a very typical result in a campaign, and the people who work for the campaigns, if experienced, know it is a possibility. They are never happy about it, but they know it happens.

          Regardless of her loss, she was popular enough to win a contested primary, and it is GOP voters that Cruz wants in June. There is a segment of the GOP that still likes her.

          • Christopher Smith

            Just like the three companies Failorina slept her way to the top of and proceeded to wreck? ‘they are not happy about it but they know it happens?’
            Cruz is the most hated man in the Senate and one of the most hated men in America, and look where he is. Sorry–Failorina is no selling point in a California campaign, to say the least.

      • Marides48

        No, her reputration here in Central California is not good. They will be yuuuge LOOOSERS here.

      • Sporkfighter

        A plus for Cruz in California? She lost California by 10 points in 2010. She was pro-prop 8, she’s anti-choice, anti-equality. She’s lose by 20% if that election were held today.

        • Herald

          She’ll be a plus for Cruz in California for the GOP primaries. She did win the nomination, after all.
          Obviously Hillary is winning California in the general election no matter what.

          • Sporkfighter

            Even if Cruz were to be the Re-bubba-kin nominee, Fiorina would only help Cruz lose California. That only helps Cruz be a bigger loser.

  • #CruzCarly for God, Guns, and Gopher Guts.

  • Michael Smith

    So Ted Cruz, a United States Senator, isn’t “the system” but Donald Trump is? Newsflash: You’re both part of the system.

    • Herald

      Of course they are and of course they will lie about it.

    • Strepsi

      …and a millionaire former CEO of a Fortune 500 company? Yeah, that Carly is so “outsider”!

      • Octavio

        And a major job creator, too. Don’t forget the 30,000 HP employees (who were laid off under her stewardship). Fun gal.

        • Strepsi

          Yes, I should have said “former CEO of a Fortune 500 company whose staff and value she HALVED”

        • Eric in Oakland

          Yep! Carly Fiorina talking about jobs and security is really rich. She’s proven herself to be terrible for both.

      • Ted.OR

        While she was at HP, Carly was deeply involved with a Republican PAC. Employees got emails about how this was good for the company, and employees might even consider involving taking part as well.

  • “Jobs. Freedom. Security.”
    From _them_?

  • bkmn

    I’ve never seen a better cast Skank and Pickle.

  • Mark Neé Fuzz

    I’d say this was cart before the horse kind of stuff, except it is way too far beyond deluded to even be called premature.

  • skyweaver

    Cruz/Carly is a huge optics mistake. Why use his last name and her first? Because the Republican id is so threatened by the mere idea of a female in power that there’s a belief they need to soften her up by using her first name. I’m sure they did it to soften Cruz’s assholery as well, but as a woman I am bothered by this. In fact, it leapt out at me.

    • Nic Peterson

      It leapt out at me, also. Without any help from lady parts whatsoever. Calling Ted an a$$hole is an insult to proper a$$holes everywhere.

      • PeterC

        Yes, Yes Ass Holes do good work: they are praised and blessed if they exude good shit.

    • Randy Left Brooklyn

      That would be a problem with women who read JMG but not women who vote in the GOP primary.

    • Shy Guy

      I thought it odd as well. The placard on the podium in the photo says Cruz Fiorina, as do the white ones in the crowd, whereas the other blue ones say Cruz Carly.

      My guess was that they did it for the alliteration and brevity. I’m not sure I’d have been pleased if I were in her shoes, but then again she chose to run with Ted Cruz.

    • Ted.OR

      Sometimes Republicants are reluctant to use their last name. Even Jeb! used an exclamation mark rather than his last name. Or his first and middle names, for that matter.

      • Randy Left Brooklyn

        Don’t forget Willard or Rafael. Those people are big on aliases.

    • Rolf

      As both names start with a ‘c’ it’s probably meant to be catchy, cute and memorable.
      It just makes me think of CaCa.

    • clay

      Crust is the new, meaner Santorum, so announcing that he had (“after a lot of prayer”) chosen Fiorina as his running mate, meant he had hired her to nanny his daughters (hence her creepy-ass song).

  • Scott Fitler

    Republicans are giving major face as “Look at that face” joins the “Most Punchable Face” in their campaign to destroy America. Now all they need to do is hire Tyra Banks as their “smizing” consultant and they’ll be set.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    The hypocrisy in the first 5 seconds is fucking mind boggling. Seriously Carly!?!?!?!?

  • Michael Rush

    It all reads ” corrupt insider politician ? I WANT IN !!! “

  • Joe in PA

    how fabulously ironic…the first word from that woman’s mouth: jobs.


    • That_Looks_Delicious

      Carly says “jobs” the way that dentist from Minnesota says “lions.”

      • Aida Mitchell

        “my room mate Mary Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”..,……..!wc100ctwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !wc100:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsBookGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!wc100……….

  • AtticusP

    Lucifer- Medusa 2016!

    • Natty Enquirer

      More like Aello than Medusa.

  • TuuxKabin

    ‘taken on Washington and won’. The 2013 shutdown was his defining moment of ‘wining’.

    • Jerry

      “whining” ?

      • TuuxKabin


  • Sam_Handwich

    A computer simulation model from Sam Wang at the Princeton Election Consortium shows that if Donald Trump wins Indiana on Tuesday, he has a 98% chance of getting the nomination.

    If he loses Indiana, his chances drop to …..drum roll…. 97%.

    Carly is just a desperate, hair-on-fire act from the Cruz campaign….and probably not the final one.

    • Lost in space

      Someone said if Cruz loses indiana, his next move will be to appoint his cabinet.

      • Rolf

        Which will of course have a person of colour in it.
        “Hey, I’ve got a woman for a VP and a coloured person in my cabinet, how can I possibly lose?”

    • Jerry

      Carly was such a desperation move…Cruz can’t win unless he gets a contested convention, and then the VP slot won’t even be his choice. In a brokered convention, the delegates will choose the VP position, so the likelihood of them voting for Fiorina are slimmer than the chances for Cruz.

  • Michael Rush

    Her personality has the same problem as Ted’s face .

    • Hank

      Her face has the same problem as “his” personality! /s
      They both look like they had bad “Rhinoplasties” (Nose Jobs) Nothing could be done for either of their “personalities”

    • Strepsi


  • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

    I know it is written CruzCarly but I am seeing Crazly.

    • Jeffg166

      So did I! Dyslexia is a terrible inconvenience at times. Other times it’s sort of funny.

      • Sporkfighter

        Dislexia? No, Cruz/Carly gives me dyspepsia.

        • perversatile


    • Rolf


    • ben-andy

      Carluz, pronounced “Car-lose”

    • David

      I’m going with Cruzorina.

  • Natty Enquirer

    What a charming couple. I can see them going on the Newlyweds Game in an SNL sketch…

  • Blake Jordan

    Surely they both know that they have no chance at even getting the nomination, let alone winning in November.

    I guess this is just to milk as much money out of their supporters as possible…

  • Rick

    Her eyebrows have a better chance of winning.

  • billbear1961



    Go to HELL!

    You’re NOT taking US along!

  • Randy Left Brooklyn

    Jobs are out of reach in part because of how Fiorina royally screwed up a formerly great American company, Hewlett-Packard. She was good at being a hyper political weasel, without any vision of how to run a company, something that is afflicting too many American companies with crappy leadership.

    Fiorina and people like her, as well as the mindset she represents, are a huge part of the problem.

  • ByronK

    Sorry chickie, you’re both part of the establishment you douches.

  • WebSlinger
    • Strepsi

      hahh but they should BOTH say “universally despised”

      • Reality.Bites

        I don’t think she’s well known enough to be universally despised. She’s more like Clungeflaps – universally despised within a very small segment of the population.

      • Cboulder

        This is fun. Him: Possibly the Zodiac killer, wasted $ 24 billion of taxpayer money to read GreenEggsandHam on the Senate floor.Her: Striking resemblance to Cruella Deville, Laid off 30k workers while bankrupting HP, Proud author of Planned Parenthood fan fiction.Commentariat feel free to expand on their profiles.

  • billbear1961
    • Marides48

      How fitting, Wagner was Hitlers favorite composer.

    • Jerry

      Cruz and supporters getting ready for a rally. Actually, this was one of my favorite “Buffy” episodes.

  • Treant

    Sorry, Ted. Hillary plays the woman card better–and you can even get a Woman Card from her that you can play any time you want to!

  • shellback

    Two aliens holding hands – “We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, I’d like to hear it”

  • Reality.Bites

    Don’t take this as any kind of defence or endorsement of Trump, but how on EARTH is he more of an insider than a sitting senator?

    • IamM

      Hmmm? Unlike Cruz he has enough money to buy congressional support?

  • sherman

    Lucifer/Cruella 2016

  • Secure


  • delk

    Damn Carly! Who perpetrated that face?

    • Octavio

      See Charlie’s post. He submits she might have been weaned on a pickle. Makes sense to me.

  • Octavio

    What? No mention of the 30,000 jobs lost while she was the evil witch at Hewlett Packard? No mention of the freedom of SSM that Cruz insists needs to be quashed? Hmmm . . . and what other stuff and I missing? Oh, yeah. They are both major assholes. 🙂

    • Yixing’s Fluffer

      Conservatives desperately want to wreck the government, so who better to do the wrecking than an objectively terrible CEO?

    • Ted.OR

      In her run for the Senate campaign, she touted how she had created 30,000 jobs. Of course, she forgot to mention that those jobs were in China, to replace the laid-off American workers.

  • Charlie

    Carly doesn’t qualify as a woman, just like Sarah Palin didn’t either. Both are evil troublemakers who have no business in public office. Every time I see Carly with her lemon-sucking puckered lips I wish someone would smack that smirk right off her face. I do believe she was weaned on a pickle as a small child.

  • Yixing’s Fluffer

    I’m rooting for Trump in Indiana just so we can stuff this horrible person back in the trunk, though I’m slightly worried that Bill Maher will let her back on his show when it’s over (a la Anthony Weiner).

  • SoCalGal20

    I worked at a law firm that represented HP in the Fiorina days. Pretty much all I remember from that, and it’s always stuck with me, was that people at the firm at the firm who had to deal with her were not fans.

    Also, this is like the most boring ad ever. Zzzzzzzzz

  • dmichaelkny

    Is she subtly trying to channel Nancy Reagan w/all that red? The rethugs are such a joke.

    • SoCalGal20

      Also red is power color! She has power! /s

    • BobSF_94117

      Why we let the GOP steal red is beyond me.

      • Sporkfighter

        Red is fitting for them. It symbolizes anger.

        • Strepsi

          In Canada it’s the opposite, the Liberals are red… the previous Conservative government was so rabidly partisan that they wouldn’t ever use the color — even though our maple leaf and FLAG are red!

          • Reality.Bites

            In the UK too, it’s Tory Blue and Labour red.

            In Australia the Liberals (conservatives) are blue and Labor (sic) is red.

  • Sam_Handwich

    Bring back the demon sheep, Carly!

  • Strepsi

    If only foetuses could vote!

  • Sporkfighter

    From Wikipedia:

    As Chief Executive Officer of HP from 1999 to 2005, Fiorina was the first woman to lead a Top-20 company as ranked by Fortune Magazine. In 2002, Fiorina oversaw what was then the largest technology sector merger in history, in which HP acquired rival personal computer manufacturer, Compaq. The transaction made HP the world’s largest seller of personal computers. HP subsequently laid off 30,000 U.S. employees. On February 9, 2005, she was forced to resign as CEO and Chair, after the company lost half of its value.


    In 1997, prior to Fiorina’s joining the company, HP’s Dutch subsidiary formed a partnership with a company in Dubai, Redington Gulf, which sold HP’s products in Iran. Under Fiorina’s leadership at HP, the company sold millions of dollars worth of printers and computer products to Iran through the foreign subsidiary, while U.S. export sanctions were in effect. After the story was initially reported by The Boston Globe in 2008, the SEC sent a letter of inquiry to HP, who responded that products worth US$120 million were sold in fiscal 2008 arguing that the sales did not violate export sanctions because they were made through a foreign subsidiary.

    Trafficking with the enemy?

    Following her forced resignation from HP, several commentators ranked Fiorina as one of the worst American (or tech) CEOs of all time. In 2008, InfoWorld grouped her with a list of products and ideas that flopped, declaring that her tenure as CEO of HP was the sixth worst tech flop of all time, and characterizing her as the “anti-Steve Jobs” for reversing the goodwill of “geeks” and alienating existing customers.

    Yeah . . . the Democratic commercials are pre-made.

    • Octavio

      There ya go. She’s a “proven” winner. Chicken dinner. She’s so thin her husband can’t put it in her.

      • Ted.OR

        There once was a woman named Carly.
        She devastated Lucent, then HP.
        She tried for the Senate,
        But notice that she isn’t in it.
        Does she really think she can be VP?

        • perversatile

          I dare say, these are the only poems
          ever penned, with Carly in mind.

          Carly’s greasy mouth,
          milk carton’s missing children.
          She licks her plate clean

      • fuzzybits

        What,like metal scraping?

  • BobSF_94117

    What, no singing?

  • Matt

    Anyone dumb enough to believe either of these buffoons DESERVES what a Cruz presidency would bring. Anyone remember premonition in The Dead Zone?

    • justmeeeee

      Be careful, you might be speaking about a large number of your fellow citizens there. (cf. W’s second term)

    • Reality.Bites

      Well yeah, but if he tried to stop an assassin’s bullet by pulling her in front of him he’d probably win the election.

  • justmeeeee

    No, baby, Donald Trump is not the system. Is this ad really meant to convince someone? Whose money is being wasted to produce this drivel?

  • MBear

    JOBS?!? LMFAO!!!

    Freedom?!? LOL

    Security?!? *giggle*

    …becoming less and less funny

  • Fanatic/Failure 2016!

    actually, this has been amusing me since i read about it. it’s hard to think of two less electable candidates for the general. Snarli only makes Clinton look better, and i say that as a Bernie person. if this year is all about “the women’s vote” or whatever, Cruz just guaranteed HRC wins, if the rethugs successfully broker him to be the nom.

    • Reality.Bites

      Not just Clinton.

      If Fiorina was running against Cruella de Ville, Cruella would sweep the Dalmation vote.

      • IamM

        Pff. Cruz, Fiorina, Kasich or the other terror dwarves could run against literal Hitler & have voters trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

  • 3-Star

    Some people don’t know when to shut up.

  • Blake Mason
  • Michael White

    Her unfortunate mug is all over the tv here in South Bend Indiana. All I can say is that all that is good I have a DVR. I record even local news The nightmare couple was here last week and The Rump is here Monday. My husband and I are attending Mr Sanders’s rally Sunday

  • Dana Chilton

    When she ran for senate in California she tried very hard to be seen as a moderate. I’m not sure if that Carly or this Ted Cruz Carly is the real one but I’m more and more convinced she’s just a terrible person with bad ideas

    • Sporkfighter

      Yeah, but that moderate act didn’t fly here, ant it won’t fly against Sanders or Clinton.

      • Dana Chilton

        Fortunately she won’t have the chance to run against Sanders or Clinton. Ted Cruz won’t get the nomination. I’ve never seen a candidate pick and announce a running mate before being nominated. As an aside, either 1)Ted Cruz gets the nomination at a contested convention and splits his party- Donald Trump runs as an independent and Cruz is forced to run against trump 2) Donald Trump gets the magic number but Cruz’ camp ends up taking it at the convention anyway and Drump runs as an independent 3) Trump gets the nomination and Cruz takes his sheep and forms a new party

        • Reality.Bites

          I don’t think anyone’s running as an independent – it’s too late to get on the ballot in too many states.

  • Sporkfighter

    Insiders sold out our security? Like Fiorina-led HP selling computer equipment to Iran?

    • Ted.OR

      It was in the spirit of Saint Ronnie, whose administration sold MILITARY WEAPONS to Iran, while at the same time encouraging other countries to impose sanctions on Iran.

  • Joseph Miceli

    Fur coats for everyone!!!!!

  • Balderdashing

    Cruz Carly sounds like a bad Korean knock-off candy bar.

  • Duane Dimitrov

    Boy, it’s pretty desperate to think you can jump the gun and become the “presumptive” ticket by doing this bullshit.

    Someone needs to send these two whackadoos a memo that Trump has been killing it, and that they’re dead in the water.

    • Jerry

      And his desperation move is worthless: His only hope is a brokered convention, and in a brokered convention the winning presidential pick doesn’t get to select a running mate. The delegates do the choosing for VP, and I can’t imagine she would be a popular choice.

      • Sporkfighter

        Fiorina can’t hope to draw from anything but the right. She can’t help the Republicans win the general election.

      • Duane Dimitrov


        They’re desperately trying to get the media to portray a Cruz/Fiorina “ticket” as being the “face of the GOP.”

        It’s not the case! Donald Trump is the face of the GOP!!!!

        • Bomer

          If that’s the face of the GOP it’s a two bagger and at least one of the bags needs to be plastic.

        • Jerry

          HaHaHa…”face of the GOP”…and OMG what faces!

  • Queequeg

    Jobs? How many jobs did HP add under Carly before she got her golden parachute? Oh, right they laid people off because she was running the company into the ground. Slogan could be “Carly knows how to destroy jobs and corporations, think what she and Ted can do for the country”.

    • Ted.OR

      In addition to the JOBS lost at HP, she killed the spirit of INNOVATION that the company was known for. Before her, HP had created industry-changing products. And it was known for fierce employee loyalty. During, and after, her reign, zilch…

      • Johnson

        Carly Fiorina: Worst Person in the World. And the Ugliest. That’s all.

        • IamM

          Not while Ted Cruz is alive.

  • Friday
  • Queequeg

    Jobs, Freedom, Security, three things you’d lose under a Cruz/Fiorina Administration.

  • rabbit_ears

    The perfect image for this campaign

    • billbear1961


  • SFHarry

    This such a pathetic desperate stunt. I would be embarrassed for Cruz if I didn’t hate him so much.

  • Cuberly

    Wonder why they didn’t reveal their revamped campaign website and slogan.

    “I have been incubated from birth to be your overlord”

  • houstonray

    Is it just me or is it odd that the campaign uses his last name and her first name?

    Too bad Bush didn’t do the same…

    “Bush Dick 2000”

    • Baltimatt

      I noticed that. Other than for alliterative purposes, it seems odd.

      • Natty Enquirer

        It’s because we call girls by their first name since they’re children.

        • perversatile

          That and ‘Fiorina’ might be too foreign sounding and impossible to pronounce for Ted’s Cuban-Canadian,
          whitey up-tighty fan base. The use of ‘Carly’ is to remind everyone the bony, stick shaped creature wrapped in lizard skin, is actually a female human, named Carly.

        • Baltimatt


  • Brian in Valdosta

    So, to quote their own GOP establishment and frontrunners, this ticket is essentially Punchable Face and Ugly Face. Interesting.

  • TheManicMechanic

    She at least had the Clydesdale vote.

    • Robert Conner

      I hear the Dobermans are organizing a rally in support.

  • Mathematically, there is zero chance of Ted Cruz being selected as the GOP nominee on the first delegate ballot. ZERO.

    This means Trump has to fail to win on the first ballot, after which in subsequent ballots, increasing numbers of delegates are free to vote as they like. (I’m given to understand it isn’t until the 3rd ballot that all the delegates are freed, but someone correct me if I’m mistaken.)

    In the only scenario where a Cruz candidacy continues to matter, someone has to put his name up for consideration to be the party’s candidate for President. But guess what? In a contested convention, the Vice President is nominated and voted on separately. Cruz can say he wants Fiorina to be his running mate, but the freed delegates can nominate and pick anybody they want. They’re not bound by his choice at all.

    Which means this Fiorina as Veep political stunt is nothing but that. A stunt.

    • Reality.Bites

      Well that’s true, but I think it’s unlikely they would pick him and refuse to select his chosen running mate. Not to mention, I can’t exactly imagine a rush of people eager to be his running mate.

  • This is like being stuck in a box and spite-farting.

  • KQCA

    Their families must be so embarrassed. These two dimwits don’t even understand the basics of the election process.

  • β∈∀√ℰℝ ±αλƎ§

    They really are perfect for each other. If you fail big the first time, set your sights even higher and keep on trying. Repeat the same formula until the only opposition you have left is too stupid to walk and chew gum at the same time.


  • IamM

    Jobs. Freedom. Security.
    …What are three things Republicans destroy?

    • Johnson

      Fiorina certainly destroyed 30,000 Jobs at HP.

      • Dave in Boston

        And my job at Compaq about 1 month before they took over. It’s complicated, my life was complicated by a mom with dementia, and my own disabling illness (I later got SS disability), but I refuse to believe they were not in collusion. I had worked at DEC/Compaq for 18 years.

        • Dave in Boston

          BTW, I can still sing like the cats above – I mean the bass/ baritone!

  • Mike in Texas
    • David Milley

      It just goes on and on and on, like real cats mating, or a Republican debate … Carly should only sound so good.

  • Robert Conner

  • 5moreminutes*imtired

    Its all just so desperate!

  • Alan43

    Any creepy singing in this one?

  • Aida Mitchell

    “my room mate Mary Is getting paid on the internet 98$/hr”..,……..!wc100ctwo days ago grey MacLaren P1 I bought after earning 18,512 was my previous month’s payout..just a little over.17k DoIIars Last month..3-5 hours job a day…with weekly’s realy the simplest. job I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months. ago. and now making over. hourly 87 DoIIars…Learn. More right Here !wc100:➽:➽:➽➽➽➽ http://GlobalSuperJobsReportsEmploymentsBookGetPayHourly$98…. .❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦:❖❖:❦❦::::::!wc100……….

  • Oscarlating Wildely

    I’d hate to be that Queer Diva Queen but bitch, those eyebrows look like shit. And your lipstick needs a re-do. Of course, everything that you do needs a re-do. But points for the blouse matching the color of the demon sheep’s eyes from your last failed ad/job/policy/existence.

  • Maggie 4NoH8

    I just had a thought… what if those two are planning an INDEPENDENT run when Trump gets the nomination? I’d WHOLEHEARTEDLY support that!!!!