Samantha Bee Rips On Cruz’s Crackpot Pastors [VIDEO]

JMG reader Ray points us to the below clip in which Samantha Bee pokes fun at Ted Cruz’s cadre on crackpot preachers, running clips from Kevin Swanson, Flip Benham, and Mike Bickle. Bee closes with this: “By the way, when Democrats start calling for the execution of gays and Muslims, I promise I will hit them just as hard.” 

  • WebSlinger

    Yes, here is the actual clip to go along with this picture…seriously…you can not make this stuff up…

    • Michael Rush
      • Todd20036

        He got the “fool” part down pat.

      • pj

        he has my contempt for sure

      • PLAINTOM

        But God still killed him.

        • Dramphooey

          And Scalia earned his reward as a good and doughty servant of stupidity.

        • MikeinATL

          It was God’s will…

      • Dramphooey

        In religion compliments like “sophisticated” are reinterpreted as insults.

        • Jeffrey

          Strange but true.

        • unsavedheathen

          He’s using the original meaning of the root, sophism… the deception in debate by means of clever, specious arguments. The reinterpretation of the word as a complement is a modern one.

          • Steverino

            “…sophism… The deception in debate by means of clever, specious arguments.”

            Ironically, Scalia was denigrating people with a term that described him perfectly.

      • customartist


        • Craig Howell

          Long may he darn socks in hell!

        • Aralam

          Rot in phell?

      • Friday

        Err, what wisdom would he be referring to? Sometimes stupidity is also regarded as stupidity, on account of the stupid.

        • Michael Rush

          It’s there special secret language . They convoluted it so badly they can understand it either , but they still think it makes them superior .

      • Mike Rash

        Yes they CAN! And unfortunately you TOO…

    • JT

      This guy is known as the rich preacher’s accountant.

    • Todd20036

      Pi = 3 according to the bible. Better get busy. Hawking isn’t getting any younger. And I’m sure he’ll want to critique your formulas.

      • John30013

        Which is not an unreasonable approximation for the humans of that time. However, the inerrant word of an omniscient god would have stated the true value, and there are any number of ways to state it more precisely without listing the actual decimal expansion.

        • Todd20036

          I know, but the Christ eaters are big on the bible being correct word for word, so there it is.

          • John30013

            Exactly my point.

        • Robincho

          Which is probably in the trillions by now, and expanding still…

        • Steverino

          In practice, it’s clear that what the fundies think is inerrant is not so much the Bible itself, but their interpretation of it. It all goes to collective narcissism, of which the religious kind is the worst.

    • jmax

      The guy already believes snakes can talk, the earth can stop rotating for a while, and a crucified Jew can come back from the dead. So 2+2=5 is not much of a stretch for him.

    • Hank

    • Mike in NC


  • Lumpy Gaga

    Get right with the Bee, heathens.

  • Prion


  • Prion


  • Prion


  • Sam_Handwich

    “Princeton’s unwanted fetus” hhahahahah

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      Excuse me, but it appears your unwanted fetus has an open pussy sore.

  • Prion


  • Michael Rush

    Where can I find an open pussy sore to carve a
    happy face on to in direct defiance of Kevin Swanson ?

    • OdieDenCO

      Re: K. Swanson, T. Cruz, D. Drumpf (i.e. The GOP)

    • delk

      Insert Kim Davis joke here.

  • The Milkman

    Interesting that they cited those three “pastors”, but neglected to mention Cruz’ own father who is perhaps the freakiest of the bunch.

    • DaddyRay

      There probably just was not enough time to include that burning hot mess

    • M Jackson

      Perhaps they’re holding that incendiary father-to-progeny horror-episode for sometime around July, or maybe late October.

    • Mike in NC

      Rafael Cruz: proof that the turd doesn’t fall far from the asshole.

    • Great video! But but Cruz isn’t gay??

  • rednekokie

    Hooray for Samantha! She hits it right on the bullseye every time!

  • HesTheOneWhoSucks

    “By the way, when Democrats start calling for the execution of gays and Muslims, I promise I will hit them just as hard.”
    THANK YOU. Finally someone who won’t engage in this “they’re equally bad!” BS.

  • Jeffrey

    When I was a kid my parents were born again christians. Not uncommon in the south. We went to see all manner of loud preachers in tents and whatnot, but they were preaching FOR something, never against it. They preached love and kindness to your neighbor and for helping those who needed it. Nothing at all like today’s political messages of pro-wealth and pro-gun and anti-humanitarianism. Its all nonsense, but at least then it followed the word of the man for whom the religion was created. Anyway, years later I can promise you that I get more from Sunday brunch with our friends than I would from Sunday morning indoctrination with the pastor…and I don’t have to give 10% of my income to the waitress.

    • I know what you mean. My own father went through a ‘born again’ phase…and for a while, it was really nice. He was nicer. It lasted maybe 12-24 months for him…then it changed.

      Around then the core of the ‘born again’ movement was also changing, becoming more evangelical, more ‘fire and brimstone”, more replacing love and tolerance with judging, intolerance and hatred.

  • Robincho

    This is one Bee who’s SO on my A-list…

  • jomicur

    The right wing is still whining about Rev. Wright. But calling out Cruz’s pastors is anti-Christian bigotry, or something.

  • Robert Conner

    As a person who believes that religion in general, the Abrahamic religions in particular, are humanity’s single biggest mistake, I applaud Samantha Bee for exposing this hate speech to a wide audience. Oddly, lots of liberals carp about the ‘New Atheists,’ claiming they’re boorish, politically incorrect, etc, when it’s the preachments and actions of Christians that do the most to discredit their religion.

    Back when the Westboro clan began picketing the funerals of soldiers killed by IED’s I thought, “Yes! More please! Show us what lunatic fuckfaces for Jeezus look like! Tell us more about the Bible!” I am convinced that when people began to see that, something in their minds clicked and they ‘got it.’ In their own perverse way, the Westboro Baptists have done as much for LGBT civil liberties as any gay rights organization.

    • Friday

      Frankly a lot of ‘New Atheists’ come off just as obnoxious toward non-Atheists as do many Christians regarding non-Christians, that’s why.

      • Robert Conner

        I see that a lot, the “just as obnoxious” argument. Here’s my take, for whatever it’s worth.

        When a “New Atheist” cuts off a girl’s clitoris, throws some gay men off a building, flies a passenger plane into a building full of people, bombs a public conveyance, hides serial pedophiles for decades, beheads a reporter live on TV, issues a death sentence on a writer, or murders people because of a cartoon of a “prophet,” or signs a concordat with Hitler, or burns some witches and heretics to death, please get right back to us.

        Or…decide whose side you’re on. With all due respect, people who bitch about critics of religion who tell it like it is seem to have a defective moral compass or at the very least an extremely bizarre sense of moral priority. Let’s see…child brides or cartoons of Mohammed. Which is actually hurting someone? If you have to think about the answer, then you are in serious, serious trouble.

        • Friday

          Uh, no, I wasn’t comparing atrocities, (Though officially-Atheist authoritarian regimes are often just as brutal and repressive and homophobic as it suits them,) ….I’m talking about the ‘coming off as obnoxious.’

          • Robert Conner

            Like someone among the New Atheist camp wants you to “obey” them? Seriously? BTW, atheists in 2016 don’t support gulags and ‘reeducation’ camps. And no one’s “painting” you anything. We’re talking about 2016, not 1918. What I’m questioning is the moral priorities of people who carp about the ‘rudeness’ of atheists when Orthodox Serbians are killing Muslims, the Russian Orthodox Church is allied with skinheads, when the Roman Catholic Church persists in calling LGBT people mentally ill, and when Muslim extremists are murdering people on a nearly weekly basis in mass casualty events, and Christian shitkickers in the neo-Confederacy are shutting down women’s healthcare and passing laws against gay people.

            Yeah, “moderate” religious people are wonderful. Sadly not wonderful enough to vote the crazy religious people out of office.

          • Friday

            Umm, you’re still trying to shove ‘you religious people’ nonsense off onto anyone that thinks differently from you, and yes, he was in fact telling me what to do. Too many ‘New Atheists’ are in fact really just picking another flag to wave in exactly the same ways. I am not some “Moderate” between “Fundie Christian or Muslim and Hardcore Atheist.” I’m a Pagan, I don’t even *exist* on that spectrum, nor do I answer to what ‘New Atheists’ and monotheists alike claim “Religion” even *is.*

          • Robert Conner

            As my original post reveals, I focus particularly on the “Abrahamic” cults, which Gore Vidal famously and accurately called, “the death religions.” In this online essay, which I encourage you to read in full, I briefly remark that Christianity displaced nuanced forms of paganism, forms that would have potentially changed humanity’s relationship with the natural world by proposing some form of panpsychism. De Quincey’s Radical Nature: The Soul of Matter is a modern restatement of those views. Since speculating how our lives would be different without the “Abrahamic” cults is ahistorical and counter-factual, it’s also pointless, but that said, I suspect our world would be far different, probably better, had the Romans smothered Christianity in its cradle.


            As a pagan, I would assume that you would agree that the ‘death religions’ have moved beyond mass murder of people to the mass murder of a planetary ecology. I think that is not an overstatement: Judaism is the first religion I know of to say that God gave the Earth to humans to fill up and do with what they will, “subdue” it, with God’s blessing! (Genesis 1:28) We’re all seeing how that turned out! And it is not a coincidence that opposition to the very idea of global climate change comes from fundamentalist Christians.

            But let’s not assume that ‘paganism,’ which covers a wide spectrum of (un)belief, is historically innocent of atrocity. Unless, of course, we want to let the Aztecs with their skull racks or the Greco-Romans with their hecatombs off the hook. My point is that if one wants to buy into ‘religion,’ one gets the whole package, a case of being careful what you wish for if there ever was one.

          • Friday

            Uh, no, Paganism, capital P. Christianists claim it’s the same as ‘no religion at all,’ but I’m using it in the sense of a proper name here, *not* Christian-Atheist ‘defining others by’ (And no, that doesn’t refer to Aztecs even if the Christians used the same tactics against *them.* (Among those tactics are…. Not telling the truth or even understanding what they’re seeing, or trying to, but wrong continent.) )

            I made very specific points about why you can’t self-reflect on why you come off and often actually behave no differently. It has nothing to do with you jumping to the usual boilerplate stuff from the argument you are having with *Christians* and then claim that somehow ‘All religions are the same you must be on the bad guys’ side.’

            Pagan religions, and there are many, even from the cultures that properly refers to, (Most aboriginal religions don’t like to be called ‘Pagans’ because the colonialists used that as a *slur,* why take *that* Christianist propaganda of all things at face value? Cause ‘all non-atheists are the same, and I don’t have to know what I’m talking about?’ ) ….Pagan religions *aren’t* all the same nor even thinking what Atheists and monotheists argue about is even the *point,* …Never mind claiming the ‘perfection’ or ‘authority’ Atheists and monotheists squabble over.

            Of course ‘Pagan’ religions aren’t ‘perfect,’ …they aren’t even supposed to be. Spirit is a *process,* not a ‘product.’ (One reason modern Pagans are so damn fractious and generally *like* it that way, is cause arrogating too much of certain kinds of ‘authority’ attracts those who only want the power and authority. (Also why modern Pagans have no interest in theocracy: *our* religions aren’t even *structured* as a government or ‘higher authority’ that way. It’s also why we aren’t in conflict with what science *can* know. (What sophistic Atheists claim *isn’t* real, or possible, including the fact that the human experience is not entirely contained to the cerebral cortex, nor should it be, nor is trying to make it so productibve… Well, that’s where the much vaunted ‘assumption of superior reason over all ‘superstitionists’ falls *flat on its face.*

            But more briefly, when you *always* act as though you’re above challenge unless someone is of your Atheist belief, you really are just like the monotheists believing in one less God.

          • Friday

            In even shorter form, you try to cram all non-Atheists into your argument with Christians. You don’t even address what anyone else is actually *talking* about. (In this case your arrogant belief you get to define everyone outside your in-group. So much so that you throw away your own base principles about reason and facts or what you’re even supposedly *responding* to. Sound familiar?)

          • StudioTodd

            But the authoritarian regimes you are referring to did not do it “in the name of” atheism.

          • Friday

            The point is it’s the authoritarianism, not whether or not someone’s Atheist.

          • StudioTodd

            “Though officially-Atheist authoritarian regimes are often just as brutal and repressive and homophobic as it suits them…”

            That’s what you said. If authoritarianism was your point, why point to their atheism?

          • Friday

            Uh, actually I was responding to a certain someone trying to blame *non*-Atheism for things that Atheism is no proof against either.

            The authoritarianism is where those atrocities he brought up to deflect from matters of fact and *manners,* comes from. Blaming ‘non-Atheism’ for atrocities does not even *correlate* to these things. Authoritarianism, theocratic or not, *does.*

          • Friday

            Umm, that was just to refute the deflection, not saying what I said was about the deflection in the first place, btw.

      • Sorry, can’t go there either. There’s a world of difference between being smug and obnoxious versus justifying imprisonment, violence, war, and mutilations in the name of an irrefutable religious belief which does not tolerate violations of orthodoxy or doctrine.

        Only one of those two groups is working hard to take away my rights as as human being, and it’s not the atheists.

        • Friday

          I wasn’t drawing that equivalency there. You’re the only one saying that. But when Atheists attack all non-Atheists verbally, often saying untrue things about ‘all religions,’ … it doesn’t come off as any different from them being just another bunch of people demanding everyone convert to their religious views.

          • StudioTodd

            I’m curious about what you consider to be “untrue” things atheists say about religion?

          • Friday

            Usually when you say ‘All religions’ it’s immediately followed by something non-factual, actually.

          • StudioTodd

            Sort of like when you say “atheists attack all non-atheists?”

          • Friday

            I said ‘When.’ Do you understand what a conditional statement is, ‘logic-man?’

          • StudioTodd

            Yeah, I said “when” as well. If you are going to paint with a broad brush, you should be careful about painting yourself with it.

          • Friday

            Not in the statement I was responding to, that you tried to paint otherwise, you didn’t.

          • StudioTodd

            And by the way, refuting irrational beliefs is in no way a demand to convert to anything…if the religious person feels pressure to “convert,” I’m sure it’s simply their logical mind screaming to be released from the prison of “faith.”

          • Friday

            It’s nothing to do with that (Again, sounding like the Christians, there.) Frankly, you don’t get *anywhere near* what my faith or beliefs are about, anyway, and that’s much of the point. It’s irrational to claim ‘All non-Atheists are the Divil cause I blame non-Atheism for what’s done by authoritarian religions.’ Also irrational to want to shove other religious minorities onto the other ‘side’ just for some notion of ‘atheistic purity.’

          • StudioTodd

            It’s nothing to do with what? I’ve said absolutely nothing about your faith or beliefs…I don’t know why you even bring it up. Your beliefs are irrelevant.

          • Friday

            I didn’t. You guys made it about other things to deflect when I pointed out that I see *lots* of obnoxious ‘New Atheist’ stuff that does in fact come off that way you guys here are trying to act all ill-used over while… Actually smearing other religions over not being of *your* point of view. If you’re not even addressing the *actual* facts, why should anyone believe *you* about your claims, any more than the Christian claims?

            Reason is a *skill,* not a universal law. Science, is a *tool,* not an actual ‘law’ (I think ‘laws of nature’ is a misnomer: We don’t have ‘laws of the universe,’ what we have is *maps* of the Universe. Just because they have numbers doesn’t mean we know it all, or that if something isn’t on a particular map that it’s not there..) Reason? Facts? Science? Great. Use them. That includes don’t assume you know the *anthropology* about someone better than they do cause you think you’re all that for a rational materialist creed. .

          • Friday

            Look at how you framed your claims against someone not-unfriendly, actually, trying to point out how you sound to minority religions. Doing that *more* still isn’t listening or learning.

        • JCF

          I think trying to reduce Homo sapiens into two groups, “theists” and “atheists” (even if you add a third group, agnostics), is reductio ad absurdum. There’s just way too much diversity across the (human) board.

          As much as humans like to feel all “in-group” (especially in reaction to the “out-group”), in reality there as many kinds of theism AND atheism AND agnosticism are there are individuals.

      • CottonBlimp

        Not that there aren’t assholes in every group, but there’s also a societal prejudice whereby we’d look more harshly on someone passing out atheism tracts on the subway than someone passing out Chick tracts, despite the fact that those Chick tracts have real evil in them.

  • Helen Damnation ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

    “Don’t you dare carve happy faces on open, pussy sores!”

    What the FUCK does this even mean?

  • The Daily Show really, really, really fucked up big time when they didn’t replace Jon Stewart with Sam Bee. She’s a treasure.

    I also hope TBS realizes what they have here and start putting her show on more than once a week.

    • CottonBlimp

      So this. There’s nothing particularly wrong with Trevor Noah, he’s just…. bland. I keep trying to watch the Daily Show and i struggle to make it through an episode.

      Bee would have kept the show passionate and hard hitting, which was the whole appeal.