Todd Starnes Has GOP Infighting Sadz

“As we say in the South — it’s time for a ‘Come to Jesus Moment.’ The 2016 Republican presidential race has been one of the most rancorous in recent history. The behavior of the candidates and their followers has been downright repulsive. There are no clean hands among this bunch. Instead of focusing squarely on the issues at hand — they have chosen to engage in ugly personal attacks.

“I’m especially disappointed in the behavior of those devout followers of both Donald Trump and Ted Cruz. For what it’s worth many good-hearted conservatives have been caught in the crossfire between the warring factions. They have filled our Facebook pages and Twitter feeds with filthy messages. Reasoned and thoughtful conversation has been replaced with hateful rhetoric and insults.

“If you praise Trump, the Cruz people attack. If you praise Cruz, the Trump people attack. If you criticize Trump, you’re accused of being a left wing liberal. If you criticize Cruz, you’re accused of being an establishment Republican.

“Perhaps you could stick to those issues instead of unleashing your attack dogs on our Facebook pages and Twitter feeds. It’s way past time to restore civility and decorum to the Republican presidential primary. So knock it off and stop acting like a bunch of five-year-old Democrats – otherwise we may have to learn how to say, ‘Madame President’.”- Todd Starnes, writing for Fox News.

  • Rod Steely

    Toad- Nobody cares what you say in the South. Or what you say at all!

    • Chucktech

      The fact that they say it in the South makes me want to hear it even less.

  • cowboyinbrla

    They’re getting pretty desperate, aren’t they?

  • Bruno

    Blah blah blah civility blah blah blah gays are fascists blah blah blah reason blah blah blah Christians are being consterpinated!

  • Ben in Oakland

    There are no clean hands among this bunch,
    said toddy as he vigorously washed his voluminously pudgy hands.

    • BearEyes

      out, out, damned spot!

  • ceeenbee

    “Can’t we all just get along and come together to bash LGBTQs? like we always do?”

    After all, toad, that’s what’s important, eh?

  • Prion

  • MrSkippy

    Todd, this is how you taught the GOP to behave. As you also say in the South “You reap what you sow”

    Y’all planted the seeds of this shit show… now it dun growed up and bloomed!

  • KnownDonorDad

    “There are no clean hands among this bunch.” Say what you will about Kasich, he kept his sense of decorum through this. Of course, Starnes goes on to make it clear that he is talking about Trump and Cruz here.

    • Exatron

      The sad part for Kasich is that Republican primary voters don’t want the candidate who sounds like a reasonable adult compared to the others.

    • VodkaAndPolitics

      I’ve read somethings and seen some videos that seem to indicate that Kasich plays this folksy TV Dad bit when the National Cameras are rolling, but behind closed doors he’s every bit as awful as the rest of the clown car.

      • Chucktech

        Then at least he has enough sense to keep it behind closed doors.

        • VodkaAndPolitics

          Good Point. A rare instance of at least SOME better judgement.

      • Gustav2
      • Treant

        I’m sure, but I’m equally sure that Clinton and Sanders trash talk each other mercilessly to (respectively) Bill and Jane.

        Decorum in public is necessary. How you express your frustrations to your spouse and closest friends is another thing entirely.

      • JoeNCA

        Trump says we should punish women.

        Cruz voted to punish women.

        Kasich signed the law punishing women.

        • Frank McCormick

          “Decorum” or not, it’s the same ugly message.

  • Prion

    ..,

  • Prion

    .,.

  • clay

    “The behavior of the candidates and their followers has been downright repulsive. There are no clean hands among this bunch. . . I’m especially disappointed in the behavior of those devout followers of . . . Donald Trump.”

    Such as yourself? Haven’t you endorsed Turmp?

  • David

    Just looking at that creepy douche makes my skin crawl.

    • Capritaur

      I really wish Joe would go back to the NRA hat picture. The new picture is astonishingly disturbing.

  • Michael Rush

    Turd Stains .

  • VodkaAndPolitics

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but hasn’t Todd Starnes been stirring the shit in his primary the whole time?!

    • PLAINTOM

      Bingo

    • Todd Allis

      Like Voldemort calling for civility.

    • RaygunsGoZap

      When a pig lives in shit, every move it makes is stirring.

    • kaydenpat

      And now acting shocked at the incivility. Shocked, I tell ya!

  • clay

    Toad probably drinks his own pee because no else wants to play with him.

    • Mark

      eeeeeewwwwwwww

  • Prion

    .,,

    • JoeNCA

      Don’t you hate it when people take taxpayer money and refuse to work?

      • Jerry

        Need to drug test them before they receive taxpayer money…

    • kaydenpat

      And now completely refusing to even consider President Obama’s SCOTUS nominees. Nice job if you can get it. All you do is run your mouth and obstruct.

  • MattM

    As if self awareness would help them.

  • bkmn

    That’s the problem when you let every little faction in your group have their own absolute litmus test.

    Lard Starnes is sad.

  • Neely OHara

    He just used “civility, decorum, and Republican” in the same sentence!

  • Roadrash548

    Well Todd, everyone over the age of 5 can parrot “Madame President.” Did you just confess that you don’t know how and will have to be tutored to learn how to say it? I’d believe that.
    Better get started.

  • another_steve

    Todd Starnes and the far-right railing against “ugly attacks.”

    I mean, really…is this stuff real, or are we all living through a cosmic Monty Python routine or something?

  • i guess that other guy isn’t even on Toadie’s radar. but i’d love to see Kas-Itch keep spending that donor money, trying to get noticed, by anyone.

  • JT

    You mean, a come to Cheez Whiz moment, Toddy, and you’ve obviously had many of them.

  • Harley

    Madam President. Madam President. Madam President. Sounds good to me. Really rolls off the tongue nicely.

    • Treant

      Just saying that makes me moist as a Twinkie in my naughty bits.

      • Mark

        Or as moist as my great aunties devils food cake — mmmmmmm

    • Steve Teeter

      You know who’s going to be the first person to say that? Conservative Chief Justice John Roberts. He’s the one who will swear her in, and then say, “Congratulations, Madam President.” It may stick in his craw, but he’ll have to say it.

    • jomai

      Ms. Tahd is just jealous that she’ll never be called Madam President outside of her sex dungeon/mom’s basement.

  • TampaZeke

    The lack of self-awareness among Republican politicians and pundits is astonishing beyond belief!

  • That_Looks_Delicious

    And having to say “Madam President” would irreparably damage Todd’s staggering manly man virility.

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

    • BearEyes

      I almost did a spit-take on that – LOL!

    • Treant

      He’d best consider it damaged because I currently calculate a 70% chance he’ll be needing to say exactly that.

      Not that he will, of course, she’ll be “Bitch Hillary” from day 1, of course.

      • Gustav2

        “Presidentriss Clinton.” during Family Hour.

        • That_Looks_Delicious

          I prefer “Presidentrix”. With 6″ stiletto heels.

    • Chuck in NYC

      He looks like he lives exclusively on poppin’ fresh crescent rolls.

      • RaygunsGoZap

        He looks like he smells like wet dough

      • clay

        or pig grease.

    • Cuberly
      • oikos

        Packed in real urine.

        • Cuberly

          I think you’re right, that’s some scary lookin shit. Urine brined toddler meat sticks. (urp)

          • clay

            What not to take to a potluck bris?

          • Cuberly

            Ha!

            Maybe that’s what it’s made from.

          • Lumpy Gaga

            Living close to the Italian market, I’m spoiled by fresh toddler.

          • Cuberly

            The dark secret behind…..prosciutto!

          • Phillip in L.A.

            There must be something going around–see my response upthread to KissMaGrits, clay!

        • Hank

          They do not look Kosher to me!!! Anyone knows what “meats” are in them??

          • teeveedub

            I’m pretty sure it’s the stuff that’s not up to sufficient quality for dog food. You know, the stuff that gets scraped up off the slaughterhouse floor at the end of the month.

          • clay

            uh, “toddlers”, says it right there on the label, no?
            I don’t know why they missed the apostrophe, however.

          • Robincho

            Thank you, Wednesday Addams…

          • Cuberly

            Probably the same things that go in regular hotdogs.

            http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/gif/hotdogmade3.gif

          • jimbo65

            Oh good Lord, I’m never eating another hot dog ever. Not that I do anyways, but eww, just eww Damn it Cuberly! ;P

          • Cuberly

            lol…sorry, couldn’t resist, I’ll hold off on posting the gif of mechanically separated chicken used for lunch meat…..lol…..

          • jimbo65

            Ugh. Don’t hold back on my account. I’m not one to deny another man his pleasures. Sick as they might be. Lol

          • Cuberly

            Ok then, here ya go. The music really lends itself to the process, don’t you think?

            https://youtu.be/w2sndz9tNlw?t=43

          • jimbo65

            Oh ya, almost a soaring, cheery industrial might kind of jingle. Ugh, you know in one evening, you seriously have me considering veganism. Btw, you’re the devil…But that’s ok!

          • Cuberly

            Thank you 😉 devilish can be fun.

            Yeah when you see the sausage being made it’s not a pretty sight. But then I’ve been present when my hunter relatives dressed dead deer or elk. Still, that’s rather different than the mechanized stuff if you ask me.

            Actually I always thought it odd they referred to it as “dressing”. Sounds like getting ready for a party or something.

          • Rebecca Gardner

            I was a vegetarian for decades. I quit because I was sick of my Doctor complaining about my Iron deficiency. I think I just became a vegetarian again and will take vitamin supplements.

          • Cuberly

            No no no…you’re healing. Just do Nyman Ranch stuff. That’s what I do. If not Nyman there’s others out there to choose from. We’re lucky where we live, there are quite a few options available in the Bay Area.

            I just try and keep things local as much as I can.

          • Todd Allis

            The music is glorious!

          • Cuberly

            HA!

            Music to force raw chicken meat through a metal screen in order to liquify it to….talk about a very specific genre.

          • clay

            good contrast to the closed captioning.

          • Homo Erectus

            Looks kinda like a Trump rally.

        • Robincho

          Urine the money, urine the money, u’ve got a lot of what it takes to get along!…

      • kaydenpat

        I hope that jar isn’t actually a thing. Barf.

        • Cuberly

          Unfortunately it is.

          Part of a whole new foods line by Gerber.

          • AtticusP

            The new Donner Party brand…?

          • Cuberly

            I doubt even the Donner Party would have eaten Todd’lers Meat Sticks.

          • AtticusP

            Standards…

          • popebuck1

            It wouldn’t be worth it. A toddler could feed MAYBE a family of four for one meal. They had a whole group to feed! Start with one of the fatter adults and work your way down.

          • Homo Erectus

            The perfect shape for your toddler to choke on.

          • Cuberly

            Yikes! But I imagine they’re pretty mushy.

      • kanehau

        Toddlers… SPAM for atheists.

      • jimbo65

        Geez. How many little dicks does he have? 😉

        • Cuberly

          Ewwww…..lol…

        • Stephen Elliot Phillips

          When ur that uptight u can only take the little ones

    • doug van boven

      Read the lines here, he just reaffirmed that no Republican ever, is going to vote Hillary so, she may be referred to as Secretary Clinton after the election.

    • ceeenbee

      He does look manly, especially in the second photo.

      • ColdCountry

        Isn’t the second photo Trump?

        • ceeenbee

          Could be. Don’t know without seeing his small hands.

        • Bad Tom

          Trump’s “wife”.

          • ColdCountry

            I have no reason to bash her. She probably gets enough of that from the Donald.

          • Bad Tom

            I’m thinking more his plastic version when his human wife says “No, Donald, you’ve been too much of an ass today.”

          • ColdCountry

            LOL!

      • edrex

        ah. so I’m not the only one who saw the resemblance.

      • JT

        Both pretty repulsive.

      • Snarkaholic
    • Snarkaholic

      You misspelled virginity.

    • JamesStone

      Well..at least for once in that article he didn’t say anything about those nasty gay folk that are trying to destroy our society…. I really wish “Anonymous” would attack his PC. I’d bet the farm he has a “gold” account to seancody! :O

  • oikos
    • Treant

      Great, now I want apple juice.

    • i hope that was from a herpes patient suffering from a particularly active and contagious outbreak on the urethra.

      • Cuberly

        …and after an asparagus hollandaise brunch.

  • PLAINTOM

    Translation : We only applaud these tactics when used against the Black man in the White House.

  • Chucktech

    ““As we say in the South — it’s time for a ‘Come to Jesus Moment.’”

    I’d sooner have a come to Mickey Mouse Moment or a Come to Bullwinkle Moment. They’re far more real than your dead Jesus.

    • MrSkippy

      Hey, that’s not nice. Jesus is a good guy. He mows my neighbor’s lawn. Pronounces his name a bit odd but whatever.

      • Paula

        Yeah, I have Jesus in this class. I asked him what would he do. He said he would just get high.

    • Mark

      We actually called it a come to jesus meeting….

      • Chucktech

        Yikes, that’s even worse! A moment versus a meeting??

        • Mark

          Yeah, if it came to that and I was running the meeting – – let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

    • Sk3ptic

      Change the “to” to an “on” and we’ve got a deal.

      • kanehau

        Personally, “in” came to mind.

    • Cuberly

      I can think of some cartoon/artwork I wouldn’t mind, coming to…erm…….

      http://www.interviewmagazine.com/files/2015/06/15/img-tom-of-finland_075728884752.jpg

      • Chucktech

        Hmmm… Tits are too big…

        • Cuberly

          Ha!

  • J S

    The sin of gluttony is written all over Todd Starnes, from his double chin to the roll of fat at the top of his inner thighs that almost completely obscures his small penis.

  • Treant

    OK, can the canned ham not get his glasses or lipstick right? It’s not that hard.

    • agcons

      Add his eyebrows to your list. They’re shaved halfway across, for Gawd’s sake.

  • Gustav2

    You built it!

  • Smokey

    Like it is a surprise…

    • Treant

      Don’t dragon’s teeth grow you an army that fights FOR you? Is he on coke again?

      • ColdCountry

        Not that I’ve heard. Dragons are an independent lot.

      • RaygunsGoZap

        An army of skeletons. But it has to be a Greek dragon.

        • Gianni

          Yes, those were the Hydra’s teeth. Each tooth became a skeleton warrior. “Jason and the Argonauts” I believe.

          • grada3784

            Dragon’s teeth warriors were involved in the founding of Thebes and are more a propos for the Republicans, since they fought each other until only 5 were left.

        • Treant

          Greek, French, I do both.

          • Robincho

            I have a Mr. “Dirty” Sanchez for you on line two. He says he’s feeling international all of a sudden…

      • JT

        They end up attacking each other because they don’t know where the stone thrown at them came from.

      • Veylon

        In defense of Mr. King, I think this is a great mixed metaphor. They thought they were making an army to support them, but they actually made a monster.

        • Kissmagrits

          Another famous quote in a slightly different context –

          “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth is an ungrateful child” – referring to teenage children I presume.

          • popebuck1

            Applicable to teenagers, certainly – but it’s from “King Lear,” when Lear is kicked out of the house by his grown daughters.

          • Craig Howell

            One of whom is named Regan, an obvious misspelling.

    • Capritaur

      I knew bacon was a vegetable!

      • Doug105

        Blesmphey!!!

      • another_steve

        Bacon is the number one reason for the decline of Orthodox Judaism in the world today.

        I mean, if you have to choose between bacon and imaginary eternal damnation…duh…

        • Kissmagrits

          I was in Navy electronics school and knew this Orthodox lad
          from the Bronx. Weitzman kept careful kosher until he discovered ham
          sandwiches. Then he became secretive and had a haunted look.

          • Phillip in L.A.

            I started to read, “Weitzman kept careful kosher until he discovered foreskins in the Bronx”

          • Kissmagrits

            You’s a nasty man – – –

          • another_steve

            I’m culturally (not religiously) Jewish, and when I moved from Brooklyn NY, where I grew up, to Maryland, where I live now, I discovered scrapple.

            When the cultural NYC Jews I left behind ask me what scrapple is, I tell them it’s composed of pig things that can’t legally be made into sausage.

            I’m absolutely addicted to the stuff now.

          • clay

            (You do know how to read package labels– Scrapple is mostly buckwheat groats, it contains nearly no protein, it just tastes like that because it’s cooked in pork broth.)

          • another_steve

            WHAT !!??!! IT’S HEALTH FOOD ???

            Zeus is good. 🙂

          • clay

            It’s processed starch.

    • bkmn

      Just 8?

      • JT

        8 is enough.

        • Cuberly
          • JT
          • Cuberly

            Be vewy qwiet, i’m gwifting money..eh eh eh eh eh eh…

          • Todd20036

            Elmer wears his hat way better.
            He’s also more intelligent.

          • Homo Erectus

            At least Dick Van Patten can get his glasses on straight.

          • Cuberly

            Well, DVP is right-wing, but at least he had the sense of humor enough to be in a Mel Brooks movie. Tahd only smiles when he’s inflicting harm or channeling jebus’ fucking love….oh wait, I’m repeating myself.

          • Drew2U

            That’s because Van Patten doesnt have a penis for a nose.

          • Homo Erectus

            D’ya think Stains has a penis?

          • glass

            Actually I was thinking he is the male version of the blueberry gum girl from Willy Wonka.

          • perversatile

            ‘violet you’re turning violet’

          • Great reference, since Drumpf looks so much like Nurse Diesel.

          • Cuberly

            If you’re late, no fruit cup!

          • Cuberly

            Oh wow! The image didn’t load before. You are soooo right. Dang…that paralytic face thing going on. Wow.

          • Ginger Snap

            I had such a crush on The oldest brother David.

          • Cuberly

            Oh lordy yes, didn’t we all?

          • clay

            Apparently Grant Goodeve also sang the theme song for “Eight is Enough”

          • Sallycramirez3

            “my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.”….

            two days ago new Mc.Laren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month .,3-5 h/r of work a days ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Hereo!382➤➤➤➤➤ http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsJobs/GetPaid/98$hourly…. .❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:::::o!382…….

    • Adam

      He’s so rarely political, but when is, it’s brilliant.

  • Herald

    “So knock it off and stop acting like a bunch of five-year-old Democrats” Actually five year old Democrats act much more mature than the GOP mob.

    • popebuck1

      Remember, the Republican watchword is ALWAYS “projection.” Democrats are the repository of everything evil Republicans perceive in the world – most of which, if they were honest with themselves, would hit a lot closer to home.

  • Cuberly
    • Chucktech

      Those pee drinkers have a look, don’t they?

      • Cuberly

        Sure do….lol…

    • Compulsively.

    • Daveed_WOW

      Let’s not make pee-drinking sound bad.

  • KCMC

    it’s time for a ‘Come to Jesus Moment.’
    (for a spare, or…)

    • Treant

      Scarily, the AAA guy who showed up once to change my tire looked a bit like that (minus the sarong thing going on). I nearly offered him a tip…and the shaft.

      • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

        Did you put your finger in his holes, to verify he was really who he was claiming to be?

  • Friday

    Yeah, as if this Jesus stuff wasn’t what all the repulsive Republicans, Starnes definitely included, actually have in common.

  • Mark

    It’s cum to jeebux meeting you twit.

  • Lumpy Gaga

    I hate it when Daddy and Daddy fight!

    • Capritaur

      Didn’t know Milo Yiannopoulos had an oversized baby brother.

  • Ernest Endevor

    Why would he call Bernie Sanders ‘Madam President’?

  • boatboy_srq

    “The behavior of the candidates and their followers has been downright repulsive.”

    This is different from the previous four elections (Congressional and Presidential) how, exactly?

  • teeveedub

    It’s curious how, in all of the handwringing in the GOP about the rancor in this year’s campaign, everyone whose hands are being wrung – from Peggy Noonan to Todd (“Pee-Boy”) Starnes – manages to absolve themselves of any responsibility for that rancor. There’s this collective denial that the policies and behaviors of Republicans over the last few decades led directly to this. Instead they pretend that this just sort of happened in some inexplicable way, like a lightning bolt or a tornado striking a certain place.

  • ColdCountry

    As much as it pains me, and with the exception of the Democrat label on 5-year-olds, I have to agree. Not that it makes me sad, except for the state and the reputation of our country. I think Madam President has a nice ring to it.

  • “…many good-hearted conservatives have been caught in the crossfire between the warring factions.”

    Good-hearted conservatives? Who would those be? The conservatives who didn’t hate gays even back in the 80’s and 90’s? I’m trying to remember if I ever met any.

    • Phillip in L.A.

      Even Andrew Sullivan hated us back in the 80’s & 90’s, Ritorna Vincitor! ;}

  • Matt

    Damn – could he BE any more creepy? Makes You-Cruz-You-Lose look downright hot.

    • William

      Eeew.

    • edrex

      In that photo he looks like a very tired and overused sex toy.

  • HZ81

    Is Todd drowning his sorrows, literally, at the glory hole?

  • M Jackson

    Pig Boy needs another booster seat if he hopes to reach The High Ground.

  • Bad Tom

    It’s time for a Come to Jesus moment. –Todd Starnes

    Todd, you are in the running for one of the least Jesus-like people on the planet.
    ——-
    The competition is fierce.

  • MikeBx2

    Exactly when has Starnes used and encouraged others to use “reasoned and thoughtful conversation”?

    • clay

      Aren’t his Christmas Spectaculars examples of “reasoned and thoughtful conversation”? No? Well, then . . .

  • Tom G

    “Five year old democrats” That’s an insult? Their people created this mess

  • William

    Since when is Cruz an ‘establishment Republican’?

    • pj

      unless you are established in crazy town

  • boatboy_srq

    Y’know, I think Starnes looks more disturbing than that Kasich-animated Cruzinocchio – and that was computer-generated so presumably not physically accurate.

  • edrex

    Maybe you’re acting like five year old Democrats, but it’s the ADULT voting age Democrats that will hand your asses a Madame President.

  • camel54

    I’m impressed that there are spectacles specifically designed to make your eyes look tiny and very, very close together.

    • clay

      I’m impressed because they’re specifically designed to achieve the opposite effect!

  • Rebecca Gardner

    “They have filled our Facebook pages and Twitter feeds with filthy messages. Reasoned and thoughtful conversation has been replaced with hateful rhetoric and insults.”

    This is nothing new. RWNJs have been full of vitriol for years. They just no longer hold back on their racism, misogyny, homophobia, and xenophobia with dog-whistles. They come right out and say it!

  • Rebecca Gardner
    • Homo Erectus

      I never thought I would agree with Chuck so whole-heartedly.

  • MB

    What an impertinent, pathetic whining little ignorant douchenozzle Southern Baptist fuckweasel.
    …. Holy Jubilation T. Hambone, Batman….somebody call the Waaaahhhmbulance.

    http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/6f/6f9f87d466bc9e2132cb493078cd5d5e6900ca3deab82b1d42861c1fb950a32c.jpg

  • JT

    This just in, tales of the crypt:

    George Mason law school to be renamed the Antonin Scalia School of Law

    • 2guysnamedjoe

      Holy s*hit. I thought you just made that up.

  • tcinsf

    Rhetorical question: will this putrid gob of half-melted pig grease ever realize
    That he’s part of the problem and is in no position to propose a solution??

    • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

      Rhetorical answer: No.

  • Duane Dimitrov

    What sorts of physical ailments do you think Todd Boy has?

    My bet is COPD and diabetes.

    • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

      Chronic jabbatongueistis.
      https://m.popkey.co/6d5e22/lNxYZ.gif

    • Homo Erectus

      Early onset dementia?

      • TuuxKabin

        Wasn’t early.

        • Homo Erectus

          Not early enough.

    • clay

      throw in arteriosclerosis and congestive heart failure– he’s already had at least one by-pass.

      his diet suggests he’d be at high risk for kidney disease and gall bladder problems, as well.

      can we give him gout, as well? he doesn’t look like the “active” type.

      • Octavio

        Yes. Gout! That’ll make him squeal!

      • Duane Dimitrov

        He looks like someone who could cause women’s ovaries to shut down permanently.

  • anne marie in philly

    you ARE going to learn to say “madame president”, even if we have to shove it down your throat and up yo ass!

    • Homo Erectus

      It sounds so much more refined than “uppity president”.

  • TheSeer

    “Reasoned and thoughtful conversation has been replaced with hateful rhetoric and insults.”

    Yes, 40 years ago.

  • kaydenpat

    “It’s way past time to restore civility and decorum to the Republican presidential primary.”

    Hahahahaha.

    So exactly when was this Republican presidential primary ever civil? Starnes must think we’re all stupid and haven’t noticed the ugliness and rancor over the last year.

  • Cuberly

    OT: Sorry…but…Bwahahahahahaha….

    https://twitter.com/atlblog/status/715626458576785410

    • Who knew Scalia would be granted the means to troll us all from beyond the grave?

      • Cuberly

        GOP legacy trolling. They’re going to attempt to legacy the hell out of him. Here’s hoping every bit of his catastrophic dreck is overturned when a Dem is in the WH and SCOTUS appts make their impact.

        • Phillip in L.A.

          I was just reviewing some First Amendment law earlier, and there is a pretty decent argument that the Supreme Court is already backing away from one of Scalia’s “legacies”–the Smith case (Native Americans denied Oregon State unemployment benefits, where they used peyote in religious ceremonies in violation of criminal “law of general applicability”).

          But only time will tell!

          • TuuxKabin

            Damn what a mean ol’ coot he was.

        • billbear1961

          Hear, hear!!

      • Phillip in L.A.

        Scalia’s not doing this, BeccaM, he’s still dead as a doornail.

    • bkmn

      I would have thought Liberty University would have trademarked that name.

    • Craig Howell

      It’ll be right next to the William Jennings Bryan School For Scientific Studies.

    • Chuck in NYC

      Um, April Fool’s?

      • Cuberly

        I was sort of wondering that myself.

        Guess we’ll find out tomorrow. 😉

    • billbear1961

      Where justice and democracy go to be spat on and battered to death!

  • Mark Neé Fuzz

    I’d say one bad apple spoiled the barrel except the GOP barrel was chock full of rotten apples.

    • clay

      Toad Starnes probably drinks his own cider.

  • Bruno

    MISSISSIPPI (per EQCF): Judge grants preliminary injunction OVERTURNING the state’s law banning adoption by married gay couples. http://files.eqcf.org/cases/315-cv-00578-67/

  • Homo Erectus

    Why does that picture of Stains make me think of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence?

    • You bite your tongue! The Sisters are kind, loving, and tolerant — plus a hell of a lot of fun at parties. They’re creative and filled with joy and love.

      Starnes is the polar opposite of all those things.

      (Fair disclosure: Some years back, I was informally adopted by several of the Sisters as a ‘wayward orphan daughter’, so I can’t claim to be objective.)

      • Homo Erectus

        Sorry, I was only referring to the pasty look.

  • “They have filled our Facebook pages and Twitter feeds with filthy messages. Reasoned and thoughtful conversation has been replaced with hateful rhetoric and insults.”

    Because as most wingnut conservatives know, filthy messages, hateful rhetoric and insults are supposed to be directed exclusively outward at liberals and progressives, amirite?

  • safari2bongaloo

  • bkmn

    After a long, hard day Lard Starnes likes to enjoy one of his home brews. He calls them Lard Starnes Urine Ale™.

  • Matthew Delemos

    I’m guessing a “come to Jesus moment” doesn’t involve diet or exercise.

    • clay

      If you’ve got a shit diet and are not just sedentary, but immobile, I imagine you get to Jesus that much quicker.

  • Secure

    Oh snarf

  • Lindoro Almaviva

    He should know about despicable

  • Lindoro Almaviva

    So he finally admits that 5 year old democrats have way more maturity than republicans. Interesting

  • Mike C

    “As we say in the South”…He lives in fucking Brooklyn!

    • Homo Erectus

      “Yankees in Atlanta????”

  • JustSayin’

    Stain is not from the south.

  • Mr_Furley

    “Reasoned and thoughtful conversation has been replaced with hateful rhetoric and insults.”

    Todd, hateful rhetoric and insults are your bread and butter right there!

    His lack of self awareness is astounding…

    • Reality.Bites

      Not merely SELF-awareness. Amoebas are more aware of the world than Todd.

  • Luther Kreiger

    I can’t imagine why that fleshy, pink, squirming poster-boy for raw self-comfortable masculinity would be from “Bitter America.” It’s a total, open-mouthed, ruby-lipped mystery….

  • Ninja0980

    You reap what you sow asshole.
    Your party sowed the seeds for this, you can’t be shocked it’s now blossomed into something you can’t cull back.

  • justmeeeee

    It’s MS. President, thank you.

    • Jean-Marc in Canada

      Actually no, it’s Madame President, whether you like it or not is irrelevant.

      • billbear1961

        Yes, but without the “e” in English, Jean-Marc!

        I hope we will be saying “Madam President” very soon!

        • Octavio

          I think we need to address her in a more homey way, like “Hilree gurl.” “Hilree gurl, got Pootin on line one for ya.” It just flows off the tongue . . . . . . . . . .

        • Jean-Marc in Canada

          It’s the French in me 😊

          • M Jackson

            I had one in me once.

          • Jean-Marc in Canada

            Cheeky boy 🙂

      • justmeeeee

        blow me, bitch. we don’t say “Sir President” either. it’s my culture!

        • Jean-Marc in Canada

          U mad brother? 😁😂😁😂😁

    • Homo Erectus

      What’s wrong with just President?

      • justmeeeee

        or just “Prez”

      • clay

        “Happy Birthday to you.”
        “Happy Birthday to you.”
        “Happy Birthday, . . . President.”

        just doesn’t flow.

        • TuuxKabin

          Doesn’t, does it.

  • OMG, acting like 5yr old dems, he is soooooo witty!!!

  • billbear1961

    Good-hearted conservatives? WHERE, you hateful, bigoted LIAR?!

    There MAY be a FEW in OTHER countries, but NOT in THIS one–not anymore, not for a LONG time!!

    Repulsive behaviour? THAT is something you know ALL about, since YOURS is seldom anything ELSE!!

    Hateful rhetoric and insults? You EXCEL at BOTH!!

    A come-to-Jesus-moment? CHRIST, if I were you, you relentless CALUMNIST, you grinning, half-aborted MISTAKE OF NATURE, I’d steer well clear of Christ; for you fall into both of the only TWO groups of people he could not and would not abide: jackals who put MAMMON before all else, lackeys whose very souls are for sale to the highest bidder–and holier-than-thou, self-righteous hypocrites, FRAUDS!!

    • Michael Rush

      If you have a problem with Todd Starnes you should just say so .

    • Snarkaholic

      Also, the Bible says that if you have a defect in your eyesight, you may NOT offer the bread of your God…so shut your gaping, grease-splattered trap!

  • Dagoril

    “Dispatches from Bitter America”

    LOL.

  • Sam_Handwich
  • Jerry Hinnant

    She says while clutching her pearls and fanning away the vapors!

    • Snarkaholic

      While falling onto (and shattering beyond all repair) the nearest fainting couch!

      • another_steve

        Sexually-repressed heterosexual men are perhaps the most damaged of our species.

        I have sexually-repressed queer friends, but they pale in fucked-upness when compared to sexually-repressed straight boys.

  • tsapience

    Does this guy ever STFU about being from the south? Jeez, dude, we get it!

  • “…stop acting like a bunch of five-year-old Democrats.”

    I’m sorry, but BULLSHIT. Nothing the Democrats have said or done has gotten anywhere close to something like the GOP this cycle. Nor even the GOP last cycle, which in comparison was a model of decorum. Even at the Democrats’ most rancorous in 2008 was nothing like the GOP even in 2000. An overall valid point marred by having to throw some red meat to the GOP masses.

    • Octavio

      Thank you for noticing. 🙂

    • M Jackson

      He reread his piece, saw he wasn’t nearly partisan enough, so he added that bit.

    • Snarkaholic

      He just stole the ‘five year-old’ line from Anderson Cooper, who used it a day ago to refer to one of D. Frump’s dumb arguments; because Toad is too stupid to come up with any original/intelligent remarks.

      • TuuxKabin

        Right on. Nail, meet head of hammer, as in ‘you nailed it’. Thanks.

  • Octavio

    Todd, I just got the keys to the BIG GAY WEATHER MACHINE and have set in motion deadly storms for North Carolina and Mississippi. Are you listening Mississippi? I’m sending tornados your way. Be afraid. 🙁

  • Bruno

    Starnes will never compete with Pat Robertson in the Mr. Potato Head department.

  • Benny S.

    God bless Todd Starnes, The Peacemaker.

  • Robert Conner

    That picture of Toad looks like he’s have a cum to Jeezzus moment.

  • CQCQCQ

    He looks like the Pillsbury Doughboy would look were he addicted to meth.

  • Homo Erectus

    Why can’t he ever get his glasses on straight?

    • Sam_Handwich

      they are straight….it’s his head that’s on crooked

      • Robert Conner

        Starnes is part flounder. One of the eyes is moving to the top of his head.

    • rabbit_ears

      Butterball is made of grease, they keep sliding off.

    • M Jackson

      It’s one of the many problems that his face gives him.

  • Cuberly

    WOW! Tonight in Charlotte. Wells Fargo no less.

    https://twitter.com/equalitync/status/715694081666580481

    • Cuberly
    • DaddyRay

      Very pretty

      • Cuberly

        It is. The building is almost built for it…so perfect.

    • another_steve

      Nice.

      Wells Fargo is a gay-friendly bank. Lord knows, my uncontrollably flapping limp wrist has always put their customer-friendliness to the test, but they’ve obviously instilled in their workforce a respect for queer people, and I’ve always been treated with complete respect.

      I urge my queer sisters and brothers to do business with them.

      • Cuberly

        I actually marched in SF Pride in the WF contingent the year they started offering benefits to same sex spouses. It was a big deal, they were among the very first to take that jump. I forgot the year though, I want to say 90 or 91.

        They’ve been my bank ever since.

        • another_steve

          It was early, yes. They deserve credit for that.

          Nowadays, the mega-corporations have to lick our collective pussies if they want to stay competitive — but back then, it was brave of them.

  • Really, I heard this shit from the crazies in Indiana, not so much here in my home of Florida or where I was born in Texas. It doesn’t get more South than that, Jeebus freak.

  • Mike in Houston

    Self awareness is apparently tied to a recessive gene in right-wing DNA.

    • another_steve

      That, and personal grooming. A full day of reading here in JMG has shown me that right-wingers are not good at personal grooming.

      I can forgive anything, but a poorly manicured eyebrow tests the limits of my endurance.

  • Sporkfighter

    “For what it’s worth many good-hearted conservatives have been caught in the crossfire between the warring factions. They have filled our Facebook pages and Twitter feeds with filthy messages.”

    The filthy good-hearted conservatives?

  • Ginger Snap

    And he’ll be licking the boots* of whoever wins the nomination the second it’s announced. He’s such a lying piece if crap.

    * This is not intended to insult any boot licking fetish boys or girls.

    • another_steve

      Glad you included that footnote, Ginger.

      I can’t begin to tell you how many boot-licking videos from the 70s and 80s I own.

      • Ginger Snap

        Men in boots is my weakness especially Chippewa Loggers.

        • another_steve

          Here ya go hon.

          • Lumpy Gaga

            “Stylist”: fancy name for basket-wrangler

          • Ginger Snap

            Starting to tingle down there.

  • Tigernan Quinn

    All of this from someone who does nothing but post one vile thing after another.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    I feel really dumb, but can someone please explain to me the Todd Starnes pee drinking thing?

  • Justin

    Quite astonishing how strong the feeling of revulsion he inspires in a soul. Mostly I can remain farily neutral about pics of people I don’t like. Not with him. He really brings on the oh-ick-dear-god-what-is-it feeling.

    • another_steve

      My mama always taught me, “What heaven despises, it makes ugly.”

      Never doubt the wisdom of your mother.

      • Looksism sucks the big badoodie. Heaven despised Toulouse Lautrec? Or the Elephant Man?

        • lymis

          While I think the quote is an overstatement, and unfair to the non-photogenic, the fact is that when you spend time around someone who is wonderful inside, they often become beautiful, often in surprising ways. The reverse is true of those with pleasing outsides and vile insides – no matter how well they might photograph, they become ugly. (Often, even in photos).

          I think you’re right that the quote is “lookism,” but there is a truth to it.

          • I married Behrman because he was handsome. Wore off real quick.

  • JamesStone

    The red lipstick needs to go Todd!

  • Roy Biv

    Funny…he’s tacks on “five year old democrats” at the end when it’s their party who has ugly faces and tiny hands bleeding out of wherever.

  • Eric in Oakland

    “The 2016 Republican presidential race has been one of the most rancorous in recent history.”

    Just “recent” history?

  • grada3784

    Come to Jesus, melancholy baby.

  • DaveW

    As an independent I was ready to agree until the five year old dem comment.
    It seems he just can’t stop himself being the immature child he wants to bemoan in his comments. Simply leave out the silly jab at dems and he sounds believable .

    I want to place blame on this type of media commentary but it’s actually a symptom.

  • Daveed_WOW

    We shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that they allow us to live (mostly).

    This country is full of people to whom he is pandering. These people are afraid of a woman with power, an open homosexual, a black man in the White House and any kind of social program that doesn’t involve the post office or social security.

    The numbers are huge. The hatred and ignorance is more pervasive than the media lets on.

  • j.martindale

    My five year old grandkids never act as badly as your presidential candidates. (I assume they are Democrats, I wouldn’t want to have to disown them.)

  • Deacon Phreque

    Why do I get the strong impression that Todd Starnes is a sexual abuser of animals?

    • jmax

      Is drinking doggy pee considered animal abuse?

  • Sallycramirez3

    “my .friend’s mate Is getting 98$. HOURLY. on the internet.”….

    two days ago new Mc.Laren. F1 bought after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a days ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn. More right Hereo!381➤➤➤➤➤ http://GlobalSuperEmploymentVacanciesReportsJobs/GetPaid/98$hourly…. .❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:❖:❦:::::o!381………..

    • Homo Erectus

      Flagged, reported

  • My irony meter just melted down into a sad little puddle.

  • Michael Hampton

    You helped create this situation Toddles. Now enjoy becoming irrelevant.