Samantha Bee Goes Off On Ted Cruz [VIDEO]

Last night Samantha Bee totally educated her audience about Ted Cruz, his batshit father, and his buddies David Barton and Pastor Kevin “Kill The Gays” Swanson. Watch this. Raw Story recaps:

Samantha Bee examined Sen. Ted Cruz’s (R-TX) faith on Monday’s episode of Full Frontal, saying that it was significant that it was allies or his relatives claiming to receive divine messages calling for him to be president. “Guys, the message is clear: even God cannot stand to have a direct conversation with Ted Cruz,” Bee argued. Unfortunately for Republicans, she noted, the Tea Party lawmaker is the party’s only hope at the moment of avoiding having to nominate Donald Trump as its presidential candidate. Cruz is so disliked not even party stalwart Bob Dole could say that he liked him. “Bob Dole singled Ted out for hatred — and Bob Dole has fought actual Nazis,” she said.

  • Michael Rush
  • ceeenbee

    If turd cruz were to actually emerge as the nominee, the democrats will have a field day with his family and supporters. By the time they are done with them, moderate republicans will be sprinting away from him and ducking for cover.

    • Ninja0980

      That depends whether or not our side will unify or not.

      • ceeenbee

        Incredibly important that we do b

      • Tellersma

        Yeah. I support Clinton, but if Sanders gets the nomination I’m voting for him. I really hope the Sander’s supporters who are saying it’s him or nothing will change their minds if Clinton gets the nomination.

        • olandp

          I’m voting for Bernie today, but if it is Hillary, I’m there.

        • Reality.Bites

          The ones who say that were never going to vote for the Democratic candidate in the first place. If the race had been just Clinton and O’Malley, they’d either be supporting third-party or Trump. They aren’t Democrats and their votes are not available to the Democratic candidate. They’re not lost votes, they’re non-votes. Don’t worry about them.

          I’m not talking about people like olandp and chicago_dyke and others who’ve been around here a long time. I’m talking about the single-issue people who’ve just shown up recently.

          • Man_in_the_mists

            Also the new people showing up doing everything in their power to drive a wedge between Clinton supporters and Sanders supporters, most of them paying lip service to supporting Clinton. Yet when pressed if they would vote for Sanders if he wins they admit that they would not.

        • Mr. G.

          I voted for Bernie in the primary, but if Hillary is nominated, I’ll vote for her (even though that would more a vote against any GOP nominee than a vote “for” Hillary).

    • Dramphooey

      Every time somebody brings up candidates we’ll just cream I feel compelled to remind people the Carter campaign looked forward to running against Reagan who they were sure they’d be able to paint as an extremist.

      • ceeenbee

        Carter had Iran hostage, inflation, gas lines and a sagging economy along with Reagan, who despite his obvious flaws came off as a very likable person (even by those who hated just politics).

        turd cruz is despised by most everyone in his party and the people who despise him most are the people who know him best.

        But, we can not become over-confident and more importantly, we have to coalesce behind whoever ou nominee is like we have neve done before, because the stakes are so high.

        • Dramphooey

          I agree one hundred per cent with paragraph three! I’m really just saying we shouldn’t relish the other party nominating the worst because we might actually get stuck with it.

          • ceeenbee

            Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely think turd cruz is the scariest candidate and couldn’t think of a worse selection (worse even than the donald “. I just think that when his extreme views get played out for all to see and when his crazy assed father starts talking shouting as the anointed one, people will be rightly frightened.

        • olandp

          Democrats fall in love with their candidates, Republicans fall in line.

        • William

          The republican campaign negotiated with Iran to hold onto the hostages until after the election. These same republicans later negotiated illegal weapons sales to Iran, in violation of US law.

          • ceeenbee

            And they are the same repubicans who treasonously tried to sabotage the nuclear deal with iran.

          • McSwagg

            You didn’t expect them to let the groundwork they laid in the first issue to go unused did you? They are Republicans. They must exploit every ‘asset’ to its full potential. Legality is never to be seen as a roadblock.

  • Henri205

    She is brilliant.

  • PLAINTOM

    I truly fear Cruz more than Trump.

    • Dramphooey

      I agree; there is something seriously wrong with a person that nobody who actually deals with him on a personal level likes. They should never be trusted.

      • TrollopeReader

        after watching those video outtakes this winter, I’m not sure even his mom and daughters like him …. no “cuddly” love in that family…

        • McSwagg

          The reactions of his family in those videos proved that there is no ‘cuddly love’ in his family. The family reacted as they did because what he was attempting to do as a ‘photo op’ was just foreign to their everyday life. I grew up in that kind of family, so I recognize the signs..

    • Gustav2

      With a Republican Congress, holy crap.

      • Dramphooey

        Fortunately they all hate him.

        • If Cruz beats Trump and gets the nomination they will be lining up in front of him to do unmentionable things to please him. Sarah Palin might even show up sober at one of his rallies to campaign for him.

          • TrollopeReader

            Good golly! A sober Palin???

          • William

            It’ll never happen.

          • chasmader

            That wouldn’t be any fun!

          • David Walker

            Achievable goals, please.

      • There is a good chance (not more than 50% but a chance) that we could be facing a Republican President, House, and Senate in 2017 bent on overturning things like Obamacare, LGBT rights, financial and environmental legislation – you name it — with, perhaps a big boost in the defense budget to build things like 100 useless new strategic bombers that are projected to cost 1 billion dollars each. 2017 may see one-party right wing government beyond our wildest nightmares.

        • Boycott NC

          Umm. FYI, Ted Cruz was born in Canada, and is therefore a natural born Canadian. He isn’t even eligible to become President. It is a good sideshow though.

        • Richard, another Canuck

          And those bombers will be on domestic patrol protecting the ‘dominion’, much like Asad in Syria.

        • MaryOGrady

          Everybody, register and vote against that! Vote Blue, no matter who. The alternative is just too horrible.

    • another_steve

      Most observers agree that Cruz has only a tiny better chance of winning the general election compared to Trump. And that’s before the Democrats dump all the shit they got on the guy.

      I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.

      • olandp

        And I remember saying, “Who in their right mind would vote for Ronald Reagan.”

        How did that turn out again?

        • Dan

          I’ll never forget walking down the street with friends the summer before Bush the Sequel’s second term. We were so damned confident that he didn’t have a shot in hell of re-election.

          Never again.

        • another_steve

          I hate it when people have historical perspective. lol. 😉

          I think the difference is that Reagan was an extraordinarily charismatic figure, a gifted speaker, and a Governor who — despite many controversial actions — showed himself capable of leading. And running against Carter during the Iran hostage crisis certainly didn’t hurt.

          Neither Trump nor Cruz has general appeal outside their respective bases. Plus they’re running in an election cycle where the sitting Democratic President is relatively popular.

        • chris10858

          … or George W. Bush. Twice.

          • MaryOGrady

            Once, tops. Maybe not even once. There was skulduggery in Ohio in 2004.

          • Man_in_the_mists

            And in Florida in 2000.

        • Jeffrey

          Maybe you just overestimate the number of voters in their right minds in this country.

    • Dan

      This. A million times this.

    • Queequeg

      Yes, absolutely.

  • Ninja0980

    Cruz in the White House scares me even more then Trump.

    • Dramphooey

      I don’t think he can do it because he is so contemptible. I don’t think he’ll pass Trump in delegates and he’s hated so he can’t win a brokered convention.

      • Mark

        At this point, I wouldn’t bet on anything. Everything is upside down and inside out of what one would think of as rational.

    • McSwagg

      If the Democrats win in November, I believe Trump will be finished with politics. On the other hand, Cruz will be back in 2020, 2024, and beyond. He truly believes the bit about him being ‘anointed by Dog’ to be the appointed KING of AMERICA. If he didn’t believe it, he would shut down his crazy father in a heart beat as an embarrassment. Cruz is the next Napoleonic megalomaniac on the world stage.

      • Librarykid

        Like an American Putin?

        • McSwagg

          Cruz believes it is his destiny to be President. He will not stop his pursuit anytime soon.

          • Librarykid

            And if my grandmother had balls, she’d be my grandfather. It is amusing to see how many of these republican candidates tell us at the beginning of their campaigns that their god told them to run then they lose terribly. What’s with that; tricks, lies or a divine sense of justice coming down on the insincere and mendacious? Like the old Parkay ads, “It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature.”

          • McSwagg

            I agree. I just think that Cruz will be back again and again. He won’t take the hint if he loses this year.

          • Librarykid

            I believe you have to consider the family in which he was raised. Insanity is heredity.

  • It’s encouraging to hear someone outside of the blogosphere bringing up the danger to our country that is Dominionism.

  • Prion

    ..,

  • Hue-Man

    What’s wrong with American punditocracy that “comedians” – a Canadian, a South African, and an Englishman – are producing the most realistic stories about the candidates?

    • Dramphooey

      A comedian by the very nature of the job must deal in reality. They have no choice. If people don’t see the humor in it they won’t laugh. The punditry has simply been saying meaningless platitudes for decades.

    • TrollopeReader

      The same thing that is wrong with our (non) journalists …. we’ve exported so much “excellence” and stuff we need to import actual excellence….

      American “Exceptionalism” indeed …

      • Strepsi

        I was just listening to the excellent podcast “You Must Remember This” about how Hearst’s papers would accept and publish radically untrue stories of celebrities’ misbehaviors in order to keep access to the studio and its stars.

        That that exact yellow journalism is the norm in political journalism today in the U.S. is pathetic.

        Comedians are the truth-tellers and always have been, but the institution of broadcast journalism in the U.S. is dead.

        • McSwagg

          The comedian/jester/fool archetype has always been a part of our culture though its prominence may vary.
          http://images.elephantjournal.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/daughter1.jpg

        • MaryOGrady

          Not just broadcast journalism. All the so-called journalists at major media outlets value their access to the powerful over truth, and constantly push false equivalences to promote the appearance of objectivity.

    • Michael Rush

      We’re still waiting for Trump supporters to press him on the issues , they seem to have no interest knowing what he’s about as long as he says stuff and implies that someone is the cause of all the problems .

  • Blackfork

    She’s genius. Samantha should have been given the host spot of The Daily Show. PERIOD.

  • another_steve

    This is Ted Cruz in a prior life.

  • today is the first day in 3.5yrs i’ve felt like it would be a good thing to do nothing, politically. it’s a nice day to think about the garden and order some plants etc., drink a mimosa. but i wanted to share my gay voting experience this AM with the community, cause it was adorable.

    the church ladies who run our voting station are sweet, pillars of the community… but all their daughters wear lots of make up and certain hairstyles and the ones who don’t are usually the “bad” ones, in a xtian sense.

    i had to use the closest booth to their table, and so i could hear them whispering “…i don’t think i’ve ever met one in person before! (in a nice way, about my admittedly plain appearance, and other oddities about my self around here). i guess my men’s boots and lack of nail polish or jewelry were the big giveaways. very cute.

    good luck to all the nice candidates. see you folks in the section of the Lobby meant for leisure when you want to join me later today.

    • William

      You wouldn’t be the same with a Stepford makeover.

  • Steven Leahy

    Bout time for a Cruz article. I am sick of seeing every article in the liberal media about Trump while they ignore this vile, evil douchebag.

    • Jean-Marc in Canada

      I have to admit, U.S. media is indeed fixated on Trump; though being honest, they’re all about the ratings, not facts.

      Ironically, here in Canada (CBC, CTV), as well as in the UK (BBC), there’s been ample coverage of Cruz and, to a lesser extent, Rubio. Trump is the buffoon who could rally a new Reich and Cruz is the buffoon who could ignite a new inquisition. Both are frightening prospects. So remember kids, vote Democrat, regardless of who the nominee is.

      • douglas

        If only those of us in Canada could vote Jean-Marc.

    • Latebrosus

      It’s unbelievable to me that Cruz can’t see his own hypocrisy when he said,

      “Political discourse should occur in this country without a threat of violence without anger and rage and hatred directed at each other. We need to learn to have disagreements without being disagreeable, to have disagreements while being respecting human beings on the other side.”

      Really, Ted? Tell us more, especially about how “responsibility starts at the top.”

      • Librarykid

        And, better yet, teach us by example, douche nozzle.

  • Cruz still could beat Trump for the nomination for two reasons. 1.- 65% of the delegates chosen after tonight will be from winner-take-all states 2- Closed Primaries are coming up – in several of the large states yet to vote (New York, California, Pennsylvania, Arizona, others) only registered Republicans can vote. Trump does best in an open format with crossover Independent and Democrat support. Cruz’s strategy of picking up the establishment Republican refuse — the Rubio supporters are next since Marco will lose tonight — should work, but he is so underhanded and untrustworthy that many are going to Trump instead. Cruz is an enigma, he is a good political tactician because he is going to be one of the three (or perhaps two if Kasich loses) candidates left standing tonight, but he is doing nothing to moderate his extreme positions and annoying speech which can only be tolerated in the deepest of the red states.

    • David Walker

      Drumpf has the votes in central PA (the tucky of Pennsyltucky), but if Crud is popular in Philly and Pittsburgh, that could tip the votes. Both big cities and a few other areas help make PA purple.

  • Lazycrockett

    I can’t remember which joke it was, but I think the writers are reading this block cause one joke was almost verbatim taken from a poster here.

  • KnownDonorDad

    Honestly, I wish Samantha had been harsher.

  • Cara Rosenberg

    This whole episode was pure gold. It’s such a shame Comedy Central didn’t even consider her. They lose twice with both Sam and John Oliver being amazing right outta the gate.

    • Lazycrockett

      Sam herself said she didn’t want the daily show, that it was too much work for the reward.

  • Queequeg

    We know what Cruz is like, but more people need to learn more about him. That Dominionist shit is pretty scary.

  • If you’re a Repuglican and you think your god has told you to run for the presidency, it’s really just Loki having a good laugh at your expense.

    • McSwagg

      I prefer to believe in Coyote, the trickster.

    • As a Germanic pagan priest, I can assure you – even Loki wouldn’t have anything to do with Cruz.

  • Lumpy Gaga

    I’m missing out on the Bee, as Comcast’s “Digital Economy” package leaves out TBS. Ad-filled TBS, fer cryin’ out loud!!

    Fortunately, I get POP TV, and the new season of “Schitt’s Creek”, starring Eugene Levy’s surprisingly hot son, and Catherine O’Hara, resumes this week.

  • Secure

    Best. Cruz. Takedown. Ever. Thanks Sam B! That was fucking great. The Crucible footage is hilarious. I hope Trump continues to slaughter him. Ted Cruz is THE WORST!

  • John Calendo

    BETTER DEAD THAN TED.

  • Jerry

    TRUS (trans-rectal ultrasound) TED…

  • TheSeer

    Shame on Jake Tapper for giving Toad Cruz a free-pass on kill the gays shit.

  • Blobby

    g-d this was great. I do fear Cruz more than Trump as well. Oh fuck, they’re all scary.

  • DonnaLee

    Ted is a failed actor. It kind of tells me everything I need to know about him. So he’s learned how to act like he’s telling the truth.

  • Lazycrockett

    Illinois is tightening up

  • Michael Hampton

    Cruz needs Trump in order to make him look sane and rational.