Marco Rubio: Trump Probably Has A Small Dick [VIDEO]

The race to the bottom continues. Via NBC News:

Marco Rubio again unleashed an array of sharp attacks on Republican frontrunner Donald Trump, jabbing at his “small hands” and “spray tan.” In response to the property mogul calling him “little Rubio,” Rubio conceded that Trump was taller than him. However, the Florida senator suggested Trump had small hands for his height.

“And you know what they say about guys with small hands,” Rubio said with a smile, prompting stunned laughter from the crowd. After a brief pause he added: “You can’t trust ’em!” The crowd responded with applause.

  • Mark

    Ah-ha! And so the provocative penis becomes the official Grand Marshall of the GOP Parade of Klowns!

    It’s all sex…and money.

  • Rex

    Penis jokes, nice. They are in the third grade, and most likely will be held back again.

    • Todd20036

      And this issue alone shows the difference between the 2 parties: the democrats discuss issues, the goobs attack each other.

    • Hunter M

      They are playing to their base. Remember, most of the base “done graduated through the sixth grade.”

  • j.martindale
    • Todd20036

      And the question running through my mind is: are any of the pedestrians in the photo thinking, “Hey, I’d hit it…”?

      • j.martindale

        What is REALLY funny is that he has a glass sitting next to the bottle.

        • Lumpy Gaga

          ALSO not knocked over. You really gotta admire his panache.

          “Stemware on the Sidewalk”: new band name

    • Bungee

      At least he didn’t knock the bottle over.

      • GayOldLady

        When you get to that point, nothings more important than the bottle.

    • Chucktech

      No, not everyone knows when they hit rock bottom, some people start digging.

  • Prion

    At first glance I though this was another poke at Christie 😉

    • David L. Caster

      A rumper sticker.

      • JCF

        …as opposed to a tRumper sticker.

  • Prion

  • Prion

    ..,

  • Rex

    This election year becomes more embarrassing with each passing day.

    • another_steve

      Yes, but let’s make the best of it that we can. I think Rubio should show us his butt.

      I suspect he has a decent butt, and as a taxpayer I feel I have a right to see it.

      • Rex

        So, you want to see the ass that’s asking for your vote.

      • Chucktech

        If he thought he could get more votes by showing us his butt, that’s exactly what he (and all the rest of them) would do.

        How absolutely mortifying for the Republicans and our country.

      • Rambie

        Checking for a trampstamp are we?

        • trouble94114

          Either that or a little blue dolphin on one of the cheeks.

          • Rambie

            I was thinking, “Parking in the Rear” tattoo. 😉

      • justmeeeee

        a flabby butt, i think.

        • janey

          flabby brain for sure

    • JR

      The world must be standing around and just laughing at us. With good reason.

      • ChrisMorley

        It’s nervous laughter, about the world’s future.

    • Todd20036

      For the republican side at least.

    • 2karmanot

      Did you mean to say ‘erection’?

    • Rambie

      We’re midway into primaries and already down to dick jokes?! *shakes head* If anyone could find a new low to sick too, it’ll be the Republicans.

  • Prion

    .,.

  • chris james

    Can you feel the desperation? Being optimistic, if tRump gets nominated I think he might reconsider getting elected. I have a bet with a close friend that something like a President tRump would likely get impeached within the first 100 days. Now there’s a new American legacy.

    • Marides48

      Ronald Raygun?

    • Mark

      I think the Secret Service would more than have the hands full shielding him from the crackpots from around the world.

  • Marides48

    Well, at least he can’t say that about Hillary. What a little “prick”, Rubio is?

    • Bluto

      I wouldn’t bet on that. She’s been accused of far worse already.

  • Gigi

    “I will never allow the conservative movement to be taken over by a con artist.” Too late.

    • camel54

      The conservative movement consists entirely of con artists. And self-aggrandising pointless little tossers.

      • Steverino

        The conservative movement needs an enema.

        • charemor

          With industrial strength Draino.

      • JCF

        “Self-aggrandising pointless little tossers” FTW!

  • Macbill

    Trump has got a surrogate penis so large it will make your head swim. He was at the baths one day, and someone commented on the baby in his lap. “Its my Stumpy Trump (TM). That’s no baby.”

  • Jamsie

    “If I have to get into my pickup truck….”

    Now we know who else has a small dick.

    Wondering if Marco needs a booster step to get into his truck?

  • Joe in PA

    I initially just glanced at the headline, I assumed it was tRump that said that. SMH.

  • geoffalnutt

    At his next “stump” speech I won’t be surprised when he takes the teeny thing out and wags it around…declaring it “YOOOGGGE!!!!”

  • oikos
    • EdmondWherever

      At least projection makes everything look larger….

  • Duh-David

    As the t-shirt teaches us, from small to large (in order) it is:

    peepee
    wiener
    Dick
    Cock
    SHLONG

    and maybe we should write-in Drumpf at the very top of the list
    (but then it won’t taste so good to say.)

  • The Professor

    Wow.

  • William

    Rubio is addressing the rumors that he used to be gay?

    • Jimmie Z

      … and WOW! For a little guy — such equipment!

    • MB

      Didn’t he appear in the Ordination of Elder Smith on Mormon Boyz ???
      (He’s still on the rolls of the LDS Church.)

      • Octavio

        Once you get on their rolls you’re on them for life and death.

        • MB

          Do you get a lifetime supply of magic-undersvares too ??

  • Exatron

    Every time we think they reached rock bottom, they manage to build another frelling sub basement. At this rate, their next debate will be nothing but grunting and flinging things at each other.

    • Bluto

      Poo fight at the zoo monkey house.

      • perversatile

        Politicians watch
        the skilled monkey flinging poo
        learn manners in zoo

    • William

      Presidential politcs meet the Jerry Springer Show.

  • Brad Lathem

    Classy

  • camel54

    Oh god how much longer before this ends? I’m going to disconnect the internet. What with this bunch of idiots, the bloody British and the EU and the Italian government I’m suffering from moron overload.

    • William

      The 2020 presidential campaign begins in January.

      • camel54

        Aaaaaaaaaaagh!

      • Ernest Endevor

        Exactly.

      • JR

        Rather, the second week in November.

        FML

        • TrollopeReader

          maybe even before the 2016 general election ….

      • RealityBass

        Rubio is young enough to run (and lose) again in 2020, 2024, 2028, 2032……

        Cruz too btw.

    • barrixines

      Indeed – this is pretty much off topic but below is Kipper Mandy Boylett’s pro-Brexit masterpiece the Three Lions parody just to show our American friends there is nothing exceptional about the moronic level of political debate going on in the US at the moment.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVWRayBQBIQ

      • TimCA

        An attempt at humor? Parody? Please tell me it’s so. This is not a real political ad, right?

        • barrixines

          Mandy is a prospective UKip candidate. This is her considered contribution to the pro-Brexit campaign. The parody part is that she is doing a parody version of a football song, Three Lions. The Trumpenjugend from a couple of weeks back had an excuse for having the mental age of a seven year old in that they were seven year olds. Mandy, as you can see, isn’t. Oh and at least the Trumpenjugend knew how to scan. Fi-i-i-i-ish.

          • TimCA

            She’s standing for parliament? Any perceptions (misconceptions?) I ever had about the supposed decorum of the British political class is now over.

          • barrixines

            Mandy is a pretty tame and sane example of the bevy of racists homophobes misogynists and outright fuckwits that make up the UKIP party. They are basically on the same level as the Teabaggers only with less expensive orthodontistry.

    • canoebum

      PMESD-Post Moron Exposure Stress Disorder. We’ve all got it.

    • Versailles

      Speaking of the Brits and the EU are you caught by the fifteen year rule for the referendum? Pisses me off no end.

      • camel54

        Not me. I lived in France for 10 years, but then went back to the UK and met my partner, who is Italian. We made enough money through work and stupid house price inflation to move to Italy a couple of years ago and hopefully never work again. I agree, the fifteen-year rule might make sense in a national election, but when it directly affects you like this “battle for the soul of the tory party” I think you should be able to vote.
        With the civil partnerships coming up here, I’m hoping to safeguard my right to stay even if the UK votes out. Even a change of nationality should it become necessary…..
        I shall, of course, be voting to stay in!

  • TampaZeke

    Well at least he’s finally learned how to win over the Republican masses; be as rude and crude as possible.

  • Todd20036

    Anyone think Hillary would make a comment like this? How about Bernie?
    Policy issues aside, is there anyone who still thinks this crop of GOTPers would be presidential material?

    • fuow

      Quite a few tens of millions of people, unfortunately.
      Turnout among young Democrats this year has been awful. We’re still making the same mistake – say you support Bernie, yes, dahling. Do. Actually get out and work for his election? Sorry, simply too, too weary making.
      And that goes double for gay men.
      Unless we get our young voters and gay men off their asses and into the game, there’s a very good chance we will lose the White House and fail to keep the Senate.

      • Curieux Bleu

        You actually meant “fail to REGAIN the Senate”.

        No Senate Dem majority = no liberal justice appointed to SCOTUS, or so it seems.

        I hears ya!

  • Anastasia Beaverhousen

    “My penis is yuuuuge. It is ridiculously yyyuuuuuge. Everybody says it’s got amazing girth. It’s going to make porn great again!”

  • Bungee

    Dick jokes coming from the candidate who looks like he’s in eighth grade.

    Classy.

  • mjcc1987

    Absolutely delicious

  • Butch

    I think it was Steve Martin – “Ladies, you know what they say about big hands and big feet – big gloves and big shoes!”

  • Jerry Kott

    They have nothing left other than personal insults. It is looking more like a grudge match than a election. But then again, that is all it ever was.

    • Homo Erectus

      Well, they all hate the same things – what’s to debate?

  • Jungle Boy

    Like JMG linked. Infighting is funny.

    • Octavio

      Ah, such simpler times. 🙂

  • JoeMyGod
  • GayOldLady

    Saturday tRump is tweeting Mussolini quotes. Sunday Rubio is making little dick jokes about Trump.

    Ladies & Gentlemen Meet the Republican Candidates for President & Vice President of the United States.

    http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/3690623/slap-happy-moe-o.gif

    • perversatile

      My next door neighbor’s
      8y.o. daughter calls Ted Cruz
      ‘Turd Cruise’.
      My faith in humanity has been partially restored

      • GayOldLady

        She’s smarter than many adults.

  • j.martindale
    • Michael Rush

      Worst Old Navy ad ever .

      • Lumpy Gaga

        Wish he had had an A&F shirt on.

    • BearEyes

      ewwww

      • Good Shot Green

        I agree – that sofa is the worst.

        • clay

          but easy to clean up.

        • JCF

          Did anyone else think they were garbage bags at first?

    • Trevor Brown

      Question: is that his own barf he’s laying in or someone else’s? I’m not sure one way is actually better than the other 😛

      • Todd20036

        And it looks like both of his arms are healing from breaks.
        Probably not a good idea to get that shitfaced when your body is healing.

        • Prixator

          With the casts on, he obviously couldn’t “hold” his liquor! Yuck yuck yuck.

        • Steverino

          He had a battle with the bottle, and the bottle won.

  • PLAINTOM

    Next they will pull out the big guns, booger jokes.

    • Hunter M

      Followed by the fart jokes.

  • Michael Rush

    Rubio plans to release his own length and girth
    at a news conference later today .

    • Reality.Bites

      After the boots, no one will believe him without pictures.

  • LovesIrony

    sword fight

  • stuckinthewoods

    All you have to do is look at Trump’s head and know he’s “made a merkin great again”.

  • OUTinMinnesota

    Is this an issue important to USA voters?

    From what I can tell, the US constitution prohibits only the litmus test of religion. Dick size seems to be fair game.

  • Mark

    There’s no ‘probably’ about it. Trump is all asshole.

  • Charles Manuel P.

    Sen. Fratboy

  • BearEyes

    drop trou and get it over with – just don’t show us – eww

    • JCF

      WHY did you go there???

  • GayOldLady
  • hdtex

    From all accounts, Rubio is a size queen.

  • Cosmo Tupper

    Classy, rubio, classy indeed…NOT. Good match to trump.

  • Hunter M

    • Lumpy Gaga

      Easy for Lins to say. He’s seen all the Senators in the gym shower.

      • Scrubbin’

        Lindesy-Belle told me that Marco has the worst case of ass acne he’s ever seen up close!

  • Silver Badger

    I guess that each candidate should post a full frontal on their website. Then again, maybe not.

    • Bob Conti

      At the next debate, everyone drop their pants and the Fox people can measure with a ruler.

      • Lakeview Bob

        I can only hope that a two inch ruler isn’t big enough.

        • Bob Conti

          Micrometer?

      • Todd20036

        Given the number of times Trump and now Rubio bring up the matter…

  • ColdCountry

    FINALLY, we get to the important issues in this campaign!

  • Elsewhere1010

    I think it was Roman Emperor Heliogabalus sent his agents worldwide looking; for men with very large hands to serve him.

    Meanwhile, over at Gawker they’ve referred to Trump’s short stubby fingers for years.

  • Palin-Rubio 2020

    Rubio utterly debasing himself out of desperation, and destroying his own political career in the process. He will never again be able to campaign projecting any sense of gravitas or dignity. More and more, Rubio is sounding like a verision of Palin, a trash-talking loser who is talking trash because he’s losing. When you’ve got nothing to lose is when substance-less candidates can act like the biggest losers.

    Rubio won’t even be able to feign indignation if Trump’s Opp Research team pulls out the numerous financial and sexual scandals that have been trailing Rubio’s candidacy. And he won’t be able to appeal to Jeb! for political cover either, because the Bushes have decided to let Rubio twist in the wind from here on out.

  • Bill

    I think if you’re dogged by gay rumors talking about cock might not be the way to go.

    • Homo Erectus

      Sometimes what’s on the mind falls out of the mouth.

  • Lumpy Gaga

    I love that “How big is your dick?” is now acceptable political discourse.

    Where is Cokie Roberts when you need her… to wring her hands and fret about the children?

  • Lumpy Gaga

    Marco’s going to ride a giant dick all the way to the White House.

  • Whizzer

    I’m not sure I’d want to be making jokes about old men wetting themselves either if I were trying to appeal to the Republican base. They tend to be sensitive about that sort of thing.

  • TheSpinMonkey

    To me Rubio seems a whole lot scarier than Trump. With Trump you know exactly what you are getting, but Rubio will change positions lie and sell his soul just to get elected – have no idea what he actually stands for other than his desire to get elected. He is far more dangerous IMHO

  • The Milkman

    Glass houses, Marco.

  • Ginger Snap

    The old my cock is bigger than yours, how tipycal of straight men with power and money. Straight men obsessed with other men’s cock sizes is so amusing to me.

    • Octavio

      The jury is still out on Little Ricky being straight. 🙂

  • bob

    I guess they’ve sunk to this. It’s time to whip them out. My opinion is the top three are overcompensating for some shortage, most likely from the neck up !

  • TampaDink

    Imagine how his crowd might have reacted had he phrased the question, “you know what I say about guys with small hands?” and after the laughter & a pause…”all the better to fist me with, my dears!”

    • e’ville_globeguy

      My thoughts were on a similar path. Small hands? Maybe that’s why he has so many puppets!

      • TampaDink

        The puppetry angle is great! Wish I had thought of that. ☺

  • Joseph Miceli

    How…presidential.

    • Homo Erectus

      Udderly.

  • Octavio

    Little Ricky just needs to whip it out and show everyone his junk.

  • I’m so glad Rubio has done this to himself.

  • Secure

    These young people are all seeing this. What a disgrace.

  • Richard

    Reagan must be spinning in his grave…… Rubio comparing Trumps schlong to his hands…. unbelievable.

    • Gianni

      Yeah, I thought it is the size of a guy’s feet. Even though he’s shorter than Trump, perhaps Marcobot might have yuuuge feet.

  • Michael Bruce Florist

    And the next thing ya know, the Donald will respond via text of his (digitally enhanced) “no-no pole,” lol!

  • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

    Stump speeches have turned into roasts.

  • Jim

    I wonder if Rubio will be telling Trump jokes on Tuesday night after all the returns are in. Let’s see.

  • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

    In the next Republican debate pseudo-reality freak circus show, the moderators will simply have them whip ’em out for their base to decide on the length of their members. The only question is will they measure them soft or hard?