Todd Starnes: Public Safety Is Communism

Todd Starnes is already one of the most mocked nutjobs on Twitter, but today he earned epic levels of ridicule for the above series of tweets in which he calls NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio a communist for imposing a ban on non-emergency vehicles during the blizzard. Pedestrians, of course, remain completely free to do whatever they like, but OMG it’s MARTIAL LAW! We can only presume that Starnes strongly objects to those socialist snowplows clearing the Brooklyn street outside his home.

  • LonelyLiberal

    Wait, what? Yeah, it’s totally ethical for your ass to get stuck in the street, block emergency vehicles, and result in people dying.

    If stopping that is communism, I’m a communist. Which I’m not.

    • Kruhn

      Like it happened to me Tuesday when it took me at least 3 1/2 hours to get home because idiots were out in a freak ice storm with untreated roads leaving their cars willy nilly on the road. I drive for a living, so I could ford those ice patches and those Priuses have an excellent center of gravity.

      So Todd, your lazy, fat, ass can waddle to the nearest diner for the next couple of days, as the ambulances, firetrucks, and police cars can get through the streets of New York without your car blocking the street.

      • LonelyLiberal

        This. Today there were a few idiots out (mostly with SUVs) discovering that they might be able to drive in this, but stopping and steering are quite different matters!

        Honestly, we have plows and police out. They don’t need those jerks messing up the roads further.

        • bkmn

          Stopping is always the big issue. It does seem that the morons in SUVs and oversized pickups don’t understand that basic concept.

          • TrollopeReader

            they think the larger the vehicle, the more powerful they are …as they text in one hand, and answer the (other) phone om the other hand, and expect the SUV to do everything else….

        • In 1996 there was a big storm like this (maybe not quite so much snow but a lot) and Giuliani asked everyone to stay home that Monday so they could clear the streets. it was a good call then and it’s a good call now.

      • bkmn

        His car? More likely his fat ass.

      • You know we are in trouble as a society when people who are put on national media think common sense is extremism.

        • TrollopeReader

          Common sense means the proletariat … the “those people” and *they* certainly don’t want to think about *that* ….and while Todd may hate the communists, he probably wishes *he* had a special lane in the highway to get back and forth from FauxHQ and his tiny little barely-existent house in Brooklyn … (let alone having to pay the bridge tolls!)

        • Todd20036

          Keep in mind, these people mistook ordinary training exercises in Texas as obama imposing military rule there.

          And yet these idiots never get called out on such rubbish.

          • And all that urged on by right wing media and even a few republican governors who had to have known better. It’s one thing for a few loons to have conspiracy theories. That’s always been a thing. But to have elected officials egging them on is irresponsible and potentially dangerous.

  • Octavio

    Oh my heck! I’m afraid it’s time to send Tawd to the gulag.

  • Michael Rush

    He was advised to stop being such a useless
    turd stain but that’s communism also .

  • Paula

    Poor Todd, the paranoids are out to get him.

    • TrollopeReader

      why don’t they already! enough of the teasing foreplay!!

      • Paula

        That’s part of the game. Psychological torture is the best kind.

        • Austin Bennett

          The anxiety of expecting something is worse than actually getting it, or never getting it.

          • Robincho

            Masochist: “Beat me! Beat me!”
            True Sadist: “Nope. Sorry.”

        • Cackalaquiano

          And it’s so easy. These wingnuts come so predisposed to hyperparanoia that we can come up with any bizarre idea for a conspiracy and just float it out there and watch it take off. So much fun for so little effort.

  • Sorry I was late, I was taking a shit in my toilet connected to my socialist sewer.

    • Michael Rush

      Every part of that is more interesting than Todd .

    • Sk3ptic

      You’d better not be drinking your socialist lead-free municipal water, communist!!

      • Gene

        ann coulter, Fred starnes and Rand Paul go into bar and get a drink.,and then die of alcohol poisoning because they had pushed so hard to deregulate industry safety rules and the vodka was tainted with heavy metals
        that’s it…that the whole joke.

        • prixator

          I wish it was Todd instead of Fred. Fred was the “smart” Starnes.

      • GC

        It’s not actually lead-free, unfortunately! Apparently “every major US city east of the Mississippi” has been distorting water tests.

        http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2016/jan/22/water-lead-content-tests-us-authorities-distorting-flint-crisis

    • Mark

      Aw dang, I”m not a good socialist. I live in the country and have a septic tank and well. And I live on a private road so I have to dig myself out in a snow.

      • sword

        You must just drive up and down your road and no where else. Don’t want to chance driving on some communistic ‘public’ road?

      • kpwn

        “socialism for one” is very small government.

  • Captain Jack

    Maybe he is in a contest with Trump and Palin to see who is the most stupid….

    • TrollopeReader

      He wins.

      • Soren456

        Well, not so fast . . . .

      • kaydenpat

        Nobody beats Palin. She actually believes the word salad that falls out of her mouth.

        • Lionel Leston

          Todd Starnes eats the word salad falling out of Sarah Palin’s mouth. Then washes it down with a piss Big Gulp

        • robirob

          It’s not that she believes what she says herself, it’s that she believes that she is this great hypnotist who can hypnotize the audience with her word salad hypnotic induction. (Hypnotic induction is the process undertaken by a hypnotist to establish the state or conditions required for hypnosis to occur)

  • skeptical_inquirer

    I really don’t get these “I don’t want any laws because fweedumb” idiots because they never seem to get that it could be them or their children that get hurt or killed by lack of laws or their enforcement. They don’t give a shit about lead tainted water unless their kids were the ones that are brain damaged. They don’t care about blocked roads unless they have a medical problem right this very second that might need them to be taken to the hospital pronto. I hate these people so very much.

    • bkmn

      If Todd went out in the storm and emergency response was not able to help him he would sue the city in a heartbeat.

      • Sk3ptic

        Can we not try it and see what happens?

      • TrollopeReader

        if he went out in the snow, based on his picture, heartbeats would be few and far between ….

        • bkmn

          Thank you for making me snort the beer I was about to drink.

      • popebuck1

        Assuming he survives. He has “the one they eat first” written all over him.

        • Snarkaholic

          And risk foul-monella poisoning? I’d rather starve!
          On the other hand, there’s enough blubber there to make a year’ supply of emergency candles!

          • Joseph Miceli

            Well, I’m sure he’d make a lovely “fat pundit” suit.

            Now, It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose.

          • ChrisMorley
          • Jenni

            Exactly! Burn him for warmth and light!

        • Ron

          Only because he resembles a pig wearing a toupee and glasses.

          • kaydenpat

            Not true. Pigs are cute.

          • Lumpy Gaga

            And smart.

        • kaydenpat

          Yuck. Too much grease!

          • Doug105

            Just stick a foot out and trip him as the zombies bare down on you.

            http://i1112.photobucket.com/albums/k497/animalsbeingdicks/abd-183.gif

          • BobSF_94117

            That’s horrible.

          • Doug105

            Ya, but those damn zombies won’t stop eating not my fault if they get sick

          • kpwn

            poison pill defense doesn’t work if the pill is stealth

          • Todd20036

            Yeah, but from larger buffalo’s point of view, that’s how you get the wolves off of your tail.

          • unsavedheathen

            Always a good lesson to remember for when the end times are upon us… you don’t need to outrun the wolves, you need to outrun the pasty tub of cracklins and white gravy in the Brooks Brothers suit.

          • Doug105

            Yep, I’d go down early so would plan not to feel it or get back up.

          • kpwn

            that visually synopsizes what happens to tea party “true believers” when the koch brothers takeover their state government

        • StSean

          it would take many MANY hours of “slow and low” bbqing to render all the fat off.

      • Ben in Oakland

        I would deliver a sermon at his grave about the evils of government.

        • kaydenpat

          And then chuckle evilly.

        • Piet

          Afterwards, could we dance?

          • Robincho

            And finally, could we then pee copiously?…

          • Piet

            I like how you think.

          • Ben in Oakland

            Only a slow waltz. Out of respect.

        • StSean

          i’d be there in my red dress and cha-cha heels.

    • kaydenpat

      They have no problems with laws that ban gay marriage or end abortions though so they’re not really anti-law.

      • kpwn

        “big guvt for thee; fweedumbz for me”

    • Gerry Fisher

      I think the bigger picture is that they want a constant anti-government drum beat so they can keep cutting taxes, deregulating, and dismantling most of the federal government (and large portions of state government). One particular drum beat does not need to make any sense at all…as long as you keep the beat going.

    • Octoberfurst

      I hate them too. Total morons— every one of them. It’s like, “The mayor is saying I have to stay indoors for my own protection because of a blizzard? Well screw him! This is tyranny and he ain’t takin’ my freedom away! In fact I’m gettin’ in my car right now with my wife and kids and we is going for a drive. That will teach him! FREEEEEEDOOOOOMMM!” Then he will have to be rescued by an emergency crew because he got stuck in the snow. They’re just idiots.

      • skeptical_inquirer

        I occasionally wish we could set up a system where people like this who rail against government programs had THEIR programs & services stopped and when they inevitably complain, they are told “But we’re giving you fweedumb. Why are you not choosing priceless fweedumb over the stuff in the trough? We’re unburdening you so you can soar like the eagle . . .” and make them listen to an hour of Palinesque nonsense.

        I’m reminded of the Oregon terrorists who get disability and in one case, money to take care of foster kids that the state has now taken out of the care of his wife, who he dumped all the work on so he could play militia cosplay.

        • Octoberfurst

          So true!

        • kpwn

          Wasn’t Palin a prominent squacker in the, “OMG IT WAS OBUMMER WHO CLOSED OFF THE VETERANS MEMORIAL!”

          this link seems on that topic, trailblazersblog.dallasnews.com/2013/10/shutdown-theater-sen-ted-cruz-sarah-palin-rally-at-world-war-ii-memorial.html/

    • kpwn

      “They don’t give a shit about lead tainted water unless their kids were the ones that are brain damaged”
      Can you be so sure of even that?
      (Consider) Palin.

    • TrollopeReader

      I’d guess 50 of the 51 retweets are people chortling loudly, and the 51st is him asking his mommy to please, please retweet ….

  • TampaZeke

    It must really suck to live in his bat shit crazy world of paranoia, angry sky gods, earthly boogie men and scary homosexual, fascist, communist, Muslim, ebola ridden, brown terrorists under every bed.

    • TrollopeReader

      and his fellow brooklyn-ites realize it’s just his tiny corner of their borough …

    • Ben in Oakland

      Not under the bed. They are in the closet!

    • Stubenville

      No flames please – I actually feel sorry for Todd and his ilk for just the reasons TampaZeke outlined above. I can’t imagine what life would be like if I were afraid of everything and everyone, much less convinced that the most benign of government actions were actually designed to oppress me. What a sad, pitiful existence.

      • Robincho

        Considering the lightning storms that rage in his “brain” twenty-four seven, three sixty-five, it’s a blessing that canned ham is such a poor carrier of electricity…

      • BobSF_94117

        Todd is a NYer and probably believes ZERO of the things he says to make a (far too well off) living.

    • robirob

      I don’t believe that he believes a single lie he tells. He’s just a troll who gets off on what his fear and hate-mongering does to others and that makes him feel all powerful and warm and slippery inside.

    • unsavedheathen

      And white gravy over every meal.

    • johncAtl

      Help = SOCIALISM!!

      • Jeannie Guzman

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        A few days ago new McLaren F1 subsequent after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a day ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn More right Here
        eh.
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        • Mark

          flagged / reported

          • I keep flagging him/er/it – is there no way to get the account banned completely?

          • DirtyPierre

            You can also report the user, directly on the disqus site for each spam
            message they post. Its pretty easy, First, click on the time posted just
            to the right of the spammer ID comment, copy the URL in the address
            bar, then click on the name of the spammer, it opens their disqus page,
            then on the top right click on the flag/report user. Choose SPAM from
            the drop down menu and then paste the URL into the direct link. ITs much
            more efficient. I’ve been flagging these spammers and if its reported,
            they are banned much more quickly for TOS violations.

          • Mark

            I do the discus report – and still this ass snags another account. FWIW – this spam almost always shows up in the middle of the night. (yes, my friggin dogs get me up at 3am to go pee. I will be soooo glad when spring gets here and they re-discover their dog castle.)

          • DirtyPierre

            I’m usually up at 5am EST and this spammer is usually posting around this time. That is the way spammers get around, new spam accounts. If a few of us JoeMyGod readers stay diligent, I am sure they will give up. I have already suggested to disqus to disable the copy and paste feature also to disable private profiles for new accounts (which the spammers always do) but not heard back. They are not really that interested in keeping spammers away.

    • Ginger Snap

      Weather prediction is a liberal plot to help make communist’s.

      • Austin Bennett

        Communist’s what… manifesto?

        • Ginger Snap

          Whatever you want it to be.

          • Austin Bennett

            I want to remove the apostrophe, so communist is plural instead of possessive.

          • Chris Baker

            on mobile devices, sometimes autocorrect suggests the possessive, rather than the plural, and by the time you hit “send’ it’s too late. Being that it’s at the end of the sentence, it probably didn’t autocorrect until the author present the period. Anyway, spelling is just an artificial construct developed by homosexual communist proto-Marxist liberal atheist Noah Webster, to oppress the wealthy.

          • Austin Bennett

            Just like my butt hole.

          • Tigernan Quinn

            Artificial or not, it conveys meaning, as do apostraphes, and your phone isn’t a runaway machine you have no control over.

          • Traxley Launderette

            Actually, abusing apostrophes, poor sentence structure, and bad grammar are expected in comments like this one. Good work, Chris!

          • Ginger Snap

            I hadn’t even noticed that must have been my auto correct.

          • GC

            I thought you were parodying the right-wing wingnuts!
            (Still, gotta love autocowrecks!)

          • BobSF_94117

            Haven’t you heard? Communism is inherently possessive… of other people’s stuff!!!!!

    • TrollopeReader

      And he’s the type that is *all about* Law and Order. Uh, huh ….

    • StraightGrandmother

      “the Socialist National Weather Service.”
      That was pretty funny 🙂

      • Mihangel apYrs

        should have been “National Socialist Weather Service” – the moron would have been happy with that!

        • Debrajmitchel1

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          A few days ago new McLaren F1 subsequent after earning 18,512$,,,this was my previous month’s paycheck ,and-a little over, 17k$ Last month ..3-5 h/r of work a day ..with extra open doors & weekly. paychecks.. it’s realy the easiest work I have ever Do.. I Joined This 7 months ago and now making over 87$, p/h.Learn More right Here
          4fsq…..
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      • Bob Conti

        It works in tandem with “The Gays” since, according to one Brit politician, we control the weather. Or something like that.

    • David Walker

      On Thursday, our governor proclaimed a state of emergency for the entire state. This, of course, allows local governments to get started working on getting their emergency stuff in motion. The locals on the news site went nuts when someone noted that it meant the governments could make temporary contracts without going after bids. How awful. But, because the governor is a Democrat and the posters tend to be to the right of Starnes (and maybe a little less “smart”), so they all ganged up on how stupid the governor was to declare the state of emergency before a flake fell. We have had a record 30.5″ so far. Things are being dealt with pretty well. I haven’t even bothered to read the paper’s posters. The snow’s been too beautiful.

    • JT
      • Gene

        oh…my…gawd…is that REAL? It’s just so..so…fucking PERFECT!
        🙂

        • JustDucky

          It’s real! Scientific name: Pterocarya fraxinifolia

          • BobSF_94117

            I believe that’s been respelled as “Petrocarya frackinifolia”.

        • oikos

          It is indeed real.

        • Cattleya1

          Notice that it is really thick.And puckered…

        • JT

          Yes. But more fitting for him would be “Very Caucasian Wingnut”, which is so far as unreal as what he says.

      • camel54

        Seriously unfair to the tree. It can’t defend itself against such slights.

  • aar9n

    Yes. The government not allowing non emergency vehicles on its own roads is “tyanny”, and imposing your religious rules to discrimate and take away rights from gay people is “liberty”.

    • Ben in Oakland

      And it is legally possible for one to tell the difference between one’s ass and a hole in the ground, except for toddy.

      • bkmn

        Todd isn’t an ass, he is more like a large pimple on an extremely large ass.

        • zhera

          He’s a bleeding hemorrhoid.

      • Snow critter

        1) You are correct. 2) ” This is what life emerging from anal sphincter looks like : Todd Starnes.”

    • prixator

      No, it’s “tranny” and “libety”. If you don’t spell them right, you will be accused of being a moran!

  • johncAtl

    I used to hate Twitter. But now I appreciate it. It’s much easier to identify lunatics now than it used to be.

  • bkmn

    What next, will he be calling his mommy?

    • Octavio

      And making her limp to his house to deliver pizza, ribs, and Lady Baltimore Cake.

      • CB

        I practically choked at “Lady Baltimore Cake.” Hilarious.

      • Smokey

        Wow, I shouldn’t be amazed that you know Lady Baltimore Cake, you seem to have so much knowledge of the stories of America. Marry me and I’ll make this cake every week for you…

        • Snarkaholic

          Do you know how to make Lord Baltimore Cake as well?

          • Smokey

            Yep – the filling has crushed macaroons, pecans, candied cherries, and citrus rather than raisins and walnuts.

          • B Snow

            I’ve never heard of either of those! Time to hit wikipedia. 🙂

        • Robincho

          Boys! Boys! Get a kitchen, fer chrissakes!…

        • Octavio

          You embarrass me, sir. Doesn’t everyone know about Lady Baltimore Cake? My beleaguered mother would whip them up and clad them with fluffy cream frosting. One day she tried a seven-minute frosting and ruined perfectly good cake by covering it with tacky white rubber stuff. I hate the seven-minute meringue crap. My mother could barely boil water. Couldn’t cook worth a damn. But she was sort of an idiot savant when it came to pastries, candies and all manner of desserts.

          • Smokey

            No embarrassment intended.
            I’m afraid that some of the classic cakes of the last century will become or have become period pieces. Lord and Lady Baltimore, Sunshine, Canadian War, Sacher Torte, and Caramel among others. The chain “restaurants” all serve the Death by Chocolate stuff or Carrot cake with everything in it but the kitchen sink – not a way to end a meal in my opinion. And I agree, most boiled frostings turn into rubber quickly. Yuk.
            I suspect we were the last generation with mothers who would bake more than cupcakes for the classroom party.

          • Octavio

            True assessment. In Buenos Aires you are assured of the same three tired desserts: Tiramisu, Bananas Foster or flan. I made a lemon cake (from scratch, of course) and all of our friends were suspicious. Almost everyone just serves a plate of Alfafores (google it) for a quick dessert with coffee. A generous slice with a double espresso won them over. I quickly earned the apodo “Sr. Pastel.”

          • Indeed. I’m ruined when it comes to pie crust and fillings. This industrialized mass-stamped out, formed and baked imitation crust, slapped in a tin with filling sluiced out of a nozzle just doesn’t cut it with my memories of summer apple or fresh picked raspberry pie.

          • Phillip in L.A.

            Partial to Gateau St. Honoré myself. St. Honoré was (is) the patron saint of pastrycooks

          • Smokey

            Made it once. Not terribly difficult, just a lot of components.

          • unsavedheathen

            I like seven-minute frosting. To me, it’s the only icing for a Lady Baltimore. It just doesn’t hold up for more than a few hours. The trick is to use it on a cake you’re sure is going to be consumed entirely when you first serve it.

      • Porkie

        Why should she be spared, Todd always makes me limp.

  • Sk3ptic

    It’s actually DIFFICULT to find a supportive comment on his feed. Pretty much everyone thinks he’s a little canned-ham faced bitch. Which, if they’d asked us, they’d have already known.

    • B Snow

      Where did the “Todd drinks pee” meme come from? Most of the comments seemed to be about that. Apparently he has a whole fanbase we didn’t even know about.

      • medaka

        I remember seeing a bunch of images a while back like this one

  • William

    In the interests of freedom, please destroy any traffic lights or signs you encounter.

    • Sk3ptic

      And don’t wear your seatbelt. Oh god PLEASE don’t wear your seatbelt. Ever.

      • Snarkaholic

        Be sure to exceed all speed limit signs…especially near the end of every month (when ticket quotas are low)!
        I also recommend decorating your car’s interior with multiple, open liquor containers (partially consumed).
        When addressing the cop(s) who pull you over, make disrespectful, loud, shrieking pig noises (not much acting required).

        • David Walker
          • Snarkaholic

            Then he confiscated her booze bottle and asked, “What’s this?”
            “Uh…just some holy water,” she replied.
            He removed the cap, tasted the contents, and said, “Hey, this is vodka!”
            “It is?” she answered. “Saints be praised! Another miracle!”

      • Todd20036

        It’s not like he needs seat belts. He’s his own air bag.

        • David Walker

          Hot air bag, most certainly.

          • Robincho

            But not a “hawt” hot air bag. Not now. Not ever…

          • William

            Todd makes me think of pork pies.

    • Oh’behr

      I’m so mad I’m going to, well, sandpaper off the lane markers off of the roadways. So there.
      Run free, cars, buses, trucks.

      • bkmn

        Don’t forget to change the colors on the stoplights around. It really messes with American minds when the lights are in a different order like in some places in Europe.

        • William

          I remember when some towns in Oklahoma had the green light on top.

      • GayOldLady

        Pull down all the Stop signs, R/R crossing signs, Caution signs while you’re at it.

        • Snarkaholic

          And the school zone signs!!!

          • GayOldLady

            Yeah, an destroy those flip out signs on the side of school buses that say STOP! Those signs are communist!!!

          • Snarkaholic

            Sleep easy…the kids who you mow down would probably grow up to vote Democrat anyway!

        • TrollopeReader

          and especially the “Gun-Free Zone” signs …. Good Lord Almighty, take *those* out first….

      • William

        Sandblasting is faster.

        • Oh’behr

          True, since the tea partiers use all modern conveniences and conveyances. The only 1770s thingie they’ll use is the tri corner hat.

          I still love the look of tea bags (which weren’t invented until 1908) on their tri corner hats.

          May Freedumb ring across the USA.

      • Porkie

        Never be hung up – hung up, like my man and me…..

  • bkmn

    So in case you don’t understand why Todd is so upset it is because the mayor told restaurants to stop delivering food during the blizzard.

    • DaddyRay

      So either he forgot to stock up at the grocery store or he doesn’t know how to cook.

      • bkmn

        And he is not capable of waddling through the deep snow.

        • Octavio

          That’s probably the real reason. He’s already eaten everything in his larder, including all of the stale doughnuts in FUAX’s kitchen trash.

          • bkmn

            Larder is the perfect word to use when discussing Todd.

          • hudson11

            ha- that brings to mind the episode of Seinfeld that had George eating an eclaire out of the garbage . It was perfectly good, in his mind.

      • kaydenpat

        He’s hefty enough to survive one day without eating out. Or two.

        • DumbHairyApe

          Or fortytwo.

  • Someone please tell Uncle Touchy to watch CNN (or look out his friggin window) & see the thousands of people in NYC freely out about on subways, walking & having fun.

    • WhoDat

      People having fun?

      It’s a communist plot.

    • kaydenpat

      I doubt he’d watch anything on CNN. Too “lefty” for him.

    • Cackalaquiano

      He’d comment on them not carrying guns and it’s still oppression because Obama or something.

  • GayOldLady

    Todd: If this was a communist action, they’d have the people, including you, out shoveling snow During the blizzard. They’re trying to protect you and others from traveling on dangerous roads & bridges and to help 1st Responders to be able to actually respond to emergencies. But if it bothers you so badly, why don’t you go on outside and shovel during the blizzard dumb ass!!!!

    • bkmn

      He is already predisposed to having a heart attack. It is almost as though you are challenging him to have one.

      • GayOldLady

        Oh no, I would never do that! 🙂 Go shovel Todd!!!

      • Cuberly

        He’s already had heart surgery, twice. Lost a lot of weight, raved about his achievement, then promptly started gaining his weight back.

    • TrollopeReader

      yeah, i’m sure he was out sweeping up after 9/11 … *sigh*

  • TrollopeReader

    golly, maybe those Brooklyn snowplows (is he jealous he can’t live near Central Park?) …will dump *all* their snow in front of his house and dooryard??

  • TrollopeReader

    And. of course, Todd is *sooooooo* sensitive, he not only blocks you from tweet-tweeting him ,but from even *reading * his tweets! What a twat.

  • jamie

    Is the pimple that is his big fat head ever going to fucking pop?

    • bkmn

      Fox prefers to keep the pustule full.

  • Ginger Snap

    Mmmmmmmm, keeping the citizens safe is communism. I guess my puplic school failed me again time to close them all and send everyone to parochial schools or home schooling so we can raise ignorant bigots.

  • DaddyRay

    While we are at it the Military is Communism – why does Todd Starnes hate the military?

  • Gee whiz, I wonder what he’s referring to here?

    https://twitter.com/toddstarnes/status/690960908743528449

    • Sam_Handwich

      Using mathematical formals and equations i’ve determined that he’s hearing the 6 year old Syrian boy tied up in his basement.

    • TrollopeReader

      yeah, the neighbors were hoping to get out from being your actual neighbors for a night. i’d shriek, too ….lard butt.

    • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

      People playing in the snow. Probably celebrating their day off.

      • TrollopeReader

        celebrating not having the Toddstool around, I guess. …

  • Stubenville

    Maybe The Donald can chopper in a couple orders of baby back ribs for Todd.

  • Blake Jordan

    That face and those views:

  • Alan43

    Yes Todd, you obey the government or you get arrested. That’s how laws work

    • bkmn

      If the mayor was a Rethug you would not have heard a peep from HamHead.

      • DaddyRay

        If the Mayor didn’t order the shutdown then every single injury or fatality would have been blamed on the Mayor.

  • Ben in Oakland

    Actually, toddy, under communist rule, they would do that any time they felt like it, not when they are trying to prevent citizens from being harmed.

  • In most circumstances I’m a social libertarian. If you aren’t hurting anyone, what the hell do I care what you do. But there are some cases, especially extreme ones like a natural disaster, in which the needs of the many do indeed outweigh the whims of the few. I’m reminded of the people who don’t want to evacuate before a hurricane and then at the last minute expect rescue workers to risk their lives to come to their defense. I remember on 9/11 when they cleared Broadway all the way up to Columbia Presbyterian on 168th Street so they could get emergency vehicles with injured people to the hospital. (Sadly, that measure wasn’t so necessary, but it was a good plan nonetheless.) I had no need greater than people on their way to receive emergency medial attention. And no one has any need in a weather emergency greater than emergency vehicles. Giuliani called for a few of these and I backed him on those decisions. Some turned out not to be as bad as it was feared, but it was the right call. Thousands could have been stranded had they not closed down offices early, especially in the burbs where low lying parts of tracks render trains inoperable if there is sudden flooding. What kind of selfish asshole can’t see the benefits for everyone of some rules in place in an emergency. Failure to provide for such leadership gets you situations like Katrina. Thank you I’ll take some bold leadership in a crisis. It’s only temporary after all.

  • medaka

    I just noticed the “Probably drinks his own pee” tag…

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

  • Cuberly

    I’ve come up with a theory.

    The NRO, with a cabal of RWNJs & NeoCons that WmF Buckley would have spit taken his martini at are pissy about Trump’s bogarting of attention.
    G. Beck, holds a coronation of Cruz, as if it fucking means something.
    Lil Ben breaks with Breitbart, slamming Trump.

    The list really goes on, and now Tahd, dear sweet, sad, ignored Tahd. 🙁

    Trump really has sucked up monolithic levels of attention, hasn’t he. The desperation for attention has reached new levels really. Is Ben freaking the hell out now? Um, maybe he was the only editor at BB that read the comments. Shit, stop that NOW! Rage is what we sell!

    I loathe Trump, but I gotta say, the Wing-Nut-Welfare-Industry is getting their grift majorly discombobulated right now. Mooselini signing on, pretty much ramped that up. (Side note: she’s getting CLOBBERED by her SarahPAC funders.)

    When the Wing-Nut-Welfare-Industry sees their competitors on the other side of the fence getting more of “the attentions”….lol..call it, my theory, the Trumpening.

    • bkmn

      Not to mention the fact that the billionaires who thought Citizens United would allow them to buy a President are very pissed they aren’t getting their money’s worth.

      • Cuberly

        Whoa, yep! Look at Walker, or Jeb! It just hasn’t happened. But then, their GOP “charisma” could very well have laid the shovel into that grave.

        Odd sort of justice there, yet, look at the candidates still in the race. Money isn’t going away anywhere but, interesting development.

      • TrollopeReader

        yes they are! they have Cruz! they have The Donald!!

        oh, wait a sec, I think I see what you did there ….

      • Helped them buy candidates. Each has his own horse in the race.

  • JoeMyGod
    • DaddyRay

      The hypocrisy is breathtaking

  • Wynter Marie Starr

    Is this man’s mother still alive? I’d be real curious as to how many times she dropped him on his head.

    • bambinoitaliano

      It was a difficult birth. His head hit the floor but not completely birthed. He was drag around for few more days and finally his ass gave.

  • Necessitas

    Stop signs, traffic lights, and speed limits are merely fascism?

    • Snarkaholic

      Lanes are for loooosers!

    • TrollopeReader

      only if they make the trains run on time …

    • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

      In soviet russia shark jumps you!

  • WhoDat

    It wasn’t a police state after the murder of Eric Garner.

    https://twitter.com/charlie_burris/status/690961932715724800

  • David F.

    If we’re lucky the stupid little fuck will slip and fall into a snowbank, be covered by snow, freeze to death and won’t be discovered until spring thaw.

    • TJay229

      You know…. I kinda like you. LoL

    • Robincho

      Little?…

    • robirob

      I imagine a little kid mistaking his snow covered silhouette as a laying down snowman and puts a carrot up his ass.

    • hudson11

      Haha. he’ll be exposed with the other frozen dog turds that pop up as the snow retreats.

  • Phil

    Starnes: anything I have to do that I don’t want to do = communism/tyranny.

    I’d like to know what he would have done during WWII in the US – rationing, mandatory blackouts, etc. Would that have been considered communism too?

    • Octavio

      He’d be down at the docks offering candy and cigarettes to sailors, lighting up candelabras of smokes so the Jerry could bomb us.

    • KCMC

      Andrews sister left out of the USO tour.

    • coram nobis

      I think he may have been a typical black market guy (none of that A-sticker rationing for him!) and maybe investing his ill-gotten gains in bunds.

  • kaydenpat

    Ugly and stupid. What a sad combination.

  • eyechart

    Turd Stains is a southern-fried asshole who couldn’t survive one Buffalo lake effect snow day. I wish he’d try to drive around during their driving ban, just to prove how freedumb-loving he is.

  • Dale Snyder

    It’s as if this fat christian pig moves at all during non-emergency situations.

    • Snarkaholic

      His idea of an emergency is chasing an ice cream truck down the street.

      • Dale Snyder

        Obviously so!

  • Akrontru

    Macho man, Starnes, couldn’t make it a block in the snow. Slimy, pandering, butter-faced little twat.

    I’m 64, sit on my ass all day (reading your fucking comments,) and I wanna go on Survivors with this dough boy.

  • zhera

    What’s he doing on the internets anyway? Isn’t the internet the ultimate example of communism?

  • Greg B.

    Dear Todd,

    Please go lay across an intersection at the bottom of an icy hill in a city that doesn’t impose a socialist tyrannical driving ban.

    Thank you in advance,
    Everybody

  • John T

    Real Americans, exercise your God-given freedom to crash your car into a snowbank on the Upper West Side!

  • Lumpy Gaga

    Pedestrians, of course, remain completely free to do whatever they like

    I think we’ve found Starnes’ problem….

    • DaddyRay

      He certainly looks like he could use a bit more exercise

  • He’s the drunk guy at the wedding reception that hustles to get in all the pictures.

    • Dreaming Vertebrate

      He’s way worse than that guy, cause he’s drunk on his own pee.

  • Dreaming Vertebrate

    And not a thought or care in Toddy’s fat ham-head about the safety of all the first responders who have to rescue idiot motorists who cause accidents and block city workers trying to clear the streets. This is what happens after years of drinking your own pee.

  • Tom (Winnipeg)

    I wonder if these morons would exist if we ceased to pay attention to them? Yet again, it is their moronic followers that give them power.

  • Hryflex

    I rejoice that I am such a nice guy that I would condemn anyone who would suggest that Todd be thrown into the path of an oncoming socialist snowplow. That would be wrong. Don’t suggest that.

    • Dreaming Vertebrate

      This sounds like a job for the top of the line, industrial scale BNSF rotary snow blower.

      • Hryflex

        But those are only useful for homeless people, but never for important journalists like Todd Starnes, right?

  • nycmcmike

    I lived in NY and of your ass is dumb enough to be on the road and get into an accident thus taking away city rescue resources in what could have been a major snow storm catastrophe then your dumb ass should be arrested.

    • Austin Bennett

      Like my momma always said, “You hurt yourself? It’ll feel better in a minute. Wait it out.”

  • teeveedub

    Why does the thought of an abandoned Todd Starnes buried face down in a snowbank amuse me so?

    • Octavio

      The chubbiest of snow angels. But dead. 🙂

      • Ben in Oakland

        He was always pretty dead.

      • Not likely. Some toads can survive freezing solid for years at a time.

    • Robert Conner

      Face down in a snowbank surrounded by starving wolves?

      • RJ Bone

        I’d pity the wolves…

  • jonfromcalifornia

    Starnes really is as stupid as he looks. I have to ask again… what is it about conservatism that makes people go batshit crazy???

    • Now, now, if this had happened under a republican city leader, in another city not NYC, he would have been just as harsh.

      “Liberals decry necessary life-saving measure to ensure public safety. Fomenting revolution and anarchy against the rule of law!”

    • DaddyRay

      I have to assume it is the money. They know the more outrageous things they say the more press they get and the more booking from the media. If they didn’t make crap up they would remain nobodies.

      • jonfromcalifornia

        But I think these people actually BELIEVE the things they say.

        • DaddyRay

          I doubt it – it is just shock jock politics

        • I don’t think the Starneses and Perkinses and Fischers and Coulters do, but they know their audience does — especially if they repeat it again and again and again.

    • Robert Conner

      The Republican Party is a church for stupid people. If you discard the notion that the GOP is a political party and regard it as a church, everything they say fits the context. It immediately explains why they believe things that are manifestly false–it’s faith.

    • Stev84

      Maybe you are confusing cause and effect

    • Do you really think Starnes believes anything he says?

    • oikos

      I think they are already crazy and that’s why conservatism (not based in any reality) is appealing to them.

      • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

        It also attracts the greedy, the selfish, the willfully ignorant, and the hypocritical.

  • It takes a special kind of sociopath to twist an obviously necessary plan into a plot against the people just to suit a political and monetary agenda. Congratulations, we’ve found the typical conservative capitalist asshole. They come in liberal capitalist assholes too, but they’re usually more concerned about the environment and making sure the law suits them even if it’s politically inconvenient.

  • DaddyRay

    NY Metro Weather ‏@nymetrowx 3m3 minutes ago
    We’re awaiting final totals still. But JFK airport recorded 30.3″ of snowfall in one day — shattering their daily and all time record.

  • Lionel Leston

    Oh look, it’s Peter Griffin’s evil twin.

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    • medaka

      fuck your spam. flagged.

      (oh the horror of re-sorting comments according to “Newest”)

      • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

        It’s Todd Starnes testing a new job, in the event a 3rd democratic presidency in a row makes him even more irrelevant (even for Faux).

  • Robert Conner

    Here’s wishing Toad the freedom to slide out onto a frozen freeway into the path of a fleet of out-of-control salt trucks.

  • robirob

    Well, he’s kind of right. Don’t let government get in the way of being a danger to yourself and others and take back your freedom to be a contender for the Darwin Award.

  • Bluto

    ..

  • Stev84

    Most mocked? I went to his account to be entertained and mostly saw support

  • unsurprising. starnes’ audience can’t afford a vacation in NYC and has no understanding of anything tht happens there. he may, but he’s playing a role here. real murkins never give their cars, and anyone who tries is a communist. we all know that, here in flyoverland. even liberals here cling to the idea that there must Always Be Cars.

    in defense of people who live in the flyover zones, you don’t really appreciate how much it sux to try to go without a car in some places. pubtran is not good in many of even our cities, let alone rural places. starnes is fear mongering in the more banal, if classic way during an election year and nothing more. kicking DeB is just a bonus for his racist fans.

  • Jafafa Hots

    I have lived most of my life in blizzard country and travel bans happen every couple of years or so. Under Republicans.

    This guy is a fucking idiot.

  • Yes, Toddy, Communists have snow emergency rules, regulations and procedures too. And they have MickeyD’s too. Now eat your oatmeal. The bus is coming.

  • Tigernan Quinn

    Todd, you are free to head out into the snow and wander around at will. In fact, I encourage you to do this. Leave your coat at home.

    • Gene

      that much blubber would protect him if he stayed out all night in nothing but his boxers on Baffin Island or roaming the streets of Nome.

  • Toddy, stay away from communist Chicago — aside from travel bans, if you park on a designated snow route during a major storm, your car is 1) going to get buried as they plow the streets, and 2) be towed and impounded once they get around to digging it out. (Unless, of course, you get your fat little butt out there and dig it out yourself.)

  • Dan Robinson

    Can anyone enlighten me about where this “Todd Starnes drinks pee” thing came from? I’m assuming it’s just a joke but it keeps dribbling into comments here and there.
    just curious.

  • Mister Don

    Hey Canned-Ham face, at least look up the meaning of martial law before you go blathering it all over the place. We got the same crap from your ilk in Boston three years ago after the marathon bombings. When those bombers shot and killed that MIT police officer and initiated a chase to adjacent Watertown from Cambridge, each and every emergency vehicle–sirens blaring–passed 50 feet in front of my window.

  • bryan

    He is protecting his god given right to freeze to death.

  • anne marie in philly

    if you don’t like living under “communist” rule, douchebag, then GTFO to russia or china or north korea! see if those countries will put up with your sorry fatass whining!

  • Mark

    Surely there is somebody on the east coast who will ‘do’ one for the team. He’s just NOT going to shut up until somebody fucks this bleating bitch!

  • TuuxKabin

    This goomba should know: from this morning’s NYT – While New Yorkers rested up for a day of shoveling, the New York Police Department was busy overnight keeping the roads clear.

    By 4 a.m., the police had responded to 401 accidents and towed 367 vehicles, a department spokesman said.

    Despite stern warnings from Mayor Bill de Blasio for drivers who flouted the travel ban, the police had not made any arrests as of 4 a.m., the spokesman said.

    Highway patrol officers were out in force at road checkpoints, advising drivers to take shelter.

    • Mark

      It can no longer be said that the truly stupid are all Texans. Sounds like about 401 NY’s made the grade.

      • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

        I imagine there were a few people on the road because they had dickish bosses who refused to let them have the day off.

  • ZRAinSWVA

    If you can bear it, read the responses on his Facebook page. I thought WND was bad, but the comments on FB made me want to weep for our country.

  • geoffalnutt

    His head is just a solid block of gelatinous material. There’s really no “there” there…at all. Eerie.

  • Mark

    Looking at Toddy has given me new perspective on how a parent could abandon a child….

  • lymis

    I just can’t help but note that it’s often the people like Starnes who bleat the loudest about commonsense safety measures who are also the first to screech in faux outrage if they weren’t put in place and something bad happens.

    If mass transit hadn’t been shut down, for example, and people were trapped in subways or buses in potentially deadly conditions, people like Starnes would be the first to point to the irresponsible government who didn’t protect its citizens (assuming the government is Democrats. If the government is Republican, the finger would be pointed at the fools who didn’t behave responsibly and expected the government to babysit them.)

  • BobSF_94117

    If he peers out his window and sees one unauthorized car go by, the Fox headlines will be “LAWLESSNESS in NYC!!!! Looting surely to follow!!!!”

  • Ish

    Well, actually I thought the repeated threats of arrest and discussion of curfews and travel bans was problematic. I’ve never heard such language or threats used because of weather before.

    • Lakeview Bob

      Yes and you would find it problematic when an emergency vehicle could not reach you because your street was not plowed. Repeated threats? It is people like you and Toady that have to hear it repeatedly because you do not respect authority. Apparently.

      What is the public good is not always your personal “good”.

      • Ish

        You’re right, good German, I do not respect authority I question it.

        • Lakeview Bob

          Life must be real challenging for you.

  • dcurlee

    His stupidity has no end

  • LovesIrony

    Starnes is an anarchist?

  • BobSF_94117

    Fox is already preparing their headlines for when De Blasio lifts the ban:

    “New York Values: Hummers in the Streets!!!!”

  • Gerry Fisher

    I can’t think of too many things more oppressive than a blizzard. Maybe a sinking ship or getting caught in a house on fire.

    Toddy has such trouble submitting out here in the real world. He must be the world’s largest pig bottom in the bedroom.

    • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

      I thought he looked familiar.

  • DaveMiller135

    Todd: I hope you won’t think less of me.
    Dave: Oh Todd, don’t worry. I couldn’t possibly think less of you.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Idiot.

    Really, what more is there to say?

  • DesertSun59

    He’s the perfect example of the definition of delusional:

    ‘characterized by or holding idiosyncratic beliefs or impressions that are contradicted by reality or rational argument, typically as a symptom of mental disorder.’

  • Traxley Launderette

    Would someone near and dear to this overstuffed sack of rotting potatoes please tell Mr. Starnes to shut his porthole.

    Please and thank you.

  • Steven Leahy

    Doesn’t this plugged up wanker have ANYTHING else to bitch about?

  • Macbill

    Todd relates the brown shit-Stairnes in the Underwear-of-Life.

  • Arguably the most punchable face in America, but I imagine doing so would be a lot like poking the Pillsbury Dough Boy in the tummy.

  • Octoberfurst

    Todd Starnes almost makes Sarah Palin look smart by comparison.

  • Kissmagrits

    I keep seeing Toddy lowered into a fire pit on a Pacific island beach tightly wrapped in palm leaves. And, later, the whole tribe can be seen softly belching and wiping grease from their chins.

  • DirtyPierre

    Jesus Christ! If this was a Communist country, Starnes would have disappeared in the night years ago and taken his stinking stupid ideas with him to some frozen part of the world forever.

  • Ogre Magi

    He looks like a really effeminate version of Elmer Fudd in a bad toupee

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