Open Thread Thursday: 2016 Resolutions

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lose weight, see the world, yadda yadda yadda. Surely the readers of this here website thingy have some actually interesting resolutions. Let’s hear them.

  • pickypecker
    • Anastasia Beaverhousen

      Oh honey you’re right…. You are right.

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    Vote. Democratic.

    • That_Looks_Delicious

      ruh roh

      (good resolution)

  • barrixines

    To learn to appreciate alcohol that comes in bottles rather than Tetra-Paks.

    • Octavio

      Hah! ↑↑↑↑ THIS! ↑↑↑↑

  • Todd20036

    More kinky sex

    • CityWOOF

      I’m with you on this!

      • GanymedeRenard

        Me three!

    • Robert Stultz

      How about sex, period.

      • Mark

        What is sex again??? I forget.

      • camel54

        Involving more than one person?

      • WorknOut303

        I don’t have a period.

      • TuuxKabin

        ewwww, the guy behind has Ted Cruz’s nose and mouth.

      • Mark

        asd;lkjasdf;ioun;klashcdlvunasgoiyatlkgjnare3v0oinlnjksdbfl.;ihszdjftgiou

        sorry…I fainted.

        • sherman

          i cant typ woth 1 hnd

      • Brian in Valdosta

        Oh, that’s that new shiatsu massage technique I’ve …. uhh read so much about.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        One man I dated during college turned to me after sex and said, “You make me so happy, I want you to kill me.” Then he took my hands and placed them around his neck. Not only did I not oblige him, but I fled.

        Moral: Be careful what you wish for.

        • Six Pins Delores

          Are you single? How big are your hands 🙂

          • Phillip in L.A.

            Oh yes, single!

    • GanymedeRenard

      Can I join you? 😉

  • bkmn

    ..

    • Christopher

      With so much stupidity around, that’s asking way too much! 😉

    • Gerry Fisher

      I find myself muttering “compassion” to myself before I go into certain situations. It can be hard to keep front and center.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        Whatever gets you through the night! ;}

  • jmax

    To stop wasting hours a day on the computer reading the JMG comment section…
    Starting tomorrow.

  • HZ81

    I resolve to be a better awesome faggy queermo! Happy NY all my fabulous JMG peeps. And to Joe, of course!

  • CityWOOF

    I plan to masturbate even more than I already do, if that’s even possible.

    • barrixines

      Thank you for taking your hands off your bedroom furniture long enough to write that. I wish you all the best in your endeavour – it’s heartening to read about a genuine desire for self improvement.

      • JCF

        Well, self-sumthin! ;-D

      • Michael Rush
        • Grumpy old Man

          wow! “and there is nothing you can do about it”

          • Michael Rush

            that’s from the tv show ” LOUIE ” , i just discovered it
            this year and there are 5 seasons , HIGHLY recommended .

    • FAEN

      Atta boy! Sign me up.

    • Jeff

      HEY! That’s my resolution!!!!

      • CityWOOF

        Let me know if I can help out in any way. We can DO this!

    • Steve Teeter

      I have a friend who likes to set himself little goals. He told me one was to learn to masturbate equally well with either hand.

      Now you have a new goal yourself.

      • CityWOOF

        Oooo…I like that idea! Happy New Year!

      • FAEN

        I accomplished that when I was 15 and I am forever grateful lol.

    • JT
      • CityWOOF

        Hahahaha!

    • KCMC

      was (now laughing) sharing recent mild concern which had me confessing to dr of nightly activity. Somewhat embarrassed to report to dr that I was masturbating daily, one friend told me that at our age that was something to be proud of.

      • CityWOOF

        Right?! I will be 53 in February, and I am as horny and functional as I was in my 20’s. Pretty happy about that!

        • KCMC

          poor dr had to ask when that last time (what year) that I had sex, with another person.
          Living sitcom. HA.

          • barrixines

            Oh I can remember being asked by the doctor how many people I had had sex with in the previous month and the awful silence that went on for ever as I tried to add up the exact number in my head. Still it beats agreeing to let a bunch of medical students watch me being given an anal exam and having them witness, because the bloody doctor took his hand off it, me firing a proctoscope across the room.

          • CityWOOF

            omg – I used to do “Patient Modeling” for some extra cash. I’d be in a little room on a cot in a backless hospital gown with my ass lubed up, and groups of students would come in and stick their finger up there so they could feel what a prostate gland feels like. Young guys, girls. This would go on for hours. The doctor would go in first and show them how to find it. It went on for hours….paid really well! 🙂

          • barrixines

            I am impressed – had I been an Arsehole Model that would now be at the top of my CV.

          • Octavio

            And it went on for hours . . . 😛

          • That_Looks_Delicious

            Damn it! Why wasn’t I told about this?

          • BobSF_94117

            “Mind you, students, when you do this it’s not likely the patient will be moaning quite as much as Mr. Woof.”

          • KCMC

            ZOMG! When shall we write the sitcom? Have we begun?
            Last teaching hospital Derm appointment for hand/foot issue I offered to room of students, “I think it’s stigmata. But the Vatican is not returning my calls or e-mails.” Room full spun on their heels as head resident calmly asked of their work-up, “What does he do?” “He’s a clinical social worker.” Group alarm diverted.

          • barrixines

            🙂 Right the guests have arrived here and now I have to pretend that I am not completely smashed already. Happy New Year to you.

          • KCMC

            Bottoms up. And I’m not drinking!

          • Grumpy old Man

            I’ve decided on an alcohol -free New Years – just because it has been about 50 years since the last time I did not drink on NY.

          • Phillip in L.A.

            Great story, KCMC, thx, and Happy New Year!

          • KCMC

            And to you, sir. Best stories are the real ones!

          • Phillip in L.A.

            Yes, now I believe we now have begun in earnest.

          • clay

            That’s similar to being asked with a PA trainee in the room, “Are you sexually active?” “Not really.” “How many days has it been?” “Six.” The trainee’s chin hit the floor and my PA turned to her and said, “With the gay ones, you always have to be more specific.”

            A year earlier, when it was that PA who was in training, I had to tell her, “No, that’s not my prostate; you aren’t even through the entire sphincter, yet.”

    • So an angel is giving a tour of heaven to visitors. Someone asks–“What are all those things over there? They look like electric meters with clock hands that circle around.”

      Angel: “Oh, there’s one for everybody. The devices measure how much one masturbates. If you look at them, some barely move and others move a lot more.”

      The visitors look more closely. One asks, “Where is the one for CityWOOF?”

      Angel: “Oh, we keep it in the office. We use it as a fan.”

      • CityWOOF

        HAHAHAHA! Love it! Happy New Year!

        • And many more to all you terrific JMG folks 🙂

    • bambinoitaliano

      Many of us here will help you achieve that. So daily video posting a must. And maybe skyping just to make sure it’s real time 😛

      • CityWOOF

        Chaturbate!

  • olandp

    Last year, my resolution was to make my bed every day, and I almost did, until this week, and not to let the house get such a mess, that one not so much… so the same this year.

    • Octavio

      I learned an easy trick to keep me neat and tidy. I hired a housekeeper. Even though at first when I did this, I couldn’t afford one. But over the last 50 years it has saved relationships and kept me on my toes. I have to keep the place reasonably clean to keep the house keeper coming back.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        “I have to keep the place reasonably clean to keep the house keeper coming back.”

        Funny, that–I’ve found it true as well!

        • Octavio

          The guy who currently cleans house for us usually comes by on Thursday. The first thing El Squeeze does on Thursday mornings is bag up all the bottles, tubes and jars of lube and Vaseline. He hides them under the basin in his bathroom. The housekeeper is on to him. He collects the bag, washes and cleans off everything and returns it to the top drawer of his night stand. 🙂

          • Steve Teeter

            LOL

          • Phillip in L.A.

            that’s called “de-fagging,” ¿que no?

            ¡Feliz año nuevo, Octavio. Que tengan un 2016 fabuloso, saludable y sano!

            Besos y abrazos

          • Octavio

            Lo mismo a ti. ¡Tengas un buen año nuevo!

          • Phillip in L.A.

            I see you found those ASCII codes–good on you!

            Now you have a tilde

          • Octavio

            Tengo un MacBook Pro y el teclado está configurado para el castellano, portuguese, catalán, etcétera. LOL!

          • Phillip in L.A.

            Sí, también yo tengo un iMAC.

            Los códigos para MAC son un poco diferente, pero sí que los hay

          • Octavio

            Deberías haber compradolo en España. 😀

  • vorpal

    How can one improve on perfection?

    Actually, I plan on starting my Mandarin studies back up, which is something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time and my hesitation in doing so has been something about which I’ve been feeling quite guilty.

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      I think you did pretty well in 2015. After all, you met the best person ever.

      • barracks9

        Oh, get a room, y’all!

        Seriously, I adore you two goofballs 🙂

      • vorpal

        I think you MAY be slightly biased…
        (…but I am inclined to agree.)

    • Phillip in L.A.

      ooh, I want to learn Mandarin as well, so I can learn to greet our wonderful new Chinese overlords in their own language (whenever that happens)

  • kcken

    I will not race every car at a stop light …
    I will not race every car at a stop light …
    I will not race every car at a stop light …

    ** races at the next stop light **

  • Gustav2

    I am going to take more naps.

    • Gustav2

      Ah! That was lovely.

      • Octavio

        NAP? National Organization of Protestors?

        • Lumpy Gaga

          NOP.

          • Octavio

            National Organization of Penises? 🙂

    • delk

      I have a notification on all my devices that goes off at 1pm everyday and says NAP.

  • Lakeview Bob

    Bring down tRUMP and get Hillary elected. This is critical.

    • FAEN

      And try to win the Senate and House back.

  • Porkie

    Have sex ….A LOT.

    • Paige Turner

      That doesnt look like its going to be a problem!

    • Phillip in L.A.

      Is that a resolution, or a confession? ;}

      “Like dressmakers and hairdressers
      I hear confessionals
      Reserved for homosexual professionals”

      –Momus, “The Homosexual,” from the album Tender Pervert (1988)

  • JuanGalicia

    I recently made the decision to stay at a job that frankly is more than I can handle but only after I managed to get a considerable consessions.

    My objective is simply to get better at my job, which I love. The rest will sort itself out if I do well :p

  • TuuxKabin

    Nuttin’ Honey.

    • TuuxKabin

      what about after the new year?

  • HanyBaal

    Finish the novel I started in November for NaNoWriMo

    • barrixines

      Good on you. I was a writer for many years in the UK and the advice I gave to people again and again was simply – sit down in front of a blank screen or piece of paper and do it. It’s exhausting hearing about the number of people who consider themselves to have a book in them who don’t actually want to put in the slog.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        Yes, writing is very hard work, but thankfully, like most other kinds of work, showing up every day is at least half the battle

        • barrixines

          Yes it is – I wrote mostly humour and it’s bloody difficult not to mention quite ludicrous sitting there for hour after hour trying to make yourself laugh. It’s also a bit tiresome everyone assuming just because they can hack out a text message that of course anyone can write. I remember a surgeon asking me if I thought everyone had a novel in them. I said I don’t know – do you think everyone has an appendectomy in them?

          • Phillip in L.A.

            Fortunately, I make myself laugh just getting up in the morning! ;}

            Happy New Year!

  • Paul Forsyth

    Get a new job! Anyone out there need a corporate event planner?

  • Nausea

    Try to set an example by reducing my carbon footprint 10% by using mass transit, consolidating errands and walking more.

  • Nychta

    My resolutions turn to dissolutions all too readily, so I avoid making them.

    Happy New Year, everyone!

    • TuuxKabin

      At least you get results. Happy New Year and I hope you enjoy your dissolutions.

  • aar9n

    Pray the republicans away.

  • Gyeo

    My best friend asked me to be his best man and his wedding planner. Here’s hoping I don’t fuck it up.

    • ChrisMorley

      There’s a few apps for that so you can’t fuck it up.

  • sherman

    Die quickly and painlessly in the first minute of the coming Apocalypse.

  • Mark

    I resolve to finally get my little self-business on its way. There’s been lots and lots of plannin, lots and lots of building, lots and lots of proto this and design that – and finally…FINALLY! – it’s time.

  • Butch

    Well, a resolution doesn’t necessarily have to be good for you, does it? I think I’ll take up smoking and try to drink more.

  • Edmund Allin

    Start on my five-volume autobiography, and finish at least two volumes before the year is out.

    • Octavio

      You can name the first three volumes Me, Myself, and I. Titles for the last two? I got nuthin’. 🙂

      • Johnny Wyeknot

        “Now” and “Forever” ?

        • Ragnar Lothbrok

          “He” and ” We” ?

      • Lumpy Gaga

        My ass and my gut?

  • JaniceInToronto

    I will stop hitting people with my fire axe, unless they really deserve it.
    In this way, I will improve my patience, ’cause fuck I am a cranky old dyke who’s just about had it up to here…

    • barrixines

      Woo! I think if I do really have a New Year’s resolution it’s to become a cranky old dyke. It could possibly be some stretch…

    • Phillip in L.A.

      My second resolution: Buy a bigger fire axe for JaniceInToronto

  • Christian Flanagan

    2015 was an odd year for me. After 25 years writing code and creating training and education applications, in June I quit my job with no real landing pad. I’ve not worked since. 2016 means starting over with a different path. One that leads to joy instead of just a paycheck. I have a lot of skills. I’m going to be self-employed and focused on the goal of creating joy in my life.

    • Mark

      Got laid off in 2012. It has taken three+ years since – but January 2016 will see the unofficial official launch of “steel fun”. It’s a long, long way from 30 years of high tech.

      I’ve never worked with steel outside of a job at Avondale Shipyards when I was a kid. And why i am being drawn to steel – I have no idea. Maybe because it is tough and lasts a long time?? 🙂

      GO for it!!

    • camel54

      Go for it. 2 years ago I stopped work, because I hated it, sold the house and moved to Italy where I don’t yet speak the language very well. I have enough land to grow food, enough wood to heat the house and not a lot of money and I am crazy happy. Life is too short to have a bloody job…….

      • sherman

        Wow, gutsy.

      • Balderdashing

        Where can I find a husband who won’t make me work a soul-destroying job?

        • camel54

          Rare beasts indeed. Forget the husband and do it yourself. Then you might find exactly what you’re looking for….

          • Balderdashing

            Well, the quest for the right ukuleles continues regardless.

          • Phillip in L.A.

            ‘Zack’ly.

    • Octavio

      You have done the wisest thing anyone can do. After years of trying to be respectable working in academia and medical informatics I quit it all and did what I should have done decades earlier — I became a full-time studio musician. The work is good. The pay is exceptional. And I’m really,really, really good at it. Sadly, it took the death of my previous partner to send me in the depths of depression to completely start over. The last twenty+ years have been the best I could ever have hoped for. And I don’t ever have to worry about “retiring.” You do what you love and “retiring” isn’t an issue.

      I wish you and everyone else on similar paths the best of success and happiness. It does exist.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        Thanks so much for this comment, Octavio.

        The light at the end of the tunnel somehow seems to burn brighter, when we learn how others have turned life’s lemons into lemonades.

        My New Year’s Resolution: Stop Mixing Metaphors!

        Happy & Healthy 2016 to you and yours, and to J.M.G. and all his fabulous flying monkeys readers

      • Grumpy old Man

        Would you share something we/I could go listen to?

    • Hue-Man

      Instead of job-hunting on the sly, I quit my job of nearly 20 years and started working full-time on the only important task – strategizing what I would do next and making it happen. Admittedly, not everyone has the financial resources to do this but too often I’ve seen unhappy employees jump into a “new” job that turns out to be just as corrosive as the old job. Thinking about yourself is a luxury few working people can afford.

    • Christian Flanagan

      Thanks for all the encouraging replies. Very nice.

  • anne marie in philly

    never make ’em; everyone out here have a great 2016 (except for the h8ers – you bastards are going down by your words and deeds!)

  • David Walker

    Two things: My anger toward our enemies has evolved into hate. I need to get rid of that, because I see what hate has done to them. I’d rather not become like that. I intend to keep my anger, but I have to drop the hate.

    The other thing is that I will to find a sugar…well, it can’t be a daddy because few are older than I. Sugar cub? Sugar son? Rich, unthinking person. My revue of pop music from 1900 to 1923 is done and I need someone with lots of money and not a lot of taste to come up with bucks to workshop it or make a recording of it or have the revue staged. Yes. I stand a much better chance with the first.

    Thanks for an amazing year, Joe. Thanks for the laughs and thought-provoking comments and expert analyses from all you JMGers. Happy New Year all.

    • Mark

      So true on your first point. I noticed it in myself as well. Just the mere mention of ‘xtian’ saw the blades shoot out the top of my hands. Slice and dice. Got to funnel it into something – anything – more beneficial.

      • Octavio

        I really have nothing to complain about, yet I complain. I think I’ll work on fixing that.

        • RaygunsGoZap

          Happy New Year! I think good thoughts of you all the time!

          My goal is to move through the the world more softly.

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          • RaygunsGoZap

            Flagged! This is lazy fucking work, Joann. You’re replying to a post a day old! That’s not gonna get you very many eyes. It’s this level of shoddy work which keeps you from succeeding in the real world.

      • FAEN

        I feel the same. I don’t enjoy being angry or hateful but there are days it gets too much. What pushes my buttons the most is the wilfull ignorance the faux Christians push. Even when solid facts are presented they still retreat to the BS they get from gossip, FB and small town thinking. I have relatives who believe without a doubt that President Obama wants to execute Christians with a guillotine! That kind of crap drives me nuts and causes me to lose my cool. I’m going to try to keep that at a simmer for 2016 but with it being an election year I’m not sure how far I’ll get lol.

    • sherman

      Good luck, DW.

    • Octavio

      Feliz año nuevo. Recuerde, cuando dejas de buscar algo que siempre encuentres.

      • barrixines

        Senyor Octavio. You are a complete charmer and your virtual company on JMG this year has been much appreciated. Bon any to you and yours.

        • Octavio

          Gracias amable señor. Espero 2016 le trae mucho el sexo cerdo con mucha satisfacción. Y sea seguro cuando se juega en la oscuridad con los abuelos sucios en Cine Arenas. 😛

          • barrixines

            I don’t do anything like that at all. I do however offer a service whereby I help older gentlemen find their huevos again when they have become buried in the sand on Mar Bella. Seeing the effect gravity is beginning to have on my scrotum I know I’ll be only too happy for a similar hand in years to come. (I’ve temporarily escaped from my Swiss German dinner party – the diminutives they add to practically every word are exhausting to filter out.)

          • Octavio

            When I lived in BCN that particular venue was the original Bear Factory. We’d go for drinks until they closed at 23:00 hrs then zoom away to some cheap feel up sex at La Metro. Mind you, we didn’t always behave so cavalierly. Just when we were both exceptionally horny and needed to indulge our need for exhibitionism. My favorite watering hole was a place call Tatu, or something like that. I doubt it still exists, but it was much more relaxing. They always had really bad drag shows and the senior types who drank there were terribly respectable — at least for a gay bar. Gosh. That’s more than 20 years ago. I’m soooooo old! It’s amazing I can still walk. LOL!

          • barrixines

            In the sage words of Little Esther:

            “Junior may be young and stronger

            But I’ll take grandpa cause he’s had it longer
            I like my men like I like my whiskey
            Aged and mellow”

            The Vicomte is actually younger than me but one of my good points if I have any is my utter lack of discrimination in men. I feel I would have missed out so much had I ever been caught up on age or body types. I’d be completely useless at internet dating having to fill in a list of my likes -I simply don’t have much of a sexual shopping list.

            When you speak about bars for older blokes I remember one in Copenhagen. Decked out like your great auntie’s front parlour, antimacassars thrown over anything that didn’t move, including the old fellas. Lovely atmosphere. I’ve always said should I go the whole gerontophile hog I would move to Scandanavia, probably Sweden – something about the frozen north that keeps the old’uns looking very hot.

          • Phillip in L.A.

            “I feel I would have missed out so much had I ever been caught up on age or body types.”

            Agree. At 19, my BF was 32; now he is remembered to the world with a panel in the AIDS Quilt. (Sigh.) Some guys in the 80’s and 90’s were into working out–I did it–but nowadays things seem a little overblown.

            For young minds accustomed to getting what they want (and where sexual commoditization is as close as one’s mobile device), I think it’s more difficult to stop and think that what’s inside a person is as important–if not more so–than the exterior.

            Those Swiss are a trip….

          • barrixines

            Oh they warmed up with a few drinks and one of the guys here with his girlfriend was extremely easy on the eye. His amazingly hairy forearms more than made up for his lack of linguistic skills.

          • barrixines

            Good god this evening is boring. According to the other half they are all having a lot of fun – Swiss style. I am amazed these people haven’t been to war in seven hundred years – I would have thought they might have started one just to break the tedium.

          • David Walker

            They prefer the action the see at the Vatican. Our LGBT Center has two opportunities per month for gay old farts to get together, but it’s not a bar atmosphere, which it should be. Still, we seem to like it.

          • Phillip in L.A.

            “I know of no venues that cater specifically to senior men.”

            In WeHo, The Numbers and Hunters cater to senior men, although they are hustler bars.(*)

            I know what you’re talking about, though…. ;}

            (*) As Bob Damron and the International Gay Guide always used to point out, “AYOR”

          • Mamitas carinosas

            Por favor, la direction de este cine?

          • Octavio

            El fin de Gran Via de Les Corts, subseulo. Plaça España. 🙂

    • SoCalVet

      I like it. You’ve inspired me.

    • hiker_sf

      Do you have a blog? I’d like to hear more about that music and maybe see a list or something. Happy New Year to you too!

      • David Walker

        I have The “Oh, Pshaw” Follies, but it’s been about a month since I wrote anything in it and I tend not to do much with it. I just wanted to have something Out There. The range of readers has been amazing. I don’t know what they google to get there, but I’ve had visitors from all over the place.

        “’23 Revue” is a 2-act revue sort of modeled on “Ain’t Misbehavin'” with some sequences (The Great War, Musical Theater, Blues, Song & Dance, Prohibition) with lots of solos, some typical and predictable (For Me and My Gal, I Want a Girl [Just Like the Girl], Over There, Ain’t We Got Fun) and some others that may be less familiar. While I have no academic background in music, I have been arranging choral and piano music for a long time and I thought it would be fun, as in teaching an old dog a new tricks, so I tried to teach myself orchestration. It’s taken about 2 years to finish it. I’m kind of proud of it and I’m dying to hear it, even more than to see it. So, if know of any Max Bialystocks running around,…

        And the blog is at http://ohpshaw.blogspot.com/

        • Phillip in L.A.

          Thanks for the info, DW!

          And a very happy and healthy New Year to you!

        • hiker_sf

          Thanks! I’m surrounded by rag-time music and your post piqued my interest. One neighbor in my building is a prolific composer of rag-time music – see her video below. Another is couple (same building) are performers of mostly rag-time. blues and other music of the era. He has an extensive collection of 78s and quite a few cylinders as well. He’s also somewhat well know for Then there is my landlord and his wife who also loves and perform ragtime, showtunes and jazz of the era. They actually built a concert hall that seats about 400 and has an awesome pipe organ. Funny thing is that while I couldn’t be pried away from rock music of my era, I loved a radio show on Sundays (I think it was called Strictly from Dixie) hosted by Benson Curtis and I actually know a lot of this music from my childhood. Anyway, I’ll check out your blog and Happy New Year!

          https://youtu.be/yFPmnW1uqTU

          • David Walker

            I’d like to continue this conversation, but it’s 12:30 here, I’m a tad fuzzy, and bed sounds like a good idea. Are you on Facebook? I’m there, same name, same picture, Pennsylvania address, LGBT Center reference. If not, let’s figure something out. Happy New Year, hiker_sf.

          • Hryflex

            Interesting blog! I’m originally from H-burg, so we must have some friends in common.

    • RaygunsGoZap

      Hahaha! Good for you recognizing that needs to change! I try to remember that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. Hard to cultivate indifferenance in the face of injustices, I find. Easier to feel indifference to the purveyors of hate, I hope.

      You’re great!

      • David Walker

        You’re not so bad yourself, fella.

    • LADY MABELINE

      I love your post.

      • David Walker

        Thank you. Enjoy your day and hope your new year is astounding.

  • Leo Tallant

    I only ever made one of them. It was: “Don’t Make New Year’s Resolutions”. I have kept it all these years too! 😉

  • Mark

    I resolve to not eat any pussy this year.

    • JaniceInToronto

      Can I have your share? You can have all the dick I won’t be using.

      • Mark

        Sounds like a very workable resolution !! 🙂

  • Swallow.

    • Oh’behr

      Find someone that I really like and with whom I have a wonderful connection to swallow. I’m old and a romantic.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      Chew thoroughly first!!!

  • 41PC

    Toss out my ex, his guest status was over stayed more than a year ago. No longer accept being unimportant to others (and myself) and putting their needs above mine; this was the year of dating hell. Make some friends, starting with me.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      this was the year of dating hell

      When are you two kids gonna make it legal?

  • Snarkaholic

    Be even snarkier!

    • Sam_Handwich

      2016 will by the year of the Snarkpocalypse!!

      • sherman

        Snarknado.

      • Snarkaholic

        Orchestrated by yours, truly…the Prince of Snarkness!

    • Phillip in L.A.

      Been working on something I’m calling, “Notes on Snark”

      Maybe I’ll share soon, if Susan Sontag would just return my texts

    • JCF

      Yeah, like THAT is possible. /s

      • Snarkaholic

        Thanks for your vote of confidence!

  • 2amor

    I resolve to make this world a better place for my husband, children and friends.

    • sherman

      Sounds like you’ll also be entering the Mrs. America pageant. 🙂

  • LADY MABELINE

    I will not view the Breitbart website ever again; Until Hillary is elected or Joe relays some delicious Sadz from there. Oh, and lose those same ten pounds I do every January. Happy New Year to everyone at my favorite website and comment section in whole world.

    • Paige Turner

      Im with you on Breibart. Its abusive and addictive.

  • Kevin Perez

    Explore the Pacific Northwest before a 9.2 earthquake sinks Seattle and Portland into the sea.

    • Hue-Man

      Plus parts of Vancouver, B.C., and its suburbs – notably Richmond which is comprised of islands barely above sea level and which is home to Vancouver International Airport (so much for flying in emergency teams, relief supplies).

      The tsunami is what everyone else has to watch out for, assuming they survive the quake.

      “[The tsunami’s] height will vary with the contours of the coast, from twenty feet to more than a hundred feet.”

      “The inundation zone will be scoured of structures from California to Canada.”

      http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/07/20/the-really-big-one

    • Alex in Idaho

      Hah. I’m looking forward to my ocean-front property! If the Yellowstone hotspot doesn’t blow up first, of course.

  • tcinsf

    1) Delete facebook profile.
    2) Get Spanish language skills back up to snuff.
    3) get back in killer shape now that surgery has removed that one lingering excuse.
    4) Eat your damn veggies.
    5) work at home and minimize commute time.

    • TuuxKabin

      But I wanna eat my damn veggies. I’ll share a lil’ bit with you tho.

      • tcinsf

        Eat your veggies! I shall join you.

        • TuuxKabin

          Ok.

    • FAEN

      Veggies are delicious!

    • Sam_Handwich

      the only known way to delete a facebook account involves detonating a small nuclear device

      • Hue-Man

        I chose the 100% certain way – don’t sign up in the first place!

      • tcinsf

        I’m dealing with “don’t go” form family and friends. Blech.

    • Tallulah

      Buena suerte en todo que hace!

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      Mi pareja me consiguió la piedra Rosetta de la navidad para los españoles

      • Octavio

        ¡Ay, que bueno! Van a tener capaz de hacer el amor y hablar sucio en el idioma. Recuerde, siempre tragar.

        • Ragnar Lothbrok

          You always give the best advice my friend.

          • Octavio

            Remember: mamadas and chupadas are the same thing, they just mean different things in different countries! Y recuerde, siempre tragar la leche de su pareja. LOL! 🙂

          • Phillip in L.A.

            But keep in mind, “chupacabra” is a real thing, and “mamacabra” is not–at least so for as Fox Mulder and I have been informed

        • Phillip in L.A.

          ¿De veras se dice “hablar sucio” dónde vives? Yo pensaba que eso era un anglicismo, pero no lo sé.

          • Octavio

            Es posible tienes razón. El Squeeze me dice siempre “Digame cosas sucias, amor.” Él es porteño y utilizo sus modismos y copio la forma en que me habla. Así que, realmente no lo sé.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        Un poco mejor: “Mi pareja me regaló para la Navidad ‘la Piedra Rosetta'” en edición castellana.”

        But it’s all good! ;}

        • Ragnar Lothbrok

          Si, I have a long road ahead.

    • BobSF_94117

      I fail to see why you have to resolve to eat my vegetables!

  • FAEN

    I’d like to accomplish more in 2016 than I did in 2015. And to finally get back to 165lbs(I have 8 to go).

  • Baby Dave

    Gyms sell out their memberships in December, are full in early January, and empty again by February.

    Which is why I never make New Year’s Resolutions. NY Resolutions make liars out of everyone

    • Butch

      I always called the folks who show up for a couple of weeks in January and then disappear the “resolutionaries.”

  • Sam_Handwich

    o/t breaking…. Benzo Carson’s campaign manager and communications director have jumped ship due to ‘tensions’ with adviser Armstrong WIlliams

    https://twitter.com/JenniferJJacobs/status/682610412546686976

    • TuuxKabin

      Good way to end an old year and start a new one. Looking forward to reading more about it here. Thanks for the news candidate Sam_Handwich.

    • sherman
    • That_Looks_Delicious

      Yeah, but Carson doesn’t think HE’s the problem. He actually thinks his own campaign staff is holding him back and he’s the supercandidate.

    • clay

      Either he didn’t like the sexual harassment, or he didn’t like the fact that Ben Carson’s being fed off of by a “personal manager”.

  • The Milkman

    You know, I’m wanting to focus this year on taking better care of myself. Yes, losing weight might be part of that, but also reducing stress and trying to be kinder to myself and others.

    • FAEN

      Those are good resolutions to have.

    • Phillip in L.A.

      seriously, try meditation for stress reduction and kindness amplification–it works wonders!

  • Gayskeptic

    Hey, JoeMyGoers! Have a great brand new earthly revolution around this gorgeous Sun and may whatever resolution you make, you keep! Cheers mates!!

  • Priya Lynn

    My resolution is to get back on the diet that was working so well up until christmas. I was down 45 lbs Dec 24th.

  • Hue-Man

    I refuse to do anything to prepare for 2016 – there must be some loon predicting the end of the world today, so why worry?! Be Happy.

  • Adam Schmidt

    Twice a year (on my birthday which is in August and again on New Year’s) I make a list of the things in my life that are making me unhappy. And then I pick a few that I think I can actually do something about and give it my best. I don’t expect to succeed, just that I’ll try. If I fail, then it probably goes on the list again next time and that’s ok.

    And doing this over and over means that the things that do make me unhappy don’t just sit in my life making me miserable… I try to do something about them.

    Doing this, I’ve given up my pack a day smoking habit, started working out 4-5 days a week and kept it up the last 4 years, changed jobs, worked out relationship issues that were driving us both nuts, bought a house, bought a new car, made a point to have more sex, and a lot more… and that was all in the last 5 years.

    And I can thank the counselor I saw for most of a year for this. I saw him because I’d just come out of an abusive relationship and knew that I stayed in it much longer than I should have and wanted to make sure I’d never do something like that again.

    So I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t let the negative crap pile up in your life… tackle what you can and it’s ok if you fail. That just means you can try again another time.

    • Phillip in L.A.

      Beautiful and fabulous comment, Adam. Thanks, and keep up all that good work!

      Happy & Healthy 2016!

  • I pledge to continue my Gay Agenda plans to take over the world. Anyone care to join me?

    http://i.giphy.com/l2ISV3G3766wlQJS8.gif

    • TuuxKabin

      Sure, where and when do we assemble?

    • pickypecker
    • Porkie

      Just let me get my outside coat…..

    • WNY

      You’ve got my vote!

    • sherman

      Joe retweeted a link to this today:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=361AQwffjbY

    • Oh’behr

      (snicker). I’m going to continue my sock/sandal violations. I don’t get dirt/sand/thistle/dog poop in between my toes or on my feet.

      So there (raspberry sound). Grin!

    • Phillip in L.A.

      I will join you, but only if and when egregious spelling errors have been rectified.

      Yes, I know, I said “rectified.” ;}

      • Lumpy Gaga

        New Year’s resolution: get rectified.

    • JCF

      You’ll take my Sox&Sandals from my Cold Dead Feet!!! [Actually, they already feel like that—it’s winter.]

    • Grumpy old Man

      Sigh! I hope world domination takes a while longer – I can’t wear shoes and if I don’t wear socks, I sometimes leave bloody footprints (It is not really that bad but I now buy the most colorful socks I can find so people know that i know but no longer care).

  • Christopher

    With the coming election year, I’m resolved to…

  • Pete N SFO

    Buy more rental property.

  • Tallulah

    In the spirit of Armistead Maupin, I shall hold off on resolutions until Valentine’s Day.

    • Phillip in L.A.

      Do we have to wait until he dies to announce a St. Maupin’s Day?

      Nah, on second thought, I think he would approve.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    Acquire a new zip code

    • Phillip in L.A.

      Ooh, that’s a good one, Ragnar! I’d like to get one of those “special area codes” Beck keeps singing about.

  • camel54

    I will make phenomenal amounts of compost this year.

    • ColdCountry

      Now that made me laugh – thanks!

  • bambinoitaliano

    I will only list my resolutions once I accomplish them. Don’t hold your breath.

    • Oh’behr

      I like your resolution. Also the other people not making them.

  • fuow

    I make one a year and keep it.
    It’s fun and easy and, best of all, it puts the lie to all the asshole psychologists who say it’s not a good way to change things.

  • barrixines

    Just be happy. Not work happy, buy happy, drink happy, fuck happy. Just be. It’s an ongoing project.

    • Phillip in L.A.

      be-ing is so difficult in a world filled with so many people busily do-ing, but it’s a very worthwhile goal

  • Dagoril

    Like Patsy Stone, my New Year’s Resolution is to be more relaxed.

    • That_Looks_Delicious

      Saffy: “What’s that – dead?”

      • Dagoril

        Patsy : “Don’t question me!”

  • edrex

    Well.. to brag just a little my 2015 Resolution was to sit less, and I have an elliptical at my desk that I use throughout the day. So, I’m proud of that.

    This year hubby and I have resolved to host more dinner parties with a wider number of friends. And to finish the upstairs renovations of the (modest) Grey Gardens we call home.

  • Jeffrey

    Less social media, and that includes comment sections. I’ve become aware this year that comment sections are actually worse than Facebook. People are more likely to succumb to groupthink and the anonymity makes it easier for people, including myself, to be harsher on each other. In 2016 I intend to laugh cry or argue with people only face to face. Period.

    • TuuxKabin

      Well, if you show up less here, personally you’ll be missed. Your threads have always seemed to be well thought out. You seem to take the time to edit and proof what you write, and I’ve enjoyed and looked forward to read your comments. It is easy, as you write, to succumb to groupthink and it is easier to be harsh with/on each other. I’ve not noticed that from you. Anyway, I wish you success with your endeavor, you’re a good sort, have a nice smile and handsome, in my humble opinion. Take care.

  • Duh-David

    Wag more, BARK less.

    via GIPHY

    • TuuxKabin

      Sweet. I’d like to join you in that.

  • I will get people to buy my book. And I will finish my book.

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      Probably better to do this in reverse order.

      • Dramphooey

        Not if you’re Sarah Palin.

  • Brad Lathem

    Now that we’re settled into our new home, my girlfriend and I have pledged to alphabetize our record collection on New Year’s day, which became chaotic and all out-of-order during the move.

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      By title or group?

      • Brad Lathem

        Album title

        • Johnny Wyeknot

          With a cross reference by group. 🙂

          • Brad Lathem

            I’ve just been informed by the boss (girlfriend) that it’s gonna be by artist after all. :p

          • TuuxKabin

            That’s how I always sorted mine. Keep ’em together easier. Enjoy the task, I found it fun and often spent a lot of time listening to a lot more music that way. Happy New Year.

          • Lumpy Gaga

            Uh-Huh. And the compilations and various-artist soundtracks??

          • zhera

            Its own category at the end of the alphabet.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        My vinyl albums and 45’s by title; but CDs by group

  • Alan43

    At age 44 start dating men for the first time in my life

    Haven’t dated in 15 years, and back then I was still trying to date women

    • pickypecker

      Good on you! Always be yourself and you’ll do just fine out there!

      • Alan43

        Thanks!

  • Dramphooey

    I resolve to make some realistic resolutions this year. My list of resolutions is always a list of people I want to see naked.

  • David in Tucson

    My annual New Year’s resolution is to not make any New Year’s resolutions.

  • MrVinegar

    Resume painting (canvases, not walls).

    • William

      That reminds me, I promised to repaint the bathroom about four years ago.

      • Ragnar Lothbrok

        You don’t necessarily have to do it. So long as it gets done.
        Hint : Houseboy

        • William

          Shopping for a houseboy is so difficult. Do I want an Armenian, Slovenian, Ukrainian or perhaps a Cuban? Decisions decisions.

          • They all sound tasty! Now get out there and start shopping! Oh, and we all need pictures of your final purchase.

          • Ragnar Lothbrok

            You should be able to choose from a large and varied selection. Above all – take your time.

          • Phillip in L.A.

            Go for the Slovenian, William. It’s a delicious language and during the Middle Ages, the country was part of Carantania:

            “Geographically closest to the centers of Western civilization, Carantania earlier than other Slavic regions became accessible to its penetration.”

            Alexander M. Schenker, The Dawn of Slavic (New Haven & London: Yale University Press, 1995), at 72.

            You just can’t make this stuff up!

          • William

            I met a Slovenian guy about ten years ago. At one point he took his shirt off. He could have been a Greek marble statue.

      • That_Looks_Delicious

        I’m tiling everything from now on.

        • Phillip in L.A.

          Fabulous idea Delicious! Granite ‘n’ concrete (et cetera) are so 2004

          • TuuxKabin

            Agreed, as long as the cement is not polished, it’s dangerously slippery.

    • clay

      Don’t most people still type their resumes?

  • SoCalVet

    I’m determined to work out more and get in better shape. I have one year left until I’m a senior citizen. 🙂

    • Alex in Idaho

      Why are you letting someone else define what a “senior citizen” is? Do work out and get in shape because it’ll make YOU feel better, but eff ’em ALL for that “senior citizen” crap.

      • SoCalVet

        I agree. 🙂

      • Phillip in L.A.

        Wait ’til AARP starts sending you stuff ;}

        • Alex in Idaho

          They have been for years 🙁

  • Brian in Valdosta

    I have but one resolution that has implications for many things in my life: I resolve to shit or get off the pot.

  • I was very unhappy to be told it’s likely the website and magazine where I’ve been an editor and writer for the last six years may be shutting down in February, so my priority is finding a new job, so if anyone has any suggestions, I
    d be very happy to hear them.

    • I hope you have good luck finding a new position. Maybe something in the PR line of work would be in your scope of knowledge?

    • sherman

      Ben Carson’s campaign just had a couple of positions open up! Could be fate.

      Or are you going to be picky and insist on a job that you like, or at least don’t find revulsive?

    • William

      Good luck, I have a friend who is a former editor of a major US newspaper. He has been out for work for about six years. Anyplace he applies sees the name of his former employer and figures he will be out the door at the first better offer.

  • Hubby retires tomorrow, this will be his second go at retiring. This time he will stay off the sofa and find out there IS more to life than work, work, work…. So, my resolution is to expand his vision of what his life could be.

    • Todd Allis

      I hope it goes well!

    • Silver Badger

      Get him interested in a hobby. Workaholics often die shortly after retiring as they no longer feel useful.

      • Holy Pants! I didn’t know that!
        [running in frightened circles]
        He wants to start hiking, so I’ll be sure to make that happen!

        • Silver Badger

          Just make sure he feels loved and wanted.

          • Oh, he knows how loved he is. Of that he never has any doubt. And he loves me just that much back.

          • TuuxKabin

            That’s what I like to hear!

        • Oh’behr

          Biki, you are a great man.

          • Why so?

          • clay

            (not “why”, but “how”)

          • Yeah, I knew that, sigh. Old habits die hard. I was raised in Indiana and it was “why so” not “how so”. Or at least back in the dark ages when I grew up there.

          • clay

            I wasn’t going after your grammar, so much as your self-doubt. I don’t know that you need to question your motives, so much as appreciate your actions.

          • thank ye kindly

        • Grumpy old Man

          I bought a kiln that converts my microwave to a glass kiln so I am happily making glass puddles. I can turn the oddest things into a mold – but it has to fit into a 4 inch diameter 3 inch tall space. I sometimes have to carve the molds down to fit – sometimes, I forget and I get glass stuck to the kiln cover; a couple times, I gave it too much time (I kept setting it to 3:33 and it wouldn’t melt so I set it to 9:99 and it flowed out and stuck to the walls and I had to cut it off with some tin snips – good times).

          • Sounds interesting, and the learning curve would sure keep one fascinated.

          • Grumpy old Man

            I was wandering down the street and found some broken glass so I grabbed it, took it home, and used it to cast some skulls.

            Yes, learning curve is interesting but it happens in 6 minute units.

            Earlier, I was making glass beads but my knees forced me to stop for a while – now that both knees have been replaced, I can make beads and keep an eye on the puddles in the oven. If the glass was the only learning curve, it would be simpler but you have to work with casting material – and so on.

          • This hobby of yours sounds fascinating. I’m not sure if hubby would be interested, but I sure am!! How long have you been melting boring glass into something interesting?

            New knees? I bet life is so much better now that you can walk and bend without pain.

          • About the time my knees began to bother me, I discovered the kilns that convert microwave energy to heat/infrared. I ordered the kiln from alibaba.com sometime in early august because I could only stand on at the minor torch for short periods – I could get about 10 beads done and have to sit down for a while. so the kiln seemed a good alternative.

          • ooooh! Thanks for the linky, a whole new area of craft world for me [and hopefully hubby] to investigate.

            I’m glad your knees are better now that they are repaired.

      • Alex in Idaho

        And even worse, if they don’t die, they sit around and get hideously bored, leading to a life of eating, TV and sleeping 18 hours a day until they become frail, fall and break something, and finally die. This is the voice of sad experience.

        • Phillip in L.A.

          I’m so sorry to hear that, Alex in Idaho. Some cousins live in Idaho and I know it can get lonely there, especially in the dead of winter. Please take care!

          • Alex in Idaho

            No worries, thanks. These were parents, and they lived in Florida. I resolved (strongly) to NOT be like that, and have more things that interest me and that I want to accomplish than I’ll ever have time to do in 5 lifetimes. Having insatiable curiosity is a wonderful thing!

          • Phillip in L.A.

            Agree. Curiosity is a wonderful thing.

    • billbear1961

      Happy New Year, dear Biki!

      • Happy New Years to you Mr. Bear and to your lovely hubby!

  • Todd Allis

    Pay off the car this year (has about 4 years left if I make the regular payments only). Get more into savings. Make plans for the future.

  • Sporkfighter

    Cowle’s Mountain twice a week.

    • William

      Do you mean what used to be called S Mountain?

      • Sporkfighter

        S Mountain? I’ve never heard it called that, though there once was an “S” on it, being the closest high point to San Diego State University. Perhaps others called it that.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    I hope that in 2016 I can push myself away from political issues because it is driving me insane the level of hate that is being spewed.

    My other hope for 2016 is my attorney gets me a nice settlement for being T-Boned by a red light running BMW driver.

    For the world, I want peace. I don’t understand what the fighting is all about.

    • JaniceInToronto

      Money dear. Always follow the money.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        Very wise advice, JaniceInToronto

  • JT
    • That_Looks_Delicious

      I really do hope that whole ‘manscaping’ fad goes away this year.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        Especially those ridiculous eyebrows–they make most gay men look exactly alike, regardless of race, creed, sex, sexual orientation, gender affiliation, or national origin!

  • hiker_sf

    I retired in 2013 and had great plans but I got sidetracked by a remodel project that still lingers, 16 months after it was supposed to be finished. But most of the big work is done, so I want to get back on track to: Study the Hawaiian language, work on my Spanish and Catalan, write a libretto, write more stories, create a video story, begin painting, go camping and hiking and travel a bit more. As I am now going back to work for about 30 hours a week 3-4 months each year for the next few years, it is going to be a bit more difficult but doable. This work will allow me to pay off my mortgage and allow me to wait to start Social Security until I am at least 64 or later.

    Of course I need to lose weight and get more exercise, and I hope to be a better person.

    Happy New Year, all!

    • Phillip in L.A.

      I recommend watercolor for learning about color and painting, etc.

      Best of luck, and happy & healthy 2016!

  • William

    I never make resolutions.
    OT- My oldest friend and her girlfriend got hitched a few hours ago. They live in England and opted for the civil partnership rather than marriage. I’ll be drinking a toast to them later.

    • TuuxKabin

      “I never make resolutions.”
      That sounds like a resolution.

  • Tor

    !!

    • Aman InAmsterdam

      Mine is to use more apostrophes, as in New Year’s Resolution….

      • Phillip in L.A.

        waah waah

        • Phillip in L.A.

          said the schnauzer, correcting other peoples’ Spanish

          • TuuxKabin

            It’s difficult when the keyboard does not have a key for accents. Happy New Year Phillip in L.A.

          • Phillip in L.A.

            google ASCII keyboard codes for accents and all kinds of fun

          • TuuxKabin

            Gotcha. Thanks.

      • Tor

        You are absolutely right. In my defense, I did not create the image. I ripped it out of FaceBook. Because I liked the sentiment. I usually also speak and write in whole sentences, except for when I dont.

  • Javier Smith

    I’m going to eat as much ice cream as I can, exercise as least as possible, and watch TV every waking second. I will either feel good about meeting my goals or fail fantastically. Win Win.

    • Phillip in L.A.

      Keep up that positive spirit, Javier! Happy 2016!

  • That_Looks_Delicious

    Uhhhhhh…. get out of the house more often?

  • Steven B

    I want to move from Chicago to Palm Springs, CA by this time next year.

    • That_Looks_Delicious

      I just did that! Been here a month now house-shopping. The escrow company told me that we may close on my new house Monday.

      • Steven B

        Color me jealous. Hopefully we can share a coffee one day.

    • Alex in Idaho

      I’ve only visited, but it was love at first sight (I’m already a desert rat). GO for it!

      • Steven B

        We have decided to move our lives there without the benefit of ever having set foot in the place. It’ll be sight unseen. A real leap of faith but one we feel confident is right for us.

        • Phillip in L.A.

          whew! Palm Springs is VERY different from Chicago–hope you love it

  • sherman
    • Phillip in L.A.

      So now we know how ol’ Benedict XVI gets his Prada slippers

  • Jamie Brewer

    My last blood work showed my “bad cholesterol” was up a bit. My Dr. wanted me to take statens which I refused. He told me to “watch your butter”. So I resolved to pay particular attention to the butter so it does not burn as I mix in the cheese, heavy cream, and garlic when I make my fettuccine Alfredo ….

    • William

      My butter doesn’t get up to much. It stays in the fridge until I take it out and put it on or in something.

    • That_Looks_Delicious

      Read “Grain Brain” by Dr. David Perlmutter!! And “Wheat Belly” by Dr. William Davis!! Even if you have no gluten sensitivity or no intention of giving up gluten, these books are fascinating reads just because of their collection and summarizing in one place of much of the latest research results. Spoiler alert: Cholesterol it turns out is not the big baddy we’ve been told it was for the last 40 years or so. In fact, if you take statins, you may be placing yourself at a much higher risk of developing Alzheimers or Parksinsons with no significant benefit to your heart.

      • Jamie Brewer

        Thanks for the read recommendations, will check them out. I figured my DR was going to work on me to get on statins as I had slacked off a bit on my working out and a few pounds had creeped on. I could tell he was annoyed because I gave him the same facts you gave me. He was almost laughing when I asked what kind of patient was more a pain in the ass… a hypochondriac, or someone like me who does research to more understand what is going on with their body. That was when he told me to “watch the butter”!

  • bambinoitaliano

    O/T If you gonna see a movie over the weekend pick Spotlight. There’s several Oscar worthy acting in that film alone. And I want to marry Mark Ruffalo now!!!!! You think that guy could not be more sexy. Just watching him alone in this movie is well worth the ticket price. Someone give him an Oscar already!

  • Oh’behr

    In a year, I’m hoping the USA doesn’t have a GOP/tea POTUS or a coup d’état.

    • Oh’behr

      Moi.

      • billbear1961

        Beautiful northern lights!

  • Balderdashing

    I resolve not to dismember the neighbors’ cats.

  • canoebum

    Get married. My beloved and I have too long been separated by US law and ICE.

    • Phillip in L.A.

      Where is your beloved, canoebum?

      • canoebum

        Venezuela.

  • Six Pins Delores

    Resolution: Lighten up and laugh more. Happy New Year JMG’rs and Joe and best of luck to all in achieving any resolution you may have

  • Joseph Miceli

    O.k., David Walker inspired me. I will try NOT to treat theists with contempt. Contempt and hostility change no minds and simply tarnishes a person’s day. I will try to be more understanding of the need for people to worship a deity without being as harsh in my language.
    Otherwise, I’m resolve not to make any resolutions.

    • vorpal

      I’d like to join you on this, but I’m convinced that I would probably fail miserably.

      • Joseph Miceli

        Rules are different for cats. You can not help your nature. You can’t help torturing your prey before you eat it, the difference between you and me being that you are cute when YOU do it!

        • Phillip in L.A.

          Sometimes I get so mad at my “owner” because of the crazy stuff he does. When I ask him why he does it, he says, “because it’s my nature.”

          So hard to think up a good comeback with a brain the size of a tangelo.

          • Joseph Miceli

            Ha! But with a smaller brain, that just means you are more focused. Come here…(scratches behind the ears.)

          • Phillip in L.A.

            wooof!

    • Alex in Idaho

      No language required. Smile. Sigh. Subtle eyeroll. Walk away. If they anger you, they’ve won.

  • DoctorDJ

    I plan on being more spontaneous.

    • agcons

      How interesting. I just decided that if I wish to be less spontaneous I’ll just let it happen.

  • billbear1961

    Try to remain SANE!

    Try to be less FEARFUL!

    Help save the republic from FASCISM!

    Use fewer ALL-CAPS on JMG!

    (The first three get TOP priority!)

    • zhera

      There should be a key on the keyboard for italics just like the all-caps. 😉

      Best wishes for you and hubby in the new year, Boo Bear. Keep your passionate personality but also keep clear of heart attacks. :O

      ♥♥♥♥

      • billbear1961

        Happy New Year, my lady Zhera!

        I hope you’re feeling much better!

    • pickypecker
      • billbear1961

        Happy New Year, sweet friend!

        🙂

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      HAPPY NEW YEAR TO BOTH OF YOU !!!

      I don’t want you to change AT ALL !!!

      • billbear1961

        Thank you, sweetheart!

        You’ve always been so kind!

        Happy New Year!!

    • JCF

      Dearest Bear,

      PLEASE IGNORE all F#CKHOLES who get on your case for CAPITALIZING!!!! MWAH!

      • billbear1961

        🙂

        Happy New Year, JCF!

        XO

  • charemor

    To all of you wonderful guys and gals who comment here and share great photos, cartoons and such, have a safe and wonderful New Year!

    • billbear1961

      Happy New Year, charemor!

      • charemor

        Thank you!

  • NeverEclipsed

    There’s a million things I should fix in my life, but I always aim too high. I think I’ll try to lose 15 lbs this year. That’s do-able.

  • Mow

    Be debt free. Love life deeper. Dance with more joy. Thank each day.

    • JCF

      What is this “debt free” you speak of? Does it exist our Time-Space Continuum?

      JCF, Ed.D ’04

  • zhera

    My resolutions are: Be brave. Be good. Be fabulous. But most of all, be ME!

    Happy New Year to you all, good people of JMG! You’ve made me laugh, cry, horny, angry, sad, happy, excited. 2015 was the year of Obergefell, and we shared that time right here.

    2016 will be a very interesting year and I’m looking forward to experience parts of through the lens of JMG and the comments section here.

    MAY YOU ALL GET ONLY THE BEST OF THE BEST THAT LIFE AND UNIVERSE HAVE TO OFFER. PEACE AND LOVE, Zhera. ♥

  • shellback

    When confronted by bible-thumpers and the like, I will no longer be polite, but let them know they’re mentally disturbed. I might even provide information where to get help… or just kick ’em in the groin. It depends on how much they’re irritating me.

    • Six Pins Delores

      Prepare copies of map for those bothering you at your door directing them to the nearest mental hospital and watch their expression.
      Happy New Year shellback

    • billbear1961

      The best response: “I do not believe in the supernatural.”

      Repeat until they leave you alone.

      • Alex in Idaho

        That’s exactly what I say, citing examples ranging from Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and moving up to Zeus, Thor, Osiris et al., ending up with a divine Jesus. I also inform them that at one time, the whole civilized world worshipped the gods of the Greco-Roman pantheon and ask them what happened to THEM? Did your god arm-wrestle with Zeus for world rulership, or did he win it in a poker game? THEY generally walk away from ME at that point.

        • billbear1961

          Well, the civilized western world, yes. 😉

          Sounds like you know exactly what to do, Alex!

          • Alex in Idaho

            It feels better than the “Fuck off!” and door slam I used to do.

  • Gerry Fisher

    I resolve not to make New Year’s resolutions. Seriously, I have goals that are carrying over from what I’ve been doing these past few months.

  • JCF

    Have found Ms Right w/ which to share NEXT New Year’s Eve. Please, God, PLEASE!

    [Le Sigh. For this year, it’s just the burned-to-memory-vaults images of Carol&Therese celebrating NYE: Therese: “Take me to bed”. Gah, I can’t…]

  • TuuxKabin

    El husbian suggested I be more patient, I told him I don’t have the time.

    • billbear1961

      🙂

    • Phillip in L.A.

      Did you suggest one for him?

      • TuuxKabin

        Nah, he’s just fine the way he is. Lucky me.

        • Phillip in L.A.

          Indeed.

  • Ninja0980

    The hubby and I plan to road travel and see all 50 states next year, something we can now do with marriage equality in all 50 states.
    I hope everyone is safe tonight and has a happy New Year.

    • Steve Teeter

      How are you going to drive to Hawaii? Alaska is bad enough.

  • Mark_in_MN

    I want to get back to making platinum prints and work on refining my techniques.

  • WorknOut303

    I resolve to drink more and have more sex.

  • fiizok

    Just one goal: find me a husband.

  • McShane
    • Alex in Idaho

      Moonlight bowling…couple of pitchers of beer…this guy…I’m in!

  • neverevernosanity

    my one and only new years resolution for 2016: survive until the next new years resolution.

    things that are goals for 2016 that I will very likely accomplish and don’t need to be resolutions as such: learn to skateboard again, re-learn piano, learn violin, continue healing from abuse/trauma of the past.

    all in all, could be a good 2016. I like new starts.

  • GanymedeRenard

    1. Find Mr. Right – a bit tired of Mr. Right Now. A husband would be ideal, but a good ole BF would do, too.
    2. Be less pessimistic about life in general and my life in particular.
    3. Finish and defend my Ph.D. dissertation.
    4. Socialize more.
    5. Try to control my addiction to JMG – you guys are not making it any easier for me!

    And, dear Joe and JMGers, thanks a million for a wonderful, snarky, thought-provoking year you have given me! I wish you all the very best for this Gregorian new year!! With much love,

    -G

    • ColdCountry

      A wonderful woman who eventually married a friend of mine once said, “I’m not looking for Mr. Right, I’m looking for Mr. We-can-work-this-out.” I thought that was excellent advice.

      • GanymedeRenard

        Wise words, my friend. Thank you!

    • vorpal

      3. What field does your PhD fall under? I finally – after taking ages – finished mine in computer science / math (combinatorics) in Jan 2013.
      4. Haha I could stand to join you on that front :D.
      5. This site and GayAtheists on facebook are part of the reason why my productivity many days ranks a big fat zero :D.

      Happy New Year and much love to you, GR!
      =squeezes the stuffings out of you=
      Ummm… you can have those back.
      Sorry :(. =embarrassed=

      • GanymedeRenard

        3. Renaissance/Early Modern Iberian theatre. And I’ve always found mathematicians disproportionately sexy. Just saying’, doctor Vorpal. 😉
        4. Any time!
        5. OMG – so to speak -, I hear you! My productivity reduces itself to a negative amount on a reprehensible number of days, partly because of you, Dr. :-p

        Much, much love to you, too, dear Vorpal!

        (I’m kinda liking the squeezing part *grins mischievously*).

        • vorpal

          Haha I’ll happily whisper the structure theorem of finitely generated modules over principal ideal domains in your ear ;-).

          As for point 4, if you feel like socializing more, you should drop me an email :D. [email protected]

          Once you’re done your PhD, we can wallow in doctordom together. (Warning: it might get messy!)

          (Yeah, I’m in Chile now, but it should only be temporary, I hope! My goal is to end up back living on the Big Island of Hawaii before the end of the year!)

          Hope you had a great New Year’s Eve!
          =tail wiggles=
          =pounce-hugs=

          • GanymedeRenard

            My ear is salivating already… 😉 How’s your Spanish, BTW?

            Chile, Hawaii… Any place is good for wallowing in doctordom together and get messy, wink wink.

            I hope you, too, had a wondrous New Year’s Eve as well! Meow!

          • vorpal

            Mi español esta tan terrible, pero porque todas mis compañeros de trabajo hablan inglés, no tengo muchas oportunidades de practicar.

            I do speak, read, and write passable Mandarin and French, though, if that nets me any bonus points :D.

            中文,我學了四年,可是真的應該練習更多。

            I can even English good from time-to-time.

            How about you? Any other languages? Based on your PhD topic, would it be a safe guess to assume Spanish?

            My New Year’s Eve was way too quiet. I could have used something or someone to spice it up ;-).

          • GanymedeRenard

            Your last sentence, hard to believe! Who wouldn’t want to spend NYE with such an awesome human being? In any event, trust me, I would have loved to be that person to spice things up for you!

            Tu español no es tan terrible como piensas. Yo estaría encantado de compartir todos mis conocimientos contigo (he sido profesor de español en lugares como NYU y París).

            Je parle français, bien sûr. Évidemment, j’ai vécu à Paris comme je viens de te raconter ( cela fait quelques années ).

            Parlo anche italiano. E falo português também. Mein Deutsch ist nicht sehr gut ! But I can read Latin. My wish in the future is to learn Arabic, Hebrew, Russian, and – gasp – Mandarin. So MORE bonus points to you, naturally!

            I’ll drop you some lines on your email. Stay tuned! 😉

          • vorpal

            I am tuned with much excitement, and will further reply over email!

    • Phillip in L.A.

      And a very happy and healthy 2016 to you, GanymedeRenard!

      • GanymedeRenard

        Likewise, Phillip! Much bliss to you and yours! 🙂

  • GanymedeRenard
  • ColdCountry

    Be kinder.

  • ColdCountry

    Oh, yeah, and this:

  • Toasterlad

    I want to have banged Chris Hemsworth, Chris Pratt, Chris Pine, Chris Evans, and Christopher Meloni at least twice each by Dec 31st, 2016. Also, I want to read more.

    • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

      You want to be Chris’d. How messianic of you.

  • TomF.

    I’m going to record the complete sonatas of Domenico Scarlatti using MIDI files and my Mixcraft Pro Studio 6 program. As there are 555 of these sonatas I have my work cut out for me.

    • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

      MIDI files? I didn’t think they were still a thing. That sounds like a mammoth project… don’t forget to breathe. 👍🏽

  • Ginger Snap

    I resolve myself in 2016 to live my life for me and to continue to help anyone in need if I can do so. Peace, love and prosperity to all at JMG.

  • Michael Abbett

    This is the year that I go to real estate school and become real estate broker. No more letting others decide my own financial destiny based on flat pay scales and arbitrary merit increases. No more working my ass off while the slacker in the next cubicle is barely awake yet receives the same raise, if we even get raises, while I am rewarded with an increasing workload because “we know you can handle it.” My work will pay off depending on how much I am willing to make myself available to my clients and the effort I’m willing to put into each transaction. No more sitting in cold, soul-crushing grey cubicles with the walls turning in on me like the switchboard did on Ernestine the operator. No more getting orders barked down at me from people at the top who have no idea what I did in the first place and don’t care enough to take the time to find out. No more interviews with snotty, entrenched people half my age and experience forcing me to explain to them why I’m good enough to be accepted into their odious corporate machine. No more sitting indoors all day with the same people when it’s gorgeous outside, with a big beautiful world to explore and new faces to see, and a stick shift and my favorite music to get me there. The ability to talk to clients over business lunches in different restaurants and pick up the tab when I want to and write it and my other expenses off on my taxes.

    Most importantly, I resolve to be good to myself this year by taking advantage of the opportunity to make such a big mid-life change because I have the good fortune of having a wonderful, caring husband who makes enough for both of us to live comfortably already and who just wants to see me happy doing what I really want to do in life. I had to kiss a lot of frogs, believe me. Not very many people start the year with so much promise, and I resolve to be grateful for that.

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      I went to RE school, but ended up taking a different path. However, the course has benefited me many many times.
      Good luck

  • prjoe

    Visit New Zealand

  • NMNative

    I resolve to not keep thinking my future daughter in law is the child of Phyllis Schlafly and Pat Robertson.

  • goofy_joe

    My resolution is to become a student again, and pass the class I just signed up for. It’s been 15 years since I sat in a classroom, and I’m a little nervous about going back. This year will be a year about focus, studying, and self-motivation.

    • Tempus Fuggit

      I might get there myself someyear. Not soon. Good on ya!

  • EqualityForAll

    I resolve to be more bitter, jaded, and snarkier than ever before – if that’s even possible.

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