Headline: Margaret Thatcher Feared Anal Sex

According to just declassified British documents, Margaret Thatcher opposed an early HIV awareness campaign because people would learn that anal sex is a thing. Via the Independent:

Documents released by the National Archives show that the then health secretary Norman Fowler proposed in February 1986 to publish full-page adverts in national newspapers explaining that unprotected anal intercourse carried one of the highest risks of transmission.

The Prime Minister expressed concern that it risked corrupting public morals. Annotating a memo describing the campaign, Mrs Thatcher wrote: “Do we have to have the section on risky sex? I should have thought it could do immense harm if young teenagers were to read it?”

Mrs Thatcher asked for an investigation into whether the adverts might breach the advertising code as well as the Obscenity Act. When the answer came back that the campaign was legal, she said: “I remain against certain parts of this advertisement. Adverts where every young person will read and learn of practices they never knew about will do harm.”

Sir Norman wrote back: “Unless there is a reference to anal intercourse, which has been linked with 85 per cent of Aids cases so far, the advertisement would lose all its medical authority and credibility.”

(Tipped by JMG reader Homer)

  • ElenorRigby

    exactly what part of that old hag’s body WASN’T an asshole?

    • Todd20036

      Well duh, her asshole. SHe used that as her mouth

  • Steven Leahy

    Well if we just pretend something doesn’t exist, voila, I guess it won’t!!

    • KCMC

      Fears so big. My biggest fear in the early 80’s of anal sex was that I wouldn’t learn 1st hand until I escaped from a Baptist college in SD at age 20. Don’t ask the strapping Hastings NE straight football player farm boy who was down the dorm hall. He has no memory of it.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        the ones down the hall from me have memories a-plenty ;}

    • B Snow

      It worked for Reagan. More or less.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        pretending ≠ senility

        although sometimes, I’m not so sure

    • Chris Baker

      That, of course, is the whole idea behind abstinence education. If we don’t tell students that sex exists, they will never know about it.

    • SilasMarner

      That’s what ol Ronnie Reagan did, just pretended it didn’t exist. If we don’t talk about it it’ll go away. What an asshole too.

  • Octavio

    I’ve had nightmares of fucking that old bitch in the ass, too. Coincidence?

    • Gustav2

      Those were mental transfers of Andrew Sullivan’s fantasies.

      • Octavio

        EeeeeeeK! Kill me now!!!!!!

        • Gustav2

          Actually, it probably was a fantasy of Maggie wearing a strap-on.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        you know all those people who write lol lol lol lol everywhere?

        well, i’m actually doing it now (laughing out loud!)–thank you so much, Gustav2

  • barrixines

    Surely Hilda was only ever a top.

  • WNY

    What?!! Anal sex is a thing??!! Why didn’t anyone tell me?!

    • LonelyLiberal

      Shh! We don’t talk about that in public.

      But I can refer you to several incredibly well-produced movies on Web sites that show the act very, very intimately.

    • Michael Rush

      Spongebobworthy ?

  • Desmond Rutherford

    In my experience…anal sex occurred to me when I was 13 without any help from the lady with the pubic hairstyle.

    • Todd20036

      Go on….

  • Gustav2

    Because the kids didn’t know what “buggery” was in the 1980’s?

    LOL

    • Rocco Gibraltar

      Google “Prick up your Ears.”

      • KCMC

        Great film!

      • LonelyLiberal

        A prick up your ears would be aural sex.

        • Phillip in L.A.

          damn, there are some smart, funny people here!

          • LonelyLiberal

            Could you tell that to my husband? He finds my sense of humor kind of impenetrable sometimes.

          • Phillip in L.A.

            his loss ;}

          • J Ascher

            Maybe extra lube would help?

          • Janejoseph

            Self important whiner here from a precious enclave- can’t dislike you. You’re pretty smart and you make me laugh. Though you ARE wrong about Über.

          • fuow

            I understand alcohol can be an excellent lubrication for that.

  • LonelyLiberal

    It sounds like Thatcher and Reagan were a perfect match. Neither were particularly concerned with saving lives, but rather with some obscure and inaccurate notion of public “propriety.”

    Ding dong the witch is dead. Indeed.

    • ChrisMorley

      However Maggie didn’t get her way.

      We had full page national newspaper adverts, masssive public billboards, a leaflet went to every home, and TV adverts. Everyone was warned about risky sex and ‘Don’t die of Ignorance’. Norman Fowler, her Secretary of State for Health, stood firm.
      He’s been a consistent champion of HIV prevention and care since the 1980s.

      Ronnie Reagan said not a word for years.

    • Wynter Marie Starr

      I just read of list of the 25 most banned songs and that song was on the list.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        omg–i was so surprised to find out what was on the vatican’s list of banned books:

        did you know those loons in capes banned Balzac’s omnia opera?

        i mean, gide, i can understand, but balzac?!

        • Phillip in L.A.

          the jokes just write themselves!

        • Wynter Marie Starr

          Honestly, I’m always surprised at the stuff that gets banned. ANd the reasons.

        • motordog

          Chaucer! Rabelais! Balzac!!

          • Robincho

            And the way bitch spat it out — “BAWLZ-eck!”

    • Phillip in L.A.

      believe that’s spelled “p-r-o-p-e-r-t-y”

    • JCF
    • BobSF_94117

      I suspect Maggie thought of Ronnie as a tool.

  • rusty57

    Bitch didn’t seem to mind fucking the rest of us in the ass.

    May she rot in hell.

    • Colonel Panic.

      I was going to say that but you beat me to it. A vile, evil thing and I am glad she is dead.

      • Oscarlating Wildely

        Her legacy of closing the pits was enough to seal her fate in the annals of Assholes R Us, but Section 28: that just set it in stone.

        Say only good about the dead. “Good, she’s dead.”

    • TuuxKabin

      Can’t up vote you enough.

    • hdtex

      She’s spit-roasting in hell with Zombie Reagan

    • Phillip in L.A.

      for the win!

    • Oscarlating Wildely

      Hear, hear!

      If there’s a god, the ol’ Thatch is burning away in Hell, she’s thirsty but can’t afford the milk, all while shoveling the coal that she so effectively destroyed, and the devil has a Scouse accent.

    • Todd20036

      Too be fair, show me one person, gay or straight, who WASN’T afraid to have anal sex with Thatcher.

  • Didn’t she also ban erections in gay magazines too?

    • barrixines

      There never were any erections. Any pictoral display of penises had to defer to the “Mull of Kintyre” rule. The angle of the dangle was allowed to be no more than thus:

      • So, that’s what Paul was singing about?

        • barrixines

          And that’s why Linda always looked so bloody miserable.

      • KCMC

        penis-ula?

        • TuuxKabin

          Thanks. That was the first laugh I got out of this post.

      • Oh I remember now. Thanks for that!

      • Phillip in L.A.

        i heard that the angle of the dangle was inversely proportional to the heat of the meat

      • BobSF_94117

        Anyone else see a profile of Dr. Seuss?

  • Pollos Hermanos

    The first thing I think of when I think of Margaret Thatcher is nailing her in the fart tank.

  • hiker_sf

    Just another reason to hate this bitch.

    • TuuxKabin

      Couldn’t hate anything more . . .

      • Silver Badger

        Don’t give her that much power. Pity the poor woman and offer your prayers. Nothing would offend her more. She expects you to hate her.

  • Baby Dave

    Well, her husband was the discoverer of asexual reproduction.

    • perversatile

      I’m massacring his original quote,sorry Gore Vidal
      “…a piece of the old family sterling was used to spoon the bugs in.”

      • Phillip in L.A.

        Mr. Vidal approves!

  • EdmondWherever

    Because… men haven’t been trying to stick their dicks into every hole they see for thousands of years?

  • KCMC

    must see Britt film of that era

    • S B

      YES. Good film. Ending bowled me over.

    • Hue-Man

      ABOUT that era. Pride(2014) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3169706/

      • KCMC

        thnx. fixed. (I shouldn’t try to make a sentence after work day
        full of stoned teens.)

        • Hue-Man

          Is your day any better if it’s full of teens who aren’t stoned? Grin.

          • KCMC

            Work, grim. Yes, if they could stay clean and not wind up in court.

  • Jeez, what was Denis up to?

  • teeveedub

    She and Ronnie had lots in common. This includes a reckless disregard for human life when it came to AIDS. I hope there is a hell, if only so that the two of them can be part of the same human centipede while their saggy asses are burning for eternity.

    • ChrisMorley

      Thatcher didn’t approve but a massive British HIV/AIDS awareness campaign nonetheless went ahead in 1987.
      Here’s the TV advert that scared many a gay boy. There was no treatment. http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/films/1979to2006/filmpage_aids.htm

      • teeveedub

        Wow. I wasn’t sure if that was about AIDS or the apocalypse.

        • ChrisMorley

          I later worked in the HIV community sector and ‘Don’t Die of Ignorance’ was both a blessing and a curse.
          It terrified a lot of gay lads at an early date in the UK epidemic which kept the British HIV rate down compared with the US but it had such a profound effect on the rest of the population that stigma about HIV became a significant problem.

        • Phillip in L.A.

          if you lived through those times, you know that it almost was

        • barrixines

          I second what ChrisMorley says – that advert put the fear of god into me. It kept a lot of us alive but there was a lot of work back from its (as you said) apocalyptic vision. Mind you British public information films often did that. I owe it to them that not only did I not “die of ignorance” I also didn’t die on an electricity pylon or from being trapped in a disused fridge.

      • stuckinthewoods

        is the announcer Hurt?

  • barrixines

    I can understand her confusion about anal sex. Denis could have been balls deep up her arse for hours and he would have still told his mates the next day he’d spent the night fucking a cnut.

  • TuuxKabin

    Of all the . . . somebody hold me back, somebody PLEASE hold me back. I hope Joe posts something of a positive note before the night is done.

    • grada3784

      She’s dead. That’s good.

      Is that positive enough?

      • TuuxKabin

        It helps, and a few other loose threads along the way here and I can smell the corn bread el husbian’s baking. Thanks.

  • LovesIrony

    Ding Dong the witch is dead!

  • Maggie, Maggie, Maggie.

    Dead! Dead! Dead!

  • Phil

    There are somethings to be thankful for:

    https://youtu.be/DQ6TgaPJcR0

  • Sam_Handwich

    well everyone knows that the anal sphincter is satan’s doorbell

    • Ding, dong, Avon calling,

      • Sam_Handwich

        i was hoping for a candygram

        • Santa’s always got some candy cane for you to suckle.

          • KCMC

            Santa get that lap over here, I still have a need to sit and tell you my wish.

        • William

          All I got was a Landshark.

        • Phillip in L.A.

          candygram . . . for Mongo?

          • Oscarlating Wildely

            You go Glen Coco!

          • Phillip in L.A.

            Sixteen is my limit with Schnitzengruben!

    • perversatile

      hence the best biblical quote eva,
      “get thee behind me Satan”

      *and could you at least spit on it first?

      • TuuxKabin

        If it ain’t spit it ain’t love.

        • johncAtl

          Or my favorite variation .. Spit and shove, or it ain’t love.

          • TuuxKabin

            Okay.

          • Phillip in L.A.

            i first saw “ouch” when i looked at your comment ;}

        • Steve Teeter

          If it don’t fit, don’t force it.

    • fuzzybits
    • Robincho

      Hello. My name is Elder Price…

  • anne marie in philly

    who would even want to fuck her vaginally? bitch!

  • barrixines

    I must say the comments here warm this old lefty Brit’s heart.

    • Gustav2

      And ‘they’ say we don’t know what is happening on the other side of the pond. Bullocks!

      • bambinoitaliano

        Sandra?

      • Todd20036

        Never mind the Bullocks, here come the Sex Pistols.

        • ILoveCum

          Mmmm. You said “cum”. Yes please!

      • Phillip in L.A.

        clever boy

        you’ve earned a tootsie

      • Blake Jordan

        That stereotype is probably true of most (straight) Americans, they probably could not even indicate the UK on a map…

        • motordog

          Well, to be fair, some US Americans don’t HAVE maps…

    • Gene

      even a lot of conservatives here loathed that woman because she never moderated on anything. among anyone with even a bit of leftist in them, social, economic, or political (we often separate the three, taking parts of each and not of one of two of the others) she was REVILED.
      Ding dong. she’s dead

      • Oscarlating Wildely

        Once she died and went to that great mining pit in the sky, the most requested song of the week was, indeed, Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.

        Couldn’t stop playing it enough.

  • William

    What. was Denis trying to slip it in the back door?

  • CPT_Doom

    Proving yet again that Meryl Streep deserved that Academy Award for “the Iron Lady,” because she got me to empathize with this hateful troll. Ding dong that witch is dead – good riddance to bad rubbish.

    • TuuxKabin

      It was all acting, and had to be good for anyone to empathize with such a dreadful person.

    • JVB

      Just like Suzanne Pleshette playing Leona Helmsley.

    • coram nobis

      Just like Madonna playing Eva Peron, or Helen Mirren playing Betty Windsor, or Angela Lansbury playing Mrs. Lovett.

    • Gene

      the vile old bitch had some points, economic and military mainly, and she was a human (if a lousy one in some ways) so, a good (great in this case) actress could may you empathize…but, it took MERYL STREEP to do it. Maggie was, by every account, an accountant; she saw the $ (well..pound sterling) reality of the nations situation and did what was necessary to change it. She just did not really give a shit for the millions of people who got stomped to get there. And at her core, she was an OLD SCHOOL METHODIST to her bones, and a prig because of it

  • bambinoitaliano

    To think that a dildo could have changed and even save the lives of many Brits under her reigned.

    • Six Pins Delores

      It was a mishap whilst riding her broom

    • coram nobis

      Orb and sceptre, orb and sceptre.

  • Bill

    How on earth was it possible for such a stone-cold bitch to be such a delicate little princess pretty flower?

    I hate her fucking guts.

    Was that too harsh?

    • TuuxKabin

      We should talk.

    • ChrisMorley

      She was a grocer’s daughter (lower middle class) who won a scholarship to a Grammar School and then went to university at Oxford. So she grew up being conditioned into being frantically upwardly mobile.
      It’s a British class thing.

    • Justin

      Too harsh? Not. At. All.

  • Fuck her.

    • johncAtl

      She and Ronie are doing it right now in Hell.

  • bkmn

    As I said before kids know more than we think they do. It was true in Thatcher’s time and is true today.

  • delk

    Maybe if she pulled her head out of her ass…

  • S B

    My hat eternally off to the wiseacre who said Britain missed a bet when they didn’t put her funeral out to the lowest bidder.

    • ChrisMorley

      Sadly she was cremated so I haven’t been able to fulfil my vow to piss on her grave.

      • TuuxKabin

        Damn. And here I was getting ready to organize a charter to Jolly Ol’ so we could visit her grave for a good pissing and jig.

  • Robert Conner

    Makes sense. Thatcher was England’s biggest arsehole after all.

  • James

    She wasn’t afraid of it, she was disgusted by it and by gay men, and was using “won’t somebody think of the children” as a pathetic excuse. The world became a tiny bit better when she died.

  • Mark

    Following the rule of ‘if you can’t say something nice’….

    She’s dead. And Ronnie is dead, too.

    There, my good deed for the day.

    • TuuxKabin

      Does that rule apply to those two?

      • Mark

        There’s more. And there is also a waiting list….

    • Gene

      we should speak good of the dead
      Reagan is dead
      Thatcher is dead
      .
      Good

      • coram nobis

        Don’t speak ill of the dead. The Democratic Party needs their votes, especially in Chicago.

        • Phillip in L.A.

          awww, and here I thought only the GOP went in for that kind of thing

        • fuow

          Vote early, vote often.

    • There are a few people whose graves I would gladly relieve myself upon.

      Some of them aren’t even dead yet.

  • Phillip in L.A.

    You couldn’t even make this stuff up; if you did, it’s so bizarre no one would believe it

  • Wynter Marie Starr

    LOL, it’s surprising that she didn’t understand that each new generation thinks they “invented” sex and that they have much better and more adventurous sex than their parents and grandparents. Anal sex has been around since we’ve been around and kids don’t need to read about it to do it.

  • Gerry Fisher

    “If they hear about it, they’ll all run out an immediately do it. Or they’ll go insane and need to be committed upon hearing of such practices.” [insert confused Scooby Doo noise]

  • It’s easy to see why she and Reagan were such good friends.

    • Phillip in L.A.

      they both used the same brand of catheter (*)

      (*) no offense to catheters

  • JVB

    She was afraid of it because her hubby Dennis was always blotto and wouldn’t give it a go with her. LOL!

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    At my age I have come to realize that most high-ranking officials are basically very stupid.

    • Dreaming Vertebrate

      Even today’s toddlers and kids have that pretty much figured out.
      “The Stupid” is now a prerequisite any high office.

    • ChrisMorley

      Look elsewhere in this thread.
      Her Secretary of State for Health, Norman Fowler got his way. The campaign went ahead despite Thatcher’s qualms.
      He has consistently championed HIV prevention and care ever since.

      It helped steel his nerve against Thatcher’s objections that a gay man in his wider family had HIV.

  • coram nobis

    Wow, and we thought Ronald Reagan was clueless on this stuff. What did Maggie think King James and Buckingham did together, play quoits?

    I suppose this shows her less-than-nobility origins. Even Downtown Abbey has Lord Grantham exclaiming, “I wish I had a shilling for every time someone tried to kiss me at Eton!”

    • Phillip in L.A.

      i heard the unexpurgated script reads: “I wish I had a shilling for every time someone tried to bugger kiss me at Eton!”

  • Dreaming Vertebrate

    Maggie Thatcher was a witch of some stature,
    When it came to sex she was always the catcher,
    Her pussy was quite the flycatcher,
    But her dog would snatch her and scratch her,
    With its teeth it yearned to dispatch her.

    • coram nobis

      Nice try, but that’s not the pentameter (or perambulator, whatever) of a limerick. How about —

      There once was a woman named Thatcher
      That few men would want to catch her
      There were a few stories
      Among the high Tories
      Who sent John Major to dispatch her.

      • Dreaming Vertebrate

        Lol!
        I was just working on the rhyme for now.
        Rhythm will have to wait for the fine polishing.

        • coram nobis

          Poetry of the Nantucket School. Minitru says doubleplusungood.

      • Phillip in L.A.

        There was a PM named Mags Thatcher
        A middle-class witch of no stature
        When she stood for election
        Ron showed an erection
        And Nancy, forthwith, had to scratch ‘er

        • coram nobis

          The Chair recognises the Honourable Member for Nantucket.

          • Phillip in L.A.

            Thanks.

  • mr wonderful

    i fear anal sex too. that’s why we do it every night (and most mornings.) You know… conquer the fear

  • Too bad these guys weren’t around then 😉

    http://youtu.be/fbGkxcY7YFU

    • KCMC

      all the same guy. Yes, I ate dinner watching,

      “Behind the Scenes of “What What In the Butt”

  • coram nobis

    “Mrs Thatcher asked for an investigation into whether the adverts might breach the advertising code as well as the Obscenity Act.”

    Hm, sounds like she thought it would be advertising it. Well, as Captain Peacock said in Are You Being Served, “We’re here to sell merchandise, not contravene the Trades Descriptions Act.”

    • Phillip in L.A.

      +1 for Captain Peacock
      +1 for not contravening the Trades Description Act

  • AisForAnalBisForBare

    Well, if truth be told, I was a bit scared of anal sex from 1980 (when I was 10) until about 1984 or so when I got curious about it and lots of (never-asked-out-loud) questions. Had my first experience with it in late 1987/early 1988 after I turned 18 and was legal.

    Thanks to media reports and early safe-sex campaigns, I knew the importance of condoms. By my late 20s, I became a bit of a hungry bareback bottom. Life is good(ish).

  • I guess old Maggie never heard of that old tome called the Kama Sutra.

    My god, she was an appalling hag… She and Ronnie were like peas in a pod, too.

    • NowAnAgnostic

      Wasn’t there anal sex in “Lady Chatterley’s Lover?” I seem to remember a scene in the stable (?) between two men.

  • prjoe

    “Unprotected anal intercourse carried one of the highest risks of transmission.” It did then and it does now. I couldn’t stand the bitch but she was spot on on that one. Why are so many of us gay men simply unable to keep our dicks in our pants?

    • Tempus Fuggit

      Er…no, sorry, that’s not even good enough for a consolation prize. No toaster for you. Perhaps if you were to read it again, a little slower this time. Sound out the hard words. Have a good, careful think and figure out what the article says, rather than making a complete fool of yourself with a preachy, scoldy little sermon based on what you seem to want it to say.

  • Michael Rush

    … so by the 90’s she was a hungry power bottom ?

  • TheSpinMonkey

    What is this anal sex I have been hearing so much about..

    • Johnny Wyeknot

      Bend over and I’ll show you. 🙂

    • coram nobis

      It’s a whole new thing.

  • fuzzybits

    Man,I loved Joe Strummer. https://youtu.be/EfK-WX2pa8c

    • Phillip in L.A.

      my baby drove up in a brand-new Cadillac

  • Reality.Bites
  • CottonBlimp

    Every time Thatcher comes up, I watch this clip.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmmomV-ax-s

  • Tempus Fuggit

    My husband’s (highly accurate) reaction: “Well, yeah. Can’t kill ’em off if you tell ’em how to avoid dying.”

  • Tempus Fuggit
  • JCF

    “I pray it isn’t true. If it IS true, I pray it does not become well known.” [Attributed to CofE bishop’s wife re Darwin’s Theory of Evolution.]

  • skeptical_inquirer

    Why are there so many idiots who don’t realize that it’s not just done by gay men and that a lot of straight men and women are into anal sex and already know about it? It’s a freaking porn genre in and of itself! (also done by lesbians and bisexual men & women so I don’t leave anybody out)

    Thatcher and Reagan are two of the most overrated leaders ever! There are worse leaders but, they get way more buttkissing and passes in the present than they deserve.

    • Paige Turner

      By sheer force of numbers the straights do it more than we do.
      But thats inconvenient.

    • Steve Teeter

      I think of Reagan and I remember pictures of him riding his horses in California. I think of George W. Bush and I remember pictures of him clearing brush on his ranch. Why wasn’t he riding a horse, in Texas of all places? Because he’s scared to death of the beasts! Way to go, President Courage.

  • Nicholas Rostov

    I feared Margaret Thatcher.

    • Paige Turner

      We all did. She only got re elected because of the Falklands war with Argentina. It galvanised the country. The labor opposition was hopeless too.

      • Nicholas Rostov

        This is true.

        • Paige Turner

          Nothing like a war to galvanise a country. The Brits love all that. Heres some “Rule Brittania” which may help explain just how parochial and patriotic they can be. And I mean that with love as its my heritage too.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rB5Nbp_gmgQ

          • Nicholas Rostov

            It’s the aspect of Englishness that drove/drives me nuts. Why I’m delighted I no longer live there. And why I won’t watch Downton Abbey. I want to bomb them all.

          • Paige Turner

            I have to agree with Downton. I never understood the attraction or the popularity.

  • ExGayTherapyKills

    Honey most kids find the hole early and have a good idea about what to do with it. It is old oppressive people like anti-gay Christians who think they have to stop them from putting things in it. These old anti-gay Christians are on a guilt trip because they did it too. Who is fooling who?

  • Essus

    The only news about ANYTHING Margaret Thatcher is that she is dead. Such wonderful news. Still makes me smile.

  • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

    The Spitting Image Margaret Thatcher might have feared anal, but the cigar hints that she was able to handle oral.

    http://theblogofbaphomet.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/si-cigar.jpg

  • Steve Weinstein

    This is pretty unfair. Whatever you think about her politics (me, not much), she was the first leader to institute an HIV awareness campaign in the world, one that was much praised then and now.

    She certainly was no friend to the gays,but she was trained as a chemist & looked at it that way.

    • barrixines

      Nope no credit to her at all – as other’s have mentioned, it was the work of Norman Fowler despite the resistance he met from his fellow Conservatives including Thatcher. The man is in his late seventies now and still working to combat anti-LGBT and AIDS prejudice. His decency and vision on these issues is truly admirable – and as a leftwinger those words don’t come easy from me about any Tory.

  • JT

    Funny that someone with a stick up her ass should fear anal sex.

  • HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

    We all know she wasn’t the bottom. After all, the lady’s not for turning……

  • David M

    Anal sex is fine if you are straight. It is God’s Loophole.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfRtkCGE40A

  • DaveMiller135

    [Meryl Streep, “Death Becomes Her,” her old friend comes for a visit backstage, and she practices her “surprised” looks.]