Ted Cruz Contest: Buy This $65 Fugly Christmas Sweater And Set An Example For The “Tolerant Left”

Ted Cruz has launched sales on a $65 fugly Christmas sweater which displays his Santa-capped mug floating over the White House and flanked by the Patriotic Tea Party Snakes Of Liberty. According to an email from the Cruz campaign, buying this sweater will “set an example for the ‘tolerant left’.” You can also WIN a sweater by using the hashtag #DeathToGays. Probably.

  • bkmn

    If you see someone wearing this sweater, do the kind thing and give them a plastic bag and a rubber band.

    • Paula

      A revolver with one bullet.

    • Gustav2

      If you see someone wearing this sweater, cross to the other side of the street and continue walking, maybe a little faster.

      And call the police, you know, see something, say something. They could be a terrorist.

      • bkmn

        It is what all the ISIS bombers are wearing this season.

        • Gustav2

          And PP clinic protesters.

    • LovesIrony

      or a gift certificate to Dr. Stabby for brain surgery

  • Gyeo

    An example of how tacky you are? I already tolerate those dumb ass “don’t tread on me stickers” y’all put on your pointlessly large SUV while not using the god damned turn signals.

    • WNY

      ..

      • Bluto

        turn signals are for loosers!

      • Lars De

        I enjoy this version

        • MDB

          Whad if’n thay swallers a’ slinky ??????

          • Bad Tom

            Then they die.
            ——-
            Perhaps we should encourage slinky chugging.

        • sherman

          ..

          • B Snow

            Herpe-derp.

          • Lane

            Ha!!!

      • Sk3ptic

        Wirds is the wirk uv the divel.

        • Necessitas

          Your rite alot, there tolls off satin.

    • vorpal

      Since these people are devoid of a sense of humor (other than their “libturds” go-to which is such a clever play on words), I think that they actually think when they wear tacky shit like this that they’re pissing us off, when the truth is that they just can’t appreciate the fact that we’re simply laughing at them.

      • clay

        See how intolerant of fugly commercial blasphemy you are?

        • vorpal

          =sputters=
          How dare you?
          I’m not fuglophobic.
          I’m pro-pretty!

          • clay

            and who’s propretty are you?

          • vorpal

            I’m available for adoption and free to good (or bad) home.

          • You are formally adopted, pack up your collar, your food dish and your catnip, and I’ll oil up the chains and warm the lube.

          • vorpal

            That sounds like an offer that I cannot (in both senses of the word) refuse!

          • good boy

  • dcurlee

    I’m not sure what the example is….it’s just making him look foolish. That’s the only example I can think of

  • Joe knows who I am.

    Why the [email protected] would anyone, even a teahadist, want to wear this gross p.o.s.?

    • bkmn

      Blind, deaf and dumb would explain a hell of a lot as far as his supporters go.

    • DaddyRay

      Probably to wear to ugly sweater parties

    • Paula

      They wear those stupid tri-corner hats, don’t they? They would so totally be into this.

  • LovesIrony

    the snakes would make better presidents than this anti-American piece of shit

  • bryan

    It does set an example for the left…. on how not to dress like an idiot.

  • Paula

    I didn’t think this guy could become any more absurd. Was I ever wrong!

  • Michael Rush

    What a knit wit .

    • Pollos Hermanos

      I see what you did there.

    • sherman

      The neighbors complained about my groan.

      • Marides48

        I think they’d be use to it by now. Oh wait, that’s a different groan!

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    • Robincho

      Purl iddle asswipe…

  • oikos

    I can get Krampus for only $39 and the money doesn’t go to a RW hack. Sorry Carnival Cruz, no deal.

    http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0362/5165/products/krampus.jpg?v=1438791582

    • Clive Johnson

      Let’s remember the reason for the season, the birth of the Krampus child.

    • Gustav2

      That isn’t as scary as all the Pentecostal flames around Cruz’ sweater.

      • Snarkaholic

        Not to mention the two snakes…clearly meant to represent Satan*. So, Raphael wants to bring a satanic (complete with hell-fire flames) administration to The White House…why does he hate God so much?
        *It’s in the Bible, so don’t question it.

        • Dramphooey

          I thought they represented Coily. The thing in the middle resembles Q*bert.

          • Snarkaholic

            The one in the middle reminds me of Twisty the Clown (only not as cute)!

          • sherman

            I loved Q*bert

      • Nychta

        Those Pentecostal flames are his logo. To me they look like Arabic calligraphy (see my comment from a few mins ago).

    • Dramphooey

      Is that Krampus or was that the draft for a Cruz/Rubio ticket ugly sweater?

      • oikos

        Der krampus

    • Gerry Fisher

      Ohhh, that is just *awesome*!

  • Queequeg

    A fugly sweater with a fugly face on it, promoted by a fugly individual with a fugly personality and fugly political views. Merry Christmas!

    • Necessitas

      The loom was set on knit one, hurl two.

  • Prion

    Shameless plug for PBS (and not at all disgusting like Cruz 🙂
    For much less $ you can get Downton Abbey Season Six! Check your local PBS station for deals – you can get all 6 seasons on DVD or BD for $120!
    http://www.shoppbs.org/family/index.jsp?categoryId=29650486&utm_source=PBS&utm_medium=Link&utm_campaign=pbs_content_masterpiece_DAumbrella_module-buydvd
    34 days till season six starts!!!

    • Queequeg

      At least that would be a gift that people would enjoy, and a worthy contribution.

  • Michael Smith

    This is what happens when conservative heterosexual men are allowed to design clothes.

  • Bluto

    I was beginning to wonder when Raphael was gonna ramp up the crazy.

    • Homo Erectus

      Crazy would be spending $65.00 on that piece of shit. Buying the sweater is pretty crazy, too.

  • Palto

    Is this pattern available on suppositories?

  • Circle Thomas

    Not enough Hotline Bling.

    • MDB

      Sleigh “bell” ??????
      THAT, is hilariously funny (or it’s ebonics plural.)

  • Ray

    It’s Santa Cruz

  • clay

    That’s so ugly Santorum would reject it.

    • Necessitas

      Any sweater will repel Santorum if you Scotchgard it.

      • Paula

        Ewwww!

      • clay

        I was thinking of this Santorum, who celebrated college until someone else wanted to get some:

  • Sam_Handwich

    Can you imagine if there were a Hillary campaign xmas sweater that didn’t include at least 5 baby Jesuses, 10 camels and the star of Bethlehem? Cruz would file a federal lawsuit

    These tea baggers are a parody of themselves

  • RoFaWh

    Looks like Cruz is aiming for a new career: supplier of Dreadful Dreck to dollar stores.

    • Homo Erectus

      I think he may be trying to compete with Donald’s clothing line…

  • Necessitas

    Who wants a Christmas sweater with three snakes on it?

    • Sam_Handwich

      he molted for your sins

      • Sk3ptic

        From what I understand, the suffering is intense because it’s pretty itchy.

    • Clive Johnson

      Let’s not forget the snakes in the manger.

      • And the pyramids! That’s where all the grain went. The snakes ate it.

      • clay

        “I, said the snake, all slithery and cold . . . “

      • Necessitas

        …and the plastic spoon.

      • Sk3ptic

        Or all the snakes in their heads.

    • BobSF_94117

      I don’t know about you, but I have fond memories of putting Christmas snakes in the kids’ stockings on the fireplace mantel.

      • clay

        Stuffing socks in front of the fire, yes.
        on the mantel, no.

  • clay

    Get ’em now! Will not be here next November!

    • Bad Tom

      Or, with luck, this December.

      • clay

        I really, really want to see his reaction to losing in Iowa and New Hampshire. Will he shrug, and then go whine about it to the media? Will he stomp his little hoof, then go chew his cud? Will he say, “OK” but then show up, again, after the convention?

  • zhera

    They’ll set an example, alright. An example of idiocy and bad taste. Spend money on crap, woohoo!

  • Mike in Texas

    Great sweater for someone who enjoys scaring children.

  • DaveMiller135

    They had me at “Ted Cruz Christmas Sweater.” And then they lost me again at $65. Still, keep one in its original packaging, it’ll be worth an ungodly fortune in about 50 years. You are talking to the owner of a William Jennings Bryan campaign cane.

  • Taylor

    In comes in sizes – Dumb – Stupid – Ignorant and Completely Brain Dead!

  • Dramphooey

    And with this I declare the funny “ugly sweater” trend over! I’m still wearing my Thundercats Ho! Ho! Ho! sweatshirt, though.

  • $65 is a bit dear for something to wipe your ass with.

    • clay

      acrylic isn’t absorptive enough for that

      • They’re just gonna smear the shit around anyway.

  • Hue-Man

    No mention of Christmas. I thought that was what started the whole war on Starbucks.

    • zhera

      Jeeziz wore a santa hat when he was born! Don’t you know anything about history??!?!?!!!1

  • bryan

    With that sweater and a matching Breitbart red cup everyone will know you are a member of the Christapo.

    • Gustav2

      It is a must to go caroling at your Jewish and Muslim neighbor’s homes this holiday season!

      • bryan

        Yes, Gustav, convert them, then deport them… It’s what jesus would want this holiday season. Oops I said holiday.

  • Macbill

    Are you sure they are snakes or just piles of shit?

    • coram nobis

      Two rattlesnakes. And a cottonmouth with a Santa hat inbetween.

  • Brian in Valdosta

    I am surprised that the Teafolks use snakes as one of their symbols. Isn’t Satan supposed to be (or have been) a snake? And there are two of them there snake thingies flanking Ole Cruzer, just whisssssspering in his earsssss.

  • LonelyLiberal

    First thought: This could win the Ugly Christmas Sweater contest.

    • Necessitas

      I’ve just read that pretty much all the candidates on both sides have them.

      • LonelyLiberal

        I like Hillary, but ew. Just ew.

      • Homo Erectus

        It took me a minute. I wasn’t sure why it said 20 lb. I live in Florida. T-shirts would sell better here.

  • TheManicMechanic

    ‘Baggers should be required to wear items that identify them

    • LonelyLiberal

      It’s so they don’t see a guy in the mirror and fight him ’cause he looks like a liberal queer.

    • Michael Senesac

      How about those snakes tattooed to their forehead???

    • Homo Erectus

      Remember when they used to hang tea bags from their hats?

  • LovesIrony

    on the back it says:
    I support kevin swanson on his quest to execute all homosexuals

  • CQCQCQ

    Christ. What an asshole.

    • clay

      He’s the reason for the season.

  • PiperPine

    Is tolerance not saying that just looks bad even for an “ugly Christmas sweater”

    • Homo Erectus

      Tolerant means not pointing and laughing out loud.

  • MDB

    What ??? No “Free AK47” with every purchase ????

    • Bad Tom

      Then the sweater would be $650 with the free AK47.

  • Blake Jordan

    Why should we be tolerant of the righ’ts hateful rhetoric and actions?

  • DaddyRay

    Very Presidential

  • Balderdashing

    Interesting that all this pro-Christian anti-Starbucks Christmas gear has no baby Jesi, and in fact, most of the symbolism is pagan and the most often featured personage is Santa Claus, modern symbol of rampant commercialism (and originally a child-beater). I guess their real god is Mammon.

    • RoFaWh

      You guess that their real god is Mammon?

      No guess to it.

    • clay

      They’re not just giving in to the political temptation, they’re selling it for $65 (+ shipping and handling, and a lie about it being a tax write-off).

    • coram nobis

      Indeed: look at it — snakes, symbols of temptation and the devil; five-pointed stars, symbols of devil-worship; and Ted’s surrounded by flakes, symbols of his support. He’s a long way from Bethlehem, more mangy than manger.

      • Homo Erectus

        The gift that keeps re-gifting.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    “set an example for the ‘tolerant left’.” That makes absolutely no sense. What the fuck is he talking about? Does anyway here speak RWNJ and can perform a translation for me?

    • clay

      They have no problem tolerating ugly commercialization of Christmas and all things Jesus, at long at it serves their political ambitions.

      • Rebecca Gardner

        So true, they’re outraged of a red coffee cup, but this insanity is just fine with them,
        https://youtu.be/pBkGla-sYis

        • JB

          That just looks like a lotta excuse for Piggy Wigglin’

        • coram nobis

          No, Black Friday, and not Advent Sunday, is what marks the start of the Christmas season, in which we’re supposed to say “Merry Christmas” instead of “happy holidays,” and baby Jesus gets trampled in Aisle Six.

  • I didn’t want to click on the link… does it say where it is made?

    • clay

      Don’t be afraid– it links to an article on RightWingWatch.

    • coram nobis

      Lemme guess — made in China. How patriotic.

  • Todd Allis

    Scary! Now there’s one “Christmas” item that should have gone on sale well before Halloween.

  • Wynter Marie Starr

    Yes, this will certainly set an example; one of extraordinarily bad taste.

  • David F.

    What a fugly piece of shit! And the sweater is hideous too!

  • JaniceInToronto

    Will the downward spiral ever end?

  • SoCalVet

    Someone needs a punch in the tits.

  • bambinoitaliano

    Ugly is the new black in teabaggastan.

  • Mister Don

    Print it on toilet paper

  • Gerry Fisher

    That’s so *awful* that it might be fun to own one. (M.u.s.t….r.e.s.i.s.t! Donate to Ali Forney Center instead!!!)

  • The Professor

    That’s the closest that bigoted POS will ever get to White House.

  • TampaDink

    I’d love to know where these ugly things are produced. I’m gonna go out on a limb, anywhere but the U.S..

    • Homo Erectus

      Hobby Lobby.

      • TampaDink

        Do they offer pre-assembled garbage?

  • Chuck

    It’s fitting that on either side of his likeness there appears to be a pile of shit.

    • coram nobis

      No, they’re two rattlesnakes about to strike him.

  • Baby Dave

    Christmas snakes?

  • JohnnyToro

    Isn’t that the international symbol for “snake oil salesman”?

  • sw42

    “According to an email from the Cruz campaign, buying this sweater will “set an example for the ‘tolerant left’.”

    Er, uh, how?

    • coram nobis

      Because the relatives are going to have to be very tolerant when they see that at the family Christmas party.

      • Friday

        Lord of Misrule! 🙂

        • coram nobis

          No, he’s the Mouth of Sauron.

  • coram nobis

    Well, it will stop people from saying “Merry Christmas.” If you go to your family Christmas gathering and the dialogue will go something like this:
    MOM: And here’s Uncle Ned.
    YOU: Merry Chr– what the ffff—??

  • Friday

    I dunno, Ted, I know you’re bucking for the job but it may be a bit early to proclaim yourself Lord of Misrule just yet. 🙂 Good for a laugh, though. 🙂

  • Lindoro Almaviva

    I am still trying to decide whether his throwing the word “tolerant” as if it was an insult is pathetic for him or for the entire GOP or just a reflection on where they are as a party. I mean, how mother fucking pathetic of anyone to actually use the word tolerant and mean it aa an insult.

  • Marides48

    Now Teddy’s a symbol of Christmas?
    Like Scrooge or the Grinch?

  • Cuberly
  • 2karmanot

    Since when has Mr. Santie added trolls to the Elvin workshops?

    • coram nobis

      Since Santa’s workshop was bought by Wal-Mart.

    • McSwagg

      The workshops at the North Pole were shut down and moved to Trollsylvania when the elves organized and demanded Holiday Pay.

  • NZArtist

    At first glance, I was certain at either side of his head was a large spiralling pile of poo.
    At second glace I realized the large pile of poo was right in the centre.

  • ColdCountry

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA*gasp*HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  • HZ81

    He’s surrounded by snakes. Go figure.

  • Nychta

    What’s with Cruz’s logo? It reminds me of Arabic calligraphy (which I think is a beautiful art form). Here’s a stylized rendering of “Allah”. Hmmm….

    http://2wf.org/allah-calligraphy-on-cooper/

  • MickinDetroit

    Where are the words “Merry Christmas”? Why is Ted Cruz taking the Christ out of CHRISTmas by not explicitly saying Merry Christmas on his christmas sweater!?!?! OUTRAGE!!!!

  • Holy shit, that is a seriously ugly sweater. Like, nightmare-inducing.

  • jessi

    all I see is cruz surrounded by flames and flakes and coiled shit piles. what is this meaning??

    • GanymedeRenard

      OMG, he’s a member of the illuminati! Benghazi!

  • bdsmjack

    He is wearing a black, not red, Santa hat. Why is he making Santa evil? A black-hatted Santa is Satanic and anti Christmas! Maybe Santa wears a black hat in HELL but NOT in Merica, you godless Canadian!

  • Is it made in Cuba or Canada?

    • GanymedeRenard

      Hell.

  • Estrafalario

    I MOST LOVE that the snakes seem to be close to striking Cruz down. Just hilarious.

  • Steverino

    Megalomania is a terrible thing.

    • GanymedeRenard

      It’s rather a virtue within these clowns. Ask The Donald.

  • anne marie in philly

    put a match to it!

  • Homo Erectus

    Does it say “Merry Christmas” anywhere? Oh, fer heaven’s snakes.

  • GanymedeRenard

    Because snakes have always been part of the Christmas imagery, sure! They’re right there, up with the cow and the donkey, and the reindeers and the camels!

    That, or this one is too narcissistic that he wanted to see his fugly face escorted by by his alter ego. Twice.

  • Dang tolerant left gets scare quotes! Run for the hills gentle right wingers, run!

  • Homo Erectus

    There once was a woman named Etta
    Who fancied herself in a sweater
    Three reasons she had
    To keep warm was not bad
    But the other two reasons were better

    (My Grandpa taught me that when I was a kid. Mom said never repeat anything your grandpa says).

  • Lane

    In the smaller pics, those two snakes (really???) next to his face look EXACTLY like piles of shit with flies buzzing around. Seriously — whoever designed this was NOT a Cruz supporter!

  • glass

    If it’s not 100% cotton, YOU HAVE COMMITTED A SIN!

    But I encourage conservatives to wear these. That way we can spot an idiot from 50ft away.

    • McSwagg

      It’s made from 100% pure sheeple wool.

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