House Speaker Paul Ryan: How Do You Like My Beard?

Paul Ryan is pumping out photos of his stubble on social media and is asking how long it’s been a House Speaker had a beard. SO many joke opportunities, but the most obvious answer is Dennis Hastert. Insert rim shot.

  • LonelyLiberal

    Douche beard for a douche bag.

  • Rambie

    That queen calls that a beard?

  • bkmn

    Obviously he couldn’t get rid of the cigarette smoke from his office so he scraped it off and rubbed it on his face. Either that or he has been spending too much time eating the Koch brothers asses.

  • Sam_Handwich
    • GayOldLady

      Whoa! He married up a bit, didn’t he?

      • olandp

        In more ways than one, she comes from a very wealthy family. I guess you could say that Ryan earned his fortune the hard way, he married it. (Just like John McCain.)

    • Eric in Oakland

      She’s an attractive beard.

  • another_steve

    Boy looks good.

    I’d buy a man-on-man porn video that he was in.

    • TampaDink

      I’d watch a free one.

      • another_steve

        An indicator of what an old fag I am is that I still think and talk in terms of “buying” porn. I mean, really… Does anyone still do that these days?

        Pay for their porn?

        • TampaDink

          They must…..so many sites only offer 30 second previews for free. ☺ (Or so I’ve been told.)

          • TuuxKabin

            I think it was a friend of mine who told you.

          • TampaDink

            We can go with that. ;-p

          • another_steve

            Lol.

            Seriously though, the availability of a gazillion hours of free porn on the Internet “porn tubes” (that’s what they call those sites) is apparently putting a dent in the porn industry’s revenues. I kinda feel for the performers, who are also feeling the financial squeeze.

            But hey… How does a viewer resist all that free stuff?

            It’s, like, an impossible thing to ask of a horny guy — straight or gay.

          • bkmn

            We could have a lot of fun with Ryan T. Anderson’s internet history. Who knows where it would take us…

          • TampaDink

            Who can turn down free stuff? I agree that this does put a dent in the proceeds of the industry pros but it also allows for seeing realistic body types…sometimes. Or so I’ve been told.

        • VodkaAndPolitics

          I got myself a paid subscription once, and my husband hit the roof. He’s like “WTF is wrong with you, that shit is free”

    • GanymedeRenard

      You are so very shallow!
      I like you.

      • another_steve

        Thank you. I am shallow, and I like you too.

        • GanymedeRenard

          XOXO

  • Randolph Finder
    • BlueberriesForMe

      In case they don’t hit the link:

      Joseph Gurney Cannon: Speaker of the House (b. 1836 d. 1926)

      “Cannon is the second-longest continuously serving Republican Speaker in history, having been surpassed by fellow Illinoisan Dennis Hastert, who passed him on June 1, 2006.”

      Now that’s an interesting face, for sure.

      • oikos

        Looks like Ken Ham with clearer skin.

        • Robincho

          Obviously Hamboy never taught Cannon how to bob for french fries…

          • oikos

            LOL!

  • That’s exactly the amount of growth I’m showing on my face at the moment, so Ryan, sweetie, that’s not a beard. That’s just being lazy.

    • Tor

      Exactly. I trimmed off my vacation stubble this morning.

      • clay

        My Native American father couldn’t match his coverage, but even dad would have had more length than that after a month.

        • Giant Monster Gamera

          I’m 1/4 Native American and both me and my dad have no problems with facial hair. My BF is 100% NA and can go days without shaving and look almost freshly shaven except on his chin.

          • clay

            When he retired, the old man stopped shaving (my mom had said he only shaved every-other day and she couldn’t tell on the second night). After three months he had a wispy little Fu Manchu about an inch long.

      • Steve Teeter

        I’ve reached the age where I can’t grow a vacation stubble. If I let it grow it doesn’t come in dark, making me look sexy. It comes in gray, making me look like a skid row bum.

    • oikos

      C’mere and sit on my lap lazy boy. 😉

    • vorpal

      Seriously. I’d have more growth on my face in about four days of not shaving.

      • OrliJoe in Fla

        I was thinking the same thing. That’s what I get after 4 days. They hubby loves it!

      • Giant Monster Gamera

        After being clean shaven for over 30 years I grew one and immediately snagged a BF. Now I get to sit home while he rubs it for an hour each night. Best thing I ever did.

        Ryan’s looks like something I’d have to shave off on Monday morning.

        • vorpal

          I had trimmed scruff for the last four or five years, but now that I’ve lost close to 50 lbs, I want to show off my newfound facial skinniness :-), so I shaved it off a few months back.

          I bet you and your boyfriend make an adorable, awesome couple :-). Much happiness to you both!

          • Giant Monster Gamera

            Thanks, Vorpal. I lost 50# as well this year and have been told to stop. I showed him a photo of me in my skinny phase from 15 years ago and was told I am much better looking now.

            Best to your s.o. and kitties as well!

          • vorpal

            Thanks! We wish you well, too! Here we are saying hi:

          • Giant Monster Gamera

            They look so happy. You look great!

          • vorpal

            Thanks!

            Of course while I was trying to take the picture, they were all wiggles and meows.
            And now that I’ve stopped, they’ve settled down in a cute little heap next to me :-).

          • Grumpy old Man

            Oooh! Basement kitties – gotta love basement kitties – Please forgive the following

          • JCF

            From the “Basement Cat Letters” (Cat Staples Lewis):

          • Grumpy old Man

            Stolen and added to basement kitty files.
            Thanks

        • CanuckDon

          Hmmm….could you send some lessons for the guys around my area?

          • Giant Monster Gamera

            Growing a beard or rubbing one?

            Frankly I was clueless about how to grow and maintain one. Google has been my friend.

            The BF, on the other hand, seems to be very experienced at rubbing things.

  • Gustav2

    If I can’t get shit done because of the Freedom Fries Caucus, I might as well grow a ‘vacation’ beard.

    • Doug105

      Dreamer, his job is to get nothing done.

  • Circle Thomas

    Well, now he and the Senate Majority Leader have something else in common.

    • TampaDink

      A bird can marry a fish….but where do they live?
      A turtle can marry an asian….but why did she agree to that?

      • oikos

        Part of the slippery slope of legalizing SSM. Her lawnmower broke up with her so she found Yertle.

        • TampaDink

          That ‘splains everything. She still misses that old Briggs & Stratton….it always knew how to please her.

    • GanymedeRenard

      What was the name of ‘Crazy Eyes’ Bachman again? Well, he too is in that (in)famous league.

      • Rebecca Gardner

        Marcus

        • GanymedeRenard

          Yes. Thank you.

      • dcurlee

        Lady Bird lol

        • GanymedeRenard

          That too. LOL

      • Kissmagrits

        Did you mean Michele’s lovely wife Marcus?

        • GanymedeRenard

          Wouldn’t that make Michele a lesbian, though? Let’s not offend our gay sisters. LOL

          • Kissmagrits

            Anything’s possible I suppose – Michele got her BA at
            Anal Roberts University in Tulsa, so I make allowances for that.

    • CPT_Doom

      Except Ryan is growing his beard, not marrying it.

      • JCF

        A grow-er, not a show-er.

    • Kissmagrits

      Except the Majority Leader doesn’t have a chin and should consider growing a beard to hide that fact.

  • Alan43

    Actually, looks better. He’s kind of freaky looking clean-shaven

    • Sam_Handwich

      i think most guys look better with facial hair

      and i’m glad to see so many younger guys growing it now

      • oikos

        Agreed. I love facial hair on a guy. Clean shaven is not for me.

        • Octavio

          And when they rim you . . . heaven. Just heaven. 🙂

          • oikos

            Ramen!

          • Because that’s how I roll!

          • Octavio

            Personally, El Squeeze got me liking him munching on my but. However, that’s as far as it goes. I’ve never been a big fan of sticking things in my “pussy” — however, I’m always happy to oblige others by fucking them, if they prefer. 🙂

    • jomicur

      With or without the stubble, he looks like Eddie Munster.

      • Acronym Jim

        Hey now, don’t be dissing my childhood crush. I lived for Butch Patrick on Lidsville.

        • jomicur

          With me it was Lee Aaker on Rin Tin Tin. I clearly have a few years on you. 😉

    • clay

      How does he shave those crevasses?

  • rusty57

    Maybe one day, but he will still be an ignorant, selfish ass.

  • TuuxKabin

    An improvement. Looks Middle Eastern.

    • rusty57

      Syrian?

      • TuuxKabin

        uh huh.

      • JCF

        Kick him out of the USA then!

  • Pollos Hermanos

    Seems like Denny Hastert had a beard the entire time he was speaker.

    • TampaDink

      I wonder if she has quietly filed for divorce, knowing how much money he gave to his black mailer? Or will she be as vapid as Dottie Sandusky?

      • oikos

        I vote for vapid, she married a repuglican.

        • TampaDink

          And just like Dottie, it won’t matter how many victims come forward.

      • clay

        She taught with him at that school. I wonder how much she already knew.

  • DutchBoy74

    Draws far too much attention to his over-sized nose.

    • TuuxKabin

      I think that’s his best feature, but I’m a sucker for noses and men who wear glasses, I always made passes.

  • Gerry Fisher

    I normally love beards, but this one I find strangely repulsive. Must be the guy it’s attached to.

    • Bob Conti

      No, it looks pretty stupid and icky.

    • oikos

      Agree. He’s ugly inside and out and the beard doesn’t change that.

      • BlueberriesForMe

        No matter what he “does”, he’s never going to be “cool”:

        • oikos

          Repugs try so hard to posture and be cool but they can’t pull it off. The same with their attempts at humor.

          • Kissmagrits

            If you think that’s bad, just imagine a
            Christianist idiot attempting stand-up
            at a prayer retreat.

          • clay

            with a rock band

          • oikos

            I would never be at a prayer retreat so I will never have to imagine that.

        • zhera

          That photo was taken in a studio. THAT’s how vain this guy is.

          • bambinoitaliano

            There was a sale at Sears portrait studio.

        • bkmn

          I’ve read that he is obsessed that his father died so young (leaving him to collect Social Security survivor benefits – that he now is working to kill for everyone else) that he exercises obsessively. Being a repub though he probably isn’t doing the other basic things he can do to prevent his own heart attack like taking a baby aspirin a day, since that would require asking a question of a physician.

        • The Milkman

          Olan Mills would at least have given him a bale of hay to pose with.

    • Kissmagrits

      It’s the nose. Makes him look like a scruffy can opener.

    • charemor

      It makes him look like a street person.

  • dcurlee

    Seriously you are paid how much a year to tweet out unprofessional crap like this

    • teeveedub

      How long has it been since we’ve had a Speaker who was this much of a narcissist? That’s a more relevant question.

      • Yixing’s Fluffer (Suzy)

        Do Chris Matthews’ constant references to Tip O’Neill disqualify him?

      • Octavio

        Um . . . does the Newt that stole Gingrich count?

        • teeveedub

          I was thinking more of the gawk-at-oneself-in-the-mirror kind of narcissist. But, sure, Gingrich would qualify under a broader definition.

  • shellback

    I remember when the real Eddie Munster had a beard.

    • Kissmagrits

      Tee-hee! Lon Chaney with new jammies.

    • GOP Women’s Outreach

      And Darren on Bewitched.

  • RealityBass

    It’s intended to make you say “You need a trim. Come to think of it, so does the tax code — More cuts for rich people!”

  • Blobby

    last time time SoH sportied a beard: Dennis Hastert’s wife.

  • GanymedeRenard

    Why don’t you ask Aaron Schock, my dear? He may as well give you some decoration guidance.

    • Jimmie Z

      I’ll wager Aaron will give him more than design advice.

      • GanymedeRenard

        And you’d most likely be correct.

      • Yixing’s Fluffer (Suzy)

        Oh, there was more “design advice” given and taken in the locker room at the congressional gym than Jonathan Adler’s studio.

      • clay

        I wonder if that’s why they stopped being work-out partners?

    • bambinoitaliano

      His beard will get buried between Aaron Schock in no time.

      • Yixing’s Fluffer (Suzy)

        “Oh Rose, take off your watch first or you’ll never see it again.”

        Or were you talking about that stubbly mess on his face? ;-P

      • GanymedeRenard

        Hmm, I’d like to see that. For research purposes, of course.

        • bambinoitaliano

          Ryan is so far right, he’ll probably give Aaron a fistula in his ass.

          • GanymedeRenard

            Now that’s where my research would end.

        • CA2015

          Just like Pete LaBarbera.

          • GanymedeRenard

            Gee, now I feel disrespected and filthy. Thanks.

  • Trying to look like a bear.

    • BlueberriesForMe

      “My wife thinks I’m SO sexy now.” No, she doesn’t.

  • anne marie in philly

    it’s ugly; and he should get a nose job – just LOOK at that hot mess!

    hey paul, why ain’tcha doing something about the country’s infrastructure? WE THE PEOPLE don’t pay ya to sit around taking selfies!

  • HZ81

    Speaker of the Frat sure is busy.

  • oikos

    Posts on social media vs. substantive legislation that benefits the country?

  • dalibby

    He looks good. And I hate myself that I think that.

    • TuuxKabin

      Well, you’re not alone. As you’ll see below. Maybe a minority, but not alone.

    • Tor

      You can look at him, but, by all means, do not make eye contact!

  • Sam_Handwich

    Hands off my uterus!

    i think your posts are being automatically deleted for some reason. try posting with a real disqus account

  • zhera

    Who’s more vain, Paul Ryan or the crook from Peoria?

    • charemor

      Both.

  • Lookingup73

    Hopefully he will post pics when he actually has a beard…right now it is stubble. (I have the same look and never call it a beard!)

  • LonelyLiberal

    After further consideration, it turns him into a widow’s peak, enormous ears, and gigantic, bulbous nose. This is not a good look for him.

    • Sam_Handwich

      well, the widow’s peak, enormous ears, and gigantic, bulbous nose will be there nonetheless

      i think it balances his face so it’s not so top heavy

  • bryan

    No doubt the far right will see his designer fuzz as an insult to their traditional values.

  • penpal

    Brian Sims is not impressed.

    • Sam_Handwich

      he’s totally w00fular

      • Oscarlating Wildely

        For the record, in person his eyes are even nicer. Tom Daley could jump into them and do an interpretive water ballet performance and it would be oddly and amazingly fitting. (or… maybe that was my dream… or something?….)

        • Janice Owens

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    • oikos

      Woof!

      • Sam_Handwich

        ..

        • oikos

          Ha! Bravo on the photoshop!

    • bambinoitaliano
    • ColdDesert

      I think Cartman said it best ages ago: “Beefcake!”

    • GOP Women’s Outreach

      I’ll be in my bunk.

    • William

      I want to feel that beard on my… oh the fingers are typing my thoughts.

    • Brian in Valdosta

      I now need some alone time. Damn, he is so handsome. Yowzah.

  • GayOldLady

    I hate to say it Paul, but I know old women who can grow a better beard than that! 🙂 Not me mind you!!!

  • Robincho

    Hastert would escape him, naturally, since his First Official Act as Speaker was to have Hastert’s portrait removed from the House Gallery…

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    Is he under the impression that he is in any way attractive ?

    • clay

      but, his momma told he has a handsome boy.

  • HZ81

    Also, I imagine poor Aaron Shock barely being able to jerk off to this pic thru his tears. poor Aaron.

    • Yixing’s Fluffer (Suzy)

      They’re both greedy bastards; let’s do a kickstarter for a porno with those two once Ryan has been forced out by teathings and Schock has run out of money to pay his lawyers.

  • Yixing’s Fluffer (Suzy)

    You think there’d be enough room for a razor underneath the couch in his office where he’s allegedly sleeping.

  • David Gervais

    Scruff is only skin deep, Republicanism goes all the way to the bone.

    • Mikey

      scruff is only at the surface.
      rot tends to work its way deep into the substrate.

    • billbear1961

      To the very core of their pus-filled “hearts.”

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

  • The Milkman

    I escaped Wisconsin 3 years ago. Superman from Janesville is clearly handsome, yes. It’s a shame that he’s so very conscious of it. Kinda kills it for me.

    Well, that coupled with his regressive, solipsistic, absurd voting record. That kills it too.

  • Mark

    Nuthin says “I want a man” more than a bit of stubble….

  • 2karmanot

    rim shot.—Yep that just about sums up old Hastert’s wrestling coach career. It cost him 3mill.

  • 2karmanot

    Look’un not quite like gay stubble dude. I’d give it a butch 2 outta 10.

  • Octavio

    Dennis Hastart? Very funny. Most excellent your JoeMyGodship. 🙂

  • Sk3ptic

    The stubble’s an improvement…but really, it’s like frosting a turd: what’s the point?

  • sequel

    good looking evil evil man, but that’s not a beard by any measure

  • SunsetGay

    If he has any questions on having a beard, he can consult with FORMER Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (God I just love seeing that word before her title).

  • Nic Peterson

    He misses Aaron.

  • Tempus Fuggit

    Beard…? Where’s any beard? I don’t see one on him.

  • Beaster1174

    He’s not bad looking. Too bad he’s an asshole.

  • josephsinger

    It’s not a beard. It’s being lazy and not shaving for a day or so.

  • kladinvt

    It’s the “forked-tongue” of Lying Ryan that’s the real issue.

  • She looks ok to us. Are you finding her a mite to confining?

    • billbear1961

      Meow, sweetie!

      😀

      • Yes, I’ll have my salmon roll and dish of soy milk now!

        • billbear1961

          🙂

  • James

    That’s not a beard it’s like 6 o’clock shadow.

  • Wasn’t Hastert married?

  • BobSF_94117

    He must have a crush on Ryan Anderson.

  • BobSF_94117

    Is this Movember-related?

  • Steven Leahy

    Actually I like the near-beard. He’s a good looking man, albeit a republican asshole. But the beard does work for him if we’re HONEST here! hehe

  • Gay Fordham Prep Grad

    Enjoy it before it comes in grey, Paul.

    • billbear1961

      DO let us work at making sure it will be grey VERY soon.

      Actually, his “colleagues” may do that FOR us!

  • Soren456

    Sort of like a high school boy smoking a pipe. Doesn’t work.

  • glass

    When was the last time a republican speaker of the house actually worked?
    What an attention whore. And beards are out already, keep up.
    His boyfriend needs to keep him off the internets.

  • billbear1961

    Hey, do your goddamned JOB and help to make the country a better place instead of being a stumbling block to ANY kind of PROGRESS, you selfish, self-absorbed JOKE.

    • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

      You are right: stumbling block, and not stubbly block.

  • ColdDesert

    Beards are cool. You’re still a douche. Now with a beard.

  • Randy503

    I would like to see mutton chops on this guy.

    • clay

      If by that you mean sheep beating him up, I’d pay to see it.

  • TheSpinMonkey

    kinda sexy for an old dude

  • Secure

    Joe wins with the Hastert Joke!

  • Micah Spiese

    Headline was misspelled.

    • hudson11

      hmmmm- is that you be any chance????? 🙂

    • PurrrrrrrrrDY!!!

  • Robert Conner

    I’d LOVE your beard. If you were wearing it while submerged in a river with your feet in a couple of buckets of cement. Paulie.

  • WiscoJoe

    Meh, Aaron Rodgers still has the best looking beard in Wisconsin. His facial hair ain’t bad either.

  • sherman

    I understand there are some people in the world who like hairy asses.

  • EdA

    I guess he can no longer work out with Aaron Schock.

  • coram nobis

    Young Yasir Arafat? That what you’re going for, Mr. Speakerphone?

    • William

      Ringo Starr.

      • coram nobis

        Gabby Hayes. “The President is near!”

  • TheManicMechanic

    I grew a thicker beard when I was 15.

  • Cuberly

    OH! I get it, neocon hipster!

    So I guess in 2074 we’ll have long haired GOPers with waxed mustaches, long long beards, flannel and suspenders. Wait, even that was 3 years ago and it’s now catching on mainstream wise.

    Seems about right, GOP modeled scruff was au courant in the late 80s. See Miami Vice.

    http://images.starpulse.com/Photos/Previews/Miami-Vice-tv-09.jpg

  • Max_1

    Puberty is not nice…
    … After the peach fuzz: Pimples.

  • stanhope

    Those whiskers can scratch my inner thighs any day of the week. He looks like my ex with that beard.

  • Happy Dance

    I dunno…he still has those handles on the side of his head….

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  • Queequeg

    I have to admit that Ryan is pretty attractive on the outside, he’s just ugly on the inside.

  • TheSpinMonkey

    Ryan would have made a much better presidential candidate that the current GOP offerings.

  • Jeffrey

    Yeah, we just spent the past four days in Yosemite for Thanksgiving and I have about the same amount of “beard” so not particularly impressed. However, I will say that is the most attractive he’s ever looked…and that isn’t saying a lot.

  • Diogenes Arktos

    Not that long ago Rachel Maddow did a fun spot on someone in government with a beard. This escapade may be the only hope he has for a mention on her show in a
    positive sense.

  • RB118

    Paul Ryan, so you have hair around your hole and your nose is still the longest thing on your body. Yippee for you.

  • Mundusvultdecipi

    Handsome man, pity about the deranged political policies…