Nutjob Televangelist Perry Stone: Secret Pro-Gay “Donkey Party” Bill Will Cause Destruction Of America

“MAJOR ALERT: I have just been informed of a major plan by the extreme left, that has the support over 100 House members and numerous Senators, that if passed would make it a crime for churches and ministers to publicly say the gay lifestyle is a sin, or not allow them to use your church for their own meetings. It would become a crime and the Justice Department would investigate the allegations of ‘discrimination’, and if the church or minister is ‘guilty’ leveling fines, or if need be incarcerating the leaders.

“The majority of the politicians among these church haters that are intolerant to traditional religious beliefs happen to be with linked with the ‘donkey party,’ and most have no liking for conservative Christians and will use the law to ‘Silence the religious right,’ as they call it. We will soon find out within the ‘church’ who is on the Lord’s side of the Scriptures and who is ‘halting between two opinions.’

“It is the days of Elijah all over again, where the Spirit of Jezebel is after the heads (voices) of the men of God. There is serious government persecution coming to all who stand for truth, and when the ‘left’ becomes violent, as did the men of Sodom against Lot, threatening to rape him for his rebuke of their iniquity, God will change the game and the United States hedge will be removed and catastrophic natural disasters will be unleased [sic]. Please mark this day, this post and repost to as many as possible.

“We must pray for God’s Word to always prevail. Also, a UK report from scientists stated that in the future the earth in in danger of a catastrophic meteor shower! Hummm – I recall Jesus predicting the ‘stars falling from heaven and the powers of heaven being shaken.’ Sounds like the last days!” – Televangelist Perry Stone, in a Facebook post that has been shared more than 15,000 times.

  • NZArtist

    Tax-exempt why?

    • Duane Dimitrov

      Because Jeeeezzzus wrote the Constitution, of course.

      And once written, it can’t be taken back, since there is the “no takebacks” clause in our sacred Constitution.

      • Steve Teeter

        I don’t think church tax exemption is actually IN the Constitution. I read it once, and I don’t remember that. It’s either an act of Congress or a regulation of the IRS. Either would be easier to change than the Constitution, if the political will was there. But unfortunately it isn’t.

        • Duane Dimitrov

          Neither was the Constitution written by Jeeeeezzzzus.

          Neither is the Constitution “sacred”.

          Neither should the US Constitution be equated with the Bible.

          Neither is the US a “Christian nation.”

          Yet, right wingers believe all of the above, more or less. Why? Because they are a bunch of insurrectionary morons!

          We are at a very scary point in our political history.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    Another Liar for Jebus™

    • bkmn

      And TAX EXEMPT $$$$$.

      • Queequeg

        I live in Chicago. Yesterday my husband and I were walking past the Moody Church, which has buildings on two of the most expensive pieces of real estate in the city. He commented on what a waste of resources it is. I ageed and metioned that it is all tax exempt. This in a city that is badly in debt.

        • delk

          Funny that area was a major gay hustling spot back in the day.

          • BillyDee4

            You didn’t want to pick up guys from MBI*. They were SO fucked up.
            *Moody Bible Institute, or Moody Instant Bible Toot.

          • Queequeg

            Yes, Bughouse Square. Now that park is in the middle of a very expensive area and is usually populated by people with their dogs and kids. Actually very nice. The building I’m referring to, however, is on Lasalle north of North Avenue, across from Lincoln Park. Not that Old Town didn’t have its own gay cruising going on. If you’re not in Chicago anymore, you may be interested to know that the Bijou Theater closed after being in business since the 70’s. End of an era. If those walls could talk, they would have lots of stories to tell.

          • Bj Lincoln

            Sadly, Americans don’t care about the history of our buildings. We seem to have no issue with tearing things down and/or building things that won’t last.

          • Queequeg

            Although the Bijou was a pretty sleazy place, it was in a classic style building that should be preserved. We had one recent victory where a row house scheduled to be demolished was saved.

          • delk

            Yeah, that’s the church. The school is on Lasalle between Chicago and Oak.

            Second generation Chicagoan, live in West Loop.

            I had a friend, Jay, who did the answering machine for the Bijou. I had a lot of fun in Old Town, I still have my Carol’s card somewhere. Ugh, the Glory Hole with their swimming pool, lol!

          • Queequeg

            I live in Old Town. My family has been in Chicago for four generations. Great City. Too bad we have such financial problems. I remember when Clark Street, near north, was very different than it is now. The Gold Coast, the Machine Shop, etc., now fancy restaurants or banks and a big tourist trap. Chicago has a very interesting history.

          • delk

            Jumbo Jerry’s! Those Clark Street bars were my gay teenage playground, lol!

            I’m 53. For 49 of the 53 I’ve never lived farther than two blocks from Ashland Ave. In fact, we currently live on the same street as the one I grew up on. Pretty trippy.

          • Queequeg

            I’m older, 66. Grew up on the southwest side and have lived in Dearborn Park in the South Loop, some suburbs and now north side. I’m really a city guy, and was glad to return from the suburbs to civilization.

          • delk

            Grew up in The Back of the Yards.

        • John30013

          Eugene made a similar comment on The Walking Dead this past episode…

    • FAEN

      AKA ‘Yada Yada Yada send me money because it’s our real God’

    • Duane Dimitrov

      I love the growing acknowledgement of “historical Jesus” and the “Jeebus” of bullshit American Christianity.

  • bdsmjack

    What, no money beg?

  • TampaDink

    I’d like to post more tonight….but I’m headed downtown to the Baptist Church to demand that they allow me to hold my gay meeting there tonight.

    • Anastasia Beaverhousen

      Why? We have that fabulous Gay Lobby you can hold your meeting in.

      • TampaDink

        I HAVE to go & begin persecuting xtians….otherwise, they might become organized & try to outnumber us.

        • Really! They’re not going to persecute themselves.

          Oh . . . . wait. . . . . .

          • TampaDink

            Bingo. Once again, you have nailed it.

        • Bluto

          Don’t forget your recruitment quota.

          • TampaDink

            Is it still considered recruitment when I force xtians into the gay “lifestyle”? If not, then my numbers are going to suffer in the 4th quarter.

    • FAEN

      I’m sure most of the Choir will be happy to join, provided they can get a few hours away from their very heterosexual lives😉

    • Soren456

      I saw your posters. I’ll be there, but maybe late. Sorry.

      • TampaDink

        It does pay to advertise. Next Sunday, all of my ads will be placed in every church bulletin in the land….at no costs, of course.

    • oikos

      Do you want to borrow my taser?

      • Joe in PA

        Yours is detachable?

        • oikos

          Is that what the young folk are calling them now?

      • TampaDink

        Nah….I can hold em back with the power of my gayness.

        • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

          You just have to wave your fabulous wand…

          http://moonhippiemystic.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/wand.gif

          • TampaDink

            Oh….THAT fabulous wand. Ooops.

          • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

            Well, whichever wand to want to wave. I’m sure you can whip out a fabulous one.

        • oikos

          Gay powers activate!

    • delk

      Hate be with you.

      • TampaDink

        And awful with you. ;-p

  • JT
  • Anastasia Beaverhousen

    Jeebus hates me this, this I know,
    Cause Perry Stone told me so?

    • Snarkaholic

      He’s convinced that he’s not wrong
      For wishing he could suck a schlong.

      • BillyDee4

        No self-respecting schlong owner would let Perry near theirs. That leaves all the Pinny-cossals like Stone.

    • clay

      His name doesn’t track in your rhyme.
      I’m blaming that on his name.

      He should be “Stone Perry”– masculine hardness and a descendant of an admiral and explorer. Instead, he’s a diminutive gravel stuck in my shoe.

  • Austin Bennett

    This group is so top secret that no one knows about it.

  • Sashineb

    Why the hell would he care? If he’s really saved, as he pretends to be, then he knows that he (and his “saved” followers) will be air-lifted to safety in the Rupture!!

  • Sean

    Nope.

    • Sean

      P.S.

    • clay

      Uh, why’s the fire in the shape of Africa?

  • Cherry

    How do these people get away with telling blatant lies? And their followers blindly believe this horseshit?

    • Anastasia Beaverhousen

      They are ignorant fools?

      • Homo Erectus

        Amen.

    • NZArtist

      Because when your head can contain the obvious insanity of an invisible friend, it can believe anything at all.
      He’s fleecing people who have imaginary friends. Why is it such a stretch to think they’ll fall for this other bullshit?

    • clay

      1) it’s elephant shit.
      b) low information church attendees.
      also) alcohol erasing long term memory?

  • oikos
    • JT

      Now we know what her goatee is for.

    • Homo Erectus

      Ezekiel says that like it’s a bad thing.

    • 2guysnamedjoe

      Oh, sure, Ezekiel, you ol’ size queen, if you were there you’d be leaving footprints on the headboard, too.

    • Tallulah

      This is a fun one to use when asked to say grace.

      • oikos

        That is a great idea!

    • rabbit_ears

      She lusted after a dude with a huge dick, who farted a lot?

      • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

        I don’t think those were the emissions Ezekiel had in mind. 😄

        • TampaDink

          Good old Ezekiel….or as his buddies called him, Zeke the cum guzzler.

          • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

            Tampa Zeke?

          • TampaDink

            That wasn’t who I was referring to….you’d have to ask his husband about that.

        • rabbit_ears

          These days when I hear “emissions” I think of global warming.. How boring is my life?

      • People had different priorities in the old days

    • Paula

      Leave my sister out of this!

    • Duane Dimitrov

      Is that really in the bible?

      • oikos

        Yes.

    • bambinoitaliano

      Little prick never ending obsession with donkey dicks.

  • Tom G

    Jesus Fucking Christ. Is there no limit to the bullshit these fucktards will spew?!?

    • Suzy

      It’s hard for a grifter out there.

    • FAEN

      They will continue to spew as long as there are ignorant fucktards who swallow this BS.

  • Judas Peckerwood

    It’s the Donkey DICK Party, fool, and we’re going to shove our agenda straight down your throat. BWAHAHAHAHA!

    • NZArtist

      I could do with some ass sex about now.

  • Sean

    ..

    • zhera

      But he rode a dinosaur!

      My reaction to this: Yay, end times! That’s supposed be good, right?

      • vorpal

        ..

    • Chris H.

      You beat me to the same graphic…I should have scrolled down.

  • No, your religion is destroying this nation. Saul of Tarsus’s evil spawn teaches hatred for love and forgiveness without change. Now we have kids mowing down their class rooms with Ar-15s and people who blandly lie, cheat and steal on a daily basis, guilt free, because they’re “forgiven”.

  • Queequeg

    Another Christian who can’t speak without lying.

  • Sean

    Kim Davis is the Jezebel:

  • Steeeevo

    They just get crazier and crazier.

  • Suzy

    100 people in the HoR won’t get you anywhere. 40, though…

    • bkmn

      HoR = House of Rethugs

  • Ninja0980

    Where is the money beg at?

  • Sean

    “and when the left becomes violent”…. What’s that? I w distracted by the religious-reich’s violence:

    • bdsmjack

      Disturbing.

      • Steve Teeter

        Disturbing, but important.

        • bdsmjack

          Agreed.

  • oikos

    Wow, the ignorant, batshit fucktardery is strong on his FB page. Be warned, some serious mental illness there.

    • Sam_Handwich

      ahem

      fucktardation is the proper term

      • oikos

        Maybe on your side of the Empire/Bay state line, but I live in the sticks Mister. 😉

    • Suzy

      “Been saying this was coming down the pike for the last 20 years – and poohpoohed for it. Told to get a tin hat.
      BUT
      here’s the deal – it’s time for the believers in Christ to decide TODAY
      whom they serve – whether it is political correctness to avoid persecution or if it is the Lord, who has ransomed them with the precious blood of His Son, Jesus Christ.
      As for me (and I wish I cold speak for my household too), I will serve the Lord.”

      You weren’t kidding.

      • oikos

        I read 3 or 4 comments and had to close the tab. Fucking wingnut religiosity coupled with lack of mental health meds.

      • olandp

        I just can’t serve the Lord again, no matter how much you cook it, it comes out stringy.

        • oikos

          Probably because it’s not free range.

      • Robincho

        A good definition of Hell would be to be a member of that “household”…

      • Eebadee-eebadee-thatsallfolks

        ???? Who in his household is he throwing under the religious bus?

    • MDB

      Batshit fucktardery and bovine spongiform assholery; definitely mental illness with a healthy dose of paranoia .

  • Queequeg

    Salon recently had an article about the insanity of religion and how ubiquitous it is in the Republican Party, and, to a somewhat lesser degree, in the Democratic Party. Religion sucks the life out of everything with its rigid set of rules and the desire to make everyone live by them. It is truly dangerous.

  • When his meth kicks in it is NOT pretty!

    • Cuberly

      Yeesh, keep him away from the outlets.

  • Duane Dimitrov

    Oh, look it’s the “Jesus Grift,” whereby these morons/ideologues/assholes prey on the petty prejudices of their base to feed their pocketbook!

    In modern conservatism, it is completely impossible to discern where the ideological grift ends and the money grift begins!

    And, yes, I do consider televenagelism and “bullshit American Christianity” as part of the conservative movement…because they are!

    • 2guysnamedjoe

      We should at least get a percentage. We’re their raw material. Without us, those guys are out of business!

      • Duane Dimitrov

        Oh no no no no.

        No one gets a cut except the grifter!

        And Jeeezzzzzus, but he doesn’t exist so it gets forfeited to the grifter.

        Religion is so great, you get to peddle a “product” that consists of nothing but bullshit, comes with no guarantee at all, and costs a shit ton of money for adherents-I-mean-customers.

        What a great racket!

      • JW Swift

        You’re kidding, right? There’s always another boogeyman/scapegoat within society that they can single-out for persecution. They’re already shifting (slowly) away from Teh Gheyz to openly hating on trans folk. There’ll always be an “other”.

  • motordog

    Perry, sweetie…you’re suppose to be HAPPY the (so-called) “End Times” are here! It means your miserable time on this planet is over!

  • Treg Brown

    “and if the church or minister is ‘guilty’ leveling fines, or if need be incarcerating the leaders.”

    Sounds like that long threatened confinement at FEMA camps is coming true. Better pack your bags! Better hurry before I use my weather power on you.

  • oikos

    Bye! Have a great time. Don’t worry about writing to us.

    https://prophecynewsheavensoon.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/edtherapture.gif

    • NZArtist

      Some days you really wish their mythology were real and they’d all fuck off and leave the place to the sane people.

      • oikos

        I wish that everyday.

      • rabbit_ears

        Most of them wouldn’t be going up. A huge flaming sinkhole would open under them.

        • NZArtist

          Dewd, when you’re making up a mythology you’re *always* the one being saved. It’s everyone else who is the filthy ‘sinner’.

    • 2guysnamedjoe

      I look forward to sitting on my porch on Rapture Day, and saying every few seconds https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bT90D0GKZRM

    • james_from_cambridge

      I think I actually see some brown and black people ascending to heaven. This must have been animated by a Communist!

    • bdsmjack

      Pretty.

    • Joe in PA

      totally bogus gif…did you see that dog, the one that got passed by? I thought “all dogs go to heaven”:

      (the movie and the pope CAN’T be wrong)

      • oikos

        Apostolic illustrator-you got me.

      • rabbit_ears

        Obviously the dog is a huge sinner. It probably chewed its owners socks up and didn’t feel sufficiently guilty and never went to confession.

      • StSean

        i am very sad that my animals will all go to heaven while i am destined for hell.

      • JCF

        I noticed that no one in the “Global Community Church” got raptured (that’s what they—the RWNJ Christianists who created this GIF—think of apostates like Episcopalian moi).

    • rabbit_ears

      Won’t they be surprised once they leave the atmosphere and then realize jeeeebus never promised space suits, or breathing gear.

      • oikos

        You had to send more money to the televangelist to get those non-essential items.

    • In the real world, that car would’ve run right into those people at the bus stop, including the little girl and the kid riding the bicycle, and not just harmlessly roll to a stop at the edge of the graveyard…

      I’m also not seeing planes falling from the sky. Or do airlines have a program in place to ensure all pilots are sufficiently evil not to be unexpectedly raptured?

      Inquiring minds want to know.

      Also, fuck anybody who thinks dogs don’t deserve to go to heaven on the first cut.

      • Steve Teeter

        Yeah, but which dogs? I’ve had two dogs I loved dearly over the years (in sequence, not at the same time) and they loved me. So what if I go to heaven and Fricka and Bluebell are both there? Do they both be my dog? How are they going to feel about that? Will they become friends? Maybe, but Bluebell was a rather competitive dog. She liked to win. And Fricka loved to catch tennis balls, and Bluebell couldn’t be less interested. What a job it would be to keep them both happy!!

        • Just hire the Cherubim Doggy Sitting Service and all will be well.

      • vorpal

        They don’t have souls, apparently, like gay people, because unlike Christians, they’re not god’s special flowers.

    • Dramphooey

      I was fascinated by this artwork. They are just the most hateful people alive. All the pews are full at the Global Community Church, whatever that is, because they’re wrong. Absolutely repulsive people.

    • Taleisin

      Maybe now we can get some decent legislation passed.

      • rabbit_ears

        And we can free up space by getting rid of those church things you see everywhere.

        • Taleisin

          Or they could be used for something worthwhile.
          Like soup kitchens, homeless shelters, or gay night clubs.

        • vorpal

          Bible can finally be placed where it belongs: in the fiction section.

    • Glen

      The one commonality between atheists and Christians, regarding their beliefs.

      We’re both praying for the rapture.

  • NZArtist

    So, the correct response when someone says they carry the plague is to say “Well I respect your rights to be a plague-carrier. I don’t want to be infected but you’re welcome to infect the other people around me. A healthy society is one in which all plague carriers are free to try to infect children in schools.”
    What can I say… when someone says they’re ‘religious’ or ‘christian’ or ‘believe in a god’ or give any other indication they have an imaginary friend, you should laugh in their face and tell them it’s fucking crazy. Don’t empower the crazy by being ‘respectful’. There’s nothing to respect.
    If we all laugh at these loons and call them out for the crazy fuckers they are it disempowers religion. It disempowers the idea that having an invisible friend is acceptable. If you disempower the idea you dismantle the money-stealing machine built around it.
    Remember kids, laugh in their face and call them fucking crazy. Every time.

    • rabbit_ears

      It won’t work though, jeebus has his holy fingers in their ears while they blather in tongues so they can’t hear you.

  • Ginger Snap

    I saw “Donkey Party” and was intrigued and started to get moist. I then came to my senses and realized it was just a crazy christian ranting again. There just aren’t enough Donkey Hung Guy Parties anymore, what’s a girl to do.

    • Ed Burrow

      Ginger, after the stupendously shitty day I had today, thanks for that comment. I definitely laughed.

      • Ginger Snap

        Donkey Party’s for all then 🙂

    • Don’t feel bad. My first thought upon reading “donkey party” was that Stone was referring to the Tijuana sex clubs he likes to frequent.

      • Mark Lewis

        Maybe he’s still feeling the effect of the Glint.

  • MDB

    Total whacko Assemblies of God – same as John Hagee and TBN Paul and Jan Crouch. I’m shocked that he didn”t include a money-beg for the trifecta !!

  • olandp

    Um, that Sodom story, you might want to re-read, or read for the first time, your Bible. You don’t have it right.

    • Um, yeah. The mob wanted to rape the angels, not Lot. Then Lot, being the fine, upstanding and morally righteous man he was said to be, offered his young virgin daughters to the mob to be raped. (#sarcasticsnark) The mob said no, we want those luscious alien-angels and made to break down Lot’s door, threatening to “do worse” than merely rape him for being a judgmental prig.

      The angels then struck the mob blind, showing they didn’t really need protecting at all, making the whole “Go on, rape my virgin daughters instead — I won’t mind” gesture utterly pointless. Then Yahweh revved up the smiting machine and killed everybody, because even the children and babies in Sodom and Gomorrah were judged guilty enough to be slaughtered, too.

      Later on, when Lot and the two daughters he was ready to betray had been living alone on a mountain for years, they got their revenge and raped him so they could have babies. One was named Moab who, through a long series of generations, was an ancestor of Ruth, the great-grandmother of David — who was said to be Jesus forebear.

      Anyway, in both Genesis and Ezekiel, it’s clear the sins of Sodom and Gomorrah were they were lazy, indolent, wasteful, and intolerant of travelers and guests. And the only prevailing thread of moral lesson throughout that particularly awful story was how it was deemed vitally important to take care of one’s guests no matter what personal sacrifice may be involved.

      However, no, for these latter-day dinks, it’s now always nothing but about Teh Buttseks — because taking care of guests, travelers and immigrants is the last thing they’d ever want to bestir their lazy, indolent, wasteful and intolerant asses to do.

      • olandp

        It is not sarcasm Becca, Lot was judged to be the most moral upright man in Sodom shortly before he offered up his virgin daughters to be raped by the mob.

        There are no contradictions in the Bible. (Not THAT is sarcasm!)

        • I know what you mean… I was just expressing my own disdain for this guy being offered up as a paragon of virtue.

          It’s consistent within the Bible, just not with the notions of modern civilization.

  • bambinoitaliano

    They are enough stupid people who would not loan you any money but as soon as you invoke jesus, they will throw money at you.

  • Patrick

    Dude relax, and just check your sources next time.

    And 15,000 shares on fb? At least 14K were folks saying “check this crazy shit out!”

  • Michael

    As a Christian, I apologize for this jack ass. He’s about as far from Jesus as a person can be.

    • NZArtist

      Hahaha, yeah, good one.

  • And the source of that crazy claim is who exactly??? Of course no such plan is being pushed but they just make up whatever they think will most scare their base into action.

  • Richard, another Canuck

    Not too likely with the republicans controlling both houses.

    • rabbit_ears

      Thats logic! Its an evil tool of the devil! Stop it right now and stop thinking. Just send tithes.

  • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

    I just posted this on his FB page:

    Sources, please. None? I didn’t think so…

  • Piet

    I’m beginning to understand why these preachers think they’re entitled to such large salaries. It has to be exhausting, having to prey on the paranoia of your unintelligent and ill educated followers all the time. What do they do for relief? (Besides have affairs and jet off to the Caribbean for vacations whenever they can, I mean.) It’s almost as though they were begging for a mercy fuck.

  • JaniceInToronto

    So would anyone care to estimate how many people actually believe this nonsense. Obviously he has a following, how many?
    This is just so very strange…

    • William

      I bet the coma ward tunes in daily.

  • ben-andy

    At which point the Supremes will become their saviors because they’d declare any such law passed by congress, even unanimously, unconstitutional under the 1st Amendment. Sheesh. Idiots.

  • Bob M

    simple math here… There are 247 Republicans, 188 Democrats and 0 Independents
    currently in the House. There are 44 Democrats, 54 Republicans and 2 Independents currently in the house. How the heck is the House going to pass anything with 100 votes and “numerous” (how ever many that is) in the Senate going to pass anything like that? We all know that even on a good day, neither chamber can get anything done as it is.

    • ben-andy

      Good point, Bob. 435 in the House. It takes 1/2+ so 218 is that magic number. Then you need 51 Senators [or the VP to break your tie, so that is generally still 51] + the President + 5 Supreme Court Justices to say the law isn’t Unconstitutional. 275 is the minimum number generally to f up the 1st Amendment or really ANY Amendment. We know this because we haven’t managed to get to that number on the SECOND Amendment, probably because those people have died in mass shootings in the past. Of course, to actually CHANGE the Constitution takes even more and is somewhat harder to calculate.

  • Stubenville

    Is there something in the water in Cleveland?

    • oikos

      Cuyahoga river didn’t catch fire by being clean back in the day. 🙂

  • Bill

    It is sad that a grown man would allow himself to become this.

    Soooooooooooo weak.

  • amati1684

    if only this were true…

  • Robert Stultz

    Ok, I’ve checked and rechecked my copy of the Gay Agenda, and I’m not seeing anything about this. Did I miss a memo?

  • Natty Enquirer

    Pastors are for sheep.

    • GanymedeRenard

      Exactly. And they do it very well – not talking about the wool cattle here.

  • 2amor

    Honestly, how do these idiots get through a day? You have to wonder can they walk, talk and breath all at once?

  • Dude. No. Step away from the hair gel and the mock turtle. It’s for you own good.

    Pro Tip: Gentleman, if that’s what your jacket looks like when you are wearing it…IT DOESN’T FIT.

    The preceding has a been a public service message from the Gay Agenda, Inc., sponsors of the Gay Lobby and The Big Gay Steamroller.

    • Traxley Launderette

      Would someone, somewhere, please explain why these guys — from tea baggers to right wing wackos to ammosexual gun nuts to fundie media spokeswhores — ALL have the same shapeless yet overgroomed 1997ish goatee-ish facial hair fetish? It’s not like it’s shaped to fit their individual faces. It’s like they cut a template out of a print copy of WND and traced it with a Sharpie, and then mowed around the edges until the got an even growth of about 3/8″ which they keep in check with a daily trim. So many angry big dumb white guys like this precious treasure have the same damn look.

      Don’t get me wrong — I prefer guys with facial hair. I really, really LIKE all kinds of facial hair. But guys like this aren’t even trying with this fuzzy donut thing.

      • I wore the goatee and mustache for many years, back when it *was* in style. Years ago. These guys are stuck in a time warp and it seems they don’t update their looks as the styles change. There’s a new bread of these mega church pastors with the hipster style, young, gym bunny, muscular, tattoos. The guy below is Steven Furtick. I’m not sure what dogma he follows, but I’m guessing his appearance appeals to the younger crowd. Hipster for Jesus. I wouldn’t be able to pay attention in one of his sermons. I would be too busy sinning.

        https://stevenfurtick.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/cover_0518.jpg

        https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B1iKLcBIYAEBBlH.jpg

        • Traxley Launderette

          I think you nailed it.

          Let’s watch Mr. Furtick here for the next 15 years or so and see how things proceed.

          I don’t mind if you don’t.

        • I’m sorry… I’m so bad. I read that as “Steven Fuckstick.”

          Now I can’t get it out of my brain.

        • Eebadee-eebadee-thatsallfolks

          Oh, I’m ab$olutely $ure he follow$ the $ame dogma a$ all the re$t of them.

        • GanymedeRenard

          Is this guy for real? He looks like he could be on a gay porn site any day of the week! I can read ‘circle jerk-off’ in his forehead! How long before a story emerges of him being caught ‘sinning’ not necessarily the way gawd intended?

        • William

          Have these tattooed pastors read the applicable passage in Leviticus?

        • olandp

          At least the used car salesman look has passed. I remember hearing the wife of a Pentecostal minister saying that “It isn’t fashionable for ministers to wear Rolex watches any more.” Later she got into her Lexus convertible and drove away. Self awareness isn’t a big thing with them.

      • clay

        You said it right there: “fuzzy donut”. They want to make their mouths look more like pussies.

        Now ask why that would be.

    • Cuberly

      The Cindy Jacobs Romulan line of grifterware.

    • clay

      And . . . is that . . . a sparkle rainbow for his background?

      Just . . .no.

  • Michael Smith

    “catastrophic natural disasters will be unleased”

    So God isn’t going to lease natural disasters?

    • oikos

      It was cheaper to buy them in bulk.

    • Traxley Launderette

      Shoulda talked to my pal Morty. He can get them for ya WHOLESALE.

      • Morty’s a scrub. You need to talk to his grandpa — Rick Sanchez. The old geezer can hook ya up with both natural and unnatural disasters of any desired magnitude.

        • Michael Smith

          Wubba lubba dub dub.

          • Oh, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do to ease the pain?

      • JCF

        LOL

    • It makes much more sense to buy rather than lease the disasters, given the excessive mileage these yahoos are sure to put on them.

      • William

        For better accounting do a sell – lease back scheme. That way it comes under the monthly current budget and not from the capital accounts.

  • Funny. I heard the biblethumpers have plans to come around screaming on street corners and knocking on people’s doors.

    • William

      That’s why I like living waaaaay out in the boonies. We don’t get any
      door-to-door religion. Last I checked, my house still isn’t on GPS.

  • rabbit_ears

    You know, these people are starting to make Scientology look tepid in contrast.

  • TexasBoy

    I thought bearing false witness was supposed to be a bad thing for Christians to do?

    • rabbit_ears

      Not sure its false witness. Witless witness for sure.

  • Traxley Launderette

    The real sin here is that mock turtleneck paired with that Alfred Dunner jacket he borrowed from great-aunt Trudee.

  • Much shorter version of Perry Stone: SEND ME UR MONEYZ NOW!!1!one!

  • Jan Wesselius

    Does Pat Robertson know he has competition?

    • Pat Robertson doesn’t know the flavor of the pudding he ate for breakfast this morning.

      • Traxley Launderette

        “Pudding.”

        Right.

        *winks*

        • LonelyLiberal

          One Evangelist, one cup.

        • Well, technically, “brown” and “pearly” aren’t flavor names.

  • Chris H.

    FYI….

    • Cuberly

      Wow, it’s his birth and palm Sunday all rolled into one!

      • GanymedeRenard

        Snap!

    • GanymedeRenard

      B.R.I.L.L.I.A.N.T!

  • Cuberly

    “God will change the game and the United States hedge will be removed…”

    Yeah, remove the hedge so they can get a good steamy gawk at my topiary.

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_7n3V7bnR9eI/Ruy0MWeAoAI/AAAAAAAAAYM/z1vHhjRax10/s400/topiary.jpg

    • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

      … and a Christopher Meloni-grade topiary it is. 😛

      • Cuberly

        No no no no no…I need that in marble. 😉

        • William

          Silicone.

  • 2patricius2

    The Democratic Party may be “the donkey party,” but this preacher is an ass.

  • ColdCountry

    Citations? Links? Never mind, I’ll just go back to my nap.

  • Sporkfighter

    “…that has the support over 100 House members and numerous Senators…”

    This guy can’t count. Over a hundred is far less than half of 535, and numerous Senators doesn’t sound like a filibuster proof majority. Nobody would propose such a stupid plan with so little chance of success. Well, nobody but the Tea Party trying to kill Obama Care.

  • Ben in Oakland

    The men of sodom, who were all leftists.

    It says right there in the Book of Outtamahbutte

  • jonfromcalifornia

    Another day another made up bullshit from these hateful evangelicals.

  • Lauchlan Bernard-Christopher M

    He thinks gays would want to use church premises for meetings? . Sorry pal , we’ve got better things to do than visit your pissy little House of Hate.

  • Hal Watts

    Bearing false witness is no longer a sin among the Teavangelicals.

    • TampaDink

      Not just no longer a sin…but a requirement.

    • LonelyLiberal

      I’m not sure it ever was.

  • Blake J Butler

    Again ? im not even gonna, the only thing I can conclude to his statement, is that immediately after he proceeded in “Eiffel towering” (urban dictionary) his congregation.

    https://media4.giphy.com/media/NDPDlhdzlm/giphy.gif

  • rabbit_ears

    Perry Stone, Patsy’s brother obviously.

    • But without an ounce of her incomparable fashion sense, sweetie-dahling.

      • rabbit_ears

        Well Patsy’s mother did give birth like a giant sprinkler, spraying bastard babies to the four corners of the Earth, according to Patsy’s sister Jackie.

        • Snarkaholic

          She WAS the ‘Slot Machine’!

  • Gregory Peterson

    Archbishop Tutu ‘would not worship a homophobic God’

    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-23464694

    • JCF

      Well “Heart of” Stone (head full of rocks) here sure as f#ck ain’t an Episcopalian (i.e., someone who acknowledges the sanctity of Our Desmond).

  • anne marie in philly

    go smoke a joint, perry. or take some xanax or something. here, hyperventilate into this bag. what, are you paranoid or something?

    • rabbit_ears

      I think he’s OD’ed already.

      • anne marie in philly

        bwhahahahahaha!

  • Eebadee-eebadee-thatsallfolks

    Dagnabbit, it was supposed to be a secret. How did he find out?

    • Michael McReavy

      Too many leaks in the homintern.

    • Obviously, somebody foolishly left their copy of “The Secret Gay Agenda” at the bar & dance club where Stone likes to do his “research.”

      Either that, or Stone is Rorschaching the cocktail napkin stains again.

      • Eebadee-eebadee-thatsallfolks

        You mean now they have people that can actually READ proposed legislation? If that’s the case, then we need to upgrade our security protocols.

  • garygdw

    I didn’t know Eugene had a little brother.

  • Jan Wesselius

    Lets just hope they homophobes don’t learn the secret handshake. That’s the basis of our world domination plan.

  • Taleisin

    So god blessed America for the genocide of an indigenous population,
    for some of the most brutal slavery practices in history, for being at war 93% of the time since it’s founding, But he will destroy it over gay marriage.

    • TampaDink

      Yup. The all loving, all vengeful, all knowing, & all powerful invisible sky daddy hates marriage equality more than war, slavery, or anything else and will cease operation of the universe any moment now…..or not.

      • Taleisin

        God reeeeally needs to get laid.

        • TampaDink

          If only he/she/it existed….that wouldn’t be a problem for an all powerful deity. Then again, neither would exterminating all of us horrible gay folks….who are created in his image. ☺

    • Dan Robinson

      It’s what he loves. Read his book. It’s all over that sort of stuff.

      • Taleisin

        I am sure you have heard that god only mentions homosexuality twice but the eating of shellfish 6 times.
        yet, I’m sure he won’t destroy us over a nice lobster dinner.

  • rabbit_ears
    • TampaDink

      Excellent.

    • William

      His face screams ‘Sociopath’.

      • LonelyLiberal

        It also screams “I get slapped by dick regularly while wearing my diaper.”

        Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course.

  • trouble94114

    well, I believe it would be safe to say that at least Perry hasn’t been squandering those $10, $15, $25 and even $50 dollar donations on bespoke suits and professional set designers

    • Boy Elvis

      Drugs and whores, I’m sure.

      • William

        Is Ted Haggerty’s hustler still on the job? I bet the poor fellow could use some work.

  • David

    Yup.. He’s obsessing over the huge throbbing swinging donkey penis….again….

  • geoffalnutt

    Didn’t Catherine The Great have some really freaky donkey kikis? That’s why she was called Great.

    • William

      Oh that again. The out-of-favor palace hangers on started that rumor. These days, the would be trolling Yahoo.

    • Moscow, Thursday:
      The Tsar and Tsarina returned from their honeymoon today. They declined to be interviewed, but our reporter noted that he kept calling her “Catherine the Great” and she called him “Ivan the Terrible”.

  • Randy503

    Meh. They said this would happen with the passage of the Hate Crimes Act. Never happened. They said it would happen with marriage equality. Hasn’t happened. They’ve been crying wolf for so long, only a Christian would believe it at this point.

  • William

    This bitch is gayer than I am!

  • Michael Abbett

    I think I saw most of “Donkey Party” back in the 80s, but I ran out of quarters.

  • Ore Carmi

    Yeah, because that sounds likely.

  • kaydenpat

    His writing is so poor — full of grammatical/spelling errors. He needs to focus on improving his writing skills instead of trying to gin up hysteria.

  • Dan Robinson

    Reminds me of the donkey party in Ezekiel….There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

    • Taleisin

      Sounds like porn.

  • Richard B

    I don’t think incarceration clergy is the intent if the legislation, but considering the profound harm and hateful messaging many churches historically have done towards the LGBT, particularly to young people, if locking up the most egregious clergy leaders tempers their messaging, I say wholeheartedly, go for it.

    • Reality.Bites

      There is no legislation, therefore it has no intent at all.

  • Skokieguy

    Perry, if your god can’t prevent the passage of laws, and this ain’t a huge task, since the potential laws you speak of don’t exist, then maybe its time to search for a better and more competent god?

    Also, if I throw a donkey party, you are totally not invited.

  • BearEyes

    yawn. the sky is not falling.

  • Steve Heath

    The ol’ Spirit of Jezebel doing it’s evil work here.

    Sounds like he may be blaming lesbians so maybe not aimed directly at you, Joe

    Side note — With that facial hair style resmblance, all you need is a receding hair wig and a tasteful burgundy jacket and you could rock Halloween as this guy…..thank me later

  • I would seriously love to point and laugh right in this moron’s face. Holy crap what a load of crazy#!

  • Thorn Spike

    He doesn’t seem gay at all.

  • rextrek1

    WHYYYY do these guys seem like such Obvious CLOSET cases…seriously, the guy looks as Gay as Christmas!

  • It’s amazing how these religious wackos can get away with saying things that they just made off as if they are well-documented facts. There is no plan and if there was it would be struck down by the courts unanimously. And he probably knows that but also knows that the idiots that follow him do not.

  • Dana Chilton

    It’s probably the case that he needs to see a mental health professional. Whats really unnerving, is that there are people who actually believe his illogical lunacy. His first line alone should alert you to the fact that his rant is nonsense. In any event, all the talk about prosecuting churches for thought crimes and taking away the rights of people to free speech and his not so subtle jabs at the justice department are not new.. We heard them in various contexts when federal hate crimes law was passed and when marriage was still a political issue and when DOMA was being debated and when DADT was being repealed…

  • Xuuths

    Liar. Hypocrite. Lunatic.

  • Octavio

    He needs to learn that the little voices in his head “alerting” him are not trust worthy.

  • greenmanTN

    Pardon me while I pull this straight out of my ass…..

  • Jerry

    “…catastrophic natural disasters will be unleased…”: Great, now I’ll have to try to find new renters for the hurricanes and earthquakes that I own. Maybe timeshare? Will see what listing on Craigslist does.

  • Mickey Bitsko

  • jomicur

    As a longtime enthusiast for televised Jesus shit, I can tell you that Stone is consistently one of the richest sources of comedy on the airwaves (second only to Rexella van Impe). If you are not sent into paroxysms of laughter by his wardrobe alone, you need to turn in your queer identity card.

  • B Snow

    I just posted to his fb page, asking if he’s aware that lying is both a sin and breaking one of the ten commandments. I’ll see if I get any replies.

  • Eric in Oakland

    “The majority of the politicians among these church haters that are intolerant to traditional religious beliefs…”

    Traditional religious beliefs like slavery, witch burning, forced conversion, child beating, censorship, etc. ?

  • JDM

    Really? What’s the name of this plan? Who are the Senators who support it? Let’s talk to them.

  • Happy Dance

    I think paranoia is a very disturbing mental disability to have to live with. It can eat away at you until you become completely irrational, and in some cases extremely violent. I, being a nurse, would highly recommend this man seek the help of a medical professional as soon as possible and get some therapy and medication. That’s the best I can do for this troubled soul.

    • McSwagg

      … and that is the ‘Elephant in the Room’ that no-one has mentioned.