Human DNA Found In 66% Of Vegetarian Hot Dogs

News sites are blowing up today with the latest linking of processed meat consumption and cancer rates, but THIS story is far more intriguing. Via USA Today:

Hot dogs are considered one of the most American foods. However, a report uncovers some startling findings on what people are really eating when they bite into a frankfurter. Clear Food analyzed 345 hot dogs and sausages from 75 different brands sold at 10 retailers and found that 14% had hygienic or substitution issues, according to the report. (Substitution means when ingredients are added to the product that are not displayed on the label and hygienic issues happen when a “non-harmful contaminant is introduced to the hot dog.”) The online food guide, which uses “genomic technology” to examine foods by ingredients, found human DNA in 2% of the samples, and in two-thirds of the vegetarian samples.”

It’s not clear what the source of the human DNA might be. More from CNN:

Clear Foods is a company that “translates quantifiable molecular tests into actionable food data insights,” according to its website. In English, that means it uses genetic sequencing to figure out just what’s in your lunch. Its results on hot dogs aren’t always comforting. Overall, the company found nutritional label inaccuracies, pork substitution and some unexpected ingredients, including chicken and lamb. On the other hand, Clear gave high marks to a variety of manufacturers, both national and regional. Butterball, McCormick, Eckrich and Hebrew National led among national brands, each with a score of 96 out of 100, based on Clear’s formula.

  • oikos
    • Dramphooey

      Oikos wins the race to post a Soylent Green graphic. Oh well.

      • oikos

        Growing up (before I knew what a douche CH was) I loved sci fi movies like this and the Omega man.

        • Dramphooey

          It’s a shame because he did fight for civil rights in the past but never for GLBT. I guess he’d have favored using us for food.

          • oikos

            or target practice.

          • clay

            He was a Christian and pushed Christian ideals in his fiction.

          • Gerry Fisher

            There’s a great line from “Sure of You,” by Armisted Maupin. One of the characters remarks, “Yeah, someone in the media decided that civil rights were heroic and LGBT rights were hedonistic.”

          • Spartacus

            But he do so much for the rights of us gay gun owners!

          • Jodie

            Isn’t it usually LGBT?? ; )

        • Rebecca Gardner

          I loved Omega man too. That was a childhood favorite of mine.

        • Gerry Fisher

          That furry chest was quite fascinating to this boy.

          • Cuberly
          • Bob Loblaw

            Woof!

          • Cuberly

            Definitely. Major crush on his as a kid.

          • Bob Loblaw

            That’s why I liked Beneath the Planet of the Apes. He was all kinds of almost naked in that one.

          • Cuberly

            Oh yeah…he he he..sweaty fuzzy mens running around in tattered jumpsuits…..um, what where we talking about….?

          • Mark

            Me too.

          • oikos

            I always though Franciscus was way hotter!

          • Cuberly

            Me too. 😉

          • NMNative

            Way much hotter.
            Charleton Heston looks like the PE coach all the less than athletic kids couldn’t’ stand.

        • If you liked “The Omega Man”, then you should check out the original “The Last Man on Earth” with the great Vincent Price.

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Man_on_Earth_%281964_film%29

          A really poor print is available on YouTube, but it’s worth tracking down the BluRay HiDef version

          • oikos

            Thanks. I’ve seen that one multiple times as well.

      • Merv99

        I think Joe won, if you look at his pic.

        • Dramphooey

          Oh, that doesn’t count. It’s all about the comments, baby!

    • crewman

      If you’ve seen Cloud Atlas…

      • oikos

        I have not seen that.

      • Sam_Handwich

        i tried reading that book, didn’t make it very far

        maybe i’ll check out the movie tho

      • kladinvt

        A great book!

    • Doug105

      Someones been drinking(and spilling) on the job again.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeDeq1mF_18&index=102&list=WL

      • BearEyes

        “frothy goodness”?

      • clay

        Blinky!

      • ZhyKitty

        OMG OMG Normally, this would be funny… but I have the flu (I’m past the worst of it) so when he chugged from that can….blargh….by the time they got to the cartoon stomach with the little sperms, the result was hard core retching instead of giggling.
        Thankfully, I’ve had nissen surgery, so I can’t actually vomit, but my body just gave it it’s best shot! lololol

        I’ll have to see the rest of this one another day! lmao

    • Paula

      We all knew this day was coming.

    • perversatile

      Soylent Green is…Poodles!

    • Speaking of Chuck Heston, I wonder if they ever managed to pull the gun out of his cold, dead hands.

    • Joe knows who I am.

      No one makes dead bodies like Charlton Heston did!

    • Webslinger
  • Blake Jordan

    While I do like human meat in my mouth (😉), I do not chew it or swallow it…

  • Sam_Handwich

    human DNA? is that because of handling issues?

    • Blake Jordan

      Frustrated employees jerking off into the mix???

    • Dagoril

      And here you were not taking those Sodomite Semen Latte stories seriously!

  • bkmn

    Buy food you can identify, from known sources. It is called common sense. You can’t trust the big food conglomerates who favor profits over anything else.

    • bJason

      I heard it generally put once as buy food from against the walls of the grocery store. Saving a few exceptions, food in the aisles is processed crap.

  • billbear1961

  • Baby Dave

    This is totally true. So many guys up here are vegetarian, and every time I suck one of them off, I get human DNA in my mouth.

    • LonelyLiberal

      They don’t spew pureed cauliflower instead?

    • Dan Robinson

      Hmm…do vegetarians swallow? Just wondering…

  • oikos
    • GayOldLady

      LOL!!! It matters little what’s in them, we love them anyway!

      • David Walker

        I love hot dogs and, Lisa notwithstanding, I shall continue to enjoy them. What I was fearful of as a young ‘un was what we called “mystery meat.” It was always given some nondescript, noncommittal name, and usually there was more breading than “meat.”

        • ZhyKitty

          Which a wise child scraped back to make sure there were no bumps and someone wasn’t trying to pass off tongue as something edible. I have never swallowed a single bite of cow’s tongue nor mystery meat, even if it meant falling asleep at the table hungry.
          Of course, I was also willing to sleep at the table over stuffed bell peppers, stuffed cabbage, and turnip greens – all of which I now love.

          When I had children, I would inevitably shoot my mouth off and say “You will not leave this table until you eat that!” which, I never meant, because I am not the mean-ass hag my own mother was, but I am bad about letting things slip out of my mouth before I think. Thankfully, the children’s Godmother or father was always willing to wait until I left the room, eat all of the children’s veggies (I knew this was happening) and I could send my children from the table with a happy “Good girl/boy! You may be excused!”…having still saved face…..

          • David Walker

            One time at a family feast, my very young twin nephews were getting antsy and wanted to leave the table without eating everything on their plates. I, just for the hell of it, said something about not leaving the table until they cleaned their plates. Apparently I accompanied that with a stern look and they ate everything. That happened maybe one or two more times, and all I’d have to do was look at them. I thought it was hysterical…until I found out that my sister was using me as a threat. The boys wouldn’t finish eating and she’d say, “Do I have to call uncle Dave?” And when things got particularly serious, she’d actually walk to the phone and pick it up and start dialing. I was, frankly, shocked when they first told me that, many years later. My sister shrugged. “You do what you have to.”

          • ZhyKitty

            LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!

            Mean Uncle Dave!!!! lololol I can hardly picture children being scared of you, you seem so sweet…but I guess you can make good scary faces! I LOVE this story!!!! lolololol

          • David Walker

            I was still working on my stern teacher face, just in case I ever got a job teaching. (Never did.) It was a stare over the top of my glasses. It worked.

          • ZhyKitty

            Ah….the over the top of the glasses glare! A classic!
            That is always part of my children’s impersonations of me!

          • David Walker

            Hey…you can’t beat the classics.

      • noni

        Some have nice spices

  • Michael Rush
  • Funbud

    Years ago, that wingnut John Stossel did a report on how hot dogs are made. The only part I remember (it was a highlight) was a worker walking around the huge vat of churning hot dog innards and pouring in a massive bucket of salt. It did give one pause.

    That being said, I still eat hot dogs on occasion, usually Hebrew National.

    • TampaDink

      If elected, would Bernie be our National Hebrew?

    • Hue-Man

      I toured a sausage factory as part of my job many years ago. What disturbed me was the amount of bone that was permitted in hot dogs and sausages, resulting from the butchering of carcasses using meat saws. This is not to be confused with “pink slime” which is a separate issue.

      • LonelyLiberal

        I’m German, if we can’t put it in an animal intestine, we don’t eat it.

        I’ve had scrapple for cripe’s sake!

      • Stev84

        There is that saying about better not knowing how the sausage is made

        • JCF

          …along w/ laws.

      • William

        Rick Perry said that Pink Slime is food.

        • TampaDink

          Rick Perry is pink slime…with glasses & pending legal woes.

      • noni

        I hate biting into bits of bone. I don’t use hamburger anymore. I just buy steak and cut into small pieces to simulate hamburger.

        I’m also gonna give up sausage and hotdogs, maybe an occasional Hebrew National.

    • HoneyBoySmith

      Interesting fact: reduced fat Hebrew National dogs taste EXACTLY like their full fat cousins.

      I honestly can’t tell the difference between them.

    • LonelyLiberal

      That doesn’t bother me too much, if the amount was measured to be accurate then that’s that. It’d be like not using my soap because you saw me pick up a large pot of rendered oil and dump it into the soaping pot after skimming off the meat bits.

  • TampaDink

    This makes the statement “I’d like to eat a wiener.” mean so much more.

    • LonelyLiberal

      Oh I wish I had Oscar Meyer’s weiner…

      • TampaDink

        It might be dehydrated since he’s been dead for 60 years…but perhaps you know a living O.M. whose meat is delicious.

  • billbear1961
    • JCF

      OK, who else here read the above as “Morning Wood”?

  • Cuberly
    • oikos

      That is disturbing. 😉

      • Cuberly

        Even more so if you saw the episode, yeesh, dude is one scary/crazy m’fer.

        • LonelyLiberal

          It’s weird, but this world seems to feature more than its fair share of psychotics.

          • Joe knows who I am.

            You’re talking about Game Of Thrones, aren’t you.

          • LonelyLiberal

            That, too. 🙂

      • james_from_cambridge

        Disturbingly hot!

    • Gerry Fisher

      This got a *prolonged* LOL out of me.

      • Cuberly

        🙂

  • Dramphooey

    I’ve taken a liking to Morning Star Farms Veggie Buffalo Wings so this gives one pause. Considering the economic downturn in Buffalo, NY I could imagine them processing some of the locals.

  • LonelyLiberal

    I see that my concept of “semen hotdogs” has caught on. It can join the semen latte.

    You’re welcome.

    • TampaDink

      I was hoping that your concept involved the condom-mints.

      • LonelyLiberal

        I tried a mint condom once. Tasted OK, I suppose.

        But talk about chewy and hard to swallow! I’d never serve them to guests.

        • TampaDink

          You can’t please every guest every time.

          • Ragnar Lothbrok

            But you can TRY 🙂

          • TampaDink

            I’ll be a happy man if I die trying.

  • PLAINTOM

    And you thought you had just lost contact with your old college friends.

  • Robert Rhea

    Lets be honest – Hot Dogs were never more than lips and assholes ground up and stuffed in a sausage casing.

    That said, The food labelling laws in this country are horrendous and the republitards are only opting to make it worse. There is no uniform labelling rules and no accountability for what you put on your label. Big Food spends bazillions every time a state tries to deregulate and always wins. Money talks and we keep shoveling in whatever they sell.

    • William

      Much of the stuff that was labeled as “Meat by-products” in dog food 40 years ago has graduated over to the dinner table.

  • outerLoper

    Consensus is that this study is a pile of BS, just free publicity for the shady “research” firm conducting it. Might want to adjust the headline.

  • Suzan Cooke

    Yummy Vegetarian hotdogs made from real vegetarians.

    • PLAINTOM

      Truth in Advertising ? 🙂

      • Leo Tallant
        • DRoseDARs

          Strange, for some reason I desire Tombstone pizza.

        • Duh-David

          If olive oil is made from olives and corn oil is made from corn … from what is baby oil made?

  • billbear1961

    I think of this film every single time climate change is discussed, every single time I think of the looming environmental catastrophe.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvxpETbsn08

    “I told you!”

    “How could I know? How could I ever imagine?”

    Heston’s character isn’t old enough to remember the world when it was beautiful.

    • LonelyLiberal

      Fortunately, we do remember and the world is still beautiful. Let’s keep it that way.

      I always found the Soylent Green concept a bit over the line, though. Once a society is cannibalizing people to feed others–the Kilkenny Cats method (http://www.mamalisa.com/?t=hes&p=1390&l=T )–said society is no more than a few years from complete and utter collapse.

      Granted, it’s not implied that the other Soylents are made of people, so perhaps this is just a meat-based alternative and there’s just barely enough food, but it really doesn’t bode well at all.

      • billbear1961

        The other Soylents are soy products, probably.

        In any case, the film implies they’re “innocent.” (I looked quickly, and online it says they’re a combination of soy and lentils.) They also talk about harvesting plankton from the world’s oceans. Only, a study Heston gets hold of reveals the oceans are dying–everything is. There’s nothing left–or won’t be very soon–except dead bodies to make food from.

        CJ–who began professional life as a biologist–tells me there wouldn’t be enough nutrients in Soylent Green–all by itself–to keep people alive and healthy for very long.

        I don’t think the world’s fascists are going to LET us save the world, LL.

        There’s increasing evidence we’ve reached a tipping point.

        The permafrost is melting and will release monumental amounts of methane into the atmosphere.

        The Greenhouse Effect will quickly spiral wildly out of control.

        • William

          Don’t let the name put you off. I’ve been thinking of ordering it.
          https://www.soylent.com/product/drink/

          • billbear1961

            Soylent in a bottle!

            :O

          • William

            It’s much more handy than gnawing on unwanted relatives.

          • billbear1961

            Drinking them instead!

            =8o

          • clay

            I’m already used to drinking to my relatives.

          • I used to drink because of my relatives

          • clay

            same diff?

          • I dunno doll, sounded to me like you were toasting them…are they that wonderful?!
            I don’t drink alcohol anymore so I’m reduced to trying to ignore them

          • clay

            I’m toasting that they’re 1200 miles away. Does that count?

          • Joe knows who I am.

            The bones are more processed.

  • Mark

    Well it’s not like I would be buying a pack of hotdogs for nutrition or health! I do it for the memories…..especially the jumbos….

  • MattM

    Whereas most of us consume human DNA for free…….

  • KT

    I read one of the fear mongering articles about the WHO’s completely overblown warning that eating processed meat increases cancer risks. Apparently the increase went from 6 out of every 100 people developing colorectal cancer to 7 out of every 100 people. 7 people is too maybe but not exactly a health crisis. Every day it seems there is a new article that suggests that this and that will lead to increase in cancer. The fact of the matter is that cancer sucks and there are dozens of varieties – some of which are impossible to prevent or already prevalent in our family genetic code. Cancer is already scary enough without WHO scaring people into thinking they are going to get cancer for enjoying an occasional slice of bacon.

    • Gest2016

      I think we should focus on MONSANTO and all the proven carcinogens they are pumping into vegetable crops as the most immediate and dangerous threat to human health.

    • Friday

      Not that really people wouldn’t do well to eat less processed meat and a smaller quantity of something better, generally. I sure can’t afford to but it really is just better that way. (I mean, I eat like a bird but it does seem that people get quantity rather than quality, tend to turn up their noses at organ meats, etc, etc. (Except in mah gravy, mind you. ) ….and generally might be better off doing meat properly. 🙂

    • Mark_in_MN

      A few years ago there was a British study out making this connection between processed meats and cancer, which was breathlessly reported by the BBC. I took a look and worked out some numbers, and it turned out that the risk they reported amounted to a few handfuls more British residents being diagnosed with colon cancer during their lifetimes, provided that they ate a quite large quantity of processed meets every stinking day. These things almost always get overhyped in this same vein.

      • William

        There were similar reports way back in the 1970s. Most news is recycled.

  • Gest2016

    I’m not too worried. If all the human DNA coming from hot-dog shaped things going in my mouth hasn’t killed me yet, I’ll probably be ok.

  • Ore Carmi

    Oh, would people relax! Human DNA–mostly our own, but also that of our housemates and various people who have handled our produce–is in everything we eat. Our DNA is everywhere.

    • clay

      (ChickenMan!) He’s everywhere! He’s everywhere!

    • Friday

      It’ll probably be from hair, skin cells, etc. When they make like a veggie dog or something they’re still taking a great volume of produce probably picked and handled by hand, and compacting it into a small item. 🙂

    • LonelyLiberal

      My thighs are falling! My thighs are falling!

      (Well, that’s age related and I think I got the quote wrong…)

  • LovesIrony

    his last words were, “Eat me”

  • tcinsf

    I am VERY suspicious of these “tests”. I always thought you had to be quite careful with Dna tests to ensure samples weren’t adulterated. How can something like a hot dog, an extremely processed emulsification, be a viable source for dna testing? Also, who is this group ?? All I could find on them was a Kickstarter campaign. Who’s really funding them, what’s their real agenda. I smell bs, and that requires no testing.

    • LonelyLiberal

      One does wonder, since DNA doesn’t survive the heating process well…and hot dogs are pre-cooked. And contain a lot of salt, nitrates, and other chemicals that are not DNA’s friend. Which is why we use them.

      Not that you shouldn’t reheat them, you should. Contamination is entirely possible post-processing.

      • tcinsf

        Oh, no, dear boy, didn’t you see the other study out today, processed meats cause cancer, so we aren’t supposed to eat even non-human, reheated hotdogs

        • LonelyLiberal

          Tish-tosh. Oxygen causes cancer.

          What, they’re going to lie around on their death beds, dying of nothing in particular?

  • madscntst

    Hebrew National – they answer to a higher authority…

    • Sam_Handwich

      Hot God

      • Friday

        I see what you did there. 🙂 Actually pretty good stuff, short of getting fancy deli hot dogs (I never thought the thick casing on those was any kind of feature, actually. When I want a hot dog I usually want something like from a ballpark or pushcart. 🙂 )

  • greenmanTN

    Look at the bright side! If there ever is a zombie attack, just feed them vegetarian hot dogs.

  • Gerry Fisher

    I thought we had societal agreement never, EVER to talk about what goes into hot dogs (or sausages)?!

  • CityWOOF

    Frank in furter!

  • Riceyal

    I think the headline is wildly inaccurate despite faithfully quoting the original, otherwise the math doesn’t check out.

    In one place the report says, “Clear Food found human DNA in 2% of the samples, and in 2/3rds of the vegetarian samples” but in another place, “Human DNA found in 2% of samples. 2/3 of the human DNA samples were vegetarian products.”
    Note these two aren’t equivalent. The first is simply impossible given the numbers: they had 345 samples total and 21 vegetarian samples. The 2% with human DNA has to be 6-8 samples. But “2/3rds of vegetarian samples” is 14. More likely, the second phrasing is correct: 6 out of 345 samples had human DNA and 4 of those were vegetarian. That would account for 19% of vegetarian samples, not 66%.

    • Eric in Oakland

      Assuming that the human DNA is from mishandling, it makes sense that there would be more in vegetarian products than in meat products. Meat manufacturing requires USDA oversight, which requires far more sanitary precautions.

  • sandy

    hot dogs are common

    • Octavio

      And hamburgers are what? Royalty?

      • sandy

        no, they’re kind of common, too.

        i dunno, i don’t eat mammals.

  • Spongebob CrankyPants

    “News sites are blowing up today” That’s an overly dramatic assessment. A few news site are talking about it but I would hardly call it “blowing up”.

    • fuow

      Hmm, Huffington Post led with it and Slate was kinda big, too.

  • And don’t forget, two to four percent of that human DNA is neanderthal.

    • LonelyLiberal

      I find them gamey. Although I am the reason that the last of them is extinct, of course.

      • Oh, I thought it was gay marriage. Well, then. I feel better.

  • chasmader

    I’m sticking with Hebrew National’s-their advertising is correct. They’re a little on the salty side though

  • NZArtist

    Miggins: Ah, well, I’ve got just the fellow for you — over there by the window: The Comte de Frou Frou.

    [Shot of Frou Frou holding — and looking oddly at — a huge suspicious-looking sausage.]

    Miggins: He’s pretty down on his luck, and he’s made that horse’s willy last all morning.

    Edmund: Oh, good. Baldrick, we have struck garlic!

    [Edmund and Baldrick approach Frou Frou. Edmund scrapes leftovers off of Frou Frou’s table onto a plate, then offers the plate to Baldrick.]

    Edmund: Now you can some lunch, Baldrick.

    Baldrick: Thank you. [leaves the coffee shop]

    Edmund: [addresses Frou Frou] Le Comte de Frou Frou, I believe…

    Frou Frou: [looks up] Eh?

    Edmund: [sitting at the table] Do you speak English?

    Frou Frou: A little…

    Edmund: Yes, when you say “a little,” what exactly do you mean? I mean, can we talk? or are we going to spend the rest of the afternoon asking each other the way to the beach in very loud voices?

    Frou Frou: Ah, no. I can, er, order coffee, deal with waiters, make sexy chit-chat with girls — that type of thing.

    Edmund: Oh, good.

    Frou Frou: Just don’t ask me to take a physiology class or direct a light opera.

    Edmund: No, no, I won’t. [propositioning] Now, listen, Frou Frou … Would you like to earn some money?

    Frou Frou: No, I wouldn’t. I would like other people to earn it and then >giveyou< to be that Frenchman. All you have to do is come to the embassy with me, say that I rescued you, and then walk away with fifty guineas and all the vol-au-vents you can stuff in your pockets. What do you say?

    Frou Frou: It will be a pleasure! If there's one thing we aristocrats enjoy, it's a fabulous partie! Oh, the music! Oh, the laughter! Oh — if only I'd brought my mongoose costume…

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    Non-harmful contaminants in a bun – YUM !

  • billbear1961

    Enjoy real food while it lasts.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQQ6wNfkcmc

  • Well, it’s going to be cooked, so IDEK if mass hysteria is called for. Also, I’m under the impression that we shed copious amounts of DNA by just going through our daily lives. The tests we have now are more sophisticated than in years past so maybe they’re sensitive to minute amounts of DNA. I don’t think any one pulled a “Fried Green Tomatoes” disappearing act, but really, who knows?

    • billbear1961

      Candidate Handwich is offering voters HONEY, candidate Jalapeño!

      • Honey? So he’s robbing hard working bees of their food source so he can win an election? SMDH Wait until I call PETA.

        • Sam_Handwich

          If the Lord Almighty had intended for bees to eat honey, he would have also given them tea!

          Candidate Jalapeno is a Blasphemer!

    • Cuberly

      Man-o-man, how many times have they warned Earl to stay away from the hotdog mixer when he’s hung over from the night before.

      http://media.giphy.com/media/xX4vT5fstZ3SU/giphy.gif

  • DutchBoy74

    Must be that Yelper Special
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDlR_ccnZww

    • Twinsies!

      Good thing I looked before posting.

  • Megrim Twist

    The phrase “eat me” comes to mind. No, seriously .. eat … *me* …

  • 2guysnamedjoe

    Wait ’til Harlem Hate Pastor James David Manning hears about this!
    “First it was Starbucks lattes! Now the Sodomites are spill their sinful seed into God’s sacred hot dogs!”

  • Mark_in_MN

    So, how exactly did they define “human DNA” was it bits of DNA sequences that are known only to exist in humans (which is but a tiny part of the human genome)? Or was it merely bits of DNA that also match the human genome, in which case there are many possible sources.

  • Slippy_World

    OK if this woman had also used the Johnsonville Brats at Walmart -that could explain the human DNA in the test subjects ….

    http://jlocks.newsvine.com/_news/2015/10/23/34522338-woman-arrested-for-masturbating-with-jimmy-dean-sausage-in-walmart-bathroom

    • Sam_Handwich

      of course, i had to go and click on it

      omg

      • William

        From now on, you’re a patty man.

        • clay

          What makes you think it wasn’t one of those plastic 1 lb. tubes?

          • William

            Oh! My delicate, innocent little brain didn’t even consider that possibility.

          • noni

            or a 5 lb.

          • clay

            Well, it was a Walmart . . .

    • 2guysnamedjoe

      “No, officer, I am not shoplifting! As soon as I’m done, I’m putting them right back on the shelf.”

    • William

      That poor security guard, he’s scarred for life.

    • clay

      . . . and people worry about the mentally ill getting guns!

    • noni

      Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean Jimmy Dean.

  • Bj Lincoln

    I seldom eat hot dogs or any processed meat, but get them for my father-in-law who will eat them every day if I let him. I am NEVER going to touch another one again.

  • Dreaming Vertebrate

    In a related report, lab results show absolutely no trace of human DNA in either Rand Paul’s or the Donald’s hair samples.
    Trump’s is 100% Mexican alpaca fur, while Paul’s is a perfect match for rabid wolverine fur harvested during the frenzied mating season.

  • Jan Wesselius

    Maybe it’s a bunch of ex Starbucks employees working at the vegan plants.

    • Helen Damnation

      Yup. from Harlem.

  • Xuuths

    So even Hebrew National got 4% wrong? Perhaps this human DNA is people spitting in the vats? Fingernails?

    • Dreaming Vertebrate

      My guess is sloughed skin cells. We leave a cloud of such particles wherever we walk.
      These tests nowadays are extremely precise.

      • Octavio

        What do you think Mohels do with all those foreskins? Think about it.

        • Dreaming Vertebrate

          Skin cells,- not foreskin cells!

        • LonelyLiberal

          I thought they made wallets. The sort that become suitcases when you rub them.

      • noni

        Dandruff, hair, missing fingers. One guy was cooked whole in a vat of tuna. I do hope they got rid of the batch, but a whole vat would cause deadline and “just in time” inventory issues.

        … Jose Melena was performing maintenance in a 35-foot-long oven at the company’s Santa Fe Springs plant before dawn Oct. 11, 2012, when a co-worker, who mistakenly believed Melena was in the bathroom, filled the pressure cooker with 12,000 pounds of canned tuna and it was turned on…

        http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2015/04/28/bumble-bee-foods-tuna-worker-cooked/26517161/

  • Bob Loblaw
    • LonelyLiberal

      I always hated the China-based Soylent Green. An hour later you’re hungry again.

  • Octavio

    Did they test for chicken lips? I don’t eat hot dogs because I refuse to eat chicken lips. All hot dogs have ground up chicken lips in them.

    • noni

      Chicken beaks and feathers.

  • Joe

    Butt cancer or Cannibalism? You decide.

  • RKitty01

    It’s hot dogs. I doubt anyone really knows what goes into them. Who in the hell wants a vegetarian hot dog anyway? Eat a salad.

  • Glen

    This is why I only eat Soylent Blue.

  • Gindy51

    Has Hannibal Lecter been running these companies?

    • Maybe, I think it is more likely some ‘cream filling’.

  • bambinoitaliano

    I prefer sausage anyway 🙂

  • EqualityForAll

    I thought extracting the DNA was the whole point of slobbering on a wiener. Am I missing something here?

    • Ed Burrow

      It definitely is for some of us…

  • noni
  • Nic Peterson

    I’ll stick with my semen lattes, thank you. At least I have some control over the quantity and quality of the ingredients.

  • kladinvt

    Another reason to avoid processed foods, whether vegetarian or meat-based.

  • houstonray

    The frak??

  • Natty Enquirer

    You’re all missing the real news here. We now have SOLID PROOF that people are marrying their animals!

  • sach2

    I like Hebrew National Knockwurst. I hope they aren’t on the list. A hotdog is good once in a while. I used to love the ones out of the hotdog carts in NYC with some sauerkraut but I’m Just a little afraid of them boiling water withstanding.

  • Brian Moore

    This isn’t the reason why I don’t eat hot dogs, but now I’ve got a whole new excuse 🙂

  • secretlab

    The article’s bullet point that ‘2/3s of vegetarian samples contained human DNA’ is contradicted elsewhere in the data. 2/3s of the human DNA containing samples were veggie products, but only 2% of the products overall contained human material. Still, someone’s squirtin’ in the soybeans, Madge.

  • Mark Lewis

    So you can’t call yourself a vegan if you swallow? Is that what they’re implying? I think we should respect a vegan’s right to choose what they do with their own body. 😛