Rick Perry To Drop Out Of 2016 Race

Oops! Also: What took so long?

  • Jude Newton

    Breaking? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

  • pickypecker
  • Rocketeer500

    Those glasses make him look so smart.

    • CCleverly

      His glasses would be more impressive if they had lenses in them.

      • TampaDink

        At least he had the foresight to remove the giant fake nose & mustache.

      • AtticusP

        And more impressive still if they didn’t have Rick Perry behind them!

    • Wesinoregon

      They are available from the dollar store.

    • e jerry powell

      Not smart enough to read his pathetic poll numbers and stop wasting everybody’s time.

    • McSwagg
  • Trevor Brown

    Who? Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Bye Felicia. Etc.

    • Henri205

      Don’t let the door hit ya where evolution split ya. Buh bye, Ricky. Now don’t be stopping in Oak Lawn on your way back to Austin.

  • oikos

    Sadz

    • AtticusP

      Jinx! Posted the same thing below.

      • oikos

        Great minds and all that. 🙂

        • AtticusP

          Without a doubt! 🙂

      • kcken

        You can NEVER have enough STEVE PERRY! 😀

        (although I might be a biased former Canadian)

        • Bruno

          Are you suggesting that Steve Perry is Canadian?

          • kcken

            Oh heck no, but he OWNED the airwaves up there for YEARS and YEARS…

          • Bruno

            Ah OK. Carry on then, eh?

          • kcken

            From last year, pretty good for someone in his 60’s

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=52&v=Ip4F9fGHZ00

          • Bruno

            Definitely huskier…kind of a rough song for him to attempt in that respect, but he does pretty well with it considering.

        • LovesIrony

          2 songs were more than enough when they warmed up for the Stones.

        • TreGibbs

          I love Steve Perry.

    • JT
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    • Webslinger

      Rick Perry may have dropped out of the raise but he can still raise money…

      Perry will technically suspend his campaign, enabling him to continue raising money to cover the costs he has incurred on the trail.

      Perry is the first of 17 official Republican presidential candidates to drop out.

      http://www.cbsnews.com/news/rick-perry-drops-out-of-2016-presidential-race/

      http://www.quickmeme.com/img/f2/f23d8364ccb8dba6dfa3ab71989ae7aa8930c15cb730da81c89c943d8f876f5b.jpg

  • AtticusP

    Steve Perry 2016!

    • kcken

      LMFAO…

      You should’ve been gone
      Knowing how I made you feel
      And I should’ve been gone
      After all your words of steel
      Oh, I must’ve been a dreamer
      And I must’ve been someone else
      And we should’ve been over

  • TK in GBC TX

    Please don’t send him back to Texas. Keep him up north.

  • TampaDink

    This will open up the opportunity for him to focus on his pending felony charges.

  • Toasterlad

    Disappointed “Oops” didn’t also appear as a tag.

    If he’s feeling generous, maybe he can lend his smart-guy glasses to Rubio. That guy is dumb as a box of hair.

  • anne marie in philly

    bwhahahahahahahahaha! no, miss ricky, the glasses did not help ya!

  • kcken

    Breaking: Rick Perry discontinues 2008 presidential run after suddenly realizing it’s 2015

    • OdieDenCo

      Oops!

  • Outlaw Woman

    At least Donald Trump (who will NOT attend the Vision America Iowa hate conference) sees the writing on the wall …
    any ‘publican who has associated themselves with the fundie right-wing in the past is doing shitty in the polls now.

    Perry is just the first domino to fall over the next 30 days.

    • Hue-Man

      Dumb-ino?

  • LonelyLiberal

    Alas, we barely knew ye. Granted, what little we knew, we hated, and the rest didn’t really bode that well either, but we barely knew ye.

    You can get rid of the glasses now. They don’t make you look smarter.

  • SunsetGay

    A Republican “pulling out.”

    Words you don’t hear often! Right Bristol Palin, Duggar Family, and Kim Davis?

    • Outlaw Woman

      Heh

    • LonelyLiberal

      Republicans pull out all the time! They pull out of fair deals, attempts to balance budgets, wars when public opinion shifts, and so on.

      They just can’t pull out of the vag ’cause that a sin.

      • Neely OHara

        Alaskan governorships…

      • WNY
        • bkmn

          That is Rick’s mantra when he spends an evening at the rest stop off of I-35.

          • KCMC

            Waco?

        • another_steve

          Thirty upvotes to you, WNY, and anyone who posts a Monty Python video here on JMG.

    • RaygunsGoZap

      In case anyone misses the above references, here’s an handy two-pronged decoder:

      BRISTOL – referring either to her foot from mouth (see Palin, Sarah) or innumerable cocks from her babyhole

      DUGGARS – referring either to Daddy Duggar from Mommy Duggar’s litter slit or Josh Duggar’s (see Perkins, Tony) fingers from a 5 year old

      KIM DAVIS – referring to Kim’s own head from her ample ass (see Hell, Going To) or, again, that head from any troff

    • LovesIrony

      Josh Duggar repeatedly pulled his finger out of his sisters’ vaginas.

  • BeaverTales

    1 dumbass down, 18 to go.

  • He had to drop out. He’s become allergic to the nose glue.

    https://c1.staticflickr.com/7/6082/6045987092_4f82774ce0_b.jpg

    • AtticusP

      A little song,
      A little dance,
      A little seltzer
      Down your pants.

      • pickypecker

        ahh, poor Chuckles. May he rest in peace.

        • AtticusP

          Or pieces, as I seem to recall…damned rogue elephant!

          Wouldn’t have happened had it been a donkey.

          • pickypecker

            that was such a hilarious episode.

          • AtticusP

            One of my favorites. On par with Phyllis’ Lars and his affair with the Happy Homemaker.

          • William

            Sue Ann’s bedchamber… so shocking for my young mind. .

          • Robincho

            That’s rouge elephant to you…

      • Anastasia Beaverhousen

        He was shelled to death by an elephant when he was dressed as Peter Peanut

        • olandp

          I had forgotten that, thanks for the memory!

    • People4Humanity

      Louie Gohmert is threatening not to run again, too. I wonder what’s going on behind the scenes?

      • bkmn

        $160K is nothing compared to what loobbyists can make.

  • Duh-David

    For Halloween, I’m going to go as a Republican, if I can just get my head up my ass. I already have the smart glasses.

  • Toasterlad

    I have to think that Jindal is next.

    • Eebadee-eebadee-thatsallfolks

      I’m surprised Pataki is still in.

    • another_steve

      Me too.

      From the perspective of the Republican base: Wrong skin color!

  • LonelyLiberal

    The last to pull out even though the field is hopeless? My bet is on Huckabee. He needs the cash.

    • another_steve

      Agree.

      He and Cruz are competing for the $5 and $10 dollar contributions from the 90-year-old widows and widowers in Iowa.

  • David L. Caster

    Perry drops out of the GOP race to get into another one: the race to book speaking and book tours ahead of the later drop-outs.

  • Michael Rush

    He could have just set his eyeglasses on a podium and see how they did .

    • Eebadee-eebadee-thatsallfolks

      That’s an excellent idea for the next GOP convention: a pair of glasses debating an empty chair.

      • Michael Rush

        it could go better than this …

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLgj7b7hZXs&t=1m27s

        • another_steve

          Oh lord, that was so sad. So sad.

          Is the boy still alive?

          He gave me so many erections when I was a young queerling.

          • Michael Rush

            Charlton Heston running through the field in Planet Of The Apes turned you gay .

          • another_steve

            Ohmigod that is so astute of you, Michael. How could you possibly have known that?

            When Heston went all Jesus and guns, I was heartbroken.

          • Steverino

            Yes, Clint’s alive and doing well.

            Too bad about that stunt at the GOP convention three years ago, because actually he is an old-fashioned, live-and-let-live California libertarian, more so than conservative. Socially progressive and gay friendly. And his talented jazz musician son Kyle is a hunk-a-hunka-burnin’ love, honey (a chip off the old block). Kyle is performing this weekend at the annual Russian River Jazz and Blues Festival in Guerneville (Northern California’s Sonoma County wine country), but hubby and I didn’t get tickets this year, dammit.

            But Clint seems to be coated with teflon, he’ll do gaffs like this and be involved with movies that flop, but he manages to survive and thrive in Hollywood, and on the Carmel Peninsula (where the venerable Doris Day still lives).

          • another_steve

            Thanks for the update, Steve.

            A talented man who’s made a large contribution to contemporary cinema.

  • MattM

    Now Rick has the time and donor cash to do the things he loves: getting topped by rentboys and buying new frames for his “smart” glasses.

    • another_steve

      Okay.

      The first part of that gave me an erection.

      • MattM

        The first step is admitting you have a problem.

    • Steverino

      I suppose he’s tired of making a spectacle out of himself.

      • MattM

        I see what you did there.

  • Honestly he might as well have not even been running, it wasn’t like he was getting any attention for it….the only question is does he endorse someone or no.

    • LonelyLiberal

      With that small a percentage, who really cares? I doubt anybody’s lining up for his endorsement, he’s just not popular at all.

  • Neely OHara

    I guess the magic glasses just didn’t cut it…

    • Homo Erectus

      Magic underwear didn’t help Romney, either.

  • GarySFBCN

    Now he remembers: His 2016 bid for president was the 3rd thing he’d cut.

    • Eebadee-eebadee-thatsallfolks

      LOL

  • Dutchboy74

    Right after Colbert’s quib last night about his felony charge.

    https://youtu.be/DuAbBBon7bM?t=1m20s

  • BearEyes

    now there’s room for Fiorina at the kid’s table again.

  • Remember when he went all Brokeback Mountain on us? Good times.

    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/12/09/article-2071979-0F1D47CE00000578-296_1024x615_large.jpg

    • Eebadee-eebadee-thatsallfolks

      Aw. I miss Heath.

      • another_steve

        Me too. Brilliant actor.

        I wasn’t too crazy about that movie, but the individual performances make it very worth watching, imo.

        • The-Noodle-Almighty

          Every time I watch a movie with a gay love story like Brokeback Mountain, I pretty much know in advance that it’s going to end badly. So many gay movies are just cliched versions of this.

    • MattM

      Wasn’t the first time he’s gone Brokeback Mountain.

    • With music (still under copyright!) by gay American composer Aaron Copland!

  • another_steve

    Okay. Now he’s available to star in Daddy porn.

    Please reply below with your suggested film titles.

    In another thread, I suggested a video where Daddy Rick pounds Lindsey Graham, entitled “Bad Daddy Gets Some Southern Comfort.”

    • TampaDink

      “Dicked by Daddy’s Indictment”.

      • another_steve

        ^^Lol.

        Ten upvotes.

        • TampaDink

          It was the best that I could come up with….for the time being.

          • another_steve

            I read your comments regularly, TD, for the best of JMG perversity. 😉

          • TampaDink

            Thank you. If only I could remember how to blush, I know that I’d be blushing right now. ☺

      • William

        “Jailhouse Rick”

        • TampaDink

          Good one.

    • KCMC

      Old Twink Jock Daddy Does Dallas
      or Dallas Does….

    • William

      “Rick’s Hundred Load Weekend”.

  • teeveedub

    I’m going to drown my sorrows by guzzling a bottle of his favorite maple syrup.

    • William

      Fascinating!
      (Watch the video)

  • BudClark

    Think anybody will notice?

    • JustSayin’

      Santorum, Carly, huckster, Cruz and kaisich….not to many other people though😉

    • Lead Dog

      Unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes.

    • brian

      Few, if any.

    • we did, but then we are known for noticing stuff

    • LovesIrony

      perhaps Jindal, one down. now if the zillion clowns ahead of him drop out he’s got the nomination in the bag.

  • dcurlee

    was he running lol

  • Octavio

    The asswipe now probably expects us all to bake him a Thank You rainbow cake. Well, it ain’t gonna happen. 😐

  • Robert Adams

    Rick Perry has been acting like your typical dropout since he couldn’t remember which federal departments he was going to eliminate. I went to high school with guys like him. Most majored in auto-body shop before dropping out.

    • So, where they like that before inhaling all those paint fumes?

    • Arkansan

      My nephew majored in auto-body shop, we called it fender school.

  • TampaDink

    Let’s hope that the next time we hear about this bozo is upon his felony conviction.

    • Octavio

      I’ll drink to that. Uh . . . what time is it. After five yet?

      • JustSayin’

        4:56 CST. happy hour begins! Woohoo

      • Furface

        It’s after 5 o’clock somewhere.

        • TampaDink

          Great minds think alike. I should have scrolled down before I typed.

      • TampaDink

        Its always 5 o’clock somewhere.

        • Our youngest was a waiter for a while in Arizona, and when he found out they were from the east coast, he would say, well, have a mimosa with breakfast, its lunch time back home! He sold more champagne than any other waiter.

          • TampaDink

            I hope that he’s continued to excel in whatever field he’s entered into….he certainly understood how to rise to the top as a waiter.

          • He’s a clever chap, and is currently an NDT tech, having moved up from welding.

  • JustSayin’

    One down, too many still left to fall.

  • Bill

    Perry later stated that this will free him up to dedicate all of his time to his TRUE passion…

    • pj

      basket weaving

    • WNY

      I thought his true passion was ‘corn-dog eating’…

  • Peter Wde

    Pity, was a good governor.

    • oikos

      ..

      • BlueberriesForMe

        I’ve decided that you deserve a grant from the National Endowment for the Humanities for your efforts in keeping civilization afloat. I’m filling out the paperwork right now.

        • oikos

          I am honored. 😄

    • Reality.Bites

      Well I’ll grant that he’s smarter than you, but so is lint

      • Peter Wde

        Thanks!

    • Robincho

      Tell your last name to buy a fucking vowel movement…

      • Peter Wde

        Done

  • ScottJL

    Was he still in the race? I didn’t even notice..

    • oikos

      Who? 😉

      • ScottJL

        that @sshole from texas, what’s-his-name.

        • bkmn

          More details please. There a LOT of assholes in Texas.

  • Ninja0980

    Good riddance to bad rubbish.

    • Lori Al

      You mean, ‘Bad riddance to Good Hair.”, right?

  • Mike in Texas

    I wonder if he’s still within the window to return the glasses and get his money back.

  • bkmn

    Hey Rick, feel free to take some of your fellow KKKlowns with you, like Piyush, Xtie, Fuckaflea, Ka$ich, and the rest of the underachievers with you to the Montesori Presidink race.

  • All Together Now

    Adíos, MOTHER FUCKER!

  • grada3784

    Bye-bye, Governor GoodHair.

  • justmeeeee

    Oh, good. His hair was starting to show the strain.

  • People4Humanity

  • People4Humanity

    • billbear1961

      What the . . . ?

      :O

    • People4Humanity

      badly photoshopped by someone, but it is alleged to be his family’s property in Texas

  • 2guysnamedjoe

    Governor Perry brought his new eyeglasses back to the costume shop:
    “They didn’t work.”

  • e jerry powell

    Buh-bye. One less chair at the kids’ table.

  • Boy Elvis

    My favorite moment of Perry 2015 was this Wonkette headline:

    “Rick Perry’s Campaign Won’t Be About ‘Lofty Rhetoric,’ Not That We Were Worried”

    • billbear1961

      lol

  • Ben in Oakland

    Didn’t God tell him to run or something?

    • BlueberriesForMe

      Sounds to me it was more like Satan doin’ the tellin’.

  • Secure

    Bye Ricky! This means only four candidates will be at the kiddie-table CNN debate next week. Jindal, Santorum, Pataki, and Graham. Morons.

    • Reality.Bites

      I wonder what happens if the next three drop-outs are also from the kiddy table. Does the remaining one debate himself?

      • William

        The last one gets a sock puppet.

  • Silver Badger

    Good. Now he has time for prison.

    • billbear1961

      With Paxton!

      • William

        Who is on top?

        • billbear1961

          Both are on the bottom, Sweet William!

  • Mark

    Well, at least the rent boyz can get caught up on their car payments…..but, there is a problem in finding one that can fill a bucket with no bottom or sides….

  • The-Noodle-Almighty

    I wonder who’s going to gain his .5% base?

  • Blobby

    those new glasses and yet he never could see the writing on the wall.

  • If he hadn’t issued a statement I wonder how long it would have taken anyone in the media or in the other campaigns to notice he wasn’t running any more.

  • RaygunsGoZap

    This is awesome for three reasons…

    Nawp, can’t even.

    Kick rocks, closet.

  • Every Texan of every political persuasion predicted this.

  • Michael Abbett

    Wait, Rick Perry was in the race?

  • GreatLakeSailor

    So the Krazy Klown Kar pulls into the rest stop, dumps “Smart Glasses” Perry and heads back out on the road to disaster.

  • solongfarewell

    Shhh… what’s that I don’t hear? Oh. It’s the sound of thousands of toilets everywhere not flushing. No one gives a crap.

  • Luther Kreiger

    But… the glasses! Just see how s-m-r-t he looks! How could that possibly fail?!

  • TexPlant

    Buh Bye!

  • billbear1961

    Polka right out the door, and into prison!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qESekH-Z1E

  • KnownDonorDad

    This makes me sad. I was looking forward to more gaffes. 🙁

    Now if Cruz drops out, I’ll be happy.

  • houstonray

    Oh Rick…

  • William

    Adios, Mofo.

  • Arkansan

    Cross that off your bucket list.

  • William

    Time to get in on the Rick and Anita Perry divorce pool. I say they file in February 2016.

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    • William

      Rick’s already got a new gig as an internet whore.

  • Buh Bye Bigot, Bigot Buh Bye.

  • LovesIrony

    Perhaps you should have prayed for brains and not rains.

  • Davidusca

    Just to be clear; criminals as a general rule, don’t surrender.

  • SFHarry

    I’d imagine the longer he was in the race the greater the chance of getting non-refundable campaign donations that he’ll be spending for years to come.

  • TreGibbs

    Was he really ever IN ? No…