Cayman Islands Reaffirms Same-Sex Marriage Ban To Stop The Satanic Confusion Of Homosexuality

Saying that he was acting on “Holy Bible evidence” about the “Satanic confusion” of homosexuality, Cayman Islands Rep. Anthony Eden has led the legislature of the popular cruise destination to unanimously reaffirm its ban on same-sex marriage. From the Cayman Compass:

“To me, this is one of the most important motions for this House and the people of the Cayman Islands,” said Bodden Town MLA Anthony Eden. The motion, brought forward by Mr. Eden during a meeting of the Legislative Assembly last week, follows a landmark judgment by the European Court of Human Rights last month which could force the Cayman Islands to change its stance on same-sex unions. The Cayman Islands Constitution 2009 states that the government “shall respect the right of every unmarried man and woman of marriageable age” to “marry a person of the opposite sex and found a family.” The Marriage Law (2010 revision) defines marriage as “the union between a man and a woman as husband and wife.” However, there is no specific prohibition against civil unions, which can allow couples rights similar, if not equal to, married couples.

The Cayman Islands are part of the British Overseas Territories, which also includes Anguilla, Bermuda, the British Virgin Islands, Monserrat, and Turks and Caicos Islands. Grand Cayman is the fourth-busiest cruise port in the Caribbean, seeing 1.5 million passengers last year.

  • The Cayman Islands:

    Only visit us if you are a billionaire hiding money from your government, a criminal hiding money from law enforcement and totally aren’t homosexual.

    • Unless of course you’re totally homosexual and have billions in ill-gotten gain to hide from your government. Then you’re totally welcome — but only for three days a year, you filthy fags.

      • Gerry Fisher

        They would be welcome, as long as they’re *discrete*.

    • GanymedeRenard

      Just like Switzerland. Ugh! Another country that’s a fiscal paradise and still has the Nazi gold. Curious thing: the three big German-speaking countries in Europe (Germany, Austria, and Switzerland) don’t have marriage equality – granted, they also speak French and Italian in Switzerland. Just a thought. But I should also say that I didn’t have a good time there.

    • JT

      If, however, you are hiding a billion dollars up your ass, we will treat it and you most lovingly.

    • Homo Erectus

      Mitt Romney keeps his yacht there.

  • Sam_Handwich
    • JustSayin’

      Love the deny one but grant a different one decision…effectively leaving her exactly where she was….violating a court order with little chance of winning.

    • noni

      If it’s about the gays, it must be stayed!

  • bkmn

    Now I doubt he has been married more than once.

  • D. J.

    On the list with Jamaica as non-destinations.

    • Webslinger
    • crankyd

      Yep, just another bigoted shithole to avoid ever visiting. Let them all rot in poverty and corruption. I’d rather see NYC or SF for the 300th time rather than spend one dime on these fuckers.

    • OrliJoe in Fla

      The hubs and I have purposefully stayed away from any cruise that includes Jamaica and/or Cayman Islands for years… as a matter of fact, we’d rather cruise anywhere rather than the Caribbean.

    • Gene

      The British give their colonies a lot of self governance, but on a human rights issue like this, London should just LAY DOWN THE LAW and say “no” to such bullshit legislation

  • MattM

    Because when I think of upstanding morals, I think of the Cayman Islands.

    • BearEyes

      you can stash your morals off-shore like your money and avoid all that nasty tax or other social morality obligation.
      or something.

  • BIuebear

    Please, ladies and gentlemen, email or social media the cruise lines to tell them you won’t sail with those that stop at bigoted islands.

    • Christopher

      I just refuse to go on any cruises. My ideal vacation does not include riding around in a petri dish with rude as fuck Americans.

      I much prefer wandering the streets and chatting up the locals of wherever I choose to go.

  • FuBear

    Just imagining all the cruise lines that are skipping that destination.

    They really aren’t very swift when it comes to this are they? I mean states, cities, business, even countries…they tend to get the short end of the economic stick when they hate on “Teh Gays”

    Though you can tell that the Cayman Islands doesn’t have any gay people on it currently, look at the photo of that guy.

    You can tell that not one person with any kind of taste had anything to do with that photo.

  • Princess Lardass

    Welcome to Cayman Islands! We’ve reaffirmed our dedication to religious bigotry and have the angry, glaring bald guy to back us up!

    • The one with that stunning jaw line and chiseled chin.

  • RossPDX

    I expect God to reward their obedience the usual way:

    • Gustav2

      With added Global Warming spin?

    • Chucktech

      Um, FYI, the Cayman Islands are almost due south of Havana…

      • RossPDX

        “When 900 billion years old, you reach, aim this good, you will not.”
        -God

        • Christopher

          😉

    • Homo Erectus

      For the record, Florida is enjoying it’s 11th consecutive year without a single hurricane making landfall. Just because the gulf temperature is cooler than normal, we don’t expect one this year either.

  • anne marie in philly

    uh huh, old white guy. and how many dicks have YOU sucked in your lifetime? this man needs psychological help STAT!

  • Webslinger

    The Cayman Islands and many others in the region want gay money via cruises but do not want their gay citizens to have equal rights…

    Same-sex sexual activity is illegal on these islands along with the possible penalty:

    Antigua and Barbuda: 15-year prison sentence

    Barbados: life sentence

    Dominica: 10-year prison sentence

    Grenada: Male illegal. 10-year prison sentence. Female legal

    Jamaica: Male illegal. 10 years hard labor. Female legal.

    Saint Kitts and Nevis: Male illegal. 10-year prison sentence. Female legal

    Saint Lucia: Male illegal. Fine and/or 10-year prison sentence. Female legal.

    Saint Vincent and the Grenadines: Fine and/or 10-year prison sentence.

    Trinidad and Tobago: Penalty: 25-year prison sentence.

    • Stev84

      The Caribbean Islands (with a few exceptions) is one of the most homophobic regions on the planet.

    • another_steve

      Thanks for posting that list, Webslinger.

      Obviously, LGBT people and their allies should not be spending their tourism dollars in countries that have formal policies of oppression and persecution of queer people. What we “ignored” or “forgave” 20 or 25 years ago we must not ignore or forgive today.

      There are web sites that discuss every country’s policies on LGBT people, and I urge all reading here to consult those sites when planning their discretionary travel.

    • StraightGrandmother

      Thanks for taking the time to look all of these up and post.
      It is a sober reminder.

    • Unenforceable

      I can tell you that 25-year sentence is definitely not enforced in T&T. I had some of the best times EVER there.

      • Webslinger

        I am not going to risk 25 years for what amounts to 25 minutes of pleasure…

        • Unenforceable

          Honey, it was A LOT more than 25 minutes plus A LOT of people were/are doing “it”. Think of this way, it reminded me of Louisiana, my home state where I was born and went to college. “Sodomy” was illegal and enforceable but I had a good fuck as much as I could growing up all over the state because no one enforced the law and no one does in T&T. It is a joke – to say the least! I have been all over T&T with my fiance about 3 years ago and absolutely nothing negative happened. We didn’t even bother to waste up our time looking up this paper tiger “law”.

          • Webslinger

            Glad to hear that nothing happened to you…I am sure there are people doing it but as a black man those paper laws have a tendency to frighten me as they can come to life at any moment…

          • Unenforceable

            If there were true, then there would not be any presence of Grind’r and Adam 4 Adam and just about everything else gay in T&T. I have felt safer as black man in T&T than I have in many places in the U.S.

          • Webslinger

            if it on the books it can be enforced…thank you…

          • Unenforceable

            There is not reason to be paranoid …

    • Terry

      Notice a lot of these have lesbianism legal…what a shocker…

      • Paula

        That’s hot!!

      • Gest2016

        I doubt its legel, they just havent bothered to make vagina on vagina sex illegal. Its really the penis that arouses bigots so much.

        • JCF

          I see what you did there!

        • Steve Teeter

          I think many of these countries are former British colonies or current British Commonwealth members. They base their law on British law. I read that lesbianism was not made illegal in Great Britain because Queen Victoria struck that part out of a law presented to her for approval banning overall gay sex as she didn’t believe lesbianism was possible.

    • Gest2016

      When you think about it global warming will raise the ocean enough to dissapear most of these in less than 100 years. Perhaps it is God’s wrath at their bigotry.

    • What is it about the Caribbean that makes it so homophobic? Religion that was imposed on them by European invaders?

      • Webslinger

        Jamaica may be the worst offender, but much of the rest of the Caribbean also has a long history of intense homophobia. Islands like Barbados still criminalize homosexuality, and some seem to be following Jamaica’s more violent example. Last week two CBS News producers, both Americans, were beaten with tire irons by a gay-bashing mob while vacationing on St. Martin. One of the victims, Ryan Smith, was airbused to a Miami hospital, where he remains in intensive care with a fractured skull.

        http://content.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1182991,00.html

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    So, marriage equality is bad, but helping billionaires, millionaires, drug lords, terrorists and many others hide their money that could help those in need is a good thing?

    • Webslinger

      but they are God fearing Christians and well we are deviants…come on, does this really need explanation..

    • BobSF_94117

      I don’t know about “good”, but it’s certainly profitable.

  • shivadog

    I was thinking of going to the British Virgin Islands, but fuck them. I will spend my queer money in Hawaii instead.

    • Webslinger

      Yes, gay cruises need to stop going there and plenty of other places…giving money to these awful places

      • Ryan Hunter

        That is why we no longer take cruises, and especially some of the gay cruises.

    • Nick in Pasadena

      What’s wrong with the British Virgin Islands? They’re rated at the top of the least homophobic Caribbean territories above.

      • shivadog

        Shit, the chart rates them as being better than the U.S. Virgin Islands. What’s the deal with that?

    • Demetrius1261

      The British Virgin Islands have nothing to do with and are nowhere near the Cayman Islands – the British Virgin Islands are to the east of Puerto Rico (near the US Virgin Islands, obviously), while the Cayman Islands are hundreds of miles away to the south of Cuba. Two different island groups and two different polities altogether.

      • shivadog

        They are listed as being part of the British Overseas Territories, which are all lumped together on the charts of LGBT rights in the Caribbean which Websling posted above. I suppose it is possible that attitudes are different in the BVI than in The Cayman Islands.

  • GanymedeRenard

    Ok, one more country in my list of what countries not to visit. Taking note, Atlantis?

  • bambinoitaliano

    The only thing I’m familiar with cayman is the reptiles. That region always get their hurricanes. Jesus obviously not on their side.

  • bryan

    He is redefining the meaning of evidence.

  • Stev84

    I’ll be sure to close my bank account there.

  • noni

    ..

  • shrpblnd

    I went on an Atlantis cruise that docked in Grand Cayman in 2005. This was first gay cruise ship that had docked there after they turned away the Norwegian Cruise Line several years prior. There was a lot of discussion among both the passengers and Atlantis management about this. There were a handful of protesters at the docks.

    Rich Campbell said that the Cayman government was offering gay passengers the same legal protections as the U.S. at the time, and in reality there was nothing that could stop some right wing protesters from meeting us at the docks in the U.S. on our return. This was technically true at the time.

    There was also an old woman near the docks, that very sincerely told all of us as we disembarked that she loved us, and thanked us for coming. It was incredibly sweet, and she stayed there all day, unlike the protesters that grew tired and left after a few hours.

    The shopkeepers of course were very happy to have us spend money, and several shops had rainbow flags in their store windows to show their support.

    It really was a beautiful place to visit and clearly many of the residents do not have the same attitude as as handful of government officials. That said, this was 10 years ago, and it is time for the Cayman Islands to evolve on this issue.

  • Michael

    Once again, the glorious new ‘Homophobia Uber Alles’ “Christianity.” Every thing Jesus said pales in comparison.

  • Saltybear

    This is no surprise – there have been incidents with gay cruises in the past, and I don’t thing any gay cruise stops there now. I spent the two longest years of my life on Grand Cayman in the mid-1980’s. Luckily I had the opportunity to spend a weekend in Miami every month – otherwise, I’d have lost my mind. While I was there, the first known AIDS case occurred on the island. Most of the staff in the island hospital wouldn’t go near him, and had it not been for the presence of some nursing and medical staff from off the island, the patient would not have received care. Needless to say, as this was in 1985/86, the patient died, and the local newspaper took great care to say that although the deceased was Caymanian, he had spent years off the island and had only recently returned. This is a fair illustration of the local mentality. Prim and censorious on the outside, but very slippery in their business and personal dealings – adultery, drunkenness, and sharp practice of all kinds are common but swept under the rug, especially when prominent people are involved.

  • Octavio

    The world isn’t getting smaller. It’s just getting easier to know where one is welcome. 🙂

  • Webslinger
    • Stev84

      On some of the Dutch and French islands they were able to pass pro-gay laws because they are just overseas territories with limited autonomy instead of full-fledged countries. But Sint Maarten, Aruba and Curacao don’t have marriage equality (except for marriages performed in the Netherlands themselves and even then those don’t necessarily have the same rights) because they are countries.

  • Bj Lincoln

    Nice to know where NOT to go. Thanks Joe.
    ( Riiiight. Like ALL the criminals hiding there are str8.)

  • TampaDink

    There are way more banks (full of the off-shore funds of filthy rich Americans) than there are gay people.

  • Paula

    This is a country less than half the size of the city I live in. I didn’t realize it was so small. That is a lot of hatred concentrated in such a small space.

    • Homo Erectus

      I thought jeezus wiped it off the map a few years ago.

  • Tor

    Maybe it’s time to encourage cruise ships to not stop there.

    • Chucktech

      Fat, stupid, lazy, incurious, unhappy American cruise ship passengers could give two shits. As long as it’s pretty and they can buy a fucking t-shirt and get ripped off on overpriced Margaritas, they are, literally, fat, dumb and happy (as a cruise ship passenger can be).

  • Mark

    Once again, we will need help from our straight allies to effectively impact the pockets of these assholes. So, don’t be shy about sharing their dirty laundry. The cruise industry is a start – and we need them to mount marketing campaigns for equality.

  • BobSF_94117

    What fools.

    • Chucktech

      Gawd’ll do that to ya…

  • David in Palm Springs

    I thought the legislature was too busy burning witches at the stake to deal with satanic homosexuals. Then again, when you’re socially 100 years behind the times it’s easy to get those two real world issues confused. — Every cruise line should boycott these assholes. Then I’d bet they’d change their tune. Gay$? We love them! Especially their beautiful, beautiful money!

  • TexasBoy

    Holy Bible evidence is like saying that because a child’s fairy tale says so, the moon really IS made of green cheese.

  • Baltimatt

    That’s it. I’m pulling all my money out of the Cayman Islands!

    • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

      Feel free to give it to me. I will shelter it for you. 😁

    • JCF

      Mitt, is that you?

  • Lumpy Gaga

    That was the sound of a million boytoys who got rings on it from their industry titan sugar daddies fainting.

  • Michael Rush
  • Homo Erectus

    Still, Pam Bondi can get fake married there.

    • Ah, yes. The sacred tradition of the non-binding commitment ceremony. Glory!

  • TallBearNC

    If all the gay people suddenly refuse to go to the Cayman Islands, their tourist industry would dry up

  • Robert Conner

    The Caribbean is full of these loons. Find somewhere else to go.

  • j.martindale
  • Beagle

    Hell is in the Cayman Islands. The Husband and I were there, 10 or so years ago. Even sent postcards from there for the Hell postmark..

  • MBear

    fuck you
    fuck your islands
    fuck off to hell
    you fucking fuck

  • Terry

    Why don’t you start clearing up that confusion by reporting income to the US? How bout that? Til then, the God you worship folds in your wallet

    BYE FELICIA!!!

  • Phil

    Dreadful few of coral outcroppings jutting out from the Caribbean, under the Union Jack. No surprise there.

  • justmeeeee

    Let them sink into the ocean (in Rita Moreno voice).

  • billbear1961

    You base this decision on the “Holy” Bible, the same book that explains parents may put unruly children to death, a father may in some circumstances sell his daughter into slavery, a rapist may be excused his crime if he marries his victim and satisfies her father with some kind of monetary settlement, that slaves owe their masters obedience? THAT “Holy” Bible??

    Fuck you, you backwards SAVAGE!

    I wonder if there are any stonable offenses in your closet, ASSHOLE.

    Oh, but THAT would be a totally different matter, wouldn’t it?

    These rules and punishments are SOLELY for the people you HATE, aren’t they, HYPOCRITE??

    People who truly believe in equality and JUSTICE will no longer visit your islands until you, as if by magic, change your minds on this issue!

    And, btw, the “satanic confusion” of homosexuality?

    Is that anything like the biblical belief that someone suffering an epileptic seizure is possessed by demons?

    As I said, fuck off, you primitive SAVAGE!

    I hope the UK will intervene, if it is within Parliament’s power, to prevent any of its overseas territories from continuing to violate citizens’ CIVIL RIGHTS!

    • Robert W. Pierce

      Unfortunately, all of those territories, dependencies and independent commonwealth countries have blanket legislative and executive authority independent of the UK and have their own constitutions, so it can’t intervene directly.

      • billbear1961

        That is unfortunate.

        🙁

  • NMNative

    I’m always happy to know where NOT to spend my money. Screw em.

  • Tax-haven scum. Back to your temple to Mammon, your dirty moneylenders.

  • Kissmagrits

    Am I to understand the alleged “Satanic confusion of Homosexuality” is more threatening than the Cayman’s banking system and their “Satanic accumulation of 30% of the world’s stolen and undeclared money”?

    Well – isn’t that special?