Pastor Jeremiah Johnson: God Told Me He Sent Donald Trump To Help Bring About The Second Coming Of Jesus

“The Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, ‘Trump shall become My trumpet to the American people, for he possesses qualities that are even hard to find in My people these days. Trump does not fear man nor will he allow deception and lies to go unnoticed. I am going to use him to expose darkness and perversion in America like never before, but you must understand that he is like a bull in a china closet. Many will want to throw him away because he will disturb their sense of peace and tranquility, but you must listen through the bantering to discover the truth that I will speak through him. I will use the wealth that I have given him to expose and launch investigations searching for the truth. Just as I raised up Cyrus to fulfill My purposes and plans, so have I raised up Trump to fulfill my purposes and plans prior to the 2016 election.'” – Pastor Jeremiah Johnson, quoted today on World Net Daily.

Johnson admits that other Christians are pissed at him:

I will not attempt to defend myself here, I will leave that up to the Lord Jesus now and when I stand before Him and give an account for every word I’ve spoken. The goal of this post is to strictly help those who read the article and have questions and what largely appears to be a gross misinterpretation of what was published. Some Christians appear to be absolutely infuriated at the thought or prophetic word that God is going to use Donald Trump as a Trumpet to expose darkness and bring truth because of His moral background and political views. Perhaps God not being limited, subjected, and dependent to who human beings think He should use for His glory reveals their own issues with God, not a prophetic word. I, like many of you, was shocked by the word I received regarding Donald Trump. Trust me when I say it was given with fear and trembling. Again, I am not called to prophesy what I think or what my opinion is. I simply deliver the word of the Lord and encourage the saints to test and judge what has been spoken. I will publicly repent to the body of Christ if what was prophesied does not come to pass.

  • Secure

    God’s okay with multiple divorces now?

  • John P.

    I want to try whatever he’s smoking!

    • William

      Please cut back the dosage.

    • TampaDink

      I’d hold off until we find out if the effects are temporary or if it causes permanent brain damage.

      • BudClark

        “A delicate blend of krokodil and bath salts …”

        • William

          With just a hint of Clorox.

      • Gianni

        Not to worry The brain damage was already there. Any further damage will only increase the laughable factor of whatever he says.

      • GayOldLady

        I think he already had permanent brain damage. And don’t you just love how he tries to craft his words to make them seem biblical?
        “Trump shall become My trumpet”. Because we all know only god talks like that. Poor fella!!!!

        • TampaDink

          Bad enough that he’s got delusions of talking spirits….but then he tries to get all literary. Pathetic.

        • Librarykid

          I wonder if there is a connection between Turmp’s blood imagery and the red letters in the New Testament. I have heard of farts that were compared to trumpet blasts.

    • Bad Tom

      Thanks, I’m good.

  • romanhans

    God doesn’t mind Trump’s three bankruptcies because He was never good with money Himself.

  • pablo

    That’s quite an endorsement. TRUMP! The candidate most likely to cause the apocalypse!

    • Bad Tom

      And also TRUMPET!

      • Robincho

        “If yer gunna bump it,
        Bump it with a trumpet!”

        • Craig Howell

          The actress who uttered those immortal lyrics, both on Broadway and in the movie, is a woman named Faith. She’s still very much around here in DC and is very active politically. Her trademark is, as you might guess, her trumpet blasts.



  • AtticusP

    Why is it that God and space aliens always choose the biggest fucking hillbillies around to mess with?

    • crewman

      What would be much more convincing is if God spoke to someone who wasn’t already a religious nut job. A religious nut job saying this kind of thing is easily dismissed as the kind of thing a religious nut job says. And while he’s at it, maybe God could try to find somebody who isn’t going to directly benefit from the thing He’s going to tell him.

      • AtticusP

        I’m more concerned about the space aliens.

        In my opinion, at least there’s a possibility that they exist.

      • JT

        Unfortunately, this very thing is claimed to have happened to Paul “the Apostle” who was supposedly struck down from his horse, saw the resurrected Christ and then became a fanatical believer. Of course, Freudians would have a field day with all this.

        • crewman

          OK, maybe God can also pick someone who hasn’t recently experienced severe blunt force trauma to the head.

          • JT

            Paul: I saw god!

            Psychiatrist: Tell me more about what you saw after you hit your head, and how you felt about it.

        • Mister Don

          Wasn’t that Catherine the Great and the horse?

          • JT

            I think one involved falling and the other involved lowering down.

          • AtticusP

            The horse said that Catherine wasn’t so great.

          • TampaDink

            Kenneth Pinyan, on the other “hand”…..well that’s a horse of a different color.

          • AtticusP

            Damn grateful that I didn’t have to write that particular autopsy report…

          • TampaDink

            I kind of feel bad for the poor s.o.b., he led a seemingly anonymous & modest life….but became internet famous for his graphic death borne out of extreme kink….that was perfectly legal at the time.

          • AtticusP

            Yeah, but icky as fuck-all!

          • TampaDink


          • olandp

            I don’t think she cared, she was the tsar.

          • Sowhat?

            ahahahaha great one 😉

          • Librarykid

            As she was dying, she let out a big fart and said that anyone who could fart that loudly wasn’t going to die, but then she did.

        • Librarykid

          He also continued to persecute people, preaching judgement and intolerance even after his “vision” so there was no change for the better, just the same nasty personality now selling Jesus. It all sounds so familiar.

          • JT

            He continued to be a psycho, especially in sexual matters, pretty much favoring abstinence for all.

        • DesertSun59

          He wasn’t wealthy enough to own a horse.

          • JT

            He fell off a horse, so the story goes. It doesn’t say he owned the horse.

      • SilasMarner

        Well, if God spoke to him I want to know what God sounded like.

    • Michael Rush

      if your religion forced you to eat paint chips
      you should change religions .

      • AtticusP

        And yet, people exist in this world that would pray for the greater glory of the paint chips.

        Just how fucked up is that?

    • Bill

      “It’s never someone who went to Harvard, or Yale, or Princeton. it’s always 2 assholes with Coors beer and a recreational vehicle.”

      ~Joan Rivers

    • Sowhat?

      That was until Trump showed up with his horrendous Orange Wig 😉

  • one thing i really detest about dems right now is their utter unwillingness to sic the IRS on these blatantly political “preachers.” they say “jeebus!” every third word, and suddenly they aren’t the grifters shilling for obvious political aims. never mind they explicitly endorse candidates and speak about specific laws and policies. they shouldn’t have to pay taxes or follow any rules relating to equality, b/c it’s a charity, not a propaganda outlet! /s

    unless and until the dems get serious, like the thugs have, about reigning this sort of thing in? they are doomed. remember: bush went after Quaker anti-war churches with a vengeance. where’s obama, on these Klan-connected and republican-stuffed hater “churches” when they say this kind of thing? HRC? i’m waiting…

    • oikos
      • Chucktech

        Oh, come ON! I’ll believe this shit when I see it.

        From the article:

        For example, if a faith-based provider offers a Bible study as well as a federally supported job training program, the Bible study must be privately funded and separated in time or location from the job training program.


        While American Atheists is pleased to see that 9 of the 14 federal agencies with a faith-based and neighborhood partnership office have issued proposed regulations …, we see no mechanisms to ensure compliance.

        • oikos

          At least someone is finally talking about it in the Federal Govt. For far too long it has only been those of us who see its effects.

          • Chucktech

            >Sigh…< Guess that's SOMEthing…

    • clay

      The IRS office for that was budgeted at 0$ by Bush 43 and Congress has not altered that since.

    • jc

      Why is it up to “dems” to sic the IRS on these idiots? Aren’t your beloved GOP in charge of the House AND the Senate? Put the blame where it belongs, neocon, ok?

      • yeah, you know me real well, don’tcha? /eyeroll

        maybe you remember that time, that brief couple of years, when the dems had control of all three branches? it was a while back. but not so long. google is your friend.

        it’s fun to call people you know nothing about “neocons” and avoid parts of history you don’t like. but the truth is, blaming bush for everything that’s wrong stopped being valid a long, long time ago.

        • Librarykid

          The Democrats did not have a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate and without that, legislation from the House does not get voted into law. It’s the same reason the Republicans can’t do fuck all even with nominal control of the Senate and real control of the House today.

          • ah yes, the filibuster proof crowd. funny how the dems never once actually made the thugs do that. not in a meaningful way. the threat is not the same as the act. but it was more “civil” not to make them actually carry one out, b/c reasons.

          • Librarykid

            I will be the first to admit that they are all lazy, worthless, disreputable SOBs, but the Republicans in power now will not force the Democrats to do any heavy lifting either because they have understandings about their mutual disaffection with hard work. Still, a member of the LGBT community making excuses for the people who raise money over our very right to exist makes me sorta sad. I guess it’s like the old song, “You’ve got your troubles; I’ve got mine.”

        • Eebadee-eebadee-thatsallfolks

          Aha! I thought that was you lunching with Bill Kristol and Sean Hannity!

      • AtticusP

        What are you talking about?

        Chicago dyke is no neocon, from what I’ve read of her recent comments.

      • gaymex

        WTF? That is the best laugh I’ve had all day–all week, actually.

    • caphillprof

      I agree that it’s past time for a crack down on the pseudo religious. However, the law is that charities can not engage in campaigns for political candidates but can engage in political issue campaigns.

  • Michael Smith

    I think most of the world will agree that a Trump Presidency would bring on Armageddon.

  • oikos
  • OrliJoe in Fla
  • joe ho


    • noni

      never gets old.

      • joe ho

        i agree. i’m going to keep posting it.

  • douglas

    So God once chose a virgin to bear His son and now he has chosen the thrice married, totally non religious bully Trump to herald the End Times. Dude must be high or something.

  • MattM

    This fate could have been avoided if he had a sassy gay friend….

  • William

    A bull in a china closet? Jethro don’t quite get the metaphor.

    • Chucktech

      Interesting that gawd uses American idioms and metaphors, isn’t it?

  • TheManicMechanic

    And people keep getting more and more stupid and delusional thanks to religion.

  • A Big Sarcastic Fairy!

    Really? off our medication are we?

    • Bad Tom

      Another Obamacare refusenik.

  • William

    Such a polished knob.

    • David F.

      It’s not his fault really – when he was young and didn’t know what getting head was, the first woman he asked just rubbed the top of his head. That explains the hair loss and the shine.

  • Ben in Oakland

    “Give away all that you have an follow me.” *

    *Void where prohibited by stupidity or t-Rump

  • bkmn


    • GayOldLady

      I think I smoked that blend when I was about 30. Afterwards I spent about 4 hours silently staring at my sneakers because I thought that if I didn’t they would disappear. My friends almost took me to the ER. That’s a true story!! 🙂

      This comment should have been under the comment from John P. “I want to try whatever he’s smoking”. 🙂

  • Rex

    I sure hope God has a sense of humor, this is some funny sh*t.

  • MattM

    Actual comment from the linked story:

    “Plcc07777: According to Bible scholars far more intelligent than I,

    There are 115 passages in the Bible relative to trumpets. These passages show that there are three kinds, Human, Angelic, and Divine. Human trumpets were used to make announcements to the people. Angelic trumpets announced judgments or victory, and Divine trumpets followed the same pattern.

    Could it be that TRUMP is one of God’s human trumpets ?”

    How are people this feeble minded and insane even capable of accessing the internet?

    • Bad Tom

      We have made it too easy.
      Apparently, a serious mistake on the part of us software folks.

    • BudClark

      I dunno … stick a bugle up Trump’s arse and see what happens …

      • MattM

        Hell, put a trumpet at each end. It would be like a one-man brass section. Hot air coming out of both ends.

      • rusty57

        Not sure I would want to get that close enough to Trump’s ass.

    • crewman

      Cats are actually an ancient alien race who have been monitoring and aiding humans for 30,000 years. Pretend like what I said is factual and discuss. Feel free to make up additional facts. Also feel free to cite experts who are making up facts on this matter to add credibility to your arguments.

      • Mark

        It’s on the internet so it must be true. 🙂

        • crewman

          Beautiful. We have confirmation of the CAR (cat alien race) Theory. Mark has never led me wrong.

          • oikos

            Now we all need to become tax free ministers for CAR.

          • Steve Teeter

            Do we get to wear a hat? What will it look like?

          • oikos
          • Mark

            Gonna have to get the supreme kitty all dolled up with a diamond crusted collar and cape. Some silk footies, and gold….well, gold everywhere!

            Grifters! Start your CAR engines!

          • oikos

            Kitty Glitter

          • Mark

            Oikos!!!! glad to see you !!!!!

      • MattM

        I read that on Breitbart. They’re never wrong.

        In fact, litter boxes were invented in Ancient Egypt as an alter to these feline gods among men. Their excrement was considered holy. The royals made sure to wipe this matter on their faces, as they believed it gave them supernatural abilities. Again, read this on Breitbart.

        • AtticusP

          I don’t know: I like to think of my cat’s litter box as a sort of Breitbart collection plate.

          You know, the kind they used to pass on Sundays when we went to Mass.

      • BudClark

        I think that’s a rather sweet bedtime story.

        • BudClark

          NOT the part about the litter boxes …

      • vorpal

        I mean, “MEOW!”

      • oikos

        I just saw this posted by you so it must be true. The burden is on the unbelievers to prove the cats are not in fact an alien race. However by trying to disprove that claim they are blasphemers and will be punished by said cats in a fiery hell.

        • Craig Howell

          Remember: Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. This alien race theory might explain everything.

          • oikos

            Dogs think you are gawd, cats think they are.

          • Librarykid

            No, they know they are.

        • Ginger Snap

          Don’t forget to reblog what you read to make it more true.

          • oikos

            The public has a right to know.

      • Tor

        I am your Master, and I don’t give a shit about you. Bring me my offerings of tuna. Now.

        • Mark

          Salmon, Copper River thank you very much! :-/

      • Cuberly
      • Captain Jack
      • 2guysnamedjoe

        That’s the first sane thing I’ve read here today.

      • JT

        It’s actually white mice and the answer is 42. The Book says so.

    • vorpal

      How have they managed to get dressed in the morning this many times without accidentally strangling themselves to death with their own pants?

      It’s ALMOST enough of a miracle to make me into a believer.

    • coram nobis

      Revelations 8 talks about seven trumpets. They didn’t signal good news. In fact, the first one signaled global warning.

      “6 And the seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound them. 7 The first sounded, and there came hail and fire, mixed with blood, and they were thrown to the earth; and a third of the earth was burned up, and a third of the trees were burned up, and all the green grass was burned up.…”

      • MattM

        As if any of those commenters have actually read the bible in depth.

    • Chucktech

      How are people this feeble minded and insane even capable of accessing the internet? I think AOL shares a lot of the culpability…

      • MattM

        People still use AOL?

    • kaydenpat

      And voting.

  • Megatron Man

    Holy shit!

    • Bad Tom

      Well, shit for sure.

  • TampaDink

    Tags forgotten: 5150 & Get the net.

  • delk

    Well, they DO believe that Obama is Satan…

    • Chucktech

      …and jeezy is LORD, so there ya go.

  • Rick

    That does it, Jeremiah. You are never sucking my cock again.

  • Sam_Handwich
  • Soren456

    Does he have a seer stone?

    • Chucktech

      No, he has a severe mental disorder.

  • Kevin Perez

    The cute ones are the craziest. What a shame.

    • Robincho

      A shame indeed! And at first, fleeting glance, it seemed so very tappable…

    • clay

      An under-bite like that . . . born to suck cock.

  • Bad Tom

    I think this guy’s blinding flash went like this:

    Trump, Trumpet!!!
    Yeah, that’s the ticket!

    • William

      It happened like this.

  • William

    “Behold the Man Ministries”

    • BudClark

      Y’all DO know that the Latin for that is “ECCE HOMO,” right?

  • Frostbite

    This guy speaks to Gawd and it’s a miracle. I speak to Gawd and I get locked way and free medication.

    • oikos

      Just get certified as a ‘minister’ of some sort and you can make wild claims, grift the unthinking and pay no taxes.

      • noni

        And citizens will speak your name in respectful hushed tones because well you’re godly.


        Because we’re brainwashed.

  • Cuberly

    Hey Pastor JJ, god spoke to me too, and he said he was totally fucking with you. So which one of us is correct?

    • oikos

      The Twinkies do not lie (or ever go bad, or decompose). 🙂

      • Cuberly

        May peace be upon your cream filled center. 🙂

        • oikos


    • clay

      Really? God told ME she meant “strumpet”.

  • Dave B

    Trump as a Trumpet. He’s funny.

    • AtticusP

      Makes me grateful that he’s not backing Bush…

      • TampaDink

        Burning bushes are quite biblical.

        • Chucktech

          Maybe could be an STD…

    • LonelyLiberal

      His first name isn’t Gabriel, so I’m thinking it’s not really religious code.

  • hdtex

    Good god…another mouth-breather who hears voices in his head. How unoriginal.

  • Tom (Winnipeg)

    Please, oh please, don’t these people know the symptoms of schizophrenia? Why don’t they get help? Medication is pretty good for keeping some mental control.

    • noni

      Religious Freedom.

  • BudClark

    That’s a WHOLE lot of … words fail me.

  • GayOldLady

    “The Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, ‘Trump shall become My trumpet to the American people, for he possesses qualities that are even hard to find in My people these days. Trump does not fear man nor will he allow deception and lies to go unnoticed. I am going to use him to expose darkness and perversion in America”

    And the Holy Spirit told me that you’re full of shit!!!!

  • Mark

    Get the net…….

  • TampaDink
    • Librarykid

      If every time this asshat utters the word “trumpet” we can think “foreskin” it might almost be tolerable.

      • TampaDink

        If I could retrain my brain to think of foreskin every time I read or hear the name Trump, life would be much more pleasant.

  • Heroic Hal

    “I will publicly repent to the body of Christ if what was prophesied does not come to pass.” So: God told you this; but if you learn that God lied to you, then you will repent for having been lied to by God?

    • Craig Howell

      When did these Bible-thumping grifters ever repent of anything, to the body of Christ or anybody else?

    • Chucktech

      Makes perfect christianist sense, doesn’t it?

      • BudClark

        MY HEAD HURTS.

        • Chucktech

          Good! See? It’s working!

  • AtticusP


  • Gianni

    Have any of them ever thought that perhaps God is using US to bring THEM some truths about real life and how we should treat each other ’cause we’re all in the same rickety boat? This just occurred to me! Perhaps I’m having a revelation? I suppose anything is possible. Perhaps it’s time to ditch the attachment to those nonsensical, ancient prohibitions about everything and get with reality and incorporate all the knowledge gained in centuries since.

    • RoFaWh

      You filthy pervert, you!

  • Cosmo Tupper

    I recommend finding a good psychiatric facility that specializes in electro-shock therapy and lobotomies for this guy. He needs to be put in a rubber room!

  • Lumpy Gaga

    Running after this gravy train like the hapless dog in the Chuck Wagon commercial.

    Rich meat broth.

  • JT

    Jeremiah Johnson. Heh.

    Jeremiah, how much is that check from Trump for?

    • Chucktech

      Hell, Trump’s not stupid, he wouldn’t throw away money on some goofy religious crackpot like this guy.

      • JT

        If he wanted to cause more of a stir, he might. And it’s apparently caused just that, particularly among christofascists.

        • Chucktech

          Trump just doesn’t strike me as giving the first shit about religious nutters.

          • JT

            Everything is PR with Trump. He doesn’t care where it comes from, even morons, rubes and rednecks. I’m sure he loves this item, even if he had nothing to do with it.

  • geoffalnutt

    Although it is said “Don’t kill the messenger” – how about a good, hard slap?

  • Tor

    I thought that was Obama’s job.

    • gaymex


  • d.

    I’m pleased to learn that God has a sense of humor.

  • caphillprof

    Too much mental illness goes untreated in this country.

  • gaymex

    I wonder how many christians heard this and decided that now might be a good time to consider becoming–at a minimum–agnostic? How could anyone not comprehend that mental illness lurks behind all this talking to god?
    My friends and I would get stoned and play Beatles tapes backwards to see if we could find a hidden message…BUT, we knew it was a lark and we laughed at ourselves the whole time.
    This guy is certifiable.

    • Chucktech

      Hey, now, “Number Nine” played backwards says “Turn me on, dead man.”

  • Mike

    Sweet Jesus! This dude’s crazy as a bed bug. I think that was much more likely a bit of undigested pizza than the voice of God.

  • Clive Johnson

    “Just as I raised up [Miley] Cyrus to fulfill My purposes and plans, so have I raised up Trump to fulfill my purposes and plans prior to the 2016 election.’”

    Huh. I’m confused.

  • John

    And God didn’t just speak to everyone because……..

    • TampaDink

      He/she/it is a horrid gossip monger.

  • LIAR.

  • SoCalVet

    He didn’t read that vanity fair article that I read way back in the early Eighties about Trump and his perverted lifestyle.

  • octobercountry

    Sooo…. is Johnson actually insane, or just a grifter?

    • clay

      born and raised by Indiana holy rollers, according to his website, and now operating out of Lakeland, FL, so maybe both.

  • Silver Badger

    If Mr. Johnson is correct, he will be one very surprised and unhappy man.

  • Richard

    Since we are only 1% of the population and since we are able to wield the power to change even the definition of marriage and being a more creative people (Michaelangelo, Tchaikovsky, Alan Turing, Tim Gill et al) does it not make sense that we are gods chosen people. Seriously, god told me that, well he called last night and left me a voice mail.

    • Chucktech

      What, you didn’t pick up? You let God go to voicemail??

      • HanyBaal

        God’s should’ve known when to call: no one answers phone when fucking.

  • Michael

    According to the Bible, divorce and remarriage, except in the case of adultery, is a sin. How many times has Trump been married? There’s your answer. This “Pastor” is deceived.

  • motordog

    An ADULTERER like Trump? Pfff…if I know god like I think I know god, then I don’t find this very likely! God really, really hates adulterers…he wishes them dead multiple times in his book. Only idolatry, self-righteousness (!) and murder are mentioned more often.

  • Sean Williams

    So he has schizophrenia. Shouldn’t someone be working to get him some help

    • motordog

      I’m praying for him…

      • Chucktech

        That oughta do the trick!

  • Ginger Snap

    Now this here is some hella crazy entertainment. Everyone is screaming end of times today it it a full moon already?

  • Christopher
  • Cuberly

    OT: Well kinda not OT. Good ole Jim Baaker is at it again, he’s lost it in a big way. Now he’s selling doomdsay prep crap. Yes, the preppers are all gonna be laughing at us as they sip their potato soup from their 50Ib plastic buckets.


    • GreatLakeSailor

      This bubbled to the surface about a year ago too. He was hawking “survival biscuits” which at the time a surmised were dog biscuits with the “Milk Bone” logo scratched off.

      He was hawking them in relation to “surviving the rapture” which, if the nutters actually believed any of the mumbo-jumbo they profess, means they knew they weren’t gonna go to their “heavenly reward” but be left behind with the rest of us heathens.

      • Cuberly

        Yeah, that’s what I don’t get. When the crapture happens aren’t they whisked to heben?

        Maybe maybe jebus has a, Now Serving # sign, or something….don’t want any pushy crowds of burning tortured people I guess.

        • GreatLakeSailor

          What, you couldn’t find a now serving 666!?

          • Cuberly


      • Chucktech

        Left behind with the rest of us heathens eating dog biscuits…

        • GreatLakeSailor

          They’ll be eatin’ the dog biscuits; we’ll be eatin’ seared lamb chops, roast brussel sprouts and a full-bodied cabernet.

  • billbear1961

    The “Holy Spirit” will use Trump to expose darkness and perversion and launch investigations to find the TRUTH?!

    BRING IT ON, for WE on the progressive left have little to fear!

    But, O dark and twisted fascist FILTH on the right–especially you grifting “religious” frauds–be VERY careful what you wish for!

    You advocates of hatred, cruelty and LIES–rotten to the fetid CORE–brutal disciples of mindless repression, of unrestrained corporate power, you slobbering WHORES of MAMMON, TRUTH is OUR greatest weapon and your deadliest enemy!!

    If the plots and crimes of the corporate-fascist right were fully revealed, if you were fully exposed for what you are as you SHOULD BE, as you WOULD BE in a country with a truly free and honest press, the TRUTH would WIPE YOU, once and for all, from the political MAP!!

    So, careful what you wish for, you canting little con artist!!

  • motordog

    I’ll just leave this here…

    Matthew 7:15 “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.”

    This is another of those verses that, when you confront a fundie with it, they get a bit more slack-jawed then usual, then rapidly change the subject. I figure it’s a perfect escape clause for them…surprised they don’t use it often as such.

  • “God is going to use Donald Trump as a Trumpet to expose darkness and
    bring truth because of His moral background and political views” ??

  • motordog

    “I will publicly repent to the body of Christ if what was prophesied does not come to pass.”

    What does this particular bit of fuckery mean, exactly? Is he saying that he’ll say ‘sorry’ if he’s wrong? So fucking what!

  • DesertSun59

    No, Pastor Jeremiah Johnson. That voice is your addiction to a tribal Jewish Bronze Age myth.

  • coram nobis

    This holy spirit speaking through you, Rev, was it Early Times? Or Old Grand-Dad?

  • Gordon.

    That’s odd. God told me not to listen to nut jobs like you and the Donald…

  • sfmike64

    Um. Queen, please. You know he has profiles on Growlr and Scruff.

  • kaydenpat

    I agree that Trump is like a bull. And full of bull. That is the only part that’s prophetic.

  • Robert Conner

    An individual who makes the claims common to religion–“a holy spirit spoke to me and I’m just conveying the message”–would be adjudicated insane, but as Sam Harris so memorably remarked, “There’s sanity in numbers.” The Roman emperor Julian “the Apostate,” who was raised a Christian but converted to paganism, regarded Christianity as a disease infecting the Roman empire. Although their books were burned by the Church and their opinions suppressed, what remains of the Roman’s views on the nutbaggery that is Christianity can be read at your leisure here:

  • anne marie in philly

    “God Told Me He Sent Donald Trump To Help Bring About The Second Coming Of Jesus” – and my asshole farted “god save the queen” today and my cats cleaned the house whilst I was at work.

  • Bruce Brown

    According to your bible HE said he would return before that generation passes. They passed , as have countless other generations. When do you figure out He’s not coming back?

  • ExGayTherapyKills

    Why do anti-gay Christians have a death wish where they want to die, because they keep saying Jesus is coming back because __________. Are they trying to scare somebody? We gay Christian think they are making us good Christians look bad. If he is coming he will come when he is good and ready to come.

  • Bj Lincoln

    Riiiiight. God spoke to YOU.
    Hearing people who are not there and are telling you what to do is a sign of mental illness.

  • Eebadee-eebadee-thatsallfolks

    Meanwhile, the Flying Spaghetti Monster has actually been caught on film off the coast of Angola yesterday.

    But he appeared on my toast before he appeared in Angola.

  • sceptinurse

    But do we get to stone him if he’s wrong? That is, after all, the punishment laid down in his bible for false prophets.

  • Aikane Kai

    Trump is the apocalypse. Finally something that makes sense.

  • DumbHairyApe

    I like his shiney forehead. I want to rub something on it.

  • DumbHairyApe

    He probably also predicted that God was going to use Dole as a doiley.

    Hey, wait- is this guy saying that God wants to blow Trump???

  • SilasMarner

    Blah blah blah blah blah, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit

  • Kissmagrits

    Second coming? You mean there was a first?

    “Trump shall be My trumpet – – ” Did he really say that?

    • Câl

      Even funnier as a Brit, where in many parts of the country trump is a slang word for fart.

      • Which has to make the old show “Trumpton” a bit of a laugh 🙂

      • Sowhat?

        In Spanish TROMPA it’s the snout of a Pig !!!
        Look how Trump puts his mouth when he talks:
        It looks like a ‘pocked butt whole ‘
        If God it’s considering coming around again….
        And Trump has anything to do do with it ?
        It has to be that ‘ Horrendous Orange Wig ‘
        God want’s come and pull it off

  • StuckNtexas

    Hearing voices, huh? There are medications & psych wards for that!

    • BudClark

      And LARGE lithium suppositories. My Pastafarius, those EYES! Not in a dark alley with THAT one wish I to be, light sabre or no!

  • TexPlant

    I still do not get how this is not considered a sign of mental illness. An imaginary being speaks to these nutters and tells them things. They are either telling big lies or they’re fucking nuts.

  • NMNative

    Listening to the voices in your head. They have pills for that now.

  • Lamont Williams

    “I will not attempt to defend myself here,” Translation: I know I’m talking out of my nether regions and I don’t want to hear you tell me that or let on that you know I’m nuts.

  • Ellen Sandbeck

    Which comes first, the religiosity or the insanity?

  • Jerry Fred Kolbe


  • Bruce Norbeck

    I really want to believe this is satire. It *is* satire, right? Please, o please say it is.

  • MishyHatesYou

    Hearing voices in your head huh? Yeah that’s totally normal. Guess everyone else who hears voices is also speaking to God. Wow, pretty messed up.

  • Sowhat?

    I have 1 reason to belive this Dude:
    Trump’s Orange Wig it’s so horrible !!!
    That even God it’s considering a Trip down here to come and :
    Take it off from him 😉

  • Chayste in LA

    So…generally speaking, these guys just don’t stop to think before they say shit, do they?

  • Rugby42

    I am thinking of a Bible passage in relation to this, and I am not trying to offend anyone by this, it just something I think of when anyone says something similar to what this pastor said: 2 Corinthians 11:14 – And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. And that is just a warning about being deceived by people who profess to being the “good one” ,etc., or at least how I take it. I would hope the Pastor’s congregation would question him on his prophesy. I guess the next step for this pastor could be a Go Fund Me page to support him or some other cause, that seems to be the current trend.

  • Hytyjin

    No joke, I thought this would say that Trump is the anti-Christ.