Michele Bachmann: Christians Should Rejoice That Obama’s Iran Deal Is Bringing The End Times [AUDIO]

According to Crazy Eyes, Christians should be rejoicing that President Obama’s nuclear deal with Iran is bringing about the End Times. Via Right Wing Watch:

In an interview with Religious Right radio host Jan Markell this weekend, former Rep. Michele Bachmann once again claimed that President Obama is ushering in the End Times, this time citing the nuclear agreement with Iran as proof of the arrival of the Last Days. Bachmann claimed that the unanimous UN Security Council vote to approve the agreement was “the most important national security event of my lifetime” because it fulfilled the prophecy of Zechariah 12:3 that all the nations of the world will unite against Israel, “with the United States leading that charge.” She added that God and “heaven’s armies” will use groups like AIPAC to defeat the deal in Congress and in doing so “prove to the world His power and His strength.” Bachmann told listeners that they should feel “encouraged” by the fact that they are living in the End Times, explaining that these dark times are actually the best time to be alive since that means the world will soon come to an end. “The prophets longed to live in this day that you and I are privileged to live in,” Bachmann said.

  • bambinoitaliano

    I see that Lady Bird is still not putting out. One frustrated lady she is.

    • Ed Burrow

      putting out, coming out..
      po-ta-to, po-tah-to..

  • Happy Dance

    I wish her end time would come. She needs to retire and go live under a rock!

    • Todd20036

      Even maggots don’t want her as a neighbor.

  • Michael Rush

    ahhh , the bible

    Psalm 137:9
    Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks.

    • Ted.OR

      Since the Psalms originally were songs, I wonder how the tune of that one went.

  • AtticusP

    Well, if I went home to this every night, I would probably be looking forward to the end times too…

    • txscotty39

      That is one scary pic. I can’t even imagine!

      • hudson11

        please, please, please, tell me that was photoshopped.

    • Rebecca Gardner

      Totally straight! *chuckle*

      • Joseph Miceli

        Yeah….up the ass or down the throat.
        Which is not a bad thing unless you are in a loveless faux-marriage with a hateful bible shrew and perform taxpayer funded ex-gay therapy.

    • Michael Rush

      there’s someone who hasn’t had his ” i am what i am ” moment yet

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4VMudwlVEU&t=1m41s

      • VodkaAndPolitics

        I had a literal “I am what I am” moment. My Uncle was in the pit orchestra for La Cage, and so I went to go see it, not even having the remotest idea what the show was about. It was during that number that I decided to leave the Roman Catholic Priesthood.

        • Fantastic.

        • CB

          Musical theater is more powerful than religion. I’ve always maintained that! Congratulations.

      • I’m not sure I’ve quite had the full moment yet. It’s been more of a 5 year plan.

      • 2karmanot

        Blue is not Marcus’ color. I’d go for fuchsia with a matching Hermes clutch.

        • Joseph Miceli

          What? No Bugle beads? I think Marcus would look just darling in this hot number.

    • Steverino

      I suspect Marcus lives for another kind of “end times.”

      • Joseph Miceli

        Well, I live for the “end times” too. I’m just more generous than Marcus, that faux-Christian. I like to give, give, give!!!

    • crewman

      Isn’t he in next season’s American Horror Story?

      • AtticusP

        American Horror Story: Closet Case.

        • VodkaAndPolitics

          Damn, you beat me to it.

        • Javier Smith

          Closet Case goes well with Basket Case (Michelle)

      • VodkaAndPolitics

        American Horror Story: Closet

    • Mcflyer54

      Marcus will never play Albin/ZaZa – he’s WAY to effeminate for the role.

    • VodkaAndPolitics

      I think he keeps telling her that “Jesus came again last night” and he rejoices that his wife is so dumb”

      • Joseph Miceli

        Why? Because Jesus is the pool boy?
        (snicker!)

    • Dale082

      Can you imagine peeking through a Glory Hole and seeing that face looking back at you?

      • Todd20036

        Can you imagine doing so after you had stuck your dick through?

        • Joseph Miceli

          That is EXACTLY why I never did glory holes.

    • Todd20036

      I’ve met effeminate straight men, just as I’ve met masculine gay ones.
      He’s just nuts either way. If he wants to waste his life trying to not be gay, I could not care less, but when he tries to force his views on children, that is where I draw the line

    • geoffalnutt

      Looks like a cross between Chucky and Liberace…and a little Carol Channing.

      • Joseph Miceli

        Great. I have this vision of Marcus dressed in a white, floor length dress covered in bugle beads, with a white ostrich feather collar, singing “Hello Dolly” while simultaneously eating a corn dog.
        Oddly enough, a simple Google search reveals the dress!

        • 2karmanot

          Ah, the Bugle toy of Company Bachman.

    • crewman

      • 2karmanot

        Suddenly I feel very sad.

    • You are not right, LMFBAO.

    • Princess Lardass

      Dear lord! I wish I had the power to ‘unseen’ that. The power of Christ compels me!

      • Joseph Miceli

        Marcus loves holy water, specifically Gun Oil.

    • Oscarlating Wildely

      Oh Ladybird! How I’ve missed you so! And that beaming smile! All I can say is Come, my dear departed lost one, let us sit on the front porch with a fan and eat a peach whilst we sit in this lovely rocker built for two– and compare our lacy under unmentionables. The Misses will never know!

  • Oh my gosh there she is.
    Trying on bandages as a fashion statement.
    She eludes to blood being spilled but didn’t splatter herself.
    Heavenly!
    How much money will she earn for this?
    Perhaps next time she could be more up to par and craft something out of wood?

    • WiMountainBear

      Crosses made from glue & popsicle sticks….

  • Todd20036

    In a weird way, she has a point. Given the RWNJs spouting Jesus and the Rapture, you’d think they’d want this to happen.

    And btw, I keep thinking of that lyric by Meatloaf: “… and I am waiting for the end of time, so that I can end my time with you.” when I look at the Bachmans.

  • Michael Rush

    ” because it fulfilled the prophecy of Zechariah 12:3 that all the nations of the world will unite against Israel, “with the United States leading that charge.”

    how many times is the United States mentioned in the bible ?

    • You have to have crazy eyes in order to see it. Merely squinting won’t help. But it’s there!

      • David Walker

        Jesus roamed here and the native Americans are the lost tribe. Oh, wait. That’s a different infallible, inspired book of god.

      • StraightGrandmother

        Yeah remember that Crazy Eyes magazine cover?
        You know she and Marcus were professional Foster parents, right?
        They built a bedroom back of the kitchen, and put in bunk beds so that they could have 6 foster girls at a time. And they only took girls. I don’t know how much foster care pays but if it was $1,000 a month that is some nice cha-ching!

        Of course their children had their bedrooms on the other side of the house, the family side.

        To be a nice person and augment your income a family may take in one or two foster children, but when you are taking in 6 at a time (and it might have been 8) you are doing it as a business not for compassionate reasons.

        • Six Pins Delores

          It was foster child/cattle farming. They are the sleaziest scumbags aren’t they.

        • Chucktech

          Not to mention, the “values” being inculcated to these foster kids…

          • Bad Tom

            “You are sick, and therefore a valuable commodity.”
            Not the best self-image to internalize.

        • clay

          and the girls spent most of their time being “fostered” by the Bachmanns in residential medical facilities. The Bachmanns would sign on for the length of time necessary for rehab, only.

          • StraightGrandmother

            Really? I wasn’t aware of that.

            In other words, say a girl had a drug, alcohol, eating disorder problem she would go in patient at a treatment facility. The Bachman’s would sign on as the foster parents and the girl never even lived with them, lived at a treatment center and then they would collect the foster care fee?

          • Joseph Miceli

            So I wonder where the “liberal media” was when that was going on. Investigating Benghazi, no doubt.

    • Jeffg166

      In the secret codes known only to true christians 666 times.

    • right there after France, Spain, England and the Byzantine Empire.

    • Ted.OR

      Well, if your bible includes the Book of Mormon…

    • Bad Tom

      Or nuclear weapons?

  • Rebecca Gardner

    Religion and religious beliefs need to be added to the DSM. We must rid the world of this crippling disease.

    • Ed Burrow

      Dick Sucking Men?

      • Chucktech

        I believe it’s “Diagnostics and Statistics Manual.”

  • shellback

    I recall a time when people like her were laughed at and not taken seriously. What the hell happened?

    • joe ho

      a pandering ronald reagan gave jerry falwell and the “moral majority” formal recognition and invitiations to the white house. the bushes followed suit.

      • JW Swift

        Not to mention the same president gutting the nation’s mental health care…

        • Bj Lincoln

          Yea…..that helped alot.

    • Pendulums swing so don’t anyone warn her.
      It will be an act from above.

    • MDB

      Well, most do not take her seriously and laugh their asses off every time she opens her mouth to utter yet another pearl of wisdumb.

    • Bj Lincoln

      The Moral Majority happened. This country has been run by them since……until Obama.

      • Chucktech

        And now, they’re shocked and alarmed to see even the first glimmer of that tide changing.

    • 2karmanot

      Jerry Springer

  • JustSayin’

    The words united states and america appear nowhere in the bible….flailing around to stay relevant and to keep ms. Marcus is pearls.

  • joe ho

    ….

    • Chucktech

      Alas, every clinical trial for the cure so far has been an abject failure.

      • joe ho

        not at all. high-profile atheists like dawkins, harris, and loftus constantly receive testimonials from faith-heads who after reading their works have left their superstitious lifestyle behind. you should follow dawkins on twitter. a lot of ex-believers shout out to him.

  • MDB

    What does God/Heaven need with an a puny human army ?? So her version of God is NOT omniscient and omnipotent ?? Her pearls of wisdom are so enlightening; she’s nucking futz !!!!

    Revelation 19:14 And the armies of heaven, arrayed in fine linen, white and pure, were following him on white horses. 15 From his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations, and he will rule them with a rod of iron. He will tread the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God the Almighty.

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_–YjWiyF8eE/SztbOVch2sI/AAAAAAAAGAU/LKNpA135el8/s400/political-pictures-michele-bachmann-crazy.jpg

    • olandp

      Guess being omniscient and omnipotent isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. God just can’t seem to work His will and get things done, not to mention he is a terrible money manager, always broke and begging for more.

    • oikos

      Her gawd is all hat and no cattle.

      • MDB

        All show and no go !

        • David Walker

          Her god is too small.

      • Ted.OR

        Her gawd hasn’t had sex for over 2000 years, so he’s bound to have some pent-up frustration.

      • Chucktech

        An ugly hat, too. Just like the damn Pope wears.

    • shellback

      So, is there a linen factory in heaven? Is there a sweat shop cranking out linen robes? Swords, iron rods? Where do they get all this stuff? And did you ever wonder how they put on white robes over those big wings. It all sounds pretty fanciful to me.

      • David Walker

        Yes. The souls of the slaughtered babies and unwed mothers in those nun-run Irish baby seller joints are the worker bees. As god intended all along.

      • Paula

        They outsource that to the same factory that makes wands for Hogwart’s students.

        • Ginger Snap

          Oooooo! I see a great Hollywood blockbuster in the future Sweatshops of the Gods.

      • zhera

        Velcro.

        • MDB
          • Chucktech

            Um… what the fuck is this??

          • MDB

            Acme angel-wings. Some assembly required.

        • Bj Lincoln

          Velcro was brought to us from another planet. Did you not see Men in Black?
          I get my ‘secret’ messages from where I want.

          {snark}

          • Ginger Snap

            I just love that JMG commenters pull obscure stuff from everwhere and bigots just have the bible.

      • Chucktech

        Don’t leave out the gold… All that gold…

    • 2karmanot

      Jesus MGB, ya just gave me a terrible headache.

  • oikos

    I thought marriage equality was bringing the end times? I wish they would make up their minds.

    https://i1.wp.com/listverse.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/h-bomb.jpg?resize=600%2C458

    • That is a blast!

    • Mcflyer54

      Before that it was integration, then interracial marriage, followed by abortion. They keep moving the goal post because, well because their God just can’t seem to accommodate them (or answer they prayers). Bachmann is just like Harold Camping she’s just smart (?) enough not to attach any specific date to her end of times predictions.

    • JIM W

      Marriage equality only caused the fires in California. Of course marriage equality and other things may accumulate to case the “End Times”. One never knows with the morons.

    • Ginger Snap

      I think I was at that Circuit Party in 98, the best light show ever.

      • Joseph Miceli

        Guuurrrlll! The last time I saw anything like that it was New Years 1989 and I was on 7 tabs of really good X.
        Then I got old. Blah.

    • Bluto

      Apparently The Radical Gay Lobby, End Times Department, wasn’t able to quite pull it off. In their defense it has been a hectic year.

    • JT
      • Oscarlating Wildely

        Oh, please! In the name of god, let them be right soon! A world sans the Raptured Christians– sheer and total bliss. I’d say I get dibs on their crap but their homes are were taste goes to die.

  • Richard Rush

    Every time I hear Christians talk about the End Times, I have to chuckle. In a world with science ascending and their religion descending, there really is an end-times approaching, but it’s not what they think.

    • Trog

      Christians who talk lovingly of the approaching End Times … scare the bejeezus out of me!!! Seriously, this is some dangerous cray cray. These people are in power — and they WANT a nuclear war? With other insane religious tribes?

      YIKES!

  • Eebadee-eebadee-thatsallfolks

    Oh, Michelle, it’s been so long. We missed your cray cray insights. Let’s do this again in, say, 50 years.

  • crewman

    By that reasoning Christians should never seek medical care, because the sooner they die, the sooner they’re with Christ. But we all know they do everything possible to stay alive as long as they can, just like anyone who doesn’t believe in Christ. Their actions speak louder than words. People who use this anti-logic should not be in any position of power.

    • Chucktech

      That’s because they KNOW, waaay deep down inside, in their heart of hearts, it’s all bullshit.

  • Sam_Handwich

    i’m gonna hunker down in the breadbox until things settle down

    • Ginger Snap

      Is it lead lined?

  • A Big Sarcastic Fairy!

    She is such a delusional bitch, and I’m not talking about her “husband”. 🙂

  • Paula

    Bachmann? Bachmann? Who was she again?

    • David Walker

      Sorry. Can’t resist. “Who is she? Who was she? Who does she hope to be?” (Boys in the Band)

      • 2karmanot

        “Oh Neely, Neely, what have you done?”

  • zhera

    Why would god defeat the deal in Congress if the world is to end? Nuclear Armageddon sounds very biblical, if you ask me. If anything, god in the sky should give nuclear arms to ISIS and North Korea and a few more to guarantee the end of everything.

    But that’s too logical for Crazy Eyes.

    • clay

      Zech 13:3, BTW, has Jerusalem spilling out the cup of the grapes of wrath– it’s Israel that starts the nuclear apocalypse, if you want to read it anyway that doesn’t apply to 550-520 bce.

    • wmforr

      It’s their Second Amendment right.

  • Mcflyer54

    Hard to believe this woman was once on the Senate Intelligence Committee. But I’ll give her credit, unlike most of the bible beaters she’s actually looking forward to the end of the world instead of complaining about it. After all, isn’t an eternal life in heaven what these folks profess to be living for?

    • when was she a Senator?

      • Lakeview Bob

        Good point.

    • Lakeview Bob

      It is less astonishing that she was elected to congress and more so that the loonies in her district put her there. You have to be crazy to vote crazy.

    • Chucktech

      House, I believe, not Senate.

  • Silver Badger

    Why is she waiting? She could be in the arms of Jesus at any time.

  • Michael Smith

    I can remember being told years ago that a news story about Israel was a sign of the end times. Jesus is a procrastinator.

  • Sashineb

    Yeah, I know for sure that I’ll be thrilled to see the last of them.

  • dcurlee

    This woman is just bat shit crazy

  • Michael Rush
    • SockMikey

      Duckbill Dinosaur… 🙂

      • delk

        C’mon! Humans wouldn’t ride dirty dinosaurs. They’d keep them clean.

        • Mcflyer54

          Bachman thought “The Flintstones” was a documentary.

          • Todd20036

            Yabba Grabba Shrew!

      • Lakeview Bob

        Com’on. Not even Bachmann would say that. It must be made up. But then I have been known to be wrong, (as I scratch my head)

        • SockMikey

          It’s a satirical meme.

          It pokes fun at many of Michelle Bachmann’s comments regarding evolution and intelligent design.

          http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2011/06/michele-bachmann-greatest-hits

          2003: Bachmann, then a state senator, explains why she doesn’t agree with the theory of evolution: “Where do we say that a cell became a blade of grass, which became a starfish, which became a cat, which became a donkey, which became a human being? There’s a real lack of evidence from change from actual species to a different type of species. That’s where it’s difficult to prove.”

          *****

          In below video Bachmann said “there are hundreds and hundreds of scientists many of them that have won Nobel prizes that believe in intelligent design”.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Damah0KH-Co

          • 2karmanot

            Now, if the Baby J. had been stillborn all this shit would be moot.

      • John T

        As much as I hate Michele Bachmann and her pandering stupidity, I’m actually a bit relieved to find out that she’s not quite that stupid. http://www.snopes.com/politics/quotes/dinobones.asp

  • Dale

    Go away, you geopolitically ignorant slime.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Perhaps the headline should read:

    Michele “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann confirms Christianity to be a Suicide Cult

  • JW Swift

    Awww, look at her. She tried to draw a logical conclusion. Ain’t that cute?

    • Chucktech

      She was using gawd, and Jeezy, and the bible, how’d she go off the rails?

  • StraightGrandmother

    What an absolute crack-pot.
    So GLAD she is no longer in Congress.
    Plus cut back on the makeup Michelle.

  • Yalma Cuder-Zicci

    Her poor kids. Just starting out in life and their mom is filling their heads with this “end times” shit.

    • Ginger Snap

      Sounds like good christian parenting.

  • bkmn

    Cult.

  • Ginger Snap

    Now this is some funny shit and I needed the laugh today. The crazy that infects their brains caused by the bible is just astounding.

    • Lakeview Bob

      Ain’t that the truth!

  • Ted.OR

    On a related note, I forgot to mention this in yesterday’s article about Pat Robertson. A few days ago, one viewer’s question was along the lines: “I heard that Jesus is coming back in Sept. 2015. Is that true? Why hasn’t this been in the news more?”

    Pat’s answer was that “we know we are definitely in the end times now. But as it says in the bible, no one knows when Jesus will return. Not even Jesus himself knows when he will return. So anyone who gives a specific date is a false prophet.”

    • Chucktech

      Pffft! Don’t gawd know everything?? Ain’t Jeezy the same thing as gawd?

      I’m beginning to think this god thing is all bullshit…

    • 2karmanot

      That works: Give Jesus more money so he can buy a calendar.

    • wmforr

      But we do know that St. Paul told his followers that some of them would still be alive. So we can assume that the world ended around two thousand years ago.

  • Gerry Fisher

    It unnerves me to think about the amount of power given to this crazy woman…and those like her.

  • Slippy_World

    Rapture update -the index is just at 179 from an all time high of 188.Things need to get a bit worse before the Trumpets will blare :

    http://www.raptureready.com/rap2.html

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qU7PY7ZG7SA

    • LonelyLiberal

      Catching a baby like that without supporting the head? Enjoy the shaken baby syndrome, if the kid survives at all.

    • 2karmanot

      A Gabriel blew my horn once in ‘P’Town sometime back, Never knew he was an angel, but he did look like one.

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    “It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.”

    People that believe we need to support Israel or god will punish us should be banned from politics. People that believe that we can’t do anything about climate change because god would never flood the world again should be banned from politics. Those that believe we shouldn’t teach our kids comprehensive sex ed because everyone should and will wait until marriage should be banned from holding political office.

    • Friday

      Of course, by ‘Support Israel’ they mean, ‘Support the Religious Right in Israel to start a regional war that will result in glorious destruction of Israel and death or conversion to all Jews and the end of the world plus fabulous profits and … Ok, it’s really somewhere between a Bond villain and Savranarola’s idea of ‘support’ but details details. I think they’re in a hurry to bomb Iran before they start getting too moderate there.

    • Chucktech

      Damn that pesky Constitution and it’s no-litmus test buzz kill…

      • Raising_Rlyeh

        I realize that my view if it were to be enacted would be rightfully deemed unconstitutional. However I wish this people would not be able to get elected as their religious ideology is a serious threat to not only the nation but also to humanity as a whole.

  • geoffalnutt

    Well, when she finally dies then she can say “I told you so!”

  • Ninja0980

    Been wondering when we would hear from old crazy eyes again.

  • DesertSun59

    This woman’s addiction to Bronze Age mythology invented by tribal tent-dwelling Jews is so extreme that she wants YOU to be addicted to it, too. Name exactly one thing this woman has ever said that is grounded in reality. Just one thing.

    • only this

      What she said about Marcus: “He was buying doggie sunglasses for our dog Boomer.”

    • Chucktech

      I admit, nothing springs to mind…

    • 2karmanot

      “Accessories”?

  • LonelyLiberal

    Ah, Crazy Eyes and her wife, Crazy Thighs.

  • John T

    Mainstream Christians believe in this terrifying nonsense. Mainstream Christians believe that war and genocide and apocalypse are good as long as they are part of “the plan” which their pastors interpret from the hallucinatory “prophecies” of their ancient scriptures. Mainstream Christians pine for more and more deadly global conflicts and irreversible environmental destruction because they believe that these things are all about ratcheting up the mayhem until the Second Coming. Mainstream Christians in our midst are dangerous people.

  • D. J.

    So this is Michele’s new grift…..
    She should have never been elected.
    She should have never been seated on the committee assignments she held.
    No wonder the Christianists are getting crazier and crazier. This is what they listen to 24/7 for entertainment.

  • Rod Steely

    In keeping with the La Cage theme and with a nod to Jerry Herman… The end of times is now! What’s left of summer but a mushroom cloud…

  • anne marie in philly

    why should we listen to this washed-up bitch and why should we care? STFU, bitch!

  • ElJiffy

    So if Obama’s bringing on the end times, according to God’s plan, why do they hate him so much?

    • Chucktech

      Something about being a negr… er, the antichrist. Or something.

  • ElJiffy

    “Bachmann told listeners … that these dark times are actually the best time to be alive since that means the world will soon come to an end”.
    That’s so insane, I just can’t …

  • Tom (Winnipeg)

    Good grief, the mentality is unbelievably empty-headed.

  • Queequeg

    She’s like the crazy ambassador on “The Brink”, and excellent and pretty funny show on HBO.

  • EdmondWherever

    So, first they say….

    That is Zechariah 12:3 folks, that has been predicted for lots and lots of years

    Then a little later we hear….

    This isn’t a done deal, as you and I speak, this still can be overturned

    Which one is it? Is this an inevitable prediction from God which cannot be avoided, or just an inconvenient policy decision, to be reversed? Why are you loonies always so damned vague and self-contradictory?

  • DaveMiller135

    This is why I would prefer politicians keep whatever guidance their religion offers them, to themselves.

  • Octavio

    Bachmann is still a thing? How can she still be a thing? She’s no longer a minority congresswoman from MIN. I thought she was gone. Why dwell on the dead and buried? She’s not a thing. Well, she is a “thing”, but not a “thing.” :-0

    • Friday

      Well, sometimes it’s nice to look at the bullet you dodged? 🙂 Imagine if she was anywhere near the White House. 🙂

  • Interesting POV. Maybe there will be a push from the lunatic fringe of the Religious Right wing to *approve* the Iran deal! That would make up for the defection of Chuck Schumer and other Democrats whose misplaced allegiances seem to put Israel’s foreign policy interests ahead of those of the United States.

  • 2karmanot

    Yawn…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • Tor