GOP Candidates Reveal Pre-Debate Rituals

Via Bustle:

We’re just hours away from the first Republican primary debate on Thursday evening. At 5 p.m., seven candidates who trailed in the polls will present their stance before the 10 leading candidates take the stage for the main event at 9 p.m. Some have participated in dozens of these debates — or, at the very least, similar speeches, interviews, and campaign events — so, naturally, they’ve developed certain habits and traditions to help them prepare. In a video made by the website Independent Journal Review, the 2016 Republican candidates reveal their pre-debate rituals that help them get centered and focused. Some of these will surprise (and delight) you. The video, which was uploaded to YouTube on Thursday just hours before the debates, appears to have been made before Fox News announced its lineup of the 10 candidates who will be partaking in the primetime debate, as it features several of the candidates who will be taking the 5 p.m. stage. That distinction should not matter, however, because the earlier debate will be equally important in shedding light on the GOP candidates’ positions.

  • Gustav2
  • Javier Smith

    Please tell me that some of them include doing tequila shooters followed with a beer chaser. It would help me identify with them more as that is what I’M doing before I watch the show.

  • TommyTune

    They left out the one biggie they all do: jerk off while watching a YouTube video of Ronald Reagan giving a speech.

    • JT

      Trump jerks off while watching clips of himself.

      • Rex

        And, then he has some cream to keep his hair in place.

        • 2karmanot

          I believe that’s glue.

      • pj

        or while brushing his hair 100 times….

      • TommyTune

        I think you might be on to something there. I would guess that his hair gets hard first.

        • JT

          From the previous application of his frothy Maximum Firm Hold cream.

    • vorpal

      Carly especially.

      • TommyTune

        I don’t even want to go there.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    Tip to others : Don’t go Full screen.

    • Gustav2

      Before the debate Jebya! needs to do something about the nose hairs.

      • bkmn

        Those are thoughts. If they are trimmed he won’t be able to access any of his thoughts.

      • People4Humanity

        I know teh gehz won’t be touching them.

    • barracks9

      HD TV is not everyone’s friend.

      • Gustav2

        Would not be mine!

        • barracks9

          I prefer a strong back light!

      • LonelyLiberal

        At my age, I find my best lighting is candle and/or moon.

    • vorpal

      I’ll do you one step further and not hit play :-).

      • bkmn

        You are wise, very wise.

      • Ragnar Lothbrok

        You had me at ” do you “

        • vorpal

          When I hit play on that (repeatedly), I hope you will be properly fastened in for your own safety. =evil grins=

  • another_steve

    Will someone please tell me WTF that is? Is it for real, or a parody?

    Is this where American politics has taken us — to “behind the scenes” schlock videos of what Presidential candidates do prior to a debate?

  • bkmn

    Pre-debate Rituals for Today’s GOP field:
    1. Load ass up with stuff to pull out of it later
    2. Add head to ass
    3. Wear smart clothing that is stain resistant so you don’t damage suit from all the blood splatter
    4. Sharpen knives
    5. Kiss the rings of your biggest donors

  • Lumpy Gaga

    Yup. Carly was just the kind of tech-head needed to really make HP thrive.

  • pickypecker
  • rextrek1

    wait… no punching bags with Hillary or Obama’s face on them? LOL

  • barracks9

    Well, that did absolutely nothing to convince anyone that these talking suits are actually human beings.

    Oh, and Lindsey – you say you’re listening to Motown, but really, you’re just lip-synching to The Supremes Greatest Hits. Ya know, sort of like Campbell Scott doing “Dream Girls” in “Long Time Companion”.

  • BeaverTales

    I am sure praying to Jebus is not a “pre-debate ritual”. That is something they save for doing in front of everybody. They like to be watched.

    Sucking cock is something they don’t do in front of everybody, but seem to do a lot of it in private. Ask Lindsey-belle.

  • Rex

    What? No tension relieving toe-tapping in the nearest tea-room?

  • BobSF_94117

    Some have participated in dozens of these debates

    Hold on. Has there ever been a “debate” with seven participants on national TV, let along the ten in the clown-fest to follow?

    • MattM

      Wait, were you expecting them to tell the truth?!

    • StevenMN

      Point well taken. How is it even possible with all the participants. Given that commercial TV gives about 30% time to ads that leaves barely enough time for openings and closings for each person.

      To qualify as a “debate” really stretches the definition. They’re only sharing the same stage. OH,WAIT. It will give us time to analyze who is wearing the proper American lapel pin. Wasn’t that the GOP arguing point last time around with Obama?

  • Brian J.

    For the minor league debate tonight, what rituals can you have for something you’ve never done before and will likely never do again?

    For the others, lobotomies are only for special occasions, right?

  • Mike in Texas

    “Some of these will surprise (and delight) you.”

    So was anyone surprised and/or delighted?

    • MattM

      I’m delighted by how foolish they all seem.

  • Rex

    Ben Carson burns suggestions that people write him? Am I the only one that thinks this is disturbing? Imagine him in the Oval Office with a pack of matches. Remind me not to send him a Christmas Card.

    • People4Humanity

      Don’t send Carson a Christmas card.

      Oh. You mean closer in.

  • StevenMN

    C’mon folks. I normally would not have anything good to say about these people, but can’t you sit back and enjoy some light-hearted fun… This might be your first and last chance to witness some moments that aren’t mean-spirited lies.

  • billbear1961

    GOP pre-debate rituals?

    Pulverize what’s left of the truth and decency, hone the LIES.

    Make sacrifice to the bloody NRA gun-god, and, above all, to MAMMON, the chief GOD of the pus-hearted.

  • 10_39

    Kissing Scott Walker’s butt pretty hard, there, aren’t they? They made Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio look like utter fools.

  • JEB Bush probably also fucks his mom before the debates. Weird fucking family.

  • Homo Erectus

    “At 5 p.m., seven candidates who trailed in the polls will present their stance….”
    And what a wide stance it is.