NOM: This Is No Time To Panic

“Despite the dreadful blow the Court dealt to traditional marriage, it is not time to panic. Instead, we must massively expand our efforts to restore marriage in America as the union between one man and one woman. We must take action! We must fight back! This is not just about marriage — it is about protecting the rights of people of faith, houses of worship and religious institutions — the very foundation of our nation. Because you are reading this, I believe you are a defender of marriage. But it is not time to stay silent! Take an important step RIGHT NOW by making a gift to the National Organization for Marriage. We need your immediate contribution if we are not to lose a day in this critical fight. We must raise $500,000 in the next 60 days — an amount that is reachable if everyone, including you, gives your best gift right now to help us restore marriage in America.” – Hate group leader Brian Brown, a money beg that contains eleven links to their donation page.

  • GC

    We must fight back against the heathen godless libruls forcing ministers and priests to perform gay “marriages”! Oh, wait…

    • Jonathan V. Romero

      It’s obvious that these scum-sucking,low life pus-bags don’t get how socially retarded and intellectually impotent they look! This is the shit we’re up against! They sound like a bunch of terrorists!

  • Ben in Oakland

    shorter version.

    • GC

      As George Carlin pointed out, God is all-powerful, but he always needs money!

      • Marides48

        As the song says, “she’s buying a stairway to Heaven”.

  • MarkOH

    NOM. You have LOST this fight. Quit lying for personal monetary gain!

  • Sam_Handwich

    Still curious how much debt NOM is in.

    o/t from Kentucky


      Thanks for the update.

    • David

      She couldn’t attend because she had to walk her dog.

  • bryan

    Brian, it’s not a ‘gift’ when you desperately demand it.

  • bkmn

    And with marriage equality the law of the land and the world did not stop spinning, even more people will see that it is no big deal, except for Brian and NOM who are little more than beggars.

  • GC

    … and not a peep from them about the religious freedom of the millions of people who do celebrate and bless religious same-sex marriages! Or about how religious marriage has nothing to do with the institution in civil law…. I wonder why?

  • Stev84

    All the GoFundMe martyrs are cutting into their donation budget

    • GC

      Yeah, supporting memories of pizza….

  • TommyTune

    What dreadful blow to “traditional marriage?” I’m so sick of these people getting away with this bullshit that straight marriages are somehow harmed when gay people get hitched.

  • AW

    The picture looks like he is doing shadow puppets and she is easily entertained.


      That’s Tommy Peters having a chat with the missus.

      • oikos

        He’s begging to have her change his colostomy bag.

      • TampaDink

        They photo shopped out his chair.

        • PLAINTOM

          What would a NOM picture be without photo shop?

          • TampaDink

            An unedited stolen stock photo.

      • Blake Jordan

        Who is raising his arms though?

        • RaygunsGoZap

          Jeeby. Duh.

      • RaygunsGoZap

        Honey! Look how big of a buttplug I can get in there now that it’s dead.

  • Patrick

    Now that those radical militant homosexuals have finally grabbed all of the low-hanging fruit, now is the perfect time to fight back! Give today!

    • GC


    • Blake Jordan

      We do love those low-hangers…

      • Ginger Snap

        My favorite part of his tree the low hangers.

    • Todd20036

      Notice how he doesn’t say exactly what the money would be used for or how he could undo equality.

      The only way possible is to do a constitutional amendment, and that requires 3/4 of the states plus 2/3 of the House and Senate vote.

      Or another SCOTUS ruling against us.

      Good luck with that 1/2 a million.

      • GC

        “Or another SCOTUS ruling against us.”

        Precisely why we all need to register and VOTE (despite Rethuglican voter suppression efforts) — we can’t afford to have a future President nominate more Scalias and Alitos to the Supreme Court!

        • abel

          I hope that JMG and other blogs will reiterate your message over the coming months. This is the most important issue facing us.

        • kaydenpat

          Yep. Voting is crucial. If Republicans get into the White House, we are all screwed.

          • GC

            (And not in a good way.)

      • Steverino

        Likely the balloon payment on Brown’s refinanced mortgage payment is coming due soon, would be my guess.

    • JoeNCA

      Yup. Legal gay marriage in all 50 states is RIGHT WHERE THEY WANT US!

  • Rebecca Gardner

    Grifters gonna grift.

  • LonelyLiberal

    Honey, it’s over. You have collapsing Russia, the disaster that is the Middle East, the disaster that is much of Africa, and precious little else.

  • Michael Smith

    How is raising $500,000 going to restore marriage? Most people want to know that their money isn’t being wasted. I know this is a foreign concept to fundamentalists.

    • $500,000 won’t “restore” marriage …. but it will guarantee Brian Brown a paycheck.

      • KQCA

        It’s always about the money.

        Silly me. All this time I thought it was all about the bass, no treble.

      • RoFaWh

        Is there anybody else left at NOM than Brown?

        Or is he the last one on board?

        I hope he remembers to turn off the lights and turn down the heat when he leaves.

  • GC
  • sw42

    Yeah, but if you’d lost you’d still be asking for money, only it would be to “continue to fight the good fight”. And while everybody being allowed to marry is a terrible blow for Jeebus, it sure is good for your coffers, innit.

  • JoyZeeBoy

    Translation: “Brian is TOTALLY PANICKING. He might have to go to work for a living.”

    • lattebud

      And fly coach…

      • Lumpy Gaga

        Imagine facing Brian the length of a flight in that new geometric-seating arrangement that some airline has been floating around?

        If nothing else, where would he put his thighs?

        • lattebud

          That means someone would have to look at him

    • Soren456

      Two words for Brian: Minimum wage.

  • KQCA

    They’ll keep forcing their issue until America has no option but to place strict restrictions on public religious practices.

  • clarknt67

    Who are we kidding?!?! This is the worst thing ever to happen in the history of mankind!!!! Everyone panic!

    • GC
      • Lumpy Gaga

        Oh, sure it looks innocent. But it’s really a version of the Mexican standoff. Whoever wakes up first gets the claw advantage.

        • GC

          Heh… but these two actually live together, with no word from their human that it’s anything but peaceful.

          • B Snow

            So cute. I love interspecies friends.

          • Homo Erectus

            Know what that slippery slope leads to?

          • B Snow

            !!!! GAAAAADORABLE!!!!!!!

  • BlueberriesForMe

    That bold face type is so effective for fundraising. I’m going to send Brownshirt a paperclip, postage due.

    • John

      You may be on to something! At the risk of wasting postage, why don’t we all send Brownie paperclips? (Especially the gay and delightful multi-colored plastic ones.) Though poor in spirit, NOM would be rich in things to bind papers impermanently to other papers.

    • Soren456

      Just to follow up with a real question: It’s been my understanding that if mail is sent with just SOME postage on it, it will be delivered—postage due, which the receiver must then pay if he accepts it.

      Is this true?

      • Ragnar Lothbrok

        Has happened to me. PO locks my box until I pay the additional 13 cents someone neglected to include.

        • Soren456

          The possibility for mischief is interesting.

          • Ragnar Lothbrok

            { wink wink }

  • AmericanPaPISSED

    TLDR: Please keep me employed for a few more months.

  • Sam_Handwich

    Anyone remember the Don’t Panic store in Ptown? 😀

    • Lumpy Gaga

      It’s now the cape Kiehl’s?

  • tomfromthenews

    As for Brian’s final sentence: A fool and his/her money are soon parted.

  • barracks9

    “We must raise $500,000 in the next 60 days” Ah, the old “Oral-Roberts-Deadly-Deadline” school of grifting. Never gets old.


      Or the 600 foot tall Jesus will do something 🙂

    • Doug105
    • Nexus1

      Reverend Ike used to do the same thing. Remember Oral Roberts saying God would kill him if he didn’t raise 8 million dollars or something? I can’t understand how people like living in constant fear of a vengeful and spiteful deity? I guest some people are masochistic like that.

      • Jeffg166

        They worship the boogeyman.

      • charliebkk

        Oral Roberts once mailed me a tiny white cloth, with a tiny tube of “anointing oil”. I was instructed to put a bit on my forehead, and the rest on the cloth, which was to be mailed back to Oral (with $, or course) He would then take the cloth out into the desert and pray over it. Utterly insane. My boyfriend and I whacked off onto the cloth and sent it back (without $ of course). I never heard from him again. This happened in the late 70’s.

        • abel

          Great idea but I would have sent a dollar maybe, just in hopes he would pray over a rag of my jism.

        • Ed Burrow

          You wasted that seed?
          Uncool dude. Lol 🙂

          • Robincho

            Onan, thy grievous sin bemoan!…

        • Homo Erectus

          Did you use the oil?

    • Robincho

      Brianna von Skidmark forgets that we’re pretty much all down with (and on) Oral…

  • oikos

    This is an emergency, send money now because no other employer in their right minds would ever give me a job. Brian Brown

  • TampaDink

    Because fighting as a separated couple wasn’t working?
    Because front is winning?

  • oikos

    Coincidentally $500,000 is Brian Brown’s salary amount. Nothing to see here, move along folks and oh, send cash.

  • Tom G

    No need to panic.

  • DesertSun59

    “the very foundation of our nation”

    Premise is false. The Constitution is the foundation of our nation. Thus, the plea is false.

  • JaniceInToronto

    $500,000? Really? What about the millions he’s already spent and still lost. The idiots who give NOM money really must be as empty-headed as it gets. Jesus, what morons.

  • j.martindale
  • oikos

    Notice that mention of their secret plan to defeat marriage equality has mysteriously disappeared. All they have now is the frantic money grubbing beg.

  • Greg B.

    If it’s about “…protecting the rights of people of faith, houses of worship and religious institutions…” then the focus should be on repealing or rewriting anti-discrimination laws, not about re-banning same-sex marriage. If you’re working to make same-sex marriage illegal in order to achieve your stated goal of “protecting” religious people, then your argument – your entire movement – is resting on the basic idea that “it must be illegal because it conflicts with my religion”. Any rational person who knows that the U.S. is not a theocracy will tell you that such a position is entirely without merit and that your movement is completely illegitimate.

    • B Snow

      Their audience is not made up of rational people.

    • Baltimatt

      Didn’t many of our cake, flower, and photography martyrs come from places where same-sex marriage was not legal at the time of the offense?

  • LovesIrony

    This is not just about marriage, it’s about hating gay people

  • 2patricius2

    “Despite the dreadful blow the Court dealt to traditional marriage, it is not time to panic.”

    What blow to man/woman marriage? One of my nieces and one of my nephews are getting married in such marriages in September. Somehow they don’t seem to have gotten the message about the blow their pending marriages are about to sustain. Nor have my married brother and my married nieces and nephews gotten the messages.

    But I see the key to this message is this: “We must raise $500,000…” Brian needs to keep his salary for another year.

    • oikos

      They are the only ones panicking………………. at the loss of revenue. The rest of the country ,with the exception of a few clerks being sued, has already moved on.

    • CPT_Doom

      Don’t you see, you’ve proven Brian’s point already. Your niece and nephew are getting married! See incest is already happening! Oh, Noes! Eleventy!

      (What do you mean they’re marrying other people?)

  • OdieDenCo

    Nom nom nom: It’s National French Fry Day –headline today in Denver’s 9 news website (

  • Steven Leahy

    I have yet to see evidence that these hatemongers aren’t free to be disgusting bigots in their cult houses on PRIVATE property away from serving the public. BTW I will no longer refer to them as having “beliefs” which implies some sort of legitimacy.

  • Lumpy Gaga

    “It’s just a flesh wound!”

  • pleasebereasonable

    “We must raise $500,000 in the next 60 days”….so I don’t have to get a real job.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      Balloon payments on your Virginia Mcmansion are a bitch.

  • Ominous Verb

    Didn’t NOM tell us they had some unimaginably dreadful post-SCOTUS plan in the event that heterosexual supremacy wasn’t upheld? Something that they “pay they would never have to use” because of how terrible it would be?

    Oh please, don’t tell me that they were blowing smoke up everyones ass….

    • zhera

      Yup. And people had to donate before knowing what the sikrit weapon was. AFAIK, the sikrit weapon is still a sikrit…

  • Gyeo

    “Despite the dreadful blow the Court dealt to traditional marriage”

    I can see this line being used after Loving v. Virginia too, to be honest. Same douches different decade.

  • Dean

    If you act now you’ll get not one but TWO! TWO grift scams in one. We know we’re flogging a dead horse as far as marriage goes, but maybe some of you haven’t cottoned on and we can wring some more dollars out of you. As for the rest of you. We now have to make you scared that people who have waited this long for a basic human right, actually give a rats ass about your religion. News flash Brian Brown. We don’t. UNTIL you use it to encroach on our rights and liberties.

  • Michael Hampton

    His 8 kids and wife can’t eat hatred for gay people now can they?

    • Lumpy Gaga

      It’s a good diet suggestion for Pater Brown.

      • Homo Erectus

        Let them eat hate?

  • Ninja0980

    Brian Brown is getting desperate because his money train is drying up.

  • MDB

    Here Bri-Bri; fix THIS, you obese, irrelevant slimeball !!!!!!!!

  • delk

    This is not just about marriage — it is about protecting the rights of people of faith grifters, houses cults of worship greed and religious fraudulent institutions — the very foundation of our nation house of lies.

  • David

    We are getting closer to finding out the identities of NOM’s mega-donors.. These mega-donors fund 85% of NOM’s budget. They are NOM.
    All filings in the Maine Supreme Judicial Court will be complete by November. The court can allow oral argument or rule without it. Although the briefing schedule is longer and more lenient than I would have thought, it still puts us on track for a ruling in the first half of next year. If NOM loses, it will have to disclose its 2009 donors, and the mega-donors on that list are very likely to be the same for 2010-2015.

    • B Snow

      Thanks, I’ve been wondering what was going on with that. So they can’t appeal anymore if they lose this round?

      • David

        In theory, they could file a petition for cert with SCOTUS but it would be a borderline frivolous filing and would have no chance of being granted. The only reason for doing it would be to delay a bit longer, but the cost involved is significant and the delay would only be a couple of months. So for all intents and purposes, the Maine Supreme Judicial Court is endgame.

        • B Snow

          Thanks! Good to know.

      • Homo Erectus

        How will they pay their legal team?? Send money!!

  • bambinoitaliano

    I surprise they don’t do the chain link letter. You must contribute in the next 24 hours and send this letter to at least 10 of your family and friends or you will die of a tragic dead and jeebus will send you to hell for eternity.

  • rextrek1

    …what he is really saying is…my wife and I have a litter of 7 kids, and well……..the WELL is running dry…..and WELL you see……I never expected this to end…so , abruptly….and WELL……we have lots of Bills….
    …does this jagoff, really think he/they could get Marriage Equality Reversed in America….with 10’s of 1000’s of Gay cpls married, and or marrying?

    • abel

      Exactly. Except I think he has eight kids now.

  • Captain Jack

    ” do not panic, do not panic.. we are trained professionals “. Points for the movie!

  • Cuberly

    Don’t panic, Brownshirt has it under control….er…

    • zhera

      Jesus took the wheel!

      • Cuberly

        Jesus has a fucked up sense of humor! Ha!

  • cjs

    So if you people are, somehow, successful in getting something like a federal constitutional ban on same-sex marriage ratified by the required number of states, are you guys willing to un-marry people and start off a shit storm of civil unrest?

  • clarknt67

    For just $500K more we promise to fail even more spectacularly then we have the last 7 years!

    • Jeffrey

      “Look at all we’ve accomplished!”

  • Baltimatt

    Traditional marriage was not dealt a dreadful blow. It is still perfectly legal all across the country.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      But there are several counties where good ol’ “opposite marriage” is not getting licensed…. LOL.

  • KnownDonorDad

  • Curieux Bleu

    I hadn’t actually heard that straight married people were panicking already!

    I heard on Fauxy Snooze that a black robed unelected judge somewhere that they were still legally married until Gawd can make up his mind…

    About his millennial plan for yer Marriage ceremony and whether straights should be allowed to copy the example of gay folk and still get married.

    But …Yes! … it is True that they can no longer get straight married in about 14 counties down thar in yer Alabamy, cuz Gawd was destroyed down there anyhow by yer Supremes, on the good’ol boy say-so of yer Roy Moore, and he should know, right?

    So thus his plan is no longer in effect, at least in those courageous pilot counties which are doin’ real & amazing Sushiological research into “New Family Structures aren’t like, yer big Gay fer e.g.

    And yeah, that Diana Ross from the Supremes is a black ****** an’ all, and that is why in ‘Bamy yer white Ckkkristian Mammy can’t get hitched up nohow, even if her name is Kyla and she’s like, sweet on ol’ Roy, who’s getting on a bit, but Hallaloo! he’s got Moral Law and Cash Flowin’ down thar, well on the side, kinda, I guess.

    But I guess them other married folks with 8 kids and got no TV show, … they’all won’t be able to feed those wide open mouths crowd’in around the nest.

    And that could set off some panicky-ness if they don’t get 500k in time for that Sept mortgage on the mansion.

  • KQCA

    Where are all the divorces and flammable suicides we were promised over same sex marriage? I had my party hat and popcorn all ready for the show.

  • zhera

    500 000 in 60 days? Hahahahahahahahahaha

    Oh, I do hope that they REALLY MUST raise that and if if they fail they’ll go bankrupt.

  • Carl

    Uh-oh it sounds like Brian could be in desperate financial straits, what a shame. Now that the Supreme Court ruled and the decision pretty final most of his contributors must have given up sending money.

  • A Big Sarcastic Fairy!

    Yes, Panic please, I want to see you assholes run screaming through the streets avoiding this……

  • J̶a̶l̶a̶p̶e̶ñJoe Smithson

    Never an explanation of their plan. Nothing specific, just hyperbole to continue the grifting gravy train. Are the sheeple still buying this shit?

  • sherman

    Other things a moral god would prefer for you to spend $500k on:

  • Galvestonian

    Yeah…’don’t panic’ — it’s me that’s panicking — send money – no, send more money. Send me lots of money – because JEEBUS !

  • anne marie in philly

    this fuckwad is STILL begging for money? give it up, bri-bri, YOU LOST, GET OVER IT!

  • Luther Kreiger

    “With your donations, hundreds…no, thousands of stock photos are assembled and affixed words with Photoshop to feebly try and claim we have the support of more than the four our five people here at NOM! Donate today!”

  • SockMikey

    Dear NOM,

    I promise to send you a dollar for every tear I shed for your financial plight.


  • TexasBoy
  • kaydenpat

    It’s infuriating how much good could be done for needy people with half a million dollars instead of wasting it on a lost battle.

    • Reality.Bites

      It’s infuriating how many doughnuts could be bought for greedy people… because that money was never, ever, going to go to needy people.

  • Claude Jacques Bonhomme
    • Tor

      Oh, hell, that’s me on a good day.

      • Claude Jacques Bonhomme

        Hell, indeed!

  • Six Pins Delores

    “Despite the dreadful blow the Court dealt to traditional marriage, it is not time to panic.” LOLZ! That time to panic was prior three weeks ago Brian. What you are now reduced to is:
    “It was a dark stormy night…” And don’t forget Maine you pos!

    • Six Pins Delores

      And how is your most recent resume looking you fuck?

      • Tor

        For some reason that question planted an image of BB as a rent boy. EEEEEWWWW.

  • B Snow

    Woman paralyzed by fear as tentacle-man reaches towards her. Is this the next Sy-Fy original movie? (After “Sharknado 3 – Oh Hell No” of course,)

  • Baltimatt

    The woman barely has tits. For me to notice a woman’s tits (or lack thereof) …

    • Six Pins Delores

      Those are her elbows. For the love of gawd why is everyone so fascinated by womens breasts?

      • Baltimatt

        The people in the picture just look weird.

        • Homo Erectus

          I wonder where he stole that picture.

  • Tor

    Dear Nom,
    It is time to panic.
    We, the People

  • teedofftaxpayer

    Money beg, money beg, money beg. The pot must be drying up and someone has to pay those big salaries.

  • Queequeg

    Translation: We’re sinking fast, this may be the last chance we have to con you rubes out of your money before we go under completely.

  • Happy Dance

    Because you are reading this, I believe you are a defender of marriage….AND, you would be correct, and I will protect my marriage at all costs!!! People worked too hard and died for me to have it. Yes, I cherish it dearly!!

  • Jeffrey

    If we can just raise $500k immediately we can still afford to pay all our salaries, though no…we really can’t stop marriage equality.

  • CaliforniaDude

    who is actually dumb enough to send this Grifter money on a lost cause? God people are STUPID!

    • Homo Erectus

      God’s people are stupid. Fixed it.

  • Homo Erectus

    NOM – The most ineffective marriage equality opponent ever. Oh, and send money.

  • Davidjs

    ‘Despite the dreadful blow the Court dealt to traditional marriage, it is not time to panic.’

    What NOM really meant is:

    ‘It will only be time to panic when you stop sending us money. So send us all the money you have got, even if you can’t afford it, because JESUS! PRAISE GOD!’

  • Lookingup73

    Since the SCOTUS ruling I have attended two heterosexual marriages and received invitations to two more. God save Marriage!!! /s

  • GayEGO

    So what the Noxious Obtuse Monstrosity organization is really saying is “Don’t panic, pay us more money!” Really, that is all they are after, your money. Marriage does not need to be restored by any organization as it is between two people who decide to marry by obtaining a marriage license and having a marriage ceremony, whether it be a civil ceremony or a religious one. What a bunch of looney-tunes!

  • matt227

    OMG I am still laughing.