Sarah Palin Quits Her Pay Channel

Via Wonkette:

This July 4th, Sarah Palin celebrated America by announcing that she is quitting the Internet-teevee-channel grift, because quitting is what Sarah Palin does best. In video and text announcements on the Sarah Palin Channel, Governor Quitterface declared that as of August 1, anyone can consume premium, previously paywalled Palin content, because Sarah Palin is getting rid of her paywall for freedom, and not because the Sarah Palin Channel was an economic failure, heavens no. Palin’s video announcement tries to strike an upbeat tone, the way your folks did when they first told you that Fluffy would be living at a farm upstate, where he would have all sorts of room to run and chase chickens, doesn’t that sound fun for Fluffy

  • Philly Mike

    “Govenor Quitterface”, made me a Giggleface.

  • TommyTune

    Governor Quitterface…getting rid of her paywall for freedom, and not because the Sarah Palin Channel was an economic failure, heavens no.

    Ana Marie Cox of Wonkette has such a way with words. She is a national treasure.

    • Jamie Brewer

      I am so going to miss Wonkette’s “Fartknocker Report” which did a fairly regular analysis of the new weekly video offerings of Sarah’s Channel. Usually there would be barely 10 minutes of content to review, but the results were hilarious.

    • D. J.

      I don’t know the legal in and out regarding superpac funds, but I wonder if this can be used by her as a vehicle to access funds that are otherwise off limits to her?
      Can she now tap her superpac to pay herself a huge salary?
      There has to be a financial reason for her to do this.
      That media whore doesn’t do things for free.

    • Halloween_Jack

      Um, AMC hasn’t been with Wonkette for years, which is probably a good thing–however good she was in her early years, she’s skated around to a bunch of different places since (Time, the Guardian, GQ) and “came out” as Christian earlier this year. The current crew at Wonkette are just fine, though.

  • oikos

    Call me crazy, but I knew it would flop.

    • Todd20036

      The sexy legs alone tells me that’s a photoshopped masterpiece.

      • 2karmanot

        new camel toe

      • Prixator

        Well, she did pretend to be a runner, once.

    • TampaDink

      I adore the lovely blouse….the perfect fashion choice for looking stylish while being a danger to self & others.

    • robirob

      Do I detect an angry inch in her undergarment or is she just happy to be on a cover of a magazine?

  • Dan

    I don’t personally know what it’s like to be beloved by millions of teabaggers across the country but I assume if I did I’d probably BRUSH MY DAMN HAIR before making a video addressing all of them. Maybe dig a little deeper into my closet than the walmart hoodie? Or maybe I’d even clean my glasses, dontchaknow?

    • Lars De

      That was her whole “appeal” (and I use that term in the loosest possible sense). She was an everyman, just like you and me. And that was the first of a long long long list of problems with her. I don’t want a White House level politician that is equal to me. If I thought my level of intellect was sufficient I’d run for office myself, or at least walk at a moderately brisk pace. A president should have inspiring intelligence. Sorry 2016 GOP clown car, you’re all dismissed.

      • TampaDink

        The loosest sense possible is exactly how eldest daughter Bristle is best described. (Well that and knocked up…….again.)

        • Robincho

          Barstool… It’s what’s for dinner!

          • TampaDink

            What a huge spread.

      • robirob

        I thought her appeal was the courage to wear a sexy librarian Halloween costume all year?

    • clay

      Every woman, if she lives long enough, comes to a point in her life when she needs to realize that a dirty camera lens, mussed hair, and oversized glasses cannot hide the loosening skin, the fading color, the small wrinkles. Sarah, governor-renunciate, it’s time for you retire to grandmother dowager. You are spent and old middle aged.

      • TampaDink

        She was hoping to wait until she has a grandchild conceived after a traditional wedding.

      • LADY MABELINE

        There’s a country song in your post. Well done sir.

        • Robincho

          “I Still Miss Her, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better”…

      • John30013

        Down here in the South we call that look “rode hard and put up wet”.

      • Menergy

        yep, the blush is WAY off the rose…

    • ted-

      I hate this stupid woman more than you know. But, come on, ease up on her wardrobe. It’s not that bad. Then again, I’m fashionably challenged. Carry on…

      • Dan

        well….

    • TheManicMechanic

      White trash is as white trash does.

  • WildGift

    She looks haggard!

    • shellback

      That’s what hags do best.

    • TommyTune

      That fifteen minutes of fame was an exhausting run, you betcha.

      • StraightGrandmother

        The “you betcha” at the end of your comment was great. I had forgotten about that.

    • i wasn’t aware she paid twinks for services. do you have a link for that? Ted will be pissed she’s stealing from his stall.

      • Haggard’s, um, masseur — and whistleblower — was no twink. You’re thinking of that Reker person.

        • luggage… massage… jeebus… it gets confusing with all those double letter combos.

          cut me some slack. i went to the same five colleges as Quitter. without graduating.

        • clay

          Yeah, Haggard went to a macho top whose specialty was tit torture.

    • Homo Erectus

      She looks like Ted Haggard.

      • David Walker

        Or Merle. He’s a good ol’ boy, too.

    • Justin

      Just letting her inner self show.

      • barracks9

        Someone forgot the “Lucille-Ball-in-‘Mame’ ” vaseline smear on the lens…

        • clay

          From that still, I think they’re already using it, it’s just not working.

        • Robincho

          Vaseline for Mame, linoleum for Sarah…

          • Menergy

            we used to say, “filmed through a tile” – courtesy of Charles Pierce, RIP.

          • Robincho

            Drat! You caught me… Actually, the linoleum thing is 50% Pierce, and 50% Bankhead…

        • D. J.

          They couldn’t find the grease gun.

      • Lars De

        You’re assuming that she has an inner self.

    • RaygunsGoZap

      She looks like a drunk and an addict. Glug glug glug! Pills pills pills! I coulda been president! Sniffle.

      • John30013

        I saw something on my Facebook feed yesterday, maybe from GayStarNews or one of those other sites, about her being visibly drunk (or high) during a recent interview. It wouldn’t surprise me if there is some substance abuse going on. I don’t wish any kind of addiction on anyone (not even this vile, loathsome creature), but I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s where her “lifestyle” has brought her.

        Thank FSM McCain lost the election!

    • clay

      It’s (what, 20 years?) late for her to admit that she’s past 35.

  • shellback

    Palin who? I’d rather hear more about Fluffy.

    • John P.

      I was just going to say… who cares about Palin. I want to know if Fluffy is alright! Is he still chasing chickens on that farm?

    • Justin

      I’d like to hear about Palin living on a farm upstate, where she’d have all sorts of room to roam and chase chickens.

      • RaygunsGoZap

        I see what you did there

    • Dramphooey

      Fluffy is being used as a step ladder by young Palins.

  • Anastasia Beaverhousen

    Reaching the whitest audience?

    • Blobby

      I swear that’s what she said too. I think there was only one person of color in that video beside Obama.

    • People4Humanity

      I refuse to give her a click. Did she say that!?

      • Blobby

        officially she said ‘widest’, but it sure sounds like ‘whitest’.

      • ted-

        “Clit”! She said CLIT!

  • mikeinrkfd

    Well she is good at quitting things. Bravo Sarah one more thing you quit that you can add to the list.

  • Dan

    Pride goeth before the gall.

    • TampaDink

      We should have been expecting the gall since late June. Once Pride was over, the gall had to be on its merry way.

    • David Walker

      Many a heart has been broken
      After the gall.

    • John30013

      Also, I wonder how all her paying subscribers feel about this move? They paid(!) for access to this “premium” content, and now Quitterface is giving it away for free.

      Maybe the chumps will finally realize she’s never been anything but a grifter.

  • when i’m sober, i can talk about absolutely nothing for almost two whole minutes. i can toss a word salad like that. but honestly? this woman is my better. i mean, she’s got olives and artichokes and chopped yellow peppers in there that i hardly ever can afford.

    it’s a shame, tho. she really, really needs a hairdresser. and maybe some Xanax. i feel her pain, as a black woman. humidity and heat like we’re getting right now? always makes for bad hair days on my youtube channel.

  • bambinoitaliano

    No more room in the clown train?

  • Pugsandcoffee

    Don’t let the door hitchya where the good Lord Splitchya!

  • Will

    TOTAL Doofus. Does ANYONE really listen to her any more, even among the Republican leadership?

    • Reality.Bites

      The Republican leadership NEVER listened to her.

      • Brian in Valdosta

        Exactly right.

        They merely recognized that her gift (?) for spewing sentence after sentence of nonsensical drivel had a way of hypnotizing their fan base. So they always pushed her to the front of the stage at the start of one of their cult revivals.

  • Jake

    Did she just wake up?

    • Brian in Valdosta

      Ms Palin’s eyes are looking a bit Puffy.

      • RaygunsGoZap

        She’s a drunk and its allllllllll coming unraveled finally. Finally.

    • lattebud

      About an hour a go. Get out of bed, 5 minutes ago.l Todd is in the shower now and she’s sitting on a puppy pad.

      • TreGibbs

        lol !

  • Mark

    Maybe….just maybe…..as she ages – and not so gracefully I should add….some tiny, tiny drop of truth or wisdom has finally slipped through to her fantasy world to let her know…they’re just not into you! Nobody is! Now, STFU…and turn the set off!

  • Johnny Wyeknot

    Only one comment on You Tube: “Quiter-in-Chief” [sic]

  • Homo Erectus

    Sarah who?

  • GayOldLady

    Dear Snow Queen: You look tired, washed up and irrelevant. Didn’t you know that this was going to happen when you decided to become a spokesperson for batshittery? Good luck at squeezing the last few dimes out of the crazies.

    • TampaDink

      She looks tired, washed up & irrelevant….because she is.

      • RoFaWh

        And always has been.

        • TampaDink

          And will always be…now & forever. World without end.

      • John30013

        Maybe the Doctor has been around?

        https://youtu.be/GidbEhL0teE?t=3m22s

        • LonelyLiberal

          Is there any Ho Yay between the Doctor and the other fellow?

          Could there be Ho Yay between the two? Please?

          • John30013

            He was cute (the prime minister’s assistant), but I don’t think there was any Ho Yay between them (unfortunately).

          • LonelyLiberal

            Then it needs more Ho Yay. 🙂

  • Reality.Bites

    Couldn’t she at least have pretended she has to help Bristol through her pregnancy?

    • Cuberly

      Has she publicly acknowledged Brisket’s husband-free luv bump yet? I don’t think so.

  • Ninja0980

    It appears the gravy train is over for Sarah.

    • Dramphooey

      It would seem the gravy train has finally vanished from the main line and it now only carrying a few cranks from Sam’s general store to Petticoat Junction.

  • JT

    Failin’ Palin fails again.

  • bkmn

    Caribou Bimbo would never, ever want to have to work for money. She would rather be chauffeured in first class, waited on hand and foot and then walk out with a big, fat check for a 10 minute word salad full of dog whistles that no one but her can understand.

    • RoFaWh

      “Caribimbo”?

      Sounds like an Argentinian dance. Octavio?

  • Brian in Valdosta

    Whoever wrote that copy over at Wonkette deserves a prize!! It started my day off with a hearty laugh, and I am grateful.

    • gaymex

      Agreed. That was wonderful.

  • ScottJL

    Palin quitting half-way through, what a surprise.

  • rednekokie

    Does ANYONE really give a good g.d.?

  • bryan

    Looking forward to the updates on Bristol’s ‘traditional’ ‘marriage’.

  • Jack_Carter_USA

    Guess her marks finally figured out they were paying $10/month for maybe fifteen minutes of authentic frontier gibberish.

    • Halloween_Jack

      All someone had to do was come up with a way of cutting up and randomly rearranging any of her video clips to create new ones that made as much (or more) sense as anything she’d create on her own.

      • Jack_Carter_USA

        Or blow up a dictionary and put together cue cards from the scorched remnants.

  • StraightGrandmother

    OMG, remember that speech she gave when she was drunk? The one that was a complete word salad.

    Do to the fact that she is removing the paywall I think we can safely say that your followers are no longer that into you.

    • sherman

      The one that was practically indistinguishable from her other word salad delights?

      • clay

        One with the 32oz big gulp cup of unknown contents.

  • Tipsy

    She’s looking like a pile of blanched turkey wattles with glasses.

  • Galvestonian

    ol gal is looking a bit tired and all wore out…them turkey wattles and crows feet are showing in a major way.

    • clay

      even through the gunk on the camera lens.

  • lattebud

    She’s talking to her good friend Donald Trump about how to declare bankruptcy… multiple times.

  • Martin

    I wish her well in life. I disagree with her on almost everything but constantly maligning her is ultra bad form.

    • hdtex

      No it’s not.

    • sherman

      I’ve noticed a pattern. She does something to remind us that her griftiness is still sucking oxygen, and we react.

      Maybe she could just go away, and never be heard from again. Someone please send her to the cornfield.

  • hdtex

    Bless her heart…

    • clay

      Uhm, does anyone know where I can get one of those? FOR A FRIEND.

  • CB

    It’s a very short road to Celebrity Wife Swap from here. The Quitterator continues to circle the drain.

    • gaymex

      lol…Quitterator.

    • Reality.Bites

      Kind of makes me wish NPH’s career wasn’t going well. I’d love to see him and David swap with Sarah and whatshisname.

      • TampaDink

        I love NPH & David too much to ever imagine inflicting such a vile ordeal on them.

        • Reality.Bites

          Well it would probably only be a vile ordeal on the one who ends up with Sarah. For the other one it’s a week of nonstop sex with a desperately horny man.

          • TampaDink

            Sewing new maternity clothes for Bristle…..and learnin’ to prepare deep fried moose scrotum.

          • D. J.

            Huckabee can teach her to make it in a popcorn popper.

          • TampaDink

            He might be doing that on QVC by the end of the year.

          • clay

            the one who ends up with Sarah, and his kids.

          • TampaDink

            Todd would likely be the man that you describe.

        • D. J.

          Dan Savage and his husband might rather enjoy it. I would pay to see Terry scream “get the fuck outta my house” at Sarah.
          Meanwhile in Alaska, Bristol gets a Sex Ed lecture from Dan. Something along the lines of “everyone has to have goals. How many out of wedlock kids are you aiming for?”

          • TampaDink

            I might be willing to pay to have Terry scream that at me to get out of my own house depending on his attire.

            Bristle getting schooled by Dan would be Oscar worthy.

        • IamM

          Please, you know the rest of the family would kidnap her replacement and go on the run as soon as Sarah was out of sight.

          • TampaDink

            You are probably right. I guess that mommy’s fame whoredom brings in enough grift that they all stick close to home.

      • robirob

        One God Warrior freakout is enough and you can bet (or, you betcha) Sarah would milk it for all that it is worth.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3mDLsyn6ns

        • TampaDink

          Poor Margurite. She was so misunderstood. /sarcasm.

  • Dramphooey

    No post by the site Conservatives4Palin about this. A pathetic comment or two about how this might be a sign that she’s running this time–snork! Did I actually live to see the day the bottom fell out of this grift?

    • David Walker

      We have lived to see several unthinkable and wonderful things, so her bottom falling is not unthinkable.

  • MarkOH

    ” Governor Quitterface”

    I know! Has she ever finished ANYTHING?

    • RoFaWh

      Pregnancy.

      • TampaDink

        The five(ahem) times that we’re aware of but I kind of wonder how many times she didn’t finish.

        • clay

          According to some reports, she kind of quit at the end of that fifth pregnancy.

          • TampaDink

            Which explains my “ahem”. I’m the result of the 5th of five pregnancies. My mom says that she hardly had time to get to the hospital…much less to the airport for a flight from DFW to Seattle layover before another flight to Anchorage.

          • clay

            Me too! Total time of labor, 2 hours from first contraction to full delivery. My mom made it across the alley to the Doctor’s basement office.

          • TampaDink

            Yet the queen of quitting was able to take quite a long journey after her water broke. Knowing that she was carrying a baby with Down Syndrome & going to a governors conference that far from home so close to her due date (if any of that is accurate) should have provided enough evidence to the McCain vetting team that she lacks wise decision making skills.

          • MickinDetroit

            or…. she made a decision and hoped it’d result in a tragic loss of the child. Jesus take the wheel and all.

          • TampaDink

            I’m not a huge conspiracy theorist but what you suggest is what I’ve suspected all along.

          • ColdCountry

            My mother headed for the hospital before labor started – she had a ‘feeling’ – and I almost arrived in the elevator. And I’m only the #2!

  • RobynWatts

    Failin’ Palin never disappoints.

  • Gerry Fisher

    I *love* the snarky text. Well done!

  • TampaDink

    She always gets more emotional & distracted than usual when she’s expecting a grandchild conceived out of wedlock.

    • David Walker

      Well, yeah…she does have a history. I was hoping she would announce that she was quitting her channel so she could spend time with Miss Bristol and enjoy being a bastard granny yet again. That, however, would be a lie, and Sarah never lies.

      • TampaDink

        She also apparently has never truly enjoyed being a grandmother or a mother. Her apathy has become evident in the results of Tractor and Bristle, I suspect that there have been missteps made by Willow & Piper that have been hidden from the liberal media but I have the greatest hopes that Trig will become the biggest success story in that train wreck of a family.

    • clay

      sympathetic pregnancy?

      • TampaDink

        Sympathetic sometimes reads as syphilitic.

  • People4Humanity

    Looks like Joe got hisse’f a raging ladyboner on this post!

    http://cdn1.smosh.com/sites/default/files/legacy.images/smosh-pit/122010/transformer-boner.gif

  • Traxley Launderette

    Whoa….She looks beat down, broke off, coming off a three day bender, suffering from an eating disorder, and coming out the loser from a fight with a netfull of Dungeness crabs.

    It’s over, hun. Your audience has shrunk to a core group of crazies who only send you homemade canned corn and fan art instead of cash. You have no book deals. The GOP celebrities treat you like you’re Bill Cosby. Your boobs are sagging. Your daughter’s a whore.

    It was a good run. And by good I mean HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

    • TexasBoy

      I was just going to say, the woman looks ill. Maybe she has health issues?

      • TampaDink

        Health/meth.
        To-may-to/to-mah-to.

      • clay

        age, and her inability to accept and deal with it.

        • IamM

          Age, stupidity, ignorance, irrelevance, incoherence, addictions…

  • KentDean

    Thank God she’s a quitter.

  • penpal

    I’m worried about our infamous quitter. If her big, fake, basement-bargain chest floaters quit out on her anytime soon, she’s not going to have any way to pay to get them serviced.

  • Rebecca Gardner

    Wow! She looks like shit. Hate is really harsh on a body.

    • RoFaWh

      Meth, too.

      Isn’t Wassila a meth hotbed?

      • Octavio

        Wassila is Alaska’s meth central.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    If Fluffy didn’t go to the farm, then where.. might I ask did Fluffy go ?

    • clay

      All dogs go to Heaven.

      • TampaDink

        That title always bothered me, I wonder if it implies that all cats go to hell.

    • vorpal

      Got made into yet another Palin Approved® stepping stool for Trig? I hear he broke the last one:

      • Ragnar Lothbrok

        That house is full of abused animals, unwed pregnancies and Twigs.

  • LADY MABELINE

    What a train wreck of a career this woman has had. If I didn’t find her so odious, I could allow myself to feel sorry for. But no, her utter dishonesty will always render her a two bit grifter to me.

  • Mawm

    I read this last night. The comments at Wonkette are so funny.

  • Octavio

    This is wonderful news. It has lifted my spirits and my feet will barely touch the ground all day. 🙂

    • TampaDink

      Sarah’s feet haven’t touched the ground in years. When they’re not up over her head, some staffer is carrying her around like a differently abled lapdog of advanced age.

  • Hue-Man

    Can’t UNESCO do something about this cultural loss affecting our entire civilization? After all, they just designated the Alamo as a World Heritage Site…(and I’ve never rented with them).

    • TampaDink

      $arah has always been a fan of Enterprise. They pick you up…and she loves being picked up.

  • robirob

    I wonder if its a (last ditch?) effort to broaden her audience who then might pay money to see her live on stage giving lectures? I think those speech/lecture tours are her real bread and butter these days and I guess Ann Coulter went “bitch, this is my corner!” on her when it comes to releasing books of conservative bullshit rethoric.

  • Saimaa is Coming Next…

    Did she just say she wanted her message heard by the WHITEST possible audience?

  • FAEN

    The Quitter From Wasilla quit something else? I’m shocked, SHOCKED I tell you!

    (No I’m really not lol)

  • Kevin-in-Honolulu

    I know it’s not kind to enjoy the misfortunes of others – but we all have our guilty pleasures.

    This woman has spread so much ill-will, misinformation, hatred, and just plain stupidity and hypocrisy in the past eight years, she deserves whatever crop from the seeds she has sown.

    In one way, I think SP has done Americans an important service that should be remembered for the rest of time. She has shown everyone a frightening view of American life and thought, and that just about anyone can work the system based on looks, demagoguery, the hatred of selected audiences of people, and a PR machine.

    History books will have a field day describing this vile, evil harridan.

  • IamM

    The Meth is strong with this one.

  • e jerry powell

    But she’s such a good quitter. If only she could find a way to >get paid for quitting …

  • JCF

    Gee, she looks rough. Older than I do! (Full-disclosure, she’s younger than me)

  • houstonray

    Damn, she looks bad…like she woke up, threw on a jogging suit jacket, drank 10 cups of coffee, picked up the wrong glasses, and made a video…

  • teedofftaxpayer

    Maybe she getting ready to throw her hair in to that very over crowded Republican candidate ring.

  • billbear1961

    Wow, she looks terrible!

    One would feel sorry for her IF she weren’t such an evil fascist, pandering to the worst in the country, hoping to bring misery to MILLIONS by stripping many of their healthcare, and many others of their right to equal protection and due process of law!

    And all for GREED, her only GOD!

    May your desire to strip millions of your fellow citizens–and even their children–of their rights and dignity–to profit yourself–CONSUME YOU, Sarah Palin, you moral bankrupt!

  • Halloween_Jack

    I’m wondering what the “N” on her hoodie is supposed to stand for. Some possibilities:

    – Nitwit
    – Nincompoop
    – Not Veep, Thank [religious or quasi-religious figure of your choice]
    – Not the mother-in-law of a Medal of Honor awardee
    – Nearly drunk-o-clock, so she’s rushing through this
    – No subscribers
    – Needs a new source of revenue

  • anne marie in philly

    WTF took so long to get her off the airwaves?