Humor Fail From Catholic Vote

Still stinging from national ridicule over its Not Alone video, Catholic Vote tries to make a funny

The Catholic owners of “Joe’s Hardware” in Atchison, Kansas are defending themselves against a federal lawsuit that accuses them of violating equal protection laws because they refused to sell a same-sex extension cord to a customer last month. The plaintiff in the lawsuit is Flip Rosco, a poodle trainer from Greenwich Village. During a press conference announcing the lawsuit, Mr. Rosco caused some initial confusion when he was asked what he was doing in Atchison in the first place. “Looking for a Catholic hardware store to sue,” he proclaimed, to a few raised eyebrows. “Love wins,” he quickly added, which seemed to satisfy the assembled crowd. Joe and Abby Smith, the owners of the family-run hardware business and long-time members at St. Agnes, the local parish, were caught completely off guard by the allegations. The Smiths are adamant that they didn’t discriminate against anyone.

A poodle trainer from Greenwich Village. Oh my sides.

  • Baltimatt

    Don’t quit your day job.

    • lymis

      On the contrary, please do.

    • Mawm

      What job? The RCC is one of the biggest hide-outs for people who don’t want to work, but still want to live comfortably and boss people around.

  • Michael Smith

    It’s too bad Jon Stewart’s replacement has been chosen. Whoever wrote this should have applied for the job.

  • Pollos Hermanos

    CONSERVATIVES. CAN’T. DO. COMEDY.

    • Blake J Butler

      DO comedy ? no. BE the comedy YES! HELL YES!

      • Chucktech

        Well, in small doses, maybe…

        • Blake J Butler

          Right, i forgot for a moment they have a deluded and sick form of “humor”.

    • penpal

      We have Jon Stewart: hilariously funny, fresh, and friendly. They have Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh: angry, tedious and cruel.

      • pj

        bitter

      • Phaius

        I was told by an acquaintance that there is actual living, breathing conservative Jon Stewarts but as a lefty, I wouln’t know because I am blinded… BLINDED to any conservative humor.

        I guess it could happen, but conservative humor relies on punching downward. So maybe if you’re a rotten dick it’s funny to you.

        • David Walker

          And you must subject yourself to xn stand-up. It’s like xn rap. (It’s a long, painful story.) It suggests god does not exist. Why would he allow it. Or that god does exist and this is the modern day flood or (take your pick).

      • D. J.

        They have Victoria Jackson……Living, breathing,burning stupidity.

        • Piet

          Yes, but she’s not a comedian — she thinks not, anyway.

    • CottonBlimp

      Liberal comedy is about sharing your pain with others and using laughter to overcome it. Conservative comedy is about inflicting pain on others and laughing at them.

      • Pollos Hermanos

        Unless you’re Lisa Lampanelli. 🙂

      • JulieBL

        So glad you pointed this out. I’d intuited that there was something very very wrong, could never put my finger on it (was too awful to analyze, I guess).

        Looking forward to the next time I have to watch O’Reilly with my Dad (sigh), so I can point this out.

    • kaydenpat

      Dennis Miller?

      • Pollos Hermanos

        He hasn’t been even remotely funny since SNL in the 80’s.

  • Paula

    Oh, that’s some great humor. Those wacky catlicks. BARF!!!

  • LADY MABELINE

    Jokes on them . Their religion is a farce.

    • Chucktech

      Try telling that to THEM. They just don’t want to hear it.

  • MBear

    [eyeroll]

  • Todd

    Stereotypes, like the idea that priests rape children, are not funny. Oh wait; that’s not a stereotype, it’s a fact.

  • crewman

    Jokes about gay extension cords (always with the weak hardware analogies) and gay men with poodles. What’s next, jokes about Swansons TV Dinners? Jokes about adjusting the rabbit ears on your Zenith?

    • TampaDink

      Dial up jokes….with punchlines about how funny the phone receiver smells after it has been removed from the coupler.

    • BearEyes

      or maybe the magnifying glass in front of your Zenith.

    • Steverino

      I suppose a “gay extension cord” has either two “male” ends, or two “female” ends.

      And there, the hilarity ensues.

      • John T

        That’s just unnatural!!

      • lymis

        If you think about it, every usual extension cord has one male end and one (or more) female ends. Does that make them bisexual?

        • olandp

          Polygamist.

        • Chucktech

          No, that’s the way gawd made extension cords.

        • clay

          hermaphroditic.

          • JT

            And they can plug into themselves.

          • OrliJoe in Fla

            solosexual

          • vorpal

            It leaves them impotent, though.

          • MarkOH

            “And they can plug into themselves”
            Lucky them!

          • Soren456

            Self abuse.

            Gotta love it.

        • BobSF_94117

          I don’t know… but it certainly makes it possible to link them in a long, long chain…

          Not to mention, you can plug it around into itself.

          Ah, youth…

      • BobSF_94117

        Looks like they finally figured out they can’t make plumbing analogies, as there are lots of male/male or female/female fittings.

        • Cuberly

          Behold, the 1/4 male/male close nipple fitting!

          (Used to work in a hardware store.) 😉

          • hrh

            Oh, dear! I am so turned on!!!

          • Cuberly

            HA!

    • MarkOH

      I think jokes about big lipped, water melon eating blacks. (oh, that’s right, they STILL sell that stuff down south)

      • ZhyKitty

        You should see the comment section of my local news station this morning…they’re not jokes, but there are several comments like the ones you’re referring to under the articles about the removal of the confederate flag. I frequently find myself blushing when I read the local news comments.

      • Crimminy

        The watermelon thing is, as far as my experience goes, not a Southern thing. That’s a Northern/Western stereotype. It wasn’t until I moved from Georgia to California that I ever even encountered the concept of any foods being stereotypically “black”.

        Even the most racist of racists isn’t going to associate something they eat with the group they hate. Every food that Northerners/Westerners think of as “black people food” is ordinary Southern food, that Southerners of all skin-tones eat.

      • What?

        Oh, Catholic Voice isn’t made up of bigots. They LOVE gay people. They pray for us. They’re not mean-spirited at all.

    • JT

      Nothing derogatory about Swanson. That wouldn’t be allowed by Tucker Carlson (Swanson heir) on the Daily Caller, so they couldn’t get all the usual wingnut outlets to pick up their item.

    • Todd20036

      I remember when you had to cook a Swanson TV dinner in an oven for 30-35 minutes.
      Sigh.

      • Furface

        And everything tasted of aluminum.

        • Matt in PDX

          Ah, the good old days.

        • Piet

          But it was still faster than just about anything else you could do for a full meal.

    • yawn snore

      “Beige courtesy phone, please. Call for Catholic Vote from Greenwich Village. 1962 is calling. Only those wearing angora may take this call. Beige courtesy phone, please.”

    • Jamie Brewer

      When I was working at Corvette assembly in Bowling Green, KY the engraving system I used to mark transmissions with the VIN number died. As the engineers poured over the mess I offered some advice, “I think the bobbin might be wound too tight, or else the shuttle is threaded wrong.” They were not amused!!

    • Chastity Pariah
  • Soren456

    I’m sure the milk just shot out of their noses as they put that together and read it aloud.

    • JW Swift

      Yeah, that’s what usually gets me the most: not just that they’re incredibly bad at humor (and the concept of irony is completely lost on them) but that THEY somehow seem to think that they’re hilarious and incredibly witty with their fourth-grade (at best) put-downs.

      • RoFaWh

        Their brains only function at the fourth grade level.

        Rarely, at the fifth grade level, but only on special occasions.

    • Strepsi

      that’s not milk.

      • David Walker

        Oh, come now.

        • Blake Jordan

          *cum

  • JT

    A+ review from the College of Cardinals. One said: “I laughed so hard the altar boy didn’t swallow!”

    • Paul

      /thread

  • Lakeview Bob

    How would this have gone over… what would have been the outrage if this had been a black man suing because they did not sell watermelon seeds? Not only did this humor fail but it was offensive.

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      They think if it’s mean then it just has to be funny.
      They are ALL like that.

      • b

        It’s true. It’s like when kids torture bugs and think it’s hilarious.

        • Ragnar Lothbrok

          Or when a Huckabee tortures a dog

        • clay

          and dogs.

  • bkmn

    Poor Tommy Peters, it’s as though his wheelchair has square wheels.

    • TampaDink

      I just pictured him on The Island of Misfits.

      • Octavio

        We should change his name to Bob and throw him in a swimming pool.

        • TampaDink

          I think he’s about as fond of water as the Wicked Witch of the West, Elphaba.

          • Octavio

            Elphaba? Was that her name? IDNKT!

          • barracks9

            Well…that’s what Gregory Maguire named her in Wicked. From L.F.Baum.

            El Pha Ba

          • David Walker

            The book “Wicked” bestowed that upon her. She was not baptized, however. Water, you know.

          • Octavio

            In one of Baum’s books I vaguely remember a witch named Nessierose. Wasn’t much into genealogy when I was a kid. :-/

          • TampaDink

            In the Gregory Maguire novel, “Wicked, the Life & Times of the Wicked Witch of the West”, he named her Elphaba…which is an abbreviated shortening of L. Frank Baum. When it was adapted for Broadway, the role of Elphaba was originated by Idina Menzel (also known as Adele Dazeem by John Travolta).

        • RaygunsGoZap

          No! That pool is for proper folk to enjoy. Lie him face down in front of the entrance and christen him “Mat”. Let him get walked all over for once.

        • Christopher

          Let’s just nail him to the wall, like his favourite dead-jew-on-a-stick, and rename him Art.

        • trouble94114

          Oh, just use him for second base (I’m actually a Bob)

  • Daniel

    I’m tryna laugh, but nothing happens!

    • motordog

      Quiet, you!

  • Octavio

    Gosh. That’s all kinds of funnee. Those Catholic Vote kidders. It’s hard to keep up with them, boy.

    • Cowboy

      The owner is Joe Smith? Hmmm. Innocent referencing of their Mormon friends?

  • Gest2016

    Bullies and bigots are never funny.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    These CV people are fucking stupid at everything they do.

    • vorpal

      I dunno… they’re pretty damn creative at finding ways to make Catholicism look like an even bigger steaming heap of dog shit than it already is.

      • Ragnar Lothbrok

        Then we shall create an award for them.

        Let it be as stupid and as obnoxious as they are.

        • vorpal

          I bet they would love the fuck out of this since it combines two of their very favourite things. We should send each of them one.

          • Ragnar Lothbrok

            Ha Ha Ha, that does freak them out so.

            Let it be done !

          • Mawm

            And the shirt is black

          • vorpal

            HAHAHAAAAAA!
            That didn’t even occur to me! But awesome, and thanks for the major laugh! I needed that very badly today :-).

  • clay

    The Jewish rule of humor: it’s only funny if it’s true.

    Chris Rock on racist jokes: “You’ll be able to tell when the US gets over its racism; my jokes won’t be funny any more.”

    • Matt in PDX

      The other Jewish rule of humour: Make fun of yourself, or make fun of people with more power than you, but don’t make fun of people with less power than you. (Or put another way: “Punch up, don’t punch down.”)

      • B Snow

        THANK you for the “punch up, don’t punch down.” That’s a nice concise explanation for those who don’t understand why it’s okay to make fun of rich people but not okay to make fun of literally-beaten-down minority groups.

  • Blobby

    Really! Everyone knows gay poodle trainers live in Park Slope!

  • nowaRINO

    There is a section of Columbus OH called “German Village” that was a center of rehab and quite a few gays…in the 1970’s. It is still used by rural politicians as code, even though we moved on in the 1980’s when all the Volvo station wagons with child seats moved in and real estate prices went through the roof. To this day, when we are introduced to rural folk in Ohio they ask, “Do you live in German Village?”

    When I say Ohio Republicans are stuck fighting the 1960’s and 1970’s this is just one indicator.

  • Michael Rush

    at least their youtube video was a laugh riot .
    ( the 42,000 thumbs down it got was anyway )

  • VodkaAndPolitics

    Cut him some slack, it’s hard to write a decent joke while you’re sucking a Cardinal’s 80 year old dick.

    • olandp

      Right, you think an eight year old runs that site.

  • Bj Lincoln

    I don’t get the joke.

    • Gustav2

      This may be the only time I say this to you: “You are to young to get the joke.” 😉

    • Rocketeer500

      It’s humor from a wheelchair-view; where one can’t see over the counter.

      Note: There is no humor….that’s the point. Was your question rhetorical? Ok then, never mind.

    • Strepsi

      Beyond the main idea that we are just “looking to sue” someone, it’s a joke about how gay men are that is 40 years out of date.

      Here’s an image from the awful film “The Choirboys” (1977) of a gay man with a poodle. He gets beaten by cops. The cops are the heroes. It’s a comedy.

      http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_f0BCyEwQ2OI/TE8RN2boxPI/AAAAAAAAAuM/WBn25jiGYoY/s1600/choirboys3.jpg

      • David Walker

        “Gay Deceivers” was even worse.

      • Mawm

        WTF?

    • clay

      good.

  • motordog

    • clay

      Race Bannon! My first crush!

      • MDB

        I named my first furry child Bandit, after Jonny Quest’s pupster.

  • BearEyes

    oh puh-leeeeze,

  • MDB

    ZOMG, not the dreaded eeevill double-headed orange gay extension cord ????

    Run for your lives, it’s a cordgaydo !!!!!
    http://www.catholicvote.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/cord.jpg

    • Fyva Prold

      I don’t think those are legal anymore, because it’s just an invitation to liability.

      • Stev84

        Yeah. Very dangerous when plugged in.

    • GayOldLady

      It looks to me like a way to conserve electricity. 🙂

      • clay

        According to David Barton, resource conservation is a pagan concept that expresses doubt in God’s gracious, abundant providence.

        • Mawm

          Recently, they’ve been given to repeating the phrase, “Nature, and Nature’s god” However, they never seem to pay attention to nature. Your point is something that drives me crazy about them. There are plenty of examples in nature i.e. real life that demonstrate conservation of resources.

          For god’s sake, does Barton teach his kids to spend all their paycheck as soon as they get it and run up any credits cards they have, because they don’t want to question God’s abundance? Somehow they are always harping on how the US spends too much money on poor people, though.

          • clay

            They really, really hate debt, except for other people.

    • David in Palm Springs

      That cord is an abomination to God! I smite thee back to hell!

    • David Walker

      Not to be a Catholic Voice party pooper or anything, but in audio work male to male and female to female cable is needed.

      • ChrisMorley

        Same goes with plumbing fittings.

        • hrh

          And in real life.

      • clay

        Please, shit all over their party. Need a cup of coffee to get started?

        • David Walker

          Got any of the Satanic Semen Starbucks coffee?

          • MDB

            Now available in delightful lavender packaging.

      • CanuckDon

        And it’s fun asking for one….although sometimes you need a cable with the male bigger on the one end.

        • David Walker

          Condoms even more so. When I was a sound designer, we used condoms to cover the transmitter on wireless body mics to keep sweat out. (Someone called the safer sound, and it stuck.) Anyway, condoms were a line item on any show’s budget. One night, though, we miscalculated and ran out. It was Saturday night, which meant we wouldn’t have any for Sunday matinee, either. It was around 6:30. Harrisburg tends to close at 5, but there was an open drugstore across the street. I ran across the street, asked where the condoms were, the startled clerk told me, and I ran back. We couldn’t use condoms with lube, so it took a bit to find the right kind. Since we’d need them for the next day, too, I bought the jumbo package…like 36 or something. I ran back to the counter. The clerk was a little taken aback by my hurry and the quantity. When I asked for the receipt she said, “I don’t even want to know.”

          • Piet

            Now -that- is hilarious.

          • David Walker

            It was a facial expression I shall never forget.

          • RoFaWh

            Tale once told me by a chemist:

            An experiment was conducted in flasks with ground glass stoppers. They discovered they needed a water-soluble goo on the stoppers to make them air tight. They used KY. In quantity. The guy at the drugstore had a similar reaction as the clerk in your tale.

          • JulieBL

            HAHAHAHA!!!

      • B Snow

        It’s always the gay stuff with you entertainment types.

        • David Walker

          We try.

    • Guffey

      I’ve actually made one of these for a wiring situation I found one time, and strange but true: it worked EQUALLY as well as a M-F cord works when the ends are the “usual” set up!

      So my pathetic joke I just made up: what’s the difference between a dual-male (dual female) extension cord and same-sex marriage? One is legal in every state of the Union! Yay!!!…. get it? yah? ba-da-bump… OK, but it’s still better than “Joe’s Hardware” story.

  • Rocketeer500

    Same-sex extension cord?

    Huh? Oh humor. I get it.

    That Tommy is sure a wheelchair-full of laughs.

    • barracks9

      That’s just how he rolls.

      • TampaDink

        He was pushed to it.

      • shellback

        Oooow. You’re evil. Come over here and sit on my face.

        • barracks9

          **bats eyelashes**

          I’m on my way!

  • penpal

    There are a lot of theories as to why conservatives are never clever or witty. My personal belief is that it takes a creative mind that questions information and processes it from multiple angles, which results in new ideas about something. This is not how the conservative mind works. It regurgitates the same information over and over again, information that is usually false on its face.

    • JW Swift

      Furthermore, the conservative mind tends to be mean and completely void of empathy for others, hence most of their attempts at “humor” are actually (barely) veiled put-downs of others.

      • Chucktech

        Just like this beyond-lame, pathetic excuse for humor.

      • MichaelJ

        Dennis Miller being the prime example of what you and penpal are talking about. I have to say, however, there are some non-conservative comedians whose humor doesn’t go beyond lame put-downs of others.

        • JW Swift

          There always will be, but by and large, those comedians don’t normally attract large followings or become very successful (conservative or otherwise). I doubt either Miller or Victoria Jackson would have ANY attention paid to them if they weren’t on SNL, first (for example). And you notice that when they were on SNL and were popular, they weren’t doing the kinds of crappy routines that they do now. An actual funny comedian was writing their stuff for them.

        • B Snow

          Lisa: (after reading “C:DOSRUN” joke) Ha, only one person in a million would find that funny!
          Professor John Frink: Yes, we call that the “Dennis Miller Ratio.”

    • Richard Rush

      When TrueChristians™ deliberately try to do humor, they inevitably fail. But, otherwise, when they are just being themselves, they are often quite unintentionally comical.

    • Veylon

      Comedy – like love and a host of other things they fear – is subversive. It punctures the self-image of the powerful and ennobles the meek.

      It isn’t to say that conservatives can’t do comedy – there are a plethora of vain, self-righteous figures on the Left to take aim at – it’s that, deep down, they don’t want to. The strong are to be respected or feared and the weak despised.

      It’s why you get this weird dichotomy where they are alternately terrified that suave, shrewd, ruthless political genius Barack Obama will do this, that, and the other thing to them and contemptuous of idiotic crude Negro ragamuffin Barack Obama and his limp-wristed liberal ways. Nobody pokes fun at Obama’s posturing the way people did at Bush’s

  • bryan

    Let’s send them some jokes…. (@CatholicVote)

    Have you heard about the new Exorcist film that is in production?

    They get the devil to take the catholic priest out of the child.

    • David Walker

      Did you hear the one about the Catholic who loved to do arts and crafts? One day, he decided to make his own rosary, went to the crafts store, and found exactly what he needed. When he got to check-out, the clerk refused to sell the beads to him. “This is Hobby Lobby,” said the clerk, “and it’s against our deeply held religious beliefs to sell anything to you because you’re *shudder* Catholic.”

      • bryan

        Why do Catholic Priests make young boys read the bible? Because if they swallow that, they’ll swallow anything.

        • David Walker

          A nun finds herself in conversation with a hooker. The hooker tells the nun how much money she makes, depending on what the john wants. The nun becomes angrier with each description and money amount. Finally, unable to take anymore, the nun exclaims, “That fucking Father Flanagan and his candy bars!”

    • DONE!

    • JT

      Do you know what a Priest’s Hole is for?

      Not for emergencies any longer.

    • LovesIrony

      How do you get a nun pregnant?
      Dress her up like an altar boy.

  • RaygunsGoZap

    Well, I went to check out their site and I noticed this! Highlighted in Oppressive Lavender for your enjoyment.

  • GayOldLady

    A lot of snarky gay stereotypes used in that feeble excuse for humor. What’s next, a little Al Jolson black face? All of that under the banner of “Catholic Vote”? He needs to change the name of his blog to Catholic Homophobia Vote.

  • joe ho

    these dead-jew-on-a-stick cultists are quite the tools!

    why the ancient romans considered them to be “haters of mankind.”

  • David in Palm Springs

    Considering that there WAS a hardware store that posted a sign saying that gays weren’t allowed to shop there, it makes the Catholic Vote all the more idiotic. Anti-gay discrimination from Christians is REAL. We’ve already seen it take place at pizza parlors, auto repair shops, and now hardware stores — that’s aside from the usual B&Bs, florists, photographers and bakers.

    • Octavio

      And don’t forget that it is alive and well in miniature Texas and Kansas County Clerks Offices, too. 🙂

    • Mawm

      They don’t realize that their “joke” actually proves a point of ours. There is no such thing as a gay extension cord just like there is no such thing as a gay wedding cake. They just don’t want to sell to gay people.

      • David Walker

        We’re abnormal. They’re normal. I am sooo happy that I’m gay. I can’t even imagine wanting to be like them.

    • b

      And the other fiction is that the christians are nice people. They’re not. They’re mean. They sell cakes to every other sinner they can make a buck from — divorcees, convicts, whoever, and never asked a question. But they are simply bigots, and want to call themselves nice when they want to discriminate.

  • AtticusP

    We really shouldn’t expect humor from this crowd.

    Their beliefs are already laughable enough…

  • Mawm

    Someone should explain to them the difference between “laughing with you” and “laughing at you.”

  • Ninja0980

    This isn’t actually supposed to be funny is it?

  • ChrisMorley

    Is it just me, or should they at least try to make some of the details of their story vaguely plausible? There is no St Agnes catholic parish in Atkinson, Kansas, nor a Joe’s Hardware.
    http://www.thecatholicdirectory.com/directory.cfm?fuseaction=search_directory&country=US&state=KS&absolutecity=Atchison

    • TampaDink

      Your sleuthing may be the proof that we need to support the theory that their campaign is actually intended to be a joke.

      • ChrisMorley

        I understood that they were attempting to be funny, but it helps to have some basis in fact before we ROFL.

  • Toasterlad

    There’s got to be a correlation between the fundamental lack of empathy required to be a conservative, and the lack of humor they consistently display.

    I mean, seriously. Someone thought that was funny enough to release to the world?

    • Steverino

      Liberals laugh at oppressors, conservatives laugh at the oppressed.

    • David Walker

      It passed the committee’s standards. They should quit while they’re behind.

    • Friday

      Humor actually is based in large part on holding two points of view in mind at once. 🙂

    • Mawm

      I think it’s about not being able to see what is true and what is fantasy. Funny has to be true.

  • John T

    You’d think that a group of people who worship a statue of an ancient Jew being tortured to death would have a better sense of humor.

  • LADY MABELINE

    Did you hear the one about the guy who came back from the dead?

    • Cuberly

      Oh, you mean…

      Why did the circuit party boy go to church?

      He heard Jesus was hung like this. (Hold hands out in a Christ like pose)

  • PLAINTOM

    A drunk, a conman and a pedophile walk into a bar and the bartender says, ” Good afternoon, Father Donovan “.

    • RaygunsGoZap

      THAT’s a joke!

    • vorpal

      LOL. Win.

  • art

    Greenwich Village? That just goes to show how stuck in the past these people are.

    • RaygunsGoZap

      Everybody knows all the poodle trainers vamoosed once the Sorcerer Supreme set up shop there.

  • leastyebejudged

    Wow, what douchenozzles.

  • lymis

    You know, all the other, far more important idiocy aside, this joke only makes even the slightest sense if you assume that any time you sue, you automatically win.

    You can sue for any stupid crap you want to sue for, and one of the things the court system is for is to toss out utterly bullshit lawsuits, usually fining the idiot for court costs.

    You’d think that by now, anti-gay bigots might have figured that one out.

  • Bill

    Jeez. They can’t even do ‘petty bitches’ properly.

  • Marc

    is this a true Catholic hardware store, or one of those lapsed ones that only goes to mass on Christmas Eve and Easter?

  • Baltimatt

    Why would someone be looking specifically for a Catholic hardware store to sue? I can’t believe someone from Manhattan would have to travel halfway across the country to find a Catholic-owned hardware store. Also, probably an Evangelical Protestant store might be more likely to discriminate But what the hell is a gay extension cord? Probably one with two male connectors or two female connectors. Is there even such a thing?

  • Rebecca Gardner

    Well, that thar’s a knee slapper.

    Why is the right-wing mind incapable of humor, satire, sarcasm, logic, and critical thinking?

    • MDB

      kaint make anee funnees cuz they aint lernt ’emm no hyerr eddyewmakayshun sckilz.

      • Silver Badger

        You must get over your home skooling disability. Try a course or two in your high school’s adult education program.

        • David Walker

          Nooooooooooooo! Ha skools er evil. That’s wha muh fokes hoam skooled me in da firts plays.

    • David Walker

      Yes.

  • Cuberly

    If you’re going to dabble in groan worthy stereo-typed humor at least make it appealing on some level. I mean hell, Karl Urban can play a stereotype and have fun with it fer krist sake.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SC_04uxImw4

  • CB

    Hard to be funny when all you care about is being hateful.

  • gaylib

    The comments are hilarious. Half of them think it’s true!

  • ErikDC

    Did anyone read the comments? Catholic Vote readers are such idiots that quite a few failed to realize the article is (a poor attempt at) satire.

    • David Walker

      Their readers fail to realize a lot about their religion, so it stands to reason that they don’t get satire.

    • perversatile

      I did, and I could actually hear
      the hand wringing in tandem
      with some clueless pearl clutchery

  • sw42

    I don’t get it. I mean, honestly, I really don’t get it.

    • Queequeg

      That is because there is no joke to get. These people don’t even recognize humor when it hits them in the face. Therefore, they are incapable of making a joke that is actually funny.

    • Mawm

      Good. That means you still have a human heart. 🙂

  • BaddogLtd

    “The Smiths are adamant that they didn’t discriminate against anyone.” – CatholicVote

  • Jean-Marc in Canada

    Well…..that was just sad. Stick doing what you do best Catholics, lying.

  • Gerry Fisher

    Nah. No animus there at all.

  • Queequeg

    Further proof that conservatives have no concept of humor.

  • Blake Jordan

    This hurts!!!

  • TheManicMechanic

    More herpderpin’ for Jesus.

  • Do they right all the rich white people jokes in 80s and 90s ‘comedies’?

  • JustSayin’

    This will make it to faux friends and wing but daily as an actual event.

  • Timothy Kincaid

    …but wait for it.. wait for it… the poodle trainer lisps

    Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

  • Clive Johnson

    How do you get 100 priests into a Walmart within 30 minutes?

    Announce that little boys pants are half off.

  • SFHarry

    Gay extension cord: It’s sassy, it’s brassy and no stage for a musical can make it without one.

  • greenmanTN

    My comment there:

    HAR HAR HAR! Apparently you want the U.S. to return to a time when saw “We don’t serve Your Kind here” signs on the outside of businesses. Personally I thought that was an ugly reminder of the past, but maybe I was mistaken.

    Believe it or not, the job of bakers, florists, photographers, etc. isn’t to give APPROVAL of a union, but to sell their services. Does any heterosexual couple go to a bakery thinking “I want to order a cake, I HOPE the baker approves of me personally and will give me one!” No, because bakers, florists, etc. aren’t in the business of blessing the marriages they supply. Have you ever heard of a baker being sued because they supplied a cake to a wedding that ended in divorce? Of course not, because all they did was SELL A CAKE, which is their job! Florists, bakers, and Government Clerks aren’t there to APPROVE of the wedding; they are there to supply a service to the public.

    Personally, I don’t want to return to an era where “We don’t serve _____” signs are on display. Do you?

  • ScottJL

    They get their writers from SNL?

  • Geezus Christ

    All of my extension cords are now same-sex. That’s why none of my appliances are working anymore.

    • Friday

      You should neither run your appliances nor your sex life on lame analogies.

      Your sound system, on the other hand… 🙂

  • bdsmjack

    Stop. You’re killing me. someone dial 911. I’m dying.

  • Let’s improve it a bit. How about the local parish being “St. Agnes of God” (reference to pregnant nun murder mystery with Jane Fonda).

  • Alpha 50327

    I want the real names of the people in the original video. If they’re so brave to come out as bigots let’s get thier names out there. If they’re actors, let’s get their names out there and let them explain why they went ahead with that gig after reading the script. The one thing the internet mob is good for is ruining people’s lives when they deserve it and everyone associated with the original video certainly deserves it. Where’s 4Chan when you need them?

  • XTstorm

    Fry and Laurie did it better

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noSOFIJdfwM

  • kaydenpat

    That was supposed to be funny? On which planet? Perhaps Catholic Vote should stick to being a serious organization and step back from the joke telling.

  • Robert Conner

    How about a man in a dress used magic words to turn an extension cord into the real body of Jesus Christ? Not possible, of course. Only works with crackers. Ha Ha Ha. Actually the Roman Catholic Church is one of civilization’s longest running jokes.

  • If this is all Joe’s Hardware in Atchison, Kansas is selling, then it’s not even a full service hardware store.

  • Michael

    You would think that an institution so caught up in pedophilia scandals would try to create good will.

  • Gay Fordham Prep Grad

    It must be killing them to know the majority of American Catholics support the decision in Obergefell, a decision itself penned by a practicing RC.

  • Joseph Drummond

    Catholic Vote is absolutely correct in demonstrating the absurdity of the recent Supreme Court ruling. If marriage is just about love, why can’t three people marry? Why can’t four people marry?

    • disqus_oCvsL5SBJH

      If marriage is about creating children, why not have multiple wives to maximize the number of babies being made? If marriage is about creating children, why should women have equal rights to men, since jobs and being able to vote distracts them from making and raising babies? If marriage is about creating children why do we not automatically divorce the elderly and infertile? If marriage is about creating and raising children why don’t we outlaw divorce and require pregnant women to get married, since, after all, it’s sex that can you pregnant, not marriage. Why didn’t the Supreme Court have to answer why not polygamy when they ruled that interracial marriage was constitutional? I’m sure plenty of people were asking and wringing their hands in the same way then.

      • Joseph Drummond

        The Supreme Court struck down Virginia’s miscegenation laws because the institution of marriage predates the formation of the United States. Civilizations have always seen marriage for the raising and begetting of children. Other cultures long before the coming to be of the United States have had mixed race marriages. Some are even in the Old Testament. In the end, interracial marriage still fulfills the timeless nature of marriage as a lifelong union of a man and a woman for the begetting and raising of children. Same sex marriages cannot do this.

        • disqus_oCvsL5SBJH

          And how does one man and several women not help fulfilling the marital goal of begetting and raising children? After all, that could be more wombs working at the same time!