Robertson: You Can Forgive Your Husband For Cheating With Another Man

After that question Robertson tells a viewer that people on Social Security must still tithe. And then he closes with a rant about lesbians. “There so much lesbian stuff! Lesbian this, lesbian the other. So much homosexual…the media is pushing this as hard as they can possibly push it. I don’t know what to do!”

  • MBear

    “…with a male friend from church, that’s kind of strange”


    • Cousin Bleh

      What she doesn’t say is that it was with the preacher.

      • Doug105

        Or if he was of legal age, we are talking about christians after all.

    • TreGibbs

      Right? I’ve been to church and other religious functions. It’s actually NOT that strange.

  • fastlanestranger

    “I don’t know what to do.” Finally this bastard is telling some truth.

    • Mark

      Well, he was gonna ask if the dude was well hung…but he knew he couldn’t compete.

  • Lars De

    Are fundamentalists this fucked up or are they now making up these questions themselves?

    • Michael Smith

      As somebody who has known many fundamentalists, I can attest that they are that fucked up.

    • Dramphooey

      I’m thinking some of these questions have to be jokes–especially the one about eating offerings from an idol.

      • Lars De

        “Offerings From An Idol” sounds like a great porn title.

        • Doug105
          • Ginger Snap

            Now this was a refreshing blast from the past.

          • Lars De

            He’s currently serving 12 years in prison for beating his girlfriend with a toilet tank lid. Not really idol material any more.

          • Doug105

            Ya, but the name was just too perfect.

    • Herald

      I would not doubt that they do make up some of these questions. However, having grown up in and lived in the fundagelical bubble for many years these questions sound genuine. Sad but true.

    • Stev84


    • TheManicMechanic

      Fundies are indeed that fucked up, and I need no more evidence at this point. I haven’t needed any more evidence in decades.


      There is a reason that the states with the highest concentrations of fundamentalists have the highest divorce rates, highest teen pregnancy rates and lowest education levels.

      • clay

        and check out their mental health provisions.

    • MDB

      YES. and YES.

  • Michael Smith

    Of course people on Social Security still have to send him money. That’s like ninety percent of his income right there.

  • Schlukitz

    “People on social security must still tithe.”

    What about people on welfre?

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      10 % is still 10 %

      • Clive Johnson

        “10%. It would be a pity if that suit of yours got smudged.”

    • Six Pins Delores

      Our tax dollars at work.


      God is a terrible money manager.

  • Brewblaz

    Robertson and Palin need to get together.

  • Dramphooey

    “Well, drunk…hey…he didn’t know what he’s dealing with.” LOL.

    • Mark

      he was soooooooo drunk….he sucked some dick!

      • Cousin Bleh

        Maybe he fell and landed on the dick.

        • oikos

          Hope it was a hard landing.

        • Dagoril

          Help! I’ve fallen, and I can’t GET UP!!!

        • Ted.OR

          “But Honey, I just went over to check on Ennis, ‘coz his wife is visiting her sister, and I wondered if he needed something from the store. Then I thought it would be nice to take a picture of us to send to his wife. As I was setting the camera up, he started feeling a little warm, and took off his pants. I went over to position him for the photo, but I tripped, and my mouth fell on his penis. Just then I thought of a joke I heard at work, so I smiled and gave two thumbs up. That was when the camera snapped the picture. Now everyone thinks I’m gay.”

          (Apologies to “South Park”)

    • Lars De

      I’ve never been much of a drinker but I have been drunk on a few occasions in my life. While drunk nothing sexual ever “just happened”, and that includes sleeping drunk in a bed with 3 other half dressed but totally lit guys. Alcohol doesn’t make you do things you never considered doing, but it’s frequently used as an excuse for doing things you’re afraid to do sober.

    • prjoe

      Give the guy a break. In his drunken stupor, he mistook a penis for a clitoris. Shit happens.

  • Mark

    If there really is a god…why hasn’t “He” pulled the plug on this babbling idiot who spends his day putting words in “His” mouth and begging people for money?

    What?? He’s eating pizza? Uh…shouldn’t he maybe be in Nepal?

  • oikos

    New SinFlexโ„ข brought to you by the cherry pickers association. Only available to true believers.

    • Clive Johnson

      Yay! Thank you Jesus!

  • Gustav2

    “A male friend from church, that sounds strange.”

    In a town with no gay bars, that’s the best place to look!

  • Turi

    He wants her to forgive him? The ego on this one.
    Truth is everyone in this story is doomed. Especially Pat. Everyone needs to walk away from each other.

    • clay

      Pat always wants her to forgive him.

  • Dramphooey

    Pat totally screwed up the answer to “I’m in a relationship with my soon to be ex-sister-in-law … Would we be able to marry and still go to heaven.” The correct answer is that you can marry but you may as well spill your seed on the ground because the children will be your brother’s. But careful because Yahweh might kill you for that.

  • SunsetGay

    I was about to make a Terri Schiavo joke but then I realized that would have been very disrespectful to Terri Schiavo to compare her to Pat Robertson.

  • Gustav2
  • Mike__in_Houston

    This has got to be a fake letter. Christians drunk? Never happen. Two male Christians having sex with each other? Impossible. Well, these things are impossible in Pat Robertson’s vision of Christianity and Christians, anyway.

    Are there any Christianists out there who are not grifters? If they were to put all the Christianists on earth into a single city. and God threatened to destroy it unless he found ten righteous persons in the entire city–no, let’s make it one righteous person–that city would be DOOMED big time.

    • Are there any Christianists out there who are not grifters?


      this has been another edition of ‘Simple Answers to Simple Questions.’

  • Anastasia Beaverhousen

    This one time at Church Camp…..

    • IamM

      “One time,”โ€ฆright.

      • prjoe

        Actually, I think he misspoke. He meant to say, “One guy”.

    • anne marie in philly

      …I played my friend’s magic flute and cream came out the other end!

  • bkmn

    No honey he just isn’t that in to you since you let yourself go downhill and keep your nose in the babble all the time.

  • Gene Perry

    “God, was I drunk last night” … oldest excuse in the book! My advise to this lady is stay and deal with it, or leave. But know this … either way, this is most likely not hubbie’s first time, and it damn well won’t be his last. Just saying.

    • Goodboy

      She’s actually listening to pat. Her problems are far worse then her husbands infidelity.

    • Brian in Valdosta

      You got that right. Because even if he were drunk, he won’t be next time. And he’ll enjoy even more … because he’ll actually be able to perform. And remember all of it.

    • Octoberfurst

      It has been my experience that when people get drunk their true selves come out. If, for example, deep down you are an asshole you will act like an asshole. Or if you are a happy-go-lucky type you will be the life of the party when drunk. And if you suck off your buddy—well I have to say ya gotta little gay in ya.
      I would have loved to have been there when hubby was trying to explain all this to his wife. “Ok honey what happened was that me and Pete had too much to drink and he said he could take me in a wrestling match so we stripped down to our underwear and started wrestling when suddenly our underpants fell down around our ankles! Seriously! I have NO idea how that happened! Well we kept wrestling because, ya know, we were drunk and all of a sudden Pete’s cock accidentally slipped into my mouth & my cock slipped into Pete’s and the next thing I know he jizzes and so did I and we were both like, ‘Whoe what just happened?’. Seriously honey it was an accident!”
      I’ve heard these kind of conversations before because I used to work in a prison & that’s the type of excuses I heard from inmates when caught in the act. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • clay

        When I get drunk, I just fall asleep.

  • Mark

    I thought two lesbians was every preachers dream?? (sorry ladies!)

    • anne marie in philly

      jimmy swaggart liked to watch…

  • Ninja0980

    Lady, if your husband is having an affair with another man, it means you’re his beard and nothing more.

  • bambinoitaliano

    Eat a bag of dicks, you will feel much better.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    WTF is a Habitual homo ? Is that like a Habitual Black ?

    • Hmm, maybe it is someone who has been a practicing homosexual long enough that they are a habitual homo now? Maybe its the next rung up the homo ladder.

  • Clive Johnson

    “So much homosexual…the media is pushing this as hard as they can possibly push it. I don’t know what to do!””

    This puts a smile on my face.

    “So much homosexual…I don’t know what to do.” should be a rising internet meme.

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      I liked the ” pushing hard ” too

      • Clive Johnson


      • Ginger Snap

        I also enjoy the “pushing hard.”

  • Bj Lincoln

    Yea! He mentioned lesbians!
    If being divorced is a sin and marrying a divorced person is adultery then WHY tell that woman to leave?
    I will never understand the mindset of these people.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    Dear Pat,
    My husband Loves Sweet Hot Hard Cock, drunk or not ..he just can’t seem to get enough COCK. This is not a question, just wanted to share the good news that we are here and queer !

    • Todd20036

      Well then, feel free to share your chicken recipes as your husbands seems to love them…

  • TrollopeReader

    Nothing about the perils of alcohol? Gee, Pat!

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      Jesus was a drinker.

      • PLAINTOM

        Jesus was a vinificator. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • clay

        It doesn’t count as a Biblical marriage unless they serve wine at the reception.

  • Desmond Rutherford

    Jefffery from the second clip should go to church and hook up with the guys from the first clip, and the women should all hook up with each other. That would ensure that everyone will have a heavenly time. (Pat of course, will be too busy counting his tithings.)

  • HadIt

    So much homosexual…the media is pushing this as hard as they can possibly push it. I don’t know what to do!”

    But send me money and I will think of something.

    • Queequeg

      I noticed at least three times he didn’t know what to do, yet he continues to give advice.

      • Stream of consciousness dementia isn’t pretty but it still pays the bills.

  • Dagoril

    I for one know exactly what to do when I have #SoMuchHomosexual.

    I’m just saying ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Steven Leahy

    It’s OK, Ms Bachmann, you don’t have to use a pen name.

    • TreGibbs

      FTW !

  • TexPlant

    I don’t know what is stranger/funnier
    Pat trying to relate to the mind of a teenage girl or
    Pat trying to relate to someone on social security or
    Pat trying to relate to the workings of lesbianism

    now is a prostate or dementia question comes up I might listen to what he has to say….NAH he is a nutter!!

    • clay

      I have a feeling Pat isn’t . . . in touch . . . with the prostate.

  • LonelyLiberal

    Lesbian? Isn’t Danny Thomas one?

  • Circle Thomas

    I’m only gay when I’m drunk. The rest of the time I’m just FLAMING!

    • Bad Tom

      Isn’t alcohol flammable?

  • Turi

    “a little teenage girl doesn’t know what color dress she’s supposed to wear much less what kind of sex she’s supposed to be”
    I mean, fuck.

  • Dean

    Ah…..nuttin’ quite like taking advantage of a drunk, hunky kristian…:)

  • MikeBx2

    This ones been around a while, but still the irony makes me chuckle. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Tor

    Jeffrey, it depends on if you are already fucking your sister-in-law or not.

  • And by tithing he doesn’t mean to some local brick-and-mortar church with a soup kitchen in the basement.

    • damn skippy, honey. can’t waste any of that golden grub on the deserving poor or anything Christian like that. there’s a private plane that needs refueling.

      • Those blood diamonds don’t wing their way to the US from Africa on a hope and a prayer!

  • Bill T.

    Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t.

  • Queequeg

    That lesbian stuff is everywhere. Every time Pat turns on his computer it is just filled with lesbian images. Now Send him 10% of your Social Security check. You don’t need to eat this month.

    • Octavio

      Cat food — generic brand — it’s what’s for dinner!

  • FunButNutz

    Boy the stories I could tell from “Christian Camp”

  • JJS_prime

    Because gay sex isn’t real sex? Odd, it certainly feels real!

  • TreGibbs

    I love that I am a “habitual homosexual”.

  • teeveedub

    At :29, Pat’s toady says:

    “It was a male friend from church. That’s kind of strange.”

    Uh, not as strange as you think, lady.

    • Ragnar Lothbrok

      Pat’s toady ๐Ÿ™‚

      • teeveedub

        Or is the proper term “toadess”?

    • Octavio

      Soooo true. I received my first blow job from an “older” adolescent in the basement of a mormon church. I still get a bit of a chubby when passing a mormon ward house. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Ted.OR

    Also on today’s show…
    Sorry, I couldn’t find the clip by itself, so this is the entire show. Skip to the part between 9:52 and 11:58 (especially notice the part starting at 10:23).

  • James

    “I have cried out in prayer for a long time but nothing seems to change.” And naturally the good Christian response to that is not “question your religion and the very idea of prayer,” it’s “blame yourself.”

  • “I was so drunk.” Oh, sweetie. We’ve all use that one!

    • BeaverTales

      Especially the ex-gays who mysteriously find themselves drunk in gay bars. I guess Jebus forgives being hammered.

      • jeebus turned water in to wine. or at least that was his excuse the next morning when he came home late and his mom was standing in the door.

        • Dan Robinson

          One could always claim that they drank only water and then that old cut-up Jesus changed it into wine in his tummy.

      • clay

        To be generous, I think Jesus already forgave them, which is why they’re getting drunk in gay bars– welcome back to the fold.

  • Dan Robinson

    He says a person who gets $1000/mo SS should give $100/mo to the fucking church. I’d like to see him toss away $100 every month while trying to live on that.

  • the second problem has clear biblical guidance – if they simply kill the husband off, perhaps send him to the front lines of some war or throw him off a roof, find some stone-able offense he has committed – then it will be the ex-brother-in-law’s duty to marry his ex-sister-in-law. god says so.

  • stuckinthewoods

    “She may have to forgive his cheating. They didn’t show pictures of the “male Christian friend.” It might have been justifiable.” The 699 Club.

  • Octavio

    You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose. But you can’t let a christain self-appointed religious leader pick your nose. You’ll lose brain tissue.”*

    *I have no idea what that means. Jeebus made me type it.

  • kaydenpat

    Some of these questions must be written by Poes just to get Robertson’s blood pressure up.

  • JCF

    “And then he closes with a rant about lesbians. “There so much lesbian stuff! Lesbian this, lesbian the other.”

    Well of course. See, if a Good Christian Woman loses her husband to another man, too-bad-so-sad—but it’s still just a WOMAN’s loss, after all. But if a Good Christian Man loses his wife to another woman: Quelle Horror! A Christian MAN’s loss is the End-of-the-World, doncha know!

  • Steven B

    So lemme get this straight – if your husband gets drunk and has a homosexual affair, you must forgive him. If your wife, however, has the unmitigated gal to suffer from dementia brought on by Alzheimer’s, by all means leave her.

    Pat is just SUCH a gem of humanity…
    or a huge wad of misogynistic phlegm.