Aaron Schock Says Goodbye To Empty House, Compares Himself To Lincoln

Well, both ARE rumored to have slept with men, so…

  • John

    Well, there is a comparison: “And I am no Abe Lincoln.”

  • Lumpy Gaga

    Bye, Felicia!

    • Javier Smith

      Came here to say that! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • TheManicMechanic

      The few times I was ever going to use that phrase and here you’ve beaten me to it!

    • guest

      Well, RepubliKKKan Jesus says to SCREW THE POOR, AND MORE TAX BREAKS FOR THE RICH, so I can see why Schock thinks Lincoln STOLE FROM THE TAXPAYERS TOO! Yup, Lincoln is just like this Felony committing fraud. More of the right always having to be the victim!

      “Well, both ARE rumored to have slept with men, so…”

      Yes, there is that!

    • Ian

      I love you for this. AND I love the JMG community for making it the #1 comment.

    • Americanish

      Aaron Shock was gay. Of course it was going to end badly.

    • Lawerence Collins

      Here you go

  • geoffalnutt

    Coupe or Town Car?

    • Octavio

      Town Car . . . always. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • TampaDink

      I hear he is partial to driving SUVs, so…I’m gonna go with Navigator….with a broken odometer.

      • JW Swift

        I see what you did there!

        • TampaDink

          It isn’t so much what I did….but what Aaron did. โ˜บ

          • JW Swift

            …or perhaps, whom?

          • TampaDink

            Whom….in the plural sense. โ˜บ

      • delk

        Western Avenue Special. Chicago joke, a whole bunch of used car lots on that street.

    • Dagoril

      Whichever one is roomier in the rear. If you know what I’m saying ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Joe in PA

    Hey Aaron, you DO know that President Lincoln was also known as Honest Abe, right?

    • David Walker

      Picky, picky, picky.

      • Lumpy Gaga

        Yes, Lincoln was also a picky queen.

    • I should really know better

      you gotta have SOME nerve to talk about respecting the tax payers when you yourself are known to have bilked them for tens of thousands of dollars THAT WE KNOW ABOUT…

    • Jamie Brewer

      The Weekly World News uncovered this dirt back in 2009: http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/5586/abe-was-a-babe/

      • Joe in PA

        LOL!

  • Herald

    He is nothing like Lincoln, he is an arrogant, egocentric, … though

    • John P.

      Don’t forget greedy. That done him in! It was always ‘more, more, more’! Wonder if his boyfriend, I mean photographer, will stick it out? (or ‘in’ somewhere)

  • Pollos Hermanos

    Lincoln was rumored to be gay…….

    • JJS_prime

      Everybody was rumored to be gay.

      • Octavio

        There are rumors that I’M gay! Imagine.

        • Lumpy Gaga

          “I’ve heard rumours.”

          “Heeeey, what’s that from? ‘I’ve heard rumours’?”

        • No! Really? I’m shocked I tells ya, shocked!

          • Octavio

            I’m schocked, too! ๐Ÿ™‚

          • Well! Looks like there is schock all around, yeah?

          • Well! We are just full of schock, and over schock and around schock and pretty much over schock.

    • clay

      Was Lincoln rumored to have been caught in the shower with Rep. Kinzinger?

  • garyschor

    Lincoln never had that shoe collection!

  • Lumpy Gaga

    So, did you like the play?

  • jomicur

    Aaron, darling, you need to focus less on “God’s plan for your life” and worry more about what federal prosecutors may be planning for you.

    • PLAINTOM

      His staff delivered 24/7. A heartfelt accolade to his “photographer”.

      • jomicur

        It kind of gives a whole new meaning to “f-stop,” no?

    • Anastasia Beaverhousen

      And worry about Bubba in cell block 9. He thinks your perty.

  • teeveedub

    Shameless. His speech has a tone as if he’s had a successful decades-long career instead of a scandal-plagued accomplishment-free stint that he’s leaving under a dark cloud.

    What a scumbag.

    • Octavio

      Scumbags gonna scum . . . .

      • Lumpy Gaga

        Bag men gonna bag.

    • Harley

      Someone please explain to me why Jessi Jackson Jr. spent time in jail and Arron Schnockers is getting a free pass?

      • I should really know better

        OH he’s not getting a free pass. he’s probably going to jail. the FBI are on the case now.

        • Hayward

          That is likely why the apology he SHOULD be delivering to the members of his district to which I belong will take some time, if we ever hear it at all.

          • I should really know better

            Oh he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. Blue Blood people like that don’t think of us as actual people… we’re just where the money is taken. The Blue Bloods think of it as a big game… they have rules to follow and if/when they get caught breaking them, they go to the penalty box and have a time out before coming back into the game. The rules that apply to us they don’t think apply to them. And they usually don’t, although since he’s done this to get the tax payers to pay for his “homosexual lover,” they’ll take this opportunity to make “an example of him.

        • bambinoitaliano

          No way! He is white. it ain’t gonna happen.

      • Mel Anin

        Melanin.

      • delk

        I am FURIOUS that he is not going to Halfway house across the street from that all the Illinois politicians end up at.

        I wanted to Nelson laugh at him in the fenced yard that I walk my dog past every day.

        Hoping and praying I will get Aaron though!

    • I should really know better

      exactly how I felt. He’s going out in shame after having stolen and defrauded tax payers and he’s acting like he’s getting a medal of honor of some kind. But THIS is how the entitled, privileged 1% carry on. They don’t care who they rip off, their whole way of life is to rip people off… getting caught and having to pretend you’re sorry is the equivalent of getting a penalty in Hockey…. it’s just part of the game, they’ve all had to do it and when their time in the penalty box is up, they’ll be back out playing the same game with the same rules…

    • Halloween_Jack

      The thing is, I can almost believe that he literally believes that he’s had “a successful decades-long career”, since his shtick has always been that of the precocious overachiever. Look at me, I’m running my own business when I’m twelve. Look at me, I’m skating through college in two years (never mind asking whether he learned anything in his finance major, given how staggeringly blatant some of his scams, such as the thing with the vehicle odometer, were). Look at me, I’m the youngest school board president (and never mind how his allegedly balancing the books for the district turned into a $2.5 million deficit after he’d been elected to the state legislature). Look at me, look at my abs, look at meeeeeeeeeee.

      The thing that’s galling about the comparison to Lincoln, which is almost de rigueur for a politician whose district includes Springfield, is that Lincoln was kind of the opposite: dismissed either as a failure or as an overpromoted hick for most of his career, and who eventually walked over any number of nineteenth century Aaron Schocks–smooth-faced, smooth-talking pretty boys who were born on third base and tried to convince everyone that they’d hit a triple–on his way to greatness. The thought of what Lincoln would have done to Schock in a straight-up debate gives me a warm feeling.

  • Judas Peckerwood

    But aside from that, how was the play, Mr. Schock?

    • Octavio

      Now, that’s funny.

  • oikos

    Poor Lady Crawley.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      More like the gay footman.

      • teeveedub

        And just as devious.

  • TampaZeke

    I think I’d rather sleep with Lincoln!

  • TJay229

    Aww… I’m crying through my laughter.

  • oikos

    “My sฬถtฬถaฬถfฬถfฬถ donors delivered for me.”

  • Lumpy Gaga

    God’s plan for you is a lifetime of last year’s clothes, Aaron.

    • oikos

      D&G clothes

      • PLAINTOM

        orange jumpsuits

        • Gustav2

          Well, orange was last year’s new black.

  • BearEyes

    Oh honey, you are no Lincoln. IL is as close a comparison and no closer.
    And the empty house is quite appropos.

  • Publius

    “We tickled…”

    I can only imagine what’s on his mind.

  • Mike C
    • teeveedub

      LOL

      I’m never disappointed when I read JMG comments.

    • I should really know better

      I’m SO using this… daily.

    • Strepsi

      LOL

    • Ginger Snap

      As we say in New England, Wicked Awesome!

  • Cousin Bleh

    Lincoln was shot in the back. Aaron’s photographer shot all over his back.

    • Harley

      BOOM

    • Todd20036

      Oh lord I’m going to burn for laughing at that

  • Octavio

    There’s something so smarmy about him. Just like the Young Republicans I knew in high school that showed up at the pseudo teenagers’ United Nations thing wielding tons of 3″x5″ note cards. Ewwwwwwww!

    Edit: And what’s with the pancake makek up? He isn’t purdy enough for the cameras without it?

    • another_steve

      All valid criticism.

      But will that stop you from downloading his upcoming man-on-man film entitled “Aaron Does the Men of Illinois”?

      • Rocketeer500

        I’d pay to see “Aaron Does the Men of Congress”.

        • ick.

          have you looked at images of your congress lately?

          just, eww. i don’t know what kind of porn you’re into, but i’ll pass.

          ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Octavio

        I’ll download it only if there are lots of muscled, bearded daddy-types taking turns. ๐Ÿ™‚
        TMI?

        • another_steve

          No, Octavio. Not TMI. Actually, I felt a slight tingle in the little fellow when I read that comment of yours.

          I like the woof-woofs, but Aaron is a smooth boy.

          I think we’re lookin’ at smooth-on-smooth action here.

          • Octavio

            Smooth on smooth? Ew, fer ick. It’s got to be at least intergenerational or not al all. ๐Ÿ™‚

          • another_steve

            Why do you hate Bel Ami, Octavio?

            If you had ten cents for every orgasm the Bel Ami Studio has given me over the past 20 years, you’d be a millionaire today.

          • Octavio

            Nope. I’m a Joe Gage fan.

          • another_steve

            Okay, so you have excellent taste. I have to concede that.

            Old farts like me will remember the classic Joe Gage films of the 70s. They were excellent — problem was, they were filmed before adequate set lighting became standard.

            If you look closely in those early Gage flicks, you can see the woofs doin’ it — but just barely.

        • Ginger Snap

          I wouldn’t mind seeing little Aaron completely tore up by bearded harry daddy’s(maybe 100-150 of them) and left sobbing. I’m a bit twisted though.

      • ChitownKev

        A Steamworks production?

    • Lumpy Gaga

      He lost his stylist in The Recent Unpleasantness.

  • Reality.Bites

    Here’s another image of his speech

    • That is a foul insult to MTM!

      • AndyinChicago

        She’s a pretty staunch Republican. Stumped for McCain, calls herself a libertarian. MTM is an insult to MTM.

        • delk

          Andy, when do you think Aaron will be spotted at Sidetrack? Or will Art kick him out? lol

          • AndyinChicago

            Ugh. That dude. He’s either too self absorbed or too self hating for that. I either see him going to go rich, white, Log-Cabin and only drink where he can’t find cocktails that cost less than $30 OR he’ll be in a gimp suit in the basement of Jackhammer so no one can see his face but he can still degrade himself as much as possible (I’m not against degradation in most cases, but when it’s based on self hate, it’s pitiful).

          • delk

            I picture the old hustler bars New Flight and The Haig back when River North was a dangerous, dark place that only gay men went to!
            ๐Ÿ™‚

        • I know, but spare me my childhood heroines.

      • Reality.Bites

        You know it was really the part about saying good-bye to an empty house that inspired me. I thought I’d dig up that last image of her turning off the lights in the empty newsroom. But when I looked for it I found this and couldn’t resist the “So Long, Mary” aspect of it.

        What Andy said is perfectly true, of course. But I give her a partial exemption for the many great hours of liberal programming from her show and MTM productions.

    • ClevelandJim

      LMFAO!!

    • Ian

      Damnit. How do I explain to my co-workers the loud Gaw-Faw which emanated from my office!!!??

      • I blame it on The Voices. They tell me funny stories… my coworkers have had to endure me for years, so they know this about me already.

  • David From Canada

    Aaron had so much going for him: intelligent, articulate, good looking, young. And he screwed up by over-spending the taxpayers money, and being far too mysterious about his sexual orientation, which harmed him.
    I hope he can get his act together and present a much better side of him at some point in the future.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      He was doing a lot more than padding mileage.

      The “taxpayers money” is just a slice of this sweet pie. He strikes me as dumber than Dinesh D’Souza, so I expect it will emerge that none of the criminal stuff was vaguely necessary to support him in the lifestyle to which he had become accustomed.

      The grift is in his bones.

      • JW Swift

        Indeed. It wasn’t about spending too much of the taxpayer’s money, it was about outright dishonesty and scamming his position to line his own pockets.

        Furthermore, it isn’t just that being mysterious about one’s sexuality is a bad thing in and of itself, it’s when you do it in such a way that you make it seem like even potentially being gay is something to avoid, that it would be something to be ashamed of, if he were gay. That just reinforces the stereotypes held by those who hate us and would work against us having our equality.

      • clay

        Yep, I bet they find a chuck of PAC donors’ money in the ‘spent’ pile, as well.

    • Uncle Sal

      David, were you fondling yourself while you typed this? I would seriously reconsider my taste in men if I were you! And try putting your faith in people who really deserve a second chance. We’ve all seen his act and it was the worse show since “Moose Murders”! Let’s hope we never hear from him again except at his trial.

    • BobSF_94117

      I hope we never hear about him again.

    • another_steve

      “Aaron had so much going for him: intelligent, articulate, good looking, young.”

      Absolutely, David. He squandered his potential. A terrible waste.

      But he betrayed the public trust. In my opinion, that disqualifies him from ever again serving in government.

  • mattkorey

    Aaron may well be a crook, but in this particular case the reference to Lincoln really is not strange as this post seems to be trying to make it. Aaron represents the same area that Lincoln did, that’s why he reference him. It wasn’t like he was just picking some famous person out of thin air to compare himself to.
    There are lots of things to criticize Schock over. This isn’t one of them.

    • KT

      When you are facing a FBI probe because you misreported expenses and overcharged the federal government for reimbursements, you probably shouldn’t compare yourself to someone nicknamed “Honest Abe”.

      • With all that out of control spending and finance stuff, perhaps he should have compared himself to Mary Todd.

  • Smartypants

    Anyone else wondering how he’ll play in Peoria now?

    • JW Swift

      And somewhere, off in the distance, is the sound of a rim-shot!

      • Randolph Finder

        ITYM Job rather than shot

        • JW Swift

          Toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe…

  • barracks9

    “The choice was mine and mine completely
    I could have any prize that I desired
    I could burn with the splendor of the brightest fire
    Or else or else I could choose time…”

    Or you could DO time…

    • Mark

      I was thinking more:

      “Frank-N-Furter, it’s all over
      Your mission is a failure
      Your lifestyle’s too extreme
      I’m your new commander
      You now are my prisoner
      We return to Transylvania
      Prepare the transit beam”

  • bkmn

    Where is his photog “friend”?

    • Yes, now that is every single second doesnt need to be immortalized, what ever will photo-man fill his time with now? Or now that the gravy train has came to a complete and total stop, the better question is, how long will he stay around?

      • Harley

        He’ll be on Fox News.

    • ClevelandJim

      “Checking the wiring” under the podium?

      • 2guysnamedjoe

        Checking the plumbing, more likely.

  • TheManicMechanic

    Lincoln had better interior decorating sense.

    I suggest avoiding a night at the theater.

  • Polterguest

    For some reason I have “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” in my head. Poor ol’ queen.

    • barracks9

      Ha – I just posted the Lament lyrics below..sick minds think alike, and all that.

      • Polterguest

        You are awesome. I was too lazy to Google them.

    • Duh-David

      Don’t fuck with boys who do Tina,
      The truth is they’ll never love you.

  • BobSF_94117

    I find it hard to believe that his staff has handled “tens of thousands” of constituent requests.

    • Lumpy Gaga

      They got thousands of constituent requests to join them at Katy Perry’s concert.

    • Wow! I guess it was bukkake parties night and day to handle thousands of requests. No wonder he needed to redecorate his office.

      • Joe in PA

        Oh my. (said in my best George Takei voice) : )

      • Lumpy Gaga

        Hah. An update to the old joke:

        “How do you make Aaron Schock scream twice?”

    • another_steve

      Requests for his resignation, perhaps?

  • Cuberly
  • Want to top that ass.

    • another_steve

      You and twenty million other gay men, hon.

      Like I always say… “Don’t sweat it; you can’t fuck a good set of ethics anyway.”

  • Guest

    Lincoln huh?

    • Lumpy Gaga

      Lincoln Logs, maybe.

  • Ragnar Lothbrok

    Yes it the beginning of a new chapter.
    Chapter 11.

  • Ninja0980

    Keep telling yourself that as you face criminal charges that will hopefully put you in prison.

  • Amusing… check the time-stamp. Ball-less wonder had to do this during the lunch hour when he KNEW the floor would be empty. The rest of the House is in the cafeteria laughing up their sleeves at him.

    • BobSF_94117

      Oh, they schedule hours and hours all the time for self-serving blah-blah-blah that nobody ever listens to. C-SPAN should be required to pan the chamber every five minutes to expose the sham.

    • Larry Larson

      It was kind of them to play some canned applause at the end.

  • Ninja0980

    Let me add one more thing to this.
    He is being shoved out the door by the Republicans but him likely being gay has nothing to do with it.
    His seat is a safe Republican one, and even if it wasn’t, with the majority the Republicans have now, there is no need to keep someone who is likely facing criminal charges soon around when all it will do is make everyone else in your party look bad.

    • clay

      [Reps and Sens are in separate buildings.]

  • Larry Larson

    “Together we have tinkled, er, tackled.”

  • robirob

    Nobody buys his act. He leaves as he entered: A dishonest, shady, opportunistic, self serving douche aspiring to be the biggest grifter there ever was and ever will be.

    • Jamie_Johnson

      Well now, he’s not Sarah Palin. But he can aspire, I suppose.

      • Schock is just another also-ran — pretty enough but his tits just weren’t up to snuff to win the tiara and sash.

  • Larry Larson

    Liar, liar, white jeans with cerulean belt on fire!

    • Mark

      I thought it was turquoise – -oh well – MIranda wouldn’t like me. :=/

      • Larry Larson

        That would be the non-gay name for that color.

        • Mark

          Colours have never been my strong point.

  • ClevelandJim

    Why is he saying goodbye already–he’s got 5 more days in office. It’s seriously gonna take that long to pack up Downton East and load the U-Haul?

    • Dreaming Vertebrate

      Bye Felicia!
      No really, BYE Felicia!
      and – good riddance Quizling.

    • Larry Larson

      Lindsaybelle Graham may be coveting his neighbor’s goods, and want him to leave everything as is.

    • Halloween_Jack

      I think that it’s an acknowledgement that there’s almost literally nothing more he could do in office at this point. He’s resigning under an ethical cloud and already had a rep as a lightweight who was more interested in taking a cute photo and putting it on Instagram than actually doing anything useful. The best way he could serve his constituents right now would be to not embarrass them any further.

  • HZ81

    Aaron, you just resined from congress in disgrace. What are you going to do next?

    AS: I’m going to Steamworks!

  • RobynWatts

    Well, so long Aaron! And don’t forget to take your funeral train, a.k.a. Amtrak, back to Illinois since you succeeded in assassinating your own political career and are now grasping for a comparison between yourself and President Lincoln.

  • “together we have tickled..err, um.. tackled challenges.”. Hmmm.. bit of a Freudian slip there…

  • Well isn’t that a lovely broach she’s wearing, bless her heart!

  • Six Pins Delores

    THE END

  • Blobby

    I couldn’t get past him saying “he’s sorry he won’t be there when….” Dude, you QUIT.

  • Billanddogs

    “Together, we have tinkled………..”
    HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!

  • Lindoro Almaviva

    Except Lincoln had brains, wit and the presidency, Except for a great ass, style and abs, what does this queen has?

    • zhera

      Money.

      • Lindoro Almaviva

        Oh, yea, all the money he stole from tax payers.. Forgot that one.

  • Sean

    Shut up. Lincoln is more of a freedom and equality loving REAL American and man than you will ever be and more of a man than you will ever get.

  • Gordon.

    He seems a tad delusional…

  • DesertSun59

    I will compare myself with a psychologist and tell all of you that Mr. Schock is a closeted self-hating gay man.

  • John Calendo

    The self-regarding hubris of this dizzy twit is breathtaking.

  • Cuberly

    Aaron “No Shame” Schock.

  • TexPlant

    wonder what type of prison he will be sentenced to serve? Will is be a minimum security type with ping pong and craft rooms (like Martha) or something a little more befitting the closet piece that he is.

  • Bluto

    so long, lady mary.

  • Ginger Snap

    After watching this all I can think to say is what a Weasel.

  • tcinsf

    Sheesh, if he had an ounce of honor he’d sneak out the side door.

  • TexasBoy

    How unfair that such a terrible person was blessed with such a handsome body.

  • anne marie in philly

    LINCOLN? get over yourself, aaron; you ain’t THAT great! perhaps you are better in the sack…

  • dalnat

    Lincoln?!? Nah. I think heโ€™s more of an Edsel. Wasteful, inefficient, and under-powered. Showy and flamboyant with an excessively fussy exterior. A lemon from day one. An utter failure.

  • ericxdc

    He was heard to compared himself to ghandi, jesus, george washington and madonna at the JR’s happy hour afterwords.

  • Galvestonian

    whole lotta empty seats there – is this one of those 2 A.M. specials ?

  • David

    Now that was pathetic.

  • Mark

    My apologies to RHPS:

    Felicia: On the day I went away
    House: Goodbye
    Felicia: Was all I had to say
    House: Now I
    Felicia: I want to come again and stay
    House: Oh my
    Felicia: Smile, and that will mean I may

    ‘Cause I’ve seen blue skies
    Through the tears in my eyes
    And I realize I’m going home

    House: I’m going home

    Felicia: Everywhere, it’s been the same
    House: Feeling
    Felicia: Like I’m outside in the rain
    House: Wheeling
    Felicia: Free to try and find a game
    House: Dealing
    Felicia: Cards for sorrow. Cards for pain

    ‘Cause I’ve seen blue skies
    Through the tears in my eyes
    And I realize I’m going home

    House: I’m going home
    I’m going home
    I’m going home

    • bdsmjack

      Schrock-n-furter, it’s all over!
      Your mission is a failure,
      Your lifestyle too extreme!

      I’m your new commander,
      You now are my prisoner
      We return now to Peoria!
      (To Magenta): Prepare the Transit Beam.

  • LatreceMotherFukinRoyale

    The SHADE of it all!

  • Happy Dance

    He knows his legs are made of helium and have clipped the ceiling fan a time or two!

  • JDM

    Those big, black muscular Muslims who spend all day in the gym are going to have SO much fun with him.

  • lvnvrcd

    Aaron – Come out! Come out! Wherever you are!!!!

  • THEBEARCUB

    Gurl Bye! See you when your closet gets cleaned!

  • Mark Schildberg

    To quote Citizen Kane: “If it was anybody else, I’d say, let it be a lesson to you. Only you’re gonna need more than one lesson. And you’re gonna get more than one lesson.”

  • crankyd

    If Schock and Lincoln are on a comparable arc, I’d be more than happy to buy theatre tickets for him. He won’t even have to report the gift; not that there was ever an issue with that.