Frank Rich: Give Aaron Schock A TV Show

“Back in the day, Groucho Marx used to ask if a vaudeville act “will play in Peoria?” — the theory being that Peoria was the ultimate barometer of mass Middle American taste. Schock, as it happens, represented Peoria, a bedrock conservative district, and there is little evidence to suggest that his hijinks, transgressions, and ambiguous sexuality offended his constituents whatsoever. In other words, he played big time in Peoria. So give this guy a show on Bravo right now. He has one of the most sizzling audition tapes reality television has seen in years. As his father said of his son in an interview this week, ‘Two years from now he will be successful if he’s not in jail.’ But first Aaron Schock must apologize to Julian Fellowes and the production team at Downton Abbey. That notorious Capitol Hill office — created by an Illinois decorating firm appropriately named Euro Trash — didn’t remotely evoke Edwardian England. With its blood-red walls and busts of Republican presidents, it was nothing if not a Warren Harding–era bordello out of Boardwalk Empire.” – Frank Rich, writing for New York Magazine.

  • timncguy

    “Schock, as it happens, represented Peoria, a bedrock conservative
    district, and there is little evidence to suggest that his hijinks,
    transgressions, and ambiguous sexuality offended his constituents
    whatsoever. In other words, he played big time in Peoria.”

    All this proves is that as long as he voted the “Republican Line”, his conservative Republican constituents didn’t give two shits about anything else that was going on. Not even criminal behavior.

    • lymis

      It also presumes they were paying any attention. They bought and paid for a congressman. As long as he did what they hired him for, the rest is unimportant. Who pays much attention to the help?

      • Joseph Miceli

        Not Americans. They’re too busy ogling Kim Kardashian’s expansive rear end, stuffing their faces and chanting rap songs to bother to vote.

        • Kevin-in-Honolulu

          What you wrote, Joseph…sums it all up, man. Imagine if we had a connected, engaged, thoughtful populace.

  • PeterC

    The question is; Will he be able to out-do the “show” that he put on while a “Congress Person”? And will it be of any value to anyone?

    • StSean

      “schock values”

      • Lars De

        That would be a perfect name for it. Stop giving them ideas!

        • Todd20036

          Schock and Awe

          • pj

            shocking

  • oikos

    “It was nothing if not a Warren Harding–era bordello out of Boardwalk Empire.”
    Perfect summation of everything repugs do.

  • Lars De

    No, please don’t. Please don’t give anyone anywhere a “reality” show. No more “reality” shows ever. Cept maybe for Drag Race, but other than that, no.

    • lymis

      Calling Drag Race “reality” is stretching the term a bit.

      • Lars De

        But don’t you think that can pretty much be said about any show that is labeled “reality”. If the reality was actually real they’d call it a documentary.

    • lattebud

      How about “Locked Up” on MSNBC? Rachael Maddow could sit on the other side of the table and ask him snarky questions.

    • Reality.Bites

      Because you don’t enjoy a type of programming it shouldn’t be aired?

      Thanks, OMM.

      • Lars De

        It’s an opinion. I haven’t started a petition drive and I don’t actually have a vote in whether or not programs get greenlighted by the network. You can unclench now.

  • StSean

    but is he the bee’s knees? is he cooking with gas now?

    • lymis

      Knees are, no doubt, involved.

  • nowaRINO

    Now, now Frank. You are old enough to remember the color of the walls is from the 1980’s. It’s called “Reagan Blood Red.”

  • hdtex

    This is what he REALLY had in mind…..

    • lymis

      Where’s the lube dispenser?

      • oikos

        The vase with the pheasant feathers has a spigot type dispenser.

      • BobSF_94117

        Ceiling sprinkler heads aren’t just for fires…

    • guest

      Well, even Schock’s father said he wanted to live a large life. Yeah, he wanted to live like Royalty, the Queen, or the top .01%, but did not want to put in the work and time to get there. He wanted it right now, through his Congressional job.

      I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when he was crying like daddy said, and when he told daddy all about it.

    • lattebud

      But those pictures aren’t of him or his photographer

      • John Masters

        That was my thought. He would have wanted to all be of him.

    • popebuck1

      I’m thinking more of Christopher Hewitt’s trés chic townhouse from “The Producers.” Only with the naked male statuary tucked away, cuz Mom and Dad are coming to visit for the weekend.

    • vorpal

      The only “show” I want to see Aaron Schock on is a porn where he gets tied up and gang-bang hate-fucked by about 40 guys who were denied same-sex marriage rights and protections.

      • David Walker

        Oooh. Porn with plot. Like it.

      • Joseph Miceli

        I’d watch…but then maybe you’ll think of something to do to him that he WON’T like?

        • vorpal

          I’ve got a good imagination and a hell of a lot of determination. I’ll keep experimenting until the ball gag is needed. =evil grins=

          • Joseph Miceli

            I can see it now.
            “Pineapple! PINEAPPLE!!!!…wha…iaugh! iaugharrgh!

          • vorpal

            LOL! If that doesn’t work, there’s always durian, but I suspect that that would make his rotten insides smell better.

      • TheManicMechanic

        That’s enough to make anyone’s blade go snicker-snack!

    • I kind of like that coffee table.

      • Joseph Miceli

        That has to be a BITCH to dust!

    • MattPS

      The only thing missing is Aaron himself (well, maybe his “photographer”/fuck buddy, too). They could be involved in some cute BDSM scenario and this photo would become flavor of the month on Lurid Digs.

    • TheManicMechanic

      That took me a moment. I’m so used to seeing that photo I don’t really “see it” anymore. Now I won’t be able to see it without thinking of this. 🙂

  • LovesIrony

    Better suited for the Cartoon Network

  • Gustav2

    Bravo? TLC is more likely. If Schlock was a ginger Andy would consider it.

    • guest

      Andy likes gingers?

      • Joseph Miceli

        Yes, he does. Hell, who doesn’t? 🙂

  • Ellipse Kirk

    Should I throw my hat in for Schrock’s seat?

    • Octavio

      Fun hat! 🙂

  • unsavedheathen

    How I miss Frank Rich in the NYT.

    • pj

      me too

  • unsavedheathen

    Only if the reality show follows Schock in prison for fraud. “The Schock of Double-Penetration”?

    • Octavio

      Mmmmmm . . . double penetration . . . one of my favorite ways to share and rub with a friend . . . mmmmmmmmmm. :=)

  • Reality.Bites

    Coming soon to TLC: Aaron Schock is Honey Boo-Boo Too, Electric Bugaloo.

    (Note: the too is intentional)

    • TheManicMechanic

      He should be called Boney Boo-Hoo.

  • BobSF_94117

    If I were a set designer for Downton Abbey or Boardwalk Empire, I’d be mighty peeved at the suggestion that my work was as tacky, shoddy, and historically inaccurate as that mess in Schock’s office.

    • Joseph Miceli

      It really is a horror, isn’t it? The whole thing is so incredibly tacky. That office not only says bad taste, but the fact that in this time of unemployment and deficits he felt comfortable doing this…well…that says a lot about his ethics and judgement right there.

      • BobSF_94117

        I’ve always said, if you’re going to to mouldings, do mouldings!

        OK, I’m pretty sure I’ve never actually said that, but I’m going to from now on, should the subject come up.

  • popebuck1

    I’m pretty sure Aaron Schock already thinks he’s been on a reality show these past six years. Either that or he won some kind of contest. “What a great gig! Look at all the free stuff they give me! And all I have to do is show up once in a while to vote like they tell me to!”

  • At least he got the “bordello” part right. Corporate whores should always work in a fitting environment.

  • skeever

    Once his real estate/money laundering scams are fully investigated it will have to be a prison reality series. Maybe SCHOCKED!

  • I’ve got a name for the TV show: “Schock Therapy”

  • Galvestonian

    Oh yeah with a stripper pole, bump & grind music, a thong and plenty of hot body movement.

  • Queequeg

    I predict that, if he’s not in jail, he will have his own show, be on “Dancing with the Stars” or become a “personality” on Fox News.

  • Octavio

    The best thing to happen to Frank Rich and Broadway Theatre/American Film, was when The NY Times removed him as theatre critic and made him a op ed commentator. Theatre has revived big time since “His Nastiness” has been out of the picture. The Op Ed opinion section of the Times was never been better. Too bad it took so many years for Rich to find his real niche.

  • There used to be this tv show in the 1950’s called Queen for a Day. They would pick some unhappy looking lady from the audience and make her the Queen for the Day by showering her with vacuum cleaners and a fancy lunch out and things like this. I could see Aaron MCing a revival of this — he would be so good at this and could also tease the ladies by taking his shirt off and placing a tiara on her head by removing it from his own during every episode! https://youtu.be/ggV8Uwhnmq8

    • Reality.Bites

      And afterwards he’d steal her prizes.

    • I loved that show! We used to have an old 78 of “Pomp and Circumstance” I would put that on the record player, drape a blanket cape with an enormous train across my shoulders and parade solemnly around the basement, if you were unable to see the magnificent tiara on my head then you were just plain blind!

  • JCF

    Methinks, Frank…